Leave My Hair Alone...

[doro357]

Why are some people obsessed with other people's hair?
I'm always getting comments like, why don't you cut your hair? It has no style.
You need a trim.
Why do you use henna? That's an old-fashioned way to color your hair.
Your ends are lighter than the rest of your hair.
It drives me crazy.If I'm happy with my hair leave me alone.
I don't tell others what to do with their hair. Whatever makes you happy , than do it. You want green hair ,fine go for it.I don't care.
To each his own.

[gnegirl]

Because sad little people have nothing better to do.

[rchorr]

Not only do they have nothing better to do, but you don't look like everyone else. That bothers some people. My husband likes to call those folks "sheeple" ... and heaven forbid if you march to the beat of a different drummer!!! :silly: I like being different! ;)

RCHORR'

[gnegirl]

Not only do they have nothing better to do, but you don't look like everyone else. That bothers some people. My husband likes to call those folks "sheeple" ... and heaven forbid if you march to the beat of a different drummer!!! :silly: I like being different! ;)

RCHORR'

This is so true!

[Peter]

I think they have trouble dealing with people that disregard social norms and do their own thing. I don't really know though.

[jackiesjottings]

I know :(( why can't they live and let live. A couple of my workmates I think find it odd that I am nearly 50 and have very long hair and have made a few comments. I find excuses to let them know how much I love my long hair :)

[ChloeDharma]

You could just give answers like....
"why don't you cut your hair? It has no style." "Because i don't want to"
"You need a trim" "you need to mind your own business"
"Why do you use henna? That's an old-fashioned way to color your hair" "because i want to, when did it become your business?"
Or you could just say "shut up and mind your own business" like i would

[embee]

You could always play the Religion card, or Spirituality card, or Personal Reasons - don't want to talk about it.

I don't know why people do this either, and thank heaven they do not (yet) do it to me!

I am inclined to think the "sheeple" thing is just about right... if you wear different clothing, or live in any different manner - like not having TV. I do get all sorts of static for that one!

[Kaijah]

I think everyone pretty much had it nailed with the "you're going against the expected social norms" thing. It seems to bother some people that you can just disregard what others think.

My response kind of depends on how the question is asked... if it's asked nicely or the person is honestly wondering how/why I have longish curly hair, I'll answer in kind. But if someone's being snarky or purposely mean and trying to make me feel singled out as a weirdo or whatever (which doesn't really work, since I embrace my weird anyway) I can get snarky back. Mostly I ignore them, but if they catch me in a mood...

"Why don't you cut your hair? It's not stylish" would get something like "Why is you hair cut/dyed/styled like (whatever)? You look really forgettable/unremarkable/just like everyone else."

I've also found that if someone comes up and sproings my curls/runs their hand in my hair (happens way.too.much), and I turn around and do it back to them, they get all PO'ed and tend to go "WHAT ARE YOU DOING OMG?!" Then when I respond "Well, that's exactly what you just did to me..." they tend to leave quickly. :laugh:

[Loreley]

It would be great if they didn't do it. I don't understand these people... :argue:

[spidermom]

Some options:
1) The parrot option: whenever someone asks you about your hair, say the same thing every time - whatever you like: (suggestions - mind your own business, because I like it this way, because I know it bothers you .......)
2) Respond "Really?"
3) Ask them lots of questions: Why do you think it would look better short? What is wrong with having lighter ends? Why are you wearing a black shirt with a green skirt? Why don't you grow your hair long and see what it's like? What are you afraid of?

Trust me; they'll learn to leave you alone. Wear your hair how you like it! Someone else will like it, too; I guarantee it!

[ASillyKitty]

I always get the "Well, you'll cut it when you get older/ get married/ have kids!" People say this like they can't wait for you to cut your hair, like it would prove them *right* or something. I really do think it's a social norm thing. People lose all their manners when they see something different.

[Merewen]

I always get the "Well, you'll cut it when you get older/ get married/ have kids!" People say this like they can't wait for you to cut your hair, like it would prove them *right* or something. I really do think it's a social norm thing. People lose all their manners when they see something different.

Around here, you don't cut your hair when you get older/get married/have kids. It just gets shorter. All by itself. This is the one hair comment I have to deal with. I just smile and nod and make a silent vow to prove them wrong.

