Nasty hair comment :(

[BelleBot]

I went into uni today and bumped into a girl I'm not particularly fond of on my course. She's usually very bitchy about anyone who might steal the spotlight from her. I try and be nice whenever I can, but I feel it's a losing battle. I just want a quiet life so I can work in peace, but she always insists on coming over to my studio space and making comments.

Anyway, today she came over, I said hi and asked how her holiday went. She replied with "Oh G**, you've got brown hair. How dull and boring, it's not even a nice brown." I got rid of the pink early January so I'm not sure why this came as a surprise to her.

So I let my hair down as it was in a lazy wrap to try and show her it wasn't brown but more auburn, and hints of copper and red in the sunlight. To which she said "It's in such terrible condition, you should really leave your hair alone. A good few chops should sort most of it out. But stop dying it every week, it looks terrible."
For a start I have never dyed it every week, in fact it's not been touched in over a month now I think colour wise. :rant: And it can't be in that bad a condition. I know it's not great as the nasty layers have all split, but they're improving and hopefully I'll grow them out.

It makes me doubt my own opinion of my hair. Maybe she's being truthful and just everyone else has said nice things to try and cheer me up. I just want to cry. I'm not having a great time of things as it is. Don't need to feel any more insecure about my hair. :(

Plus when I try to take photos of my hair, due to odd lighting conditions and a lack of decent sized mirrors in well lit parts of the house, they just come out looking horrible. Plus my hair looks barely hip bone length and shorter than in pictures taken in November. It should be tailbone, just feels like it's getting shorter. Perhaps the camera's lying. I hope so.:shrug:

Anyone have any constructive criticism. Is she just being a bitch or is there some truth to her comments?
http://img641.imageshack.us/img641/8461/dscf4214.jpghttp://img15.imageshack.us/img15/392/dscf4210m.jpg
http://img121.imageshack.us/img121/752/08032010810.jpghttp://img535.imageshack.us/img535/8900/08032010801.jpg

[Madame J]

Wow. What a [insert nasty word here]. Honestly, if you think you need to cut rather than trim out damage as it grows, that's your choice, but don't doubt yourself because some jerk decided to show off what a jerk she is to you.

Response to uber-*****: "Well, I'd rather have boring hair than a tiresome personality."

[AmericanWoman]

There's nothing wrong with the way your hair looks. Word of advice from an old woman: never give creedance to things that rude people say. They're usually looking out to make someone feel bad, it makes them feel good.

[melrose1985]

Blah... dont take it to heart! I can see the red in your hair, and i think the color looks great. I love your length too, and it doesnt look damaged to me.

I was watching Mean Girls over the weekend and this girl reminds me of Regina George. Some people like to pick on others, and some my not even realize what they are saying...

Sorry you had to deal with that.

[Calista]

I think you have lovely hair, and it looks solid tailbone length to me.

[Luckysock]

Ignore her - your hair looks great! and its only going to get better with good care. The colour is definitely auburn, and lovely - she is being a douchebag ;)

She sounds like a miserable little thing who just needs to back-handedly put people down to feel good about herself. Gross.

[BelleBot]

Thanks guys.:) Just having a bad time of things, so her comments were the last thing I needed.
It's hard enough having to move from vivid pink hair to a more natural colour. Especially as I've gone cone free so the dye damage is more noticeable. Feels like someone's chopped a limb off now it's no longer bright pink. I'll gradually build up to a more reddish colour with henna, but I know my hair needs rest.

I know I shouldn't have taken her comments to heart, her hair is a mess from bad dye jobs, so who's she to talk. Still makes me feel rubbish though, as previously I was feeling quite good about my hair. Self esteem is a fragile thing unfortunately.

[alwayssmiling]

It looks in great condition to me! The colour looks the same as mine and I have had loads of compliments. Don't take on other peoples issues. They could be a thousand reasons why she said what she said, but its not your problem whatever her motivation. I suspect she has her own agenda. I envy your length....:)

[Rennire]

I'm totaly jealous of your hair, it's beautiful! Please don't listen to that girl =(

[elianne]

Response to uber-*****: "Well, I'd rather have boring hair than a tiresome personality."

Hehe, right on! :D

And BelleBot, totally ignore her... your hair is so pretty! Look at that shine in the third picture! <hugs> Your hair is gorgeous, and it makes you happy... so don't let anyone get you down. :) :flower:

[2peasinapod]

Your hair looks great! The ends really don't look bad to me, and I love your color! Please don't take any of that girl's comments to heart!

[LaBelleVita]

No! don't take that comment to heart. Your hair is beautiful- no lie!

[GoddesJourney]

It looks like you have reddish tailbone length hair to me. I think she can suck it. I'm not going to say that rude things like this have never come out of my mouth but I surely deserved a good slapping for it. It sounds like she makes a habit out of needing a good slapping. Even if it were true, which it isn't, I highly doubt she would be saying that to you in that way to help you out. If you were close friends and she sat down calmly to tell you that, it would be completely different. Let her be the way she is. There's nothing you can do about that. If it bothers you a lot, tell her you like your hair/shoes/work/jokes/whatever it is that day. You're having fun with your life, being a fun person and doing what makes her happy. Buy her a self help book about the value of being nice. I'm sure there are plenty. She'll probably get all huffy but she might actually read it (when no one is looking) and learn something. Also, it will probably take some of the fun out of cutting you down because she knows you can see that she needs help. Maybe one day she'll turn into someone people actually like.

[sarah061]

Your hair looks absolutely gorgeous! I don't think there's a shred of truth in anything that she said. It seems some people can only feel good about themselves by bringing everyone else down and handle jealousy by making people feel insecure about themselves. It sounds to me like she's really jealous of your beautiful long hair, that's why she wants you to "chop" it off. It always sucks when people are mean :( I still just don't get how people can live their lives with attitudes like that; they must be supremely unhappy people. You have the hair of a goddess and I know I'm not the only one who prays someday their hair can look like yours :) Don't worry about her!

