Your hair and others

[Darkhorse1]

I find it very interesting that many posts here refer to people and what they've had to deal with in regards to negative comments on their hair from family, friends, not friends and strangers.

I'm curious to know: Do you care what other people think? Does it bother you if you have negative attention to your hair?

I was thinking about this because most of my life, many kids teased me that my hair was 'style-less' because I was growing it long. I honestly never cared. My father always bugged me about cutting it, wanted me to get the dorothy hamil bob, and I was adament --NO WAY. I wanted long hair, period! My father, in fact, was always trying to get me to cut my classic ends, but I wanted it 'natural'. he would insult it saying it looked unkept, ratty, and I just ignored him. I did let him neaten the ends, but he had to promise me he wouldn't take more than a tiny bit off.

I was always very confident with my hair and the only time I was upset was when it was cut far too short.

So, I'm wondering, are you bothered when you get comments that are negative? Do you have long hair to impress people? Do comments matter to you?

Again, I'm just curious and in NO way implying that there is anything wrong with this---I've wanted to make this post for eons, and kept forgetting.

[RancheroTheBee]

I would really love it if someone other than my boyfriend (and of course, you guys) were even remotely supportive of me. Other feedback I get ranges from apathetic to confused.

Still, I would never quit growing my hair or start trying to iron it every day again, because I know those things don't make me happy. Simply put, I'd love more positive comments from people, but it's not the way I qualify my satisfaction with my hair. (Did that last part make sense? Ughn. So sleepy.)

[ericthegreat]

When I first started to grow my hair out, ohh definitely yes I would be bothered by all the "Look at that Chinese weirdo with the long hair." comments and stares. And it wasn't even long certainly by LHC standards, this was between the stages of chin length and shoulder length.

It was in the summer of 2006 when I actually gained the strength of will I have today. That summer, I met a whole string of people who changed my life forever, I consider them both my second parents and my life mentors. One woman in particular is what you would call a spiritual healer, the first time she met me she already knew what was up with my life and the crisis I was going thro with my personal identity. She saved my life in ways I can't even describe. Within these past 3 years, I have completely gained full confidence in myself both inside and outside. Am I where I fully want to be spiritually? Of course not, I know I certainly still have a long road ahead of me. But, now, I'm okay with not knowing. Life isn't about getting to the destination. Its about the journey. I'm also a lot more willing to just trust myself and my instincts. My instincts are pretty much always right, so all I really need is my own self-assurance. I see growing and keeping my hair as a male as a test of sorts. I know I'm going against the grain.............but I guess that's exactly what I want to do. I want to show the world that I don't follow convention and that I am my own person. I don't need to be told what I should think or how I should look............I have my own mind and I love how I choose to present myself. :toast:

[Quixii]

I am a bit, but I don't care. I'm looking to make my hair look good to me. If it looks good to me, how can it not look good to others?
Currently I don't like everything about it, so if someone comments about how frizzy it is or something I can only laugh and agree, because, yeah, it's frizzy.
I think I'm my own worst critic for my hair, so nothing anyone else says about it really bothers me. The [very, by this time] few negative comments I get about the length don't bother me at all. I know some people think it's weird, but I like being weird. Heck, I did the splits three times in PE today just because the guys couldn't believe how weird it was. (Woah, tangent.)

[Aer]

It depends on my mood. But mostly no, I really don't care. I get irritated when I get comments about how once you become a mother it's somehow "inappropriate" to have long hair, I really don't know why it is. I think some people equate long hair with with sex for some reason. But mostly I just don't pay attention to people who say anything about it.

[ravenreed]

I have yet to have a negative comment.... I am lucky enough to live in an area where many women AND men sport long hair, and quite a few of my friends have bsl or longer. I have one friend with hair longer than mine.

However, I have never been one to follow fashion or take what others thought about my appearance much into account. I appreciate the positive comments, but as long as I think my hair looks good, that is what really matters.

[JCFantasy23]

I have never had a negative comment about growing it long. I've never had to waist yet but I've almost been there, and am now, and no one says anything about it. I suppose I'm lucky because I hate criticism and can get sensitive about it.