[Cheeks1206]

You could just give answers like....
"why don't you cut your hair? It has no style." "Because i don't want to"
"You need a trim" "you need to mind your own business"
"Why do you use henna? That's an old-fashioned way to color your hair" "because i want to, when did it become your business?"
Or you could just say "shut up and mind your own business" like i would

When you give reasons like this, you have to deal with the people that say, "oh, you don't want to talk about it? why is that?" Er, because I don't and explaining why is still talking about it! Ah, some people are just impossible to please. Also, kind of going along with the social norm thing, some people just think they're right about everything. If they think your hair looks bad, clearly it does and everyone else must think so, too.

[TiaKitty]

One of my pat answers is "Stuff it."

[ChloeDharma]

When you give reasons like this, you have to deal with the people that say, "oh, you don't want to talk about it? why is that?" Er, because I don't and explaining why is still talking about it! Ah, some people are just impossible to please. Also, kind of going along with the social norm thing, some people just think they're right about everything. If they think your hair looks bad, clearly it does and everyone else must think so, too.

See i'm quite blunt....or, very blunt, more than i can usually say on here lol
Being very alternative/different looking most of my life i've just got used to the fact that people try to criticise or have a go at me for my look so i have quite a thick skin now. To be honest my usual reaction if people annoy me is "get stuffed!" but i was trying to seem more polite here ;)
I do think people can be far too worried about offending people though. I'm happy to talk about my appearance when people ask politely but if they are taking the pi** then i don't mind being really rude and then cutting them short.
I agree by the way about not getting into a dialogue and not standing there justifying yourself.

[JenniferNoel]

Ahhhhh... sheeple. How, I am amused with thee.:violin:
The fear of the abnormal; the enemy to all, simply disregard. It's their problem, refrain from making it yours. It's not on their heads, is it? :drama:

[julliams]

Because there is a lull in the conversation and they don't know what else to say. Some people have to "fill the gaps" just because there is nothing being said. That said - that's my problem, although I would never comment on someone's hair/looks unless I was being complimentary. I never tell people they look tired or pale and yet people tell me that all the time. It is possible that I do look that way but it is more likely my pale complexion and the fact that I am not wearing make up - lol

[Natalia]

Another vote for "because they are sheeple". People like to get into the bussines of people who are different than they are and generally not for the better. Its just something to occupy their time before they go back to keeping GLBT from getting married :rolleyes: and opposing alternative energy :p.

[Feli]

I continue to be amazed how many of you have to put up with such rude comments from other people about your hair. I don't know whether it's a cultural thing, but here in Germany I just can not imagine someone saying something so personal.

[Hiriel]

I continue to be amazed how many of you have to put up with such rude comments from other people about your hair. I don't know whether it's a cultural thing, but here in Germany I just can not imagine someone saying something so personal.

I think maybe long hair is more uncommon in the US? I don't know, but no one seems to consider my waist length hair extraordinary. Long, sure, but not "OMG, your hair is so long! Whyyyy?!"
The only people who have ever commented on my hair are people I know, and it's either complimentary, or just something along the lines of "I didn't know it was that long!" (I wear my hair up almost all the time, so they rarely see the length).

[*Aoife*]

I continue to be amazed how many of you have to put up with such rude comments from other people about your hair. I don't know whether it's a cultural thing, but here in Germany I just can not imagine someone saying something so personal.

I'm not trying to be offensive, but in my experience, the Americans I've met tend to be very blunt. They say whatever pops into their mouths without thinking it through.

Now I'm not trying to offend anyone. This is just the experience I've had with American people that I've met in real life.

[emmabovary]

Us reserved Swedes don't usually comment in such an intrusive way. Of course, there are exceptions.

[GlassEyes]

It's just a part of life.

I mean, how many LHC members do we have on here that try to convert (and sometimes succeed) their friends and family into 'proper' haircare? It's not always because they ask for help. :lol:

Also, my thoughts on the thread title:

"LEAVE HAIR ALONE. YOU'RE ANIMALS."

[BattahZ]

I've been getting the more subtle hair-length comments. Last year, I cut my BSL+ hair just above my shoulders, and when I put a picture of it on Facebook, I was inundated with comments from friends telling me how much better it looked than the longer style. Made me kind of upset, since I had cut it off to remove damage, not because I wanted short hair. I feel so much LESS attractive with short hair.

There's no good way to respond to that, though, other than to thank them for the compliment and try not to think about it as you grow back out.

