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View Full Version : Why Is The Urge To Cut So Strong?



SunshineHair
December 22nd, 2009, 01:33 AM
Hey There!
Ok so, I had long hair, to my butt as a child then got it all cut off to my shoulders, where it stayed short through many more cuts till I was 12. Grew it to the middle of my back got it cut short again. I got a little older, grew it to the middle of my back then cut it to my shoulders. See a pattern here by any chance??

Every time my hair would reach about the middle of my back I would cut it off to shoulder length, and hate it! I have dreamed of long hair which once I got it I would cut it off. I have done this same thing all my life!

The last massive, horrible cut was late 2006. I was very unhappy, and I take it out on my hair. It was to the middle of my back, and this time I cut it to my scalp. Of course I cried over what I had done, and for the first 2 years had to live with hair so short I couldnt do a thing with it. And there was that whole looking like a boy thing, blah!

So now my hair is 17 inches, or as I call it, 4 1/2 tight hand grips long :) It was 5 tight hand grips last week but I had to cut the ends off because they felt sticky and were getting tangled pretty bad. Oh and before that it was almost a year ago that I took off some inches due to chemicle damage. But it looks better at the ends, even shines :)

I am worried! It is close to being what I consider long again and I am so scared I will cut it again. Thats one reason I joined this site!! I thought maybe being on here will keep those shears out of my hands (except for split end cutting when I see the little boogers)

There has to be other people out there (or on here) that also cut their hair even though they want it long! I cant be the only crazy person with this issue!!

Debra83
December 22nd, 2009, 01:56 AM
I think we've all been there at one point! What I've seen recommended on this site and seems like a good idea is the "two week rule". When you get the urge to cut, mark it on the calendar and wait a full two weeks before taking the next step. Then you know if you really want to cut, or if it was just a spur of the moment, emotional burst.

I think then, that if you still want to cut, consider bangs, or just take off half an inch. Then wait another two full weeks before deciding whether or not that was enough before doing more. Hopefully, by then, the crazy voices will stop telling you to cut!!!! Good luck!!! And happy growing!!!! :D

Athena's Owl
December 22nd, 2009, 01:57 AM
yeah, there are people on the site who struggle with this. you're not alone. I see posts along this theme pretty often.

julliams
December 22nd, 2009, 03:14 AM
I have posted this same response to another poster today so sorry if you have already read this. I was doing the same thing. I looked at my photos since 2006 and I have had the same hair all these years. I get to below BSL and then I go and get it cut with layers. I find that I get my hair cut about every 6 months so I seem to cut off all that growth and then of course inevitibly hate it because of the layers.

I think I go and get my hair cut because I am wanting to pamper myself. Perhaps you can go to the salon for a treatment and blowdry - just forget the cut. I personally do an SMT at least once a week and I find that this gives me some pampering time and I kind of get over the cutting.

Something else that has helped me is a visual diary. I have been taking a photo of my hair out from the back whilst wearing a striped shirt once each month. I measure the growth and put a pin at the last length so that if I want to try the shirt on in the middle of the month, I can see if I have had some progress. This keeps be focused, enthused and so far I have kept the cuts at bay. I also do a S & D every so often which means that my split ends are dealt with. Hope you get past this and are able to enjoy your length.

Juliette

Dreams_in_Pink
December 22nd, 2009, 03:21 AM
looks like you want a change. I suggest you try some new toys, wet setting options, updos, flat irons (theyre bad but no worse than chopping your hair, don't y'all think? ), clip-in extensions in a variety of colours...etc. These might give you a whole new look and make you love your long hair :)

georgia_peach
December 22nd, 2009, 06:24 AM
Something else that has helped me is a visual diary. I have been taking a photo of my hair out from the back whilst wearing a striped shirt once each month. I measure the growth and put a pin at the last length so that if I want to try the shirt on in the middle of the month, I can see if I have had some progress. This keeps be focused, enthused and so far I have kept the cuts at bay.

Juliette

This, for sure. Cutting my hair and regretting it has been my story for many, MANY years. Only since I joined AND started a monthly photo journal on this site have I lost the urge to cut my hair. Best of luck to you!

halo_tightens
December 22nd, 2009, 06:32 AM
I think it mainly boils down to one thing: instant gratification.

If you have an image in your mind of how you want your long, long hair to look when it's "finished," you're going to have to wait a very long time to achieve that look. On the other hand, you can visualize a shorter style than the one you have-- and have it instantly!!