[phistash]

I second the advice to ignore her. In fact, if I were you, I would not even bother with pleasantries, since she obviously uses them as an opportunity to berate you. I mean, why talk to someone like that? Cut her off completely. She is saying these things to you on purpose to upset you, so the best response is to not be bothered in the least. Maybe you should spend your next studio session petting your hair, staring into space while combing your locks, looking in the mirror like your reflection is the most intriguing thing ever, and generally acting like you are awesome, and see how she reacts. :D

[pinklemonade]

Your hair is so beautiful! Is this girl at school blind? You know what else she is? JEALOUS. Some people can't stand to see other people with better qualities than them, and they love to bring other people down in order to feel better.

Like I said your hair is lovely, I love the length, the color, everything about it! Hope to grow mine as long as yours! How long did it take you to grow it? It looks really healthy too, how do you keep it in such good shape?? I'm curious!!!:) I see you don't use cones & sulfates, I've started that too....

[BlackfootHair]

Your hair color is far from boring! I know from personal experience that when growing out layers hair can start looking a little less than in perfect condition because the hair is all different lengths and the layers loose their shape. I recently had my hair trimmed about half an inch on the ends with the layers just touched up, and it made a world of difference.

What a ridiculous twit. Tell her in a demeaning authoritive tone, "That's not very nice." (Kind of like a teacher would say to a 6 year old.) lol

[oceanwoman111]

You're adorable!!! You have a beautiful face and maybe it annoys her that you have beautiful hair too!!! Some girlfriends can be your worst enemy because you wouldn't take to heart something mean if a stranger said it to you. Be on guard, if there is some one who is in your life and they don't contribute to your well being and confidence, there's no point in having them around. Who need enemies, with friends like that! :demon:

As for the brown being boring comment, she's crazy!!! Dark hair is mysterious and exotic! Your hair is still very vibrant. It has tons of red tones. I love your length and your hair looks very healthy!!! Summer's coming and she knows you're an eye catcher! She just wanted to rain on your parade :flowers:

[oceanwoman111]

I second the advice to ignore her. In fact, if I were you, I would not even bother with pleasantries, since she obviously uses them as an opportunity to berate you. I mean, why talk to someone like that? Cut her off completely. She is saying these things to you on purpose to upset you, so the best response is to not be bothered in the least. Maybe you should spend your next studio session petting your hair, staring into space while combing your locks, looking in the mirror like your reflection is the most intriguing thing ever, and generally acting like you are awesome, and see how she reacts. :D

Love that idea!!!!!

[La Luna]

Wow. What a [insert nasty word here].
Response to uber-*****: "Well, I'd rather have boring hair than a tiresome personality."
I totally agree with Madame J - that was my first reaction while reading your post. Don't pay any attention to what she is saying, she's just jealous! Your hair is lovely, so shiny and beautiful, and the colour is great! And next time she says anything similar you know what to say ;)

[frodolaughs]

Don't waste your time trying to show this girl that she's mistaken in her opinion of your hair--you don't need to show her its subtle color or its length or anything else. That will only give her more ammunition because she'll see that your hair matters to you and that she can get to you through your hair. You can be bigger than her by just ignoring her and going on about your business. THAT should put her in her place!

[Toadstool]

Never before have I believed the "She's just jealous" explanation for others' rudeness...
Until now.
Your hair is absolutely beautiful.

[myrrhmaiden]

Not all nasty comments are rooted in jealousy. BUT, I think this sounds like jealousy. If I were you, I would have simply tossed my hair like a shampoo commercial and laughed. Don't let her have the satisfaction. You're gorgeous. I bet it just eats her heart out.

[Suszi]

I love your hair, and I'm not just saying that to be nice. She's jealous, I can't think of another explanation...

[rach]

she's taking utter :poop: from what i can see there. you have beautiful hair :crush:

[ruffian]

I honestly think your hair is lovely. :flower: It looks very similar to mine, 'cept mine's blackish. She's probably insecure about her own hair/looks/whatever and instead of working on her own issues just tries to make others feel bad.
I've had something like this happen to me before, this chick was always making backhanded comments on about my hair, telling me that my hair was damaged and looked bad - and saying over and over that I'd look better if I chopped it all off and got a real short hairdo (yeah, right!). I never paid much attention to her, thank God, but I did chuckle a little when I found out through a mutual accquaintance that she admitted being jealous of my hair - apparently something to do with some innocent comment her boyfriend (who's never met or seen me) made about maybe she should grow her hair longer. Pretty pathetic, if you ask me.
Don't let anybody shake your confidence. The only opinion that matters is your own!

[florenonite]

I know I shouldn't have taken her comments to heart, her hair is a mess from bad dye jobs, so who's she to talk. Still makes me feel rubbish though, as previously I was feeling quite good about my hair. Self esteem is a fragile thing unfortunately.

I know people always pull out the "Oh, she's just jealous" argument when it's not true, but in this case it does truly sound like envy. Your hair's in beautiful condition, particularly considering the bleaching and dyeing it's been through, and she wishes her hair were in the same condition, no doubt. Perhaps she even wants hair as long as yours but it won't grow that far :shrug:

I wouldn't talk to her unless she talks to you first, and even then keep it to a bare minimum. She's a bully, plain and simple, and bullies relish in the power they have over others, so don't let her see that she's hurt you, or it'll just provoke her.

[minuteofdecay]

The good thing about this site is that you WILL get constructive criticism. Honestly, though, I don't have any because I think your hair looks great! She was definitely being a bitch, and clearly has something against you.

[chargersfan]

What a crock, your hair is gorgeous, it really is. Don't pay attention to that weirdo.

[shadowclaw]

I think your hair is a lovely shade of brown! It's definitely on the auburn side and I think it looks great! If you ever feel poorly about the condition of your hair or get upset that your hair doesn't look as smooth and shiny as some of the folks on here (I get that feeling a lot!), just go for stroll in a public place, like a mall or something. You'll see lots of people with hair only a few inches long with much worse damage that your tailbone-length hair!

As for that girl, just try to ignore her comments and continue being pleasant towards her. It's easier said than done, but in truth, nasty people can't stand it when someone they insult turns around and acts sweet as pie towards them. Of course, you can feel free to toss out some witty comments, like others have suggested.

