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View Full Version : Hair just isn't up there in some people's priorties



Merlin
April 27th, 2008, 09:35 AM
Really the opposite of a long hair story this one, but it might be symptomatic of a lot of other people's lives..

One of the women in our support team just got a fabulous haircut, I mean out of this world fabulous! It's short, but she likes short and has the bones to pull this cut off. She went from a longer bob to a shorter bob a couple of months ago and when I commented on that she said it was great of me to notice as her husband hadn't.

When I saw the cut she got last week I said how great it was, to which she said that "When I came in the morning I knew that if you saw it you'd notice and say something!" When I asked if her husband had noticed this one (and it was a dramatic change) she said he had.

His comment was...

"Is that it then?" and went back to whatever he was doing...

:rolleyes:

paper
April 27th, 2008, 09:43 AM
Men :rolleyes:

Thats nice you noticed and said something.

Isilya
April 27th, 2008, 09:50 AM
I think it comes with the slight hair obsession lots of us here have. I notice every change hairwise of the people in my class (headhair and beards) :o
I once saw an old friend talking to an old ex-fellow-student and immediately said 'Did you cut your hair? It looks great!' and she was surprised I noticed. The boy she was talking to hadn't :rolleyes:
It's a bit rude, though, for that woman's husband to be so uninterested. I'm happy you 'made up' for his behabiour :)

Unofficial_Rose
April 27th, 2008, 09:54 AM
I think it comes with the slight hair obsession lots of us here have. I notice every change hairwise of the people in my class (headhair and beards) :o
I once saw an old friend talking to an old ex-fellow-student and immediately said 'Did you cut your hair? It looks great!' and she was surprised I noticed. The boy she was talking to hadn't :rolleyes:
It's a bit rude, though, for that woman's husband to be so uninterested. I'm happy you 'made up' for his behabiour :)

If he's not a bit more attentive, someone may *really* make up for his behaviour :evil: kwim!

Unofficial_Rose
April 27th, 2008, 09:59 AM
Sorry for double post but I just had to say - the way for a woman to strike terror into her partner is to utter the dreaded words "Notice something different about me?" :laugh:

Not sure what it is but most men cannot seem to spot hair/clothes things :shrug:

birthmarkie
April 27th, 2008, 10:05 AM
It is really nice when people do notice. I know people who don't, however. My dad is one. He just doesn't notice hair. Also, I had two former coworkers who did not say one word when I got my hair cut from BSL to a bob. Perhaps they just did not like it, but not to say anything? I, on the other hand, tend to notice even when people get trims. It takes all kinds to make the world go round :)

Saranne772
April 27th, 2008, 10:20 AM
Very true!!

People have said to me "I didnt realise your hair was so long" when I stop wearing it up and have it down. But my father never notices any changes clothes etc.

I notice trims too. One of my friends trimmed her hair back. She is Indian and has the most lovely thick thick thick long black hair :inlove::cloud9: I make sure she doesnt cut anymore, she knows she would be a big trouble if she does ;) (she wouldnt anyway)

nomadhome
April 27th, 2008, 10:27 AM
Sorry for double post but I just had to say - the way for a woman to strike terror into her partner is to utter the dreaded words "Notice something different about me?" :laugh:

Not sure what it is but most men cannot seem to spot hair/clothes things :shrug:

Hehe. Yeah. I have a male friend whose mom taught him to notice things from a very young age. In part because she is an artist and feels that being observant is important and in part because she didn't want her son to grow up to be one of those guys. She even played games with him to teach him to notice. One example-- they'd spend hours on trains in Europe and when he got bored, she'd cover her ears and have him describe her earrings from memory.

justgreen
April 27th, 2008, 10:28 AM
Cyk never notices my hair. Not even when I went brown/blonde a few months back. Actually, he can't see well unless he wears his readers, so I could probably get away with murder.

