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View Full Version : How to gently persuade my BF to grow his hair?! (TMI???)



StormVixen
April 11th, 2010, 01:30 PM
(sorry wasn't sure if to post here or "friendship" or even if i should post at all! feel free to move or whatever)

Ok, I know this is extreamly shallow of me but it's really starting to bother me...

My BF has hair less than 1cm long all over... and I am so "in to" long haired men I just cant help myself looking at them!

He thinks there is something really wrong with our relationship or with my health or mentality because he cant get me in the mood... I find myself fantasising about Jack Sparrow, Generic Hippies and Lord of the Rings men... lol...

Maybe i should jus talk to him, but i think he might think that I'm trying to turn him into my ex (who had hair longer than me), I'm not trying to do that...

Gah... I don't know... It's REALLY stressing me out... (we all know stress causes hair-loss and we dont want that!!!)

Lamb
April 11th, 2010, 01:33 PM
I only know that expecting your partner to conform to your fantasies is unfair and shallow. :twocents:
How would you feel if he expected you to alter some part of your appearance so that you looked like his favourite fantasy-girl? :(

GoddesJourney
April 11th, 2010, 01:40 PM
Well, it could be that he's not your type. I'm quite attracted to my husband with a buzzed head or with hair. When I met him he had about four inches of shaggy hair that was completely unkempt. He later shaved it and that was a nice improvement. However, he does have naturally very beautiful hair and what I didn't know was that he secretly liked it. I convinced him to not cut his hair until summer. Inertia works in my favor because he's lazy about stuff like shaving and has nothing to buzz his hair with anyway. Also, it's much colder here than where he's from, so he needed a little hair to keep him warm. I compliment him daily on how beautiful his "flip length" hair is and how he's going to give me such beautiful children. He's come to love his hair, too. He's going to cut it soon, though, because it's getting in his eyes and the headband thing would apparently be "way too gay". Really. I actually think it looks kind of sexy, like celebrity working out that has too much money to care if someone thinks it "looks gay". He has to shave it for the Army in a few months anyway, so I'll take some pictures and he already promised to grow it again when he gets out, whenever that is.

StormVixen
April 11th, 2010, 01:40 PM
I only know that expecting your partner to conform to your fantasies is unfair and shallow. :twocents:
How would you feel if he expected you to alter some part of your appearance so that you looked like his favourite fantasy-girl? :(

Awww i know... i feel horrible about it! and creepy... he's so good to me... and I'm just shallow and horrible thinking about long hair...

how to i get over it...? i dont know...

I guess i've got some kind of long hair obsession... i'm not a weirdo perv tho! at least i hope i'm not... if i am, i'm sorry...:(

HintOfMint
April 11th, 2010, 02:39 PM
Yes, I advise you to, in your words, "get over it." He makes the effort to try to turn you on, treats you well, and you slap him in the face with unfair comparisons to celebrities, fantasy characters, and (from his perspective) your ex boyfriend. Have some compassion for the poor fellow. I am a girl and I have had a (now ex)boyfriend compare me to other girls, and it hurt. BADLY. I apologize for being a bit harsh, but I believe this situation provides a very important lesson for any relationship.

I understand that physical attraction is a big component to a healthy relationship, and I can see if a drastic change was made to one's appearance that it might alter one's attractiveness to their significant other. But you didn't mention any drastic change. For all we know, your boyfriend had a buzz cut from the day you met him. You knew who you got into a relationship with and that person came with short hair. Men and women are not fixer-uppers, they're people.

HintOfMint
April 11th, 2010, 02:49 PM
As to how you can get over it, try focusing on what does turn you on about him. Does he have nice shoulders, is he a good kisser... etc? Fantasize about him as he is, with short hair.

If you genuinely are not attracted to him, then it's not fair to him to continue a relationship.

jera
April 11th, 2010, 02:50 PM
I'd play with his hair ( what there is of it ), and tell him how gorgeous he'd look with longer hair. Betcha he grows it. If not he's probably not your type.
It's not shallow to have preferences. Life is short. Why shouldn't you want to be sexually attracted to your own BF. :)

Lykaios
April 11th, 2010, 02:56 PM
When I started dating my DBF five years ago, he had lovely, long coal dark locks. When he cut it off last July I was devastated. I really miss his hair, and I wish he would grow it back, but I still find him attractive. Its one thing to start out this way, but if your man had short hair from the beginning, why did you date him when you didn't like it?

spidermom
April 11th, 2010, 03:12 PM
I've kind of got the same issue. Love long hair; husband keeps his less than 1-inch short all over. I can close my eyes and think about any hair that I want to, though. (PS - it goes both ways. He doesn't like my dye. I do.)

