Just got negative comment about my hair

[Beesweet]

Well, I know I am growing it out from very short. I know I have had some epic hair fails in not-too-distant-past. I know that the in-between stage can make a gal feel, well, sloppy and bothered, even when the hair is loved, naturally conditioned, smells sweet and fresh, etc.

I know I don't look terribly "hot" these days with my hair between chin and collarbone, and hanging in my face unless it is half up with a clip, or under a buff or bandanna.

I don't feel particularly fetching either. It's an IN-BETWEEN STAGE. Everyone knows these stages are a pain. But I have been taking heart because it IS getting longer -- I can see it and feel it. It is getting stuck under my husband's arm when he puts his arm around me.

But the lady who made an offhand comment has made me rethink even having long hair, because she made such an absolute statement.

I ran into a neighbor who has known me for about five years. She has seen me with long hair, super short, henna red, blondish, and all of my experimental stages.

I noticed she made a subtle change in her neck-length hair style and I complimented her on it. She was glad that I noticed because no one else had( I always notice hair) and said, "Yeah, I am just like you. I NEVER look good in long hair, no matter what I do."

Talk about knocking the wind out of one's sails. Could she be right? Sympathy and encouragement will be gratefully accepted from this point.:confused::confused:

[JenniferNoel]

Meh, she probably forgot the whole thought-before-speech rule of thumb. Anyone can have/look good in long hair. Just depends on how the hair is presented with the person under it. You have great hair, I can tell just by the avatar; keep growing. Don't let her negative/thoughtless comment get you down.

[marikamt]

wow.... what a lovely thing to say......

Do you like it? Does your DH like it? You have a goal (I am assuming), you know this stage is temporary, I would tell her (maybe not out loud :D ) to stuff a sock in it........

looking at your avatar pic, your hair is very pretty, I love the curls!

[Lassie]

how nasty!

I personally think your hair looks great...i spend a good 30 minutes putting curlformers in my hair then leave them overnight to make my hair look like yours does!

I think it lovely, it seems to have thickness and body - that comment is completely unvalidated..there does not seem to be anything undesirable about your hair..

if it was horribly thin, or scraggly and all torn on the bottom and in dire need of a cut i might see where she was coming from...but this is certainly not the case with your hair...

So chin up and grow!

[kitty_did]

I second JenniferNoel, she's absolutely right!

[Pixna]

What a ridiculous comment for her to make!!! When you have long hair, you can put it up if you want a different look -- there are SO many things you can do with it. What looks "good" is incredibly subjective. If we tried to please everyone around us, or listened to everyone else's opinions, we would have short hair one week, long hair the next, permed hair the following week, dyed hair after that, and straightened or striped hair the next week. C'mon -- this neighbor is not the arbiter of good taste or proper hair lengths. She's just one snoopy, snarky person who made a horribly inappropriate comment. Do your best to disregard it. She might very well just be envious of your beautiful hair or general attractiveness. Some people just have bad taste, myopic viewpoints, or low self-esteem that they take out on others. Your hair's texture, color, and curls are gorgeous. Don't let this single comment get you down!!!

[EverydayMiracle]

I've had similar comments made about my hair when it's long. There is a certain length at which my hair looks good (when it's straight) and that seems to haven been *it* historically. Since my hair became more wavy, I get the "in between phase" longer than I used to -- it's kind of there right now at BSL.

Bear in mind that you are taking care of your hair and that if this hasn't always been the case, you're changing the overall structure and quality of your hair. Long hair almost always looks good unless it isn't cared for. If you've changed your routine, it's very likely that you'll get better results.

Here's the thing: You aren't going to know unless you try it. If you stop now and cut your hair, you won't know whether or not the long hair will work for you. You will never know.

She probably wasn't trying to be nasty. My tongue trips over itself a lot and I say things that don't come out quite right. Many people try to "share" with others, to "fake" a common thread if they have to in order to belong or fit in. It's very possible that's all she was doing.

[Beesweet]

wow.... what a lovely thing to say......

Do you like it? Does your DH like it? You have a goal (I am assuming), you know this stage is temporary, I would tell her (maybe not out loud :D ) to stuff a sock in it........

looking at your avatar pic, your hair is very pretty, I love the curls!

My hair is shorter than my avatar pic. I have been remiss in changing it, but there are pics of how it looks now in my blog. Yes, I have a goal -- BSL. I am six feet tall so for me, BSL is like waist length on a petite person, LOL.

I don't exactly like it right now, but I do like it once it is all long enough to get up with a twist and a clip. I know I love the way it feels when it is long.