birdiefu
April 27th, 2008, 10:30 AM
I'm often guilty of not noticing when my husband cuts his hair. But, he does get it cut like once a week- sides shaved and flattish on top (I personally don't like the look as it looks like a beaver tail to me, but DH likes it). I try to notice it the day it gets cut, but often I'll be like, "Oh, did you cut your hair?" and he says it was two days ago! But I'm also guilty of forgetting our anniversary two years in a row... (And he did at the same time once, we were like...oh I think it was our anniversary last week! We don't put too much stock in dates)

kwaniesiam
April 27th, 2008, 10:31 AM
Since LHC I'm way more observant of hair than I ever used to be. At least you gave her a nice compliment. It seems to me that men generally don't notice more girly things like that. It took my favorite teacher a week to notice when I changed my hair (rather drastically I'd say) and then a week after that to notice I got my nose pierced, and I see him for several hours every day.

Irishred
April 27th, 2008, 12:11 PM
OMG, my dad was about the same way. Unless you asked him, he wouldn't notice much unless it was like waist to a bob or dark brown to bright red (my mom did that once).

Fee
April 27th, 2008, 12:26 PM
If that was my man,he sure wouldn't get any desert after dinner! So rude! It's a nice you complimented her,you sure made her day!

Masara
April 27th, 2008, 01:48 PM
When I used to get my hair cut, I learnt to tell my husband I was going to the hairdresser's before I went. That way he could possibly prepare himself to notice. Otherwise, we would get embarrassing moments a few weeks later when a friend would say "oh, I really like your new cut/colour ...." and my husband would say "what cut/colour?"

On Friday, one of the girls at the kids' dance club came in with a new hair cut and colour and eveyone raved about it. After a momnet my husband took me to one side and asked what her hair had looked like before. He had no memory of it. Of course, you can't expect him to memorise every hair style of every student in his daughters' dance club, only this one happens to an ex-pupil of his. She was right in front of him in class 4 hours a week for 2 years. But he still has no idea what her hair was like.

Alaskanheart
April 27th, 2008, 03:38 PM
My husband usually notices things like that, only if its an obvious change, if its just a few inches or cleaning up a cut or a tint or little highlights he doesnt really notice.It doesnt really bother me when he doesnt notice stuff like that, it actually is comforting to know that to him I look good even without the new outfit, new hairstyle, make-up etc, I could be in the least fashionable outfit with no make-up and 5 inch roots and he will still be interested...The one thing he did notice was when I changed my haircolor all the time from blonde to brown to red and all colors in between, he thought it was fun and kept things from getting boring. Most Men just dont worry about those things like we do.

Its very nice of you to compliment her, I think we women need to start complimenting eachother more, it seems like sometimes women are so competitive and jealous that they are negative or rude instead of complimenting and kind to eachother.

SpiralingWaves
April 27th, 2008, 03:58 PM
That was very nice of you to notice her hair cuts. I think you made her day, both times. I agree LHCers are more hair oriented, but I was like that before LHC. I just have a good memory when it comes to people's hair and faces. And my Dh notices when ever I do anything to my hair, but I think he is more hair focused than the average guy. In fact, if he hadn't lost his hair, he would most likely have it long, or at least as long as he could get away with in his chosen career.

Carolyn
April 27th, 2008, 04:42 PM
I don't think most people notice hair changes. Not one person has commented on my hair going from tailbone to hip length. Mr Cranky hasn't said anything and I know he doesn't know it's any different. It doesn't really bother me as my hair is for me, it's not for him to notice me or give me compliments on :shrug: I've gotten high lights numerous times, a couple of perms in the 80s, bangs, layers, and some length changes. Never once has he noticed anything different. I feel I'm very lucky that he doesn't notice new clothes or new things around the house. He doesn't have a clue. I can do what I want and buy what I want without the dreaded "is that new?" question. I think it's best that I do these things for myself and not think about other people's reactions. A compliment from a friend is a pleasant surprise. I'd drop dead from shock if the Cranky One noticed anything.

jesamyn
April 27th, 2008, 05:06 PM
I think I would be more hurt by that reaction than if he didn't notice at all. How rude!