[fluffybunny]

Yes, it bothers me. I hate being told I need to get layers and highlights. Ugh. It just doesn't work. I honestly don't think most women you see on the street look good with the usual salon cut, heat styling, and the obligatory (esp. at my age) color and highlights. It looks fried and awful. The color looks fake and predictable.

It bugs me that it seems like nobody really looks, and sees what it actually looks like in real life, on real women, as opposed to in magazines or red carpet events on gorgeous young women. Why don't more women reject the whole rigamorole? It's a hassle, damaging, and not really very pretty.

Reminds me of the whole thing with using relaxers for 4c hair-- why on earth is that considered so essential? When I do see women with big fros or teeny fros or some cool twisty/braidy style it looks really good. Why do most people not see that?

It does feel like bucking a whole societal norm to change my hair routine, and it bothers me to cope with the disapproval and lack of appreciation. I hope to someday just not care one bit. But at this point I'm annoyed to not have anyone appreciate my plan, except for here.

[LittleOrca]

The only time I think it bothers me is when it's family, friends, or someone I believe would be more open minded about hair in general, such as members of the LHC.

I don't have long hair to really impress anyone but myself. That is not to say I don't like the compliments and I don't like when my hair does impress people, but I am not doing it for them. I am doing it for me.

What does bother me is when people give me unwanted advice: cut it, bleach it, dye it, layer it, fry it, conform, conform conform!!!! Bleh

[fluffybunny]

cut it, bleach it, dye it, layer it, fry it, conform, conform conform!!!! Bleh

:) That really sums it up perfectly

[Shastrix]

When I was growing my hair from "short back and sides" until it around the time it reached my shoulders I would get snide remarks and comments about getting a hair cut daily. I could not fathom why the same people felt it their place and duty to insult my appearance and dictate how my hair should look. I put on a brave face, but after a year it was beginning to wear me down, especially as I was acutely aware that my hair didn't look particularly good during that time.

Once I hit shoulder length I started to recieve the odd comment about how my longer hair it suited me, and even some of the naysayers changed their tune. I think I have now become more confident with my appearance and don't care so much what others think. In the end the whole experience was "character building". IANAP (I am not a psychologist) but I now think a few of those who persistently criticised me, one in particular, have their own self-image issues and were just reflecting it on to others.

Amusingly, the supporters of my long hair appear to be a transient group as for some my hair is now "too long" and they have begun telling me to get a trim. :D

[No excuses]

Personally, I never received a negative comment about my hair... But one about my forehead :o It was when I was a small girl and we were on the playground with my friend (5 years old, too) :D Suddenly he started to stare at me and after maybe a minute said something like:
- You are quite nice overall... (thinking) But your forehead is like a landing strip!
I think he wanted to say that I have high forehead and shouldn't wear my hair tightly pulled back (he was right, though) :D It is rather funny now but I remember that I felt deeply insulted :D
Now, when I am a big girl, I don't really care what people say about my hair, unless it is about greasiness or being dirty - I would feel ashamed if somebody told me that my hair looks unhygienical...

[noelgirl]

The only comments that really bother me are when the tone is that I'm out of the loop somehow, or that I must be some feral child who hasn't heard of this newfangled haircut thing. That's when I get annoyed, when the comments become an insult not to my hair, but to my intelligence. I've made a conscious decision to grow my hair and keep it long, and I guess that since it's not a choice that everyone would make, it's one that some people don't give its due credit as an informed decision.

[MsBubbles]

I have yet to hear an insult from a stranger - probably because I glower at people and scare them off...

My SO is 100% supportive and pays me compliments, and I get compliments from co-workers. My daughter says nice things about it and my son doesn't even mention it. But my 'other' family - the one I grew up in, think it's open season all year round to give me catty remarks. I don't see them but once every five years or so though.

I would be upset by negative comments but I'm sure if I heard them often enough I'd grow a thicker skin to it.

[Schnee]

No, I don't care what others think of my hair, but then again I don't get negative comments. I keep it the way I like it, when I stop liking it I might change it.

It is just hair, you know. Not my life or my personality. Yes, I am easily identified because of my hair (the long haired one), but it is not who I am. Nor does my hair need special support from my friends and family. ;)

[taliarose]

Cool thread topic.

