View Full Version : Funeral hair

January 26th, 2010, 10:51 PM
I know this post seems moronic, and maybe it is, but I just found out my cousin died and I think I'm making it just to sort of distract my mind. We'll be having the funeral sometime this week, probably, so I need something even a monkey could do. Something simple, but appropriate for a funeral.

This is the last thing I should be worrying about. It makes me feel like I'm saying his death has inconvenienced me.

January 26th, 2010, 10:58 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. :grouphug:

It goes without saying for you to wear all black. I would think that a simple bun or updo would be much more respectful than some really fancy hairstyle. You want to look very polite and courteous, not like you are going to a party. If your hair is long enough, simply do a low bun twisted and secured to the back of your neck. Maybe do a deep side part, and slick it back wet or if you want to make your hair really healthy than use coconut oil or some other kind of oil in your hair to make it look sleek and shiny before twisting your hair into the bun.

January 26th, 2010, 11:00 PM
Thanks, and yeah, that's what I was thinking, but to be frank, I'm quite **** at buns. So I'll have to practice. I think I'm just looking for some human contact, even if it's over the net. My mom's gone to bed and I'm alone now.

January 26th, 2010, 11:08 PM
I'm sorry you're feeling all alone and helpless right now.

The truth is, nothing I or anyone else here can actually say anything to you that will truly make the pain go away. Its natural for you to feel loss right now, it would be totally unhealthy and dishonest for you to pretend that you didn't feel like a truck had just hit you right now. You need to let yourself grieve, and after enough time has passed only then can you slowly start to rebuild your life again. Its okay to feel terrible right now, in fact if you didn't and were actually happy then I'd say you were crazy!

January 26th, 2010, 11:48 PM
Hi coscass. Sorry to hear about your loss :( I am also going through a similar situation, as my grandfather is currently in hospice and will likely pass away any day now. When he first went into hospice about a week ago, I searched everywhere for distractions, but nothing helped for very long. I found the best I could do was try to keep my mind occupied, which was easier to do at work or in classes. However, I found that night time is the hardest (especially right before falling asleep), because the mind is free to wander where it will and tends to dwell on the loss.

And for me, the waiting is perhaps the worst part of it all. A man I love dearly is slowly dying, and I am powerless to stop it, and every day that he suffers kills me a little more.

I agree with Eric, something simple would be most appropriate. Since you mentioned that buns aren't your talent, you could also try a simple folded braid. There are instructions in the articles section, but the basic idea is to make a plain English braid, then fold it up to the top of your head and then fold any excess length underneath. Secure it to the top of your head with some sort of claw clip. A plain braid (French, English, or Dutch) would also suffice.

If braiding isn't your cup of tea, well, I don't know what to tell you. You could leave it down or put it into a ponytail. I will likely do a basic half-up with a plain barrette.

January 27th, 2010, 12:38 AM
Sorry to hear about your cousin. :grouphug: I'll keep you and all your family in my prayers.

January 27th, 2010, 04:36 AM
I am very sorry for your loss. :flowers:

Clearly you are quite good at making a single braid. I agree with the idea of a folded braid. It's extremely easy to do.

January 27th, 2010, 05:23 AM
I'm really sorry to hear about your loss:grouphug: I know the feeling...I can understand what you're going through..you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I agree with the others, a simple bun or a basic braid should do.

January 27th, 2010, 05:27 AM
I'm sorry to hear about your loss :(. I agree with the previous posters...something simple and elegant. If it were me I'd do a cinnibun.

January 27th, 2010, 05:44 AM
Not really a 'hair answer' but I just went to my old mum's funeral in the stuff I wore anyway - it's what I wore when she was alive and it seemed daft to do anything else just because she was dead.

I guess what I'm saying is that whatever you feel comfortable wearing is what you do IMHO

Gothic Lolita
January 27th, 2010, 05:51 AM
I'm sorry for your loss. And I don's think it's inappropriate to worr about your hair for the funeral, it's simply your midn trying to distract you from pain and very understandable.

Yesterday two years ado my grandfather passed away and I immediately called my BF because I couldn' deal with the situation. And I also wondered what to do with my hair. I can't remeber the day very well but I believe I did a simply cinnamon bun, just held with hairpins, no decorations as sticks..... I didn't feel like doing something pretty that day.