[Ravenne]

It amazes me how some people think that it is in any way okay to say things like that, regardless of whether they honestly believe it. Honesty without tact is still rude. However, I don't believe she was speaking honestly anyway. :) Your hair is beautiful! She must be colorblind or something, because I would never call your hair color boring. Vibrant is the word I would probably use. And it looks like it's in great condition. Pay her no nevermind. :grouphug:

[minkstole]

It´s always uncomfortable get comments like that. Your hair looks fine, but you already knew that;)
My advice:
If she´s someone you can´t afford to get into a fight with - one of your friends friend maybe? - play nice and take the highroad. This way her comments will stand alone and make her look kind of sad in the long run.
If not being friendly is ok, tell her she looks boring and dated. It´s poison to this kind of person.
Chin up!

[CuddlyChicken]

Tell me where you live so I can a) come and kick that girls butt and b) comb and braid your hair, it is so lovely. I'm seriously jealous!!

[cellardoor]

Aww I'm sorry to hear this! First off your hair is definitely not brown and secondly she's probably just jealous. Lots of people make mean comments about things they truly wish they had, maybe she wishes her was as long as yours. Also from your pictures I would say your hair looks like it is pretty healthy! Don't let her mean comments get you down! :)

[adiapalic]

Clearly she's lying, because your hair is so obviously gorgeous. It's not even a dull brown--but as you said, rich with hues of red. :flower:

[aef231]

Well, first of all, I think this girl is a ridiculous ninny. Your hair is lovely. I would, however, like to defend "boring" browns. Why is brown hair seen by so many as boring and undesirable? Just because a color isn't vibrant, doesn't mean it isn't beautiful :p

[restourceful]

This is the first time I've seen your photos since you changed your color. I remember looking at your hair photos when you said you had to change it, when it was pink, and it totally rocked.:rockerdudTo me, it is just as beautiful now! You've got solid tailbone length as far as I can see and it looks so shiny and thick. The color looks great on you and you are really beautiful! Don't listen to someone who's trying to make herself feel better by making you feel bad. Your hair is not the issue. Her bad attitude is.

People outside of LHC don't always have the same appreciation of hair that our family here has. Trust that we will always speak truth about your hair since we are coming from a common place of wanting long, healthy hair. She was commenting from a place of ignorance and jealousy, as others have said. Just disregard her statements and be proud of how great your hair looks! You still rock!:D

[little_acorn]

Please ignore her, your hair is a lovely colour, a good tailbone length and is glossy.

[Dimitri'sMom]

It sounds like she's jealous; you're a pretty girl and she probably just can't think of anything nice or normal to talk about. Also, some people see long hair and think it must be damaged just because it's long. I'm thinking of all the reality shows that I, ahem, NEVER watch where the woman with long hair is almost always made to chop her hair off in the makeover climax of the show.

[Melisande]

I'm not usually one of the "it's only envy"-fraction. Not everybody is envious of long hair or jealous of the attention it gets. Buuuut in your case... you look so lovely that probably the last thing this young lady needs is an addition of a) great hair and b) growing self confidence on your part based on your general gorgeousness and your great hair. So she tries to shoot both in one shot - make you feel crap and make you want to cut.

I agree with the others who said you should have reacted in a way that shows how much she overstepped the boundaries of polite behaviour. And concerning your hair: on the photos, it looks lovely. If there is damage, is not visible.

You know, had a friend told you nicely and in a loving way that your hair looks damaged, unfortunately, and whether you are aware of it, and she doesn't mean to be mean but just honest... THEN I would have been worried. But that kind of bitchy remarks? Let them pass next to the part on which you sit (in German, we have a franker way of expressing it).

Be happy that you look good and that you learn to appreciate yourself. Don't get your nose up into the air, but don't let silly girls push your nose into the mud. Level headed, that's always the best.

And: have pity on her. She must have felt REALLY bad about your looks to lose self control and behave so - hm - bitchily.

[BrightEyes7]

Just ignore her. She is probably insecure and jealous.

I always say, does she matter to you? Why should her opinion matter to you?

If you like your hair, and you should... it is BEAUTIFUL!, then that is all that should matter. You're not trying to please her... you are trying to please yourself and if your hair makes you happy then forget her!:D

[melusine]

Oh wow, how very unkind. I'm sorry you had to go through that.. It sounds like she is very insecure and responding to her insecurity in a really negative way. I hope that you can put her words behind you and distance yourself from her negativity. You hair looks really gorgeous to me, the ends don't look damaged and such beautiful length and colour!

[Peter]

Swing and a miss for her. Your hair is super beautiful, and although I liked the pink, it looks really nice with its current color too. :twocents:

[jesamyn]

I'm also not one who usually answers 'it's just jealousy', but it sounds like that is a valid answer in this case. Your hair is lovely!

[embee]

Well, you said she was "difficult".

Here are some words for you, said with a big smile, directly to her: "Thank you! Always saying sweet things!" Try to remember that so you can say it at once next time she tries to slap you down.

Geez, some folks are just plain rude, and the nasty hair comment is totally uncalled for.

[lesbia]

i love your shape, it's so natural..

[Addy]

Haven't read any comments but yours and me thinks she's a jealous bitch. :D

You know, I could say a few more things but that'd probably get me in trouble so... I better not. :whistle:

I will say though that your hair looks amazing so don't worry about it okay! :)

[chopandchange]

I just cannot believe anyone would be so rude.

Since your hair looks beautiful judging by your pics, there are only two possibilities:

1. Due to her non-LHC mindset, that is her honest opinion of your hair (maybe she sees your natural taper and thinks you have split ends) but she does not know how to be tactful and convey her (unsolicited) opinion in a less blunt manner, or

2. What she said is not her actual opinion of your hair, and she just deliberately said those things to hurt you.

Either way, she does not seem like a very nice person at all. I wouldn't worry about what she says. If you like your hair, then what business is it of hers?

[IndigoAsh]

she sounds jealous... as she should be. You're gorgeous.

