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Neon Gloss
April 22nd, 2008, 05:58 PM
DISCUSS: Do you have pity for some other people's hair, or do you not feel sorry for them, since you believe that your hair is superior to theirs in some sort of way? And don't forget about self-pity.. Because we make silly mistakes with our hair too. :(

For me, it goes both ways. It upsets me when my stepsister makes me help her straighten her bleached hair (!!!!!!!), or when someone cuts their hair shorter than mine...

...but I also feel great that I don't straighten andbleach my hair to no end, and that my hair is longer than whoever may have cut their hair--well, it makes me feel like my hair had a growth spurt!! :P It's always a nice feel-good boost for you and your hair.

I'll admit that it CAN be a strange and horrible way to feel, but don't get me wrong, I preach to those who I pity. Sometimes they just want to willingly damage their hair, or cut off what other people may envy... and you just can't stop them.

I also feel bad for my own hair, since you can tell that the curls on individual strands have been flat ironed in the past. But I also feel great that the new growth won't have such an appearance! ;)

Loviatar
April 22nd, 2008, 06:04 PM
I only feel pity when I see a lot of splits on someone else's hair. Just because it looks so damaged.

I dont feel pity when I see anyone with a style that looks like it takes a lot of daily maintenance (e.g. choppy shaggy cut or flicky bob) or heavily bleached/frosted/colored hair, or girls who use flat irons, or shaved sides, or anything like that. It's their hair and they are entitled to do what they like to it, whether it's healthy or otherwise.

My hair is my hair. It is not superior to anyone else's, even if someone else fries the heck out of theirs on a daily basis. It may look nicer or break less, but it doesn't make me feel superior.

Self pity on the other hand, I can get. :lol: Why did I think that shampoo was a good idea! Oh no! What possessed me to try cones again! Woe is me, I should never have used that molasses mix! Stuff like that.

Loviatar
April 22nd, 2008, 06:07 PM
ETA, to clarify (sorry I can't edit my own post, it won't let me)

The first sentence in my above post: I mean I feel pity for the hair itself being damaged. Not pity for the actual person who has the damaged hair. I hope that makes sense. I don't sit there and think 'oh that poor person can't look after her hair properly'. I do think 'I bet that would look so much nicer if those splits weren't there'. You know?

Thanks for letting me clarify that.

akurah
April 22nd, 2008, 06:07 PM
I mind my own business when it comes to others' hair, and that includes restraining myself from forming a negative opinion when I can help it. Obviously, it's hard to not form an opinion, but when I do, I keep them to myself.

If they WANT to know X, Y, or Z about haircare, and IF they ask me, I might share information that I know or even opinions. Otherwise I keep my mouth shut. Like I said before, it's none of my business. Their hair is their hair, and they're going to do what they want regardless of what I say or suggest, so I don't waste my breath or even thoughts (the latter being when I can help it).

I also don't really pity anyone's hair, or feel my hair is superior. It's hair. At most, I might think, "My hairtoy is cooler than hers!" or "My hairstyle is cooler than that ponytail."

Kirin
April 22nd, 2008, 06:08 PM
right now i'm feelin that good ol' self pity lol. Henna'd yesterday, and added my usual midnight blue manic panic to cool down the orange-ness on my greys....... i wasnt paying attention and i guess i put waaaaaaaaaaaay too much in.......

I have some green ends, go figure........ wash..... SMT soak, wash.......... its slowly coming out.

mommy101405
April 22nd, 2008, 06:08 PM
I feel pity for my hair when I see all the beautiful hair on here. :(

Shanarana
April 22nd, 2008, 06:09 PM
I don't have pity for anyone's hair, except perhaps for those who lose it as a result of cancer or some other sickness that is beyond their control, and it's not really pity, my heart just goes out to them because I know it's not what they want.

feralnature
April 22nd, 2008, 06:12 PM
I never feel superior. But I do feel badly for people who have really damaged hair, for instance bleached blonde fried hair and don't even realize how bad it looks. Especially when the sunlight hits it and you wish you could look away...."My eyes, they're burning...make it stop!!!"

Feisty Redhead
April 22nd, 2008, 06:22 PM
My soon-to-be-SIL has AMAZING naturally curly hair... that she flat irons on a daily basis. I've seen her hair curly twice when I've spent the night for weekend visits and I am so envious of her curls that she hates. I always feel so bad for the pretty curls I wish I could have...

Sillage
April 22nd, 2008, 07:06 PM
I never feel pity, only contempt. :p

For me judging appearance is not the same thing as judging by appearance. Just because I think someone's hair is hideous doesn't mean that I'm going to assume that they agree with me and should have feelings of shame/sadness/frustration. Maybe it's the look that person wants. :shrug:

ETA: so that means I'm not really pitying anyone.