StormVixen
April 11th, 2010, 03:24 PM
Yes, I advise you to, in your words, "get over it." He makes the effort to try to turn you on, treats you well, and you slap him in the face with unfair comparisons to celebrities, fantasy characters, and (from his perspective) your ex boyfriend. Have some compassion for the poor fellow. I am a girl and I have had a (now ex)boyfriend compare me to other girls, and it hurt. BADLY. I apologize for being a bit harsh, but I believe this situation provides a very important lesson for any relationship.

I understand that physical attraction is a big component to a healthy relationship, and I can see if a drastic change was made to one's appearance that it might alter one's attractiveness to their significant other. But you didn't mention any drastic change. For all we know, your boyfriend had a buzz cut from the day you met him. You knew who you got into a relationship with and that person came with short hair. Men and women are not fixer-uppers, they're people.

Don't worry bout being harsh, it's needed... I also know what its like to be compared and tried to be changed, its happened to me also...

I do hate myself for what I'm feeling, and I've tried to stop what I'm feeling because I know its wrong especially because he is a really great BF.

I haven't compared him to celebrities really... only think about them (not really a "them" I'm not so much into celebrities as I am to long hair) to "get me going" maybe I do have some kind of problem cos i dont get "into it" ever really...

My BF is awesome, I'm with him for his personality firstly... but if I were to go for somone for looks alone my main priority would have to be long hair...

Sorry my writing is so disjointed, I'm just trying to think what to write...

I'm embarressed about this now, cos I'm thinking that I have some kind o physical or mental problem with "it"...

Roseate
April 11th, 2010, 03:24 PM
He thinks there is something really wrong with our relationship or with my health or mentality because he cant get me in the mood...

Well, honestly, he's right. If you are not attracted to him, there is something wrong with your relationship. If you truly are only attracted to long-haired men, you should be dating one. Your current boyfriend may not want to alter his appearance for you, but you should be honest with him about how you feel.

Everybody's got their preferences. In the future, be honest with yourself, too, and don't date people you aren't attracted to! Saves heartache for all.

ETA: I just saw your last post,


I do hate myself for what I'm feeling, and I've tried to stop what I'm feeling because I know its wrong especially because he is a really great BF.

Seriously, there is no reason to hate yourself! There are many, many wonderful people in the world, you can't be attracted to all of them.

Honey39
April 11th, 2010, 04:42 PM
Just shut your eyes and fantasise!!

Seriously, I would NOT try and persuade him to grow his hair. We would all be outraged if you posted here saying that your boyfriend really really was attracted to the GI Jane/Sinead o'Connor look, and genty tried to persuade you to buzzcut your hair. I think it works both ways, to be honest.

julliams
April 11th, 2010, 04:57 PM
Don't beat yourself up over this. Maybe starting this thread will highlight what is really the issue for you here. If you have become obsessive about long hair perhaps it's time to take a break from the internet and get out and do things that you love to do together.

If it's only about the hair, no problem, move on and leave it at that. My husband could dress better but I don't hold it against him and love him for who he is. If the issue is deeper, then perhaps it is time to re-evaluate what you have and whether it is right for you.

Honestly there is no point to waiting for someone to change. They are who they are and you either like/love it or you don't. I'm sure if he was wanting you to wear your hair in a pixie cut and told you he would only be attracted to you in that, way alarm bells would be ringing.

Do some things together that you enjoy and see how you feel.

GeoJ
April 11th, 2010, 04:58 PM
I don't think it is acceptable to persuade any SO to change their appearance. It would probably be damaging to the relationship. Also, what happens if the person goes bald or puts on a lot of weight, or goes through some other physical appearance change that they may not have control over?

Ursula
April 11th, 2010, 05:00 PM
Well, first of all, your boyfriend deserves the truth from you. First, because if you're hiding important issues in your relationship, it isn't fair to either of you, and second, because he's being confused by the ongoing deception.