My DH is a mystery. He doesn't like long hair per se, but he likes change, so the variety of styling you can do with long hair makes him happy. He's an engineer, which probably explains things. I know he hates when I'm all, like,"ouch, you're on my hair!"

You people are the BEST. I just need a little encouragement right now. You are all helping.

[Angela_Rose]

I think the collective opinion here will be along the lines of "tell her to stuff it!" 'cause we know hair, we know what you're going through, and we know she was wrong. So keep on growing and the next time someone makes a crack like that, smile your sweetest smile and say "Well bless your heart" in as sappy a voice as you can manage, then walk away.

[Forever_Sophie]

Judging from your avatar, she is clearly wrong! I'm jealous of your hair! I'm sorry she's so thoughtless.

[joiekimochi]

I think she didn't mean to be nasty to you. She probably assumed that you were going to maintain your mid-length hair and wanted to have some camaraderie with you, not realizing your actual wants. I'm pretty sure she would feel ashamed and sorry for indirectly hurting you if she knew how you really felt.

You have gorgeous hair from what I see in your avatar, and I disagree with anyone who claims that they cannot look good with long hair. On the contrary, long hair immediately makes a woman alluring and sexy because of the very strong sexual symbolism that hair connotes. On the other hand, it is MUCH harder to look attractive with shorter hair. Why are people spending $47,000 on hair extensions if long hair doesn't look good?

[Bethie]

I agree that she was rude to say it, and probably just didn't think before she said it, or thought that she was complementing you :shrug:

Just ignore her, you have beautiful hair.

[Alia]

She mayn't have meant what she said and was just flustered by the compliment. I, for one, really love the color and texture of your hair. :flower:

[Carolyn]

Say what??? All her taste is in her mouth. Grow on and enjoy your longer hair.

[florenonite]

Unless she's habitually rude to you, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she hadn't meant it as a negative. Maybe she thought you'd cut your hair when it was long before because you thought you hadn't looked good with it, or she was surprised you noticed her haircut and was feeling insecure about the compliment, etc. Perhaps she does think you look bad with long hair, but does that really matter if you like it? You can't please everyone, so do the things that please yourself :)

[spidermom]

Tell yourself that she meant she's just like you in that she always notices when people change their hair. Wear your hair how you like it and be happy.

[AgnesONutter]

I don't think she meant that. I actually think it was a sort of compliment, coming out backwards, meaning she likes your hair just as it is right now. Also...not everyone's tastes are the same. She might genuinely think shorter hair is prettier, it is just her subjective perception. Keep on growing, and remember when it comes to looks, trust yourself since it is you who have to live with it. :)

[blackhound]

Wow. Talk about rude. :P

Who cares what she said. It looks like you have lovely hair.

[cmnt831]

I think she didn't mean to be nasty to you. She probably assumed that you were going to maintain your mid-length hair and wanted to have some camaraderie with you, not realizing your actual wants. I'm pretty sure she would feel ashamed and sorry for indirectly hurting you if she knew how you really felt.

Beesweet, this is exactly what I thought when I read your post. She probably thought you like your hair at the length that it is and wanted to say something to reciprocate after your compliment of her hair. It maybe didn't come out right, but if no one typically notices her hair and you said something nice about it, she might have been flustered and just blurted out something.

ETA: Maybe her dream was to have long hair and others kept telling her to keep it short, because it "looks bad long"? Just a thought.

I think your hair looks very pretty in your avatar picture. :flower:

[Sunny_side_up]

Your hair has lovely movement and texture, looks healthy and thick too, enjoy your growing process and ignore such comments, your hair looks fab now and will continue tobecause you're a member of this fab forum:)

[Beesweet]

You guys are the best. Where else can you be have an insecurity flash at 9 am and get propped up by so many insightful people -- all by noon!

Thanks. This neighbor is tall like me, and has a longish face like me -- so it is very possible that she heard negative things about her own long hair attempts throughout her like -- as I have.

She also isn't intentionally rude, now that I think about it, but she is very blunt, very honest, very logical and to the point, which is what made me question myself.

I am also having a bad hair week, so put those two things together with a lil' bit of midlife crisis, and you get an insecurity sandwich!

Time for a henna cassia gloss and a little air drying in the sunshine. Then a new picture of my new growth to post, right?

I am so grateful for my LHC friends!

[SeaShell]

In your latest pic I think it looks lovely at that length, not awkward at all. As for the comment she probably said that thinking you didn't like your own hair super long, which is why you have cut it shorter in the past...either way don;t take it to heart, I think long hair will look beautiful :)

[Melisande]

Beesweet - this woman didn't know how her remark would get to you, that's at least my impression. Not for everyone "long hair" is something to be desired, and she didn't know that she just rained on your dear project. It was just a remark.