DecafJane
April 22nd, 2008, 07:20 PM
I feel a little sad when all of the young ladies I go to uni with are gradually cutting their hair shorter (being in their early 20s), but I think that it is something that they have every right to go through - I went through it too, and then some, so I can hardly criticise. :) It has made me love long hair even more, and I get to rejoice at things that they take for granted. When I see how long my ponytail is getting, I do a little dance inside. None of them get that excited when they pull their hair up, but they might when they get to the point I am at. ;)

spidermom
April 22nd, 2008, 07:28 PM
Sometimes I feel sorry for myself because no matter how hard I try or how careful I am - more splits! It's like my hair constantly giving me the raspberry. Thanks a lot!

As for other people's hair - the worse it looks, the better I feel. I know mine looks good in comparison. (how sick is that?)

physicschick
April 22nd, 2008, 07:41 PM
I feel pity for people who are jealous of my thick hair. :( Thick hair isn't all that great, but some people think it is, so I am sorry that they're unhappy with their own hair.

Shanarana
April 22nd, 2008, 07:43 PM
I feel pity for people who are jealous of my thick hair. :( Thick hair isn't all that great, but some people think it is, so I am sorry that they're unhappy with their own hair.

Well I guess you have pity for me.....:run:

BlackfootHair
April 22nd, 2008, 07:51 PM
As for other people's hair - the worse it looks, the better I feel. I know mine looks good in comparison. (how sick is that?)

Actually, I don't think it's sick at all...What would be sick is if you went around telling people how much their hair sucked...

When my hair was healthy and nice I felt like my hair was superior to less healthy and nice hair...Not that I thought I was superior to them as a person though.

I think when you take care of your hair and put in time and effort, it's okay to brag inside to yourself about how good it looks/feels. Even if it is in comparison to Jane Doe's hair.

A lady came into work today, an older lady...she was perhaps in her 60's...she had hair almost to her waist, blunt ends,dyed dark...but it was still pretty. I told her that too.

I also seen a lady's driver's license (she was paying with a credit card) and it almost looked like her daughter in the picture because her hair was to her shoulders...but now she had it cut really really short...you know...the "old lady" haircut?? I held my tongue.....But I really wanted to tell her she looked fantastic in her other picture...with her natural grey curly hair longer...OH she looked marvelous!!

lora410
April 22nd, 2008, 07:58 PM
I feel bad for people who's hair i see is dried and fried to no end.My moms used to be really frizzy,bleached, fried, broke and tapered, but now she is more gentle and it look tons better. I also felt bad for a lady I saw today who had fairtaling from apl to bsl I can't imagine how frustrating that would be for people who didn't want fairytale, or tapering ends. It was also very dry and looked very unhealthy. So yeah I do but I am sure my hair looked just as bad in the past so I try not to be to critical of others hair.

spidermom
April 22nd, 2008, 08:01 PM
Actually, I don't think it's sick at all...What would be sick is if you went around telling people how much their hair sucked...

When my hair was healthy and nice I felt like my hair was superior to less healthy and nice hair...Not that I thought I was superior to them as a person though.


That's me; I would never tell somebody their hair sucks. All the gloating takes place deep inside my mind. It's a secret to all but you folks. I just sometimes feel so proud of how my hair is coming along (if it weren't for the fact that I can ALWAYS find more splits).

DecafJane
April 22nd, 2008, 09:04 PM
As for other people's hair - the worse it looks, the better I feel. I know mine looks good in comparison. (how sick is that?)

:D:D That is funny! I feel good when I see somebody who now has shorter hair than me (particularly in the media or ads, for some reason) - probably a similar thing. ;)

artemisjade
April 22nd, 2008, 09:10 PM
I feel self-pity for my hairs that are being replaced with greys. O_o

PhillyGirl1978@
April 22nd, 2008, 09:26 PM
I definitely pity people's hair, mostly people that do really bad stuff to their hair. Like there is a cashier at the market who pulls her hair so tight it has receded to almost halfway back her scalp. Also there are quite a few women where I work who relax and/or wear weaves...all the time, so much so that I think it is pulling on their real hair and suffocating it. Then I always get the talk from these women about how I have "good hair" when it's just that I know how to take care of it. But they never listen to me when I tell them how to take care of it.

Neon Gloss
April 22nd, 2008, 09:26 PM
I feel pity for my hair when I see all the beautiful hair on here. :(

Same here! But then I realize that my hair isn't half bad after all.. It could be so much worse.

