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jera
April 12th, 2010, 02:08 PM
Don't get excited. I haven't broken up or cut my hair, but I did do it once, in high school. I cut my hip length hair to mid back with shorter layers on the sides. :o I hated it. Not only had I lost my BF, but in a fit of stupidity I self mutilated my hair. I had no BF and my beautiful long hair was gone too. Wah ! :(

Why do women torture themselves with bad haircuts, dyejobs, etc. when they experience a breakup? Is it insecurity?

Did you ever cut your hair after a breakup? :rolleyes: Did you like it or did you hate it?

Dreams_in_Pink
April 12th, 2010, 02:11 PM
i didn't cut, i got extensions! :D seriously, i went from barely shoulder length to tailbone in 3 hours. I took them out after a month though, they were causing so much pain.

It looked awesome while it lasted.

SimplyViki
April 12th, 2010, 02:12 PM
I cut my hair from hip to chin when I broke up with my first boyfriend. I liked it well enough. I didn't do it to torture myself, though. I did it because I couldn't help but think of the hair I had as having been "his", somehow. I remembered it draped over his chest when we were in bed, I remembered him running his hands through it. I just wanted to be rid of it, like I wanted to be rid of him.

spidermom
April 12th, 2010, 02:12 PM
Yes. I've even radically changed mine (cut, perm) after an argument. I think it's natural that when you want a change, the easiest thing to change is what you see in the mirror. I always hoped that deeper changes would come, and sometimes they did.

Phalaenopsis
April 12th, 2010, 02:14 PM
Same here. I felt I needed a change and it is easier to change something on the outside. It goes a lot quicker than things on the inside...

Stephichan
April 12th, 2010, 02:27 PM
I've done breakup haircuts, post-bad semester haircuts, and now holy-cow-I'm-really-stressed-I-need-a-change-or-to-feel-in-control-of-something haircuts. However, I've never regretted them. Usually the bad thing in my life simply acted as a catalyst, allowing me to let go and do something I'd been wanting to do but never had the courage to, or was told not to by the ex-boyfriend.

Of course, just because I don't regret the cuts doesn't mean I don't kick myself for waiting and thinking of how long my hair would be if I'd just left it alone :)

Idun
April 12th, 2010, 02:28 PM
I have changed my hair every time after a breakup. Fresh start, good riddance and so on. Pluss I like that if I meet one of them again I will not look so familiar. It´s marking a distance between us.

anneisanne
April 12th, 2010, 02:33 PM
I started growing my hair after a break-up. The ex had been totally controlling and loved long hair, so I kept cutting it while I was with him to remind him that I was my own person. I dumped him over a year ago and I haven't cut my hair since!

jera
April 12th, 2010, 02:41 PM
i didn't cut, i got extensions! :D seriously, i went from barely shoulder length to tailbone in 3 hours. I took them out after a month though, they were causing so much pain.

It looked awesome while it lasted.

I'll bet it did !! :p


I started growing my hair after a break-up. The ex had been totally controlling and loved long hair, so I kept cutting it while I was with him to remind him that I was my own person. I dumped him over a year ago and I haven't cut my hair since!

That's a very original way to handle things. Hah ! :D

melrose1985
April 12th, 2010, 02:46 PM
Yes. I've even radically changed mine (cut, perm) after an argument. I think it's natural that when you want a change, the easiest thing to change is what you see in the mirror. I always hoped that deeper changes would come, and sometimes they did.

Very true. I agree that we sometimes need to make a change that at the time we cant do.

My recent bangs adventure was due to a guy (not a break up), thank goodness two months later i finally have some side swept bangs i like and can live with.

deviantkitten
April 12th, 2010, 02:48 PM
Yuppers. Had a horrible breakup with a guy who adored my hair in HS. As part of my mourning process, I chopped off my hair to pretty much a pixie cut. It was pretty cute, but as the hairs grew, so did acceptance and healing.....or maybe it was the other way around LOL.
I didn't regret. I had long hair. i loved my long hair, but letting go of the relationship and my hair gave me some freedom.
I was able to start over

GoddesJourney
April 12th, 2010, 02:50 PM
I've cut my hair numerous times when I needed sort of a clean slate. I've never cut all my hair off or anything. I just don't bother to cut my hair very often, so I would use getting rid of a crappy boyfriend or whatever to cut the damage off my hair. Feels great and it makes my love my hair and feel pretty, which is something I certainly enjoy after being lied to and/or cheated on. Heartache is a time of healing, a time of change, and a time of fresh starts. New hair, new clothes, new hobbies, etc. are all very appropriate during such times.

