Little Boys with Long Hair?

[mattt]

Just saw my little neighbor who is about 8 and he has hair to his waist. Got me to thinking what do all of you other long haired people think about that? I asked the mom one time and she said they had been growing it form day one. Personally I think moms should wait until their sons are older to avoid some of the gender confusion and until they ask to grow it out themselves, but thats just me.

[Loreley]

I totally agree with you. If I saw a boy with hair this long I'd think his mom wanted to have a daughter and now she's pretending to have one. Maybe he is not as popular amongst the other boys at school as he would be with shorter hair. If I had a son I'd let him to have long hair but only shoulder length or shorter. Waist length is a bit strange on an 8 year old boy.

[Kristina713]

Well -- it probably depends on the cultural context. I live in a town with large Native population and lots of little Native boys have long ponytails. It's completely normal and ordinary. That said, I guess I would hesitate to do anything to my child's appearance that would make them seem "strange" -- it just seems like unnecessary stress for a child. Of course, once they're a teenager, they'll probably want to be strange, but then a parent has little control over that...

[GlennaGirl]

Here in Los Angeles County I see tons of boys with long hair. Not always waist length, but definitely longer than one might expect to see elsewhere.

I've seen shoulder length hair on little boys as young as three (at my son's preschool) and on up to and through high school. :)

[Siava]

Oh gosh, this was years ago, but I had a friend whose little brother had straight, long hair almost to waist. The little boy absolutely adored it and was forever twirling it around his finger. I guess it was his version of a security blanket. The mom didn't care either way. She'd periodically ask him if he'd like to have it cut short like other boys and he always refused. I wonder what it looks like now that he's all grown up.

[*Aoife*]

I like it. I don't like people growing their daughters hair out and insisting their sons have buzz cuts. Of course the kid should be allowed to chop it all off if he's sick of it.
Maybe a little boy who looks slightly different would grow up a little more tolerent of people who don't look just like him.

[Maplecat]

Maybe a little boy who looks slightly different would grow up a little more tolerent of people who don't look just like him.

I agree with this. I also don't think that long hair on a male has anything to do with gender confusion.

Maybe it is just my family, but the only way my son's hair could grow that long is if he liked it. My little guy knows his mind and that is why he is in control of what his hair looks like. So far, he wants his hair super short like his Papa's hair. If he ever decides to grow it, I'm sure it will be beautiful.

[*Aoife*]

I agree with this. I also don't think that long hair on a male has anything to do with gender confusion.

Maybe it is just my family, but the only way my son's hair could grow that long is if he liked it. My little guy knows his mind and that is why he is in control of what his hair looks like. So far, he wants his hair super short like his Papa's hair. If he ever decides to grow it, I'm sure it will be beautiful.

Thank you for that :) You sound like a sweet mom

[spidermom]

Years ago DH and I had a friend with a son who had long hair (tailbone or longer). He almost always wore a big round pin-on button (like you see with political slogans) that said: I am not a girl. I am a boy with long hair. If anybody said anything, he'd point to his button.

[pinkbunny]

I don't see anything wrong with it as long as it doesn't cause gender confusion. I once accidentally referred to a baby as as girl instead of a boy, and the mother was extremely rude about it. Well I'm sorry, but that african american baby with a big poofy ponytail on top of his head looked girly - and the generic clothing didn't help either!

On the other hand, I was at a mobile daycare photo shoot and saw the cutest little 3 yr old boy with shoulder length blonde hair looking like a surfer with his rockin' Hurley shirt on! That's how it's done...

[Arctic_Mama]

I like long hair on men, but I think it needs to be s choice older men make. I am a huge proponent of traditional sex-specific attire on children. When they leave my house they can do what they want, but my girls are dressing like girls and my boys like boys as long as I have a say. I have a longer haired husband, I am not opposed, but anything below shoulder isn't something i'd allow my son to wear under my roof.

[Armelle]

I'm alright with it but do think that parents shouldn't be surprised if strangers think that the kid is a girl at first glance. I've made that mistake once and I just got a semi-snappish, tired response that the pre-schooler with long wavy blonde hair was actually a boy. How was I supposed to know?

[florenonite]

I think that by the age of 8 a boy is old enough to know whether or not he wants long hair. If the parents are forcing it upon him, then I think that's not right, but I equally think it's not right for them to force him to have short hair. It's only been in the past century or so that men have even had short hair, why should we force boys to do it? Besides that, I disagree with trying to force children into conventional gender stereotypes, whether that be through dress, hobbies, behaviour, etc. All gender is is a social construct*, and heaven knows children have enough of those forced on them without adding gender to the heap.

*If you want to be pedantic (as I am ;)), 'sex' refers to a biological sex whilst 'gender' is the behaviours associated with that sex.

[Peter]

I don't think it's a problem unless being mistaken for a girl is bothersome to the boy. Personally, I don't consider it insulting or demeaning for someone to think I'm female because of my hair. It's happened to me several times and I don't really care.

[Anlbe]

My cousin had below shoulder wavey bright blonde hair until he was thirteen. People did sometimes mistake him for a girl, which was hilarious as he wore nothing but t-shirts and combats, but it never bothered him - it may seem strange to say this but in our family being male/female didn't seem to be a big part of our identities until we get to teenagerhood. Unless it's was day for smart clothes our outfits were pretty interchangeable and for the rest of us hair styles only varied from a longish boy hair to a page boy cut, and that was dictated by hair type not our gender.

When he was thirteen he cut it off for a charity day at school and since then has varied between longish boy hair to just touching his shoulders. As far as I know neither he nor any of my other cousins have been confused about their gender.

Historically boys and girls used to be treated the same until about seven (when boys were 'breached'). In old portaits you can only tell little boys from girls by the jewelrey (girls wore pearls and flowers).
http://www.maximiliangenealogy.co.uk/hogarth/hogarth31.html the toddler in the cart is a boy.

[mattt]

Interesting opinions. Maybe my neighbor will always be a long hair now never having known short hair. He loves it too, at least that's what his mom says.

[ericthegreat]

Just saw my little neighbor who is about 8 and he has hair to his waist. Got me to thinking what do all of you other long haired people think about that? I asked the mom one time and she said they had been growing it form day one. Personally I think moms should wait until their sons are older to avoid some of the gender confusion and until they ask to grow it out themselves, but thats just me.

Well, I'm not a father and nor do I plan on ever having any biological children(I'm gay), but if I hypothetically had a son then I would allow my son the freedom to express himself however he would like to. Even if he were very young say 3 or 4 years old, if he ever expressed an opinion that he wanted to grow his hair long or wanted to play with dolls, I'd fully support him. The same would hold true if I hypothetically had a daughter and if she happened to be a tomboy.

I myself simply don't believe in any traditional gender roles. Hair naturally grows long on both sexes, so by nature long hair is completely unisex. Yes, I myself have been the target of some name calling and getting laughed at and the usual odd stares. But I really don't care what other people think. I grow my hair out for ME, not anyone else. I love MY HAIR, and that's all that matters. If I somehow had a son who wanted to grow his hair long, I would no doubt support him one million percent. :)

[halo_tightens]

It's entirely up to the child and his parents! My baby brother (he's 7 now) has had long hair off and on. He didn't want to cut it at all from the ages of about 2 to 5, and for a long time his silky curls were around waist length. He did get tired of being teased about it when he went off to kindergarten, and made the decision himself to have it cut into a short boys' style.