I think a lot of it comes from what interests you or what your 'thing' is. I know that many people don't notice hair and such unless it's drastic. I'm one of the hair-obsessed, and I do notice. However, you can easily get away with wearing the same clothes every day around me. I don't remember outfits at all!

zift
April 27th, 2008, 05:14 PM
Men :rolleyes:


Why "men" and roll eyes:confused: if I'm wrong or the OP is a man himself or not?But he does notice and my BF notices the single little thing about my hair too and he's a man.:) Not all people like and think about long hair though:flowers:

DaveDecker
April 27th, 2008, 05:32 PM
Why "men" and roll eyes:confused: if I'm wrong or the OP is a man himself or not?But he does notice and my BF notices the single little thing about my hair too and he's a man.:) Not all people like and think about long hair though:flowers:

I agree with your challenge to the generalization, as I know the "criticism" is not true for all men. But I didn't take offense because the insensitivity/unobservant comment doesn't describe me. I also think the "men :rolleyes: " thing is sort of a societal :no: :shrug: feeling some (many?) women have or share amongst themselves to express their general disappointments with perceived shortcomings of "what they hope for" vs. "what they get." Or maybe I'm just clueless and talking nonsense. :lol:

zift
April 27th, 2008, 05:44 PM
... Or maybe I'm just clueless and talking nonsense. :lol:

No Dave why would you be clueless? You don't have to be the same gender to observe and rationale about people's behaviours. Your words made a lot of sense to me.;)
ETA: And I think that it's not only with women,men tend to have some similar "pppfff women:rolleyes: " approach as well. I've come to believe that the system pumps estragement between the sexes to increase degeneration in society so that they could control it better.Ugh does it make any sense?

darl_in1
May 1st, 2008, 08:16 AM
When I cut mine from mid-butt length back to BSL, quite a few people didn't notice and some even expressed shock when they heard others commenting

"What? Have you had you're hair cut?"

"Errr...yeah....only about 3 foot of it"

Patrycja
May 1st, 2008, 08:35 AM
I recently went from a brownish/golden color to a burgundy.My husband says,when he first seen it,"I don't notice much of a difference"....There was a huge difference..but-he's not all that observative unless it comes to work.

Xandergrammy
May 1st, 2008, 08:59 AM
Maybe it was her husband's way of expressing disapproval? "So is that it then?" could mean "Are you done chopping your hair shorter and shorter?".

Nightshade
May 1st, 2008, 10:25 AM
And I think that it's not only with women,men tend to have some similar "pppfff women:rolleyes: " approach as well. I've come to believe that the system pumps estragement between the sexes to increase degeneration in society so that they could control it better.Ugh does it make any sense?

I just tend to think that women notice these things, not because they care, but because most women are very in tune with their "competition".

Let's put it this way, a woman doesn't expect her husband to notice how perfectly her shoes match her outfit, but she'd expect her best friend to.

Maybe I'm biased because of my perception that 90% of women are back-stabbing harpies. Thankfully we have the other 10% here who actually believes in support rather than tear-downs.

harley mama
May 1st, 2008, 10:40 AM
I always thought my DH never noticed my hair. He isn't one to fawn over me or go on about the way I look. As long as I am happy with myself, he is OK with pretty much whatever.

But, I got a surprise after I started chemo. One day we were sitting across from each other in a little cafe and he was looking at me. I asked what was wrong. He said, "You have lost a lot of hair since you have been on chemo. You're hair is not a thick on the top as it was when you started the treatments."

Yeah, he noticed! My hair. He actually noticed that it was thinner. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and assured me that it would grow back as once the chemo is over. It was so sweet! So, what do I know? Here all this time I didn't think he paid attention to stuff like that.

Rosamaria
May 2nd, 2008, 07:36 AM
I've just got to say a word about the positive side of some men not noticing things. My DH doesn't notice clothes or hair, and never notices that I'm looking particularly wonderful today:p. However, he also doesn't notice when I look like something the cat has dragged in!