If you *can't* get in the mood unless your partner has long hair, then pretty much the only way out that I can see is to explain this to your boyfriend, at which point, he might agree to grow his hair, or he might decide that this relationship isn't right for him because he isn't comfortable with a partner with a fetish so strong that she can't become aroused without it, or you could seek counseling separately and together to figure out ways to deal with these types of issues.

Given the strength of your interest in long hair (you can't become aroused without it) it may be worth seeking some sort of counseling to learn to deal with the interest - to get comfortable talking about the issue with your partners.

There is no reason to hate yourself. Different people just have different things that turn them on, and are more or less powerfully focused on those things. It's just something to learn to manage and communicate.

Ursula
April 11th, 2010, 05:02 PM
Another point - if this is something new for you, if you've been happy with short-haired men in the past, and only have this issue with this relationship, it may be that this issue is a way that your back-brain is warning that something else is off in the relationship. That something else is making you unhappy or uncomfortable enough not to get aroused, but you're blaming it on the hair rather than figuring out the other issue.

bumblebums
April 11th, 2010, 05:08 PM
I agree that it's not fair to ask a guy to change his appearance to please you... But, on the other hand, you've never told him what you like, and this is affecting your sex life. I think the relationship will not have much of a future unless something changes.

How about this: sit him down, have a few drinks, then start a conversation about his and your likes and dislikes. Maybe he isn't averse to growing his hair if it means that you will have a better sex life together. It's entirely fair for him to ask for something in return. You better hope he doesn't ask you to get lipo or a boob job, though :)

Katurday
April 11th, 2010, 05:13 PM
Honey, if you need long hair to get in the mood, that's an outright fetish, not a preference. I'm not about to get on your case, I suggest you seek out someone with long hair. Sexuality (or even just basic attraction) is a component of a relationship that is necessary for relationship health. Don't let anyone fool you otherwise. Your boyfriend could have a wooden leg and a bum eye, but if you find that man "Mmmmmhmmmm:eyebrows:" than you find that man "Mmmmmmmhmmmmm:eyebrows:".

You can't treat your relationships like a business venture. It doesn't matter how beneficial and how much good points there are, if the attraction is dead, so is the relationship. I suggest you go out and seek out a man with long hair, and allow your man to find some woman who finds his short hair wonderful.

Lunnafindel
April 11th, 2010, 05:13 PM
First of all, you definitely shouldn't hate yourself for wanting long hair. Second, I don't see what's so wrong about trying to persuade him to grow it. Unless he's seriously opposed to it, or absolutely loves his hair as it is, it shouldn't be a big deal. In my experience, guys with short hair don't really pay much attention to their hair anyway, so what does it matter if it's super short or long? Maybe you won't get Legolas length out of him, but there's definitely a shaggy stage that does it for me almost as much as the lord of the rings guys. (and yes, they have my ideal hair length too - I love long hair on guys)
If you were asking him to get a tattoo or something permanent, that would be different, but really - it's just hair. And if the phrase "just hair" doesn't ring for most of us, it's because we put a lot of thought and effort into our hair, which i doubt he does.
Don't force him. But talk about it. Let it slip that you think Aragorn is hot and maybe he'll decide to do it on his own. That worked for me - my DBF is growing his hair out for me. So maybe you have a chance.

Fractalsofhair
April 11th, 2010, 05:28 PM
Well, if you prefer a guy with long hair, just tell him so. Hair does take a while to grow out, sadly, and it might not be worth looking at. Some guys just have trouble taking care of their hair, even without dying and stuff like that. And honestly, you can still be attracted to the right guy regardless of his look. I can't get myself to be attracted to guys with buzz cuts or shaved heads no matter how cute they are overall, personally. I don't have a long hair ... erm pg13 warning... but I do find it more attractive, and I guess being able to see a guys hair and rough basic texture, that might be sorta one of those, but I'd just call it an attraction, and I do think guys with buzz cuts look freakish, and shaved heads bring up the image of cancer in my mind, which is not attractive to me(Not that they have cancer, it's just what it makes me think of. Not a fun thought!). Also, I was raised around long haired guys, so I guess I just think short hair looks weird. So yeah, you don't need to be "strange" to strongly prefer long haired guys, IMO.

