I think my DH is jealous of LHC and my hair!

[Rustella]

I have a wonderfull husband, but lately he seems a little perturbed. I keep getting snippity coments like the following ones.


"Are you on that hair board again?!"

"You never come to bed with me anymore; you'd rather stay up and play on the hair board."

"So how much does that henna stuff cost compared to regular dyes?"

"Are you going to come watch the movie with us or play on the hair board all night?"

"You are obsessed with your hair lately."

"You've been hogging the computer for your hair board."

Er, come to think of it, maybe he has a point. :o

[lacereza]

................................

[Riot Crrl]

I have no comment on the rest of it, but henna, please. I got enough henna to dye my hair 10 times in full (or more times) for 60 bucks. AND it's the most expensive henna available from Mehandi, there is cheaper henna out there.

Chemical dye used to cost me around 10 or 11 bucks a box, and if I was not just doing roots then I had to buy at least 2, maybe 3 boxes.

For many years as a blonde I was only doing roots, but for a couple months when I tried to go red with drugstore dye, I was burning up 2-3 of these a WEEK. They washed out really easy.

Even with the more easily maintained (on me) blonde, 11 bucks a month for drugstore dye vs. 6 for henna now. Actually, I have yet to do my roots only with henna. When I do, it will take much less than 100g so adjust that to an even lower price. For doing my whole hair, it's something like 33 bucks for drugstore dye vs. 6 for the *expensive* henna.

[maskedrose]

Hrmmm, maybe a few nights off is in order :) Balance is good - maybe at least try to go to bed with him, that always soothes them a bit ;)

[Rustella]

I have no comment on the rest of it, but henna, please. I got enough henna to dye my hair 10 times in full (or more times) for 60 bucks. AND it's the most expensive henna available from Mehandi, there is cheaper henna out there.

Chemical dye used to cost me around 10 or 11 bucks a box, and if I was not just doing roots then I had to buy at least 2, maybe 3 boxes.

For many years as a blonde I was only doing roots, but for a couple months when I tried to go red with drugstore dye, I was burning up 2-3 of these a WEEK. They washed out really easy.

Even with the more easily maintained (on me) blonde, 11 bucks a month for drugstore dye vs. 6 for henna now. Actually, I have yet to do my roots only with henna. When I do, it will take much less than 100g so adjust that to an even lower price. For doing my whole hair, it's something like 33 bucks for drugstore dye vs. 6 for the *expensive* henna.


I told him how much it cost compared to a salon job. That took care of it. :D

[frizzinator]

My husband doesn't like change, and what's worse is that I allowed him to have his way for too long ...he thinks I exist to serve him.

We've had this same conversation every time I take up a new interest. When I started gardening, he said "you like gardening more than you like me". When I started eating healthier food, we nearly divorced.

After more than 20 years of marriage, he has learned to tolerate my choices even though he doesn't understand why I find them so appealing.

[TammySue]

Aww, he misses you! Liked maskedrose said, balance is the key. If I were married, I would want my husband to spend equal quality time with me along with his computer usage. I think a nice romantic candlelit dinner would be nice (followed by some cuddling)! :flowers:

[Millielie]

My boyfriend said nearly the same things to me :D

I told him that I'm bored if he plays computer games the whole evening :rolleyes:

[saman]

I think his concerns about you is good and shows his love.I agree with a few nights off and it may reduce his jealousy.

[Kittee]

This happened to me at first. But after 2 years of being on the boards he's used to it by now haha! He loves playing with my hair and my combs now in fact. Always asks me "is that one good for you hair" when looking at toys. =) So sweet.

Give him time and ya you might wanna go snuggle up a few nights in a row lol.

[lora410]

I'd say at night when DH and family is home stay off the boards and give them their attention. i realized I to needed to do this; so now I just stay off LHC at nighttime

[Irishred]

I agree, take a couple nights off from the boards or at least one really romantic night.

After that, try to go to bed with him, even if you need to do your nightly stuff like comb your hair and such, as long as you aren't on the computer ;)

Try to plan one night a week that is DH day. You could plan a day every week or vary it. Just have a night you do things like watch a movie with him. :smooch:

If you can, do not do your major hair things when he is around. Deep treatments and henna that take a long time especially. Oh and don't hair toy shop with him unless you are trying to hint for a special occasion (then only show him a couple items and buzz back out of there).