[Almandine]

Man, I think your hair is lovely... I've always liked a deep reddish-brown like that. Don't pay any attention to spiteful jerks such as her. I got a lot of flack in middle and high school for my hair, so I know how it goes, but their opinions are worthless when all they're doing is trying to hurt you.

[kittensoupnrice]

Perhaps she doesn't know about fairytale ends?

I know a number of people who cannot stand fairytale ends. They think fairy ends are ends that look draggled, uneven, and damaged.

However, I think that your hair color/length/health of your hair is quite nice. Lovely shine and highlights, too. Everybody has different opinions, so you just have to stick with your own.

Happy growing!

[curlylocks85]

Never mind what that girl had to say; if she is always this way then what she said to you was not because of you; it was becuase of her own personality.

I must say your hair looks like it is at TBL to me. You look as though you have a couple of inches to grow and you will be about Classic!

I can see the layers in your hair and it does not look damaged; it looks as though you are growing out layers.

Do not pay any attention to her, just keep doing what you are doing, and always come to us for support and kindness.

[BranwenWolf]

Ignore her. It sounds like she has self-esteem problems, I've run into more than a few of those who feel the need to put others down.

Your hair looks lovely and I LOVE the color. :D

[Merkaba]

She's just jealous of your fine hair and nice figure. Don't give her a second thought!

[linda g]

Well, that was nasty. I have no idea why someone would do that.

Anyway, from your pictures, I would say:
1. Your color is lovely, not boring at all.
2. The condition looks fine to me.

Was she attached to the idea of you having pink hair or something? If she hadn't followed up with all the "damage" comments, I might have thought she was awkwardly trying to express that she missed your pink hair...

[jexichan]

While reading this post, it is no coincidence that "32 Flavors" by Ani DiFranco began to play in my head: "...cause everyone harbors a secret hatred/for the prettiest girl in the room"

You sound like a sweet person and I'm sorry that you had to deal with her verbal poo-flinging. :)

[sherigayle]

That girl is clearly insane. I think your hair looks fine. It may need a little extra babying from the color, but I doubt that anyone other than you would really notice that type of thing. We always seem to find something wrong with our own hair that no one else can really see.

[BelleBot]

Thank you so much guys, you've all been such sweethearts. This has made me feel much better. Some great replies as well, I'll keep the various one liners in mind.:grouphug:

I've given up trying to be friends with her in first year, this is now 3rd year, but she will still insist on coming over to talk to me, so I can't really avoid her unless I can time my trips to uni so they don't coincide with her visits. But that's not that easy. I'm a nice person, so I always do my best to be polite and friendly when she talks to me, compliment her etc. Just seems a waste.
Plus I need to keep relatively on her good side, I snapped last year (verbally) and thought she was going to launch for me. This girl is nearly 3 times my weight, I'd have been crushed. So a good slap isn't an option.shudder:


I guess part of the problem is I'm doing an art degree, so everyone's work is very visible. So anything she can pick at, she will. I expect people to be rude with comments about my art as it's a competitive environment, I'm used to it. Just the hair comment really hit a nerve.

Thanks again, you're all awesome!:flower:

[Twil]

*examines pictures* Nope, she's just a skank

[MissMandyElizab]

She sounds like a nasty *&%# of work!!!!I would have looked at her and said well what are you going to do about your (insert anything) its not nice but it makes people think twice about putting there two cents in when they are so rude and mean.

[Rhiannon7]

your hair looks great. it's a beautiful color and you have nothing to feel bad about. she's just being ( insert a very bad word here ) she demands attention as you said, so this type of person will never be nice no matter how good you look. believe me, your hair is nice, i love the color and it does look TBL to me. you might just be having a tiny stall of growth. as people say here it's your decision what you do with your hair. if you need to cut do so, but DO NOT allow a horrible wh*** to make you feel bad.

I got the same comment at work on saturday, a co-worker walked past my cubicle and screeched loudly, saying (my eyes hurt! your hair is so bright it's surely artificial, why do you wear a wig? it's such a horrible color!) i turned around and saw others looking at us and smiled, stood up and told her that my hair was natural, and if she didn't like it she should stop walking out of her way by my cubicle and start working. then sat down and continued to work. she said loudly a very bad word to me and i stood again and chuckled, told her, **awww, you really are pi*** about being dumped by your fiance only 1 month before your wedding don't you? he did make you feel like sh*** forcing you to cut and color your hair to make you feel so ugly you just have to get even with those who have nice, shiny and soft hair. why don't you go to a spa, it'll help you feel better about yourself. ** i then took a break. Yes i was a terrible bi*** but she started and i really was feeling sick at the time. but well, she deserved it.

So don't feel bad, you have beautiful hair, i wish i had your length and thickness and the color is very beautiful. so do not allow other people to hurt you or make you feel less, it's the kind of thing diva type people do when they are jealous of someone more beautiful and nicer than they are.

as Eleonor Roosevelt said, **people cannot make you feel bad without your consent.** just ignore her and keep doing what your doing with your hair, it's working.

[TheLuckyLurker]

@ Rhiannon7: Rock on, sister.

To the OP: I usually roll my eyes when people start with the 'she's just jealous' comments, but in this case I think it's true. Judgmental, an attention w*ore, and (tellingly) three times your weight? Definitely jealous. And so am I; you have lovely hair.

[nowxisxforever]

Pffff.

Your hair looks beautiful! Certainly in better condition than mine, IMO! Keep rockin' it, don't listen to her.

[LisaButz2001]

The color is NOT dull and boring! Why did you get rid of the pink? As to the length, that's a personal preference, just because I like a blunt hemline, doesn't not mean all other women have damaged hair, since it's different lengths.

[Carolyn]

Geeze. What a rude, small minded person. Practice some of the come backs posted here just in case you want to zing her back the next time. Otherwise just smile and ignore her. Life is too short to let a nasty ass bitch like her make you feel bad.

[Beets]

Bellebot, she has some of her own stuff to work out. It's not your stuff. It's her stuff. A good friend of mine has an expression for what she does in situations like that, and it is to "go flat," deflecting all that negativity, holding your own peaceful, happy place, and giving the other person nothing to work with.