Lately he's started letting it grow again, and it's now fast approaching APL. I'm glad that he knows what he wants, and glad that my mom is letting him have his own choice in the matter. Who knows what he'll decide in the future? As we say from time to time, it's "just" hair! :)

[Teazel]

When DS20 was about 4 he said he wanted to grow his hair long, so we stopped cutting it. After a few months he changed his mind, so it got cut. No big deal - I think every little boy -and girl - I've ever known has gone through this stage. Long hair is infectious! :D

ericthegreat - I couldn't agree more. For a while my son also loved a hand-me-down doll from his cousin; it freaked DH out to see his boy clutching a doll, but he managed to control himself. :lol: I think it only does harm to get worked up about these things, ... heck, when I was a kid I detested dolls; I wanted a train set! :shrug:

I've always remembered a little boy I met at a marina when I was about 9; his hair was waistlength and beautiful. He was a very 'manly' boy, so there was no chance of mistaking him for a girl, and very secure in himself. In fact I think he was the coolest kid I've ever met. Wonder where he is and what he's doing now....

[gypsychild]

I agree with florenonite about 8 being a good age to make decisions about hair length. Recently, I've noticed boys ages 10-14 almost uniformly having much longer hair than usual. Seems to be some sort of trend to me. Waist-length, in my opinion, is a little out there (not to mention a little hazardous for someone so small) but I don't see anything wrong with boys of any age having longer hair. I've seen toddler girls looking boyish due to short hair, and I doubt any gender identity issues have resulted from it. Plus, long hair is better for headbanging!

[Themyst]

I think it's only the parent's business how their son wears his hair, as long as the son likes it. I personally find it refreshing when a parent teaches his child to not be just another cog in the machine. Besides, I've seen more often parents that have their little daughter's hair cut so short I confuse them with boys. :shrug:

I've always had my DS7 get a flat-top. But this last time, he was leaping through the men's hair books at the salon and informed me he wanted the longish-tousled spikey look on top. I didn't even know he had a preference until he told me.

[Alun]

I don't agree with the OP. I don't believe that there's any minimum age for boys to have long hair.

OTOH, until they are old enough to have an opinion you have to make some kind of decision for them. Nine times out of ten, this is going to be based on their father's hair style, whatever that may be, and it would probably be quite odd if it weren't. Maybe the OP's position is reasonable if her husband has short hair, but that doesn't make it a general statement that should apply to everyone.

We let our son's hair grow out until he said he wanted it cut shorter, when he was 8. He went for a spiky haircut until he was 12, and then decided to let it grow back out. Now he's 16, and so far doesn't show any sign of wanting to go short again, although a little while back he was dating a girl who had short hair.

When he was younger, some people did mistake him for a girl, but they must have had faulty eyesight, because he never looked like one. He wasn't bothered by it atall, and just said they were stupid.

His best friend back when he was little was a boy with a bright red waist length mullet! Of course, that boy's parents were our best friends, and also had long hair (but no mullets!), and he got his hair colour from his mother (but who dyed her own hair blonde).

ETA: I left out the most important point. The gender confusion only occurs in the adults, not in the kids they are looking at!

[Unofficial_Rose]

We kept our son's hair short until he was 12 - when he decided to grow it out. He's just turned 15 and it's mid-back. He won't hear of getting it cut! People do sometimes mistake him for a girl, but he doesn't mind in the least.

[invisiblebabe]

Not a huge fan, but if the boy is old enough to wash, comb, and take care of his hair himself, then I don't object. Same goes for little girls with pierced ears... I think it's silly unless they are able to clean the piercing sites themselves.

[joiekimochi]

My mom kept my brother's hair in a longish mop when he was younger because he had the most beautiful shiny black curls (and it was rare for Asians to have perfect ringlets) but had to get it cut short when he was 4 and had to attend state-run kindergarten, which had strict uniform policies. In my country, every public school and perhaps most private schools had strict regulations on hairstyles for boys and girls. Boys had to have short hair and girls could either have short hair, or restrain their long hair (buns, ponytails, braids). So even if children or teenagers wanted to express themselves with their hair, they aren't allowed to by educational institutions. I personally would let my children to whatever to their hair except set fire to it, since it would harm them.

[JamieLeigh]

My kids all get to choose. And all 3 of my boys prefer their heads to be shaved in summertime. I don't blame them, Alabama summers are too hot and muggy for little boys with long hair. :p

[*Aoife*]

I was thinking about this again today and I was thinking how much it shows about how we value boys vs. girls. It's perfecty acceptable for a little girl to chop her hair off, but it's deemed awful for a little boy to grow his out.

[pennylane]

I respect all decisions parents take about their children.

Having said that, i believe children should be playing and studying and learning about life ... not worrying about the length of their hair.


my two cents.

[neon-dream]

It's not something you'd see around my area, and I agree that the boy should be able to make his own decision. He may be bullied, but that depends on the area.

[JaclynBailey]

I think that by eight if that boy has long hair, well then he probably wants it long. My husband and I have a policy that it is their head. If they want short hair, fine. If they want long hair fine. If they want purple hair it is fine as long as it is not against the rules at their school and they pay for it themselves.

[May]

I have a four month old baby boy and I don't plan on cutting his hair until he's at least 3! :P If he ever wants it long after that I would love for him to be able to choose his hair length. I wouldn't send him to school on the first day with long hair un case he got made fun of...because that would make me sad. Personally, if that wasn't an issue though, I would grow his hair out and never cut it :)

[Quixii]

I think it should be up to the kid. If it gets long enough that it's in his eyes but he's too young to clearly express an opinion, I might cut it. Otherwise, I would probably keep it long until he said otherwise. I enjoy long hair, and I don't see why I shouldn't share that with my son. If people confuse him with a girl, well.. I don't know. I'd probably try to make clearly not, but I just don't see it as much of an issue unless he feels emotionally hurt by it.

[patience]

I have a 9 yr. old son that has long hair (reaching mid-back if his waves are stretched out). It was his decision. His father would like it cut, but as long as he can take care of it my husband keeps his mouth shut. He's been accidentally called a she on many occasions, but he has learned to let it not bother him. Most of the time, it's just people not paying attention and just see the hair. Most of the time, he and I just laugh about it because he's almost always wearing camo cargo pants, dark t-shirt (with skulls or something else "masculine") and a skull cap with flames or skulls pictured on it. He knows it's just people not thinking. He's a very Alpha male and secure with his own identity. When people ask him when is he going to cut it, he proudly announces he plans to grow it out until it drags on the ground. :)


btw, his older brother has a "normal" boy cut.

[rexy]

I myself simply don't believe in any traditional gender roles. Hair naturally grows long on both sexes, so by nature long hair is completely unisex. Yes, I myself have been the target of some name calling and getting laughed at and the usual odd stares. But I really don't care what other people think. I grow my hair out for ME, not anyone else. I love MY HAIR, and that's all that matters. If I somehow had a son who wanted to grow his hair long, I would no doubt support him one million percent. :)

I agree with you eric :)

[adiapalic]

I don't see it as a problem. Many parents are comfortable enough to let their children explore outside the cultural gender "norms" set by American* society standards. Without a about, the only "gender confusion" that this little boy is going to experience is people mistaking him for a girl because of conventional gender stereotyping. :twocents:

*This should say "western society" instead, as I sometimes forget to be more general. I apologize for sounding too "nationalist". :o

[GlassEyes]

I don't believe a little kid with long hair brings 'gender confusion'. I had short hair as a young boy. I also played with barbies and played dress up with my sister--short hair was not a factor in that, and, honestly, I don't really think that caused me any gender confusion either. I consider myself rather cisgendered, thank you.