Nat242
April 22nd, 2008, 09:36 PM
No, I don't pity the hair of others...although I did feel sorry for my friend (1a, F/M, i/ii, shoulder length) who went to the hair salon a couple of weeks ago and was very disappointed with how short her hair was cut. She's now trying to grow it. She calls my hair "a mane", and is a little envious of it, in a nice way, but I still don't pity her, because I know her own hair is beautiful and will be beautiful when it grows.

My sisters have long (MBL), heavily layered, coloured and straightened hair, that they treat like denim, but no pity. They're happy with their hair, more or less. Whatever makes them happy :shrug:

-- Natalie

Dianyla
April 22nd, 2008, 10:03 PM
I don't pity people who have thoroughly destroyed their own hair. They either don't know better, or perhaps they do it on purpose and they like the visual effect. That's their business. :uhh:

I don't pity people for having different hair type, color, texture, etc. Variety is what makes everything interesting. It's hard to feel comfortable when people may envy the kind of hair that my genes happened to give me, and feel bad or negative about their own genetic fortune. I'd like to think everything balances out in the end, but... :shrug:

I do pity people who have medical conditions or who have gotten the a very very short end of the genetic stick in some way. Alopecia, hormonal disorders, etc. That just sucks. :shake:

missy60
April 22nd, 2008, 10:19 PM
Sometimes I feel sorry for myself because no matter how hard I try or how careful I am - more splits! It's like my hair constantly giving me the raspberry. Thanks a lot!

As for other people's hair - the worse it looks, the better I feel. I know mine looks good in comparison. (how sick is that?)

OMG that just made me laugh so hard its so me, but Im worse. Any time one of my friends talk about cutting their hair I speak up real fast and say yes I would if I was you. They laugh they know I want my hair to be longer then theirs. They both have longer hair then mine which isnt that hard to have.

Morag
April 22nd, 2008, 10:37 PM
I don't feel pity for other people about their hair, unless they're losing it and don't want to. That's sad.

I realize that my coworker's hair is bleached, dried, and fluffed to within an inch of its life, and that all this is done for her by a hairdresser at quite a high price. But I don't pity my coworker - she's a smart, amazing woman, and she enjoys the look. It's sort of a Blonde Bombshell thing, and it fits her personality very well. I can't imagine her any other way.

I enjoy doing something different. She never suggests that I change what I am doing with my own hair. She is often very complimentary about a french braid or something new I've done, but that doesn't mean she should do it, too.

Hair is a great artistic medium - people make all kinds of personal statements with it.

I didn't pity my acquaintance in California who wore hers in a high, bright royal blue Mohawk crest (with occasional feathers), either. I thought it was awesome.

:)

amaiaisabella
April 22nd, 2008, 10:57 PM
There's a few people I know that I would love to grab and introduce to some conditioner! Their hair is dry, puffy, and full of splits! Ouch!

So I do feel better compared to them but on here my hair looks so short and kinda puffy... I know that when it gets long it will "flatten out" but that is a so very long time :(

Lixie
April 22nd, 2008, 11:42 PM
Nope. I won't waste my time pitying somebody for their hair, because they probably couldn't care less. People have different aesthetic preferances. If they wanted hair like mine (long, relatively healthy), they would probably already have it. :shrug:

Melisande
April 23rd, 2008, 01:07 AM
I don't pity people, either. They probably pity me for my unfashionable appearance! I think it's their right to express their idea of beauty with their hair, just as I do.

I do feel pity for hair whose owners don't understand its needs, hair that is obviously suffering from too much of a good thing. But it's an abstract pity. And then I remind myself that I used to perm and use chemical dye, too, without understanding how bad it was for my hair.

Self pity is another thing, yes, I do pity myself and my poor hair sometimes. But then, I pity my hips, stomach, my crooked toes and bulky neck, too, poor things! ;-)

EbonyCurls
April 23rd, 2008, 01:12 AM
I only feel pity if it's something they can't help really: texture, thinning, balding.

I feel confusion if it's something they can help but choose not to: color, health, style, cut.

I never feel "superiority". The closest feeling I feel to superiority is thinking that I'm lucky I don't have whatever problem they may have (if it fits the first description) and am grateful, despite sometimes thinking I have it bad, that it's my hair on top of my head.

Riot Crrl
April 23rd, 2008, 01:18 AM
Pity is a strong word. I don't pity anyone's hair. There are people's hair that I see and I would like to take care of, though.

