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MissMandyElizab
February 17th, 2010, 01:01 PM
Ok this might not happen to many or maybe it does,i have my hair down,and some one will start playing with it ! Not some one i know a stranger will touch it ,it is hard,they just reached out,am i the only one that has this happen.(not likely) but to me its very very scary!
How do i nicely say hay stop? cause i get the rudest looks when i say hay please don't do that? i had one lady say then you shouldn't have it down if you don't want it touched...huh? Really? what do i do? I don;t want to have to be rude and i would like to have it down sometimes?http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs024.snc3/11151_1168349804851_1111117593_30463529_5920337_n. jpg (http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30463530&id=1111117593)

spidermom
February 17th, 2010, 01:14 PM
Since you can't control the behavior of other people, my best suggestion would be to put it up when you go out. Either that or you can be giving people mean looks and saying "don't touch!" all the time.

As for me, I'll put mine up. (Even down, though, I have rarely had somebody else touch my hair, and it was a young man with Down syndrome, so I could hardly hold it against him.)

curlylocks85
February 17th, 2010, 01:14 PM
That comment that was said to you was highly inappropriate. You are not an article of clothing on display at a store. Just do what you have been doing. Tell whomever it is politely to not touch you. If they do not like it, that is their problem especially if it is a stranger.

I am sorry this happened to you. Remember just because your hair is down, it does not give other people a license to start touching your hair or anything else for that matter.

MissMandyElizab
February 17th, 2010, 01:19 PM
thank you girls ....it freaked me out !I work with downs kid's so that wouldn't bug me but they rarely do things like that cause we talk al ot about our private space..but some times i think average people for get it and i did feel like a t-shirt

Merkaba
February 17th, 2010, 01:21 PM
I completely agree that people should not just randomly touch you...but I find it kind of cool and beautiful that people are so in awe of it they want to feel its silkiness.

pinkbunny
February 17th, 2010, 01:22 PM
You shouldn't wear it down if you don't want it touched? That's the most ignorant thing I've ever heard! What about personal space? You should ask them how they would feel if you just walked up and started fiddling with something of theirs...

I have had people ask to touch my hair, and as long as their hands look clean I'll allow it. When I feel unsociable I just wear my hair up. One time a girl in my high school came up behind me and was touching me - I'm not sure if she was stroking my hair or my velvet cape, but I turned around and told her "Please don't touch me. I don't know you and you're making me uncomfortable!" I think that shocked some sense into her...

Gypsy
February 17th, 2010, 01:25 PM
If someone grabbed your breast or crotch, would you think it was rude to tell them not to do it or slap their hand away or whatever?
It's your hair- part of your body and you have the right to defend it the same as any other part of your body- don't feel bad about that at all, okay?:)
The rude ones are the ones who feel they can randomly touch people they don't know in an intimate way.:mad:
Plus, you never know if someone has some fungus or communicable condition on their hands, you don't want some fungal infection and possible resulting hair loss from some stranger touching you.;)

Twil
February 17th, 2010, 01:32 PM
I've just stopped wearing it down so often. It, without fail, always attracts some attention.

Though, it's always great to have fun with it. I've found great joy in over reacting to a hair touch, such as screaming OH MY GOD BAD TOUCH or telling someone you have lice.

Doesn't really help, since they've already touched it, but it makes me feel better. I only do it if the person is particularly sceevy looking, otherwise I don't mind people touching it. I had a small child stroke it for better part of an hour while on a plane once.

spidermom
February 17th, 2010, 01:33 PM
You shouldn't wear it down if you don't want it touched? That's the most ignorant thing I've ever heard! What about personal space? You should ask them how they would feel if you just walked up and started fiddling with something of theirs...
...

Not everybody is taught the same standards of personal space. Before I had seen 20,000 of these "how can I keep people from touching my hair?" threads, I had no idea. I have touched the beautiful hair of others before, and really, I had no clue that this would bother anybody. When I worked up at the hospital, I came upon a woman standing in the hall sobbing because she couldn't find where she was supposed to go, and in a gesture intended to be comforting, I put my hand on her shoulder and she jumped away and screamed "DON'T TOUCH ME!" Well excuse the heck out of me; do you think I wanted to help her at that point? But I did, anyway.

I really have to come back to this, no matter how ignorant you think it sounds, pinkbunny. If you consider something so private as to be upset if somebody else touches it - put it away, cover it up. You have no idea what somebody else innocently considers o.k., and there is no way in the world you can control what other random people are going to do.