Sometimes that's just too tempting to pass up if you're feeling impatient and unhappy with how your hair looks at a particular stage. :)

Curlsgirl
December 22nd, 2009, 06:57 AM
I used to be like this EXACTLY! Now it has finally gotten to where I am the opposite! It takes a lot for me to cut off ANY hair even if the ends need it! I just got a 2 inch trim not too long ago and it killed me though I really needed it and the ends look a lot better. I agree with what others have said. Try a new hair toy or a new style, take pictures, do deep treatments and make a promise to yourself that you are NOT going to cut for 6 months and maybe longer if you don't have any damage. Then just cut a half inch or so if you need to do SOMETHING. Good luck! Don't forget the 2 week rule but honestly even that didn't help me back when I got the urge. I would get it and then wait 2 weeks and sometime after that I would get the urge again and remember that I had it more than 2 weeks before so I would give myself "permission" for another UNWANTED CUT. You are not alone! But maybe if you go for a goal longer than you have ever had and vow not to cut at least until then it would help too.

Leena7
December 22nd, 2009, 07:32 AM
Maybe next time you could try getting only an inch or two trimmed off or a little change in shape and see if that makes you feel better about how it looks.

Anje
December 22nd, 2009, 07:41 AM
I think it's a pretty common problem for a lot of folks. Hair is something you can have control of, you can change it, and you can do it nearly instantly. There are not many aspects of your appearance that you can so radically and easily (and reversibly) alter as hair. Therefore, unhappiness with one's appearance in general is most quickly and easily treated by a haircut, rather than, say, tattooing, dieting, exercising more, straightening teeth, cosmetic surgery, etc.

Add to that the fact that hair starts to feel old at the ends after a while. Most of us need to invest a bit of extra care in our hair to keep it from looking and feeling frayed, and still need to accept a bit of that as normal in exchange for long hair. When hair starts feeling bad, the remedy often is to cut off the worst of the damage. Sometimes that 'need to cut' feeling is because the hair needs to be cut, while pampering takes longer and is less effective than simply removing the damage.

As I said, some struggle with this more than others. Some people get bored with wearing their hair up, or want the latest style, or aren't willing to accept the damage they have, or just feel an urgent need to alter their appearance. Others can't bear the thought of losing length, and may even cling desperately to a few tattered but precious inches of ends. Others of us (and I fall into this category) are just benign neglect sorts, who are willing to just put it in a standard bun day to day and occasionally let it down to enjoy the length we have. We usually ignore our hair, trimming a bit when it gets on our nerves, but generally just let it do its thing while we go about our days.

nuxa
December 22nd, 2009, 07:52 AM
Every time my hair would reach about the middle of my back I would cut it off to shoulder length, and hate it! I have dreamed of long hair which once I got it I would cut it off. I have done this same thing all my life!



yep... story of my life! only mine never gets past APL :(
Every time it gets longer I think of something new to try and end up ruining it and having to cut back to shoulders again!...
So I made the promise not to dye, cut/layer, use heat or anything...

hope I can keep it:pray:

alys
December 22nd, 2009, 08:12 AM
I too tend to cut all the time, I will grow my hair for a year or so and then get a pixie cut. I'm sure everyone's got their own reasons :) I really love the way my hair looks short, it suits me very well. I really hate how it looks long on me. But love long hair on other people, it's so beautiful and enchanting. So I'm stuck. When I joined this site my hair was at/past my shoulders, 2 years ago roughly. Now it's above my ears. This site has many supportive and intelligent members, but maybe even they can't save someone from the urge to cut.
You on the other hand already have what I would consider to be long (v. nice) hair. What's the harm in trimming an inch or two if you really need a change that badly?

OleanderTime
December 22nd, 2009, 08:43 AM
Oh I have a HUGE problem with cutting even though I want long hair. It's a running joke among my friends that I always am "growing it out" but I still always have short hair.

I think the major reason is that I am super impulsive. Three years ago, it was the worst: I was growing my hair out, really enjoying it long, excited that it was the longest it'd ever been, and one nice spring day I decided I looked better in short hair and that I was just going to chop it before I changed my mind. So I drove downtown that minute and cut over a foot off and had this long-ish pixie thing.

