Trying Very Hard to Return to Healthy Hair

[Dresses & Tresses]

Hello! I have been messing around with my hair for about three years now. It all started when my DH told me that he wanted me to cut a lot of my length off because my hair was broken, split and damaged. I did cut about 7 inches off and then the stylist flat ironed my normally 3C hair. My DH and the children went crazy - They have literally never said such kind things about my hair. So from there began my destruction of my hair. I had highlights put into my nearly black hair - and an overall lighter base color, I was flat ironing my hair almost everyday, as well as blowdrying it stick straight at least once a week.

Now my hair is split, dry, and falling out. I need to return to gentle appropriate hair care for 3C spiral curls. I have white hair growing in, but at this time I am terrified to color it.

I am open to any and all suggestions - please help. I have gone from having waist length hair to having almost shoulder length hair and it is very "splitty" at the ends.

Thank you for your time and thoughts ~ D&T

[pinchbeck]

Oh my gosh. I don't know why you decided to to all that stuff to your hair when you took your initial 7" off!

Most will advise you to cut off the damaged ends and start of fresh. However, if your ends are miles long (not likely!) than you many want to eliminate damage in stages in order to keep length. Furthermore, start an oiling routine if you haven't already and allow your hair to be what it was supposed to be. Spiral curls? Wow. Donate your flat iron so you will never use it again.

[Lamb]

Stop heat styling (irons, blowdrier), take a look at naturallycurly.com, read the articles here.
I'd suggest that you get a 1-2" trim first to get rid of the damage. Then change your routine to a kinder, more moisturizing one. More conditioner, less or no heat, wide tooth combs instead of brushes etc.

Straightened hair looks nice - for the day. Do it again and again and your hair will be damaged irreparably. Even though your family likes your straightened hair, you can't straighten it every day and keep it healthy too.

[georgia_peach]

Great advice already given on caring for your hair gently. I just wanted to add that I hope you don't beat yourself up for damaging your hair in the past. The praise and complements of family and friends is a very seductive thing and not easily ignored. I totally understand wanting to please them. But now you see you want to take care of your hair and so you should! Give it lots of TLC and appreciate your natural hair. I'm sure you will get back to your former glory and maybe even your family will start to appreciate it's beauty, as well. Good Luck!

[Dresses & Tresses]

Thank you all for the thoughts and the suggestions! Even my family has seen the error of what I was doing to achieve the straight highlighted blond look, as my hair is now falling out at an alarming rate.

I am using the "no-poo" washing system once a week and letting my curls dry in the air with nothing on them at all. I am hoping that I can find out information about what oils or gels would be safe to use just to control the frizz.

Thanks again! D&T

[RancheroTheBee]

Thank you all for the thoughts and the suggestions! Even my family has seen the error of what I was doing to achieve the straight highlighted blond look, as my hair is now falling out at an alarming rate.

I am using the "no-poo" washing system once a week and letting my curls dry in the air with nothing on them at all. I am hoping that I can find out information about what oils or gels would be safe to use just to control the frizz.

Thanks again! D&T


You can try coconut, jojoba for a moisturizing leave-in, and aloe gel (the real kind) makes a good styling gel, from what I understand (but I just prefer leave-ins)

Is your hair actually falling out, or is breaking at the roots? It's an important distinction to make. Analyze any hair fall and see if there's a small bulb attached to the end.

Are you using CO or WO (conditioner only or water only?) Some people do report more shedding on CO.

[amaiaisabella]

I would suggest that if you are worried about frizz, continue to follow your no-poo method (I'm guessing you CO?), put on a nice moisturizing leave-in, and use a diffuser to keep the curls together and reduce frizz.

I'm sorry your family didn't like your natural hair, but hopefully with loving care and the fact that YOU like it, they will grow to as well :flower:

[hanne jensen]

Dresses&Tresses: The best advice I can give you is to read Nightshade's article on growing out damaged hair. It says it all. (Thanks Nightshade!)

[MsBubbles]

I'm sorry your family didn't like your natural hair,

I was thinking this same thing, amaiaisabella, but then I started thinking of occasions where other people made nice comments when I wore my hair differently. I would take it to mean they didn't like my normal hair. But I have to tell myself that might not be the case, and they're probably just enjoying seeing something different.

Of course there was the one guy who told me after a recent round of 'MOM' bob-n-highlights a few years ago, that my hair looked 'better'! Argh!

My Mother raised me to believe my straight, fine hair was horrible and useless, so Dresses & Tresses, I spent a good 20 years perming my poor hair. LHC is a great place for learning how to make the most of whatever hair genes we've been given :). I'd say definitely no blow-frying, straightening or coloring at all and you'll start seeing your own hair in all its wonderfully curly glory once again.