Kelli Kat
February 17th, 2010, 01:42 PM
I'm sorry you had to experience that. I think you've handled it well. I have never had anyone just randomly touch my hair. I'm amazed that people think they can touch strangers. I would never touch someone I didn't know. I barely touch people I do know without asking. Except of course people I'm on an intimate basis with.

Keildra
February 17th, 2010, 01:48 PM
The one thing that worked for me was yelling "OW", but the lady did actually pull my hair painfully. They don't know whether or not you have a sensitive scalp, if they think they actually hurt you they'll probably stop and if they don't stop, to not feel bad ask them to stop and inform them that they are pulling (I know I'm an evil lier) but if you want someone to stop touching your hair and to respect your personal space sometimes you have to take drastic measures.

zen_oven
February 17th, 2010, 01:50 PM
Honestly? I'd just keep telling them to stop. Your hair is part of your body and no one should manhandle you like that without asking. There's nothing rude about standing up for yourself. If someone like that rude woman told me I shouldn't wear it down if I don't want it touched, I'd ask her if she'd like it if some strange man grabbed her breasts just because they liked them. If it was a guy, I'd grab his crotch and tell him he shouldn't wear tight pants if he doesn't want it touched. LOL.

Ahem, sorry. I have a mom who taught me to be super assertive.

xoxophelia
February 17th, 2010, 02:01 PM
People *never* touch me. O.o... Now I kind of wonder why. I just get stares. Prettttty awkward.

If somebody speaks to you so rudely, I think it would be perfectly fine to be very straight forward and say "Please learn some manners" or "Excuse me, but that is rude".

spidermom
February 17th, 2010, 02:01 PM
Crotches and breasts are covered up; it's pretty obvious they aren't available for random fondling.

Kya
February 17th, 2010, 02:08 PM
Depending on where you live and the culture, some people have a notion to touch other people. When we lived in Mexico, a man came right up and touched my brother's curly hair. It frightened my mother because the man was a stranger and that was her son! If you see them coming, duck, if not, maybe say, "I'm glad you like my hair, but please ..." :eyebrows:

GlassEyes
February 17th, 2010, 02:22 PM
If it's someone I know, or someone I find non-threatening, I just don't care. I've become accustomed to it. I even tell people when they've been staring at my head for a while to just get it over with at this point.

As for the others, I unleash a glare upon them, and usually they're...discouraged from touching. Then again, I've perfected the glare--somehow, I tend to do it whenever I'm thinking, so teachers used to get worried about me. Or scared, thinking on it.

I'd probably just try telling them to not touch, and pull it away from them. Should discourage repeat offenders.

Loviatar
February 17th, 2010, 02:24 PM
Wear it up or tell them to stop. If they don't stop, get up and move away from them while telling them again, only louder.

natt i nord
February 17th, 2010, 02:27 PM
No, my hair isn't touched. Neither in braids nor when it's down. Only my friends do sometimes when I'm wearing it down again after a long period with bunning it, but I know them and that's okay if they don't do it frequently. But if it's only once it's no problem for me. Strangers never touched/tried to touch yet.

MandaMom2Three
February 17th, 2010, 02:33 PM
tazer ;) (and be warned, anyone who says "don't you think that's extreme".. will be tazed :D)

jera
February 17th, 2010, 02:57 PM
Personally, I'm flattered when people find my hair touchable and attractive, but if someone said to me what that woman said to you, I wouldn't hesitate in telling her where to get off. :p

Allowing people to touch your hair is a highly personal choice and if you don't like it, you don't like it. Why should you be prevented from wearing your hair down just because a weirdo or two can't keep their hands to themselves? :rolleyes:

Anje
February 17th, 2010, 02:57 PM
It hasn't happened to me (my hair's often up to minimize tangles and falling into bacterial cultures), but slapping and shouting "Don't touch me!" are reputed to be very effective. Implying that the person touching you is somehow disgusting could also help by creating a nice visceral response among anyone who overhears. "Get your germy hands off me!" "Don't touch my hair; you'll give me lice!" Something like that. Make a scene and embarrass them!

The woman who told you it shouldn't be down if you don't want it touched is totally out of line. So is it okay for you to start digging through her purse because she's carrying one?

It's different, of course, if the person has your permission. But random strangers should never, ever assume that they have the right to grope you except to treat a medical emergency.

