I don't want to cut my hair!!!!

[pinklemonade]

My hair is basically out of shape. I know there are so many other posts on not wanting to cut one's hair even though one's hair would need a hair cut.....but I need to complain and vent and....oh heck I want compassion!!!:o Plus it seems as if people in 'real' life don't get it. Know what I mean?? My cousin says ''Just get a cut already, it'll grow back anyways!'' But it took me sooo long to get it to this length, I cannot just cut it all off!!! My hair's length is weird; I have all sorts of layers all over the place because of all the layered/shaggy cuts I've had (I shudder at the thought). The longer layers reach below bra strap, and front-wise, the longer layers are below my boobs. But I have some short layers which barely reach my shoulders at the back of my head.
My hair is quite thick and used to be healthy, but due to past perms/excessive blow drying/hair thinning cuts, it's dry and there are splits/white dots all over. I s&d whenever I can but today I was walking outside and I found those dreaded white dots on the shortest layers...so frustrating!!!
Overall, somebody looking at me might think my hair is actually great, but since I (over)examine it, I know that it's not that healthy. The main issue is this dryness which I can't get rid of, and these white dots which are always there even after s&d.
I wash my hair once a week. I use shampoo/conditioner without sls. Oddly I find my hair reacts better to diluted sls shampoo, though I try not to use that often. I do blow dry (because if I didn't I would freeze to death) but I concentrate mainly on my scalp/roots. I've tried heavy oiling with coconut/jojoba/almond but didn't see much of a difference. Actually my hair seemed dryer, guess I don't need protein. Switched to olive oil, which seems to make my hair a little softer.
I've read several other posts so I know that it's either a)cut it or b)ignore and live with it. But it's not a matter of a couple of inches here, since I have very short layers, I would need to shave my head in order to get my hair completely healthy/virgin. Will my hair's condition really get worse if I just ignore this situation? Will the damage really spread about and go up to my roots (cringe!!!).
It's not that I don't want to get a hair cut/trim for the rest of my life but I want the layers to get even, and I think that might take a year or Two most likely. Oh it's so frustrating...I know it's just hair, but I feel so blah whenever I see the breakage, and I feel even worse when I think of getting it cut.Plus I look so much better with long hair....does anyone feel the same???
xoxo

[spidermom]

Yes, it's true, damage travels up the hair shaft. You can't heal damaged hair, but you can make it behave better. You might try making a ponytail on the exact center of the top of your head with two hair-ties. Bend forward and slide the second hair tie toward the ends, which will make them splay out a bit, and very gently trim off the longest, oldest, worst-looking ends. Since you already have layers, this is the way to trim away the damage without losing any length. Do this maybe once every month to every two months, and trim 1/8 to 1/4 inch each time - no more! Gradually the condition will improve and your hair will still be growing longer.

By the way, oil contains 0 protein. It is 100% essential fatty acids. Use whatever works best and don't worry about protein.

[time_on_fire]

I can relate to how you feel.

Have you read Nightshade's article on growing out damaged hair?

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=79

[pinklemonade]

Thank you for the advice Spidermom, will try it out, though I'll try to cut as little as possible! Can't there be a way to prevent damange from travelling up the hair shaft?!

Thank you for the link time on fire, sounds great!

[spidermom]

I haven't found any way to prevent damage from traveling. I take as good of care of my hair as I can without putting it under glass, and I still find splits that have traveled 4-5 inches up the hair shaft. I get regular trims, too. Oh well, when it comes to anything human, perfection is too much to expect.

Good hair care helps, though. From what you say about your routine, I don't see any red flags, except keep the heat down when you blow-dry and don't pull/stretch your hair with a brush when you do it. I hold my hair out with a shower comb and use warm near the scalp, cool on the length, and I don't blow-dry all the way to the ends. I blow-dry to damp, never to bone-dry. It dries pretty quickly on its own after that.

[pinklemonade]

I haven't found any way to prevent damage from traveling. I take as good of care of my hair as I can without putting it under glass, and I still find splits that have traveled 4-5 inches up the hair shaft. I get regular trims, too. Oh well, when it comes to anything human, perfection is too much to expect.