And I know you're upset at her, but I thought the comment about her being 3 times your weight and thus likely to "crush" you was a low blow.


Judgmental, an attention w*ore, and (tellingly) three times your weight? Definitely jealous. And so am I; you have lovely hair.

Wow, this is SO offensive. Again, what this other student did wasn't kind. But someone being fat doesn't "tell" anyone else that they are more likely to be jealous of someone who doesn't look like them. That's bigotry.

[BelleBot]

I had to get rid of the pink as I'm starting a nursing degree in September. It went in January for the interviews. I'm sad to see it go, though at least I no longer have hair that bleeds pink everywhere. I might go back to using the pink to tone my hair over the summer before I start, though no pre lightening this time. That's what caused the damage last time, plus the chocolate semi I used to kill the pink.

I'm very much babying my hair right now.

[TheLuckyLurker]

Well, maybe I should have phrased it differently. I was speaking from personal experience on that: being a pretty big girl myself, I've sometimes felt that kind of resentment towards others, even though I kept it to myself. And it adds more credence to the "everyone secretly hates the prettiest girl in the room" theory. Although it might be more like "she secretly hates the girl that's (in her mind) prettier than HER". I didn't intend to offend anyone; sorry.

[BelleBot]

Bellebot, she has some of her own stuff to work out. It's not your stuff. It's her stuff. A good friend of mine has an expression for what she does in situations like that, and it is to "go flat," deflecting all that negativity, holding your own peaceful, happy place, and giving the other person nothing to work with.

And I know you're upset at her, but I thought the comment about her being 3 times your weight and thus likely to "crush" you was a low blow.



Wow, this is SO offensive. Again, what this other student did wasn't kind. But someone being fat doesn't "tell" anyone else that they are more likely to be jealous of someone who doesn't look like them. That's bigotry.

I've never mentioned her weight to her or made any comments like I have here. And it's more a statement of fact than anything else, I know I would lose in a fight as she has the advantage. I'm always pleasant to her, even today. I just did my best to smile and left before she could make any more comments.

Whether her weight has anything to do with jealously I have no idea, she seems content with her weight, though I know it causes her a lot of health problems. But then again I have my fair share of health problems. I think it's more just her general attitude than issues over size that causes her to be nasty.

I think I'm just an easy target.

[spidermom]

I think the beauty of your hair would be enhanced with a trim perhaps, but I don't see major damage. As has been said, some people feel good when they can make somebody else feel bad. Thwart her evil plan; don't let it get you down.

[BelleBot]

Thanks :) I appreciate the feedback.
Yeh I do plan to trim soon. It needs a tidy up, plus it'll look a bit thicker and healthier if I take a bit off the taper. I just keep putting it off as my longest ends aren't split and nasty oddly enough, it's mainly the layers that are full of splits. I've promised myself I'll trim before April 21st. At the moment I'm just sticking with S&D till I pluck up the courage.:p

[MsBubbles]

She's usually very bitchy about anyone who might steal the spotlight from her.

I think you said it all here! End of story!

You and your hair are beautiful. She is nothing.

[Aero]

Lol, she is so jealous of you.

[Anje]

Even if there were truth to her comments (and there isn't -- your hair is beautiful!), she's still acting like a bitch.

[Cirafly24]

Wow, she said your hair was boring and in terrible condition? Either she's blind, or she's just jealous of you. She probably thinks your hair is way prettier than hers, and she wishes you would cut it so she wouldn't feel so bad about herself.

What a bitch! Your hair is lovely.

[autumnsdaughter]

If it's any consolation, I would LOVE my hair to be as long and lovely as yours is! I also really like the color- pretty, interesting, and striking. It reads as reddish brown to me.

[JaclynBailey]

I think your hair looks beautiful. It sounds to me like this girl has self esteem issues and feels the need to rip on others to feel superior. Dont let her get you down. People like that are best ignored.

[Maelyssa]

I can't believe she dared call your color dull & boring...is she color blind?!?
Your color is down right enviable & sexy!
Ignore her...she just wants to spread misery.

:D

[little_cherry]

I think your hair is absolutely gorgeous! Honestly, I think she said that because she's jealous. :)

[sneakybea]

I think your hair is lovely, especially the color. Sounds like this girl has issues, and just wanted to make you feel bad. It reflects badly on her, not you.

[walterSCAN]

Geeze. What a rude, small minded person. Practice some of the come backs posted here just in case you want to zing her back the next time. Otherwise just smile and ignore her. Life is too short to let a nasty ass bitch like her make you feel bad.


This^.

Also, if you are interested in my advice, in a situation like this I would do one of two things:

(both with the aim of letting her know how terrifically juvenile she is being without having to be overtly rude or having to try to be pleasant to her-- I consider both of these responses to be neutral, but I'm sure someone else might disagree.)

1. Put on my work-face (I work in a residential juvenile treatment facility... and deal with screaming, shouting, cussing 12-18 year-olds who believe it's ok to break things/ rip things off walls/ piss in the corner/ throw chairs/ etc. when they get upset over something... which may be as little as being asked to take a moment of silence before dinner... it's something you have to develop. :wink:) and just stare the girl down as soon as she comes out with one of her comments-- do not respond in any other way-- and then go back to whatever I was doing before she walked up. This one may not be an option for you-- it's rather speciallized :wink:

2. Let her finish, not having said anything during her comment, and look at her calmly and say, "Could you do me a favor? Please don't talk to me anymore." And then do not acknowledge her presence again.

With regard to being afraid of her physically, if she wants to get physical in response to either of those things, personally, I would let her. I would defend myself to the best of my ability but never strike back and then have a nice, legal excuse to never need to be near her again. :)

Clearly, it's all up to you, but if it were me, it would be worth it to not have to deal with her anymore.

[sarahbrownie]

I'm not going to repeat 9 pages of advice but I have to say: I think your hair is GORGEOUS! Oh my gosh, to die for! Beautiful length and thickness and the color is fantastic.

[invisiblebabe]

Your hair isn't brown :) It's a chestnut auburn color.

