Anyone else have a child...

[TiaKitty]

... with strong opinions about your hair?

I have a 3-year-old daughter who absolutely hates it when I change my style! I usually wear a bun with a pony hanging out the middle, or a braid or two, about 5 out of 7 days.

Today I had the bun with a pony thing going on. It had been up overnight and half the day. I had to take it down just to rest my scalp. She saw me release the clips and she started to whimper and squirm. Maaaa-mmeeee, don't take your hair down. When I undid the knot, full-on tears were flowing.

As I fluffed it out and around, she was doing that fuff-fuff-fuff thing that makes them look so pathetic, sucking her lip in and crying.

My scalp was tingling with thanks for relase from the bun, but the baby-girl was so freaked out, I put it back up! Such a sucker!

My older girl could not care less about my hair or how I look. This one, though...

My favorite, which melts my heart every time, is when she sees me doing my hair and asks to have hers like mine... :p Gets me every time.:crush:

[Chrissy]

My ds loves my hair when it's long. Although at almost 15 he doesn't admit to that as much as he used to. When I did the big chop a while back he freaked out and was sad I cut it. So now that it's growing back he's happy.

[MerryKat]

When my eldest was around 3, I had a fringe cut for the first time in many years and he flat out refused to talk or look at me for days!

[Yayasmurf]

My daughter is very supportive of my long hair. She took a pic with her cell phone so she could show her friends. When I call that pic comes up on her phone... she says it sure is a conversation starter when someone sees it. :)

[Silver & Gold]

Anything that makes mommy look different can be upsetting to a child. I imagine the reason you are having trouble is that she isn't used to seeing your hair down so you don't 'look like mommy' to her.

I remember when I was in grade-school my mother bought a wig and when I came home she was wearing it and pretending it was her new hair style. I smiled and told her it was nice so as not to hurt her feelings because she seemed very excited about it. And truthfully it looked just fine. But what I didn't tell her was that my stomach was in knots and I felt very upset because she didn't look like herself to me. I was just old enough to understand that this was my issue and not hers but not old enough to stop feeling upset inside.

When our oldest son was about 3 years old my husband shaved his mustache for the first time since I knew him because I was begging him to see what his face looked like. I was elated that he did that for me (he had that mustache pretty much from the age he could grow one) and I thought he looked very handsome. What neither of us was prepared for was that our son freaked out. He acted as if another man was in the house and would have no part of his own father. He wouldn't let him touch him, come near him or even talk to him.

The only thing I could think to do was to fasten my husband a paper mustache out of grocery sack paper and tape it to his lip. Somehow that satisfied our son. My husband had to wear it for a few hours and gradually our son came to accept him without it.

I think the thing to do with your daughter is to bring her in on the act. Make a game of putting your hair up and down. Tell her your head hurts and ask her if she can help you take your hair down. Then let her rub your head and help you brush your hair and then let her help you put your hair back up. If you do this often and increase the time you leave it down she should be over it in no time. Possibly do the same with her, let her hair up and down, even if it's so short you can only use a few barrettes.

For your amusement, a picture of my husband with his paper-bag mustache. (I added the lovely hearts to protect his privacy.)

http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg46/veeless/Ernie-1.jpg

[ZenBird07]

DS is two and he doesn't miss a beat... Many times I braid my hair back in a single plait as to not catch it afire when I cook, and when I take a break to just cuddle him or admire him or just to acknowledge him he'll gently and sweetly glide his fingers over it and sometimes say, "Oooo. Mommy. A braid...":D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[Maddy25]

Anything that makes mommy look different can be upsetting to a child. I imagine the reason you are having trouble is that she isn't used to seeing your hair down so you don't 'look like mommy' to her.

I remember when I was in grade-school my mother bought a wig and when I came home she was wearing it and pretending it was her new hair style. I smiled and told her it was nice so as not to hurt her feelings because she seemed very excited about it. And truthfully it looked just fine. But what I didn't tell her was that my stomach was in knots and I felt very upset because she didn't look like herself to me. I was just old enough to understand that this was my issue and not hers but not old enough to stop feeling upset inside.