But let's do the exercise called "assuming the worst" and let's say she meant to say: you look horrible in long hair.

And then?

So there is a nice neighbor who thinks you don't look yourbest in long hair. But you like it. Should you really cut your hair and abandon your long hair journey because your taste is different from your neighbor's? Should you follow anyone's taste but your own? Should you live to decorate anyone's world?

No, you should not. You owe other people respect, politeness, consideration, fairness and honesty, yes. But nowhere it is written that you owe them changing your taste and looks to suit theirs. You may indeed end up hearing from your neighbor that she doesn't like your BSL - waist - hip - tail bone length hair.

So what? My mother hates my hair and keeps telling me so. I don't like it and feel humiliated, but do I cut? No. I love my hair. I feel that it looks good. My mother can cut her hair - mine is no issue of hers. And neighbors, however nice and friendly? I wouldn't cut my hair for a compliment from a stranger. I wouldn't abandon my dream project because a stranger objected to it.

Would you throw away a coat or a pair of shoes because your neighbor doesn't like them? Or some random stranger? So why should you cut your hair?

You grow your hair for yourself. It can be a lonely journey because not too many mainstream-brainwashed people appreciate long natural layer-less highlight-less hair. That's what the boards are for - to celebrate our little triumphs taht nobody else understands.

Dealing with less-than-enthusiastic remarks is one of the things you have to learn as longhair. So take this remark as proof that your hair is already too long for mainstream taste - which means that you are on your way!

Your hair on your ava is lovely, btw...

[x0h_bother]

your hair is LOVELY. she has foot-in-mouth disease.

[Unofficial_Rose]

Actually, regardless of how your hair looks, I simply cannot understand why people take it upon themselves to tell someone what they think of how they look. :confused:

I'd never tell someone what I thought of their hair unless
a) it was beautiful and I wanted to let them know (because hopefully that would make them happy)
b) they specifically asked me what I thought of their hair (and even if I thought it looked crap, I'd try to be constructive)

People's lack of grasp of basic social skills astonishes me sometimes.:rolleyes:

[Fairlight63]

I just looked at your picture album & I think that your hair is beautiful! Please do not get it cut because of what she said, you will so regret it later! It is your hair & you have to make yourself happy, not anyone else.

[jera]

I love your color, thickness and wavies. :) Maybe your neighbor had an early morning brain cramp and spoke without thinking. Try to see it that way and don't let her thoughtless comment interfere with your objectives. ;)

[Fiferstone]

Yep, sounds like inandvertent brain to mouth filter failure. She thought she was commiserating with you and sought solidarity with someone whom she assumed had also decided they didn't look good in long hair. Little did she know. Don't let it get to you. One of my Walter Mitty dreams is to have thick, wavy/wurly hair. I'm a stick straight finey and it just is not going to happen.

[Sweetbaby]

I haven't read all the comments but I'm sure they are supportive and remember that some people just say stuff without thinking. I have been known to put my foot in my mouth too ;-)

But back to your hair.. it's about attitude. Your attitude,not hers, nor anyone elses. I think I had an epiphany (sp?lol) when I got my hair cut way too short almost two months ago now. I didn't have hair as long as some of the lovely ladies on here, but I had enough to make ME feel good about myself. But during the time I was growing my hair, OMG I got ALL kinds of comments, from my mother on down . Nothing to cruel, just like "so what are you doing with your hair, letting it get long" Now my mom, she's Pentacostal so her hair is terminal although she always wears it up. She usually comments about it getting darker as I get older LOL


I think maybe I had this experience of getting my hair whacked badly to teach me to really appreciate what I LIKE. Know what I mean? I am going to have long hair again and I am going to love it and I am going to have a good attitude about it's state of being right now. ( That's cause I already cried over it ha ha) . But it's about what I like.. not what someone else likes. That's all that matters to me anymore. I spend more time with me than anyone else by far. :-)

Seriously though... no matter what length , someone is always going to have an opinion. But the most important opinion , the one that absolutely matters the most is yours.

So you start walking around with the feeling that you are beautiful now and you will be beautiful later and be darned with anyone elses thoughts.

Get that swag, get that attitude and hold on to it. When someone says something negative, assume their thinking is faulty, certainly not your hair .... . ;-)

[jaine]

To me it sounds like a (botched) attempt to compliment your hair at its current length ... she probably meant well. but she put her foot in her mouth. ;)

[rchorr]

How rude is that? Did your jaw hit the floor? Mine did! I think your hair looks lovely! Maybe she's just trying to make herself feel better? After all, she DID include herself in that comment.

To quote Sandra Boynton, "Don't let the turkeys get you down!"

RCHORR'

[Elbereth]

Pfft.