In any context, it's up to the parent, and their parenting style. For myself, I'd let the kid choose, within reason. If he/she had long hair, and wanted to cut it, I'd likely let them, probably.

Plus, bonus points if you can get a little boy to have long hair and get a comb through it. :eyeroll: I hated doing anything with my hair when I was little.

[JaclynBailey]

My borderline autistic son loved having his hair brushed. It was just past shoulder length when he asked to cut it to shut his teacher up.

[Peter]

Plus, bonus points if you can get a little boy to have long hair and get a comb through it. :eyeroll: I hated doing anything with my hair when I was little.
Haha, this is so true!

[princessp]

The thing I want to know is what is "gender confusion"? If a boy wants his hair long, he should be able to grow it long. Basically, I'd let him decide and wouldn't worry about "confusion" (what ever the heck that is). I wholeheartedly disagree with forcing rigid assignments on how someone else should look (this also applies to forcing long hair on a kid who doesn't want it). Advertising already has the job of telling us what we should look like anyway. So the earlier a child is encouraged to consider these kinds of personal decisions, the more confident s/he will be with their own uniqueness and personal style as they grow.

[julliams]

I have an 8 year old son and I'm pretty sure that if he really wanted his hair in a certain way, he would let me know. If this boy didn't like this hair long, he would be most likely let it be known and would probably ask and ask and ask for it to be cut until it finally was cut. I guess you have to assume that he likes it and his family like it.

[florenonite]

I was thinking about this again today and I was thinking how much it shows about how we value boys vs. girls. It's perfecty acceptable for a little girl to chop her hair off, but it's deemed awful for a little boy to grow his out.

This is a really good point. Although it's not overt anymore, the idea that boys are better still pervades society. I've got three sisters, and no brothers. When I tell people this, they say "Aww, your poor dad!" No, not really. He loves us as we are, he doesn't need us to have male sex organs to be good children :rolleyes:. I'm actually really close with my dad, and we have a lot of similar interests.

[Lélie]

I don't have children but if i had, i'd let him do what he wants with his hair ...
For me it's important that children understand that their body is "theirs", and no-one else can decide for them.

This include hair and clothes : from the moment it's decent (won't let them run naked in the streets ! lol), i won't force them to be dressed a way or another way. I remember that all family sundays were a torture : me and my mum spent an hour yelling and crying because i didn't like dresses ! She "won" until i was 12, then i "won" and she spent half the day grumpy about it !
Plus, i don't think unconventional hair is a big issue for a child ... i used to have short hair from 8 to 10, i've been called "he" many times, and i really didn't care, i was happy with my short hair !

The exception if it's something permanent that they could regret (= piercing or tatoo), i'll have them to wait until their 18. I'm glad my parents did that with me ... Now i'd hate a hole in the face and the weird tatoos i used to love when i was 15 !

[Toadstool]

ETA: I left out the most important point. The gender confusion only occurs in the adults, not in the kids they are looking at!
Hear hear!

[ericthegreat]

Actually, I really feel that if a child has early experience in learning how to deal with bullying, resisting the peer pressure to conform, and actually accepting his or her individuality then he or she will in fact grow up to be a very strong and confident human being. Parents should encourage their children to embrace what makes them special, and if that includes growing out his hair long for a son, then by all means let the boy be happy! :cheer:

[bte]

I wish my parents had allowed me (or preferably encouraged me) to let my hair grow uncut until at least my eighth birthday. I think a lot depends on the parents, the boy, and those around them. It must have been at about that age I started to understand that I wanted to grow my hair, so I guess that he's probably old enough to understand what he wants and at least some of the issues.

He must have great parents to allow him to be an individual.

[FrannyG]

As a parent, I've always found that there are far too many things we have to restrict our children from doing, just to keep them safe. Hair is not such an issue, at least in my eyes. I've never told my (now-grown) kids what to do with it. When my son wanted to grow it long when he was 8 or 9, I just went with it. When he wanted it cut, I just went with it.

I did the same with my daughter. She used to get her hair cut very short and then grow it very long. It was her choice.

As regards gender issues or possible teasing, I would suspect that if the boy was having a hard time with it, he could ask to have his hair cut. I really don't see the problem.

[GoddesJourney]

I think the kid would ask to have his hair cut if he wanted it that way. There are a lot of little boys running around my neighborhood with shoulder length hair. I like it. There are girls all over the place with "boy cuts". That doesn't seem to cause any confusion. When kids are a certain age, it's pretty difficult to tell their gender anyway. Honestly, their faces are pretty unisex as babies and sometimes as toddlers. Long hair is one of the ways *we* use to mark the girls as girls. My childhood friend shaved her head and played football in high school. I've dated dudes with long hair and short hair. As long as they wash it, I'm happy.

I plan to have kids within the next two years. I suspect that if I have a little girl, I will probably not cut her hair (just trims) until she asks for it. If I have a little boy, I will probably keep it at some kind of "flip length" like the kids in my neighborhood. That way he can enjoy his hair. If he wants it shorter, we can cut it. If he wants to grow it out, he will already have a head start. My husband looks great with that length. My dad has always had hair around that length, although he cuts it back for job related reasons now and then. My brother had it flip length when he was younger, but then he started shaving it and never looked back. I think he does it because it's easier, but my mom really misses his hair. We tease him that he should enjoy it while he has it, because although my dad still has all of his hair, all of the men in my mom's family went bald. You never know. I think all guys should have their hair long at one point or another in their life, just in case they never get that chance again. Take pictures to show your kids.

[Hana]

i think the longest I've seen on a male under the age of about 15 was shoulder length. after that, I guess its deemed ok to grow it longer, because its more of a "phase theyre going through". eyeroll.

Mind you, I do agree with what both Alun and Eric said.
"I left out the most important point. The gender confusion only occurs in the adults, not in the kids they are looking at!"
"Actually, I really feel that if a child has early experience in learning how to deal with bullying, resisting the peer pressure to conform, and actually accepting his or her individuality then he or she will in fact grow up to be a very strong and confident human being. Parents should encourage their children to embrace what makes them special"
To me, these are the most important points. The rest is just vanity.

[jaine]

If I had kids I would let them choose their own haircut, starting at the age where they can understand what I'm talking about when I ask them what hairstyle they want.

[danacc]

I think that by the age of 8 a boy is old enough to know whether or not he wants long hair. If the parents are forcing it upon him, then I think that's not right, but I equally think it's not right for them to force him to have short hair. It's only been in the past century or so that men have even had short hair, why should we force boys to do it? Besides that, I disagree with trying to force children into conventional gender stereotypes, whether that be through dress, hobbies, behaviour, etc. All gender is is a social construct*, and heaven knows children have enough of those forced on them without adding gender to the heap.