Aronomy
April 23rd, 2008, 01:27 AM
I'm just as bad, I tell people I would totally go for a big chop if they're thinking about it too. Wow, I'm terrible ;). I want to have the longest hair among my friends.

savi
April 23rd, 2008, 01:58 AM
So true Riot Crrl , sometimes when I see a really dry head of hair I just want to pamper it back to health. Otherwise I don't care. They've made their desicions based on what they want so.. :shrug:

tiny_teesha
April 23rd, 2008, 02:22 AM
When i see fried hair i feel sorry for the person, i think, they obviously feel so bad about themselves that they feel the more work they do to their hair the prettier they look...and i think it is sad because they are going backwards (well that was my hair journey as i ruined my hair so i assume that is what everyone else is going through even though its probably not)
I feel sorry for my sisters hair when she straightens it- because she makes it striaght so it looks longer...which only makes it break off and stop growing longer because of that....
I keep telling her, just leave it alone and then it WILL get longer and likely drag out the curl and you won't have to straighten it any more! But she doesnt listen- she is going backward- achieving the opposite of what she wants to achieve- so then i feel pitty for her.

willowcandra
April 23rd, 2008, 03:18 AM
I don't think I feel pity. They are just doing what they want to do. If someone was to ask me how they could improve their hair condition then I would share but most people are quite happily chemically treating etc. Sometimes I think that someone would look pretty with long natural hair but honestly? I quite like short skilful cuts and I like the way people play with colours. (I'm just glad it's not my hair)

I do pity my own hair from about bsl down where it's all different lengths where its dyed and damaged and where it gets thinner and thinner, some of that's my fault but some is hormonal.

The only person who ever made me go :eek: was how my mum used to rip the brush through her hair and you would see little pieces of three or less inch hairs breaking of the ends and flying around. eeeek

ilovelonghair
April 23rd, 2008, 04:19 AM
I don't think I should call it pitying, but I do think it's a shame when people have bleached, fried and weirdly cut hair (I mean the style where they have cut the hair in thin bits and straggly ends)

darl_in1
April 23rd, 2008, 04:22 AM
For me, it goes both ways. It upsets me when my stepsister makes me help her straighten her bleached hair (!!!!!!!), or when someone cuts their hair shorter than mine...

I'll admit that it CAN be a strange and horrible way to feel, but don't get me wrong, I preach to those who I pity. Sometimes they just want to willingly damage their hair, or cut off what other people may envy... and you just can't stop them.



Why be upset by other people's choices for themselves, or want to stop them?

I'm a prime example of doing what makes you happy. Around last September my hair was approx. an inch off of being classic.....I went an had it cut back to bsl....then shoulders and that's just about where it is now. Haven't regretted it for a second - not even once. I LOVE it.

In fact I have an appointment booked with a very swishy salon in Central London for next week and I'm going to have it coloured (3 colour highlights) and cut again. I can't wait. ("Yey" said the excited child...:cheese:)

I am kind of going through a 'hair second childhood' and I'm really having fun with my hair for the first time in years. I can still appreciate the joy others, like the members here, get from their long hair, after all, I felt the same about mine for several years, but it just wasn't for me anymore.....at first I felt kind of wary about cutting it (and being an LHC outcast!) but in the end, I chose to be true to myself.....it's for me that I do it after all - and if there's one thing that the LHC understands, it's to be yourself rather than compromising in order to seek approval from others (We're not here to decorate anyone else's world right?).

I don't feel upset or sorry for anyone who chooses to grow there hair long - so why feel upset for me?

Anlbe
April 23rd, 2008, 04:25 AM
I feel sorry for my mother. Her hair never grew up and she still has extremely soft, extremely thin hair that grows at a snails pace (but has about 6 greys at 60+). She compensates by loving my hair which doesn't suffer from any of those problems and scheduled to go white in my mid to late thirties (I can't wait!)

Pegasus Marsters
April 23rd, 2008, 05:13 AM
When i see fried hair i feel sorry for the person, i think, they obviously feel so bad about themselves that they feel the more work they do to their hair the prettier they look...and i think it is sad because they are going backwards (well that was my hair journey as i ruined my hair so i assume that is what everyone else is going through even though its probably not)



I'm sorry but that is a huge assumption you made just there. According to what you're saying people who straighten, dye or otherwise "fry" thier hair suffer low self esteem.

Did you ever think that maybe the people with bleached flatironed hair really just LIKE how it looks?

Not everyone wants long natural hair and there is nothing to say that long natural hair is in some way superior to short dyed flat ironed hair. Each to thier own!

Thank you for your clear concern about my obvious low self esteem based on my hair choices but I'd rather you just got off your high horse and realised we're not all aiming for the same aesthetics. If we were the world would be a bit boring with mindless automatons walking around everywhere.

Sarahmoon
April 23rd, 2008, 08:29 AM
I wouldn't say my hair is superior, but yes I sometimes feel pity for other people's hair.

