Awkward encounter about hair...

[WaimeaWahine]

It was 6am and I was at the store hanging out with my friend. My hair was wet from the shower and back in a low pony. Roots are showing and my bangs are pinned all funky.

A woman comes in looking as disheveled as me except her hair was BSL maybe a little more and slightly layered. It looked dyed but it was a good impressive healthy head of hair with good style and volume to it. I felt prompted to compliment her on those points adding, "My hair won't do that it's just too flat."

She replied, "I can tell you exactly what you're doing wrong," and she kinda reached for my hair! As though my compliments were an open request for advice and there must be something wrong with my hair care routine. So then she says, "I can tell you dye it." Me thinking: right and like her dye job isn't obvious. She says I have to use henna like her and it gets my back up - there's a lot of reasons henna isn't for me.

Me: "Oh you're a henna person. :) I didn't know dark brown was an option. Mine's been chem dyed since I was a teen and I'm 41 now and probably wont change." Then she abruptly asked me to guess how old she was. To be honest, not so good from smoking and sun damage. I said forty-something, trying to be kind, which seemed to displease her a moment then she proudly says 47 with her hands on her hips.

The whole thing kinda irked me to say something backhanded to her as she left: "You know, you really ought to grow your hair out." "You think so?" "Yes. Definitely." It just confuses me as to how a few compliments kinda turned into a contest. :(

P.S. I mean there's only so much a person can do to or for their hair. It has a will of it's own! :wink:

[Leena7]

Wow...what a beastly person.

[Runzel]

It sounds like a series of misunderstandings to me. :shrug:

[SimplyViki]

Wow, you're right, that does sound awkward. How strange! And for her to infer that if your hair is flat, it must be because you're doing something "wrong". :confused: Has she ever heard of straight hair? She sounds almost like she was trying to sell something, but never got to the part where she tells you what it is.

[Islandgrrl]

Eeep! :bigeyes: Some people!

[WaimeaWahine]

Wow, you're right, that does sound awkward. How strange! And for her to infer that if your hair is flat, it must be because you're doing something "wrong". :confused: Has she ever heard of straight hair? She sounds almost like she was trying to sell something, but never got to the part where she tells you what it is.

Yes. It would be the same thing if someone with curls complimented me on having stick straight hair and I assumed that it was something they were doing wrong and not just the natural state of their hair. Oh and I'd have to reach out and try to touch it without permission! :run:

[spidermom]

People have complimented my hair and then asked for advice, so it doesn't seem too far off the mark to me for her to have assumed you would want her advice since you liked her hair. I've learned to keep my advice to myself (most of the time) unless asked, but maybe the woman you spoke to hasn't. I can see why you were irked, though. Try to shrug it off; it's not worth the mental energy.

You hair looks lovely - very shiny.

[JamieLeigh]

Agreeing with Spidermom. Your hair is very lovely and sleek. Some people haven't learned yet how to take a compliment gracefully. Let it roll off your back - you're the better person. :)

[RancheroTheBee]

I love that awkward, "Your hair does this, thus you must be doing something wrong." A woman at LUSH made an implication that I must heatstyle too much, and that's why my hair is poofy, and I said that I inherited a Jewfro, thank you very much. That ended that conversation.

(My mother says it's not a Jewfro, but rather a Polefro, or something. :p Some other kind of European 'fro.)

[SimplyViki]

I love that awkward, "Your hair does this, thus you must be doing something wrong." A woman at LUSH made an implication that I must heatstyle too much, and that's why my hair is poofy, and I said that I inherited a Jewfro, thank you very much. That ended that conversation.

(My mother says it's not a Jewfro, but rather a Polefro, or something. :p Some other kind of European 'fro.)
Wha... ? Your hair doesn't look to me like any kind of 'fro in any of the pictures I've seen. :confused: :shrug:

[RancheroTheBee]

Wha... ? Your hair doesn't look to me like any kind of 'fro in any of the pictures I've seen. :confused: :shrug:

Back when I was still using shampoo bars, it was short enough that when I didn't straighten, I actually resembled a 'fro. Now the weight keeps it down, but my mother retains an actual 'fro until she grows past BSL.

[Heidi_234]

I think she's very invested in her hair and so do you, so your opinions kind of clashed maybe. Maybe she's a hair person, but not an LHCer (yet?) so she doesn't know there are all types of hair out there with all kind of circumferences. It was an eye opener for to realize how is my hair fundamentally different than the people around me. With this acknowledgement came the understanding what to do with my own hair and how to get the best out what nature and finances would allow me. :)

That said, I tend to agree with her on the chemical dye thing. I've seen pictures of people growing out chem dye - their not dyed hair tend to look thicker, fuller and generally less worn out. Even if you were dyeing for DECADES, new hair grows in all the time. It's not like your hair is permanently changed just because you changed it for this long. :)

If you want to maintain your hair black, you might want to come over the Recipes, henna and Herbal haircare board and read about two-step henna and indigo for black hair. There are members here who get their hair awesomely black this way, even with naturally blonde hair.

:flower:

btw, always wanted to mention that - I love the way your hair is blue-black in your avatar! :inlove:

[Aries_jb]

I don't know. I think if you end a compliment with something that suggests you wish you had that attribute (like my hair would never do that) it seems logical that someone may take that as wanting advice. That said, she's not the most tactful person, is she?

[enfys]

I don't think she was trying to be mean to you but she lacked a lot of tact.

Let's hope she stumbles upon us and it rubs off on her...

Maybe she doesn't get a lot of attention for her hair when she really wants to and really tries and she thought you'd be someone who she could share her wisdom with?

That said I'd never suggest someone permaently colours their hair with an impossible (almost) to remove substance based on the idea it might change their hair type. Hmm.

[WaimeaWahine]

I think she's very invested in her hair and so do you, so your opinions kind of clashed maybe. Maybe she's a hair person, but not an LHCer (yet?) so she doesn't know there are all types of hair out there with all kind of circumferences. It was an eye opener for to realize how is my hair fundamentally different than the people around me. With this acknowledgement came the understanding what to do with my own hair and how to get the best out what nature and finances would allow me. :)

That said, I tend to agree with her on the chemical dye thing. I've seen pictures of people growing out chem dye - their not dyed hair tend to look thicker, fuller and generally less worn out. Even if you were dyeing for DECADES, new hair grows in all the time. It's not like your hair is permanently changed just because you changed it for this long. :)

If you want to maintain your hair black, you might want to come over the Recipes, henna and Herbal haircare board and read about two-step henna and indigo for black hair. There are members here who get their hair awesomely black this way, even with naturally blonde hair.

:flower:

btw, always wanted to mention that - I love the way your hair is blue-black in your avatar! :inlove:

:laugh: My hair is not blue black. You're the second person to say so. I only have 1 mirror and the lighting is bad. The contrast is funky and my hair is damp in my avatar, but I avoid red black and blue black. Ash black or jet black only. :D

As previously stated, henna is not for me. If LHC were handing out grades for people trying to have the best hair possible then most here would get an A+. I'm not interested in great hair. Chlorine and saltwater rule its existence and if either made my hair fall out I wouldn't stop. So a passing grade is fine. :p In the eyes of LHC, my hair must be awful, but in my eyes and in the eyes of the people who have said, "You're beautiful!" it's good enough. ;)

I was admiring the style and volume. I wasn't pining for it or advice like, "Darn, my hair wont do that!" I've met plenty of women with incredible hair from non dyed, to chem dyed, to hennaed. My hair is stick straight flat. It's always been thin. Chem dye does expand my hair follicles but this woman clearly had thick hair like my brother. He's her age and has a full thick head of hair and has never dyed. Good hair genes. :cheese:

[Heidi_234]

WaimeaWahine, I'm not criticizing the way you're handling your hair. It's yours. Just so you know, I used to go to the swimming pool 2-4 times a week before it got too cold for me, and I didn't intended stop even if I saw negative effect on my hair. :wink: I just pointed out indigo since some people don't know, or just too scared/under-informed to try to.

I probably just don't understand why would somebody choose chemicals over something non-harming, when the result is pretty much the same. I don't know what are your reasons to avoid henna, and I guess they worth the frequent chemical 'treat'. You mentioned your hair is limp, and I saw that chemical dyes can do that to hair, so I pointed out that it could be the dye. You've been dyeing since you were a teen, how can you really tell what would your hair be if it was in its untouched virgin state?

Anyway, I feel like I've turned *that* women in here, you only wanted to rant and I talk to you about henna. :nono: I'm sorry. :flower:

Regarding the black-blue - I knew it was just the light rather than your haircolor. If I had black black hair, and took a picture at daylight by the window with no flash I'd get the blue-black thing too. It just looks really darn pretty!

[mira-chan]

Back when I was still using shampoo bars, it was short enough that when I didn't straighten, I actually resembled a 'fro. Now the weight keeps it down, but my mother retains an actual 'fro until she grows past BSL.
I have the same type of hair and I do have Jewish ancestry. My father's hair is very curly too and grows up then out. It took till about hip before my hair would not stand 3 inches away from my scalp after wash.