Kirry-Folk
February 17th, 2010, 03:11 PM
Somehow, I am always amazed by how logical and kind other LHCers are. If someone touched my hair without asking my permission, I would break out the big guns and start yelling at the offender.

It's really inappropriate for anyone to just touch your hair. For me, it's just as bad as someone coming up to me and going *SQUEEZE!* to my breasts or slapping my rear. Which does happen, but come on. You don't just touch other people without asking, even if hair is dead.

cmnt831
February 17th, 2010, 03:13 PM
Depending on where you live and the culture, some people have a notion to touch other people. When we lived in Mexico, a man came right up and touched my brother's curly hair. It frightened my mother because the man was a stranger and that was her son! If you see them coming, duck, if not, maybe say, "I'm glad you like my hair, but please ..." :eyebrows:

Yes, culture has a lot to do with it, too. Not just touching hair, but eyes and faces and such, especially of children. I live in that kind of culture myself and have just grown up being used to it from certain people.

Sissy
February 17th, 2010, 03:21 PM
wow... I feel for ya. This doesn't usually happen to me and if it does I am usually OK with it and just let it roll off and get on with it. However, if I was to ask someone to please not touch my hair and they were to comment that I shouldn't wear it down if I don't want it touched I would be upset. In this sort of situation where someone gets rude to you like that I think you should make eye contact with a very serious look on your face and say, "Excuse me?!?!?! I am going to ask you one more time to give me my personal space." I think they'll back off then... I guess people around where I live just aren't that touchy.

tinker bug
February 17th, 2010, 03:21 PM
Haven't read the entire thread and I don't know if this has been said, but when I run into random people who are a little too touchy for me (or if I'm in a bad mood or a hurry), then I'll put my hair over my shoulder so at least they can't touch the length of it and get it all tangle-y. From my experience it works well and if you're painfully shy like me, you'll like that you don't have to acutally talk to the person! Yay for anti-socialness :D

adiapalic
February 17th, 2010, 03:27 PM
Wow, that lady has some gall to say that to you. Just keep wearing your hair down, and tell them you don't want their filthy paws all over your hair!

:) Seriously though, just politely say "Please, don't touch!"

Speaking personally, I could never imagine getting all in a stranger's personal space by touching them or their hair, but the rare cases that people have touched my hair, it hasn't really bothered me.

Different strokes for different folks--and others should always keep that in mind by respecting another's personal space.

Wicked Princess
February 17th, 2010, 03:33 PM
A lot of things could factor into someone thinking that touching your hair is acceptable behavior. People outside of the LHC don't necessarily think of their hair as a precious resource, and are often shocked when they run into someone who does. They could have a much bigger personal "bubble" than other people do and will sometimes assume that everyone else's personal bubble is exactly the same size as theirs - so it may be that they wouldn't mind someone touching their hair and don't realize that this isn't true of everyone else.

Most of the time, people are tactless when they don't mean to me, and don't think about their actions when they really should. It's ridiculous to put up with, but is usually pretty innocent.

However - the woman who implied that she was justified in violating your personal space because wearing your hair down was an invitation for such a violation...needs help. Really. I am not comfortable in the slightest about what her thought process says about the personality she has! Major creepy.

Do not be afraid to defend your personal space. Usually, if you back away from a reaching hand, or say, "Don't touch me," people will understand. Sometimes, they will get embarrassed. Sometimes they might just be perplexed. Now if they continue to touch you, I would suggest actually shouting, "I said don't touch me!" in a way that draws attention to the hair-touchy person. This is normally enough to embarrass people into respecting your boundaries. :)

MissMandyElizab
February 17th, 2010, 04:00 PM
Thanks everyone
being a small person and kinda young looking people think they can touch me alot she was the most resent and really creeped me out i will try to be mor assertive but i was raised with the words "stay sweet" yelled at me every time i stood up for my self so its hard,,, thank you :demon:

ravensinger13
February 17th, 2010, 04:23 PM
Don't feel bad about not "being sweet" get loud, and tell them on no uncertain terms to back off.

yellowchariot
February 17th, 2010, 04:26 PM
Ok this might not happen to many or maybe it does,i have my hair down,and some one will start playing with it ! Not some one i know a stranger will touch it ,it is hard,they just reached out,am i the only one that has this happen.(not likely) but to me its very very scary!
How do i nicely say hay stop? cause i get the rudest looks when i say hay please don't do that? i had one lady say then you shouldn't have it down if you don't want it touched...huh? Really? what do i do? I don;t want to have to be rude and i would like to have it down sometimes?