No the comments don't bother me. If they aren't from family I just ignore them. The ones from family annoy me becuase they haven't changed the tune in far to many years.

Now compliments on the other hand... Those I have problems with. I grow my hair for me not others so having someone notice who's not LHC is very strange. Granted it's only been a handful of times and one of those times was Angel_Rose who introduced me to this great site!

[rags]

Well, my hair is only APL + right now, but it's been to tailbone before, and yes the comments bothered me. I have very, very babyfine hair, and it's thin. (1.5" pony)

So I get all the time that my hair isn't "good" enough (I swear, that's what they say!) to wear long. It hurts my feelings, but I like it long, so long it's going to be!

[Yayasmurf]

It is just hair, you know. Not my life or my personality. Yes, I am easily identified because of my hair (the long haired one), but it is not who I am. Nor does my hair need special support from my friends and family. ;)

I felt the same way or at least I thought I did until my sister who wears her hair very short commented "You should really cut that mop of yours off... I don't see how you stand it"

I have to admit it broke my heart. I love and cherish my sister and always look for ways to uplift her in life and make her feel good about herself. I know she loves me too. But it still hurt. My hair is not what needed the special support from family and friends... it was my heart that needed it. I still agree that it's just hair, not my life or personality but I guess when it comes to my big sister I'm still just her little sister at heart.

[MsBubbles]

It is just hair, you know. Not my life or my personality. Yes, I am easily identified because of my hair (the long haired one), but it is not who I am. Nor does my hair need special support from my friends and family. ;)

Having long hair is a huge part of who I am (even though it's not that long yet, really). And my hair doesn't need the support from friends and family, but I sure do! ;)

PS: Schnee: That braid is amazing!!

[Eilean]

I can't remember anyone having commented on my hair in the last 30 years.. except of course I went from one colour to a new one, like from red to black. Maybe because my hair was never longer than 30 inches. But even if people comment.. why should I care. It is my hair, my problem, not theirs.

Be proud of your hair, it makes you unique! :)

[Angela_Rose]

Cool thread topic.

No the comments don't bother me. If they aren't from family I just ignore them. The ones from family annoy me becuase they haven't changed the tune in far to many years.

Now compliments on the other hand... Those I have problems with. I grow my hair for me not others so having someone notice who's not LHC is very strange. Granted it's only been a handful of times and one of those times was Angela_Rose who introduced me to this great site!

::grins:: Hi! I'm so glad you came to play with us. :cheese:

[GeoJ]

Well, I got plenty of negative comments as a teenager about my hair being frizzy and full of split ends (which it was, thanks to the blowdrier and curling irons). I was not bothered by those comments.

Since crossing waist length I have only had one negative comment. That was when my hair was about tailbone length and I was in India getting ready for my wedding reception. The ladies helping me get ready told me my braid was long enough, but much too skinny to wear at the function. That one did hurt because I have always wished for thicker hair, but obviously I cannot have it.

Overall, since my hair has become longer than the norm, I have not had any other negative comments, only either positive or neutral comments.

[RavennaNight]

I've never had a really negative comment directed at my hair. I have had folks say they prefer short hair on everyone, not just me. But then again I come from a different situation than most of you.:flower: I don't know what it is like to have family harrass me about the look of my hair because I haven't any family. I have inlaws, but they are all longhairs!

I grow my hair to impress myself. I grow it because I like it. Since there isn't anyone close enough to me (family) to constantly express a negative opinion about it, everyone else and their opinions don't matter. There isn't anyone close enough to me so that I would be within their sphere of influence.

[Darkhorse1]

Thanks everyone for sharing! These are very interesting stories.

I guess people's comments to hair is like comments to clothing or anything else. I just think hair, to me anyhow, is more personal because it's part of you (attatched that is).

To me? I love long hair and don't have plans to cut it. When I do, I'll cut it because I wanted to. I don't do curls or flat irons--I do for special occasions (1ce a year) and that's it.

For me, long hair seemed so much more unique than the millions of cuts out there that required layers, frequent visits to the salon etc. I love how it feels and looks, and my goal is to have a long, gorgeous braid. Schnee is now in my long braid category! :)

[kirky]

This is a great post Darkhorse, thanks for starting it!