Kristin
April 12th, 2010, 02:52 PM
I've never gotten a REAL haircut because of a break-up(though I have colored and cut layers and bangs). I completely understand why people do this: You just need to reassert your independence and feel like you're starting over again.

Ravenne
April 12th, 2010, 02:54 PM
Mm.. I went through a "let's dye it this color this month" phase for a long time after my first relationship. Not so much with the second because I did the breaking up and I didn't feel out of control. The only major chop I ever had was out of rebellion after high school. Mom wouldn't let me cut my hair until after my senior pictures were taken. :p As soon as that was done... ear length. Yikes. Now my senior pictures are a source of long-hair inspiration. Lol.

nowxisxforever
April 12th, 2010, 03:02 PM
I've never done that, so I can't really provide any input :(

Edit: But perhaps it's so they feel they have control again. Control over something, however small, can be useful sometimes.

Unofficial_Rose
April 12th, 2010, 03:14 PM
With me it's always been change of colour. All those things happened to the 'old' me. Nothing crappy will happen to the 'new' me. As someone said, the need to feel different.

As others have also said, it works (to some extent.)

Rain
April 12th, 2010, 03:17 PM
My breakup hair was not about insecurity at all. It was just about change. It was time for a lot of big changes in my life. That was just one of them.

ravensinger13
April 12th, 2010, 03:35 PM
I did a big cut at the end of my first marriage. I had a mohawk for a while, dyed red. When I left it down it looked really cute, about chin length. When I let it grow out I quit dying, and after shoulder length (with lots of trims to keep things even) I quit using heat. So my point is, it was one last hurah for weird things to do with my hair before I grew it out for myself. Getting my tongue pierced was pure rebellion though.

MommaRalph
April 12th, 2010, 03:43 PM
I was in love in high school - honestly - not just puppy love. He adored my long hair. We broke up on Tuesday and cut to pixie on Saturday as a sign that he no longer had control of me. It really didn't suit me though and now my hair is long again. :)

Valerie

jera
April 12th, 2010, 03:45 PM
Mm.. I went through a "let's dye it this color this month" phase for a long time after my first relationship. Not so much with the second because I did the breaking up and I didn't feel out of control. The only major chop I ever had was out of rebellion after high school. Mom wouldn't let me cut my hair until after my senior pictures were taken. :p As soon as that was done... ear length. Yikes. Now my senior pictures are a source of long-hair inspiration. Lol.

So Mom was almost right for once. At least you've got those pre rebellion pics for inspiration. That's cool. I understand the rebellion thing. My Mom always preferred my hair short because my Dad liked it long. Competition ! Of course I grew it as long as possible before that breakup.:p



I've never done that, so I can't really provide any input :(

Edit: But perhaps it's so they feel they have control again. Control over something, however small, can be useful sometimes.

I think you're right. It's a control issue. Must be. You can't control someone leaving you, so you control your physical appearance.

But, why don't guys do this? I've had guy friends all my life, almost more than FFs and not one has ever cut his hair, shaved his head, dyed it strange colors because his GF left him. Men must be more secure or stable. Maybe it's the testosterone that keeps them grounded. Every man I've ever known with very few exceptions has thought he was perfect anyway. Men seem to have healthier self esteem than women. :D

Laylah
April 12th, 2010, 03:46 PM
I haven't had a break up hair cut, but I did chop off my hair after my grandpa died. I didn't even go the barber, I just had my aunt cut off from waist to APL.

Katurday
April 12th, 2010, 03:48 PM
I've cut my hair after breakups to cut out the memories. Hair grows out of your head (mind) so it carries all the memories with it. When you hack it off, you only have the newest ones and those will be trimmed off till the person is gone forever.