We all have our own attractions, and a partner should be willing to consider minor, non harmful changes if needed, but the other partner should still love their partner and try to be attracted regardless of physical appearance. I know my boyfriend wouldn't be as attracted to me if I didn't wear makeup occasionally, or for special dates, and I don't consider that an unreasonable request, since it doesn't harm me, and it doesn't bother me. I mean, just imagine him with longer hair till it grows out. See if he's willing to, unless his job won't let him. I mean, at the very least, he can grow it out to 5-6 cm, which is still short, but you can see his hair and it won't look as short. I mean, it's one thing to refuse very long hair(and perfectly reasonable, IMO, since it is more work than a buzz cut. Not much more work than regular hair though.), but he might be more willing to go for a medium length guy haircut.

Debra83
April 11th, 2010, 05:28 PM
The fact that we are on this site confirms that we care about hair more than the average bear!!! The fact that you fantasize about men with longer hair isn't abnormal - I believe it just shows a preference. I just read a study done that most women do have sexual fantasies - (men prob. too but wasn't in the study). The fact that you insert men with longer hair into them just shows a preference over men with short hair or bald. It's kind of like the "ideal man" image we each have. You've proven that it is not a fetish or perversion because your bf doesn't have long hair. If it was really strong, you wouldn't be going out with him already, so there is some attraction there.

Being sexually turned on plays out very differently on different days. Are you working lots? getting sleep? getting vitamins? Do you have stress? That can all play a part. Before you instantly blame yourself for feeling inadequate in some way, really take a look at the big picture.

Big hug.

GoddesJourney
April 11th, 2010, 06:09 PM
On second thought, there could be something else going on here. What is it about long haired guys that gets you attention? Think of one. How would you describe him? Sounds like you've mentioned some champion/hero types. Are you looking for some kind of more primal, rugged behavior out of your man? It's possible that there's something that you like that he simply doesn't have or isn't doing and long hair represents that to you. Coincidently, he doesn't have long hair, but that may not be the real point. If it is a more ruggedly masculine guy that you're looking for, is he not? Is he more the gentle, understanding type and maybe that's why you feel comfortable with him? Maybe he would be interested in some role-playing now and then. There are always options. It could be that none of what I'm saying sounds like the issue to you, I'm just posting possible things that could be going on. Maybe its' not just about hair. Good luck to you.

ericthegreat
April 11th, 2010, 06:10 PM
I avoided posting on this thread because I really didn't want to say anything offensive to you, StormVixen. :grouphug:

It is my personal opinion that someone's inner personality, demeanor, charm, wit, sense of humor and knowledge are far more attractive characteristics than simply someone's physical appearance. StormVixen, I'm sure there are many things about your BF that you do indeed love about him. Now, I'm not you so I can't tell you what you should do. But, if I were you and he was kind, caring, attentive, and affectionate toward me, then I would personally find him to be the hottest man on Earth. I wouldn't care if he choose to shave his head bald, or wore a military crew cut, or had tattoos all over his body(personally, I think a tattoo on a man's bicep is so sexy! :p) I would love him because I know he loves me just as much.

Nae
April 11th, 2010, 06:24 PM
Okay, this may sound strange but I suppose you could always find a nice wig for those special moments if he is cool with that. :eyebrows: But you definately gotta talk to the poor guy about all this, don't leave him wondering what is going on.

And don't beat yourself up too much there, we all have our preferences, just don't let a good guy go over something so temporal. I mean eventually, if you two stay together you two will be two happy old people maybe rocking on a porch somewhere and you will be thankful the man has any hair at all.

Nat242
April 11th, 2010, 09:40 PM
Well, first of all, your boyfriend deserves the truth from you. First, because if you're hiding important issues in your relationship, it isn't fair to either of you, and second, because he's being confused by the ongoing deception.

If you *can't* get in the mood unless your partner has long hair, then pretty much the only way out that I can see is to explain this to your boyfriend, at which point, he might agree to grow his hair, or he might decide that this relationship isn't right for him because he isn't comfortable with a partner with a fetish so strong that she can't become aroused without it, or you could seek counseling separately and together to figure out ways to deal with these types of issues.

Given the strength of your interest in long hair (you can't become aroused without it) it may be worth seeking some sort of counseling to learn to deal with the interest - to get comfortable talking about the issue with your partners.

There is no reason to hate yourself. Different people just have different things that turn them on, and are more or less powerfully focused on those things. It's just something to learn to manage and communicate.