Negative comments about my hair do hurt me. I put so much effort and time into my hair and growing it long and healthy! When I hear the "cut it, layer it, ect" commets, I cant help but take it personally.

Thankfully I have only had a few negative comments. Most of them have come from my sister or Mum, but the positive comments and compliments far exceed the negative ones.

[bte]

I, too, am growing for myself, and even back in the 1970s when men didn't wear ponytails, I remember a) wanting my hair to be a lot longer than anyone else I knew, and didn't ever consider what anyone else might think, and b) when I was about to go off to university, my mother said I would "have to see if anyone else there had hair as long" as mine, as though somehow I needed not to be different from other students. My reply, of course, "what does that matter?"

Good thread!

[Loviatar]

Nobody's commented on my hair since I left school.

Some teenager in the street yelled 'why have you got a f**king stick in your hair' recently, but I didnt look round. In true spirit d'escalier fashion, I should have asked him how a 'f**king stick' was different to an ordinary one. :lol:

[MirandaWelch]

Do you care what other people think? Does it bother you if you have negative attention to your hair?


No, but I've never cared even for things other than hair.

On the flip side, I do enjoy positive comments, but I don't think I take those to heart any more than I would a negative one.

[pinchbeck]

I remember the Dorothy Hamil days! And my dad had my hair cut short from its long length (more of a bowl cut). I looked ugly. Today, my hair isn't very long, but I do wear it longer than shoulder length and love it. However, when it reaches farther down my back I get negative comments. My mom said I should cut it to a more mature length, my 12-year-old said I should cut it because I look like a hippie and my boyfriend says I look sexier with a shorter layered look and does NOT like my long hair at all. He never touches it, looks at it or makes positive comments with the exception of suggesting I get blond streaks and cut it adding he will pay for it!

Last week I caved in to all the comments I had been getting and cut 4" off. My hair is a short 22" long. On the upside it doesn't have one split end and the ends look great. I dislike the look of ratty ends like your dad. But healthy fairy tale ends look nice providing they are not full of split ends.

From what I have written here it looks like I care what people say. And seeing my son almost close to tears with the ridicule received from friends about my look it seemed that maybe I should take a look at myself from the outside rather than from the inside.

I love healthy long hair on anyone and admire its wearer for taking time, patience and care to achieve such beauty.

If I had the patience to grow my hair longer it would be to impress both myself and other people.

[JamieLeigh]

I feel the same way as the OP. I have had long hair for all of my life, and I'm used to the comments. I get FAR more positive comments than I do negative ones. I haven't had a negative comment in over 3 years, to my knowledge. (It's possible that I'm just that thick-skinned and I just don't notice it's negative :p) For the most part, this is probably because I wear it up in public, which cuts down on being "noticed" - unless I'm having an awesome hair day that HAS to be "noticed" ;) - and also because my family and friends are just so used to my hair now that it doesn't register on their radar anymore.

If I were to get a negative comment on my hair today, I wouldn't be bothered with it....in fact, I could probably turn it around on the person who said it by replying, "Wow, that's the first negative hair comment I've gotten in 3 years! Congratulations!!" ;) Yeah, I'm awful, lol.

[xxaimsxx]

Yeah it does bother me but to be honest i dont want to look like everyone else and be a clone copying what it supposedly in fashion. I cant be bothered dying it and styling it with straightners or curling it everyday. Sure it will look nice in the short term but my hair gets damaged very easily anyway so imagine what it would look like after a long while!

The only person who makes fun of my hair now is my sister because i never have it out its always clipped up.

My mum's always saying she will pay for me to have my hair styled and cut (the way she want's ofcourse!) in an expensive hairdressers as a treat. Noway i say!
Last time i had it cut the woman cut it so short i nearly cried. It was so short with layers i could hardly fit it into a pony tail. Although she did dye it a lovely toffee colour. lol.