So my big issue is cultivating patience. To let those mood swings pass me by.

pinchbeck
December 22nd, 2009, 09:11 AM
I thought I was the only person with this problem. It hurts me when I cut off perfectly healthy hair because of the instant gratification I feel when it's done. But...for me there are deeper issues and I have pondered over them and came up with:

-I cut when I feel insecure about the way I look.
-I cut when those closest to me make remarks about the length of my hair.
-I cut when the ends (although not majorly damaged) tangle and cause me grief because I am desperately trying to be gentle and I hear strands snapping.
-I cut when my hair gets unmanageable as it is prone to tangling (what sucks about this reason is my hair is still tangly afterward and the length I cut never makes a difference because this is the way my hair is and I have trouble accepting it).
-I cut when I have moments of sadness, profuse anger or emotional struggles.
-I cut as a way to NOT reach my goal because if I did I would actually feel happy and allowing myself to feel happy is scary because I fear something will take that feeling away (twisted, I know).

Now, if the above isn't enough reasons...I don't know what is! I am hoping to get over these ridiculous humps because all of them are in my head and are not realistic.

I hope you'll recognize the why's of why you cut and find ways to overcome them.

Armelle
December 22nd, 2009, 09:36 AM
Yeah, I've succumbed to the 'big chop craving.' What I do now is keep a photo of me taken weeks after the nice salon-do. Looking at that awful mess does wonders to keep me from the scissors (and salons). :D

lapushka
December 22nd, 2009, 09:55 AM
Yeah, I've succumbed to the 'big chop craving.' What I do now is keep a photo of me taken weeks after the nice salon-do. Looking at that awful mess does wonders to keep me from the scissors (and salons). :D

The memory of many salon chops in the past is enough for me. Plus the fact that long hair takes far less maintenance once you get past a certain point. For me that meant at least getting past shoulder length.

Salons... *sigh* Your hair *will* look good, but afterwards when it's not getting premium service, mousse, gel, hairspray, a professional blowout and all that personal attention: bye-bye nice hair. You're paying for it to look good, it should look good. But the next day? What about maintenance?

In my experience, hairdressers know only one texture and that's straight hair. As a wavy, I always got a haircut that needed to be straightened and was high maintenance. They made me feel guilty about my unruly, frizzy hair. They knew zip about working with the texture and cutting it accordingly. I had classic length when I was about 10/11, and afterwards I constantly switched between a haircut, growing it out, a haircut, ... Information on hair texture is priceless. It's made me look at my hair differently.

Whenever I'm tempted by a nice pic of who knows what celeb with a nice haircut, I think to myself, they look good because hair & make-up is done for them. Then I go look at their "natural" pics. It helps. ;)

spidermom
December 22nd, 2009, 10:09 AM
I know how it is. I've been telling everybody who would listen ever since I was a little girl that I was planning to grow my hair out really long. Then I'd see a cute new cut or perm and go get it. I was impulsive. It wasn't until I was in my mid-40s that I got over being impulsive and acquired some patience. And it's not too late; my hair is the longest that it has ever been. See everybody? I meant what I said, it just took 40 years!

SchnauzerMom
December 22nd, 2009, 11:20 AM
Story of my life, cut, grow out, cut, grow out. I adore long hair and mine looks good long. But, I look good with short hair too and sometimes I give into the pressure to keep it short because I'm so "old" (55). I refuse to give up though.

Pixna
December 22nd, 2009, 11:38 AM
-I cut when I feel insecure about the way I look.
-I cut when those closest to me make remarks about the length of my hair.
-I cut when the ends (although not majorly damaged) tangle and cause me grief because I am desperately trying to be gentle and I hear strands snapping.
-I cut when my hair gets unmanageable as it is prone to tangling (what sucks about this reason is my hair is still tangly afterward and the length I cut never makes a difference because this is the way my hair is and I have trouble accepting it).
-I cut when I have moments of sadness, profuse anger or emotional struggles.
-I cut as a way to NOT reach my goal because if I did I would actually feel happy and allowing myself to feel happy is scary because I fear something will take that feeling away (twisted, I know).

Wow! Thank you for being so forthright, Pinchbeck, and in touch with your emotions. You have summed up many of my reasons as well. I am VERY glad (relieved) to know that I am not alone in this.

nuxa
December 22nd, 2009, 12:05 PM
I know how it is. I've been telling everybody who would listen ever since I was a little girl that I was planning to grow my hair out really long. Then I'd see a cute new cut or perm and go get it. I was impulsive

Exactly!! I hope I can get your patience... growing hair takes so much time that I just end up going the easy way for a new look...