Another point - if this is something new for you, if you've been happy with short-haired men in the past, and only have this issue with this relationship, it may be that this issue is a way that your back-brain is warning that something else is off in the relationship. That something else is making you unhappy or uncomfortable enough not to get aroused, but you're blaming it on the hair rather than figuring out the other issue.

Wise words, quoted for emphasis.



I don't think there's anything at all wrong with having a f e t i s h, but I think you do need to be honest and upfront about it, especially when it seems to be damaging your relationship.

I don't much like the idea of trying to "persuade" one's partner about their appearance, but I don't see anything wrong with expressing a preference which they can then choose to act on or not. Given the strength of your "preference", I think you need to let him know how important it is to you.

Can you get in the mood by looking at photos/videos of people with the attribute you desire, then go to bed with your BF? (if you catch my drift?)



Okay, this may sound strange but I suppose you could always find a nice wig for those special moments if he is cool with that. :eyebrows: But you definately gotta talk to the poor guy about all this, don't leave him wondering what is going on. <snip>

Beat me to it! If my partner suddenly expressed a very strong preference for brunettes, I wouldn't dye my hair dark but I would buy a wig to wear sometimes for him. Maybe he'd be willing to wear a wig sometimes for you, once he understands how strongly you desire long hair and that you can't get in the mood without it.


Also - I think it's important to remember that hair (especially on men) is not a lifelong guarantee. You may decide that you need a partner with long hair, but there is no guarantee that your partner will keep their hair long forever - even if they wish to, it's not possible for many men.

Ksenia
April 11th, 2010, 10:16 PM
Okay, this may sound strange but I suppose you could always find a nice wig for those special moments if he is cool with that. :eyebrows:

I like that idea, but a good wig is prohibitively expensive if you don't want to look like a hallowe'en partier.

Is there a particular reason why he wears his hair short? Maybe he's just never considered any other hair style than what he has now, or maybe it's just easier to buzz it. Men sometimes don't think about their hair, they get stuck with the same style for decades because the thought of changing it never crosses their mind. My father has had the same haircut ever since he was about 15, he cuts it himself, and he's nearing 60 now!

I know a lot of people are saying it's unfair to ask him to change for your benefit, and that is definitely true, but a comment of "I think you could really pull off ____ length hair" might get him thinking about it if he's one of the "never considered it" types. It's said in a suggestive but not demanding or judgemental way. But you definitely don't want to push, if he reacts negatively then just let it drop. My ex was always saying "I wonder what you would look like with a pixie cut", "why don't you cut your hair?" and "my mother was a hair stylist and she says you would look great with really short hair", and his refusal to accept my hair was one of the many many reasons why I (finally) dumped him.

Nevermore
April 11th, 2010, 11:18 PM
I don't feel that it's right to attempt to persuade one's partner to look or act a certain way. It's one thing to say, "long hair is hot" or "you look good in that" to let it be known that you like something, but anything beyond that isn't fair to your partner.

I also think this may be the canary in the coal mine for your relationship-if a person really turns you on and you have a great relationship, the attraction should still be there if they have short hair. My girlfriend's hair is the length of your boyfriend's and while I love long hair, I think her hair is cute because it's part of her. I'm not in a relationship with her hair, you know?

xoxophelia
April 11th, 2010, 11:40 PM
I understand your issue 100&#37;. In my past relationship, my ex bf even went so far as to start shaving his head and basically didn't want me to see his hair ever. I had no idea getting into the relationship that he was so die hard about having his head shaved for the rest of his life. This period of time greatly strengthened my desire for long hair on a guy. Seriously, it is probably now one of my number one turn ons.

I understand how much you crave it, think about it, etc. In fact, I could have written your post myself.

Also, personally I don't think it is bad to encourage your mate to look better and to a degree most people do it. It can be as small as buying them a shirt you think would look good on them. And, if a partner starts to put on weight or losing mass amounts I don't think it in unreasonable to start losing attraction and want them to not do that.

I don't really know what you should do as I understand what a pinch you are in.. and honestly, my ex really screwed me over in the relationship (cheating/compulsive lies) and one positive I see in it is that I might finally have the chance to date a guy with long hair. Shallow I know, but so few things actually turn me on. It is a perfectly healthy "fet***" to have if you can even call it that (it would be like saying women who like tall men have a fet*** o.O) so I won't tell you to just get over it.