That is so true, perfection doesn't exist! Sometimes I feel like I'm driving myself crazy because I seek perfect hair!!! I'll try to take good hair and lower the heat. Thanks again spidermom, I can tell you take great care of your hair, it's beautiful! :)

[Star Eagle]

Pinklemonaid,
Well sounds like you are unhappy about life and are picking on your hair...what are white dots?
Sounds like you were just talking out loud...or writing... like this would have fit on a blog...
You know hair is dead right ... so just cut an inch or two off... give yourself a conditioning treatment.... and yourself something you want... and make it a fun day... you are in change of your life. Star Eagle

[Bonkers57]

You are so right, Star Eagle! Make something positive out of it :cheese:
(Love your kitty pic and your lion avatar, BTW!)


Pinklemonaid,
Well sounds like you are unhappy about life and are picking on your hair...what are white dots?
Sounds like you were just talking out loud...or writing... like this would have fit on a blog...
You know hair is dead right ... so just cut an inch or two off... give yourself a conditioning treatment.... and yourself something you want... and make it a fun day... you are in change of your life. Star Eagle

[spidermom]

You know hair is dead right ... so

I don't know why people say that. Anything that is growing is not dead.

[Oskimosa]

Oh well, when it comes to anything human, perfection is too much to expect.

Exactly. I often feel bad about all my damage, but look at my siggy. Looks fine. Overall my hair isn't as bad from a distance as I feel looking closely at it. No one has a magnifying glass on my hair. I bet if you posted a picture we wouldn't know why you were stressing so much. :toast:

[pinklemonade]

Exactly. I often feel bad about all my damage, but look at my siggy. Looks fine. Overall my hair isn't as bad from a distance as I feel looking closely at it. No one has a magnifying glass on my hair. I bet if you posted a picture we wouldn't know why you were stressing so much. :toast:

Your hair does look lovely, and healthy! Thanks for the support Oskimosa :) Here's an older post/rant :p of mine with some pics of my hair.

[pinklemonade]

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?p=786108

[Liss]

I love the hairstyle you have in the pics, but I can understand the frustration of so many layers with damage to grow out. I think that Spidermom gave excellent advice on both this thread and the previous one you linked to. You will get lots of support and encouragement here for whatever you decide to do with your hair, so even if all I can provide you with is a hug to make you feel better, then that's what I'll send you! I was thinking that your style is very similar to Sammich, and I think she is also trying to grow out the layers, so you're never alone in the LHC!!

[IndigoAsh]

I'm with you. I was totally stupid and never thought or cared about my hair before this year. Now I'm playing catch up to keep the dried frazzled bleached parts of my hair from spiraling out of control. Thankfully I only bleached the underside of my hair though. A lot of us ladies are with you on this journey. I would never cut my hair again. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Just stick with it and ride it out. It'll get better. Lets just hope our vanity is the worst thing we have to battle right now.

[curlylocks85]

I don't know why people say that. Anything that is growing is not dead.


Hair is alive inside the hair follicle, which is under the scalp. As the hair begins to grow, it pushes up from the root and out of the follicle, through the skin where it can be seen. Tiny blood vessels at the base of every follicle feed the hair root to keep it growing. However, once the hair is at the skin's surface, the cells within the strand of hair are not alive anymore. The hair you see on every part of your body contains dead cells. That is why it does not cause pain when someone cuts your hair with scissors.

[Oskimosa]

Your hair does look lovely, and healthy! Thanks for the support Oskimosa :) Here's an older post/rant :p of mine with some pics of my hair.

Thanks for your compliment! :) Your hair really doesn't look bad at all. Tousled, yes, but that's very "in." A trim would do you fine. Keep babying it with deep treatments, maybe try changing your current routine. Layers keep it looking interesting when you wear your hair down alot, and also help soften the look of updos. It's going to be ok, really!

I bet if everyone posted closeups of their hair you'd be alot less embarrassed. :thumbsup:

[adiapalic]

Not sure if anyone has suggested, but I recall Nightshade taking the time to gradually let her damaged/chemical dyed hair grow out by trimming monthly half the amount of hair she grew. For example, if her average growth rate was 1/2 inch a month, she'd cut 1/4 of an inch.

If you can live without the length and wish to start anew, then cut it. If you want to maintain what length you have, then gradually trim it, keep S&D'ing, and keep oiling, and think about trying Nightshade's method.

You said olive oil manages to soften it a bit--keep at it.