I do see the taper, and if it were my hair I would trim it to waist. But it's not my hair :) and perhaps you like fairytale ends (I do not like them on myself). It doesn't look damaged, though.

[KnittingDragon]

Wow. . . First Post here.

Your hair is unbelievably beautiful. I will say that I jealous of your color and length.
I think that so many people focus on the more more extreme natural colors as being beautiful (red, Blond, Blue black) that they don't see the loveliness of browns in all its shades.

I love the idea of telling her not to talk to you. You may have to continue to say it more than once but as long as you keep with it I am sure it will work.

Oh, and about her size, it is always wise to know how others will react and knowing that if it did get physical that you would be outclassed.

[Lady Mary]

First of all, your hair is a very nice color. Second, it's not damage looking at all. Lastly, that girl is a b*tch :mad: Sorry, but anyone who would be so nasty without purpose, that's all I can think of them.

Don't let is get to you, whatever her crazy agenda is, just ignore her. :flower: Just say things back like "Your opinion was not requested."

[pennyroyal]

she's probably just jealous of your gorgeous hair! the color is awesome & it looks quite healthy to me! i am envious like many of the others on here & she obviously is too but instead of positive comments like ours she is being a b****h about it. it has more to do with her own insecurities than anything.

[IcarusBride]

Wow what a horrible person! She obviously has some issues with herself! But it's not okay to let her put you down just because of that. Accepting the cruel things she says without fighting back doesn't make you nice, it makes you a victim. I have a lot of victim with "passive bullying" like this and this is what I've learned: if you let them get away with it, you are setting the precident of being their 'whipping boy'. Sorry if my advice sounds a bit harsh but you definitely need to stand up for yourself! Your hair is gorgeous and you seem like a really wonderful person. Don't let petty immature bullies make you doubt yourself!

[xoxophelia]

I agree a small chop would help spruce it up but I am doing the same as you. It might *help* but I am waiting it out.

I think if you want to bring out the color a little bit you could wear some light green to make the redness pop. Might just give you a little pick me up..

I am surprised she was that bold. You should have straight up said she is blind and needs to go take a look in the mirror at her own hair.. XD

[anemix1005]

Believe me, I'd love to have your hair, is so long, shiny and beautiful :D! Don't think what she says is true, I suffered from being (*bullied?* is that the word?) from a girl since 1st grade of elementary school until I graduated from junior high *9 years !* she told me awful things everyday and also some of my classmates ended on her side, however, I used to ignore her because I got tired of feeling bad because of her :p it just wasn't worth it. and it was until I started highschool that a friend of her told me that all those years of beig bad with me, were just because we had the same name and she was kind of jealous when I started school with her.

**Conclusion:
Some stupid people love making you feel bad using any stupid reason as an excuse :D

Don't worry, Be Happy :D:cheese:

[mizk5110]

Huh. And here I was looking at your pictures thinking "Darken that color a notch and that's EXACTLY how I wish my hair looked right now".

But apparently your hair is too damaged and dull for me to wish for it.

Silly me.

:P

(It's gorgeous darlin', don't listen to her!!)

[Svenja]

I sometimes wonder why people cannot keep their opinions to themselves. And if they feel the urge to comment on somebody's hair they should be a bit more subtle!
Jeeeeezaz, is it so hard to avoid offense and be a bit more polite about certain things?

You've got lovely hair with a lovely colour, don't let such a [insert nasty word here] put you down. Her upbringing did obviously NOT include manners.

[Cherry_Sprinkle]

don't let her have any influence on your opinion of yourself! I am willing to bet that shes jealous of your hair and is trying to make you feel bad because you have something she secretly covets.

[hanne jensen]

Your hair color is beautiful. You are a solid tailbone length. As for this nasty person, try to ignore her. Maybe she is jealous of your beautiful hair?

You asked for positive criticism. The only thing I would do if I had your gorgeous hair is micro-trim about every 8 weeks.

If you feel that your hair is damaged, please check out Nightshade's article on growing out damaged hair. It's in the article section under haircare. There's a wealth of information that is very helpful. Please, don't chop because of some jealous nasty little twit!

[lilravendark]

sounds like shes just a bitch tell her where she can go, life is too short to deal with crappy people your hair isn't damaged by the looks of it very beautiful actually shes probably threatened, the stupid girl :P

[Kalyca]

ugh that's so mean!:mad:

i think your hair is VERY pretty. if anything she's probably just jealous. -.- don't let her get you down.:flowers:

[BelleBot]

Thanks again guys, you're all super. :happydance:

And thanks for the advice. I think I will trim it soon. Probably just a microtrim, or perhaps an inch or two to take it back to hipbone and take off the taper and fairytale ends. It'll no doubt be a 2 part trim to see how I feel.

Being bullied at 22 seems worse than being bullied at 12. I think I bounced more back then. :bounce: Ah well, I'll carry on being me, it always annoys them/her. There's no way in hell I'm changing or taking her advice, she'll only find something else to be nasty about.

[myrrhmaiden]

Ah well, I'll carry on being me, it always annoys them/her. There's no way in hell I'm changing or taking her advice, she'll only find something else to be nasty about.

Yep. Just keep being your sweet self. It's obviously the best way to get to her. ;) heheh

[Nae]

Just think, soon you will be graduated and not likely to see her ever again and at that point you will still have the wonderfully lovely hair that makes you happy!! Keep looking forward and truckin' along Bellebot. Like water off a duck's back, let it just roll off...........:meditate:

[Svenja]

When you see her next time, observe her. You are pretty, is she? You've gorgeous hair, does she? I bet she's only jealous.

[Bonkers57]

I agree! BelleBot, your hair is lovely. So healthy and shiny (and I like the red bits!)

I'd probably have answered her with a clever comeback like, "Shut up" or "Bite me" lol!! (not very clever at all) :p



Hehe, right on! :D

And BelleBot, totally ignore her... your hair is so pretty! Look at that shine in the third picture! <hugs> Your hair is gorgeous, and it makes you happy... so don't let anyone get you down. :) :flower:

[Yarn Muse]

You are a beautiful girl with lovely hair. Don't let the crazy people like her get you down. She obviously has some issues of her own...it's not you, it's HER.