My bf's sister for example. She has red curly hair and it would be sooo pretty if she would grow it a bit longer and take good care of it. But I think, because her mom has straight hair, she never learned how to take care of curly hair and got kind of talked into the "your hair is too frizzy/tangly/hard to take care of" idea. Well, she works in a swimming pool so it might be hard to take care of now and she doesn't seem interested it all in letting it grow, so I'm not going to bother her with unasked for advice.

I also pity the bleached to death hair of some girls that work at the local supermarket. Especially one girl... I don't know what she did, but her roots are very light blonde, then it looks like she tried to achieve a darker shade of blonde for the rest of her hair (the result is a strange shade of yellow) and the ends are very light blonde again.

Lixie
April 23rd, 2008, 08:41 AM
I understand that most of us here are not keen on the use of chemical dye, straightening irons, etc. but do we honestly need to pity those who don't care for their hair in the same way we do? There are a fair few LHCers who do chemical dye and straighten. There are also those who are growing out damage. I'm a little confused; are we supposed to pity them too?

To many people, hair isn't that important. I think most that do chemicallye dye/whatever would feel vaguely insulted if they discovered people were pitying them for something that they may in fact like. I think sometimes we get a little too wrapped up in our own hairy world, and forget that other people don't quite have the same aesthetic preferances as us, or even value their hair so much.

And remember, they're not here to decorate our world either. :wink:

zelah
April 23rd, 2008, 05:08 PM
I guess I feel a bit of pity for people who want their hair to look great, but continue doing things to it that mess it up!

There's a girl at work like this. Her hair is forever dry, but she continues to blowfry and hairspray it. It looks like a bird's nest. I'd given her some suggestions (she had asked, I don't just go about giving my opinions to people!) which she followed for a day or two.. and then stopped.

Oh well what can ya do? :shrug:

Mishka_84
April 23rd, 2008, 05:53 PM
For the most part I don't pity anyone's hair (except my own!).

I do pity people's hair when they have problems they can't fix, like my friend who's hair thinned out in her 20's, and she can't control that, but hates how it looks now. She's tried almost everything she can to get it to thicken, but it won't. My own hair I pity, for similar reasons (I lost alot of hair on "the shot"), and am trying to get it to thicken back to my old hair.

But people who like their hair, no matter the condition? Or who don't like their hair but do bad things to it knowingly? No, they don't need my pity.

zelah
April 23rd, 2008, 06:43 PM
But people who like their hair, no matter the condition? Or who don't like their hair but do bad things to it knowingly? No, they don't need my pity.

Oh I love how you put that! :D

Sarahmoon
April 25th, 2008, 07:33 AM
And remember, they're not here to decorate our world either.
What makes you think we think they are? It's not like we overthrow them with advice they didn't ask for or stalk them and try to convert them all the time into taking better care of their hair.

I don't believe there are people who never think (and I really mean think, not actually tell them) "this or that person would look/feel better if..." Ofcourse I know they probably don't care, or they would try to make things better like we do.

I know there are probably dozens of people who think I would look better if I would wear make-up or fake tan or cut bangs in my hair, or I would feel better if I would exercise more and eat more healthy. They are probably right and may think so as much as they like. As long as they don't bother me with unwanted advice I don't care.
I'm not bothered with make-up or more exercise. I can understand other people are not bothered with hair. But I am still free to think someone's hair would look nicer if....

Unofficial_Rose
April 25th, 2008, 08:26 AM
:D:D That is funny! I feel good when I see somebody who now has shorter hair than me (particularly in the media or ads, for some reason) - probably a similar thing. ;)

Me too! Especially as mine's shoulder-length now when everyone else seems to got themselves a bob/shorter do - reverse of last year when I had to have a bob to grow out a pixie and the fashion was still for long, which made me feel even worse. Yay! I have kept quiet about this, obnoviously... :happydance:(except to you all on here)

Lixie
April 25th, 2008, 08:30 AM
What makes you think we think they are?

I didn't say you did, hence the :wink: smiley.

We've had plenty of threads here where members express their dipleasure at a friend or stranger criticizing their hair. We've had cases where members have been told that really, their hairstyle is not doing them any favours and that they should cut it. We all expressed our anger that people could be so rude.

Pitying people for their chemically altered hair is really quite similar, isn't it?

I see my post came directly after yours. Please don't think I was replying directly to you, I was posting about the general feel of the thread.

Sarahmoon
April 25th, 2008, 08:39 AM
Sorry Lixie, kind of missed the ;) smiley :oops:

I agree, if I would actually tell someone their hair looks bad without them asking for my opinion, it would be very rude. However I don't tell them, I just think. In my opinion that's not the same as someone telling you in your face your hair looks bad.