When our oldest son was about 3 years old my husband shaved his mustache for the first time since I knew him because I was begging him to see what his face looked like. I was elated that he did that for me (he had that mustache pretty much from the age he could grow one) and I thought he looked very handsome. What neither of us was prepared for was that our son freaked out. He acted as if another man was in the house and would have no part of his own father. He wouldn't let him touch him, come near him or even talk to him.

The only thing I could think to do was to fasten my husband a paper mustache out of grocery sack paper and tape it to his lip. Somehow that satisfied our son. My husband had to wear it for a few hours and gradually our son came to accept him without it.

I think the thing to do with your daughter is to bring her in on the act. Make a game of putting your hair up and down. Tell her your head hurts and ask her if she can help you take your hair down. Then let her rub your head and help you brush your hair and then let her help you put your hair back up. If you do this often and increase the time you leave it down she should be over it in no time. Possibly do the same with her, let her hair up and down, even if it's so short you can only use a few barrettes.

For your amusement, a picture of my husband with his paper-bag mustache. (I added the lovely hearts to protect his privacy.)

http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg46/veeless/Ernie-1.jpg


hehehe! I love that photo!

[SHELIAANN1969]

My sisters son is 9 years old and he is a little trip when it comes to my or her hair. He is very vocal about what *he* like or doesn't like.

One day my sister had her hair down instead of in a bun and he said, *Oh I like your hair that way, I don't like it when you have it the other way*

He has also told me that he likes my hair down too, he asked me why it was always up and I explained that since I wear a headset all day for work, I have to have it in a bun or it will rip my hair.

I never knew a boy would be so interested in our hair! :)

[JamieLeigh]

My older three think it's pretty, but my younger two think I look like Rapunzel. My DD4 gets upset when I trim the ends. :p

[Lisbeth]

My son is 10. Six weeks ago I cut from waist to APL with layers and he was horrified! So was I for a couple of weeks, and we are both glad I'm growing it back.

He hates it when I wear a messy bun at the back of my head. He seems ok when it is ultra neat however. When It's all messy he says "Mum, not that horrible ball thing again!"

[Shermie Girl]

Kids can have interesting reactions to our hair, can't they? When my son was about four, I radically changed my hair colour. Without even thinking about it, I walked out of my bathroom into my bedroom where my son was sitting on my bed, playing with a toy. When he saw me, he screamed, jumped off the bed and ran from the room and hid in his room and wouldn't stop screaming or look at me until he heard my voice. He finally calmed down, peeked up at me and said, "Mommy? Is that really you?" in the saddest, most scared little voice. He adjusted quickly to the change but I felt bad for scaring him.

[motormuffin]

My daughter likes playing with all my hair toys. At night I'll sit on the couch with my hair down and she likes to come over and 'fix' me up. She puts her my little pony barrettes in and brush it. She twists it all up like she's braiding it. She likes it better long...she sees old pics of me and asks if I'm going to grow it long like 'when I was little'. I wasn't really little but she's 5...I think she means younger.

[Themyst]

My seven-year-old son has always loved my long hair. He often comments that he prefers it down opposed to in a bun. He says I look more like a 'mom' with it down and it's beautiful. Apparently, he equates long hair with 'beautiful moms' since that's what I've always had. :)

[Silver & Gold]

hehehe! I love that photo!

Thanks. It's one of my favorite 'silly memory' photos. As I recall my husband had shaved his mustache in the evening when the kids were in bed. (I had a baby as well at the time but he didn't seem to bothered by the change.) We didn't get our older son's reaction until the next morning. Which is why you see my husband in a robe and with his hair mussed. He had really just got out of bed. Our son's reaction was so extreme - and we were caught so off guard that I just had to think quick. The paper-mustache was what I came up with in a few seconds while listening to a wailing tot.