Just to add, if I knew something so small as growing out my hair would cause my SO significant joy I would do so assuming it wasn't something I was majorly attached to.

Follow your heart I guess.. just wanted you to know somebody understands. :)

xoxophelia
April 11th, 2010, 11:57 PM
I had only read the posts on the first page but when I went back, realizing this thread very much so applies to myself as well it was brought up that this could be something deeper.

I had never thought about this before but it could be partially true. Like I said, my bf cheated on me .. with his ex, and there actually was a part of me that sensed something wasn't right but I wasn't thinking he was sending her love letters etc.. I just thought he wasn't over her. I felt like I had to teach him so many things, lead him, baby him.. and it manifested itself physically as well. Like, the way he would headbang for example looked sorta.. uncoordinated. Just not take charge, powerful in general. I wanted more intensity, MOVEMENT (hair).. something more to.. I dunno. You know what I mean. I do think it is possible that there is more to this.

Nat242
April 12th, 2010, 12:32 AM
<snip> It is a perfectly healthy "fetish" to have if you can even call it that (it would be like saying women who like tall men have a fetish o.O) so I won't tell you to just get over it.
<snip>

There are varying definitions of f e t i s h, but it's not quite the same as a preference.

Generally, it goes from being just a preference to a f-e-t-i-s-h if you can't become aroused/can't be fully sexually satisfied without its presence, and that's what the OP described (specifically partialism - a f e t i s h focused on one part of the body, especially one not traditionally associated with sex). It's not a bad thing, but it is what it is.

ETA: And yes, it's healthy and not all that unusual to have a f e t i s h, I agree with you there!

xoxophelia
April 12th, 2010, 12:49 AM
Is there a reason everybody is spelling fet*** with spaces..?

Nat242
April 12th, 2010, 01:03 AM
Is there a reason everybody is spelling fet*** with spaces..?

This thread is in a google-able part of the site, and it's not generally regarded as a good thing for this site to be linked to the word f3tish, so people put spaces or block out the word in some way so our little community doesn't pop up when someone is searching for a website/photos to use solely for their own gratification.

That said, I don't doubt that there are people with hair f e t i s h e s here, but if they respect the community and its rules, don't demand to see photos without contributing anything about themselves and their hair goals, are growing their own hair/looking for hair care tips, and don't make other members feels uncomfortable, they're likely to fit right in here.

LÚlie
April 12th, 2010, 01:39 AM
Hi !

Well, i do agree with Lunnafindel, as far as you doesn't "require" or force him to grow is hair, i don't see why you shouldn't try to persuade (gently !) him ... Not like "i need that", but like "it would suits you perfectly !".
My BF had short shaven hair, and (even if i don't really are), i was sure longer hair would suit him very well. The thing is i cut his hair myself (that makes it easy !). We just agreed that he'll try grow it a bit, and if he doesn't like it, i'd cut it back. I'ts easy to cut hair, easier than growing it anyway lol !!
He did the same with me before : i used to have very short hair too, he just ask me if i planned to let it grow someday, because "i like short, but it'd look lovely on you", well, basically i just did cut it since (i now i really like it !) :)

BUT if for sure you can't love him with his short hair ... well, there is something wrong in your relationship, you really "need" something he can't bring to you, except by doing things against his will ... and you can't ask him this.

But put it the other way : you meet a nice guy with long hair, you get married and everything, get children, and then some years later, he wants his hair cut ... what would you do ? Or you have find something else that makes you say "OMG i love him so much !" ... or ... back to the same point.
Maybe you should work it out, trying to find out why you can't find him attractive without long hair, and if it's just with him or if it would be the same with any other short hair guy ?

Good luck ;)

joiekimochi
April 12th, 2010, 02:00 AM
Long hair or not, it's his decision. I once wanted DBF to grow his hair long (he once had long hair while he was still studying) but I know that it's impossible because it would affect his chosen career path. He knows my preference for long-haired metal-heads but ultimately that's only a fantasy for me and not something I would die for. I would rather have my stable, hardworking, short-haired and sharp-suited BF than anyone else, because hair isn't everything. It's what the person that counts.

emmabovary
April 12th, 2010, 02:17 AM
There's nothing wrong with having a f3tish, or a preference, or with gently hinting that you like long haired guys as far as I'm concerned. In the past I have, unintentionally, let slip my preference for longer-than-buzzcut hair, and BFs have on their own accord grown their hair out a bit.