Unofficial_Rose
April 25th, 2008, 08:39 AM
I feel a bit sorry for all the times over the last 30years when I bleached, blow-dried and flat-ironed my hair. Then again, I absolutely loved being blonde at the time, it made me feel amazing, even though it was rarely past my shoulders.

I like being a little darker now though, and not heat-styling so much, so I guess the condition's better.

Morag
April 26th, 2008, 11:18 AM
I feel self-pity for my hairs that are being replaced with greys. O_o

Oh, artemisjade, go and look at Raederle's photos! Her hair is so beautiful that it made me want MORE greys! Honest! :agree:

Morag
April 26th, 2008, 11:26 AM
Any time one of my friends talk about cutting their hair I speak up real fast and say yes I would if I was you. They laugh they know I want my hair to be longer then theirs. They both have longer hair then mine which isnt that hard to have.

Missy, that's too funny!

Almost none of my friends have long hair, so they mostly think mine is long at right about collar bone length. Ha ha! They don't know about everybody here, and I don't think I'll tell them, either!
:D

LisaJaney
April 26th, 2008, 11:59 AM
Mod-hat ON although slightly askew:



When i see fried hair i feel sorry for the person, i think, they obviously feel so bad about themselves that they feel the more work they do to their hair the prettier they look...and i think it is sad because they are going backwards (well that was my hair journey as i ruined my hair so i assume that is what everyone else is going through even though its probably not)
I'm sorry but that is a huge assumption you made just there. According to what you're saying people who straighten, dye or otherwise "fry" thier hair suffer low self esteem.

Did you ever think that maybe the people with bleached flatironed hair really just LIKE how it looks?

Not everyone wants long natural hair and there is nothing to say that long natural hair is in some way superior to short dyed flat ironed hair. Each to thier own!

Thank you for your clear concern about my obvious low self esteem based on my hair choices but I'd rather you just got off your high horse and realised we're not all aiming for the same aesthetics. If we were the world would be a bit boring with mindless automatons walking around everywhere.

OK, Ladies... Two quick things, and nobody's in trouble, I just wanted to point something out:
Teesha: while I appreciate your attempt to soften your words with "that was MY hair journey and I assume others are the same", it doesn't soften the part where you say "obviously they have such low self-esteem" enough, because there's hidden in that "obvious" the veiled assumption that only the very dimwitted would fail to see it, and that anyone who processes/cuts their hair could be categorized as "fails to see the obvious". Does that make sense? That is probably part of what got Pegs riled. Not that I'm sticking up for the way she said what she said, and I'll get to that next. Just that I can see why she got her ire up. Perhaps if you'd have said that you "WONDER if their self-esteem is bad and consequently they work harder and harder to achieve some goal or look, but the condition of the hair just gets farther and farther from that goal the more they process it". I'm not SURE that would have been enough, but it may have helped soften it some.

Pegs (again: nobody's in trouble, I'm just saying....)
I noted that you lambasted her from the start, to some extent, but your last paragraph was particularly knife-twisting. Ironically, you did the same thing she did: y'all didn't leave wiggle-room for anyone to hold a differing opinion without feeling that they're a fool for having done so. I totally hear what you're saying, and I'm FINE with y'all expressing it. But c'mon, gals, SOFTEN things. It's a great word-manipulation exercise. Good for the mind, good for the soul. And good for board-harmony. You guys know how to do it -- you're smart people. Make a game of it. I do it all the time! :silly:

These comments are said to the two ladies I quoted, but that's only because those're the two I've SEEN. If others have also stated things bluntly and potentially-hurtfully, please apply the statements I've made to your own situation and react and post accordingly. It's not THAT hard to soften the words so that they're not injurious to others, while you still are able to say what you think about things. :agree: It just takes a little time and thought, that's all. And then you don't have people PO'd at you. How lovely is that? (it is my day-long goal every day of my life) 1143

Unofficial_Rose
April 26th, 2008, 12:19 PM
I feel the same way about this as I do b00b jobs/plastic surgery.

Her body/hair/whatever - her choice!

It is easy to look and cringe though. I couldn't use straighteners on anyone's hair if they asked me to :scared:

Suldrun
April 26th, 2008, 12:27 PM
well I did nothing with my hair for years no cutting no color. I just didn't care. I ripped though it with a brush etc... I mostly wore a hat and ponytail and honestly could have cared less about my hair I had other things in life I was hyper focused on. At one point in my 20's I decided I wanted a dramatic change and I do not regret it one bit, I loved it.

I got it cut short and I became a blonde. I went through years of changes in fact I was having so much fun that when I found a great hairdressor I went to him regularly and everytime I said do something different. he was wonderful and it always looked great. for me it was like trying on different clothes it was fun for me , I did end up going back to my natural color but more because I didn't want the upkeep. I got a short short pixie to get rid of the blonde and loved that also. I could put on a headband and look so cute in 2 seconds.