*If you want to be pedantic (as I am ;)), 'sex' refers to a biological sex whilst 'gender' is the behaviours associated with that sex.

Agreed. There is no "magic age" when kids start having preferences in how they look and present themselves. One of my kids had definite opinions before the age of 2. Another didn't care one way or the other until around 8. I think by 8, most of us have an opinion, though, even if the opinion is "don't care". As long as it's the kid's call, and not the parents pushing it on him, I see nothing unhealthy about a boy who happens to like his hair long.

[Fractalsofhair]

I see no reason why a boy shouldn't have his hair long. I might wonder why a mother or father would put a pink bow in it, and dress him in a pink shirt and pants, or some such thing, if he also has long hair, because that could cause gender confusion for others, but if it was what the boy wanted to wear, I see no reason he shouldn't. Children's clothes should make the gender clear enough. I had a bowl cut when I was little(lesson learned, don't go to a stylist who just got dumped by the owner of the salon!) and although I was mistaken for a boy and hated it, I also wore boy clothes a lot, greens and blues, since pastel pink looked hideous on me.

[madisenz]

I think it should be up to the kid. I would probably keep it short for the first years for ease. Although, if when I have a kid and he wants long hair I wont stop him!

[GRU]

I knew a family whose boys were named Carol and Sasha, and both had flowing long blond hair. :roll:

[pennylane]

I knew a family whose boys were named Carol and Sasha, and both had flowing long blond hair. :roll:


LOL !!!!! you made me laugh there!:trainwreck:

[angelthadiva]

Well -- it probably depends on the cultural context. I live in a town with large Native population and lots of little Native boys have long ponytails. It's completely normal and ordinary. That said, I guess I would hesitate to do anything to my child's appearance that would make them seem "strange" -- it just seems like unnecessary stress for a child. Of course, once they're a teenager, they'll probably want to be strange, but then a parent has little control over that...


Years ago DH and I had a friend with a son who had long hair (tailbone or longer). He almost always wore a big round pin-on button (like you see with political slogans) that said: I am not a girl. I am a boy with long hair. If anybody said anything, he'd point to his button.

I loved these two posts! Thank you, Kristina for mentioning what you did. As someone who just volunteered to work on a reservation for the last two weeks; I can tell you that I often saw longhairs of the male gender MORE often than the female gender. This was from young to old.

I'd also like to share two experiences, a prof of mine is raising their grandson. They do not cut his hair; the little boy is currently 3 and has longish blonde curly hair that they do pull back in little clips and such to keep the hair out of his eyes. The boy, Conner, is often referred to as a girl even with very boy typical clothing.

Another experience is one my cohort shared with me about her son. He was interested in dolls and such as a young boy which was very strongly encouraged. Not just supported (there is a difference), but even to the point where it was a bit forced upon. Admittedly, the mother "always wanted a daughter" and was not at all surprised (her words) when he came out as being gay. She said she knew, and all her family always knew because he was interested in "girl things" (again, her words). This really concerned me. Just because a child shows interest in other things does not mean they are gay. There are many girls who are into sports, excel in sports even which may gain them the name of being a tomboy, but that does not mean they are gay. The reverse is also true, if a boy is sensitive and kind into poetry, flowers etc, that does not mean they are gay.

I HATE gender specific toys, roles, clothing and HAIR! Just let people be people for pity sake! /End rant! :soapbox:

[windinherhair]

My Uncle kept my cousins hair to his shoulders while he was a young boy and I always thought he looked so great with it. There may have been some gender confusion at times, but he seemed to like his longer hair too. Someday if I have a son, I wouldnt hesitate to do the same, but I am thinking anything longer then shoulders I wouldnt do. It would depend on what the boy would want too. After all, I wanted long hair as a child and didnt get to have it until later.

[Alun]

I knew a family whose boys were named Carol and Sasha, and both had flowing long blond hair. :roll:

Ummm, well, Sasha (not sure if that's spelt right, actually, I think it's pronounced that way but spelt Sacha) is definitely a boy's name. It's Russian, I think, or maybe French (e.g. Sacha Distel, a singer and definitely male) but it's definitely not a girl's name, even if it might sound a little like one just because of the sound of the word to some people.

Carol, OTOH, can be a boy's name, but hardly ever is. It's almost always a girl's name. Like Kim, for example, or Marion (although the latter is at least spelt differently from the female Marian). Or take Robin, which is always a boy's name in my native England, but apparently invariably a girl's name here in the US, apart from Batman's sidekick, and some people aren't sure about him (!). Thank heaven my parents didn't name me Robin. It wouldn't have had any female or unisex connotations to them whatsoever. It cuts both ways of course. If you are an American female called Robin then any Brit seeing your name written down would automatically assume that you were a guy. There are lots of names that aren't automatically a particular gender, although most parents avoid naming their kids with them, and especially not their boys. If they really wanted a girl, though ...

[angelthadiva]

I actually know parents who named their boys girl names to make them tougher! Their kids were classmates of mine. Their names were: Kim, Stacy, Tracy and Jamie. Personally I think that's a stupid reason to give unisex names, but that's my not so humble opinion. These boys were in an out of trouble their whole school career and were finally "known" by their last names only, The Jones Boys. Kinda made them sound like a gang.


I've known Sasha to be a Russian name also; typically male. My cousin (female) was named after her grandfather; her name is Sasha.

[Peter]

...

I HATE gender specific toys, roles, clothing and HAIR! Just let people be people for pity sake! /End rant! :soapbox:
So true! :)

[rchorr]

My son is 8. After having met Dave Decker (wave to Dave!), he's decided that he wants his hair long, too. He's discovering that he now has to condition it and comb it. His 11 year old sister has classic length hair, and I've been teaching her how to take care of her own hair as long as she can remember ;^)

I told my son that I didn't mind long hair on guys, but that his grandfather (my father-in-law) was going to give him a hard time about it!

So, I think boys having long hair is an ok thing.

RCHORR'

[ArienEllariel]

Ummm, well, Sasha (not sure if that's spelt right, actually, I think it's pronounced that way but spelt Sacha) is definitely a boy's name. It's Russian, I think, or maybe French (e.g. Sacha Distel, a singer and definitely male) but it's definitely not a girl's name, even if it might sound a little like one just because of the sound of the word to some people.

I knew a girl named Sasha growing up so it can be used for either gender.

[Alun]

I actually know parents who named their boys girl names to make them tougher! Their kids were classmates of mine. Their names were: Kim, Stacy, Tracy and Jamie. Personally I think that's a stupid reason to give unisex names, but that's my not so humble opinion. These boys were in an out of trouble their whole school career and were finally "known" by their last names only, The Jones Boys. Kinda made them sound like a gang.


I've known Sasha to be a Russian name also; typically male. My cousin (female) was named after her grandfather; her name is Sasha.

None of them were named Sue, then? I guess they weren't Johnny Cash fans.


I knew a girl named Sasha growing up so it can be used for either gender.

I guess you learn something new every day. I only heard of it as a guy's name. Sacha Distel, the singer, had women falling all over him.

[angelthadiva]

None of them were named Sue, then? I guess they weren't Johnny Cash fans.



I guess you learn something new every day. I only heard of it as a guy's name. Sacha Distel, the singer, had women falling all over him.


LOL, nope none of them were named Sue.