Just my :twocents: hope that helps ;)

[SHELIAANN1969]

One can never spend too much time hogging the pc for the hair board!

I get this all the time from my old man too, but he knows it doesnt do him any good so he laughs it off.

I always say, five more minutes and I am coming to bed, he laughs and says, yeaaaah right.

[Patrycja]

I have no advice :( I get on here when DH starts with his Xbox,because what else am I going to do?Watch him play Tiger Woods?I do join in with him from time to time but with the kids-its sort of hard to play video games when they're awake.But-if hes not playing games-I do get off of here.I've been cutting back alot recently because I really don't have much to say to anyone at the moment...
I am on here late late late at night because of my insomnia though :(

[brok3nwings]

ahahah
im with my boyfriend for 3 years and he knows that one thing i care about is my hair...its true that for a long time i kept changing it but that was because i needed to like my hair (of course, big mistake), anyway, now that i found LHC he knows that im going to the Pc to come here, and he is a bit sick of having me asking him everyday, how does my hair look? ... lol

Anyway i think your husband may be right if you have been spending the time that was supposed to be for both of us, here. He is certenly missing you and jealous of the attention you give to something like a "chat" ..eheh

[mommy2one05]

aww Be patient with him, but maybe you should take a night or two off to spend with him or get in your time during the day and take the evenings off. Over time I'm sure he will get used to it.

[nomadhome]

Was he joking/teasing or seriously upset? I think there needs to be a balance. I live with my fiance and we understand that we have some separate interests and need time to indulge them. He plays video games and I don't see the draw. He's obsessed with reading the news, while I get all I need from NPR in the car and so on. I read a lot of fiction, am interested in hair, like to paint and knit and write. Partners need to give each other time for these things. (Although we do tease each other good naturedly.) But, at the same time we need to make time for each other as well-- whether it's going out to do something fun, or curling up to watch a movie, or chatting on the balcony.

Good luck with finding the balance that works for you. :)

[ladystar]

I had a discussion about my hair with my bf last night. He likes to tease me because its something kind of new with all theses new treatments and henna. He says the same, get off the freaken hair form. Yet me does the same with his bike and his cars. I think its a matter of them getting use to it. Don't get me wrong if he wants to cuddle I am the first one there, most of the time I get off before he does anyway, but he still has something to say about it. Its annoying.

[brok3nwings]

ladystar that only means he cares for you, and he notices whats going on ;)

[Emme76]

Ladystar - my Dh is the same way..hahahah...he teases me a bit about it also...laughing when I run around with all different treatments in my hair...dripping everywhere. The smell of ACV in the morning...lol...and cassia all over the tub ónce when I forgot to rise it all....heheheh..
Sometimes I laugh with him about it, but other times it is a bit annoying. It is all a new thing and he knows it means alot to me..so he is fine with it..! But he loves to joke around..and I guess I am an easy target with egg all over my hair running around with a papertowel wiping my forehead every 2 minutes :D!!!!

/Emme

[bte]

Get him to grow his hair, log on, and spend as much time here as you do!

[Stephanie]

Aww, he misses you! Liked maskedrose said, balance is the key. If I were married, I would want my husband to spend equal quality time with me along with his computer usage. I think a nice romantic candlelit dinner would be nice (followed by some cuddling)! :flowers:
Yup! He misses you. My husband gets the same way. :inlove:

[Islandgrrl]

It's good, I think, to consider what's really important and find balance.

Personally, I confine my time at LHC to the hours I'm at work (I know, not feasible for everyone but I have a job where it doesn't matter and it doesn't interfere with my productivity). I can pop in and out and get my fill (which is considerably less than it was in the first couple of months after I joined).

I'm never on the computer, not even to check email, when I'm at home (rare exceptions, like when I'm home alone). I'd rather be speinding time with my family, and let's face it - my people are more important than what kind of conditioner I should use or whether I should do an SMT or whether or not my henna fades.

My suggestion would be to find a balance that works for you. Limit yourself to a small amount of time on the boards and spend the rest of your time with DH.

[jojo]

are we married to the same person? my DH says the exact same thing as yours!

