Yep, I Think It *IS* Time To Say Goodbye To My Long Locks!

[Aerith]

Hey everyone,

Some of you might recognize me from a few months back. I was a newby here and posted some pictures of my TBL hair and asked your opinions on whether or not I needed to chop it because of all the splits, heat damage and flyaways. I've come to this site at least three times a day since I joined (it's addicting and helpful! ). And doing so, I'm learning to analyze my hair and realize what's wrong with it or what it may need. Before that, I've never really taken the time to do that.

A week ago I finally picked up a pair of hair-cutting shears to do a "search and destroy" like some of you mentioned to get rid of the splits. I spent hours doing a small part of my hair close to the nape and it worked decently. The next time, it was a sunny day and I figured in the natural sun light I could really see the split ends and get a majority of them. In the sun, I picked up a small strand on the top of my head closest to my face and examined. It was... just RIDDEN with split ends. It took me two hours to get about 70% done on just that section. And I mean, this was such a small section, smaller than my pinky in width! I was very discouraged when I realized why my hair isn't smooth - it doesn't have a natural wiry texture like I thought before, but rather the cause is from all the tiny bumps from split ends! No wonder why my hair is breaking and tangles so much, yeesh! I know this is true because the under layers of my hair where I used to not heatstyle that much, looks a lot healthier and does not look wiry and I can actually get a comb through that part of my hair.

I honestly do not feel like it's possible to get rid even half of these split ends in my hair. I never knew it was THIS bad. I'm sure everyone has a split end here and there and I KNOW it's not possible to get rid of every single one, but I feel really bad about this.

I'll give you a quick summary of what my hair has been through. Be warned that this will make you cringe! I went into High School where everybody was obsessed with stick straight hair. Before going there, I had never even heard of or owned a hair straightener and a Blowdryer was my only styling tool which I rarely used. However, I quickly fell into their pattern. I'd straighten my hair bone straight in the morning (My hair isn't even wavy) with no heat protector (I was very naive to hair back then), and then the half way period in school everyone had their straightener with them and we retouched our hair to make sure it stayed that way. Every single night I would have to wash it because of all the oils from using so much heat and running a hot straightener through my hair constantly. I'd then blowdry it on a very high heat setting to dry it as quick as possible (I kept my hair about waist length back then) and this took at least an hour. I'd tie it back at night and then start over in the morning with the straightener! Sometimes I would use the flat iron BOTH at night AND in the morning if I was going out that night.

Yep, it was that bad. I see your fingers wagging at me, lol! Of course after two years of doing this and paying attention to hair care I realized what I was doing and cut down drastically. I don't think I did any heat styling after I turned 18 and I'm 21 now. I figure that the last 6 inches to 12 inches in my hair are still heat damaged.

I struggle with taming my long hair though and I don't think it's just because of the damage from heat styling. I believe it's texture contributes to it - It's very thick and flyaway. It's my genetics. Almost all my life I've had very very long hair. I've always been a little scared of change - once I find something I like I normally stick with it, whether it be routine, shampoo, hairstyle, makeup, clothing style, etc. My hair has always been cut straight across with no layers or style and I haven't had bangs since I was a small child. It's always been the same color too. And that's it: boring and plain. I remember being in elementary school and my mom taking a half an hour to brush through my buttocks length hair before I headed out the door to school so it would look presentable, only to see me come home with 10x more tangles and have to do it again (Lol, My poor mom). I've also realized that I am an all or nothing person. Meaning, that when I decide to do something I decide to make it drastic, as you will see.

Since my attempt to search and destroy the splits, I have been doing a lot of thinking. I thought... what are my motives to keep my long TBL hair nowadays... especially since it's so damaged and I've been struggling with it? Would I be happier with short hair? Would it be easier to manage? It's so thick that it hurts my neck when I put it back or it gives me a headache. It takes at least a full 12 hours to air dry. It's so damaged that a braid doesn't look nice - I have too many flyaways up the whole entire length. I consider myself hair challenged, so I cannot do updos properly. I can no longer wear it down without much difficulty and without it getting in the way. I've stepped on it before when I leaned down to pick something up. I find hair constantly all over the house (it's kinda funny sometimes where my hair will end up. Like, how did it get there!?). I currently am suffering from an illness which leaves me very malnourished and I don't think I'll be able to achieve or maintain normally healthy hair for a while.

I've never really experimented besides one time in my life when I had it cut to my shoulders. So... I made a list of pros of keeping it long and the pros of cutting it short.

Keeping it long:
- No risk of hating the new haircut/No Regrets
- I get the occasional compliment about how long my hair is
- I won't be part of the norm and like "everybody else" with short hair.

Cutting it short:
- No more or less neck pains and headaches
- Able to wear it down more often = confidence booster
- Less damage, much healthier
- Get to try out something new
- Quicker showers
- Able to wash it more often/Less oil
- Less worrying about how something might damage my ends more

Shorter hair wins in this case, but I am scared to make the change! I've considered trying out layers to get rid of the damage on the top part of my hair, but... :) Life is short and I will only live once. I've also heard layers are hard to manage and cause more tangles. I think I should try out something (very!) different for once even if I regret it a little. And if I do, my hair will be much healthier in the long run because I know a lot more about caring for it now. I am not sure I enjoy having long hair anymore (in this state at least). :(

I'm assuming I posted here because deep down I'm looking for someone to tell me "NO!! DON'T!" so there are still doubts in my mind. :P I'm thinking of going all the way up to shoulder length because I have loads splits below that point.

Questions for yous!:
- Any cute shorter hairstyles to recommend for my hair type? *Points to her hair type to the left*
- Any other suggestions/comments/TALKING ME INTO MY SENSES before I make this huge change? (I know I'll panic in the salon chair, if I make it there!)
- What should I do with the hair once I chop it off? I've learned that it shouldn't go to L.O.L., so should I keep it with me?
- Am I just overreacting? Does everybody with long hair have this much trouble with splits and can't get rid of them even with a S&D?