So yes i care but forget about what they say within 2 days. All that matters is that i like my hair noone else! I want long hair and im going to have long hair. Long hair is so me. I always had it when i was little right up to the age of 14.
Same should go for everyone. Do what YOU want. :)

[frodolaughs]

I wish I could honestly say that I didn't care what others think, but I do. I have always felt hurt by insults and slights about the way I look and behave. It's not so much that I wish people would all like or compliment me, but that I feel that they should keep these kinds of irrelevant comments to themselves, and it makes me angry when they don't. I would like to be more serene, and do try to make sure that these sorts of things don't affect my behavior and choices, but they can hurt.

[Armelle]

I'm rather sensitive to bad comments. But I received alot more negative comments when my hair was short. The only grief I get now is from my mom (and when my granny was still alive, her too.) The only not-meant-to-be-negative-but-was comment I received recently was from a co-worker who said my hair looked much better after a hip to bsl cut I had to make due to medicine problems. I was about in tears!

[DMARTINEZ]

I have had alot of different comments,good and bad about my hair. (Mostly good)
Sometimes I feel like Im going through a midlife crisis,because honestly,yes, I am
affected by comments....:( BUT, heres the bottom line, after cutting...:( I have come
to realize that I have to be happy with my hair. That having longer hair is REALLY
important to me,and to heck with all those who say things,or wonder,or give advice.
Its MY head,my life,my body. Period.
I just wish I didnt have to cut to realize this.
I cant wait till this time next yr..........;)


Deb

[spidermom]

Nope, I don't care one little bit what people other people say about my hair. Sometimes I wish somebody would start in on it because I've picked up so many clever one-liners. I don't go for the "be rude right back" approach though.

If my DH hated my hair, I'd have to reconsider. His opinion I care about. However, I once asked him to grow his out at least a little and he told he that he would wear his hair how he likes it, thank you very much. Good attitude.

[linda g]

Well, unfortunately, I *do* care what other people think, more than I want to. If I could change one thing about myself, it would be to not worry so much about what other people think.

That being said, I have only gotten neutral-to-positive comments on my hair. ("Your hair is getting long." )

However, one of the main things holding me back on letting my hair go to its natural color (which would include lots and lots of silvers) is my foolish concern about how others will view my roots. :(

[viking_quest]

I just ignore negative comments so they don't affect me but when someone says my hair looks nice then I turn into mush. I love that comment.

[Vijikanth]

Its always been a problem especially when u are a male. Lots and lots of negative comments. It doesn't seem to stop. Had to tackle atleast 4 people a day,from strangers to friends to family members. I keep thinking it will decline as my hair gets longer. But it had definitely taught me perseverance and patience. I'm seeing a different me in character.

[jojo]

I get the odd negative comment off my family but I just ignore it. I work with a lot of Indian nurses who have very long hair so they tend to be supportive and are always offering advice.

One the other day said when I explained my hair wasn't greasy but had coconut oil in it; ' Oh do you use coconut oil? all Indians do too'

I do remember one comment a few months back off a woman the same age as me in the pub, who incidently had the typical 40 year old womans 'style' a la toilet brush do!. She said, " why are you trying to hang onto your youth by growing your hair long?, it really grates on my nerves when older women have long hair" I just replied " Well were all different, I much prefer the hair on my head to be long, than the hair on my chin like you!" and with that I walked off!

[Spring]

Reminds me of the whole thing with using relaxers for 4c hair-- why on earth is that considered so essential? When I do see women with big fros or teeny fros or some cool twisty/braidy style it looks really good. Why do most people not see that?


The degrading and negative comments go both ways on this topic. Instead of the emphasis being respect for the choice of the individual, for some who are all of a sudden omiscient, have decided they know the motivation of every woman who relaxes their hair.

No, it is not essential and unfortunately there are some people, who have hurt others by making them feel it is.

Relaxing is a choice, made by women for a variety of different reasons. For me personally, I have been natural and relaxed, and I very much enjoy straight styles, wavy styles, curls and less tangles and a relaxer makes it more convenient for me. Natural women enjoy braids, braidouts, twist, twistouts, afros, & bun styles they have with our natural hair.

I think for some, it's easier to attach stereotypes to a whole group of women, rather than show the encouragement and respect they would want in return.