Then I got ill and became chemically sensative and cannot use any chemical color, looking back i wish I had tried more crazy fun colors like pink etc...

Now I want to see what my true terminal length is. I can't say that I will have long hair for the rest of my life, I crave change.

Not eveyone wants long hair. thats whats great about the time period and countries we live in now, we have the freedome to choose not everyone who follows trends have low self esteem just like not all people with long, long hair are hippies or christian fundamentalist.

Druid of Alba
April 26th, 2008, 01:12 PM
Kind of...

When I see people who dye, perm, straighten and blowfry like crazy, and have hay-hair as the result, I do feel sorry for them in an odd way, because I know that they could have beautiful hair if they tried, and, moreover, because they are simply slaves of the fashion industry.

However, even if they are just servants of fashion, they do seem pretty happy with their hair, and that is what matters most, is it not?

I don't feel too strongly about their hair though, it just makes me feel happy that I have such nice, healthy hair! :cheese:

AquaViolet1973
April 26th, 2008, 02:47 PM
I understand that most of us here are not keen on the use of chemical dye, straightening irons, etc. but do we honestly need to pity those who don't care for their hair in the same way we do?
I think most that do chemicallye dye/whatever would feel vaguely insulted if they discovered people were pitying them for something that they may in fact like.

And remember, they're not here to decorate our world either. :wink:

I sure hope that nobody pities me for getting a perm. Yes, it is a chemical process, and I know that alot of people here don't like perms. But I DO like them. All that matters is that I like my hair. The fact is that I love my hair now, after my perm. I am happy with it. So I hope nobody pities me for my decision. :blossom:

prosperina
April 26th, 2008, 03:20 PM
I don't feel sorry for the person, after all it's their business. But I do feel sorry for the hair. I realize it's just dead protein, but the first thing that goes through my mind is "poor split ends! I bet they could use some coconut oil!"

ajr
April 26th, 2008, 04:29 PM
Kind of...

When I see people who dye, perm, straighten and blowfry like crazy, and have hay-hair as the result, I do feel sorry for them in an odd way, because I know that they could have beautiful hair if they tried, and, moreover, because they are simply slaves of the fashion industry.

However, even if they are just servants of fashion, they do seem pretty happy with their hair, and that is what matters most, is it not?

I don't feel too strongly about their hair though, it just makes me feel happy that I have such nice, healthy hair! :cheese:

Perhaps these people look at long hairs and think we would look decent if we just chopped away some of that unruly hair. Or maybe they feel bad because we think we look good with long hair when thats obviously not the case. Do you see how ridiculous remarks like this are. Someone who flat irons their hair may or may not be a follower of fashion. Just like a long haired person may or may not be a hippy. Live and let live, to say you feel sorry for someone based on their appearance is incredibly condescending.

blue_nant
April 27th, 2008, 05:18 PM
I guess I went into hair pity at a workshop last year.

This gal was clearly in love with playing with her hair, and it looked brittle, and though dark, it looked like it had a strawlike texture. I sat behind her one day and she plays with it all the time. She really likes to feel it and braids it and unbraids it. And it looked abused.

But maybe the hair is just having a hard life, and maybe it actually looks better than it has before, what do I know?

She seemed to be enjoying her hair, and that's cool. I just wanted to tell her about jojoba. Sigh.

Sillage
April 27th, 2008, 05:34 PM
they are simply slaves of the fashion industry.

However, even if they are just servants of fashion, they do seem pretty happy with their hair, and that is what matters most, is it not?

This slave/servant of the fashion industry thinks people should stop hating. :rolleyes:

jesamyn
April 27th, 2008, 05:46 PM
I do not feel that my hair, long or short, makes me superior to any other person. I don't pity anyone for the state of their hair either. I feel sorry for hair that is fried, but only for a moment when I think 'you poor hair' and go about my business. It has nothing to do with the person. I feel sympathy for those who've lost their hair entirely due to chemo or medical issues, but that has nothing to do with the hair, but rather what they are going through. Sympathy and pity are far different emotions, and should not be confused.

I'm really amazed that hair could make anyone feel superior to another person.

sapphire-o
April 27th, 2008, 06:25 PM
I like hair of all kinds, even damaged ones so I definitely don't feel sorry for people with them. I only get annoyed if they keeping complaining about their hair's condition. Saying oh my hair is breaking off all the time, thinning, feels like straw and unmanagable...etc. If it feels so bad, why do you keep frying it? So far I don't know anybody with virgin hair that fitted the above description, even if they wash and blow-dry everyday.

