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hikari
January 5th, 2010, 09:19 PM
Please help me help her!

First, some background info, and this has turned into a somewhat long post, so apologies...

My sisters, S and T (twins) are 16 years old and completely sucked into the current stick-straight-is-the-only-way style. S washes her hair every other day with Pantene Sleek and Smooth shampoo and conditioner. She usually blow-dries and then straightens in small chunks with a Chi-comparable off-brand straightener. She has told me recently that about every other day, instead of straightening she wets her hair in the morning, scrunches to create waves (maybe with gel?), hairsprays it and puts it in a loose bun to hold in the waves, then leaves it down and pins it half-back for the day. She showers in the morning so she usually sleeps on whatever she did to it that day, hairspray and tangled waves and all.

Her hair is about mid-back and gorgeous from a distance but up close it makes me want to cry. Her ends are dry, crunchy, split on nearly every single hair and lots of breakage and little white spots indicating further breakage. It's awful, awful damage. She got about two inches trimmed off a couple months ago because of the damage.

It's so bad that I all but forced her to sit still last night and let me do hardcore S&D on her ends with my shears, but I gave up after a while because it was too much, and just gave a slight dusting to the very ends.

By comparison, T showers every other night, sleeps on her wet hair and straightens it in the morning. She's got little frizzies that stick up all over her hair but I inspected her ends last night and they are visibly good and they feel good, and it's been about 6 months since her last trim. Her hair is a big shorter, maybe a little above bra-length. I would have said that T is much more aggressive in straightening her hair but S's hair is seeing more of the damage. It's also been, historically, a little bit thinner than T's hair.

The problem is that she's unwilling to give up the straightener, even though I've begged her to just blow dry with a roundbrush and it would give her the same results...her hair is relatively straight when she dries it with the dryer and running her fingers through it already.

Is there anything that I can pass along to S to save her hair? Any advice or anything that she could do to protect her hair without giving up anything major (i.e. her current shampoo/conditioning practices and keeping her styles). What could be doing such horrific damage to her hair, if the straightener isn't affecting T's hair as much? I know that nothing can save the damage that's already there and I'm trying to convince her to let me take a couple of inches off and give her nice ends again. I just don't know what to do.

I know this is mostly a plea in vain, because I know what she needs to do is make major changes to the way she treats her hair. I haven't been to this board in a while but I used to lurk hardcore a couple of years ago, and I have nothing but the highest respect for all of you out there growing out long, healthy, beautiful hair. I just want my sister to like her hair too, and she hates the ends but I think she just ignores it right now and doesn't know what to do. And I can't give her advice that I use for my own hair because our hair is completely different. Hers is thin and fine and mostly straight, mine is thick and coarse and wavy.

Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. :)

GlassEyes
January 5th, 2010, 09:30 PM
Uh, it's her hair, and her choice. If she likes it that way...let her be? ):

You can't really force change on her. If she's asked for help, then you might recommend a trim of som sort, but that's about it.

spidermom
January 5th, 2010, 09:30 PM
If you've talked to her about this, and she hasn't changed her habits, you should leave her alone. It's her hair to abuse or not, as she sees fit. Try to get your mind out of her bad ends and onto something that you can control.

manderly
January 5th, 2010, 09:46 PM
Chiming in the same here. You've offered your advice, she doesn't seem interested and she likes what she's doing.

Just imagine if the tables were turned and she was pleading for help with how to get you to start flat ironing and heat styling your hair? I know most of us don't enjoy when people tell us our hair would "be so pretty, if only....."

xoxophelia
January 5th, 2010, 09:54 PM
The trend is soooo tempting! If she wants to spend the money you could tell her about thermal reconditioning. I had it years and years ago and it was lovely results (got it in Japan where it is cheaper though). She would never have to straighten her hair again until she got lots of new growth.

hikari
January 5th, 2010, 11:14 PM
Ugh, I'm such a pusher, I know.

But the main thing here is that she's not being all "it's my hair and I'll do what I want," it mostly just started from me looking at her hair and mourning the ends, and I'm a research-a-holic so when I see a problem I want to fix it. She doesn't know what to do to treat her hair healthier so she's content to just keep doing the same thing for lack of any other options.


My plea here was to find something that she could do to repair and/or protect her hair while she continues to do the same thing to her.

Also, for reference, T is very opinionated and forthright and never hesitates to tell me that my hair looks bad naturally and that I should use a flat-iron.

(and to be completely fair, I'm far from innocent--currently sporting a demi-permanent dye job and I do use a flat-iron on my whole head and have for several months now, but I'm not experiencing the same damage that S is, so I was just trying to help her out. Sorry that I seem to have irked a couple of people...)

manderly
January 5th, 2010, 11:54 PM
I know you're coming from a place of love, but really, if she wishes to continue to flat iron on a near-daily basis, there aren't THAT many options for her to protect her hair. You don't see too many flat iron junkies with hair longer than BSL for a reason.

The best thing I can suggest would be to use lots of cones, which she is already doing from what I understand. If she is unwilling to give up her flat iron for more hair friendly styling options, there's not much hope. :shrug:

Just give it a couple more years when she has to chop it all off and comes crying to big sis with the gorgeous hair looking for help.

Captain Nikki
January 6th, 2010, 12:46 AM
All i can suggest is telling her to ditch that Pantene Straight & Sleek (it's terrible stuff & never helped make my hair straighter) & buy Kerastase Nectar Thermique (seems to work at protecting hair from straightening iron damage & makes it smooth, soft & sleek.

Honey39
January 6th, 2010, 01:21 AM
Well, she's only 16 - good age to have the hair that you want, and to be honest, it will grow out quickly if she wants to change her routine. I would get another cut if I were her, maybe a couple of inches, and enjoy what she's doing.

I used to have shoulder length/collar bone length hair that I washed and straightened every day AND dyed - at that length, I got away with it because the damage was cut off regularly and it was short enough to take it. I suppose she could do that - and maybe take it a bit easy on the straighteners, trying to go every two / three days, perhaps? But hand on heart, at 16 I think she should enjoy experimenting with her hair if that's what she wants :)

Heavenly Locks
January 6th, 2010, 01:29 AM
If she's interested in getting her hair in better condition :) Direct her here so that she can educate herself to the level that she wants :flower:

Kris Dove
January 6th, 2010, 01:35 AM
Thin, fine hair does tend to be a lot more delicate than thicker hair types, which is probably part of the reason why hers is more damaged than yours or T's.

-A leave-in conditioner or heat protection spray might help,
-also, regular intensive conditioning treatments, leaving the conditioner in for as long as possible
-She should also clarify her hair regularly with a clarifying shampoo if using cones to prevent build up(basically any cone-free shampoo with sodium lauryth-sulfate as an ingredient will do, but some are specifically marketing as clarifying. I use Lush Rehab myself)
-gently combing, then braiding her hair overnight would help prevent tangles
-braiding would also create braid waves if she wants to create a wavy look
-she should invest in a good wide-toothed comb and brush without any balls at the end of the bristles(they rip hair). HTH

spidermom
January 6th, 2010, 08:03 AM
You might set her up with a trim and a deep conditioning treatment. There's SMT from this site or you might prefer a treatment you can buy. About twice a year, I get a conditioning treatment from my stylist. She uses Joico K-Pak Reconstructor, which is both protein and moisture, and puts me under the hood dryer for 20-30 minutes. That stuff is amazing.