Of course I had to get the photo afterwards. My husband wasn't nearly as amused as I was. I think it really upset him at the time. He wasn't keen about shaving the mustache and then to have his own son reject him . . . then to have to wear the paper mustache for half the day . . . yeah, he wasn't full of giggles. We all laugh about it now and he's glad I took the picture as evidence but it was a tense day.

[spidermom]

My granddaughter was about 2 and I was putting my hair up because we were going for a walk. She said in seemingly great distress "no g'ma, no!" I asked her what she meant, and she said "down!" So I asked her if she wanted me to wear my hair down, and she said "yes!"

She's 8 now and tells me I have Rapunzel hair, and she wants Rapunzel hair, too.

[Medievalmaniac]

Yup...my oldest daughter will NOT hear of my cutting my hair, or hers, either. She wants us both to have hair we can sit on. She's 5...it's incredible that she has such strong opinions already on this, but she definitely does! She's also quite bossy about when to oil and how much to oil. It's cute, the little tyrant! :o)

[heidihug]

I have two boys. After they started being ambulatory and vocal, I don't think they would have noticed if I wore a clown wig and red nose. They were too busy catching frogs and putting rocks in their pockets. I have heard of other peoples' little kids who have reacted in the extreme to changes in their parents' appearance, though.

[linda g]

Slightly different age range, but my 17 year old daughter wants me to keep henna-ing my hair. The last time I was talking about getting my hair back its natural color (which involves a lot of silver, let's say), she asked me not to, "because, like, you're my mom, and stuff".

I think it is the same response ;)

[eadwine]

Personally, I'd say she has to learn to suck it up. Life isn't always about her, not now, not in the future. Perfect way to learn this right now, so change it, by all means.

[JCFantasy23]

My son doesn't have any preferences. He's 8 now. But when I was using a curling iron (very rare occurrence, I promise) on my hair and putting on makeup, he did say all us girls are so lucky to be able to use such neat things lol.

[Armelle]

Yeah, my daughter is hyper-sensitive to change. According to my mom, I was too.

[Katurday]

Well I don't have children, but I do remember an incident when I cried after my dad shaved his moustache. Tell you the truth, to this day I still wish he had his old moustache.

Little children have a fear of separation from a parent, so they have extreme reactions to change because they fear that their mom or dad will not be the same person anymore.

[jasper]

Your post reminds me of my brother. When he was about 4 or 5 years old, my mom went to a salon and got a perm/cut/style and his comment upon seeing her was a worried "I want my old mommy back."

[rchorr]

Yeah, my DD is 10, and I was SSSOOOOO frustrated w/my hair a month or so ago that I threatened to cut it off. My DH came in and told my that my DD was kind of freaking out. She REALLY didn't want me to cut.

Needless to say, I didn't, but I did do a trim (which she didn't even notice ;^) .

RCHORR'

[Bene]

Personally, I'd say she has to learn to suck it up. Life isn't always about her, not now, not in the future. Perfect way to learn this right now, so change it, by all means.

:laugh: Ordinarily I would agree with this. I generally feel that kids should learn these lessons early on.


But, when I was really small, my mom did a major chop and went blonde. She left the house with beautiful long tailbone length hair, and came back with the old lady pixie cut (the kind with the poof in the back) that was ash blonde. I couldn't look at her. I didn't look or talk or acknowledge her existence for about a week. I acted as if she had died. I knew it was my mom, but when you're really little those big changes take some time getting used to. I didn't cry or throw a tantrum or anything, I just couldn't manage to accept this new person as my mom.

[forgetmenotak]

When I was really little my father shaved his beard at night, like Silver and Gold's husband, and when I saw him in the morning I didn't recognize him. It just took me a little while to get used to the new look.

[Amara]

From these stories and my own experiences, I think parents should talk about the upcoming change before it happens, and involve the child in the process, as well. (have dad hold child while mom gets her hair cut, or whatever). It might upset the child during the process, but the really bad experiences seem to be the surprises AFTER the fact. Children might adjust sooner if they see it happening, rather than if they get taken off guard by it later.

You could also model the changes with a doll, to show how it's still the same doll before/after, or do a small trim on the child's hair (if that's a pleasant option) to show how they are still the same...