BelleBot
April 12th, 2010, 03:52 PM
I cut a fringe into my hair shortly before breaking up with my ex fiancé. It was during the time I was finding myself and realising he was a total jerk. So the hair changed, then not long after I'd moved out and taken the furniture with me. So kinda similar to a break up haircut. It's a new image for a new phase of life I guess.

paperwhite
April 12th, 2010, 04:37 PM
I cut my hair (in a few quick phases) during a really stressful time in my life, around 2007. I had a lot going on and felt that I didn't have control over a lot of it. Looking back, I think it was the control thing that gave me the idea to cut it, though I didn't really realize that at the time. I cut it in two (or three?) large chops from below BSL to chin length and then started growing it out again after a short maintaining period.

Tap Dancer
April 12th, 2010, 04:40 PM
A breakup has never caused me to cut my hair or change anything else about my appearance.

gnegirl
April 12th, 2010, 05:06 PM
I've done it with job changes, part of wanting a 'fresh start' from company to company. I think its a visible sign of moving on for me, this crazy impulse to dye, cut or perm my hair so i look 'different', that i'm not the same as i was when i was miserable. See...not miserable now, i have purple permed hair! hehehehe

If only i didn't have to maintain a professional air, i'd have big chunky streaks of dark purple in my normal brunette with grey :).

NuclearMosquito
April 12th, 2010, 06:44 PM
I didn't do anything to my hair after the first boyfriend broke up with me. After the second I had it professionally highlighted and dyed red (I had dyed it black for him and hated it, after we broke up I really needed that memory of him gone). I was let go from my job in January and cut my past-BSL hair up to nearly shoulder-length to get rid of most of the black dye that was left over. Losing that job really felt like a breakup, for some reason.

ericthegreat
April 12th, 2010, 07:09 PM
I don't do haircuts. I treasure my hard earned length too much to ever cut my hair shorter. :p

I do however do an all over complete color change. Or I go back and forth between cutting in long, side swept bangs and then growing them out again. And it doesn't even have to be because of a bad event in my life, actually lately I've been on a happy, positive streak. I'm discovering myself, and with each new quirk I find out about myself I feel like I want to visibly display that. And what better canvas to display that than my own hair!

Lunnafindel
April 12th, 2010, 07:29 PM
I've never cut my hair, but my highschool boyfriend cut his (gorgeous, past-shoulder length, straight brown) hair after we broke up. Not only did he cut it, he shaved it to create a mini mohawk. It was heartbreaking all over again. I LOVED his hair, and him cutting it was like a slap in the face. We were in the same 5-person German class and I couldn't look at him for a month, which made class a bit difficult.
I guess he did the same thing all of you are talking about - changing something to get a fresh start, separating himself from his memories of me, rebelling against my love of his hair - all I know is that it hurt more than anything to see him afterwards. I would never do that to someone else...but I'd never cut my hair, so it's a moot point.

HintOfMint
April 12th, 2010, 07:33 PM
Every man I've ever known with very few exceptions has thought he was perfect anyway. Men seem to have healthier self esteem than women. :D

... or are more out of touch with reality:p

To answer your question, I never have had a big haircut in response to a breakup. I was tempted to chop to pixie when I found out that a boy I was quite enamored with did not reciprocate my feelings. I remember thinking that, well I don't have to worry about being attractive to him anymore, so I can do whatever I like. A sadder spin on the independence-chop. :o

pennyroyal
April 12th, 2010, 07:50 PM
oh yes i have cut my hair after a breakup. i think i just needed a change, something new for myself. i am sure some of it was insecurity too tho.

Wanderer09
April 12th, 2010, 07:53 PM
But, why don't guys do this? I've had guy friends all my life, almost more than FFs and not one has ever cut his hair, shaved his head, dyed it strange colors because his GF left him. Men must be more secure or stable. Maybe it's the testosterone that keeps them grounded. Every man I've ever known with very few exceptions has thought he was perfect anyway. Men seem to have healthier self esteem than women. :D

I think the vast majority of guys just don't see hair as an important part of their appearance. So the notion of a drastic style change after a break-up may not even occur to them. Women care more, in general, so hair is sometimes the first thing they change.

I was never tempted to cut during my break-up. My reasoning: it wouldn't change a thing, I'd still be miserable except now I'd have short hair which would just make me feel so much worse. No point in wasting months of growth on him. :p

orbiting
April 12th, 2010, 08:09 PM
Some cultures associate hair with the past... By cutting the hair, it breaks ties with the past...

I've done it. But it wasn't a breakup. I move out of my parents home, out of the state.... I buzz cut my hair. It felt good... new. Fresh.