But not this time :suspect:

SunshineHair
December 22nd, 2009, 12:12 PM
Oh my, so many responces! I was hoping to get one or two and look, a ton, how wonderful :) I dont know how to quote so I cant respond to a certain one yet. Thanks for all your thoughts on this matter. Every post said something that helped me and it is great to get the insight! Even better to get out of my head for a bit and learn from you!

Ok, I will start taking a monthly picture. I actually have pics I took of my hair but crazy me didnt lable the months I took them :0 But January is coming so I will start a new! I have already started to change how I treat my hair. I had to trim it last week, because the ends had a sticky feel and tangled more and I knew it was time to trim. I took off an inch, now my hair is 17 inches and I swear cutting just 1 inch makes it look way shorter to me! I cant wait to get to the summer without cutting it again!

I also started to braid it at night to keep it from tangling bad. Feels weird that I cant feel it cover my neck, colder hehe!!

bahannas
December 25th, 2009, 05:23 PM
Obey the two-week rule. If you are going to cut, you should be 100% sure that it's what you want to do. You'll have to forget about your long-term goals for awhile.

To me, you don't sound so sure. ;) Maybe you are just looking for a change? Instead of cutting, try some new styles! Give yourself some super-thick braid waves or maybe buy a fun new hair accessory. If you really, honestly want to cut, try adding some soft layers or long bangs. It's a great way to make a change without doing anything too drastic! :)

30isthenewblack
December 25th, 2009, 05:46 PM
I've sabotaged my hair growth so many times and I'm sure most people on the board can relate. I've been on this board for about one and a half years now and I see this same scenerio played out with certain members. They seem to reach their hair comfort zone and then cut their hair. People usually come to this board because they have problems with growing their hair and this might be physical, psychological or they just need to be armed with the right tools and information to start their hair journey. At the least, you recognise your self hair sabotage and as we all know, that's the first step on the road to recovery :) As everyone says, exercise the two week rule. I've been growing out my hair colour and at times, I've been tempted to colour it but after two weeks, that urge has gone away.


I know how it is. I've been telling everybody who would listen ever since I was a little girl that I was planning to grow my hair out really long. Then I'd see a cute new cut or perm and go get it. I was impulsive. It wasn't until I was in my mid-40s that I got over being impulsive and acquired some patience. And it's not too late; my hair is the longest that it has ever been. See everybody? I meant what I said, it just took 40 years!

Very inspiring! I have wanted to grow my hair long for ten years but in that time, I've done all sorts of damage to it! I do think it's due to being in my 30s and being able to exercise the patience I did not have in my 20s that I am now able to grow my hair longer.

EdG
December 25th, 2009, 05:57 PM
"What is this haircut of which you speak?" :confused:

"This is not the haircut you're looking for... move along!"

"I find your lack of faith disturbing." :luke:

"Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated!" :cheese:

Well, that's all the television/movie quotes I could think of.

This post is intended to be humorous. People really don't get assimilated by the LHC. I think. :hmm:
Ed

misstwist
December 25th, 2009, 06:09 PM
I was very unhappy, and I take it out on my hair.

You have identified the issue exactly here.

Cutting my hair was always very cathartic for me. It prevented suicide attempts (I'm serious here).

Once I realized what I was doing I was able to better focus on the mental state that was indicated by the desire to cut my hair.

Today, I view my long hair as a positive sign of my mental health.

If you are in a different place mentally than you were in 2006 then there is little reason to be scared you will cut off your hair again soon under any kind of compulsion.

If cutting your hair is the only substitution for other self-harming behaviors, then cut it. If you are feeling compelled to cut your hair I would encourage you to examine closely your general mental health and to see what you can do to get to a better place.

luluj
December 25th, 2009, 06:10 PM
"What is this haircut of which you speak?" :confused:

"This is not the haircut you're looking for... move along!"

"I find your lack of faith disturbing." :luke:

"Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated!" :cheese:

Well, that's all the television/movie quotes I could think of.

This post is intended to be humorous. People really don't get assimilated by the LHC. I think. :hmm:
Ed

You made me laugh!!:lol: MERRY CHRISTMAS!:xmas:

EdG
December 25th, 2009, 06:24 PM
You made me laugh!!:lol: MERRY CHRISTMAS!:xmas:Happy holidays to you too! :)
Ed

Katurday
December 25th, 2009, 06:27 PM
Well, what worked best for me was definetly a nice dose of cold turkey. No trims, cuts, S&D's, dustings, nothing for a whole year.
Broke the habit, thats for sure. I distracted myself by putting it up, deep treatments. I kicked the dye addiction with henna, and treat my henna days like my salon days.