You could wear a hair accessory that says "No Tress-Passing, Violators Will be Prosecuted/Shot On Site" LOL j/k

Seriously, if someone touches your physical being, that is a degree of offense. As to the Luny I mean Lady that said "then you shouldn't have it down if you don't want it touched", you should have told her. . . that's no different than someone touching your chest, just because it's there doesn't mean you touch it, fool, so would you mind if I squeezed your chest?! (then give her a twister :evil:) You could always threaten to file charges, based upon the intention/motive that the offender was pulling your hair, thus inflicting damage! This would at least let them know you mean business.
Or if you are an outgoing person, simply reach over, and grab their nose, and slightly pinch it, without causing harm to the person, more like a gesture. Then say, "Well your nose is there isn't it? Then you shouldn't wear it exposed, dufus!" Simply laugh, and walk away. They will be stunned and embarrassed, and most likely not know what to do :D!

It's ridiculous how people give themselves a "right" to do whatever they want. :rolleyes:

MsBubbles
February 17th, 2010, 04:31 PM
"No Tress-Passing,

Simply brilliant!! I love it.

yellowchariot
February 17th, 2010, 05:15 PM
Simply brilliant!! I love it.

^Thanks MsBubbles, I'm starting to get the hang of this hair-lingo talk :D!

MissMandyElizab
February 17th, 2010, 05:32 PM
^Thanks MsBubbles, I'm starting to get the hang of this hair-lingo talk :D!
and i think you advice rocks.....:soapbox:

ravenreed
February 17th, 2010, 05:34 PM
The only people who touch my hair are close friends and I don't mind. I don't think I would be too annoyed if a random stranger did it if it wasn't in a creepy way. However, if I asked the person to stop and he/she said that because it was down it was available to touch, I would get right snippy.

tralalalara
February 17th, 2010, 05:38 PM
... but when I run into random people who are a little too touchy for me (or if I'm in a bad mood or a hurry), then I'll put my hair over my shoulder so at least they can't touch the length of it and get it all tangle-y. From my experience it works well and if you're painfully shy like me, you'll like that you don't have to acutally talk to the person! Yay for anti-socialness :D

This over-the-shoulder thing works on children too, since they may lack the same rules of personal space that adults do. Body language is sometimes the strongest communicator for young minds(and puppies), but be sure to give a dominating look as you pull it over your shoulder.

Now I just have mine over my shoulder constantly.
And it doubles as a way to keep your hair off the back of a chair or from getting caught in purse/back pack straps!

AmbrosiaShadows
February 17th, 2010, 06:08 PM
Can't say I've ever had this happen to me (Then again I live in So. Cal. and were all jack***es here). I don't think I will ever be ofended that someone random finds my hair that attractive but, if I ever got to that point, I would probably do like the other suggested and ask:

"Is it okay if I touch your chest/crotch just because I feel like it? No? Then don't touch my hair. It's a part of me too."

florenonite
February 17th, 2010, 06:19 PM
Some people just have different ideas of personal space and boundaries. I don't have a problem with hugging people I don't know, and then I've got close friends I hardly ever make any sort of physical contact with because they just don't like it. For the most part, people touching your hair probably just don't see it as a rude thing to do :shrug: The woman who told you you shouldn't have it exposed was way out of line, though.

If it's bothering you that people are touching your hair, I think your best bet is to decide which you prefer: wearing your hair down or keeping people from touching it. If you like to wear your hair down enough that you'll put up with people playing with your hair, then do so. If not, then wear it up when you're outside and just wear it down when you're at home.

You can try to be assertive when people touch your hair and simply tell them politely, but firmly, that your hair is off-limits. Judging by that one woman, though, apparently this doesn't always work :rolleyes:

mizk5110
February 17th, 2010, 06:57 PM
I just came off a very long three days at work, so I have zero tolerance for people right now...so please pardon my two cents if they are offensive...

@the lady who told you you shouldn't wear it down: ...i would do something to inflict some kind of mild pain and respond with "Don't touch people's hair if you don't want to get hurt."

In general, the only person who touches my hair is DF. Only time that's a problem is if he just gave me a backrub, or....., or he was working out. Then my response is to pull the hair/push the hand away and "dude, you're gonna grease up my hair and I'm gonna get pissed. :)"

If by chance one of my friends or coworkers touches it (which is rare), it usually is only for a second or two and usually at my bidding lol

TiaKitty
February 17th, 2010, 07:21 PM
I've said "Good thing my pet rat wasn't in there, or you would have scared him half to death!"