[pennylane]

.................... If they really wanted a girl, though ...
:kitten::rollin:


Alun! i am laughing so hard here!

But i do agree with you! if they really wanted a girl , dont cut hair... cut something else ... :confused: (just joking folks , only joking! :p)

[julliams]

I once had a lady introduce me to her two little girls as "Harry and Charlie". It took me a moment to work out that it was most likely Harriet and Charlotte (and Charlie is becoming used more as a girls name too). But, I guess I could be wrong.

[bte]

I wondered how long it would be before someone mentioned Johnny Cash...

There has always been a movement between genders in names - Hilary and Beverley started their lives as boys' names several generations ago. In those days, too, Gay was a girl's name, not a description.

Certainly, there are now lots of names which are used for boys and girls. A lot of girls in the last ten years or so choose to use diminutives which are indentical with boys' diminutives, like Harry and Charlie referred to above, plus Sam, Chris, Jac(k) etc. And there have always been names like Francis/Frances which differ only when written.

Like hair and clothing (and I am old enough to remember girls in pink trousers being mistaken for boys), the gender confusion is in the adults. It's healthy to be true to oneself, at whatever age, and that is now possible for more people than ever before, which is great.

So, if I had children, boys or girls, I would let them have whatever length they wanted.

[marzipanthecat]

I think long hair on boys is largely a cultural thing - even in the very "normal" area of Devon where I live it is normal for a lot of boys (from toddlers to teenagers) to have hair down past their shoulders.

I admit it does not bother me in the slightest - it looks so ordinary I don't even notice (I mean, I see it a lot).

Also - I've only ever met boys named Sasha/Sacha, never a girl!

[Alun]

I wondered how long it would be before someone mentioned Johnny Cash...

There has always been a movement between genders in names - Hilary and Beverley started their lives as boys' names several generations ago. In those days, too, Gay was a girl's name, not a description.

Certainly, there are now lots of names which are used for boys and girls. A lot of girls in the last ten years or so choose to use diminutives which are indentical with boys' diminutives, like Harry and Charlie referred to above, plus Sam, Chris, Jac(k) etc. And there have always been names like Francis/Frances which differ only when written.

Like hair and clothing (and I am old enough to remember girls in pink trousers being mistaken for boys), the gender confusion is in the adults. It's healthy to be true to oneself, at whatever age, and that is now possible for more people than ever before, which is great.

So, if I had children, boys or girls, I would let them have whatever length they wanted.

Whilst a Gay was a girl, a Gaylord was of course a boy! And no I'm not old enough to remember anyone actually called Gaylord.

I do remember when ladies trousers were always called slacks and never had the zip at the front. That dates me, I'm afraid.

I used to go out with a Chris. I was always careful to point out in conversation that she was a girl, LOL! Only necessary if they had never seen her, though.

[florenonite]

Certainly, there are now lots of names which are used for boys and girls. A lot of girls in the last ten years or so choose to use diminutives which are indentical with boys' diminutives, like Harry and Charlie referred to above, plus Sam, Chris, Jac(k) etc. And there have always been names like Francis/Frances which differ only when written.


Although Francis and Frances have different diminutives; Francis is often shortened to Frank and Frances used to be shortened to Fanny. Literature critics still insist on calling Frances Burney by her nickname :lol:

[GRU]

I think the use of Sasha as a girl's name is more of a North American thing than anything else, but it is definitely seen as more of a female name than a male name where I live. It might be one of those names in transition, like Ashley used to be male-only and now is considered female-only, or it might be like a unisex name such as Taylor or Dakota.

I think the biggest issue I had with the whole thing was the combination of the l-o-n-g hair *plus* the confusion-causing name. If the dad had flowing locks, I could maybe see the long hair as not being such a big deal (even with the confusing names), but the dad's hair didn't even reach his shoulders, so it's not like they had a religious or cultural reason for not cutting the hair -- it's like they specifically wanted to make their kids stick out in a crowd as much as possible.

When choosing a name for my son, we took everything into account, including potential nicknames, if the initials would spell anything, etc. My own thought is that if a kid is going to stick out like a sore thumb, it should be due to the kid's own personality and/or choice to stick out in a crowd. If a kid has a naturally quiet, shy temperament from birth, having a funky name or hairdo or clothing style could cause them significant emotional/mental anguish at a very young age. I'm a firm believer in "nature plus nurture", not either/or. If my son CHOOSES to be "different" I'm fine with that, but I don't feel it's my right to FORCE (or strongly influence) him to be different.

Signed,

A person whose mother had/has SEVERE control issues from day one

[Clarisse]

My 10 year old brother has TB-length hair, and he started growing it when he was 3 years old - his very own decision. I don't see any problems with long hair on little boys.

[bte]

...

Signed,

A person whose mother had/has SEVERE control issues from day one


A lot of us in this community have been there, and are as determined as you are not to do it to others. As you say, there's an enormous difference between allowing one's kids to be different and forcing them to be different.

[blueeyessmile]

When I was kid my mom had my hair cut short due to me playing with it to much and making it into a rat's nest. I looked like a boy and I hated it. I believe a female should look feminine and a male look masculine. If my future son wants to have long hair (past shoulder length), he can ... when he starts shaving.

I strongly believe that parents need to teach children healthy gender roles, along with encouragement to be their own person. I was a tomboy growing up and my father loved it and encouraged it, but my parents never taught me femininity and it has caused some personal problems. There should be a balance in all things and in my eyes that includes hair styles. IMO.

[theboredelf]

I'm a little late chiming in on this one, but this is a topic my fiance and I have discussed in-depth. My fiance is half Irish (his father), half Native American (his mother), and does not believe in cutting his hair. Period. His father forced him to have buzz-cuts until the summer he turned 9, when his father died. That was his last haircut. Trust me, little boys (Or children in general, for that matter.) who are forced to have hairstyles they don't like turn into adults with serious resentment and identity issues. Your average boy is not as sensitive as the average girl at that age; a boy with long hair can handle gender comments that a girl with a pixie would run crying over, as long as the parents don't overreact.

When/if we have children, our children will have long hair until they are old enough to decide otherwise, male or female. I think Anthony and I are both used to laughing off the mistaken-gender comments about him, so we could deal with the same when it came to our children. The biggest thing to note is that children see and understand double standards very early, and may see the different treatment their brother or sister receives as a punishment or a reward. Just something to keep in mind. :)

[GlassEyes]

I once had a lady introduce me to her two little girls as "Harry and Charlie". It took me a moment to work out that it was most likely Harriet and Charlotte (and Charlie is becoming used more as a girls name too). But, I guess I could be wrong.
Charlie has been a girl's name for a long time--it goes in and out of popularity, but it was a popular girls name in the 60's and 70's, I think. I'm remembering a girl's perfume by the name of "Charlie" with a woman in the commerical being named...well, Charlie.

And both Sasha and Carol, in North America, are unisex names. Carol for a boy is less common, though.

I think parents should be able to name thier kids whatever they so choose. If they name them after a Pineapple, they better be prepared for some fall out, but it -is- their choice.

[Belisarius]

Charlie has been a girl's name for a long time--it goes in and out of popularity, but it was a popular girls name in the 60's and 70's, I think. I'm remembering a girl's perfume by the name of "Charlie" with a woman in the commerical being named...well, Charlie.