My best friend cut her hair after she broke up with her husband... he loved her long hair... I guess it was spite.

Johanna
April 12th, 2010, 09:40 PM
I didn't cut my hair after my big breakup. I think I actually grew it out of spite. Just before the huge breakup he told me that I should cut all my hair off to look prettier. I'm very stubborn against people who tell me what to do.

I have dyed my hair as a beginning of a new life thing. It was like a refresher that made me feel more free and attractive.

turtlelover
April 12th, 2010, 09:41 PM
My last super short haircut -- and edgy inverted bob -- was a direct result of heartbreak and needing control of SOMETHING, and a distraction. I didn't regret it at the time, but I do now, though I've decided to grow out my haircolor now, and the shorter hair to begin with made that a bit less traumatic.

Milui Elenath
April 12th, 2010, 11:42 PM
If not a haircut then it's a dye job. My friends and I would say (when we were younger) you could tell how bad the breakup was by whether they did one or the other or both. Both was considered really bad breakup.

I think its to reinvent yourself. Sometimes its - Look at what you've lost, I don't need you etc.

Personally I bought a short and different coloured wig. ;) (not recently)

lilravendark
April 13th, 2010, 01:01 AM
my last relationship lasted 2 years and I think I hated 90% of it, I remember always chopping and changing my hair colour because things he said made me feel inadequate such as he liked short hair more and he liked red hair so I cut it short and ended up fire engine red then I started to realise how much I really despised the relationship and decided to go my own way I remember how he said he wasn't fond of blondes so I bleached it until it was white haha. I finally got rid of him and to start anew I didnt cut it but I did return back to my natural colour and started growing it long again because its what I wanted not what someone else wants me to look like. I remember straight after the break up how depressed I felt because when I looked in the mirror I didnt see me. Live and learn they say :)

jera
April 13th, 2010, 01:04 AM
... or are more out of touch with reality:p

Hehehe ! :D


I think the vast majority of guys just don't see hair as an important part of their appearance. So the notion of a drastic style change after a break-up may not even occur to them. Women care more, in general, so hair is sometimes the first thing they change.

I was never tempted to cut during my break-up. My reasoning: it wouldn't change a thing, I'd still be miserable except now I'd have short hair which would just make me feel so much worse. No point in wasting months of growth on him. :p

You're wiser than I was. Smart way to view the situation. Haircuts may give the illusion of control, but in fact don't change the relationship.;)

Samitra
April 13th, 2010, 01:04 AM
I've never cut my hair after a breakup, because the breakups I've been through weren't big life changes or anything.... But after an upsetting month when I was 20 I cut my hair short. I didn't want to be the same person anymore.

KBG
April 13th, 2010, 01:10 AM
I've been the queen of the emotional haircut for too long. I buzzed it ~

when my first marriage was on the rocks,

when I broke up with a boyfriend

on a buddhist kick,

our first child was born and I was exhausted & hair seemed extraneous,

when my father died

If I think about these cuts plus the chemical damage (hair color, relaxers) repair cuts, I've buzzed & snipped off a mountain of hair over years.

This is my first time since junior high school consciously trying to retain length.

ilovelonghair
April 13th, 2010, 01:33 AM
I cut my hair from hip to chin when I broke up with my first boyfriend. I liked it well enough. I didn't do it to torture myself, though. I did it because I couldn't help but think of the hair I had as having been "his", somehow. I remembered it draped over his chest when we were in bed, I remembered him running his hands through it. I just wanted to be rid of it, like I wanted to be rid of him.

I understand the feeling, but I feel that that would count for the whole body and unfortunately people can't get new bodies.

Qadupae
April 13th, 2010, 02:09 AM
I had cut my shoulder length to 2" all around when my ex fiance left me for another woman in Arizona. I just remember crying so hard and then seeing those scissors and then feeling mad as I grabbed them, that I swore I wouldn't be judged just on looks or being feminine and I wanted to find a man that wanted me as just me. I felt terrible at first, but I learned to love it for 5 years, until this last December when I found this site ^_^ I am currently with a man that wants me as just me and so I feel confident enough to grow my hair back again ^_^

Aquamarine
April 13th, 2010, 03:19 AM
Okay, my reply doesn't really count because, I've never had a boyfriend. So no point in breaking up or cutting hair either! Haha I don't think that I would cut my hair after a break up.
But one of my friends cut her BSL hair. She went for a pixie cut which unfortunately didn't suit her and she regretted every minute of it. It was just a real quick decision..she was so hurt and so angry that she showed it on her hair.

