Could you help me figure out how to help this hair?

[ecologystudent]

Ok, so here's the deal. I know how to take care of my hair, and it has no problems, it doesn't really tangle, and it's nice and shiny.

My fiancé's hair on the other hand, has a few problems, and he's asked me to help make his hair all nice and healthy too. I have no idea how to to that! He has hair issues that I've not had to deal with, and he has curly hair (I think somewhere between 2C and 3A) while I have pretty straight hair.

First off, he has a very flaky scalp, that all the dandruff shampoos in the world didn't help. It got a bit better when I had him conditioner only wash and oiled his scalp a few times, but it didn't really fix it.
On top of that, his hair almost always looks oily and greasy (which COing and oiling didn't really help with).

He also has curls (that he doesn't really like), and his length tangles like mad- kind of like almost mini-dreds, only all tangled and matted together (the worst one I saw was about the diameter of a pencil, and was about 5 inches long). He currently uses a wooden bristle paddle brush with pretty widely spaced tines, and doesn't really like brushing (I have told him to switch to combing, but he says he doesn't like combs), so he brushes probably every other day or so, and isn't very gentle at all (complete with the sounds of snapping hair.....).

He hasn't dyed his hair, or used any products, or done much of anything to it at all, aside from wearing it in a pony tail. Oh, and it is a bit below arm pit length now.

Ideally I'd like to find a way that makes his hair be all nice, but is easy enough that he'll do it.


Help?

[Flaxen]

A vinegar rinse might help his scalp problems. As for the tangling, he's simply going to have to comb it (or use the paddle brush) more often than he does. The matting comes from not detangling in some form every day. He could CO every day or at least wet his hair and detangle with a little conditioner. His plan of "benign neglect" is a little too heavy on the "neglect" right now. :flower:

[spidermom]

He should try combing conditioner through in the shower. Or maybe you could comb conditioner through for him. I'm sure it would benefit him to leave some in - just not on his scalp.

It might also help to dilute the shampoo in a little water then shake well so that he can get even spread of shampoo all over his head. I would guess that he has a hard time getting it everywhere if he's got oily hair even after washing. This might also be aggravating the scalp condition (inability to really get the scalp clean). Follow with a long rinse and leave some conditioner in the hair.

[ecologystudent]

Thank you both! I'll have to get him to try those and see how it works.

[GoddesJourney]

I've noticed that a lot of guys just go through the motion of scrubbing their scalp to lather their hair, but they don't really dig in with their fingertips. This does not really get the scalp clean, especially for someone with oily hair. Your experience with your fiance is similar to my husband. His hair is shorter but a mix between curly and wavy while mine is fairly straight. First and foremost, I switched him to SLS free and cone free stuff so he can do his daily washing without destroying his hair. He always had terrible dandruff so I used it as an excuse to push him to scrub his scalp a little more. He could tell which areas he wasn't scrubbing enough because there were dandruff patches there (bad ones).

Next, we addressed the dandruff issue. He had tried everything (or so he thought) with only temporary results. I found that Head and Shoulders Intense Therapy stuff (dark blue bottle) and it sorted out his dandruff issue in less than a week. It has a different ingredient than most dandruff shampoos. Anyway, he uses it about once a week or so to keep his dandruff in check, although I don't think he even really needs it anymore.

Tangling, this is awful. I started combing his hair with my wide tooth horn comb at night after showering. He loves it because it feels good on his scalp. Before long, I started finding it laying around next to his computer and the TV, so I know he likes to use it himself now. A few days ago, I realized that he rubs his hair all over in the shower when he's done pretending to scrub his scalp. He didn't know that that isn't necessary for cleaning hair and that it actually just makes tangles. Then I saw that he dries his hair with the towel in a manner that reminds me of how I play with my dog after bathing her. Hopefully, he will just hate tangles enough to take my word for it on those things. I'm trying to not let him tear through his hair with that little comb anyway.

My point is, piece at a time, you will probably start to notice the absurd things he's most likely doing that are tangling/damaging his hair that he never thought about. He probably doesn't need to do anything more than he's doing now, just do it differently.

If he's getting a lot of snags, he may need a little trim too. Sometimes all that velcro stuff makes more velcro stuff just through friction and you get those little mini-dreads that don't comb through so well.

Also, he will probably learn to like his curls more when they're healthier. I hope this helps you both. I found this to be a good learning experience with curly hair. It is quite likely that he will eventually give me a daughter with wild woman hair (my dream:gabigrin:) and now I know a lot more about how to care for it.

[melikai]

I would suggest that he try CWC washes, only conditioning from the ears down (not sure how long his hair is?), using a shampoo without sulfates. Sulfates gave my BF major flakes and scalp irritation as well.

If he's a curly, I think the key is to only use a wide-toothed comb, and maybe only when his hair is wet in the shower with conditioner in it, gently combing it out and then not touching it after that, leaving it to air dry.

HTH!