Also, how often do you wash? You say you freeze if you don't blow-dry--you could consider washing your hair less. Not only will this reduce the amount of exposure to the hair dryer, but it will reduce the stress on your hair from handling and washing it often (because wet hair is fragile hair), and will give you a chance to let natural sebum work its way down the hair shaft instead of washing it away with soap too frequently.

It's possible that the white dots you find it your hair are these:

http://www.hair.ph/wp-content/hair_twh_74_03.jpg

It can be caused from overheating moist hair, and it boils on the inside (blow-drying/flat-ironing) which causines the middle of the hair to weaken, or it's from dyeing/bleaching/perming hair.

@Star Eagle
"You know hair is dead right ... so just cut an inch or two off."

I think it's pretty well known that here on LHC people don't see hair as just an invaluable "dead thing" that can be chopped off and tossed to the wind. It's generally understood that people here cherish their hair, and that it's a big decision to them when it comes to "cut or not cut".
---------
ETA:

How about that? I was reading *another* thread about inspirational LHC members (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=43619&page=2), and someone mentions this:
Nightshade's article on growing out damaged hair. She made me realized that it is possible without the big chop.

[pinklemonade]

Liss, aww thank you for the compliment and for the hug!:) Yes, I will def. follow Spidermom's advice which was very useful. Glad to know I'm not alone!!!

IndigoAsh, thank you for the encouragement! I also never took good care of my hair till I joined LHC...all the blow frying/perms/straightening my hair went through....glad you understand!:)

Oskimosa, you're welcome I really like your color too!Yes that's right, the 'messy' look is quite trendy, so I should make the most of it :p I see you're also growing out your hair which looks like about my length, to hip, I'm there with ya!!


Adiapalic, thank you for your advice and suggestions. I'll try that trimming method (and cut as less as I can!). Yes those 'white dots' (they look esp. white because my hair is dark) are the parts that break off and leave a split end when the hair breaks off and like you said probably caused from overheating. I get upset when I notice them also after I oil my hair, sometimes I notice them even more but I guess that's probably because the damage is already there...I used to think it's from using too much protein (I used to do egg masks very often).

I wash my hair about once a week, sometimes I resist and wait even longer. The problem is the blow dryer. I do focus only on my roots/head area and leave the ends to air dry. I realized now though that this is silly because I'm going to be growing out damaged hair (since I'm blow drying the roots of the hair) darn it :rolleyes:.....I'll try to limit as much as possible.
I really like Nightshade's article about growing out damaged hair!
Thanks again y'all for the advice and support! What I love about LHC is that we can Really discuss/talk about....Hair! A lovely and undestanding community! :)

[pinklemonade]

I think it's pretty well known that here on LHC people don't see hair as just an invaluable "dead thing" that can be chopped off and tossed to the wind. It's generally understood that people here cherish their hair, and that it's a big decision to them when it comes to "cut or not cut".


Well said adiapalic! Whether it's dead or alive I care about my hair!!! :p

[Capybara]

I think that an individual is his/her most critical judge. Your hair probably looks great to everyone else, but you see it as not. I do the same thing :o Don't worry, if you do cut your hair, it will make you feel better about the ends, but if you don't cut it, you'll still get to enjoy the length right now. Maybe a microtrim would help?

Hope all goes well, we are all here for you :flowers:

[Multiruus]

oh thats exactly how I feel right now :D I definitely do need a a minitrim but at this lenght I just really dont want to do it yet :(

[pinklemonade]

Capybara, you're right: we are our own's worst critic!Thank you for the encouragement, I will def. try doing a very micro micro-trim! :)

Multiruus I know we can do it!!!:scissors:

[Capybara]

You're very welcome (: Good luck!

[Wally]

If misery loves company, here i am! Layers, layers, layers, no style whatsoever, too short to cut, frustration that it grows so slow. I feel your pain. I just do my best to take care of it and try to ignore the issues as much as possible. In the end I know it will be worth it and I'm confident you'll feel the same way.

[pinklemonade]

Yup Wally, that's definitely the best thing we can do to our hair: treat it carefully and stop obsessing over the layers. With patience they'll grow out....thanks for joining the club! :)

[BlueMuse]

I don't really know how feasible it would be for you to put it up with how layered it is, but if I'm feeling too down on my hair I just put it out of the way where I can't stare at it all the time. Plus having it up will help reduce sustaining any more damage. It sounds like you might need quite a few little clips for the short layers though, but I've seen plenty of girls who look cute with their "bangs" clipped back like that.