And both Sasha and Carol, in North America, are unisex names. Carol for a boy is less common, though.

I think parents should be able to name thier kids whatever they so choose. If they name them after a Pineapple, they better be prepared for some fall out, but it -is- their choice.
No, I feel for those kids. If i ever have kids they will have names which immediately identify them as either male or female. No unisex names.

[Beldaran]

On the topic of "gender confusion", which in this thread I take to mean incorrectly identifying another human being's gender on the first guess, it happens no matter what.

When I was a lifeguard in highschool I was working one day with my hair in a bun and I was wearing a pair of shorts over my one piece guard suit. I was asked by 2 5 year old children if I was a boy or a girl.

In college I had my hair down and was wearing a black knit hat and leather jacket. I was walking down he street and a car stopped next to me, the driver rudely called out, "Hey! You look just like that actor from that movie!!" I stopped and glared at him and his passenger finished up with "Yeah! Hey Jay, where's Silent Bob (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0261392/)??"

I really see no reason to force a child into having any hair style just because it's "the norm" for their gender. I've seen many cute pixie cuts on girls and I've seen boys with awesome ponytails.

If by "gender confusion" people mean boys with long hair growing up to think they're girls, that is unlikely to be caused by their hairstyle. When I was little I was told by many people that I looked "just like my dad". I remember thinking "Silly people, I can't look like my dad, he's a boy and I'm a girl!" So if people telling me I looked like my father didn't cause me any gender confusion, I don't think an extra 10" of hair will do young boys any harm.

[Daoine Sidhe]

When I was little I had short hair. People often asked if I was a boy or a girl. That really didn't bother me. I just thought they were stupid :p
(It was my own choice to have short hair. I didn't like it when my mother combed (snagged) my hair :p and also the blowdrier hurt my head)

If I will have a son when I'm older and he would like to have longer hair, I would certainly let him. I think it's wrong to teach your kid that it's wrong to look other than other people. That is just teaching your child to judge other people in a negative way and also teaching them to be uncertain about themself.

[florenonite]

No, I feel for those kids. If i ever have kids they will have names which immediately identify them as either male or female. No unisex names.

How can you guarantee that the names will immediately identify your children as male or female? There's the example of Sasha above; it's a boy's name in Russia but can be a girl's name in North America. I imagine Russian parents in the US naming their son Sasha would often have no idea it could be a girl's name.


On the topic of "gender confusion", which in this thread I take to mean incorrectly identifying another human being's gender on the first guess, it happens no matter what.

When I was a lifeguard in highschool I was working one day with my hair in a bun and I was wearing a pair of shorts over my one piece guard suit. I was asked by 2 5 year old children if I was a boy or a girl.

In college I had my hair down and was wearing a black knit hat and leather jacket. I was walking down he street and a car stopped next to me, the driver rudely called out, "Hey! You look just like that actor from that movie!!" I stopped and glared at him and his passenger finished up with "Yeah! Hey Jay, where's Silent Bob (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0261392/)??"

I really see no reason to force a child into having any hair style just because it's "the norm" for their gender. I've seen many cute pixie cuts on girls and I've seen boys with awesome ponytails.

If by "gender confusion" people mean boys with long hair growing up to think they're girls, that is unlikely to be caused by their hairstyle. When I was little I was told by many people that I looked "just like my dad". I remember thinking "Silly people, I can't look like my dad, he's a boy and I'm a girl!" So if people telling me I looked like my father didn't cause me any gender confusion, I don't think an extra 10" of hair will do young boys any harm.

Agreed. It happened to me a little over a year ago, as an adult. Admittedly, it was dark out, and the person in question may or may not have been sober, but all the same I don't really think it's something that can be avoided.

[GlassEyes]

No, I feel for those kids. If i ever have kids they will have names which immediately identify them as either male or female. No unisex names.
Well, that's lovely for you. Like I said, it's up to the parents.

Whatever. :shrug:

[Alun]

I think the use of Sasha as a girl's name is more of a North American thing than anything else, but it is definitely seen as more of a female name than a male name where I live. It might be one of those names in transition, like Ashley used to be male-only and now is considered female-only, or it might be like a unisex name such as Taylor or Dakota.

I think the biggest issue I had with the whole thing was the combination of the l-o-n-g hair *plus* the confusion-causing name. If the dad had flowing locks, I could maybe see the long hair as not being such a big deal (even with the confusing names), but the dad's hair didn't even reach his shoulders, so it's not like they had a religious or cultural reason for not cutting the hair -- it's like they specifically wanted to make their kids stick out in a crowd as much as possible.

When choosing a name for my son, we took everything into account, including potential nicknames, if the initials would spell anything, etc. My own thought is that if a kid is going to stick out like a sore thumb, it should be due to the kid's own personality and/or choice to stick out in a crowd. If a kid has a naturally quiet, shy temperament from birth, having a funky name or hairdo or clothing style could cause them significant emotional/mental anguish at a very young age. I'm a firm believer in "nature plus nurture", not either/or. If my son CHOOSES to be "different" I'm fine with that, but I don't feel it's my right to FORCE (or strongly influence) him to be different.

Signed,

A person whose mother had/has SEVERE control issues from day one


Just look at my name. Yes, my user name is my name. It's Welsh and pronounced as if the U were and I. I'm English, and I have some Irish ancestry, but AFAIK no Welsh whatsover (just a nagging suspicion that I may have been conceived in Wales!). Imagine spending your life explaining this over and over again while listening to people mispronounce it, seeing them misspell it, and even putting up with them substituting a different name out of ignorance, especially including bureaucrats whose idiot mistakes may even matter. It's worse in America than it even was in England, there being precious few ethnic Welsh here - not even me, LOL!

And really, it's not that odd as names go. Frank Zappa named his kids Dweezel and Moon Unit.


How can you guarantee that the names will immediately identify your children as male or female? There's the example of Sasha above; it's a boy's name in Russia but can be a girl's name in North America. I imagine Russian parents in the US naming their son Sasha would often have no idea it could be a girl's name.
<SNIP>

That's exactly right. I'm sure it wouldn't even occur to them.

I remember once reading through an index of names and laughing out loud uncontrollably when my eyes fell on the entry for "FUCHS, Kamil" (SURNAME, first name). I hope that doesn't get deleted, because it really was someone's name. No, I'm not making it up. I'm sure that the parents of that particular unfortunate were not English speakers.

ETA: It also shows that there are lot worse things that can go wrong with naming than causing gender confusion.

[RoseRed27]

Hmmm. A unisex name will not cause "gender confusion". The varying degrees of male and female hormones bathing the brain and the way an individuals brain is set up before birth, along with certain other unknown factors determine whether a child identifies as a boy or girl. It's not the hair, the toys, the name, choice of music or anything else. It can't be controlled. It's nature.

My name is Kerry. That's unisex but it was a very popular name where I'm from, for boys and girls. I once told my mother I was meeting my friend Courtney, she thought it was my boyfriend! Courtney is a boys name where she's from. In five years, the super feminine name you gave your daughter could be the new "it" name for boys. Some things are beyond your control. And what is so horrible about being mistaken for the opposite sex? I kind of like androgyny, it's high fashion! :plol Long hair with a leather jacket might make you look masculine from the back, but what can you do? Never wear what you like? Why care what others think?