[Shiva]

So, I'm wondering, are you bothered when you get comments that are negative? Do you have long hair to impress people? Do comments matter to you?
If I cared what others thought I would be dying my grays and I have gotten comments about how I should dye my grays. I have always been a length person above all else and in the 80's and early 90's it was about length and curls/body for me.... never did I get into dying my hair (except one crazy summer and a slight run-in with Sun In, but that was it for me).

Sometimes I think this board is just all about people who have floor length/ankle length/butt length hair, but that's not what I want either.

I don't much give a hoot what people think of my hair because I am the one that has to be comfortable with it and take care of it. I know what I like and I know what I don't like.

[Darkhorse1]

Now, those who are sensitive to comments on your hair, are you sensitive to comments in general about your apperance? I wonder if hair comments are more hurtful to people because it's part of you, rather than just a shirt or pants you can not wear again.

To me, I always felt that a hair style reflects a person's individual quality/spirit. Why should anyone insult that???

*shakes head* people! I can't believe some of the rude comments people have gotten! I mean, it's your hair. Noone else should feel they should comment!

[Roseate]

I've never really gotten negative comments about length (back when it was long), but I do sometimes get them about texture. Some people just don't like wurls, and feel no compunctions about saying so.

It's strange to me, because the comments usually come from people I don't know very well, and I just can't imagine suggesting to a near-stranger that they straighten their hair. (Or do anything to their hair!) :confused:

I don't let them get to me. It's my hair, I have to wear it around, I have to like it, not them. If it was a close friend or family member on me about it, it might get me down more, but random hecklers, meh.

[DMARTINEZ]

I get the odd negative comment off my family but I just ignore it. I work with a lot of Indian nurses who have very long hair so they tend to be supportive and are always offering advice.

One the other day said when I explained my hair wasn't greasy but had coconut oil in it; ' Oh do you use coconut oil? all Indians do too'

I do remember one comment a few months back off a woman the same age as me in the pub, who incidently had the typical 40 year old womans 'style' a la toilet brush do!. She said, " why are you trying to hang onto your youth by growing your hair long?, it really grates on my nerves when older women have long hair" I just replied " Well were all different, I much prefer the hair on my head to be long, than the hair on my chin like you!" and with that I walked off!

Oh my gosh Jojo, this made me laugh!!! Ill have to remember that one...lol ;)

[Alexannee10]

The only comments I keep the are good ones :) The others, *from jaleous people hum* I don't care.

[mwedzi]

Of course I care what others think. That's why we feel good when we get compliments, because we care that someone else thinks something good of us. But you can't let every person's opinion be equally important. It wouldn't work anyhow, since equally important opinions would often be conflicting. And your own opinion counts, too. ;)

[dukkelisa]

No one likes my hair. I have never had a single hair complement. My Mother tries to convince me to cut it, reminding me of "how pretty" I use to be with short hair, my daughter convinced me to dye it red and it ruined my hair last Jan, which will now take me a long time to re-coup. She insisted that I "at least give it some colour". My husband doesn't like it either, saying I am too old to have long hair. heaven forbid if I get a tangle and have to work it, because he's right there offering to cut it all off for me.

I don't give a rats patooty what anyone thinks, although it does hurt my feelings on the inside that anyone would want to be negative to me when I do not fish for compliments to begin with. Sometimes I feel very alone in my love of long hair and rarely let anyone see it down in my family. When I wash my hair, I love combing it out and feeling the silkiness. It has become a "thing" for me alone.

As my husband and I live in a truck, I notice that when I comb out my hair in the restroom in the mornings, I get no comments either. Perhaps I am considered a freak at my age. I am not young enough for it to be sexy and not old enough for it to be novel. I don't know why. As an aside, one day I saw a trucker in a turban. We were parked next to each other, so there is little privacy until we put up our curtain. I was amazed when he unwound his turban and waist length hair came tumbling down! He combed it over his head and wound it back up in the turban. I felt like a peeping tomasina, but I sure did appreciate knowing some one else had long hair and that they too kept it sort of a secret. That's how I feel, like my hair is a secret only I know.

This is a sad subject for me.

[Amara]

I'm pretty good at ignoring comments from people I don't know. If somebody I knew and liked said something negative about my hair, it might bug me for a bit, but I also know it wouldn't change what I'm doing with my hair or why.