Then, when they ask "Rat?!?" I say something along the lines of "Yes, the rat that makes it's nest in my hair..." If they don't get the rat's nest joke, then I don't explain, usually because I don't have to as they're running away...

No offense to rat owners, I've owned a couple in my day, too, and I know how charming and loveable and smart they really are.

I've hissed at people with whom I am mildly familiar.

Family, I tell them "If you're going to touch it, you might as well brush it for me!" and then I rush off to get my brush.

nellreno
February 17th, 2010, 07:41 PM
I personally don't like it when people I don't know touch my hair without permission. It just seems creepy. If they were to compliment me on my hair and then ask if they could touch it, then most likely I wouldn't mind.

As for what the woman said, wearing your hair down is definitely not an invitation for people to touch it! With her reasoning I could go around touching people's faces because they're not covered.

christine1989
February 17th, 2010, 07:48 PM
Hmm... thats a tough dilemma... too bad you cant put an electric forcefeild around your hair ;) Thats a lovely hair ornament by the way. I have wated to get one of those double elastic combes but I am still skeptical about how well they work.

yellowchariot
February 17th, 2010, 08:29 PM
and i think you advice rocks.....:soapbox:

^Thanks MissMandyElizab, *speaks Italian*: *If'a anybod'ah touch'us yor haar ah'gan, you juss lemmie know, k?* :disgust: :guns:

LOL sorry I just rented the Godfather Trilogy tonight, I've never seen it before. :D

MissMandyElizab
February 17th, 2010, 08:50 PM
hun you never seen it........your going to blow your head off after the third the kinda ....up. bUT i love sophia's hair in the last shot

JamieLeigh
February 18th, 2010, 09:18 AM
Wow...just because you have it down, does NOT mean it's open season for grabby hands and fingers!! Your bubble is YOUR bubble, and if you politely tell someone hands off and they keep going, they deserve to be told off for it. Unwanted physical contact is technically a form of assault. It is PERFECTLY FINE to define your boundaries and if someone gets upset, then that's their problem and nothing you should worry over!!

I usually wear my hair up, from necessity and comfort, not to keep people off of it, but when I do wear it down I don't get a lot of people trying to mess with it. Then again, I'm a rocker-goth grumpy mom of five, so maybe I look like I don't want to be bothered. :P

merryhair
February 18th, 2010, 04:05 PM
I've said "Good thing my pet rat wasn't in there, or you would have scared him half to death!"

Then, when they ask "Rat?!?" I say something along the lines of "Yes, the rat that makes it's nest in my hair..." If they don't get the rat's nest joke, then I don't explain, usually because I don't have to as they're running away...

No offense to rat owners, I've owned a couple in my day, too, and I know how charming and loveable and smart they really are.

I've hissed at people with whom I am mildly familiar.

Family, I tell them "If you're going to touch it, you might as well brush it for me!" and then I rush off to get my brush.You cracked me up!! ahahaaha

Anyways, Your hair is let me capitalize that YOURS...!!

Hana
February 18th, 2010, 04:45 PM
ah, its a tricky one. unfortunately, it seems to me the best option is putting it up.
or creating an invisible wall against prying fingers.

that said, i've always maintained that good hair, like good skin, you should want to reach out and touch. but only WANT. not actually go ahead and do it - at least without permission! its just plain rude.

kinda reminds me of the time my cousin was 7 months pregnant, and we went to the shops for something. some woman came over and started cooing, which was very sweet, but then she reached out and touched my cousins bump. which kinda crosses the threshold.
Maybe if she had asked first? I dunno. but its still a step too far, in my opinion.

Madame J
February 18th, 2010, 06:34 PM
While putting it up is an easy, non-confrontational option, there is always the "cultivate a witty comeback" for when people give you total loser-idiot comments like the woman who told you that leaving it down meant people could touch it.

How about: "Oh puh-leaze, do you touch everything people have showing in public?"

Seriously, I bet she's one of those people who goes around wanting to touch pregnant women's bellies without asking them. Some people need to get a life.