For references of the damage and length, here are references pics I took when I first signed up for advice:
YES, that is ALL splits and breakage! (http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k172/Melichan923/My%20Hair/MyHair04.png)
My Length (Not all is showing though) (http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k172/Melichan923/My%20Hair/MyHair07.png)

I'm posting about getting my hair cut short in a forum that promotes long hair. o.o Please don't yell at me! :p

Thanks for reading! I really need your advice about this situation because it's becoming a burden! :(

[Aerith]

Wowzers! :eek: That is one long topic post. Sorry about that everyone, lol.

[nowxisxforever]

You could do what I tend to sometimes when the splits get overwhelming-- take a small section of hair, maybe 1-2" square, twist like you are going to bun it, rub your hand lightly from the ends towards your roots to make the ends stick out, then simply snip along the edges getting all the ends at once. If you have a beard trimmer or something this makes it easier, just be careful. Do this on each section of hair, and maybe do a 2-3" trim on your ends. See if your hair is in any better condition after this. I tend not to do the end trim since I can generally microtrim most of the splits on the ends away, but tough times call for drastic measures, I say!

Good luck.

[Aerith]

You could do what I tend to sometimes when the splits get overwhelming-- take a small section of hair, maybe 1-2" square, twist like you are going to bun it, rub your hand lightly from the ends towards your roots to make the ends stick out, then simply snip along the edges getting all the ends at once. If you have a beard trimmer or something this makes it easier, just be careful. Do this on each section of hair, and maybe do a 2-3" trim on your ends. See if your hair is in any better condition after this. I tend not to do the end trim since I can generally microtrim most of the splits on the ends away, but tough times call for drastic measures, I say!

Good luck.

Hey nowxisxforever! Thanks for your response. That was quite a quick reply. :)

I tried it like that and I find that even when I do this, my splits tend to stay buried under and not pop up. I can't seem to get all of them this way. Maybe I do it incorrectly though.

The actual ends of my hair where the majority meets is actually pretty thick, but the splits along the mid part are: :taz:

[smilinjenn71]

I think you should do what is going to make YOU HAPPY! After all, it's your hair, not others.;)

[nowxisxforever]

Hey nowxisxforever! Thanks for your response. That was quite a quick reply. :)

I tried it like that and I find that even when I do this, my splits tend to stay buried under and not pop up. I can't seem to get all of them this way. Maybe I do it incorrectly though.

The actual ends of my hair where the majority meets is actually pretty thick, but the splits along the mid part are: :taz:

I know how you feel! Mine is the same way honestly-- I just do this every time my middle feels crunchy and it fixes it right up though. You may need to take smaller sections, or more, or braid each section and then cut what's sticking out after rubbing from bottom up (that way you get more of the 'middle' hairs). Patience & perseverance and you should be able to combat those splits! I have faith in you! ;) <3

Good luck!

[Delila]

Well, if you haven't been doing a lot of S&D split end trimming, maybe you just need to make it a regular part of your routine for a bit, just to see if, over time, things get better.

Another thing to be sure of, is the quality of your hair trimming shears. Bad ones can damage your hair, so it's important to make sure you know which you're dealing with. (Do the ends you've trimmed remain healthy, or do they become frayed and frazzled?)

I've found it's easier to be gentle with my hair at longer lengths, so for me, going back short isn't an option.

[Speckla]

Your hair looks beautiful and not damaged in those photos. What products are you using? Perhaps cones would help.

[Never2old]

Hello!

I didn't read all your post (sorry, I'm just being lazy), but may I comment anyway?

If your hair is heavy enough to give you headaches/neckaches, please consider what sort of proportions you'll be left with if you cut short. My hair has thinned a bit as I've aged, but when my hair was still iii, I thought the best proportions were either very short (which meant frequent haircuts) or about bra strap (long enough to lay nicely without looking....wrong).

If you go shoulder length (go for it! if that's what you want), consider whether your new cut will work with the sort of clothing you wear (turtlenecks or t-shirts, great; collared shirts, you may be constantly feeling your hair caught inside your collar.

If you're at tailbone and wanting something new, you should do it.

Consider playing with the color, just for something new.

Have fun with it, whatever you decide.

[Elenna]

Damaged hair with split ends!

Aerith could you trim your hair in small increments like 1 or 2 inches at a time about every 3-4 months. Meanwhile, your new hair will be growing so the trims won't seem so drastic. Your hair will still have some damage, but you'd be surprised how much it really helps. Eventually, you'll have better hair.

This is how I'm dealing with heat and dye damaged hair.

I seem to remember Nightshade did this.

Damaged Hair: Understanding, Preventing & Rehabilitating (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=79)

[jasper]

Well, just like there's long hair, and then there LHC long hair, there's short and then there's short. I think you could take it in steps and try getting shorter hair a bit at a time, until you find what you like.

[Carolyn]

I don't understand why you think you need to go all the way up to shoulders. I'd strongly suggest trimming a little at a time. Why not trim 2 or 3 inches and see if that helps. Wait a few weeks and see if you want to trim more. Often just a few inches will solve a problem. Keep up with the S & D in between your trims. Baby your hair all the time. Do heavy oilings before you wash. And start doing SMT's to add moisture. You can baby your hair along as it grows. Many of us have done it.

[kmangus]

Im with Carolyn on this one....a drastic chop is too much...and your hairs condition can improve with proper care.

[Tangles]

If you want SL go for it. I can see some damage at the hemline--but you would get a drastic improvement simply by cutting to the midback range. You might also want to see if cassia works for you. It doesn't work for everyone, but might be worth a try to prevent further damage.

[sedonia]

As others have suggested, you have more options than just cutting short or not cutting.

From your description, it sounds like the last 6" are very damaged, so just trimming an inch or two would likely leave you with much damage. You could try cutting 6" off and see if you like it better. If its still not what you want you could cut another few inches or so. You might end up with a short haircut at the end of it all, but at least you will have no regrets, or wonder what your hair would have looked like if you'd gone with a less drastic trim.

[melrose1985]

I dont know if you looked into the cat nip, but i've read that it's supposed to help with the split ends.

I say if you want cut to shoulder then do it.. but i would wait the two week rule just to make sure you really want it. But i agree with maybe cutting a couple of inches and baby your hair.

best of luck either way!

[pepperminttea]

Maybe it's because I'm reading this late, but - what do you want from your hair? You should do what makes *you* happy, and as much as I love long hair, it does sound as if you might enjoy trying it at SL for a while. And if you hate it, hey, we'll be here to console you as you grow it out again, healthily and happily. :)

[klcqtee]

I vote cut your hair to somewhere between waist and BSL. This is a huge cut already, and will be a nice change! It will get rid of about half the damage, and make dealing with your hair possibly a bit easier. If you're still frustrated, I'd then find a really cute super short cut (something that suits your face of course), and go for it! You could have fun and henna or whatever it is you'd like to try out, or just have a clean start to grow back out or find a length you really do like. It takes a long time to grow out though...

[jojo]

I suggest the same as the above posters, try little trims, the shock from going from TB to shoulders will seriously get you down. To me you don't seem 100&#37; sure what you want to do, so definatelly the 2 week rule comes into play here. In the mean time, a little dust of the ends and ignore those splits, I never s&d and just get little trims a few times a year. I swear you find more when you search for them!

Try some SMT. DC, oilings and see how they work, seriously your hair looks in good health to me, sure your hemline could so with a bit of attention but the rest looks great.

Please don't do anything on impulse it nearly always ends in tears! put the 2 week rule into action and if you are 100% sure then, well go for it! Its your choiceat the end of the day, just try other options first, you never know you may even start to love your hair again!

[ravenreed]

A comment on layers: I love mine. They do not make worse tangles, at least not for me. They do, however, make S&D's much harder.

[turtlelover]

Why not cut it to mid back length? That would get rid of a bunch of the damage but wouldn't be so traumatic.....it would still be considered long by most people's standards. You could always cut to shoulder later if it ended up still being too long for your taste.

[Ally<3]

To be honest, from your post, I think you should consider a decent chop. Maybe not to shoulder length if you're not brave enough... but why have the long hair if it doesn't make you happy? You're not going to any less of a person (obviously) without your hair and you KNOW that it's not healthy and needs to be cut. I can't understand why girls hold on to their damaged dead ends, but a lot do. And it's the old cliche.. it's only hair and it grows back! And it's fun to grow it! :)

And if you've never had it short, you never know, you may love it! I'm sitting in the 'go for it' corner. LOL.

[Demetrue]

I would start doing catnip trea rinses and SMT's (non-cone conditioner, honey and clear aloe vera gel, warmed up and left under bag/shower cap for at least an hour or two and then rinsed out well but not shampooed) and maybe some deep oilings on the ends. If you feel you must cut, then I would cut to waist and then maintain it at waist - every 6 months, cut off 3 inches. In 2 years, you will still have waist, but much of the damage will have been cut away without doing anything horribly drastic. By the way, I think your hair is beautiful - gorgeous color, length, etc.

[Anje]

I can see that you have some damage, but I can also totally relate to S&Ding a small section, realizing that it's full of splits and getting overwhelmed, even when hair isn't totally split.

One thing that might be worth considering is what percentage of the hairs actually have split ends. For my hair, I like to keep the split hairs under about 10&#37;, but I have come to realize that there's no way I'm ever going to get rid of all of them. For many of us, to have long hair is to have some split ends.

Personally, while I can see some damage in your hair, I can also see that you have a lot of very pretty hair, and it seems a shame to cut it all off if you don't actually want to have short hair. I would suggest that you cut it back to hip or waist length. You'll still have some splits at that length, but I think you'll be amazed with how much better and more manageable the number of splits are at that point, and it won't really be short. You'll have a lot less time to get your hair back to a length like you have now, or you could maintain for a while and cut off more splits as the hair gets longer.

So my vote is to cut to hip or waist, not to shoulder.

[Leena7]

I am the kind of person who likes to go for the plunge instead of trimming off a few inches every few months, but I also think that you really should just decide what you want to do. Life is short. If you want to rock short hair, than do it. If you want to keep your hair long for a while, that it great too. Remember that in the end, it is only hair and it will grow back. Your hair should make you feel good, you shouldn't have to be a slave to it. However, I don't exactly believe the theory of cutting off hair slowly to transition because some of the mid lengths just aren't as flattering on me. I thought I'd just throw that in there if you do decide to cut.

[Tressie]

Your hair may be like mine. It splits! I used to think that if I cut my length I wouldn't have so many splits, but I'll just bet that I have a bunch on the nape hairs, which I can't see because they are too short. I think some people are just more prone to splits and, short or long. will have them. I hope this isn't discouraging to you, I don't mean to be! (o:

So, I decided if I was going to have some splits anyway, that I'd grow my hair long!!

[fawn]

Wowzers! :eek: That is one long topic post. Sorry about that everyone, lol.


I just wanted to say I feel for you. My husband had long hair (past waist) for the first 16 years we were together. The last half was damaged, fine, split and torn, and he could just never seem to get it under control. One day two years ago, he told me to just cut it spontaneously. It is just babyfine, and without feeling like he is performing excessively effeminite care, he can't keep it in great shape that long.

He still misses his long hair, mainly due to the reasons you named. But he knows the short, easy care is much better than long, troublesome, damaged hair.

Honestly, if your hair is that damaged, it will probably need quite a drastic cut to get it where you are happy with the condition - perhaps some layering would help. But I totally understand you and hope you find luscious healthy hair that pleases you:):)

[mellie89]

You have so much good advice already, but I'll throw my 2 cents in. :flower:

If I were you, I would cut to BSL. That's still quite long by most people's standards, and if you decide you want to grow it super long again, it may be an easier starting point than shoulder. I know you said you had some damage above that, so maybe you can do some small trims for awhile to maintain and make a good decision about where to go next!

But please, do whatever will make you happiest... and show us pictures! :)

[Keildra]

such good advice, I'd say do what makes you happy. I have a two week-two inches rule- think about it for two weeks and if I change my mind once I start the two weeks over, if I make it through the two weeks I only cut off two inches and then start another two weeks. If its what you really want you'll still want it in two weeks

[RocketDog]

What about cutting back to, say, waist? That would remove a signifigant amount of the oldest length, and you could start working with the 'new' ends to keep splits to a minimum while still keeping your hair 'unfashionably' long according to today's standards...

[JCFantasy23]

I don't understand why you think you need to go all the way up to shoulders. I'd strongly suggest trimming a little at a time. Why not trim 2 or 3 inches and see if that helps. Wait a few weeks and see if you want to trim more. Often just a few inches will solve a problem. Keep up with the S & D in between your trims. Baby your hair all the time. Do heavy oilings before you wash. And start doing SMT's to add moisture. You can baby your hair along as it grows. Many of us have done it.

This is what I'm thinking of too :) You look to me to have beautiful long hair in the pictures. I would baby the hair, invest in great scissors if you haven't already, perhaps cut off 2-3 inches. Keep trimming at a certain length for awhile to slowly cut off any other damaged ends while improving the rest of the hair. This is what I would do at any rate.

[ericthegreat]

Aerith, the most important thing is that you are happy with the end result of whatever you decide to do with your hair. If holding on to what you feel to be very damaged hair really bothers you this much, then I also agree that you need a fresh start.

With that being said however, to go from TB length hair to shoulder length hair is an extreme change. At shoulder length, you simply will not be able to do many of the longer braids and updo styles that you may wish to learn to do. Also, its simply a very drastic cut..........it might be too much of a shock for you and I wouldn't want you to regret cutting so much off. I think your best course of action is to take baby steps.

If you feel that the last 4 inches are unsalvageable, then off they go. 4 whole inches makes a world of difference. You would still be at around hip length with 4 inches taken off. Also, be extra vigilant about conditioning and moisturizing your hair. Coconut oil has proven to work wonders, you might want to consider doing a coconut oil pre-shampoo treatment once a week or so. Simply apply enough coconut oil all over your hair until its saturated, then leave it on for a few hours or sleep with it overnight and wash it out in the morning.

[ericthegreat]

I'd also just want to add that what I'm suggesting is of course my own opinion Aerith, I think you look beautiful with the length of hair you have now so I have to admit I'd be a little sad to see it go if you decide to take that route! :p

[Alun]

Your hair may be like mine. It splits! I used to think that if I cut my length I wouldn't have so many splits, but I'll just bet that I have a bunch on the nape hairs, which I can't see because they are too short. I think some people are just more prone to splits and, short or long. will have them. I hope this isn't discouraging to you, I don't mean to be! (o:

So, I decided if I was going to have some splits anyway, that I'd grow my hair long!!

That's like my hair. It just splits by itself, without heat or chemicals. I long ago decided I would just have to put up with it, because I just prefer long hair.

OTOH, the OP did say she has heat damage, and I don't think even I have as many splits as in that closeup picture. However, she could cut off 6 inches or even twice that without any fear of being taken for a shorthair. Maybe that's not a bad idea, but cutting may not make the splits go away. There are ways to make splits less obvious though. A couple of people have posted some suggestions.

[Toadstool]

How come everyone can see your pictures but I can't?
I would go with cutting to BSL and seeing if you like it. Then in a week you can go shorter if you want to, but otherwise it will still be long.
But if you really fancy a change then cut it short. It sounds to me like you really want to but are too scared.
D'you know what? Whatever you do, it will grow back. So if you really want a big change, then go for it! It's only hair.

[prittykitty]

If I had hair that length, I wouldn't care how dry or fried it felt. I would keep it and find some kind of way to get it healthy again. Also I would probably just get a trim every couple of months and get rid of the bad ends that way. My hair is also dried out and has some split ends and I do the best I can. I just wish my hair would grow to that length. Trust me on this. I have shorter hair and it is not easier to take care of. It is a pain trying to figure out how to make it look presentable without using heat. It has not been easy. I am waiting for the day that my hair is APL. It will be much easier to deal with because my curls will be heavier and I will have lots of new growth and I can trim away the bad, chemically damaged ends.

[Teufelchen]

To be honest, I do not have much trouble with split ends, but I still include S&D in my every day routine. It is a modified S&D, but it might work for you. Every evening, when I detangle my hair, I separate it into two parts, one on each side of my head and detangle, then I get my scissors and trim of the split ends I see. This takes about 5 minutes for both sides and after a couple of weeks it will get harder to find them, but even if you end up with just finding one or two each time, you will gradually get rid of them. It takes its time, but it's worth it.

How do I make my split ends show up?
When I twist my hair into strands, my split ends hide and I cannot find them, so I tried something different. I take a quarter of my hair and put it through my thumb and index finger, bend it around the index finger and let it go down between the index and middle finder. Then I pull very gentle and slowly and cut the split ends poking out. If you dont press your fingers together, it shouldn't cause more damage and it makes the split ends show up.

I hope my explanation is clear enough.

[Spike]

Well, first and foremost, it's your hair and your life. "An' ye harm none, do what ye will" and all that.

I agree with other posters who note that shoulderlength is tough--my longest layers are APL, the shortest are "can I call this shoulder?" I can just barely get everything pulled back in a pony or cinnabun, and cannot get a French braid to stay yet. There just isn't enough length to wrap several times in the scalp part of the braid, so it slithers out in a few minutes.

You've never had hair that short, according to your post. Long hair can be styled by putting it up in braids, buns, and updos. Shorter hair needs to be styled by cutting into a shape, and often then needs refining in the way of blow-drying, curling, or gels and sprays.* Are you willing to put in the time styling a shorter style? Or will this become just one more thing to fuss with?

I support whatever choice you make--up to and including shaving your head, because what the heck, we only get the one life. What's important is that your choice pleases you.



*I confess to giggling at the Herbal Essence "Tousel Me Softly" commercial. Flat irons, curlers, and THREE products to get hair that looks just like mine air-dried and fingercombed.

[JamieLeigh]

I would also like to join the camp who are voting for doing not such a big chop. I can definitely see some damaged hairs, but there are a lot of healthy ones in there too, and it seems a shame to cut them off to get rid of the bad ones. :(

My suggestion would be, get rid of all or most of the heat damage at the ends, by going to waist or hip and not all the way to shoulder. And it sounds like you just haven't had a lot of experience doing S&D yet, so it really just seems to be overwhelming you. The good news is, if you make it part of your routine, then over time you should see less of them, and should be able to cut down on the time spent in S&D. And if it's too big of a job for you to do it yourself, ask for someone you trust to help you with some of it. Then you can sit and read a book and not worry over it, if you find a willing pair of hands. :)

Whatever you decide, just let it be what YOU want. Sometimes a few inches off can feel like a whole new head of hair. ;)

[MadPirateBippy]

I know that the hair closer to my face tends to be chock full of splits, so depending on the section you grabbed, that could be an impact.

Honestly, if your canopy is full of splits and your under layers are OK, I'd seriously consider some layers.

[fawn]

...

How do I make my split ends show up?
When I twist my hair into strands, my split ends hide and I cannot find them, so I tried something different. I take a quarter of my hair and put it through my thumb and index finger, bend it around the index finger and let it go down between the index and middle finder. Then I pull very gentle and slowly and cut the split ends poking out. If you dont press your fingers together, it shouldn't cause more damage and it makes the split ends show up.

I hope my explanation is clear enough.

I do the exact same, works way better for me than twisting

[Paliele]

I say cut it off. Sometimes a big change is just what you need to love your hair again. My hair was almost BSL and I didn't like it and was definitely updo-challenged. Then I cut it off to pixie-length. Now I'm growing it back out again, and I have come to love my hair. I can do more updos (though not all of them) and I just like it better. If it were me, I would cut to armpit-length instead of shoulder-length because it's a little easier to work with and do updos with. But, as always, do what you like!

[jivete]

Have you considered the split-ender? I've heard mixed reviews on them, but it might help with the amount of splits you're dealing with.

[Periwinkle]

I wouldn't cut it it all at once. How short are you thinking of going - shoulders? If you're at TB now, the shortest I'd go to start with would be just brushing waist. That's still long and would keep two of your 3 advantages - compliments on the length (waist is still often extremely long in the non-LHC world) and not being like everybody else. It would also be a change, but not as bad if you decide to grow back out. Plus, you might be overestimating the damage to your hair or how new ends would feel - you can always cut more later but it'll take years to grow back.

[spidermom]

I'm glad to see somebody already referenced the article by Nightshade about living with and rehabilitating damaged hair. For the first few years that I was a member here, she cut half her growth every month. That way the damage steadily decreased and her length slowly increased.

[pdy2kn6]

Tough decision, it depends I guess what your overall goal is, and of course what makes you the most happy. Is length such a big deal to you? If not perhaps see what it would be like going to waist, and then your more in between. And you then have for the most part of your hair healthy (as it has been heat free the past 3 years). Or If length is the most important thing, perhaps just keep up doing small frequent trims to get rid of the last layer of splits. I couldn't do the trimming monthly thing though because I prefer to notice differences, and for me it seems abit going back/not having anything to look forward to, whereas if you want to grow long healthy hair, perhaps a big trim would be the best and then your splits wont travel up and you can really feel a change in the health of your hair.

Do you have a length in mind you would like to grow to? Your hair texture is so nice, is it naturally that straight?

Good luck, make sure you tell us your final decision! :)

[Fractalsofhair]

Well, I personally think chopping can be fun. With 1b hair you could get a bob, or any sort of pixie and have it look good(1b isn't as "limp" as 1a can be, not that 1a is limp, but it can be dead straight and either stick up or lay totally flat). Hair does grow back!

But, if you're just worried about damage, try cutting off maybe 12-18 inches and see how that goes. That could help a lot with the damage while still keeping length. Also, headaches can be due to many other causes, esp if you've had long hair your whole life. Your hair does not look at ALL damaged compared to what I see on a daily basis or how my hair was after I dyed it and used a blowdryer for a month.

[longhairedfairy]

You could start with a trim of only a couple inches. It's amazing what a difference just that much can make. Then the difference in length won't be such a shock and you can always cut off more if you feel the need.:)

[Aerith]

Hey again everyone! :)

Thanks so much for all of your advice and compliments! I did a lot of thinking about your replies and I think I figured out what I'm going to do:

I'm going to wait it out for two weeks while in the mean time, use your suggested methods to S&D (starting tomorrow). I'll see if I can do it daily and if I'm lucky, my hair's condition and appearance will drastically improve. Then, if I still decide it's too damaged and I'm still down about it, I think I will ask my mom to cut it to about Periwinkle's length (slightly above waist like in her sig pic. That's a really pretty length on you, Periwinkle!). If it *still* seems very damaged, I'll ask her to cut it to slightly above BSL and that should fix most of the damage.

I'll try to take a picture today or tomorrow and then my final day of S&D and compare and contrast. Maybe I am just too picky about my own hair. If I saw a texture like this on somebody else I'd probably think nothing bad of it, but it all does come down to how I personally feel about it. *Crosses fingers* I hope it all works out! This is kinda scary in a way, lol! :eek:

Again, thanks for all your help! I really needed it. Hugs for all of you! :grouphug:

[Aerith]

Have you considered the split-ender? I've heard mixed reviews on them, but it might help with the amount of splits you're dealing with.

Yes, I actually have! But that product does seem a little too good to be true. And Normally when it does, it really is too good to be true. It would be great to hear from someone who has tried it though!

[SimplyViki]

Are you entirely opposed to layers, like MadPirateBippy mentioned? If you did some long layers, starting at anywhere from as short as BSL, to as long as just-above-waist or so (professionally done, please, if you're looking for drastically improved results), then if you do end up deciding to cut to BSL, you can go right back to all-one-length hair. But you stand a really great chance of loving your hair at its current (or perhaps a few inches shorter, since you say your ends are damaged as well) length if you add some well-done layers, IMHO.

The reason I suggest this is because you seem to indicate that most of the damage is on the outside part of your hair, or your canopy. That's what they'd cut off to do layers, so you'd eliminate a heck of a lot of the damage that way, and expose more of the hair you mentioned is healthier and smoother.

You could incorporate that into your plan, as follows:
S&D for two weeks to wait it out before adding layers.
If drastic improvement is noted, keep hair as-is and maintain your S&D routine.
If no improvement is unnoticeable, or not noticeable enough, try layers.
Wait 2 weeks after the layers to decide how much/if you like the improvement, and then if you still think it needs cut, then cut to Periwinkle's length like you mentioned.
Wait another 2 weeks, and proceed to slightly above BSL if you still deem it necessary (which I don't really think would happen).

Layers are often a source of frustration for longhairs, because they can make braids and updos a challenge, but they can be a huge boost in the appearance of your hair when down, and if you're thinking of cutting it anyway... :shrug: Why not try it?

[Amoretti]

I'm more about quality than quantity. If your split ends are really as bad as you say no amount of conditioner is going to help. If you can't face S&D because there are so many I'd cut back to BSL. :flower:

[jojo]

Hey again everyone! :)

Thanks so much for all of your advice and compliments! I did a lot of thinking about your replies and I think I figured out what I'm going to do:

I'm going to wait it out for two weeks while in the mean time, use your suggested methods to S&D (starting tomorrow). I'll see if I can do it daily and if I'm lucky, my hair's condition and appearance will drastically improve. Then, if I still decide it's too damaged and I'm still down about it, I think I will ask my mom to cut it to about Periwinkle's length (slightly above waist like in her sig pic. That's a really pretty length on you, Periwinkle!). If it *still* seems very damaged, I'll ask her to cut it to slightly above BSL and that should fix most of the damage.

I'll try to take a picture today or tomorrow and then my final day of S&D and compare and contrast. Maybe I am just too picky about my own hair. If I saw a texture like this on somebody else I'd probably think nothing bad of it, but it all does come down to how I personally feel about it. *Crosses fingers* I hope it all works out! This is kinda scary in a way, lol! :eek:

Again, thanks for all your help! I really needed it. Hugs for all of you! :grouphug:
some hairdressers will S&D for you, just a thought!

[Aerith]

some hairdressers will S&D for you, just a thought!

Woot, really!? I didn't think that was an option anywhere! I'll definitively consider that because I don't have any friends that feel comfortable helping me out with this (most are short hairs).

I wonder how I'd ask for one at a salon, lol. I'd probably confuse them and end up getting really short layers. :eek:

[Aerith]

You know that the funny thing is? I'm having a really good hair day today and I've done absolutely nothing different than usual. It's like my hair is saying, "No, don't chop me off! I'll be nice now, I promise!" lol :p

I wore down to the kitchen because I was in the middle of combing and my mum actually commented on my hair and said I didn't need a cut (which is a first). I guess my hair likes playing tricks on me. It was wicked soft for four days last week and then decided to freak out. Now it's decent again out of the blue. :shrug: I don't do anything different to it either.

[SimplyViki]

Sometimes I think hair gets moody. I know I get velcro ends now and then. Sometimes even clarifying doesn't help. Recently, my hair's been responding very well to L'Oreal Mega Moisture - it makes it very soft, slippery, and easily de-tangled, all the way to the ends. Sometimes my hair seems to respond to something really well for a while, and then just go "meh" about it later on. But I've heard really great things about this Mega Moisture stuff, it's great for tangles, and it made my hair really soft. You might try picking up a bit of it - Sally Beauty supply had a sample-sized packet of it when I went.

[Aerith]

Sometimes I think hair gets moody. I know I get velcro ends now and then. Sometimes even clarifying doesn't help. Recently, my hair's been responding very well to L'Oreal Mega Moisture - it makes it very soft, slippery, and easily de-tangled, all the way to the ends. Sometimes my hair seems to respond to something really well for a while, and then just go "meh" about it later on. But I've heard really great things about this Mega Moisture stuff, it's great for tangles, and it made my hair really soft. You might try picking up a bit of it - Sally Beauty supply had a sample-sized packet of it when I went.

Thanks. :) That sounds like a good idea. I just read the reviews on the Sally's website and there isn't one bad thing people have said about it. I'll pick up one of the packets next time I go. :)

[longhairedfairy]

You know that the funny thing is? I'm having a really good hair day today and I've done absolutely nothing different than usual. It's like my hair is saying, "No, don't chop me off! I'll be nice now, I promise!" lol :p

I wore down to the kitchen because I was in the middle of combing and my mum actually commented on my hair and said I didn't need a cut (which is a first). I guess my hair likes playing tricks on me. It was wicked soft for four days last week and then decided to freak out. Now it's decent again out of the blue. :shrug: I don't do anything different to it either.
Maybe it's the weather.

[Aerith]

Maybe it's the weather.

Hmm.. maybe. :confused:

[bigmama8]

How do I make my split ends show up?
When I twist my hair into strands, my split ends hide and I cannot find them, so I tried something different. I take a quarter of my hair and put it through my thumb and index finger, bend it around the index finger and let it go down between the index and middle finder. Then I pull very gentle and slowly and cut the split ends poking out. If you dont press your fingers together, it shouldn't cause more damage and it makes the split ends show up.

I hope my explanation is clear enough.

This is the method I use for S & D also. It works better for me than the twist method.

My hair is very similar to yours. Since I've joined LHC, I've started using a leave-in conditioner after washing. On days that my hair acts up, I usually add more conditioner and braid it. I don't buy a special leave-in conditioner but just use regular VO5 or Garnier Fructis Triple Nutrition. This has really helped with the condition of my hair.

I forgot to say that I don't think your hair looks like it needs cut off. I can't see your ends in the picture though, but I would say just trim a couple inches if your ends need it.

[Aerith]

This is the method I use for S & D also. It works better for me than the twist method.

My hair is very similar to yours. Since I've joined LHC, I've started using a leave-in conditioner after washing. On days that my hair acts up, I usually add more conditioner and braid it. I don't buy a special leave-in conditioner but just use regular VO5 or Garnier Fructis Triple Nutrition. This has really helped with the condition of my hair.

I forgot to say that I don't think your hair looks like it needs cut off. I can't see your ends in the picture though, but I would say just trim a couple inches if your ends need it.

Thanks for your reply. :)

Here is a picture of my ends after I got it trimmed six whole inches 3 months ago:
Ends (http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k172/Melichan923/My%20Hair/MyHair06.png)

My hair looks shorter than it is in that photo because I had to take it in the bathroom where there isn't much space. If I have time tomorrow I will take some new ones, maybe out in the sunlight if it's sunny. :)

[bigmama8]

Your ends look great in the picture you just posted. I think your hair is lovely. You should be able to get it in better shape with S & D. I do mine about once a week. I don't think it's possible to ever get rid of all of them but just do the best you can.

My hair gets in a flyaway condition sometimes, but using the leave-in conditioner has helped with that tremendously. Hopefully that will work for you too. Whatever conditioner that you prefer should work.

[pdy2kn6]

Sometimes I think hair gets moody. I know I get velcro ends now and then. Sometimes even clarifying doesn't help. Recently, my hair's been responding very well to L'Oreal Mega Moisture - it makes it very soft, slippery, and easily de-tangled, all the way to the ends. Sometimes my hair seems to respond to something really well for a while, and then just go "meh" about it later on. But I've heard really great things about this Mega Moisture stuff, it's great for tangles, and it made my hair really soft. You might try picking up a bit of it - Sally Beauty supply had a sample-sized packet of it when I went.

Does anyone know if that L'oreal mega moisture is SLS and cone-free?

[Isilme]

Honestly. I think your hair looks dry, and dryness creates splits. Keep up with the S&D, clarify and work on the moisture. And keep your hair up, up, up!
Are you sure your scissors are good? You don't have any hairtoys or combs that might damage?
Such simple things as what kind of material your shirt is made of can make a world of difference, silk or silky materials? Good, wool? Bad. Do you keep your hair braided while you sleep? Are your pillowcases rough? Do you have some kind of nasty backing on a chair that eats your hair?
Curing the symptom is good, but finding the source is just as important. You say you did heat style for a while, hair that is already damaged can't take much beating.
Just some thoughts.
And if you really want to chop, take off maybe six inches. Couldn't hurt since you already have damage. But only you can decide that, do what feels best.
Oh, and on the night braiding, I find that a high braid is best. Just toss it over the pillow. Low braids aren't as good since they always end up between your back and the bed, rubbing along all night, creating more damage.

[Rahenna]

Does anyone know if that L'oreal mega moisture is SLS and cone-free?

If it's the conditioner, I think it's super-coney. (And I don't know what SLS is, ha ha!) Here's the ingredients:

Water, Cetearyl Alcohol, Behentrimonium Chloride, Glycerin, Amodimethicone, Cetyl Esters, Sodium PCA, Fragrance, Methylparaben, Trideceth-12, Sunflower Seed Oil, Chlorhexidine, Dihydrochloride, Cetrimonium Chloride, Yellow 5

For what it's worth, I use this stuff every day and I love it. :)

[Spring]

Maybe you could cut to waist and maintain there.

[GoddesJourney]

If you're worried about split ends, I would suggest cutting off no more than three inches. Usually, the majorities of splits are right there in the last few inches. You'll be much happier but not terribly worried about losing length. You won't be any shorter waist length after your chop, so it will still be pretty long.

[SimplyViki]

Does anyone know if that L'oreal mega moisture is SLS and cone-free?
SLS free, yes (but that's to be expected, SLS is generally a shampoo ingredient). Cone-free, no. And you'll need SLS if you're going to use cones. The amodimethicone, a cone, is (I think) what makes it so nice and slippery, and make the tangles fall out. I personally am finding that all cones are not created equal. My hair doesn't respond to this stuff the same way it responds to, say, Pantene conditioner, which is also cone-loaded, just with a different cone.

[Bonkers57]

It looks really good! Have the head/neck aches stopped?


Thanks for your reply. :)

Here is a picture of my ends after I got it trimmed six whole inches 3 months ago:
Ends (http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k172/Melichan923/My%20Hair/MyHair06.png)

My hair looks shorter than it is in that photo because I had to take it in the bathroom where there isn't much space. If I have time tomorrow I will take some new ones, maybe out in the sunlight if it's sunny. :)

[Aerith]

I thought about something last night that really might help me out! :D

I *think* I'm going to get my hair cut into a V shape after Thanksgiving. I'll have the longest length reach my waist. That way I won't spend years trying to salvage the thinner front part of my hair which doesn't look as good, I'll get some weight and damage taken off, and I will also get to try something pretty new.

The only problem is I need some references pictures to bring the the hairdresser (and so I can decide how prominent of a V I want and how short the sides will be) but I can't find many v-cut pictures so I can decide. This is for a whole different thread I think though.

Thanks for more of your replies, they really have been helping me out!

[little_acorn]

I thought about something last night that really might help me out! :D

I *think* I'm going to get my hair cut into a V shape after Thanksgiving. I'll have the longest length reach my waist. That way I won't spend years trying to salvage the thinner front part of my hair which doesn't look as good, I'll get some weight and damage taken off, and I will also get to try something pretty new.

The only problem is I need some references pictures to bring the the hairdresser (and so I can decide how prominent of a V I want and how short the sides will be) but I can't find many v-cut pictures so I can decide. This is for a whole different thread I think though.

Thanks for more of your replies, they really have been helping me out!


That sounds a really good idea and means you still get to keep length while loosing the damage :flower:

[Isilme]

that's a really good idea! I love v shaped hemlines:)

[bigmama8]

I thought about something last night that really might help me out! :D

I *think* I'm going to get my hair cut into a V shape after Thanksgiving. I'll have the longest length reach my waist. That way I won't spend years trying to salvage the thinner front part of my hair which doesn't look as good, I'll get some weight and damage taken off, and I will also get to try something pretty new.

The only problem is I need some references pictures to bring the the hairdresser (and so I can decide how prominent of a V I want and how short the sides will be) but I can't find many v-cut pictures so I can decide. This is for a whole different thread I think though.

Thanks for more of your replies, they really have been helping me out!

I think that sounds like a good idea. Your hair would look nice in a v-cut. You would still have long hair and be able to get rid of a lot of the damaged hair. It would probably be a good idea to post a separate thread requesting v-cut pictures. I've seen a lot of beautiful ones on LHC but can't remember any names.

[Deborah]

My thought is that if your hair is too heavy and is giving you headaches, it is probably time for a good cut. If the bottom 6 - 12 inches is damaged from the heat styling, let it go. Cut off the first 6 inches then assess how your hair looks and feels, and more importantly, how the cut affects your avoidance of headaches and any other health issues.

I'm a life long longhair like you, so you already know how your long hair works. Even though you are seriously ill, it has not affected your hair thickness or growth, so don't be afraid to try something new. You are very young, and you can grow back to tailbone in no time, even if you choose to cut off a foot.

I think shoulder length is a royal pain, so I suggest that you cut to somewhere around mid back. The lightness you will feel from a substantial cut is amazing! When my hair has just felt too long and heavy, a good cut (anywhere from 10 to 12 inches in my case) has made me feel terrific! My whole head just feels light and free, and I feel like swinging in circles to make my hair stand straight out. And even then, I have lovely long hair.

Do you see what I mean? When I get a little below tailbone, my hair starts to bug me. I don't have damage or splits, but I have learned over the years that I just don't like my hair longer than tailbone. Maybe you just don't really like and feel comfortable at this length, in addition to the damage and splits issue.

I guess I'm saying, don't be afraid to cut. On this list there are many who have never had long hair, or have fought so hard to get it long, that they cannot stand the idea of losing even a little. But for the 'lifers', long hair is great, but we can be much more relaxed about it. IT GROWS BACK. It never stops growing, so we can have any version of 'long' that we like. I don't know if I'm stating this in a way that you can relate to.

Just don't be afraid.

So, here's my opinion (like I haven't already given enough/too much of that!):

1. Cut off at least 6 inches to start. See how you and your hair feel. Hair affects our emotions too. You may enjoy the freedom of whacking off a nice chunk of hair. I always do.

2. If you still see splits and damage, cut off some more inches, but don't go shorter than BSL.

3. Don't go to shoulder. Shoulder is only necessary on your way back from a short cut, and is not a good goal length at all. It is difficult to style, it gets caught in everything, and isn't all that flattering.

4. Don't do a V cut. :couch: I know many here like them, but I think they look sloppy. Your blunt ends are beautiful. If you need a change, do a gentle U shape. (Now, if you do get a V, don't feel bad. Others here will think it looks terrific, and I'll be truly happy if you are happy with your hair.)

___________________

Now, everyone else just leave me alone. She asked for opinions.

[yellowchariot]

I thought about something last night that really might help me out! :D

I *think* I'm going to get my hair cut into a V shape after Thanksgiving. I'll have the longest length reach my waist. That way I won't spend years trying to salvage the thinner front part of my hair which doesn't look as good, I'll get some weight and damage taken off, and I will also get to try something pretty new.

The only problem is I need some references pictures to bring the the hairdresser (and so I can decide how prominent of a V I want and how short the sides will be) but I can't find many v-cut pictures so I can decide. This is for a whole different thread I think though.

Thanks for more of your replies, they really have been helping me out!

Hey Aerith,

In regards to your "V" shaped cut, that you were referring to, I found a pic you might find useful. . . idk though, but here is my $.02!

This is one of the awesome-est V's I've seen. . . The woman is Anastacia (the singer)

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00004RD5W.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

I hope this helps :shrug:

[nougat]

Sounds like you're thinking of a good compromise.

Personally, I like Us better than Vs, but a good V can be nice too. I would definitely encourage you to cut it yourself--it's free, it's extremely easy, and YOU know exactly what you want. If you're worried about it looking messy, you can always get a friend or family member to tidy up any scragglers for you afterward.

I've been happily cutting my own hair for years, and I know there are a ton of other LHCers who cut their own as well.

[Aerith]

Hey Aerith,

In regards to your "V" shaped cut, that you were referring to, I found a pic you might find useful. . . idk though, but here is my $.02!

This is one of the awesome-est V's I've seen. . . The woman is Anastacia (the singer)

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00004RD5W.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

I hope this helps :shrug:

Thank you. That is an excellent V-cut example. :D

I really appreciate everyone's help! You are all so great. I'm still thinking of getting a V, or even a U. I don't trust cutting it myself though, lol. :o

[jojo]

Woot, really!? I didn't think that was an option anywhere! I'll definitively consider that because I don't have any friends that feel comfortable helping me out with this (most are short hairs).

I wonder how I'd ask for one at a salon, lol. I'd probably confuse them and end up getting really short layers. :eek:
In the past when my hair was long before, I asked a hairdresser about how to get rid of them without losing the length (way before finding LHC) and they did this for me, took like 5 hours and cost only a few quid, but my hair looked a lot better after.

[Aerith]

In the past when my hair was long before, I asked a hairdresser about how to get rid of them without losing the length (way before finding LHC) and they did this for me, took like 5 hours and cost only a few quid, but my hair looked a lot better after.

That is great to know, thanks a lot. :)

[Pear Martini]

From your story and your pictures, if I were you I would chop it to APL.

[Cherry_Sprinkle]

I'm growing out a lot of damage.. I took a trip to a stylist who literally fried my hair (see page 2 of my hair album).. I've been cutting off splits, getting trims, and taking really good care of my hair and I have managed to grow from SL/APL length to waist in my time here even with all the trims... now most (if not all) my damage is gone and I am working on growing out the layers.. if you want my advice.. here's what I would do in your shoes..

1.) Get a small trim. Even the littlest bit can make a large difference in the look and feel of your hair.

2.) Protect it. Wear it up as much as possible with some oils, do some SMT's.

3.) Before making any big changes, especially chops, think it over long and hard. I was really tempted to cut ALL my damage off and start over but now I am glad that I didn't because I was able to get length all the while trimming.

I don't have advice about the V-cut because they look fantastic on some people but would look HORRID on me. My hair is fine and thin and my layers make the ends of my hair look very, very thin while the thickest part of my hair is about BSL. I've noticed that the length gets more damage because there just isn't enough hair there to protect the strands so if you have hair anything like mine, I'd think about it before you cut..

my hair (because its wavy) will clump together giving me a V shape when it's actually cut in very blunt layers.. its a HUGE pet peeve of mine because it makes the ends look super, super thin.