I once had a boyfriend who paid extreme attention to my clothes, shoes, hair etc. Boy, did I get tired of the pressure!! :rolleyes: I gave him the big E and found myself a more easy-going guy !(DH)

Suldrun
May 2nd, 2008, 08:57 AM
Rosamaria I can totally relate. I dated a guy who kept his house emaculate I thought "oh how nice". Um no not so much. Everything had to be cleaned up before we left the house:confused: so we were always late. Being late bothers me more then a messy house so we were always at odds. I also felt scrutinized at my own house . I put all the dishes in the sink full of soapy water and then at the end of the day I load everything at one time into the dishwasher and then turn it on over night. He wanted the sink clean, sounds like a small thing but it became very annoying. I prefer a more laid back guy myself:) but my ex may be some womens dream man:shrug:

He also always looked put together. The downside was he always noticed the way I looked good or bad:( Not as much fun as it seems at first. He noticed 5 lbs of weight on me etc... he was not mean about it but I felt a lot of scrutany and pressure I felt like I was dating a girl lol omg are we that annoying :p. He did buy me clothes as he loved to shop and he had great taste so that was nice. But I am in general a comfort dresser rather then style I think he needed a women who was more into that and we were just not a match.

The moral of the story is " the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence" :D

longhair4jesus
May 2nd, 2008, 09:08 AM
I think my wife is obsessed somewhat with her hair. I wish she would realize that it doesn't look bad and move on. When I get home from work she always has to ask what's my hair today on a 1 to 10 and before we go somewhere she has to do and redo her hair several times and will then come to me and say ok 1 to 10. I mean I am honest but sometimes I am thinking it is just hair. Maybe men are just alot different or maybe it is a self esteem issue since she is always thinking this or that person is thinner or has prettier hair, etc. I wish I could find a way to help her accept herself and feel confident.

loras
May 2nd, 2008, 11:29 AM
My whole family (mom+dad+6 adults now) have very thick curly hair.
When my older sister was ~ 25 (Holy..! *I* am 20 now :O time goes by fast), she got her hair straightened for the first time ever.. We were all interested, since none of us had straightened ours before. It looked cute on her...

My dad didn't notice a thing O_o
No, he's not blind, he's a carpenter for God's sake! :P

Islandgrrl
May 2nd, 2008, 04:49 PM
I'm often guilty of not noticing when my husband cuts his hair. <snip> But I'm also guilty of forgetting our anniversary two years in a row... (And he did at the same time once, we were like...oh I think it was our anniversary last week! We don't put too much stock in dates)

I'm right there with you on this one. Since hubby started cutting his own hair a while back I hate to admit it, but I hardly ever notice. But come on...going from 1/8" long all over to 1/16" long all over is, well, visually not very dramatic!

Oh, and I forgot our anniversary this year. And my own birthday last year. (making an L on my forehead with my thumb & index finger)...

LisaJaney
May 2nd, 2008, 08:37 PM
I think my wife is obsessed somewhat with her hair. I wish she would realize that it doesn't look bad and move on. When I get home from work she always has to ask what's my hair today on a 1 to 10 and before we go somewhere she has to do and redo her hair several times and will then come to me and say ok 1 to 10. I mean I am honest but sometimes I am thinking it is just hair. Maybe men are just alot different or maybe it is a self esteem issue since she is always thinking this or that person is thinner or has prettier hair, etc. I wish I could find a way to help her accept herself and feel confident.

Longhair, is she a member here? Sometimes it's easier for us to get advice from 'strangers' than from those we know well. My oldest boy trusted EVERYTHING his Kindergarten teacher told him, even over what *I* told him. Why not? She never made him eat all his BROCCOLI, after all! Sometimes it's easier to take advice from someone when you aren't washing their underwear, is all I'm saying. ;) So: IS she a member here yet?

hrimfaxi
May 2nd, 2008, 08:56 PM
I dunno... maybe men don't always notice hair/clothing changes, but, well, maybe that means they like us for other characteristics? Like personality and stuff? :shrug: Maybe I'm being overly optimistic, but I don't really think so... ;)

All the same, I'm all for making nice comments to people; comments like that often make someone's day!