[eadwine]

I would say lessen the computer time and increase the family time. He is feeling neglected :)

[ladystar]

Ladystar - my Dh is the same way..hahahah...he teases me a bit about it also...laughing when I run around with all different treatments in my hair...dripping everywhere. The smell of ACV in the morning...lol...and cassia all over the tub ónce when I forgot to rise it all....heheheh..
Sometimes I laugh with him about it, but other times it is a bit annoying. It is all a new thing and he knows it means alot to me..so he is fine with it..! But he loves to joke around..and I guess I am an easy target with egg all over my hair running around with a papertowel wiping my forehead every 2 minutes :D!!!!

/Emme


I don't mind us joking around with us alone at home. The part that bothers me is when he is sarcastic around people about my hair and the things I do to it. :(

[Alaskanheart]

I agree to take a few nights off, and try to go to bed with him for now on.I can relate to your husband about this.My husband does Fantasy Football every season, and all he does is sit on the computer looking up stats, picking players up ,dropping players , organizing his Roster, and he is also the league manager so every football season I get to feeling very irritated and maybe a bit jealous too.

Sounds like your husband enjoys your company, and misses your time together.Thats a good thing.

[heidi w.]

He's not jealous. He misses you.

heidi w.

[heidi w.]

Balance is everything. These folks won't be here for you necessarily, when you're an old lady, but he just might be if you play your cards right! LOL;)

heidi w.

[heidi w.]

I don't mind us joking around with us alone at home. The part that bothers me is when he is sarcastic around people about my hair and the things I do to it. :(

Then deal with that, and try to balance out how much time you spend on the hair board(s) with the time you spend with him. These, to me, are separate issues. He might be more inclined to use the public embarassment as a way to get the message delivered if he can't get it delivered privately (so far it doesn't seem to have worked the snipey comments): he misses you, and he's questioning your priorities in its way -- as it relates to how he misses you.

heidi w.

[heidi w.]

I would solve the problem with humor....

Hon, I figured out that you're missing me, and that is SO SWEET! I love that about you. OK, so I'm going to go to bed with you every night like we used to and watch movies with you and stuff like that, and take it easy on the boards when you're around. I'd like it, though, if you could watch the comments about my hair and all that in public to our friends.

I'm really sorry that I got kinda engrossed. It is kinda addictive, but you're way more addictive.

And cuddle and all that ... whatever, like that.

And keep your promise. Apologies count. He just wants you to realize where he's coming from. It's not the most likely thing that he'll first express it positively, as in directly, I miss you. Snipey comments. After that comes outright anger and rage. He'll want to drop kick the computer out the window, then. But if you kinda verbally let him know you got the message in a fun and positive way, you guys will be back on track in no time. And he'll have 'his girl' back and love your hair too!

heidi w.

[happylynngilmer]

My husband can't complain. I am rarely on LHC when I am home because HE IS PLAYING WoW.

So when I get the computer Saturday morning, I always take a really long time getting off of it. See how he likes being ignored while I'm occupied with all *my* guildmates (aka, longhairs)!

Although, truth be told, we have the same length hair and what I learn I pass onto him so he usually doesn't mind if I hog the comp a bit on Saturdays :}

[GlennaGirl]

My husband can't complain. I am rarely on LHC when I am home because HE IS PLAYING WoW.

So when I get the computer Saturday morning, I always take a really long time getting off of it. See how he likes being ignored while I'm occupied with all *my* guildmates (aka, longhairs)!

Although, truth be told, we have the same length hair and what I learn I pass onto him so he usually doesn't mind if I hog the comp a bit on Saturdays :}

I have a WOWer too. And EQ2 and LOTROL. But I would say we spend about equal time on our computers. We each have one.

[Dianyla]

And keep your promise. Apologies count. He just wants you to realize where he's coming from. It's not the most likely thing that he'll first express it positively, as in directly, I miss you. Snipey comments. After that comes outright anger and rage. He'll want to drop kick the computer out the window, then.
I agree that it's always good to be coming from a positive place of love when tackling problems in a relationship. However, a supposedly mature adult who resorts to snipey comments and then escalates to anger and rage? That's abusive and controlling behavior. Run away! :run:

[RavennaNight]

Mines getting used to it. He likes me to have long hair almost as much as I do. I just assure him its all for a good cause. He misses me ironing hair straight, though, but he knows that's mad unhealthy. Then again I just joined LHC two weeks ago so its still new to him...