If you feel the need to give in to the pain, simply do it. You don't need to justify it and it help you to deal with your loss.:grouphug:

January 27th, 2010, 06:59 AM
First, I'm sorry for your loss. May you find peace. :grouphug:

I don't think it's inappropriate that you're worrying on your appearance for the funeral. Of course you want present a sombre and respectful front, and your hair is a part of that. I had to attend a beloved great-uncle's funeral in December of 2008, and I wore black slacks, a back sweater with a white button-down underneath, and put my hair in a simple French braid and turned its tail up into a bun.
That being said, this past summer a dear friend from faire passed on, and I wore a big, bright red skirt with a black overlay and a black shirt to his funeral. My hair? loose and curly. Really, it depends on your relationship to the person who you've lost. In any case, since this is family, I recommend something simple, neat, and easy that you don't have to fuss over during the day; you'll have many other things on your mind. The folded bun idea seems like a clean, elegant statement to make with your hair.

January 27th, 2010, 07:29 AM
Your family has my condolences, and I am sorry youre having to go through this.

January 27th, 2010, 07:46 AM
I'm sorry for your loss.

For funerals I have twice now worn my hair in a sleek, low pony tail, with the pony tail holder covered with a twisted section of hair held in place with a bobby pin. Nice, easy, simple. If there is a service people will most likely be right behind you, so pay attention to the back, you want something that won't fall or be distracting.

January 27th, 2010, 08:58 AM
When my mom died, I put my hair into a dutch crown braid. At the time it was just about classic length, so it wasn't TOO difficult to do. But, the reason I chose this 'do was because it was extremely comfortable, I could put a hairnet over it and didn't have much in the way of stray frizzies, and didn't hardly have to worry about it for about a week. We had two funerals for her, one in Southern California, and one in Northern California, which is where she was buried. I had to do a good deal of traveling, and so did my hair, and although most would argue that it was TOO elegant of a hairdo, it was very practical and distracting to construct.

January 27th, 2010, 09:19 AM
I'm sorry for your loss. :(

And I'd also suggest wearing black with just a simple bun.

January 27th, 2010, 01:05 PM
I'm sorry for your loss. :(

Anything neat works, I think. Whether that means loose, in a ponytail, a single braid, bunned, etc; whatever looks neatest to you.

January 27th, 2010, 01:24 PM
I am so sorry to hear about your loss, its an awful thing to grieve for somebody who you loved.
For my dads funeral I wore my hair up with spirals to soften the look.

January 27th, 2010, 01:42 PM
In my opinion nothing is "inappropriate" or as you say "moronic" to be worrying about after you have lost a loved one. We all react to grief in strange and different ways and often thinking or working out these tiny details helps focus on something concrete and solvable at a time when everything seems quite difficult. I took a class on the Psychology of death and dying and we read legions of stories about people who, after the death of a family member, felt they absolutely had to polish all the silver in the house or finally fix the drapes, or wax the hardwood floors or whatever. You should feel no need to apologize for your reaction to a death.

I find braided buns a lot more easy to secure and make than regular buns, so you might try that as they also look simple and understated.

January 27th, 2010, 03:03 PM
I am very sorry about your loss.
And always remember; it is okay to feel that way in times like these, and we all respect and understand your feelings, and a lot of us have been there ourselves. It's never easy dealing with the loss of a loved one. :grouphug:

As far as the hairstyle goes, a very simple bun (sock bun, cinnamon bun, etc.) and if you really, truly can't make it right, a folded braid or anything simple like so would be appropriate.

January 27th, 2010, 03:09 PM
:grouphug: I am so sorry for your loss.
I wore a rope braided bun because I liked how the pieces spiraled around and intertwined with one another, I thought it was a very symbolic of life and love.. you know, intertwined and in a circle.

January 27th, 2010, 03:55 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss :grouphug:. Please try to find some time to take care of yourself, when my father-in-law died my poor DH ran himself into the ground trying to deal with everything and take care of his mother. I know it is easiest to keep busy so that you don't have time to think, but please look out for your health.
As for what to wear and how to do your hair, most people at the funeral won't even remember or care and if they do then they are not the type of folks whose opinion I would worry about (IMHO). That being said, you can't go wrong with some simple black clothing and an sleek hairdo. Most people in the nonLHC world don't really do much in the way of braids or updos so even styles we consider very simple like a french braid, tucked french braid, french twist, beebutt bun, sock bun, braided bun, and cinna bun look very dressy and special to them and perfect for a funeral. If these seem like too much work a simple wrapped pony tail can be very understated and elegant. You might also consider wearing your hair loose, being able to lower your head and let a curtain of hair fall around your face can give a bit of private space to grieve in if you don't like to show your emotions in public.