Of course she's growing out her hair now and got a new boyfriend too.:D

Aditi
April 13th, 2010, 03:28 AM
Lol Aqua :laugh:

My friend is different from your friend, when she broke up with her bf she dragged me to her favourite salon ranted all day about him and got a manicure, pedicure, deep conditioning treatment, facial and i forgot the rest :D I spend solid 6 hours with her in that salon :misskim:

Tap Dancer
April 13th, 2010, 05:25 AM
My friend is different from your friend, when she broke up with her bf she dragged me to her favourite salon ranted all day about him and got a manicure, pedicure, deep conditioning treatment, facial and i forgot the rest :D I spend solid 6 hours with her in that salon :misskim:

Now that's the way to do things! :thumbsup: Break up with someone and spend a day pampering yourself! :grin:

Bethie
April 13th, 2010, 05:42 AM
I haven't gotten a breakup haircut, but I have colored my hair after a breakup.

At the time I was part of the school play of Macbeth and was playing on of the witches. So when my ex straight as an arrow boyfriend broke up with me for another straight laced person I kinda lost my mind. Went to the local beauty supply place and picked up every non natural color I could find and some bleach. That night at a friend's house we colored our hair.. I had about 16 different color streaks in my hair. My parents about had a heart attack when I showed up at home the next night.

Upside, I found that I look good with super bright colors and I met my DH with my "new" hair and he loves me just as I am and continues to say as long as I'm happy with it, he loves it.

Aquamarine
April 13th, 2010, 06:12 AM
Lol Aqua :laugh:

My friend is different from your friend, when she broke up with her bf she dragged me to her favourite salon ranted all day about him and got a manicure, pedicure, deep conditioning treatment, facial and i forgot the rest :D I spend solid 6 hours with her in that salon :misskim:


Now that's the way to do things! :thumbsup: Break up with someone and spend a day pampering yourself! :grin:Amen to that!:p:D;)

myrrhmaiden
April 13th, 2010, 06:27 AM
The only post breakup hair I remember is bleaching my mid-back length hair to pale blonde after my first serious relationship (4 yrs). I think it was to redefine myself. I was a "new woman" and I wanted to see it as well as feel it. I wanted everyone else to see it. I wanted my ex to see me and eat his heart out.

Other than breakups however, many stressful/traumatic events have caused me to change; even happy events. My hair is directly tied to my soul. They mirror each other. When they aren't in harmony I feel this constant nagging inside to regain symmetry. When I am happy I want to be blonde. When I am depressed I want dark hair. When I feel self loathing, I want to cut it off. For me these are regular patterns.

FrannyG
April 13th, 2010, 09:21 AM
I've done it. I know men who have done it too. I think that sometimes it's an instinctive ritual to cleanse oneself of bad memories.

It's not something I'd ever recommend to anyone, and for myself, I would now use the two-week rule if I went through a bad time and felt the need to cut, thereby likely not doing it, but I understand it.

Domino
April 13th, 2010, 09:26 AM
I used to wear my hair longer than BLS when I started dating someone in the past. Then together we decided that I'd look good with a shoulder lenght inverted bob. So I got it cut...after the break-up, I started growing and hennaing. It's been 1.5 years and I love it longer and redder :)

ericthegreat
April 13th, 2010, 09:45 AM
But, why don't guys do this? I've had guy friends all my life, almost more than FFs and not one has ever cut his hair, shaved his head, dyed it strange colors because his GF left him. Men must be more secure or stable. Maybe it's the testosterone that keeps them grounded. Every man I've ever known with very few exceptions has thought he was perfect anyway. Men seem to have healthier self esteem than women. :D

Trust me, us men have our own self-esteem issues as well. However, men are socially conditioned to turn to strong emotions like anger to express themselves. Men, or at least the ones that subscribe to the age old machismo archetype don't openly cry in public or talk about their feelings because they've been taught since they were little boys that boys don't cry and that whenever anything painful happens, they simply have to suck it up.