MissMandyElizab
February 18th, 2010, 06:44 PM
i think i am going to die (giggling) I have a game plan if this happens again ( and it does) and they don't ask first because i am short i am goung to hid my face and scream "bad touch help" at the top of my lungs,,,,,,my mother said i should then hand them a card saying simply I an not a t-shirt please if you like my hair tell me ,if you want to touch it ask me, but if you touch me or my hair again with out asking and being told yes i will kick your &%% !
so what ya think? ( I can learn to do the whole stand up for my self thing and like it)

Arrow Juniper
February 18th, 2010, 08:15 PM
I can learn to do the whole stand up for my self thing and like it
As Peggy Hill would say, "Ho yeah!" :)

That plan deserves thundering applause!

Rinnirikku
February 18th, 2010, 08:21 PM
If someone grabbed your breast or crotch, would you think it was rude to tell them not to do it or slap their hand away or whatever?
It's your hair- part of your body and you have the right to defend it the same as any other part of your body- don't feel bad about that at all, okay?:)
The rude ones are the ones who feel they can randomly touch people they don't know in an intimate way.:mad:
Plus, you never know if someone has some fungus or communicable condition on their hands, you don't want some fungal infection and possible resulting hair loss from some stranger touching you.;)

Thats about what I was going to say Gypsy; it's a form of harassment really.

girloctopus
February 18th, 2010, 10:05 PM
I think it's human nature for whatever reason. I have no idea why though. I recently had my hair down in two braids at Target and a lady came up and started petting one of my braids, saying she'd never seen such thick braids. I was somewhat weirded out and was thinking, "Oh my personal space!" but I just kinda stammered out a thank you and skedaddled away.

I had similar experiences when I was pregnant and it still mystifies me why people would feel compelled to touch others like that. I think shoulders are about the only part allowable for strangers to touch.

Ravenne
February 18th, 2010, 10:15 PM
I can't say I've ever had a stranger randomly touch my hair.. But then again, I'm only at apl. Who knows. :shrug: It would really disturb me though. Physical contact is a fairly intimate act for me besides shaking hands or the like. The only people that I don't instinctively cringe away from are my DBF, parents, and very VERY close friends (of whom are a relatively small number).

And that woman saying having hair down made it fair game? Um... Wha?! That was way out of line!

countryhopper
February 18th, 2010, 10:15 PM
Even if you don't like it, I think that people touching your hair is a pretty big compliment. It means that your hair looks so nice and shiny and healthy that people can't help themselves!

It makes me think of when I go to stores like IKEA and they are selling those sheepskins. I ALWAYS have to go and touch it. I know what it will feel like, but it's just so SOFT and it just screams "pet me!!"

KiwiLiz
February 18th, 2010, 10:49 PM
I had similar experiences when I was pregnant and it still mystifies me why people would feel compelled to touch others like that.

Argh, If I decide to have children, I'm so not looking forward to this^^^ I can not stand being touched by strangers and acquaintances anywhere on my body, but some one touching my pregnant belly would be up there with touching my breasts.

I've only ever had friends touch my hair, I guess people down here have a better concept of personal space? I'd probably grab their butt and say "how do you like in appropriate touching, huh?"

MissMandyElizab
February 18th, 2010, 11:16 PM
I can't say I've ever had a stranger randomly touch my hair.. But then again, I'm only at apl. Who knows. :shrug: It would really disturb me though. Physical contact is a fairly intimate act for me besides shaking hands or the like. The only people that I don't instinctively cringe away from are my DBF, parents, and very VERY close friends (of whom are a relatively small number).

And that woman saying having hair down made it fair game? Um... Wha?! That was way out of line!
I am the same way its hard for me to be touched and she came up behind me which is another issue i also think she thought she had a right to in her twisted mind .I was talking with a Co-worker who also doesn't cut her hair and she said its common but she says that why she wears hers up .......i do about 6 days a week and i might when ever i go out to avoid this .the sad part is i really have cryid over it the good part is this place has given me a few tools to deal with her and others

Marjolein
February 19th, 2010, 08:25 AM
I totally agree that it isn't polite to touch other people's hair, but must admit I feel the urge sometimes. Have never done it though, so please don't hurt me:scared:.

Sometimes I see someone with the most beautiful long, curly hair and I wonder how it feels. Have never touched a natural curl in my life. Am I alone in this curiosity?

Benjamin_T
February 19th, 2010, 09:35 AM
People just love touching my hair.

My classmates always like to pet my ponytail, and some people just come very close by me to have a good look at my long hair that they inevitably touched it.

