getting my wurly sweetie to keep his hair long?

[hennared]

My fiance decided a while ago to grow out his hair for the first time .. he's 44. Now that it's got to shoulder length it's beginning to drive him bonkers, and he's beginning to talk about chopping it off; despite all the attention he gets from women now, LOL. Anyway, I'm not sure how to best help him to make it more manageable so that he is less frustrated with it. I think it looks so nice on him, long.

The difficult thing is his texture. He has very wavy hair; wavier than me, by far! It is quite fine strand by strand, yet he has a good amount of it, especially in the back. It is kind of thin at the temples, and he wears it sort of parted far over to one side. He is also growing out gawdawful layers (that I think make it seem overly fluffy, which he hates). I am also having a tough time finding a conditioner that will weigh him down some w/o making his hair greasy.

His main complaint is that it's too full on the sides, and so it looks unkempt. I'm trying to encourage him to be patient, and that once the layers grow out more, the weight of them will make them more manageable. Right? I'm not sure if maybe cutting the layers back in would make him happy. But that would mean a trip to a stylist, who might butcher his lovely locks :( I'm thinking, maybe if we shaped his hair some on the sides, like tapered the sides a bit to his length, that might help. And I could manage that myself.

I know without a picture it's hard to say, but, anyone have any suggestions??

[BelleBot]

Can't really give much advise, except to ask what conditioner does he use? Curly heads I believe quite often benefit from coney conditioners as they stop it looking fluffy and weigh it down a bit. Perhaps use a coney leave in conditioner too or a serum. And keep on growing it, I wouldn't get it cut until it's longer and weighing itself down more, then perhaps look at the shape. Good luck.

[Kaijah]

Shoulder length is a sucky time for wavies and curlies alike. It's Triangle of Doom territory (that fluffiness you're talking about). Speaking as someone with horrid layers, everything gets SO SO SO much nicer once they're longer. Cutting in a lot of short layers will probably make him more poofy... less weight has always made for sproingier hair on me. You could try just tapering/thinning the sides a bit, but I'd say go slowly (I'm a coward! :o) with removing bulk and see how it works out.

Does he CO wash? Or at least CWC? Even with finer hair he's probably going to need more moisture to control that strong wave pattern. If he CO washes, he could try following up his light washing conditioner with a heavier rinse out one for more moisture and some weight.

Also; experiment with leaving in conditioner. That helped me SO MUCH with the overly fluffy hair.

Do you have a Sally's? Aura Cherry Almond Bark is a nice moisturizing but light conditioner. It's a very sweet cherry smell, and it does linger some, so if he'd dislike that it may be a problem. They also have Lustrasilk Shea Mango (it's orange, and advertised as a leave in I think) that works well for just about anything hair related and it isn't too heavy.

He could also try thinning out some Sally's GVP Conditioning Balm or any of the Aubrey Organics conditioners. They're heavy in their "true form," but mixed with water or aloe you get the conditioning benefits without the heaviness. Garnier Fructis Triple Nutrition is also a slightly heavy-ish conditioner that he could try thinning a tad.

He could also experiment with a bit of gel to try keeping it under control. I think a bit of leave in will add weight, but a gel will help keep it held. LA Looks Sport is good and cheap, as are the Herbal Essences Set Me Up and Body Envy gels. (If he doesn't like crunchy hair, just remind him to scrunch it a bit once it's dry).

For me, personally, silicone heavy products were bad. They made half my hair stringy and left half of it poofy. YMMV though.

[Vijikanth]

I too face the same issue. At times I think enough is enough. But after all this patience, I put it off aside and kept going. Mine is curly wavy and my friends suggested I visit a stylist to shape it a bit. And as you said, am also worried the stylist would chop off most of my curls. Anyway Patience is Virtue. As it grows, the weight should pull the hair down. Keep using a good conditioner though..Gud luck. Do post a picture of his..

[spidermom]

More length will definitely help. It will weigh down the fluff, plus he'll be able to pull it back. One thing that helped me was to apply gel to damp hair and comb it all straight back. It helped the waves to follow my head better.

It's his choice how to wear his hair, though. It's one thing if he is asking for your help in dealing with this, quite another if he would prefer to cut it shorter and you're pressuring him to keep it long. Support his choice.

[hennared]

Oh, he wants to grow it long - he'd told me he'd always wanted to try to grow it out, and feels, due to his age, this is 'his last chance' to try. He just did not realize what this would entail for wurly hair, and he wishes it were easier! I have made it very clear I love him no matter how long his hair is, and if it is bothering him too much, he should do whatever he wants about his hair. But since my hair is entirely different, I'm not sure how to best help.

(and he is willing to try new things - he even let me henna his hair :) and he liked it!)

[jera]

Thick wavy hair in layers is difficult to handle. I hope you can think of something to make him keep it. :) All I can think of is shampoos and conditioners with cones.

[Fractalsofhair]

Oiling prevents my fine hair(which is straight, but can be wavy, and I have a lot of it), from looking too puffy. CO washing can help. Also, he can put it in a ponytail if it's shoulder length, hopefully. Also, parting to the side can make a bad situation worse. That's the good part about a center part, it displaces the weight.

[Wally]

It sounds like he is at the same stage that I am. I have yet to discover a magic bullet to solve the issues.

My best results so far have come from COing with the aforementioned GVP & AO conditioners followed by aloe gel in a straight back style. When dry I use a high part and my top and sides are very nice but the curly layers below the ears are hopeless. And yes, the sides beginning at the top of the ears are very full.

Frankly, I am planning on as long as two more years to move the mess far enough down my back so I can start to trim it off.