I love kaijah's response - if they comment or touch your hair, just dish it back ;) That's awesome.

[Ravenne]

I'm not trying to be offensive, but in my experience, the Americans I've met tend to be very blunt. They say whatever pops into their mouths without thinking it through.

Being American myself, I can say that is for the most part true. It's very common to just say what you're thinking because of course everyone *must* want to know what you're thinking. The idea of a brain to mouth filter just isn't taught to a lot of kids and by the time they're older it's too late. :o I know several people like this. Of course it's not everyone. Most of my friends tend to be the more reserved, polite type, but it's the loud ones that make themselves more known to the people around them. And these tend to be the ones that make the rude hair comments.

[spidermom]

I think it's a regional problem in the U.S. because where I live - Pacific NW Washington - people seldom make rude comments about somebody else's appearance. I've never had anybody say anything rude about my hair except my father in Ohio ("it looks like a big mess"). They might say things behind my back, but I consider things said behind my back none of my business.

[Hiriel]

Us reserved Swedes don't usually comment in such an intrusive way. Of course, there are exceptions.

Us Norwegians generally don't speak at all ;)

[Demetrue]

I am always surprised at how some people seem to have no respect for boundaries between themselves and others. I always bend over backwards to not infringe on other's space - physical, mental and emotional. I am a big believe in free will and individual choice and feel that is none of my business to comment on other people's personal choices, so it is always shocking when they feel perfectly free to comment on mine. When people mention that women my age or with gray shouldn't grow their hair long, I usually say, "Well, I have decided to grow my hair down to my toes like Lady Godiva." People usually just laugh after I say that and drop the subject - they don't know whether I am joking or serious, so I guess they back off.

[kabelaced]

What's popular is not always right [for you] and what's right [for you] is not always popular with everyone else.

Personally, I'd rather slather henna all over my head than fry it off with crazy peroxide bleach or something. I cannot express how much I dislike that platinum blonde fake hair color every "hip" girl is supposed to wear. (Along with the ridiculously dark fake can-tan, blech!)

At the end of the day, you have to live with yourself, so as long as you enjoy who you are, don't let dissenters change that! Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but the one that makes the decisions for yourself is you. :D

[Xandrra]

Irish people are generally very polite (but will mercilessly discuss you behind your back :P) so I can't imagine hearing something like this here, I think I'd be absolutely shocked and stumped if I heard something like that. Tell them to build a bridge and get over it :) They're way too rude to deserve more than that

[Nilithyana]

Luckily I haven't come across any rude comments. I do get a lot of, "Locks of Love would love your hair". That does get annoying. I'm not growing my hair out to donate (not that I'm against people that do), but because I love long hair!

I say if you are happy with your hair, then what other people say does not matter.

[princessp]

Not only do they have nothing better to do, but you don't look like everyone else. That bothers some people. My husband likes to call those folks "sheeple" ... and heaven forbid if you march to the beat of a different drummer!!! :silly: I like being different! ;)

RCHORR'

Exactly, it has nothing to do with you. Your hair is counter to their conventions and forces them to question their own choices (in this case consumerism). They do not like it one bit and so they assert that you should change (not really realizing it is their problem). I also think for women in the US a bit of "women as commodity" comes in here since we are such a consumer driven country. Don't you know you are supposed to keep up with fashion so that you will remain desirable to those who wish to "buy your look"?! :D (I hope you know that last sentence was tongue in cheek).

ETA: I don't know if you are in the US, just saying that is the case here.

[jackiesjottings]

In a previous job back in the 80's I had two girls who in the office who were forever asking me when I was going to cut my hair. I don't know if they were jealous or just didn't like me being different. One day I had had enough. I turned round and said "I have my hair long because I like my hair long and because I want my hair long". After that the subject was never mentioned again :)

[Monsterkitti]

Im pretty lucky to not recieve any particually negative comments so far about my hair but the sheeple can be a pain.

I pretty much just go 'oh really' and then just carry on, If im happy with what im doing then I try to let any negativity bounce off and just carry on with what im doing :)

[Joette]

I don't get so many comments like that, but I'm only at just below BSL so it's not quite as in your face as some of you lovely ladies with waist and longer. My husband, on the other hand...oy!