Men in no way think they are perfect. But since men in our modern society are conditioned to keep cutting their hair short, for generations now they have simply been taught not to value their hair, certainly not the way women value their hair. Men however will size each other up by comparing who has bigger biceps, who gives a stronger handshake, who has a more assertive and dominant personality, that kind of thing. :)

Narya
April 13th, 2010, 09:52 AM
I had always said that, if my BF dumped me, I'd cut my hair, perm it and dye it bright red, so I'd look at least once as I always had wanted.

When we broke up (I really don't know who dumped who), I did nothing: I wasn't sure about the cut, when I tried to get a perm the stylist talked me out of it (she was the mother of a good friend, a great person, and said that she was not willing to kill my hair) and I was already dyed red.
Instead, I just took all my things from my appartment and moved to the other side of the country, some 1000km far from home. Talk about being 19 years old...

I guess, as others have said, it alls come down to the need of a change: something has drastically changed in your life, and you need to feel you changed too so it won't hurt you as much (because if you were another person, it wouldn't hurt as much, would it?)

atlantaz3
April 13th, 2010, 11:52 AM
Divorce hair cut here. Plus I had just hit 30 and felt the pressure to cut it all off. Pretty much hated it from the "get go"! Down hill slide into highlights and fried hair. With age comes wisdom - not in my case. With age comes the ability to do what I want and not worry so much about the rest of the world liking it.

Igraine
April 13th, 2010, 01:25 PM
Hm, I never altered anything of my appearance due to any life event. I've had a few breakups, and one from which the pain lingered indefinitely.

Somehow, in all the turmoil of changes, which happen to oneself in such moments, I like having an anchor, something that ties my past self to current and future self, a reference point, something that certifies the continuity of one's existence. My long hair fits the description quite well :)

What was always the case, was the need of a change from within, either by modifying one's view on things, or by embracing new activities/trying to perfect oneself.

ali beast
April 13th, 2010, 05:35 PM
Yep, I've totally done this. The most notable time was at 19, I chopped (and I mean hacked) off my hair myself and dyed it green because I didn't want to be "pretty." Ah, youth... Oh wait, I DEEP FRIED my hair with bleach after a break up 2 years ago, but that was because I needed a change, not out of any anti-patriarchal rage ;)

ilovelonghair
April 14th, 2010, 08:07 PM
Now I think of it, after I divorced I changed my hair from black to red, but if was more than half a year after wards.

Bellona
April 14th, 2010, 09:10 PM
When I broke up with my fiance, I didn't do anything to my hair. He liked my natural blonde to be dyed dark brown. I liked it, but it was a hassle. I was in the habit of changing the color constantly, anyway, so I had gone back to blonde a few months before we broke up.

When I ended my second significant long term relationship last August, I hacked my waist length hair OFF into a really horrible shag/ shaggy pixie? I don't even know what to call it. I'm still feeling the repercussions of that breakup cut, lol.

Even though I hated the haircut, I must admit that it was nice to "start over" with growing my hair out again. I made lots of mistakes with my hair and with that man, so I guess some people like to express what's going on inside by "starting over" with their hair? I never actually thought that while I was sitting in the stylist's chair, but it might have some truth to it.

jera
April 15th, 2010, 01:18 AM
Trust me, us men have our own self-esteem issues as well. However, men are socially conditioned to turn to strong emotions like anger to express themselves. Men, or at least the ones that subscribe to the age old machismo archetype don't openly cry in public or talk about their feelings because they've been taught since they were little boys that boys don't cry and that whenever anything painful happens, they simply have to suck it up.

Men in no way think they are perfect. But since men in our modern society are conditioned to keep cutting their hair short, for generations now they have simply been taught not to value their hair, certainly not the way women value their hair. Men however will size each other up by comparing who has bigger biceps, who gives a stronger handshake, who has a more assertive and dominant personality, that kind of thing. :)

Thanks for sharing the male point of view in the situation. I guess guys check eachother out in other ways. :eyebrows:

noelgirl
April 15th, 2010, 09:18 AM
Hm, I never altered anything of my appearance due to any life event. I've had a few breakups, and one from which the pain lingered indefinitely.

Somehow, in all the turmoil of changes, which happen to oneself in such moments, I like having an anchor, something that ties my past self to current and future self, a reference point, something that certifies the continuity of one's existence. My long hair fits the description quite well :)

What was always the case, was the need of a change from within, either by modifying one's view on things, or by embracing new activities/trying to perfect oneself.