Saoirse
May 2nd, 2008, 09:48 PM
Some people are very in tune with this sort of things, others aren't -- mm?

I've met people who, upon getting to know me, very quickly picked up on the long hair -- they saw the braid/bun/length and instantly engaged with the idea that 'Saoirse has very long hair'. To other people it just isn't a part of the package, and it has taken months (presumably there are still some who are unaware) for them to notice the length of my plait! C'est la vie.

lilalong
May 3rd, 2008, 03:49 AM
I have to admit, I'm really bad noticing mens hair cuts too.

When I see a friend with a new haircut, I understand in the back of my head that he looks a bit different, but I can never really point my fingers on it.

I once had a boyfriend, who changed the style of his beard frequently. I never noticed.

With women, the changes are usually more drastic. I rarely comment on it either.

Jason
May 3rd, 2008, 10:02 AM
I almost never compliment someone over a haircut. Most of the time I can't honestly say I like it better so I'm not going to lie just to make someone feel good. OTOH I'm extremely hair conscious and will notice the changes in people's hair.

When I see someone growing from short to long I compliment them as much as I can without them thinking I'm too weird.:p Most of us here just have a different mindset towards hair. It's almost like talking a different language when compared to others who are largely ambivalent about hair whether their own or on others.

I'm thankful for this hair 'refuge'!:)

blue_nant
June 28th, 2008, 02:51 PM
So, what do I know? Here all this time I didn't think he paid attention to stuff like that.

My DH is sneaky like that, too ... I mean ... he notices and just clams up. It can be irritating. There are things he does not notice, and things he really does notice, and I can't figure out when things are noticed or not or which kinds of things. So I have to assume he notices it all and just shrug it off and do what I want.

:taz: :guns: :rant:

meh
bah
nerr!


Oh, and I forgot our anniversary this year. And my own birthday last year. I do both of those all the time. I'm getting better about my birthday. I'm alone in this, lol.

hurricane_gia
June 28th, 2008, 04:16 PM
I'm often guilty of not noticing when my husband cuts his hair.

It depends on what I'm doing or thinking about when he comes home from the haircut. :p If I'm just sitting around reading or surfing the web, I notice it the second he walks in the door. But if I'm in the middle of a serious sewing project, then I will say hello to him and even give him a kiss, but I don't actually see him; all I see is my sewing project. It may take days for me to come out of the sewing-haze and notice the people around me.


But I'm also guilty of forgetting our anniversary two years in a row... (And he did at the same time once, we were like...oh I think it was our anniversary last week! We don't put too much stock in dates)

I remember the day and month, but never the year. This is mainly because I have a great-aunt who always sends me an anniversary card during that week, and she has written "Apr.8" on the back of the envelope, in pencil, to remind herself to mail it in time! When her card arrives, I just flip over the envelope and there is my anniversary date! Then I just hope I haven't already scheduled something else for that evening.

However, since we lived together for several years before we eloped, and we considered ourselves common-law married for all those years, I don't really remember what year it was that we actually filed the paperwork, so to speak. So when people ask me how long I've been married, I just make a guess. Or I say, "We moved in together in 1999, but I don't remember when we actually got our certificate." I only remember it was 1999 because when we were getting ready for the millennium-themed New Years Eve party, my earrings were in storage . . . .

hurricane_gia
June 28th, 2008, 04:21 PM
I once remembered my birthday, but I'd been in such a habit of thinking of myself as the previous age (it was a nice even number) that I continued to think of myself as that age. Then, six months after my birthday, a friend was whining about the perils of getting older and how he didn't want to be the age he was . . . and I thought, "He can't be that old! He's six months younger than me and I'm only . . . oh hey!"

Oneya
June 30th, 2008, 12:08 AM
I notice everything, cuts, highlights, any growth, if the hair seems more damaged or healthy etc.:bigeyes:( that's me looking at everyones hair) It's bad.