His father has finally stopped making negative comments about the length, though he does fall all over himself with compliments any time DH trims. And his employer (before he decided to be the home schooling parent) made him trim both hair and beard pretty severely. He'd let both get about mid-chest length. The employer said that it didn't present a good image to their customers. Of course, every single customer that he saw before and after made disbelieving comments about the trim and were sad on hubby's behalf. Which was a nice expression of sympathy, but shows that our "image" isn't always what other people think it is. If that makes sense.

[QueenBean]

Wow! I am amazed that people would be so rude.

My first response is that they are a little envious and trying to build themselves up by knocking you down - don't let them bother you!

[Pallas]

When I had long hair (somewhere between waist-tailbone) I mostly got positive remarks... There were lots of people who though I had such long hair because I just didn't know how to get a haircut XD As if I were a hobo. haha

People who did say things like: 'You could cut it like this and this with layers' or 'like that celebrity' were pretty much people (sheeple ^^) who found it very important to be completely up-to-date with all teh trends and what not. I don't. So I live and let live.

And some people say some other short styles would look great on me, but often they mean it in a good way. As if to help. I don't like it, but I know they mean well so I tell myself to appreciate their concern either way.

[mintyhot]

a little while back i had waist length hair, but i needed a cut because most of it was dead anywho. Everyone i knew kept telling me to cut layers and then i guess i started to like the idea and went through with it and now I HATE IT!!! Worst decision! I wish i just cut the dead ends and it would have been a about an inch below my shoulder. Its so hard to grow out layers :(

[Juliannaissance]

Those type of people just want others to look the same. That is no fun. People need to be original, their own self. If they actually like the popular styles they can go for it, but they don't have to pin their "looks" on us.

[starsaphire]

Personally, here's how I'd handle it:

First rude comment/question? Raise an eyebrow, and change the subject.

Second rude comment? "Isn't that a rather personal question? So how 'bout those (Local Sports Team)?"

Third rude comment? "Oh, but enough about my personal life. Tell me, do you and your husband ever (Bedroom Technique)? Oh, I'm sorry; I thought you wanted to talk about personal stuff..."

Of course, I'm evil, and not always socially acceptable... ;)

- starsaphire

[spidermom]

I wonder sometimes if people think that somehow we missed the trend train by accident, and they want to help us get on board.

[Nae]

I haven't gotten any of these sorts of comments because, alas, I am a shorty still but I wonder about it.

I was just thinking that perhaps they look at long hair as an empty canvas. Because of the longer length you could do ANYTHING to it! How exciting! Long with layers? Got it! A mullet? Oh yeah, baby, the random long hair could rock the mullet! Cool little spikey style? Yep, you could do that too! The possibilities are absolutely endless. So the long hair becomes the base for whatever style they think is the best. They may have just been thinking "Man, I really love that one style I saw in a magazine today, but my hair is too short." And then a long hair walks in.......get the picture? Then it is, open mouth, insert foot, all because the longhair has something they don't have.......freedom and endless style possibilites.

This is not to say they should comment, I was just hypothesizing about why they might.;)

[BlueMuse]

I have to be honest, the whole sheeple thing is bothering me (in part because sheep are incredibly stupid animals and the term is intended to be strongly derogatory). Why can't others have their own opinions? Why can't they just dislike long hair because they dislike it? Aren't we all kind of here because we're "sheep" of the same flock. We like our long hair and want others to agree with us.

When it comes to comments about my hair I treat everyone like an individual. I admit one guy came on kind of strong with all the enthusiastic hair comments, but hey, I rolled with it. He was nice enough (if just excited). And when people are like "you'll cut your hair by the time you're 35" I just shrug and accept that I'll never fit their sense of fashion.

Sure, it's annoying to get some of the comments but that doesn't make them "sheeple", just makes them different than me. Because, believe me, I could call all sorts of people sheeple and it really would apply to every single one of us in one way or another. You'd just have to single out what they "follow" on and attach the tag.

[BranwenWolf]

THEM: "Why don't you cut your hair?"

ME: "Why do you think I care about what you think?"

[aprilmay]

I definetly get comments like, are you ever going to cut your hair? or change your hairstyle? Blah, blah, blah is what I feel like responding.

[doro357]

I really hate the whole "keeping up with fashion" thing. Your hair ,clothes ,and make-up have to be a certain way. Why do we have to follow a few people that make the fashion? What if I think it's ugly?Do I still have to wear it?

Did you ever see on some talk shows how they force people to cut their hair just for a make-over? Some of them cry and are very upset.It's like torture and they think it's funny.