:)

[LawyerGirl]

I could dye my hair blue and my kids (both boys) wouldn't bat an eyelash. I've had it long, short, extensions, highlights, etc. and they don't care.

[Bunnyhare]

I don't have children but i have a niece and nephew i am very close to...i had my hair past BSL since they were born, but on a trip to see them just a few weeks after a cut to shoulder, with layers and bangs(which was a first since childhood and i still hate these layers!) he gave me an odd look the first 2 days we were there...we could not figure out what was going on(he was just barely 5) then in the car on day two, i was in the back between them, of course, and he looked over at me 2 hours into our drive and said "its your hair, you cut your hair ." that was it, he was back to normal after that, but it had bothered him enough that he acted different around me until he figured it out, then i was back to auntie!

[Hiriel]

Anything that makes mommy look different can be upsetting to a child. I imagine the reason you are having trouble is that she isn't used to seeing your hair down so you don't 'look like mommy' to her.

Yeah, I vaguely remember being really scared and crying when my mother got home with new glasses once, when I was something like 5~ish, and when my dad shaved his full beard and moustache (I was older then, 11 maybe) I simply didn't recognise him. New glasses don't seem like that big a change though, but it obviously was to me.

[SimplyViki]

I remember asking my dad who he was upon some change in style once - I think he had shaved off his mustache.

And once my mom cut her hair from somewhere between hip and tailbone to midback, and I believe she added bangs at the same time. I almost didn't recognize her. For a while after that I didn't recognize her from the back.

[Anje]

No kids for me, but I remember when my mom cut her shoulder-length hair to a longish pixie. My little brother took one look and ran back to the babysitter! As for my own hair, until about 1st or 2nd grade, I would always pull out all the barrettes my mom put in. Finally learned to put my own hair up so that it didn't pull and bother me!

[turtlelover]

I had a teacher in kindergarten whom I was very, very attached to (definitely a mother figure) w/ the most BEAUTIFUL waist length, dark hair, and one day I overheard her saying she was going to get it cut. I was so traumatized that I pretended to be sick because I didn't want to go back to school and see her w/out her hair, though I was too embarrassed to admit this to anyone!!! She ended up NOT cutting her hair after all, but I definitely was traumatized even by the IDEA of her cutting her hair enough to not want to go back to school until I figured out that is was a false alarm. I think I really would have CRIED if she went through with it!!!!:rolleyes:

[LilacTea]

I took my two year old along the last time I got a trim and he was super upset by it. I don't know if he thought they were hurting me or what. I suspect he is attached to my hair how it is.

[Arriens]

I do recall from my childhood that mom wanted to pick me up from school (after a saloon visit with included paint and loads of cutting). That she coudn't do it because I clinged to the teacher out of fear from that weird lady. :p

[Peggy E.]

Wear your hair as it pleases you and know you are teaching your child the lesson of learning to deal with simple change in her/his life!

Really - As you try new styles and do new things with your hair, even clothing, your child will become more accustomed to accepting the new and different, and learning to do so in a very safe environment: from Mama! Eventually s/he'll not give it a second thought.

[MemSahib]

When I came home from college Mother had put a rinse on her hair. I'm not sure I minded the intended dark brown as much as the greenish cast that junk gave her pretty hair. Honestly, it looked awful and she apparently couldn't detect the green. It was subtle but there, you know? I begged her to not do it again, ever — and she didn't.

Green hair? Not for me.

[Themyst]

I'm thinking that some of the childrens' reactions to haircuts, etc. in a few of these posts might have something to do with the fusiform gyrus, a part in the brain (temporal lobe) that processes face and other grouping-type recognition.

There is an article on a study done by Yale U. and Brown Uinversity in the Science Daily that states "the mechanisms responsible for face perception may be a learned skill rather than an innate function of the human brain"

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/1999/06/990624080203.htm

So, I would suspect a drastic haircut might take away the feature a child had relied on for recognition while his brain was still developing - something that actually could cause terror for a little child.