January 27th, 2010, 05:22 PM
Funerals in my family are generally meant to be a celebration of the person's life, and basically a party we host after the death of the person,(And then there's the burial, and any applicable religious rites for that, though for those, the family doesn't show up. If it's sprinkling of ashes, it's generally the spouse or siblings, if living who do that. If not, it's the person closest in age to them generally speaking.) so I would personally probably do a flashy hair style. My cousin showed up in drag to our grandmother's funeral, because he knew it would be something she would have approved of(she was one of the first gay rights supporters way back when.), and I was expected not to go as it was the week of my finals, and before her dymensia sunk in deeply, she was very pro education for women and would have likely objected to a descendant of her's skipping school for a funeral, because she would have rather seen me when she was alive and well. (Which she did, but I was quite young then). When one of my great uncles died, he told us(Well beforehand) that none of his family was to go to his funeral because his wife wanted an open casket funeral and wanted it to be more serious and display him as a different man than he was, so he didn't want their last memories to be of a serious man who worked hard his whole life, as opposed to well, a brilliant slacker who joked around a lot but still got by. I don't disagree with ideas like that though.

However, for most people, they are a solemn occasion, so probably the simplier the better. Honestly, we all react to the loss of a loved one oddly.

It all depends on the situation. If a person has been ill for years, I wouldn't think it's wrong to be happy for them that they're out of their suffering, and not really that sad, esp if they had some sort of mental illness that prevented them from recognizing family members. I think we were all glad when my grandmother died, including herself, because she quite frankly had hated her life in her final years when she was aware of what was going on.

I wouldn't think worrying about your hair is that crazy of a thing to worry about. Think of the whole Victorian mourning crazes. Really, the first thing you do after a loved one dies is cut a lock of their hair? And go shopping! (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but most people would have some sort of emotion first, I'd hope!)

A low bun might be hard, but can you do a scrunchie bun with an elastic if you braid your hair first? That might be the simplist and most respectful style. I've also heard that it's best to wear your hair loose and uncombed to show your grieving, but I suppose it would vary. I would personally think about what your cousin would have liked you to have done with your hair, and then do that.

I am very sorry for your loss.

January 27th, 2010, 06:36 PM
Sorry about your cousin. It's hard, losing people. Never gets easier, either.

I'd suggest dark clothing and a hairstyle that you don't have to fool with during the day of the funeral, something simple that will be out of your way.

January 27th, 2010, 09:04 PM
I'm very sorry to hear about your cousin. :grouphug:
When my grandpa died, I did the same thing (trying to distract myself with trivial things like hair), to stave the pain. It was very difficult, and I'm sure it is for you too.

I have little advice in terms of hair; for my grandpa's funeral I wore a black veil over my hair, so I just put it in a low pinned bun. Even if it isn't custom for you to wear a veil, a low pinned bun is good. If that is difficult, a braided bun is easier.

I will pray for you and your family as well.

January 27th, 2010, 11:40 PM
We went to DH's grandma's funeral a few months ago. I wore a French twist held by a plain Ficcare. It seemed appropriate and minimalist. DH just had his hair held back with a plain barrette. Both the Ficcare and his barrette made the airport security gate beep.

January 28th, 2010, 12:12 AM
A loss of a loved one is always a shock and it's handled in so many ways. I don't think black is absolutely necessary. Many years ago I went to my BIL's father's funeral, and his widow was wearing pink and celebrating his "return home". For some it may be dark and somber, for some it's a more accepted part of the lifecycle and is celebrated as such. These days there seems to be no set protocol for it.

I am sorry for your loss, however you express it, it's meaningful. Follow your heart, whether it's to wear your hair down or pulled back, up or twisted is irrelevant. Whatever's comfortable for you in being there to say a fond farewell to your cousin.

January 28th, 2010, 01:29 AM
:grouphug: I wore a hawser-braided bun to my grandfather's funeral, with some black jeweled sticks.

January 28th, 2010, 02:37 AM
I have no suggestions but I'm sorry for your loss.