BUT, are you sure you'll be turned on by him even if he grows his hair out? As people have been saying, maybe it's something deeper. And even if you somehow managed to change him into your ideal guy, how empty wouldn't it all feel at that point? He wouldn't be the same person anymore.

ETA: As long as it doesn't turn into a pressuring/bullying kind of thing I think it's completely normal and to be expected for a couple to have preferences and wishes about the other's appearance. My fianc&#233; did not want me to henna my hair, and was quite adamant about it. I went ahead anyway, and he still loves me and finds me sexy. If he started to talk about shaving his head I would protest fiercely, but it really wouldn't change anything about the way I feel for him, emotionally or sexually. If you can't say the same about your man, maybe he's not the one.

hmmm
April 12th, 2010, 06:29 AM
I want my bf to grow his hair too. I tried (a lot) to get him to take care of it better... he oils it before washing now, but doesn't condition sometimes. It's good enough I guess, I can't expect him to do all the crazy things I do to my hair.
He talks about shaving it off too. I think he's waiting for it to start falling out in clumps before he does that.

I don't really care that much; I'd like soft shiny and longish hair on him, but I'll take whatever I get anyway.

Lamb
April 12th, 2010, 07:12 AM
There is one thing I'll never understand about these types of "preferences."

A woman or a man meets someone who looks a certain way, behaves a certain way, lives a certain way. Those ways are not what our woman/man prefers. Yet they start a relationship with that person.

Sounds to me like a big ole' waste of both people's time and energy. :shrug: Especially if, on realizing how much those preferences mean to them, people start trying to get their partners to change their ways.

Not fair. Not wise. And very unpractical.

I may sound harsh, but this was what that azzhat of an ex of mine tried with me. When he met me, I dressed simply, wore trousers, no makeup, no plucked eyebrows. A few months passed, and he started nagging me about plucking my eyebrows into a certain shape, wearing short skirts, and wearing makeup and scent. :puke: Because, as he said, natural is all good, and simple is all very well, but there is always room for improvement, and we should all do our best to be beautiful in our partners' eyes. :rolleyes: Yeah, that ended well.

StormVixen
April 12th, 2010, 07:18 AM
Wow, thankyou all so much for the replies! I think I was in quite a low mood lastnight, and because I havent spoken to anyone about this it was playing on my mind and I figured this forum would be a good place to get it off my chest! You are all so lovely and understanding, some of your posts made me giggle and some made me *really* think...

I'm actually living more than 100 miles from my BF but I'm driving up to see him tonight... (maybe this is an underlying issue)

I do think I may have some kind of medical issue aswell, even if I am thinking about rugged, hero, longhair types I rarely get in the mood, even if it does make me smile... :D

I have suffered with quite bad depression in the past, I thought I was over it, but maybe it is still there and affecting my libedo...

I also have conserns about my BF, I think he is depressed, he doesn't eat much and when he does its usually junk, unless I'm cooking... he also still lives with his parents who are so nasty to him... he is saving to move out tho. I've tried giving him advise about eating healthier and going to the Dr to talk about stuff but I dont think I can help him any more untill we get a place together...

Im not wanting him to grow really long hair, just a little longer... I dont think he will tho really... His hair gets very dirty with his job as a mechanic, and after more thought about it, having long hair could be a health and safty issue in his line of work...

He also has a double crown, so when its about an inch or so long it does look a bit silly and i think that puts him off growing any longer...

um... He has never been to a barber or stylist, he used to get haircut from his mum, and now I think he does it himself... So maybe he just goes for the easy option...

I dont want to ruin out relationship, he is a really good bloke and I could see myself being with him forever (I have huge issues with using the word *LOVE* because of things that have happened to me in the past).

Um... I think that is all I wanted to say!

Thankyou all so much again... It has been a HUGE help to me, to be able to talk about this and to see others views and oppinions...

SV xXx

Lamb, I know what your saying, I dont want to change him. Im a natural kind of girl too, occationly if my BF asks I will do my make-up, and put on a shorter skirt (and maybe even wear high heels!), altho I refuse to look too much like a street walking, corner lingerer! Luckily for me, he isn't a boob man, he is quite happy with my phsical apperance, altho i dont think he really likes my tattoos!