Tap Dancer
April 28th, 2008, 05:28 AM
I like all kinds of hair colors, textures, and lengths. Natural or not... Who cares? The only time I'll feel a little bad is when I see a woman with hair that's so thin on top, her scalp shows through. No woman should have to deal with that.

I hope no one would pity me because I like my hair a lot. :)

Sarahmoon
April 28th, 2008, 01:34 PM
Another reason why I can feel sorry for them is because it's often also ignorance. A short time ago I saw a young woman looking very surprised when the hair dresser told her she should not let her hair cut with a razor/knife everytime because that would be damaging.
She honestly had no idea... Good for her the hairdresser knew to some extend what she's doing.

florenonite
April 29th, 2008, 05:19 PM
I don't feel pity for people with bleached, flat-ironed hair, etc., because it can look really nice, even if it's not a look I would choose for myself, and if they're happy then I see no reason why I should feel otherwise. That said, if someone has accidentally damaged their hair doing this kind of thing and is upset about it then I do feel a degree of pity that they were unaware of the repurcussions of such things and are now upset that their hair is dry and full of splits. I would also pity someone who loses their hair and clearly doesn't want to. Essentially, I only pity people for their hair if it's something they're upset about. If they're happy with it, even if it's not something I'd choose to do to my hair, I don't see what there is to be pitied.

n3m3sis42
April 29th, 2008, 06:24 PM
Sometimes I feel pity for my own hair. I didn't know much about taking care of it for most of my life, and it shows on the length (although it's getting better as I learn more and more).

Also, it's noticeably thinner than when I was younger, so my latest thing to be neurotic about is, "OMG, what if I'm going bald?"

I very rarely feel pity for other people's hair unless it's falling out in clumps or something. Just because *I* don't like what they've done with it doesn't mean that they don't. And I've done plenty of mean things to my hair when I was younger, but most of the time, I liked the resulting "look" whether other people did or not.

...Oh, except I *do* pity (or empathize with) people who are growing out bangs and obviously in that "mullet phase" I remember how horrible it was when I went through it and I feel bad when I see someone who is clearly dealing with the same thing.

Urchin
April 29th, 2008, 07:49 PM
I pity people who are misinformed about hair "care" products. I see people who have bleached their hair to straw ripping at it with a brush or flat ironing it, saying that a ceramic iron doesn't do any damage. They complain that their hair is naturally fine/tangled/breakable/dry, and are totally unaware of what they are doing to it.

I do feel a teensy bit superior to people who flat iron their hair. 1a for the win!

I feel jealous of people with very thick hair. I finally got all of mine into a ponytail (bangs are still growing out) and it's just barely 4". I feel sad sometimes that I don't have really thick hair, but some people don't even have 4", so I try to remember what I do have.

I'm in a shedding period right now, for whatever reason, and it's making me sad. My diet isn't giving results either, and I kind of quit today. I need to get back on the horse. Milky Ways only comfort you as long as they are in your mouth. Then they make it worse. Likewise, my hair isn't all going to fall out. I'll grow new hairs and it will stay the same thickness at my ponytail base. I need to remember these things.

Also, I grew 1.25 inches this April! Holy crap! No more being emo, this is cause for celebration!

alys
April 29th, 2008, 08:02 PM
I would be very careful with voicing my negative opinions of other people's hair...That's just shaky ground...
BUT- since joining LHC I can say that I notice other people's hair much more now than I ever did. I notice when it's gorgeous, and when it's not so good. Just the other day I was having my quarterly trim, just waiting in the lobby of the salon. This cute blonde girl walked in and purchased a CHI iron...She was the beach blonde physical stereotype - very thin, nice fake boobs, tan, cute clothes, cute bag, everything looked perfect, you know - the kind of girl that's easy to envy if your prone to that sort of thing. Well, whenever I was behind her in line I noticed that her long blonde hair was VERY fried up close. Beatiful blonde straw. Touching it would not have felt good, I think. Anyhow sadly enough it made me feel a little better about my hair. I never look perfect or put together, but dang it at least my hair is not fried, and doesnt look fried either, from far away or up close.

perhaps I have become a hair snob, but I did give her a smile on the way out,

snowbear
April 29th, 2008, 08:18 PM
I feel pity for people who are jealous of my thick hair. :( Thick hair isn't all that great, but some people think it is, so I am sorry that they're unhappy with their own hair.
You took the words right out of my mouth.

I don't feel hair pity, but I do appreciate nice-looking hair. :shrug:

Sarahmoon
May 9th, 2008, 03:37 PM
When bleached, flat ironed hair looks nice, I usually think that person is just a blonde straighty by nature :lol: It's when it looks fried or has different coloured roots that I notice it.