[amaiaisabella]

See, my family is on the opposite end- they love my natural color, and like it long (except my grandma who likes it around chin-length), but me, I love to dye and henna, and cut it various lengths. But they never said any disparaging comments to me, more like "oh, you look quite lovely!" when I had it their way. I can't tell whether the OP's family directly said any comments to her, or only lavished compliments once she changed her hair. To me, there's a big difference, and I hope it's the latter. I also hope the compliments will continue once she's begun pampering her hair :)

[MsBubbles]

See, my family is on the opposite end- they love my natural color, and like it long (except my grandma who likes it around chin-length), but me, I love to dye and henna, and cut it various lengths. But they never said any disparaging comments to me, more like "oh, you look quite lovely!" when I had it their way. I can't tell whether the OP's family directly said any comments to her, or only lavished compliments once she changed her hair. To me, there's a big difference, and I hope it's the latter. I also hope the compliments will continue once she's begun pampering her hair :)

Me too! I didn't know either, which was why I regurgitated my whole thought-process here, which may have been off on a tangent (sorry). I guess I was ruminating on how I do or don't receive other people's comments. Your family sounds so nice, btw! :)

[Nightshade]

Dresses&Tresses: The best advice I can give you is to read Nightshade's article on growing out damaged hair. It says it all. (Thanks Nightshade!)

You're so welcome :) I'm glad you found it helpful!

(Link is in my siggy for people that don't want to go digging for it!)

[amaiaisabella]

Me too! I didn't know either, which was why I regurgitated my whole thought-process here, which may have been off on a tangent (sorry). I guess I was ruminating on how I do or don't receive other people's comments. Your family sounds so nice, btw! :)

They can be! :) They may not always like my style but they do support me either way.

[kmangus]

I would reccomend throwing away all heat appliances....i know it sounds ridiculous....but if they sit in the closet they will taunt you. Then you should check out naturallycurly.com just as Lamb had suggested. Oh and this might seem totally rash...but there are people on TLHC that have buzz cut their hair to start over.....obviously its a matter of opinion...but it is an option :)

[Dresses & Tresses]

Unfortunately - my family does not like the look of my natural hair at all. Please understand me - I love these people and they love me - they just all have straight glorious black hair, and I don't.

I am using Jessie Curl Conditioner to CO and I am not using any heat appliances at all - just washing with the JC and then letting it air dry. My curls look pretty good that way but I am interested in controlling the frizz.

Also, i was thinking that if I used more hair toys that I could create more up dos that might be pleasing to my face.

I am so thankful for these forums and for all of the input that I have received! I cannot express to you all how much this means to me.

I am going to try and get a decent picture of my hair - D&T

[prittykitty]

I have naturally curly hair and as you can see in my avatar picture, it is smoothed out with a straightening iron. I also love it when my hair is that nice and smooth, plus it brings out the real length. Still, I was damaging my hair and it was breaking off due to past chemical abuse and too much heat styling. I finally had to quit with the heat styling and start taking better care of it. I now use oils and good conditioners to undo the damage that I did so that it will grow. Do I like my curls? No! Do I want my hair to grow? Yes! I had to choose between straight damaged shorter hair or longer curly healthy hair. I chose to just go curly and learn to live with it.

[prittykitty]

Unfortunately - my family does not like the look of my natural hair at all. Please understand me - I love these people and they love me - they just all have straight glorious black hair, and I don't.

I am using Jessie Curl Conditioner to CO and I am not using any heat appliances at all - just washing with the JC and then letting it air dry. My curls look pretty good that way but I am interested in controlling the frizz.

Also, i was thinking that if I used more hair toys that I could create more up dos that might be pleasing to my face.

I am so thankful for these forums and for all of the input that I have received! I cannot express to you all how much this means to me.

I am going to try and get a decent picture of my hair - D&T

Buy a straight, long wig. It will make them happy and at the same time you can still grow your hair.

[amaiaisabella]

Good luck, and again I would recommend a diffuser :) I hope your family learns to accept your hair :flower:

[Anje]

Working some kind of gel through your hair while it's still wet might make a difference in the frizz for you. 100% Aloe gel is a favorite around here because it tends to be moisturizing as well as giving a bit of hold, and a combination of aloe and oil will probably kill the frizz and nourish the curls even more. Otherwise, alcohol-free gels in general will help your curls stay clumped without drying your hair.

Braiding or bunning your hair when wet might help straighten it a bit, if you just want to loosen the curl for a little while. Damp buns also help increase the moisture in hair, which you probably want.

[Fiferstone]

Unfortunately - my family does not like the look of my natural hair at all. Please understand me - I love these people and they love me - they just all have straight glorious black hair, and I don't.

...but your hair is on your head, isn't it? :flower:

You've got to do what works for you, and having damaged, destroyed hair doesn't work for you.

I second the "straight silky black wig" suggestion.