If you think someone looks masculine or feminine and get it wrong, it's not their fault, it's your mistake. That's what we would think if someone made a mistake about us. Our love of very long hair isn't considered normal outside of this site, should we conform? Why should a young boy? If he gets teased will it stop with a haircut? Will kids say "Oh, you have short hair, you are now acceptable, let us frolic."? No. They'll say "Ha ha! Look at your shoes/nose/opinion/backpack etc." This is why kids still get teased in schools with strict dress codes. That's school. You get teased until the other kids get bored/a new target/your respect etc.

[Belisarius]

My name is Kerry. That's unisex but it was a very popular name where I'm from, for boys and girls. I once told my mother I was meeting my friend Courtney, she thought it was my boyfriend! Courtney is a boys name where she's from. In five years, the super feminine name you gave your daughter could be the new "it" name for boys. Some things are beyond your control. And what is so horrible about being mistaken for the opposite sex? I kind of like androgyny, it's high fashion! :plol Long hair with a leather jacket might make you look masculine from the back, but what can you do? Never wear what you like? Why care what others think?

Well, names may go from boys names to girls names, but hardly ever the other way around.

[Alun]

Well, names may go from boys names to girls names, but hardly ever the other way around.

That's true. For whatever reason, we strive so much harder to avoid a boy being mistaken for a girl, rather than the other way around, so names seem to take a one way march from male to female, lest, heaven forbid, someone should mistake our sons' male name for female because it has been recently appropriated as a girl's name.

I think it comes back to the wrong-headed idea that if a girl is mistaken for a male it's somehow complimentary and that if it a boy is mistaken for a girl it makes him a sissy. In fact, there are plenty of examples, even in this thread, of girls who have been mortified to have been thought male due to a short haircut, and why do we still think it so awful to be presumed female? Double standards are alive and well.

Maybe it will only be when it's OK for parents to appropriate Sue as a boy's name, like in the Johnny Cash song, that true gender equality will have been reached, and I don't see that happening any time soon.

[bte]

No, I feel for those kids. If i ever have kids they will have names which immediately identify them as either male or female. No unisex names.
The problem is that even if you do, for example, call your daughter Wilhelmina, that won't stop other kids at school calling her Bill or Will, or even a boy band called Wilhelmina suddenly becoming famous. Sometimes things are taken out of our control.

And to add to Alun's note, Kamil is a boy's name of Arabic origin meaning "perfection" and Fuchs is the German for "fox". Names don't always translate well across borders - I've never come across a British English person called Randy, for instance, although there are a few Randolphs around, yet it's a common enough name in the US and Canada. Interestingly, it can be a girl's name too, formed from Miranda, which takes us back to where we started....

[CiannaitTrozel]

I work at a daycare and you'd be surpirsed how many little boys with long I see. A few are Native, and some are not. I asked a mother once, and she told me she couldn't bear to part with his "Newborn" hair. I think it depends really. I wouldn't mind letting my boy grow his hair long, but maybe when he was a bit older.

[Sarahmoon]

Just saw my little neighbor who is about 8 and he has hair to his waist. Got me to thinking what do all of you other long haired people think about that? I asked the mom one time and she said they had been growing it form day one. Personally I think moms should wait until their sons are older to avoid some of the gender confusion and until they ask to grow it out themselves, but thats just me.
I don't think parents should wait, but personally, if I had a son I would wait till he's old enough to express whether he wants his hair long or not.
I had short hair for a very short as a 6-year old and when some kids called me boy it hurt me real bad. I guess that's why I wouldn't want the same thing to happen to any of my kids.

[Sunsailing]

QuotQuote:
Originally Posted by Belisarius
No, I feel for those kids. If i ever have kids they will have names which immediately identify them as either male or female. No unisex names.

How can you guarantee that the names will immediately identify your children as male or female? There's the example of Sasha above; it's a boy's name in Russia but can be a girl's name in North America. I imagine Russian parents in the US naming their son Sasha would often have no idea it could be a girl's name.

Sasha is only a girl's name in the U.S.A.. There is not much back and forth between the U.S. and Russia, so there would be little chance of confusion happening.

Our son's same is only used as a boy's name. I can guarantee that when someone hears or reads our son's name, they immediately think "boy" :) (And that would be true no matter where in the world he goes.) This holds true for my real name also.

I don't see a problem with long hair on boys, but peer pressure is a real thing for kids. IMHO, a boy should be a little older so that he can honestly decide on his own to have long hair, especially if there is a chance of him getting comments from relatives, neighbors, friends, etc..

We've always kept our son's hair short. He's 8 and has never expressed a desire for longer hair. In fact, he's asked for a haircut when his hair gets long enough for his natural waves and curls to show (he has great, thick, dark hair that would probably look fantastic long). If he ever decides that he wants it longer in the future I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I'm not sure about Mom.

If my parents would've let me have long hair when I was younger, then maybe I would have less desire for long hair now that I'm old. Or maybe I'm truly a long hair person. :D

[Sarahmoon]

Hmm I think I'm more old-fashioned when it comes to names. Hate it when parents just give their kid some cute name based on how adorable they are, not realising it will one day be an adult.

You can quite easily change your hair style. It's not easy to get rid of a ridiculous name as a child.

[Drynwhyl]

If the boy likes it, and the other kids don't bully him for it, I think it's fine.

[florenonite]

Sasha is only a girl's name in the U.S.A.. There is not much back and forth between the U.S. and Russia, so there would be little chance of confusion happening.


That's just one example, though. My parents are immigrants to Canada from Britain, and gave me a name that would only ever be a girl's name in Britain. I live in a area with a high number of immigrants from the former Yugoslavia, where it's a boy's name. There was definitely some gender confusion going on at school.

I'm also pretty certain Sasha's (or at least a similar variant) a name in other Slavic languages, and it's used for girls in Canada where there are a lot of Slavic immigrants.

[Luna12345]

I think it's so cute....my little brother had long hair and i was so upset when mom cut it.....If I have a little boy he's always gonna have long hair unless he doesn't want it.

[TinyTim]

I am only 14 and have long hair and started growing it when i was 10 and wanted it even before that. I like it so what.

[The Drood]

Two days ago I was confused for a girl and I have very noticeable beard growth. That very same day my one year old niece was mistaken multiple times for a boy. She was wearing a striped dress and I don't think could have a more feminine baby face.

I suppose my point is people confusing gender will happen even if you think there's no reason it should.

We could as societies force feminine and masculine "norms". But I'd rather just let people do what they will and not limit the way anyone expresses themselves.

To be more on point with the thread; I think that a child's hair should be kept the way the parent chooses. That is until the child can form words and request otherwise.

[greyTraveler]

I've got a bit of a bias, but I'm going to chime in on the side of 'it's fine if it's his choice'.

The bias is our son, who had shoulder length hair until first or second grade -- by his choice. When he wanted it long we let him grow it out -- as soon as he didn't want it, he got it cut. I don't think it caused any gender confusion for him (though as I just noted in another thread, at home 'male == long hair, female == short hair' was the model at the time). It probably also helps being in an area (San Francisico) where there is a lot of diversity, so he didn't stand out as the only boy with long hair.

greyTraveler

[stuntpeople]

If "gender confusion" means a boy being confused about his own gender, that's nonsense, but it's still the reasoning behind rules enforcing short hair on boys. You get some real "gender confusion" when a boy can't figure out why he can't have long hair but the girl in class gets to have short hair, khaki pants and Doc Martins, plays football and enjoys working on dad's truck with him on weekends. I'm all about gender equality, but dads seriously need to step up to the plate and start paying more attention to their boys (like greyTraveler ... why couldn't my dad be that cool?). Gender signifiers and sexuality signifiers are worlds apart, so long hair ain't gonna make your boy gay. Gay people have frat haircuts.