Pixna
December 26th, 2009, 08:30 AM
Well, what worked best for me was definetly a nice dose of cold turkey. No trims, cuts, S&D's, dustings, nothing for a whole year.

Yes, no trimming has definitely helped me, too (though I have done one or two insignificant dustings the past year). I keep the hair scissors tucked away in a cupboard, and it requires a conscious effort to pull them out. In addition, I stay away from scissors in general, and when I do need them for anything (such as cutting open a package), I am very conscious, present, and careful when using them. For some of us, cutting our hair IS a self-destructive habit, and we need to focus our energies on more positive, self-loving behavior (which is what I have tried to do, and it seems to help enormously).

SunshineHair
December 26th, 2009, 10:25 AM
I totally agree!! I have to say being here IS making a difference for me in keeping determined!

curlylocks85
December 27th, 2009, 02:10 PM
I know how you feel. I sometimes get this urge. I have learned that patience is a wonderful gift. As my hair gets longer, I try different updos. This does help me, as my hair does not distract me all the time.

I agree with the others use the two-week-rule. If at the end of the two-weeks you still have the urge, invoke it again. And if you really need help instead maybe pamper your skin with some lotions and maybe a bubble bath. This will totally keep you occupied. LOL. :)

Kirzja
December 27th, 2009, 04:43 PM
I've got the same urge to cut my hair.
That is why it never got any longer than bsl (just once!).
I have been going from shoulder length to super short to shoulder length and back again for as long as I can remember.
This is my first attempt at growing my hair to a serious length. I felt the strongest temptation of cutting it really short last month! But I resisted.
I wonder when my next urge for cutting will come up ;)

Good luck to you!!

Gvnagitlvgei
December 27th, 2009, 06:17 PM
I had long hair as a child and when my mother handed me the reins, I destroyed it through neglect. I've been trying to grow it long again for years...and have finally succeeded. But I went through many years of cutting my hair. My success this time is that I was a part of a long hair site. I think that when you see people who don't cut, you get strength for just one more day to put those darned shears back into the drawer. We have a cutting addiction lolol! We have to go sober one day at a time.

nowxisxforever
December 27th, 2009, 06:56 PM
I don't get this urge, luckily. My mother would cut my hair to shoulderlength whenever it got close to APL when I was younger, and as such have an aversion to haircuts in general. They aren't fun, or uplifting, to me...I don't like shorter styles... they don't make me feel like I'm dropping excess baggage. So I guess it's just how I view short cuts and haircuts in general that make me not feel that urge. Perhaps try switching your perspective?

Pear Martini
December 27th, 2009, 07:24 PM
I can relate to this. Everytime I see an attractive female with SL length hair or shorter, I always picture myself with short hair like that. I don't really care for medium length hair too much but really short hair and WL and longer, I adore :poot:

Stephichan
December 27th, 2009, 10:11 PM
I kind of have a problem with trying to not cut my hair. Or at least, used to. It would get between apl and bsl and I would cut above the shoulders (shortest was to chin). I think I'm getting better, though. The other day I got it cut below the shoulders to get rid of the layers and damage. Part of me thinks I shouldn't have done it, but it was going to happen one way or another, I just did it in one chop and (hopefully) saved some money.

Don't get me wrong though, I weighed the pros and cons and I made sure that I wanted to do it. Something I did that might help is that I thought about where I might want to cut it and then saved an inch or two. So instead of cutting to shoulders or above, I went to just below the collarbone.

jivete
December 28th, 2009, 07:40 AM
I don't have a problem with cutting, but I can be an obsessive trimmer. If I'm not careful, I'll sabotage all my growth and never make any progress. For me, I think it's because I've never really liked my hair and think trimming it will make it better somehow. I'm slowly getting better.

That being said, 2010 is a year for trims for me in a quest to thicken my hem. :rolleyes:

Kirzja
December 28th, 2009, 07:55 AM
@ nowxisxforever: You are right about changing my perspective.

I think to me short hair feels more 'safe' because I have never had long hair.
I am always a bit unsure if long hair would look right on me. I know I can look good with short hair.

I do feel that taking length pictures and measuring my hair every month motivates me to continue growing my hair, I see it as a challenge. :cheese: