Help! I look ancient!

[hanne jensen]

I took a good look at my self in the mirror today, and I look positively ancient! The problem is I have a long thin face and wearing my hair up just doesn't do anything for me. My hair is just APL in the back and shoulder length in front. It grows in a natural U. I don't have enough hair yet to make a decent Gibson. If I don't wear my hair up every day my growth will break off.

I asked DH about it and after a lot of hemming and hawing, he said that with my updos I remind him of a schoolmarm from the 1800's. He even said that he'd rather I just maintained this length as opposed to wearing up every day. (He said all this very gently and lovingly).

I want to grow my hair to at least waist, preferrably longer, and it ain't gonna happen if my hair's flapping around in the wind!

So, I would be very happy for any suggestions for updos with a bit of softening around the face.

I have read the articles section for hairstyles, but my hair is just too short for them. I'm also too fumble fingered to make a french braid. I tried, and broke off so many hairs that it would have been kinder to just leave it down.

Please don't razz DH as my hair growth project really has been a family effort.

[smilinjenn71]

Fringe otherwise called bangs, tend to soften the face. So perhaps you should consider that?? (my post is based on responses to other threads on here)

[Elainehali]

I second the suggestion for bangs. If you're trying to avoid an old school teacher look, you can also use some fun jewel hair accessories.

My favorite trick to keep from looking severe is to wear large ear rings when I have my hair up. Pretty ones!!

:eyebrows: Maybe I'm just trying to give you reasons to go shopping.

[Heidi_234]

Wearing your hair down doesn't necessarily means you won't be able to grow it out. Outside LHC, most people just wear it down or in a ponytail (which isn't that much nicer to hair), and I encounter many longhairs 'our there', with waist, hip and tailbone length hair.

And you'd be surprised, but some LHCers do prefer to wear their hair down and do so. If you're careful not to have it get caught under your bag (the err stripes (can't remember the proper word for that :oops:) or the back of it) or lean on it when you sit and have it rubbed vigorously in any other way, you'll be fine. :)

[longhairedfairy]

Try changing where you part your hair. You'd be surprised how much difference a little change can make. :)

[Elenna]

Hmmm, the school marm look, well here too.

Can you wear your hair up at home and wear it down when you go out? But as an alternative, a ponytail can be sort of an updo when hair needs to be up while out.

And a softer look around face can be achieved with bangs, or some face-framing layers.

Are you silvering too? There are some beautiful ladies here who have great silver hair styles.

[ladycatpurrs]

I second the recommendation for bangs or fringe. You don't even need to cut your own hair, you can purchase hair pieces (I use ebay) for different looks all the while keeping your hair safely up. Good luck on your hair growing journey!

[Calista]

What type of person are you? What´s your style? Elegant, active, girly, hippie? If you are more of a jeans-and-tshirt person I wouldn´t suggest accessoires with a lot of bling. If you are a business type I wouldn´t suggest messy styles, though they are proably your best bet at trying not to look like a governess.

I do not second the suggestion for bangs, if you don´t have them already. Bangs are hell to grow out, and hair in my fac bugs the heck out of me.

[Thinthondiel]

Wearing your hair down doesn't necessarily means you won't be able to grow it out. Outside LHC, most people just wear it down or in a ponytail (which isn't that much nicer to hair), and I encounter many longhairs 'our there', with waist, hip and tailbone length hair.

And you'd be surprised, but some LHCers do prefer to wear their hair down and do so. If you're careful not to have it get caught under your bag (the err stripes (can't remember the proper word for that :oops:) or the back of it) or lean on it when you sit and have it rubbed vigorously in any other way, you'll be fine. :)

I'm one of those LHCers. My hair's a bit longer than BSL now, and it still doesn't bother me when it's down, and I don't feel that it gets damaged so much that I need to wear it up.

[rogue_psyche]

I wear my hair down whenever I have a chance. In some instances I've found updos more damaging than wearing hair down. One such instance: cinnabun fastened with elastic puts bends in my ends which turn into splits which turn into tangles. Then there's the hair that comes out when redoing a style to get it just right. When you have fragile hair like mine, you don't want to be twisting or even gently pulling your hair unless you love the sound of snapping hair. Maybe some updo skill will help, but as of now I lack that skill.

Until recently wearing my hair down hasn't resulted in too many tangles because I carefully keep my hair conditioned. Now I'm definately in "needs a trim" territory so now my velcro ends are making wearing my hair down more of a hazard than it used to be.l\

[Speckla]

My husband doesn't really care for buns but it's whatever is most comfortable for me. I wear buns to work and then take my hair does once I get home. It keeps my hair from rubbing against my chair and causing damage while sitting at my desk.

[Lamb]

Can you manage a lower bun? So you'd still have hair around your face, on the tips of your ears?
Also, consider changing your part and not sweeping all your hair straigh back when you put your hair up. Side parts look good on narrow or thin faces.
Long, side-swept bangs are another option. :)

[Unofficial_Rose]

Another vote for bangs to avoid the I'm taking-part-in-a-BBC-costume-drama look...;)

I used to look like an extra on the set of 'Emma' or 'Pride & Prejudice' when henndigo-ed and bang-less.

[camirra555]

I also suggest you try bangs. I have a long face too but since I'm a curly bangs aren't really an option

[Clarisse]

Don't cut in bangs unless you really really know you want them. Growing out bangs takes such a long time!
Perhaps try a messy updo or braid. Dont make the updos to thight and neat, and dont make a center part when making an updo. I am yet to see someone who can truly rock slicked-back center-parted hair in a thight bun. You could try to pull a few face framing locks out of the updo to create a softer look without cutting in bangs. Most people have som naturally shorter hair around the temples/forehead.

I prefer wearing my hair down. If I don't have some hair around my face to soften things up, my face will look like a frog or an egg. If my hair is really greasy, or if I need to keep my hair out of the way for some other reason, I will make a messy bun or a loose braid. Bobby pins and barrettes are your friends! :D

[danacc]

Experiment with barrettes, side combs, or small clips. You can use them to get some fullness and softness near your face. Twisting the hair first will create some gentle movement, either gathered all together in half-up, or on each side with a side part. You can still gather the length and create a full up-do in the back.

[shortgoinglong]

I had hair to my waist from childhood to mid twenties and it was very, very thick. I wore it loose about 90% of the time except for summer and it was always healthy and shiny. When I did up dos I always got a severe headache. So, I chopped. Now I am growing out and am going to wear it down this time. I figure if I get horrible splits I can always do a small trim every year.

[Thinthondiel]

Can you manage a lower bun? So you'd still have hair around your face, on the tips of your ears?
Also, consider changing your part and not sweeping all your hair straigh back when you put your hair up. Side parts look good on narrow or thin faces.
Long, side-swept bangs are another option. :)

It might just be me, but IMO, lower buns make people look older than higher buns do. :shrug:

[slz]

If you're not much into bangs, some low face-framing ones could do the trick, too.

[Teresa9000]

I have a problem with looking too severe with my hair up, too. I've found a few things that work. If I twist my hair up and secure it with a claw clip and leave the ends sticking out it doesn't look as severe (the ends are still somewhat protected, even though they aren't tucked away). If I can manage to keep my part instead of combing it all back it helps. French braids especially but also English braids and rope braids look a bit softer. I know you said you can't do a French braid, but neither could I until last week. I've been looking up tutorials on this site and practicing and something finally clicked. Right now I've got layers just slightly longer than chin length that I'll leave down if they're clean enough.

[Carolyn]

Think carefully before you cut bangs. They are a pain in the ass to grow out if you hate them. If you do cut some in try some very thin wispy face framing pieces. You can always cut more in or cut them shorter if you like them. You could try doing a little poofy thing on top. I twist the bang hair and secure with a couple of pretty pins or a small barrette. It gives a little height and softness. I think it takes a while to get used to seeing your face when you start wearing updo's. If you've had bangs, layers, or hair hanging around your face you aren't used to seeing your whole face without a cover of some hair. Give it some time, the 1880's schoolmarm look could grow on you.

[Demetrue]

I've always had bangs and some side wisps to soften pulled back styles. I have a high forehead and my only real wrinkle is smack in the middle of my high forehead! If you don't want to cut bangs, you could braid the front sections of your hair before you go to sleep at night, then take them out to get some braid waves around the front of your face the next day. If you pull your hair back with the front pieces being a bit more loose, the braid waves will soften the look around your face.

[OleanderTime]

I feel the same way... I'm only 23 and I think that I look much older (and not in a positive way) and also get self conscious of my forehead size when my hair is all up. Some of the things I've tried are said above, but my standbys are:

* Soft side-swept bangs coming from a gently angled side part

* A french twist with a little hair over my ears and some of the twist creating volume at the top, rather than trying to get the top super flat

* Putting my hair half up (either just gently swept half up and pinned, or twisted in some way) BEFORE putting the rest all the way up in some sort of bun. I really like this look--it's super versatile, works with bangs or no bangs, and I believe there are a few style instructions in the LHC articles section

* I don't know why this helps, but wearing SCARVES really makes me feel better about having my hair up (maybe similar to the earring suggestion). If my hair is pulled back pretty tightly, I feel like my whole look is softened by some nice earrings and a lose scarf that compliments my outfit.

* Wearing my hair up and out of the way outside, while running errands, or at work. Then taking it down and feeling it around my face whenever I'm home and just kicking back.

I might also suggest investing in some mirror arrangement that allows you to see the sides and back of your head easily. I have mirrored bathroom closet doors across from the vanity and I open them at an angle to see my whole head. The view is VERY different than straight on. You might think you look older and severe with your hair back, but the view other people get seeing you in 3D is probably much softer and more flattering than your 2D impression.

Good luck! :)

[JCFantasy23]

I think it looks soft, feminine and flattering with face framing layers. I have some wispy bangs and when I put my hair back it only looks good with tiny tendrils hanging down. Doesn't look SLEEK this way but it's the best for my face, helps eliminate some of the roundness for me and prevent harshness.

Besides buns, what about twists and such, have you tried those and do they do the same effect?

[Kris Dove]

Bangs can help, but they are a pain to grow out as others have mentioned, so maybe try clip-in bangs and see how you like the look before making the commitment?

I often wear one English braid to my left side- super easy and stops my hair getting tangled, in fact it's been my default style for the past month or so. Braided hair is very trendy at the moment too, so it's a more youthful style.

[EbonyCurls]

Maybe wear it "back" as opposed to "up"; like in a low knot/bun and the looser it is, the more relaxed your hair will look at the scalp and around your face.

It wouldn't hurt to throw on some beautiful dangle earrings, or hair accessories to make it look more stylistic and youthful.

[Aer]

I also vote for bangs or fringe, and fun hair toys.

[motormuffin]

I just recently cut bangs...just a little bit, but I have gotten so many complements. I started parting on the side rather than the middle and that helps too. I like doing a half up too before I put the rest up...I think someone else said this too. I wear the same earrings everyday and just got some dangle ones...they do look cuter. Putting your hair up looser rather than tight helps too. Sometimes I use those little tiny claw clips and do a bunch of them so its poofy in back. I might try a scarf...it's so not me. :)

[Brat]

I find that my hair up is very uncomfortable and quite possibly damaging. I can practically feel the hair pulling out of the roots with a ponytail, and shoving the sticks through a bun (no matter how gently) seems to break hairs. Along with the weight of the hair pulling on the roots.

I vote for long fringe, what the stylist will call a "face framing layer." They always cut quite a bit on mine, so the fringe is varying lengths. I love it, and am a curly. In fact, I need to go in and get (just) the fringe refreshed.

[cocolover]

As mentioned above, braids are really hip right now. Here is a link to one idea you could do and then do an updo in addition: http://www.zimbio.com/How+to+do+Side+Braids/articles/3/Side+Braids+LC+Side+Braid+Style

Another idea is a headband that would puff out the front of your hair to soften around your face, then pull your hair into a loose low bun:
http://www.fabsugar.com/530492

Nightshade has an article on here about making the little puff of hair in the front with an updo.

As a last resort, I would go to bangs, but I would certainly try out bangs before chopping all of your hair. HTH

[Runzel]

I mention this only because it hasn't yet been mentione din this thread...perhaps a wig?

I know, wigs have a lot of cons, and you'd have to be sure it's not damaging your hair more, but just one more possibility to consider.

[Curlsgirl]

You could also do "faux" bangs by parting your hair on the side and combing them across the lower forehead over to the other side and pinning it behind the other hair or behind the other ear if it's long enough. I think that looks really cute. I know what you mean about the regular bun. I don't like it on my since i am older either. BUT I do like some other updos, the ones that sweep UP and away from my face seems to lift my face up more and not look so "matronly". Also you can take some hair from either side and make wisps even if it is not cut into bangs. I do this all around my hair sometimes in random places to make it look a little softer. I have eyebrow length bangs myself and I can wear them straight down or side-swept. I have tried growing them out but I really like the way thay look even though they are a slight pain from time to time. Have you had bangs before? Try remembering what you did or did not like about them and make SURE you want them before you cut them. Good luck!!!! Oh and I wear my hair down all winter mostly and up in the summer or when I am going to be in "dangerous" places like around a LOT of people or out in the wind/weather or some place that might inflict damage.

[marikamt]

My husband doesn't really care for buns but it's whatever is most comfortable for me. I wear buns to work and then take my hair does once I get home. It keeps my hair from rubbing against my chair and causing damage while sitting at my desk.

This is what I do too.... DH loves my hair long, but DOWN.... so I wear it up at work and when I am at home (and he is not)... when he is home, I let it down or wear "half-ups"... also, I second the bangs/ fringe and maybe some face framing layers.......

[WaimeaWahine]

Try changing where you part your hair. You'd be surprised how much difference a little change can make. :)

100% agree. I did that recently and went from frumpy to sophisticated.

[JamieLeigh]

I think that a nice face-framing fringe might make a world of difference. A long face doesn't always look its best when all the hair is severely pulled back, away and up. Mine, included. If you can find a stylist you trust, cutting in soft bangs would soften updos a lot. Or if you don't want to cut at all, then try pulling down a few tendrils of your hair around your face and curling them without heat. That definitely would get rid of the schoolmarm look. :)

[nmarie33]

I'm not exactly the sexiest in buns either, which is why I save them for work (as long as you look professional, who cares how cute you are?).

I've found that Heidi braids are a good way to keep hair up and have a flattering look. Some of the hairdos that Abigail Goss does on youtube look more flattering than a standard bun too...she does that front-puff thing which softens it up.

Keep practicing with French and Dutch braiding, you'll get it. I just recently got the hang of doing double French/Dutch, and it looks way better on me than a single braid. Just try different things.

[florenonite]

Although I don't look old by any stretch of the imagination, I, too, have a long face, and wearing my hair pulled back does me no favours. I had a fringe in the spring, but it's a pain to wash and maintain, and even more of a pain to grow out. While it is a great way to soften the look of an updo, it is more effort than all-one-length hair. Thus, I started this (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=27775) thread. There are quite a few good ideas in this thread; I recommend you look through them before choosing to cut a fringe/bangs.

[Dolly]

I have waist-length hair, and I wear it down about 80% of the time. You can leave your hair down as long as you are careful of what you are doing.

HOWEVER, there are times when I need it out of my way, and that is when I either do a single braid or a simple cinnabun. But, I look HORRIBLE with all of my hair pulled back, so I cut bangs.....love them, and they solved my problem.

[Freija]

Have you tried just gathering some hair back, to stop the sides flying about and tangling? I think it might suit a longer face quite well and would be much less severe.

I wear my hair down a lot, when it isn't windy and I'm not carrying a heavy shoulder-bag. I've only been as far as APL so far, but I haven't encountered any problems.

[Teazel]

I'll pass on a tip from Harpgal: when you've put your hair up, place your hands on either side of your head and gently push forward. This helps to soften the look. (Damp hands will get more traction than dry ones.)

Try coaxing down the shorter hairs around your face and run them between wet fingers. Leave them alone and, with luck, as they dry they'll turn into sexy tendrils.

How about a French Twist, rather than a bun? Parting your hair way over on one side and sweeping it across your forehead can make a big difference, too - especially if your face is long.

[Sissy]

Wearing your hair down doesn't necessarily means you won't be able to grow it out. Outside LHC, most people just wear it down or in a ponytail (which isn't that much nicer to hair), and I encounter many longhairs 'our there', with waist, hip and tailbone length hair.

And you'd be surprised, but some LHCers do prefer to wear their hair down and do so. If you're careful not to have it get caught under your bag (the err stripes (can't remember the proper word for that :oops:) or the back of it) or lean on it when you sit and have it rubbed vigorously in any other way, you'll be fine. :)

yes, I wear my hair down everyday and agree with this :) I would like to learn updos just haven't been able to master anything yet and don't exactly think my face is suited for updos... I'm too chubby in the face!

[Sissy]

This is what I do too.... DH loves my hair long, but DOWN.... so I wear it up at work and when I am at home (and he is not)... when he is home, I let it down or wear "half-ups"... also, I second the bangs/ fringe and maybe some face framing layers.......

that is also a good idea.... half-ups look nice on any shape of face I think. I think I even look OK with a half-up.

[MsBubbles]

I could have written that thread title. The answers here about thinking very carefully about cutting in bangs have been helpful to me. This past weekend I caught sight of myself in a mirror and was shocked at how drawn and drab I looked. If I had had a pair of scissors right then I probably would have hacked some bangs in and regretted it!

I can't do tendrils (chronically flat, straight hair) and have a grease problem 24 hours after washing. My solution for myself is to lighten the hair that would be my bangs if I cut them. It's damaging to the hair but I consider that hair to be somewhat disposable. I still look ancient but not quite as sick.

The french braided bangs thing is a good idea for enforcing height when your hair won't get any air no matter what you do to it.

I hope the OP lets us know what worked! I need some ideas myself.

[hanne jensen]

Thanks so much for all your input! I have a whirl at my forehead, so bangs automatically part in the middle. It reminds me of curtains!

I've tried a side part and pinning the front part of my hair back with some blingy hairclips, then a lower bun. works wonders! Keep those great ideas coming!

[RavennaNight]

Mostly wear my hair up only to work. I started with chemically dyed, heat styled hair. I thought for sure it would all break off before I got anywhere near where I am unless I wore it up. But I couldn't bring myself to. I love my hair down! And guess what? I am at hip now, 1.5 years later. It didn't break off and fall off my head because I didn't hide it in updos all the time. It is long and flowy and pretty darn healthy. You don't have to keep it up all the time. Enjoy your hair. There is no point to growing it if you are unhappy with it! ;)

[Sheltie_Momma]

I'm 36, so this may not apply. .. but with my hair up I find I look entirely different when I take the time to exfoliate, mosturize and apply a good shade of blush (a bit at the hairline, across the forehead, tips of ears etc.) and some highlighter (top of cheeks, inside corner of eyes, middle of browbone) It only takes 5 minutes but seems to take off a good ten years and transforms the same hair-do from tired and older to fresh-faced and vibrant.

[ReneeIstKrieg]

I have a whirl at my forehead too and my hair is pretty thin so bangs just turn out stringy for me :( I always part on the side when I put my hair up, but I also wear my hair down almost every day and my hair's almost tailbone length so you really don't have to wear your hair up EVERY DAY.

[Babyfine]

My husband has also tactfully told me he vastly prefers my hair down as well.
And so do I. I like my hair down so much better-but I have to keep it up at least 75% of the time if I'm going to grow it longer than shoulder length. It gets tangled so easily for one reason, and it's very fragile. I had chin length bangs but they look stringy and frizzy, so I've grown them out.- I have seriously been considering cutting in shorter bangs. I've tried wispies- but with hair as uber-fine as mine they really don't work-hard to explain.-thicker bangs work better with my hair but then they do take away from my pony circumference.