[greyTraveler]

To elaborate a bit on the issue of gender confusion: there is a famous case where a child had a botched circumcision, and the doctors were unable to reconstruct things 'as a boy' to their satisfaction. They decided to reconstruct him as a girl, and instructed his parents to raise him as a girl. The idea was that gender is a learned construct, and he would learn he was a girl (who would need hormone replacement therapy as 'she' reached puberty).

While the hospital published this as a success, the fact of the matter is that as a child the 'girl' wanted to act like a boy, as a teen 'she' became very depressed, and as an adult had reconstructive surgury to undo what had been done as a child.

So -- in that one case at least -- being raised not just with long hair, but with dresses, dolls and the whole works did not lead to any gender identity issues (if you consider his correct identity to be male).

greyTraveler

[Alun]

To elaborate a bit on the issue of gender confusion: there is a famous case where a child had a botched circumcision, and the doctors were unable to reconstruct things 'as a boy' to their satisfaction. They decided to reconstruct him as a girl, and instructed his parents to raise him as a girl. The idea was that gender is a learned construct, and he would learn he was a girl (who would need hormone replacement therapy as 'she' reached puberty).

While the hospital published this as a success, the fact of the matter is that as a child the 'girl' wanted to act like a boy, as a teen 'she' became very depressed, and as an adult had reconstructive surgury to undo what had been done as a child.

So -- in that one case at least -- being raised not just with long hair, but with dresses, dolls and the whole works did not lead to any gender identity issues (if you consider his correct identity to be male).

greyTraveler


I saw a TV special on that case. Apparently he was dating girls as a guy, not as a lesbian, before he had the surgery to give him the right equipment, which was problematic, you might say. In pictures from that period in his late teens he didn't look female. He eventually married and said that he could perform as a male and enjoy it, although my understanding is that he could only have had a very limited amount of sensation compared to what he would have had. They had to adopt a child, though. I also seem to recall that he may not have lived to a very extended age either, possibly something to do with hormones, but I'm not sure about that.

[RoseRed27]

Well, names may go from boys names to girls names, but hardly ever the other way around.


I don't see your point. There may be fewer but, honestly, that speaks to some parents "fear" that a "feminine" name will have some affect on the boy's sexual preference. To embarrass a boy it's not uncommon to call him "Nancy" or "Mary" or "Princess". Countless military shows have had a drill sergeant call his recruits "ladies".

This sort of behavior is sexist and backward, and I won't buy into it. If I like a name, I'm going to name my child that, so long as it suits them. It's out of my control if that name is primarily for the opposite gender in another country or in another ethnic group or will become popular for the other gender in a few years or becomes the name of a super villain in some movie or any other scenario that I might not want. I can't control it, and frankly I wouldn't want to.

I guess I could name my son Masculino Football Testosteroso :p. I think many fathers would like to name their daughters Chastity Purity Nosex. :D)

[Alun]

I don't see your point. There may be fewer but, honestly, that speaks to some parents "fear" that a "feminine" name will have some affect on the boy's sexual preference. To embarrass a boy it's not uncommon to call him "Nancy" or "Mary" or "Princess". Countless military shows have had a drill sergeant call his recruits "ladies".

I don't worry that it will affect their behaviour, but I do worry about name calling. OTOH, I wouldn't worry about name calling due to a hairstyle.


This sort of behavior is sexist and backward, and I won't buy into it. If I like a name, I'm going to name my child that, so long as it suits them. It's out of my control if that name is primarily for the opposite gender in another country or in another ethnic group or will become popular for the other gender in a few years or becomes the name of a super villain in some movie or any other scenario that I might not want. I can't control it, and frankly I wouldn't want to.

I'm not sure that outlandish names are so great an idea. I think most people seem to prefer something ordinary, especially when they are kids. Maybe a more interesting middle name is a good idea, at least in theory, although IME very few people switch to using a middle name later in life. My own middle name is scarcely usable as a first name, although one exception comes to mind, but he was the last Liberal Party PM of the UK, and that was before the War.


I guess I could name my son Masculino Football Testosteroso :p.

That's just hilarious.


I think many fathers would like to name their daughters Chastity Purity Nosex. :D)

LOL! I have never understood that attitude, although I have seen it, and I do have a 13 yo DD. I am concerned that both of my kids (one of each gender) don't do it with the wrong person, catch something nasty or get pregnant/get someone pregnant, but I would be happy for both of them to get their fair share. Life is too short.

[Druid of Alba]

I don't see why long hair is associated with women. There's no absolute reason for it; thats just how society has developed. Thus, I don't see why those rules can't change. I don't see what's wrong in not cutting your child's hair. It's just more old fashioned and natural.

[RoseRed27]

I don't worry that it will affect their behaviour, but I do worry about name calling. OTOH, I wouldn't worry about name calling due to a hairstyle.

True, but many kids with common names get teased. I remember kids would call this girl "Booty" instead of "Judy". (Kids are so clever :p) And there was this short, thin, blond boy who had a very strong sounding name. It was something along the lines of Damon Endymion Bloodsfire, something very old and grand. When we talked to him we all called him by his three names! We started doing it just to tease him (because the name seemed so unlike him), but eventually that became his "normal" name and he stopped minding. :/ His name isn't so common, but it's no "Pilot Inspektor". (Actual celebrity kid's name, by the way)



I'm not sure that outlandish names are so great an idea. I think most people seem to prefer something ordinary, especially when they are kids. Maybe a more interesting middle name is a good idea, at least in theory, although IME very few people switch to using a middle name later in life. My own middle name is scarcely usable as a first name, although one exception comes to mind, but he was the last Liberal Party PM of the UK, and that was before the War.

Yes, I don't think one should name their child something crazy just to stand out as parents. But if the name means something to the parent, I think you'll agree, they have that right. Additionally, what's outlandish to some may be ordinary elsewhere. I know almost 5 boys named Horatio in my small village! They would most likely be teased to death in the u.s.

I have never met another Kerry. I like that. I've met a few Carries though! (But they don't count! ^___^)



That's just hilarious.

Did anyone hear about the mother who named her daughter "La-a". It's pronounced "La-dash-a". Come on! I love creativity but that kid will hate you!:laugh:


LOL! I have never understood that attitude, although I have seen it, and I do have a 13 yo DD. I am concerned that both of my kids (one of each gender) don't do it with the wrong person, catch something nasty or get pregnant/get someone pregnant, but I would be happy for both of them to get their fair share. Life is too short.

Your children are very lucky. When I have children, that's the attitude I want my fiance and I to have. No shame, just a safe loving experience. (when they get past age 16 ;))



My replies are in red.

[Arniky]

Feel anyone can have long hair - boys or girls
but it is imporatant whoever has is is comfortable with ot and wants it that way.

[Dragon]

I dont think it matters if little boys have long hair.