I know I didn't look good down when my hair was the same length as yours (my solution was to wear it up as soon as I was able to gather everything in a claw clip, but that's beside the point). I didn't get any rude comments but I didn't like it myself. In fact, the only stages when my hair looks good is when it is pixie or even shorter and when it is at least waist length. I really did not like to wear my hair down at any point in between these two points.

I still grew my hair from peach fuzz to hip length. Nowadays I like wearing hair down, but I do it very rarely anyway because my babyfine hair does not like it. Wearing updo as default style and liking bandanas and other headcoverings is only beneficial for a longhair, so I am glad I picked up the habit early on. I am also glad I stuck with my hair growing project. It is worth it! I learned that different lengths look really different on a person, and that if one's hair does not look good when it is collarbone length, it can look gorgeous at waist length.

A whole different matter is that one should never believe rude comments. Your job is not to decorate anyone else's world.

Besides, FWIW, from the picture, your hair looks lovely. :flower: Maybe that commenter needs new glasses or something.

[IcarusBride]

That was incredibly insensitive of her! However I think she did not mean to say you look terrible with long hair. Rather, she has seen that every time you've grown your hair long, you (previously) always cut it short again. So she probably thinks that YOU don't like the way your hair looks long. I think that's what she was getting at.

[seraphine]

I just wanted to say that what she said was much more about HER than it was about you.
Some people need to drag others down so they can feel better about themselves.
I wouldn't take her comment serious at all...

[gmdiaz]

Some people just can't see beyond themselves to actually look at another person without putting all sorts of their own ideas and judgments all over them. *insert image of Ghost Busters and being slimed* I think you just experienced a slime-ing.

You're probably feeling pretty sensitive to comments like that. . .it's hard getting through those awkward growing out stages! I don't know anyone, who has had to get out and face the world everyday, who's had an easy time of it. Some hair days are better than others, long or short.

You keep going and don't get discouraged. Not everyone loves long hair like we do. Having long hair is about you and what you want for yourself. It's for you, to do with as you please. . .as long as it pleases you. Looks like you are taking amazing care of your hair. I think she's in for a big surprise!

I love surprises.

[Autumnberry]

Actually, regardless of how your hair looks, I simply cannot understand why people take it upon themselves to tell someone what they think of how they look. :confused:

I'd never tell someone what I thought of their hair unless
a) it was beautiful and I wanted to let them know (because hopefully that would make them happy)
b) they specifically asked me what I thought of their hair (and even if I thought it looked crap, I'd try to be constructive)

People's lack of grasp of basic social skills astonishes me sometimes.:rolleyes:

That is very well said, indeed! I really think that the woman making the hair comments has had stylists tell her she looks bad with long hair. That is very convenient, as the result is chop-chop-chop and out comes the wallet! And there is a myth that long hair should be stick straight and very orderly/tamed. Meanwhile, you have beautiful waves that make me envious! So please take her hair advice with a grain!

[long.again]

I have naturally golden blonde hair and I am a firm believer that your natural color is what is best for you. I had someone point blank tell me I don't look good as a blonde. It crushed me.

I totally understand being hurt by this comment. I actually don't know if I've ever seen someone who doesn't look good with long hair. It's just the growing out stage that sucks. Stick with it and don't listen to her. She's probably just jealous because she knows you'll look good with long hair and she won't.

[Demetrue]

It sounds like she was caught off-guard by your complement and was trying to complement you back, but it just came out wrong. I would honestly take it with a grain of salt and not read into it. She was probably trying to say that she thought you were alike and had something in common, not that your hair looked bad, but it didn't come out right.

[LadyAstolat]

No matter if she meant it or not, it was a rude thing to say! I agree with others that if your avatar is what we are to judge from then your hair is quite lovely!

I have a great-aunt who has a tendency to say very rude things to people in the belief that she is "helping" you. She would often tell my mother that she is fat or say to me "you're getting big like Tracy!" or "only people with long hair can wear low cut shirts" while I had short hair and wearing a v-neck sweater while visiting. In her mind her opinion was right and you had no idea you were in the wrong so she had to let you know so you could change your ways. It didn't make her comments valid or excuse them in any way but realizing her way of thinking made me able to take the comments with a grain of salt. Perhaps this woman is similar? XD

[Vanilla Mint]

Passive-aggressive to the MAX! Your hair looks gorgeous in your avatar. I'd kill to have that curl!

[christine1989]

That sounds like a perfect example of why you should think before you speak". In her case she obviously didn't. Anyone who looks at your avatar can see that your hair is lovely! I wish I had those great wavy, frizz-free curls. Even in the akward "in between stage" your hair looks fantastic!