My solution has always been to practice the art of avoidance. (But definitely not in a very obvious, objectionable, or rude manner) ;)

frodolaughs
February 19th, 2010, 09:48 AM
I don't think there's anything wrong with politely asking people not to touch your hair. I also think it's reasonable to expect that if your hair is down some people will sometimes reach out and touch it. I don't have a problem with asking people not to. I actually feel that, as a woman, it's good practice to have to tell people 'no' from time to time. It's easy to get into a place where you feel like saying no is the same thing as being mean, rude, or impolite, but it's not. There's also a difference between someone reaching out and gently touching, and someone coming up to you and grabbing hold. I'm not comfortable with strangers doing either, but my responses would be different, and the number of lines being crossed are also different in the two situations.

I do wear my hair up most of the time. This way it's out of everyone's way--especially mine. When I wear it in braids it gets pulled, but my friends and family are the main offenders, and I don't mind. If a stranger was yanking on my braids I'd be alarmed.

SurprisingWoman
February 19th, 2010, 09:54 AM
I wear my hair down in public a lot and it gets commented on and touched quite a bit. Most of the time it doesn't bother me that much because it done with OMG comments and that's pretty cool.

There have been a couple of times I have gotten squicked out over the person touching/commenting and I flash my "back away" look at them and it never fails to work. My children swear flames flash from my eyes. Bwahahaha

I don't get upset over much. I'm pretty mellow.

Ravenne
February 19th, 2010, 10:01 AM
I am the same way its hard for me to be touched and she came up behind me which is another issue i also think she thought she had a right to in her twisted mind .I was talking with a Co-worker who also doesn't cut her hair and she said its common but she says that why she wears hers up .......i do about 6 days a week and i might when ever i go out to avoid this .the sad part is i really have cryid over it the good part is this place has given me a few tools to deal with her and others

I'm so sorry you've been so upset over this. :grouphug: I hope this won't be a regular occurrence for you.

I do understand the urge though. There's a girl that sits in front of me in a class with waist length, shiny red-brown hair and sometimes I get distracted from the lecture just looking at it. Lol. I'm guilty of the "Wow, I wonder if it's fine or coarse" thought, but no touchie. I'm willing to bet most people just do it without thinking/realizing what they've done.

RecklessCharlie
February 19th, 2010, 11:11 AM
i had one lady say then you shouldn't have it down if you don't want it touched...huh? Really?
That's rubbish.:bs:
Just because hair is long doesn't make it suddenly okay to march up to a stranger and fondle their hair! The next person who did that to me would get their hair fondled right back. I think buzzed hair feels really cool, but I certainly don't waltz up to people with buzz cuts and run my hand over their head.:ponder:
If you don't mind it's one thing, but if you do it is a complete invasion of personal space.

farewell_nancy
February 19th, 2010, 12:19 PM
I probably wouldn't know what to say in that situation either. My hair isn't impressive enough to elicit those sorts of comments, but when my tattoos do slip into view some people think its ok to move my clothing around to see them or make rude commends to their friends about me as if I wasn't there, such rudness stuns me. Common etiquette isn't something you should treat most folks with but then drop when you feel like it. This is the sort of thing would work out much better if the person talked to you first about the characteristic of interest. I'd be much more open to them if they didn't just engage me as if my body was a public park bench.

GlennaGirl
February 22nd, 2010, 06:22 PM
I haven't read all the posts, but...15 or 20 years ago, I'd have felt very comfortable gently touching someone's hair in public to tell him/her how lovely it was, especially if it were a much younger person.

Today, I'd be far too afraid of being labeled a perv or a boundary-crosser...especially if it were a much younger person.

I sometimes drop my hand down to pat the top of one youngster's head or another at my son's playgroup and then I catch myself and grab my hand back. This even stands when the child is the one who approached me, which is generally the situation (feel a small mite clinging to my leg, hand goes down to pat-pat). That's still not "okay" in many parents' books so I just...stay away. It's sort of sad that things are this way.

That said, everyone's personal space is different, so I'm not saying it's wrong to not want people to touch you...just that some of us were raised to be more touch-y, even in public. It isn't always aggressive or boundary-crossing or anything when someone touches your hair.

Again, I'm not saying it's okay for anyone to be touched if he or she doesn't want to be. In my book, no is no and that's the end of that story. Just trying to give possible explanations as to why it may happen rather than the usual "people are intrusive horrors and all that" one. ;)