You put that so well, and it's exactly how I feel, although you put it far more eloquently than I would have. My long hair is one thing that makes me feel like me even when I don't otherwise. A few years ago, I was attacked and ended up with facial injuries. Weeks later, soon after the bandages came off, I went on an audition, and even though I was able to cover the scars with makeup, I didn't look like myself and I certainly didn't feel like myself. Anyway, during the audition they asked me if I'd cut my hair for the role, and while this is not a completely outlandish request, this was not a time when I felt like giving up the one part of myself that felt "normal." I flat-out refused, and they started to mock me, so I walked out. While they weren't unreasonable in asking me, I also felt I wasn't unreasonable in refusing, and I certainly didn't owe anyone an explanation of the circumstances. I hadn't fully processed my feelings about the attack yet, but I did know one thing - if I had the opportunity to take control and own what would happen to my body, I would take it.

I think it's a head vs. heart thing, which also explains why I haven't done the "breakup haircut." My head might be reeling and confused, from a trauma or a breakup or whatever, but my heart knows where things are going, and who I'll be when the dust settles.

Forever_Sophie
April 15th, 2010, 09:26 AM
I read somewhere that a lot of women cut their long hair after 9/11, so...not the same thing of course, but I can see a correlation.

ASillyKitty
April 15th, 2010, 10:21 AM
I did a breakup haircut once. I cut it from waist to BSL with bangs! I think sometimes we do it to have a sense of control. Breakups can make you feel vulnerable and insecure, but at least you can control your hair!

KittyLost
April 15th, 2010, 10:29 AM
Yeah, at the beginning of the year I cut my APL length hair to a Aline Bob that ended just below my chin!
I was intending to grow my hair out (because my hair straighteners broke and I no longer wanted to be controlled by them!) but after the break-up I just wanted to do something, and my ex preferred my long hair and I no longer wanted to be associated with something he liked.
So off went my hair! I like it, I just also prefer my hair long and curly! Instead of short and straight. And here I am a few months later back to growing my hair long because I had a moment of weakness! :P

Siava
April 15th, 2010, 10:46 AM
I chopped mine completely off to less than 1 inch when I separated from my ex-husband. For 12 years he complained if I cut my hair so I did it out of spite. Plus, it was beyond ruined anyways from over-processing. I actually liked it, even in the awkward stage because I never knew just how curly it can be. It was a liberating experience, but I don't think I'd do it again. I like having long hair better. :)

jera
April 15th, 2010, 02:35 PM
I did a breakup haircut once. I cut it from waist to BSL with bangs! I think sometimes we do it to have a sense of control. Breakups can make you feel vulnerable and insecure, but at least you can control your hair!

Ouch ! :( I understand the concept of needing control after a beakup over which we have no control. But, I felt worse. I genuinely loved my long hair and during that time of pain I didn't even have my hair to cheer me up. Keeping things the same is better for me personally, because I like stability and a breakup is a shakeup. :p

Amara
April 15th, 2010, 04:52 PM
But, why don't guys do this? I've had guy friends all my life, almost more than FFs and not one has ever cut his hair, shaved his head, dyed it strange colors because his GF left him. Men must be more secure or stable. Maybe it's the testosterone that keeps them grounded. Every man I've ever known with very few exceptions has thought he was perfect anyway. Men seem to have healthier self esteem than women. :D

I bet you could find some guys who've done this, but in *general,* hair is less symbolic for men, I think, so you'll find them using it in symbolic ways less often. My 2 cents.

toodramatik
April 16th, 2010, 10:20 AM
I always cut my hair at the beginning of a relationship. I think it's some psychological test I have. "If he doesn't like this, he's not going to like a LOT of things about me" (tattoos, past etc)

lovebug
April 16th, 2010, 04:09 PM
When my first serious relationship (we were living togerher for 2½ years) ended, I went from dark purple APL hair to a blonde chin-lenght bob. Back then I didn´t think it was because of the breakup, but when I think about it now it clearly was reflecting other major changes in life. The lenght and color were quite awful on me, but I needed something new and I needed to make a fresh start.

By the way, this ex-bf had waist-lenght black hair himself, and once during a big fight (I was already packing my bags) he took scissors & cut his ponytail off just to get my attention. Later, another woman left him and he shaved it all (his head, I mean...). He´s the only guy I know who has same issues with hair&relationships as women often do.