I would not let her see that she upsets you. I'd only smile sweetly, maybe look amused...or perhaps say very pleasantly, "Why, thank you!" And then ignore her. Don't stoop to her level by saying something nasty in return. Then she knows she's gotten to you.

[Xandergrammy]

Honey, your hair is beautiful. Don't listen to that nasty thing.

[longhairdream]

Wow I wish I had that length ! You're hair looks in pretty good condition ! Just ignore her unwelcome comments - as if they never even existed - its your hair and you know best about it ! And hey, just looked into your profile - you're a singer ? What kind of songs do you sing ? I'm a singer too - I sing regional Indian songs mostly, but also a bit of English songs :)

[LaurelSpring]

She's probably just jealous. Your hair looks awesome.

[JamieLeigh]

Obviously that girl has issues, and I agree - never give her the satisfaction of seeing she's gotten to you. Your hair is gorgeous, see? All the hair EXPERTS here have said so!! :flower:

I don't think I could have stopped myself though. I'm waaaaaaay too ready with snarky comebacks to have kept my mouth shut. ;)

[BelleBot]

Wow I wish I had that length ! You're hair looks in pretty good condition ! Just ignore her unwelcome comments - as if they never even existed - its your hair and you know best about it ! And hey, just looked into your profile - you're a singer ? What kind of songs do you sing ? I'm a singer too - I sing regional Indian songs mostly, but also a bit of English songs :)


Mostly musicals at the moment :p I've sung loads of different stuff, I used to be worship leader at my local church, though not any more, my beliefs have changed somewhat. Since then a mixture of contemporary songs, older stuff, some verging on light opera, and lots of musical numbers! I'm currently playing Grace Farrell in the musical Annie, so that's mainly what I'm singing at the moment.

[rchorr]

Ok, I think she's just being a witch ... and I'm a bad speller :twisted: hee, hee. You're hair is shiney in your pics.

RCHORR'

[sugarpixie10988]

Before I even read your post I scrolled down to look at the pictures and thought what a pretty hair color you have! I wish I had that color :) . You've got beautiful hair, I don't see anything wrong with it at all. She probably figures that your hair is important to you which is why she insulted it, or she's just jealous. Whatever the reason is, don't let it bug you!

[Blueneko]

She is being a B. Your colour is awesome and the shine is amazing.

It might be the reverse psychology of hoping you will alter your hair in some way so it looks bad, like when girlfriends encourage one another to get a drastic (and often tragic) short cut.

She sounds mean. Ignore her. If she approaches you again just tell her 100 of your friends online said she is a brain donor.

[cupcakes]

It looks like your camera was pretty expensive. With such an investment, maybe getting a tripod is a good idea. That way you can use the timer setting and shoot in sunlight or open shade and do away with the mirror thing.
Hair-wise I think it looks fine. People who think brown hair is gross probably have a complex about their own natural hair color (or are conceited).

[vindo]

Your hair looks great! Don't believe a single word she said!
(also brown is not boring)
You have a very pretty reddish/auburn hair color, your hair is in a great condition and I love the soft V-Shape. She must have been boiling with envy to burst out all those comments...it really sounds like she just could not hold it anymore.

I'm being dead serious about this, I'm that kind of LHCer - if I don't like someones hair, I don't say anything. :flower:

What does her hair look like anyway? That would realy interest me..:lol:

[Juliannaissance]

I don't think your hair looks damaged at all :) ..it actually looks soft in that lighting. Don't listen to that girl, she's just being snotty and rude! How does her hair look like anyway?

[Juliannaissance]

lol I just noticed that Emichiee asked the same thing..

[Star Eagle]

Bellebot,
Who knows why she said what she did.... I know it hurt you... just let it go... you have beautiful hair and its a wonderful color...
From now on when you see her just smile and walk on... be who you are a beautiful being....

[kevala]

Your hair looks quite glossy and healthy in the photos, and I really like the color. I've dyed my hair only once in my life, and I chose a deep auburn color...I think it's a wonderful rich color, classic without being everyday.

In these days of rapidly changing silly-looking cut/style/color trends, it's a little rebellious to keep long, natural, healthy hair, and some people get weird about it.

Art school can be cutthroat and stressful, and perhaps she was just trying to mess with you or find a way to take out her frustration on someone else. But whatever the motivation, her comments were BS, and even more ridiculous coming from someone with hair that's been damaged by awful dye jobs! Perhaps she's one of those people who will screw up her locks with some super-damaging cut or color just because she thinks it's the 'in' thing to do, and she's annoyed by people with real hair.

[GlassEyes]

I know dyed and fried hair--even if it looks good in pictures, you can still usually tell a bit, or at least I can.

Your hair doesn't look that way. :shrug: It looks quite nice, honestly. Nothing like my hair after I dyed it one-too many times. Though I'm sad you're not pink anymore. ): Was it for a work related reason?

[Sisko]

It makes me doubt my own opinion of my hair. Maybe she's being truthful and just everyone else has said nice things to try and cheer me up. :(

Don't be silly. I know we all have those moments sometimes, but to let a nasty someone affect you to this degree? Nuh-uh. Unless you're particularly close with this person, know that they are trustworthy and tell the truth in a very direct manner, you have no reason to believe her. Just look at the amount of support you've received on this thread.

Brown, dull? I think not. That said, your hair is more red than brown to my eyes - auburn. It's a lovely shade.

I've had my share of run-ins with fine art students, and that is all I have to say on that. What a competitive field it must be. She obviously sees you as competition, in some form or other, and wants to level the playing field by making you doubt yourself. Self-doubt, at its worst, isn't pretty, as she has demonstrated. She's picking on your hair because it's obvious that you care for it.

[RavennaNight]

From looking at those pictures, your hair doesn't look bad at all. It seems to me this girl likes to push buttons.

[Bene]

Bellebot,
Who knows why she said what she did.... I know it hurt you... just let it go... you have beautiful hair and its a wonderful color...
From now on when you see her just smile and walk on... be who you are a beautiful being....