[adiapalic]

Never. If someone were to say that my hair looks bad, I would call :bs: and honestly believe they are being nasty out of meanness and jealousy. That sounds horribly superficial, but my hair is a feature of mine that I'm most confident about! I love my hair, and I think it suits me. I take care of it, and I think it shows.

So there's that :)

[adiapalic]

I've never really gotten negative comments about length (back when it was long), but I do sometimes get them about texture. Some people just don't like wurls, and feel no compunctions about saying so.

It's strange to me, because the comments usually come from people I don't know very well, and I just can't imagine suggesting to a near-stranger that they straighten their hair. (Or do anything to their hair!) :confused:

I don't let them get to me. It's my hair, I have to wear it around, I have to like it, not them. If it was a close friend or family member on me about it, it might get me down more, but random hecklers, meh.

I LOVE your wurls. My niece in middle school has wurls, and she's under so much peer-pressure to straighten and does it all the time (yeah, peer pressure in school on hairstyles ... it's utterly ridiculous?). I beg her to let them be natural because they look much prettier that way. I think it helps her have a little more self-acceptance.

[Kaijah]

I've gotten comments on both the wurly texture and length from various people, including family, but.... I don't care. Honestly, most the time the person commenting means nothing to me, so why should what they say mean anything, either? (Though it is probably easier for me to ignore my family than most, since we're not close.) I have my hair the way I want it, because that's how I want it. It's not like it's harmful. :shrug: I tend to take a pretty detached stance from others with everything in life, though.

[Bene]

I feel like an oddity regarding how other people react to my hair. I've never had a negative comment. My hair is up in a bun most of the time. All of my friends know that I'm trying to grow long, and if anything, I've only gotten positive feedback and encouragement. They will ask me if I've seen the latest new product for long hair. And it's not a bad thing, they honestly want to help and if they hear about something, they'll keep a mental note on it until they see me. They'll even keep mental notes on long hair sightings, such as "I saw this girl the other week with hair down to her butt, but it didn't look as nice as yours", which, I won't lie, makes me smile like a fool.

On the few rare occasions that I take it down, my friends take a few moments to look and ask if they can touch. I'll hear "Oh your hair is getting looooong" It's always an appreciative vibe, and they just gently pet me. I don't mind this, because they're friends and I know that they want me to be happy.

Last night, I met up with some old friends I haven't seen in a few years. I told them I was hoping to grow long and I showed them my current length. They oohed and awed, and told me it looks pretty and hoped that I reach my goal. I got lots of indulgent smiles and one told me "When you reach your goal, keep growing. Let's see how far you can get!" and it was cool.


Whenever I read how people get negative comments, I feel bad for them. It's like, wow, I've been pretty sheltered. All this time, I only get happy thoughts and encouragement, while others get harassed over something they value. :(

[BranwenWolf]

My only regret is that I didn't stand up for myself when I was younger... my mom went to this hair salon in the mall, and while she was getting a perm or whatever I'd check in now and then. The stylists there were unbelievably rude to me and I said nothing... I hated them all. My mom didn't do anything either.
Other people used to yank on my hair or braids and I still didn't stand up for myself.

Those days are over. I wear manly clothes, I walk funny, I don't interest myself in super-girly things, and I don't give a damn. I'm easy to spot in my school department because of the long hair, and I'm usually off by myself. I've danced to my own drum for so long I just don't notice anymore. If anyone wants to comment or dares to touch me, I'm coming out with guns blazing.

[Bene]

My only regret is that I didn't stand up for myself when I was younger... my mom went to this hair salon in the mall, and while she was getting a perm or whatever I'd check in now and then. The stylists there were unbelievably rude to me and I said nothing... I hated them all. My mom didn't do anything either.
Other people used to yank on my hair or braids and I still didn't stand up for myself.

Those days are over. I wear manly clothes, I walk funny, I don't interest myself in super-girly things, and I don't give a damn. I'm easy to spot in my school department because of the long hair, and I'm usually off by myself. I've danced to my own drum for so long I just don't notice anymore.