[angelthadiva]

Ya know, he could have it a lot worse...At least you are at home, and not running the streets doing God knows what!

Sometimes they are never happy...You cook, and clean and raise their kids, but it's not enough...They go off hunting, fishing, golfing or whatever...You want a little "me" time and they start acting like Chicken effing Little!

I say, go on strike! Quit cooking, cleaning or doing whatever it is you do...Let him walk around hungry and naked...I betcha he won't say a peep, and if he's stupid enough to, tell him to get a life! :D

[Shimmy]

He sounds controling. :(

[Nynaeve]

Aww, he misses you! Liked maskedrose said, balance is the key. If I were married, I would want my husband to spend equal quality time with me along with his computer usage. I think a nice romantic candlelit dinner would be nice (followed by some cuddling)! :flowers:

Agreed. Whole-ly and completely. Maybe some time off is in order.
Though you should probably tell him he should be happy for you pursuing not only a new interest, but potentially a healthier lifestyle. :P
But yes, cuddle time!!!

[Rustella]

He sounds controling. :(


Not at all. Now my ex-husband, HE was controlling. I could not tollerate another controlling person after that mess.

My husband is wonderfull and we are bestest-bestest friends as well as all the good stuff that goes with marriage. He's just used to getting all my attention. I think I've spoiled him. :)

[Rustella]

Ya know, he could have it a lot worse...At least you are at home, and not running the streets doing God knows what!

Sometimes they are never happy...You cook, and clean and raise their kids, but it's not enough...They go off hunting, fishing, golfing or whatever...You want a little "me" time and they start acting like Chicken effing Little!

I say, go on strike! Quit cooking, cleaning or doing whatever it is you do...Let him walk around hungry and naked...I betcha he won't say a peep, and if he's stupid enough to, tell him to get a life! :D



That's exactly it! My life revolves around DH and DD. I have spoiled them both. I know, that's my fault, but there's a house to be run and if you want something done right.....In the meantime there's no "me" time. So I expressed this to him tonight. He's away at a conference right now (pursuing his OWN interests). When he comes home I'll try to stay off the computer and focus on him. But still, I need a hobby that doesn't involve cooking or cleaning or taxi-driving. What better hobby than hair? I can't play online when I'm at work, it's out of the question. I'll just have to start reading faster when I'm on here and go to bed when he goes to bed.

Thanks for the advice everyone. DH isn't seriously mad, just spoiled! :p

[Emme76]

Ladystar - That is so not nice. My DH doesn´t joke around when other people are there, unless I joke about it myself.
I can understand how that must make you feel. I would react just the same way as you do. I bet really sitting down and talking to him about it doesn´t help? Maybe just not letting him get to you, will make him stop...!!!!

Hope it will get better..!!
Hugs
Emme

[angelthadiva]

That's exactly it! My life revolves around DH and DD. I have spoiled them both. I know, that's my fault, but there's a house to be run and if you want something done right.....In the meantime there's no "me" time. <snip>DH isn't seriously mad, just spoiled! :p

Ahem, kinda thought so... :flower:

I can think of much worse ways for you to be spending your time, as with anything, maintaining a balance is the key...

If you began neglecting the things you'd normally be doing around the house to keep things running smoothly, he might have a point...I don't see that happening.

He's doing his thing, as I had suspected, so there is nothing wrong with you having your interests as well--So long as they aren't taking away from your job or being a wife/mother...

Good luck finding that balance! :D

[heidi w.]

FYI, snipey comments is a form of anger. It's his way of giving you notice that he's not overly happy with how time is being spent, and mostly how he's being treated behind it -- that is ignored and the usual stuff he looked forward to, well, he misses it.

If it's only lately (these comments have arisen), then again, this is an easy problem to fix. Compromise and discussion.

Sure you could be out doing whatever, and 'at least you're home'. But a relationship/marriage is much more than occupying space.


heidi w.

[ladystar]

Ladystar - That is so not nice. My DH doesn´t joke around when other people are there, unless I joke about it myself.
I can understand how that must make you feel. I would react just the same way as you do. I bet really sitting down and talking to him about it doesn´t help? Maybe just not letting him get to you, will make him stop...!!!!

Hope it will get better..!!
Hugs
Emme


Well I spoke to him and he is understands now not to bug me in front of people.
He didn't know it bothered me all that much. :shrug: