I'm so vain... :(

[Paliele]

So I went to a bridal shower this weekend for a girl that I've known since preschool (age 4ish). I have been envious of this girl's hair since I met her. It's always been between waist and BSL and the most beautiful color of red. I didn't start liking my hair until I cut it all off, joined LHC, and decided to grow it out again. I haven't seen her in a couple of years, and it was nice to catch up.

Anyway, during one of the games I was sitting to one side and a little behind her, and I found myself studying her hair (which I seem to do all the time to people now that I've joined LHC :) ). Her hair is still between BSL and waist and a beautiful shade of red, but my henna'd hair is about that same color and even has a bit more depth and variation to it. Also, I could tell that she wasn't taking good care of her hair. It was obviously heat-damaged and dry. My hair is in much better condition than hers, because I baby mine and am careful with it. It made me feel...triumphant, for some reason. And then I immediately felt bad about being so vain.

So my question is, how do you avoid feeling better than those who don't know/don't care about taking care of their hair? How can I take joy in my hair (for the first time in my life) without becoming prideful?

[Carolyn]

I certainly don't see anything wrong with being prideful as long as you keep your thoughts to yourself. No one likes a braggart but if you are bragging to yourself it's OK.

[little_acorn]

I'd say, just quietly enjoy your hair and see the beauty in other peoples too :)

[Konstifik]

Pride does not always equal vanity. :)
I say feel proud, you should! Taking care of hair is a tricky project for most of us, and if you're happy with yours, then you deserve it.

[Elainehali]

You can be proud of your hair. Hard work deserves a little pride. I'm sure this lady has pride about something, maybe just not her hair.

I do vote for keeping critiques to yourself though if they aren't flattering.

[tinker bug]

I have this problem too--you aren't alone!!
when I usually see something of that nature I try to think, "Wow, his/her hair must look amazing when virgin if it looks like this when its been through so much!"
that way you stay positive, and acknowledge that you take good care of your own hair by babying it so much.

[Elph]

It sounds like she had the hair that was your aim. But now you know better you can see hers is not as good as it could be.

Be proud of the fact that yours is great and maybe as an extra gift give your friend some treats for her hair.

Weel done.

[Arctic]

When I was a new member, I found myself guilty of this all the time. Time has healed me, so to speak. I think it's part of the enthusiasm of getting involved into something new and interesting.

[jasper]

In my view, actions count more than feelings or thoughts, but those do matter. If you want to school your thoughts, or temper feelings, you already know how- with reflection. For me, I want to make sure I don't start believing I'm better than someone else because I do things differently, so I reflect on that.

[Chrissy]

I think like the others said nothing wrong with feeling good about your hair and how you are taking care of it. I think now that you are more knowledgeable in hair care it is a normal thing to look at others hair and compare.

I don't see you as prideful at all especially since you felt bad for observing her lack of hair care. You are ok!! :) I'm glad you are enjoying the journey of good hair care and growth!!! Also good self control with keeping your observations inside your head! :)

[jivete]

I had a similar experience with a lady at my work. I used to really like her hair and now mine is about the same length and in better condition even though it still has a long way to go.

Noticing that her hair doesn't look as good as you initially thought is fine. You can use it as a reminder to avoid things that are damaging. "OH, that's why I don't dye my hair..."

Of course, you want to keep thoughts to yourself. Whenever I'm feeling superior or whatnot, I try to remember that there is always someone out there who would look at me and judge something I'm doing. That helps remind me to try and think positively about others.

[spidermom]

That you used the term "prideful" tells me that this is a religious concern for you, and I think the only way around that is turning your thoughts to the source of all good things in your life and being thankful.

[hmmm]

That you used the term "prideful" tells me that this is a religious concern for you, and I think the only way around that is turning your thoughts to the source of all good things in your life and being thankful.

I agree with this. I think it's normal to feel that way, I don't think about it much. It's not a competition or anything, as long as the owner of the hair is happy with it it's alright with me. But I do feel bad when true long hairs don't take care of their hair properly. There's this girl I know with hair about mid-thigh and it looks very split and damaged, even near her neck. It makes me feel bad, but it's not a vanity thing that my hair is in better condition - if hers were well taken care of, it would look amazing as well.

[Xandergrammy]

That you used the term "prideful" tells me that this is a religious concern for you, and I think the only way around that is turning your thoughts to the source of all good things in your life and being thankful.


spidermom just took the words out of mouth. I agree with what she said. :flowers:

[JamieLeigh]

There's definitely nothing wrong with being proud of what you've accomplished! If you've spent a lot of time and effort to make your hair as awesome as it is now, you deserve to feel good about it. I'm sure it does come as sort of a let-down, that the person's hair you've been admiring isn't in as good condition as you thought, but there again everyone is different. I'm sure, as someone else said before, that she feels she shines in another way, and probably doesn't really give much thought to her hair beyond coloring and trimming. Otherwise, she'd be on here too - and maybe you should invite her. But I do agree that you need to keep all negatory comments to yourself, unless someone straight out asks you for an honest opinion. :)

[muuserid]

I think it's ok to feel a bit of pride. The mistake comes, IMO, when we equate these triumphs with superiority. I think it's important to remember that your friend (or anyone else) may know or care a great deal about her hair and proper haircare technique, but that she may choose to continue to dye, straighten, etc regardless. We at LHC all choose to care for and wear our hair a certain way, and sometimes catch a lot of flack in the process. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think we should all try to remember that every one of us is doing exactly what *we* prefer to do.

[ReneeIstKrieg]

I agree that it's ok to be a little proud. Personally, at my college most girls have very short hair and are proud of their haircuts. Different people think different things are attractive, so I remind myself of that whenever I feel like I'm "better" than them for having well-maintained long hair. Don't think of it as pride, just think of it as self-esteem! :)

[Paliele]

Thanks for all the feedback! By "becoming prideful" I meant "seeing myself as superior because my hair is in better condition", not "feeling good about my hair". I do feel good about my hair--it looks better than it ever has, and I've given a lot of good advice to others (when requested) on how to improve the condition of their hair. I guess I just need to quit comparing myself to others, and not worry about it if I slip up every so often. :)