^^^^

Yeah, what she said.


Also, in the future, don't take your hair down for her benefit. You have nothing to prove. Let her run off at the mouth and say whatever she wants, because in the end, it's only you who has to be content with your hair. You have set goals for what you want your hair to look like, and you're working on getting there.

[restourceful]

^^^^

Yeah, what she said.


Also, in the future, don't take your hair down for her benefit. You have nothing to prove. Let her run off at the mouth and say whatever she wants, because in the end, it's only you who has to be content with your hair. You have set goals for what you want your hair to look like, and you're working on getting there.

I agree wholeheartedly! You need not ever take your hair down for someone else's benefit or to prove anything.

[Chamomile betty]

Your hair is beautiful.

[yellowchariot]

I agree with everyone who says that she is just being an "idiot"! She is no doubt, trying to be rude, so YOU WILL CUT and do something that you will regret.

1. There is nothing "wrong" with your hair or it's color!
2. It's amazing! It looks healthy!
3. This girl is clearly in competition with you, in a negative way.
4. This girl doesn't know what she's talking about (see number 3, people who are jealous/ in competition tend to say ignorant derogatory things!)
5. IMO There is no set colors for hair during ANY season! That's only subconsciously implanted in the mind according to "fashion trends"!

After she was done telling you how bad your hair was, you should have smiled really big and said "OH THANK YOU SO MUCH! I like being different and set apart from the fashion bandwagon, you made my day! Let me if you need hair advice!" ;)

[PaleDale]

As you can clearly see from your third picture, it's a lovely colour. Sounds like a jealous, insecure bitch to me. I know plenty of them, they go out of their way to make people feel bad. I wish my hair was as nice as yours, it looks perfect to me, length and colour-wise. See I can be jealous too, but I don't have to be an ass about it :)

[prairiewoman068]

I went into uni today and bumped into a girl I'm not particularly fond of on my course. She's usually very bitchy about anyone who might steal the spotlight from her. I try and be nice whenever I can, but I feel it's a losing battle. I just want a quiet life so I can work in peace, but she always insists on coming over to my studio space and making comments.

Anyway, today she came over, I said hi and asked how her holiday went. She replied with "Oh G**, you've got brown hair. How dull and boring, it's not even a nice brown." I got rid of the pink early January so I'm not sure why this came as a surprise to her.

So I let my hair down as it was in a lazy wrap to try and show her it wasn't brown but more auburn, and hints of copper and red in the sunlight. To which she said "It's in such terrible condition, you should really leave your hair alone. A good few chops should sort most of it out. But stop dying it every week, it looks terrible."
For a start I have never dyed it every week, in fact it's not been touched in over a month now I think colour wise. :rant: And it can't be in that bad a condition. I know it's not great as the nasty layers have all split, but they're improving and hopefully I'll grow them out.

It makes me doubt my own opinion of my hair. Maybe she's being truthful and just everyone else has said nice things to try and cheer me up. I just want to cry. I'm not having a great time of things as it is. Don't need to feel any more insecure about my hair. :(

Plus when I try to take photos of my hair, due to odd lighting conditions and a lack of decent sized mirrors in well lit parts of the house, they just come out looking horrible. Plus my hair looks barely hip bone length and shorter than in pictures taken in November. It should be tailbone, just feels like it's getting shorter. Perhaps the camera's lying. I hope so.:shrug:

Anyone have any constructive criticism. Is she just being a bitch or is there some truth to her comments?
http://img641.imageshack.us/img641/8461/dscf4214.jpghttp://img15.imageshack.us/img15/392/dscf4210m.jpg
http://img121.imageshack.us/img121/752/08032010810.jpghttp://img535.imageshack.us/img535/8900/08032010801.jpg
I think she's just being catty. Use your own eyes, see your hair as if it was someone else's. What would YOU say to the stranger wearing your hair? I happen to think your hair is a lovely color, and the length, well, I'm jealous, that's how long mine was when I got "chop happy".

[girloctopus]

I've read the whole thread, and she sounds like one of those people who is just a pain in the rear for whatever reason. Just ignore her. She shouldn't make you self-conscious, but I know how much those comments sting, whether or not they have any validity.

I adore your color, anyway. Gorgeous :D

[lynlora]

Anyone have any constructive criticism. Is she just being a bitch or is there some truth to her comments?


Your hair is gorgeous !!!!! Yes,she is just being a bitch.

[Demetrue]

IGNORE her. Don't even talk to her the next time she comes up to you. She reminds me of a girl at my son's high school who actually enjoys thinking up mean things to say to one of the girls whom she is jealous of. She stalks this girl on-line and posts mean spiteful comments to her blog, etc. There are some sick people in the world and I think some of these "mean girls" feel so disempowered in their own lives that they try to make themselves feel powerful by picking on other girls. Emotionally and physically disengage yourself from this person.

[Anisaa]

Your hair is absolutely lovely...I love the color and the length....

[Captain Nikki]

You're nice & slim & you have beautiful, long hair - she must be jealous. I can't wait til my hair is that long! It won't be nice & straight like yours though, unfortunately.

[Sissy]

I think your hair looks fine and I'm not sure why she would have been making those comments. It seems pretty rude for someone to say, especially since they don't really know you on a personal level.

[misstwist]

It makes me doubt my own opinion of my hair. Maybe she's being truthful and just everyone else has said nice things to try and cheer me up. I just want to cry. I'm not having a great time of things as it is. Don't need to feel any more insecure about my hair. :(


I haven't read beyond your op but I'm sure you have had plenty of supportive comments.

I suspect she is one of those queen bee types and what I have quoted was exactly the reaction she was aiming for.

Ignore her. You don't need to go out of your way to be nice to her and if she intrudes into your studio space tell her you can't visit as you have work to do. If she insists, don't be afraid to be direct with her.

I was the usual target of the girl bullies in school because I don't give a flying fig about fitting in. The best ways I found to deal with it was to tell them to eff-off or to laugh at them and treat them as small children or puppies.

Hope you are feeling more cheerful!