If I'm ever in your neck of the woods, you tell me where that salon is, and I'll go in and make nasty comments to them, and roll my eyes at them, possibly talk their customers out of going there. I'll stand outside and say "I heard about this woman who went here, and they burned all her hair off. Isn't that a shame?"


I can hold a grudge, even if it's not my own :D

[friskybiznus]

I don't have long hair to really impress anyone but myself. That is not to say I don't like the compliments and I don't like when my hair does impress people, but I am not doing it for them. I am doing it for me.

What does bother me is when people give me unwanted advice: cut it, bleach it, dye it, layer it, fry it, conform, conform conform!!!! Bleh

Yes!! You took the words right out of my mouth, Little Orca! :D

[DMARTINEZ]

No one likes my hair. I have never had a single hair complement. My Mother tries to convince me to cut it, reminding me of "how pretty" I use to be with short hair, my daughter convinced me to dye it red and it ruined my hair last Jan, which will now take me a long time to re-coup. She insisted that I "at least give it some colour". My husband doesn't like it either, saying I am too old to have long hair. heaven forbid if I get a tangle and have to work it, because he's right there offering to cut it all off for me.

I don't give a rats patooty what anyone thinks, although it does hurt my feelings on the inside that anyone would want to be negative to me when I do not fish for compliments to begin with. Sometimes I feel very alone in my love of long hair and rarely let anyone see it down in my family. When I wash my hair, I love combing it out and feeling the silkiness. It has become a "thing" for me alone.

As my husband and I live in a truck, I notice that when I comb out my hair in the restroom in the mornings, I get no comments either. Perhaps I am considered a freak at my age. I am not young enough for it to be sexy and not old enough for it to be novel. I don't know why. As an aside, one day I saw a trucker in a turban. We were parked next to each other, so there is little privacy until we put up our curtain. I was amazed when he unwound his turban and waist length hair came tumbling down! He combed it over his head and wound it back up in the turban. I felt like a peeping tomasina, but I sure did appreciate knowing some one else had long hair and that they too kept it sort of a secret. That's how I feel, like my hair is a secret only I know.

This is a sad subject for me.

I hope your husband comes around one day! Im sure your hair is lovely! I hear ya on the
too old to be sexy but not old enough to be novel....sigh.We are in the middle! lol ;)

[BranwenWolf]

If I'm ever in your neck of the woods, you tell me where that salon is, and I'll go in and make nasty comments to them, and roll my eyes at them, possibly talk their customers out of going there. I'll stand outside and say "I heard about this woman who went here, and they burned all her hair off. Isn't that a shame?"


I can hold a grudge, even if it's not my own :D


It was a Penney's salon, and the staff all had those bizarre bleached/spiked haircuts. (they were all 40 or 50 somethings) The manager would go "snip snip" every time he walked past. Bleach/spike lady that was doing mom's hair looked at my (classic) length, gave this prim little sniff, and said "she needs a haircut" like she was the know-it-all goddess of hair. It makes me angry to this day.

Thank God my mother has given up perms and coloring. Being a cynical wench now, I'd probably deck someone if I had to go in there again.

When I needed a trim in summer (before I quit trimming and at last got a handle on buns) the most lovely stylist trimmed my hair at Great Clips, which is probably 1/3 the price of the other place. She kept commenting on how thick and healthy it was.

[Alethia]

People rarely comment on my hair, but then that's probably because I rarely wear it down and it's so thin that when it's up it doesn't look like there's anything impressive there. The only time people comment is when my hair's come loose and I have to put it back up again. It's now a bit longer than mid thigh.

My daughter did say that my silver streaks look like highlights I'm a Renegray, though I haven't joined the LHC group yet).

I don't really care what people think of my hair because I like it, it's easy to care for, versatile and unusual. Which represents me perfectly actually. :D

[GlassEyes]

It hasn't really bothered me yet.

I played a trick recently on Facebook where I pretended to chop off all my hair, and I did get a comment on how I 'look better' with shorter hair. I could really care less--I think I look better with long hair, and that's all that matters to me (for the moment) and anyone else can go have intimate relations with a cactus.

That said, it might bother me when my hair gets noticebly long, but it'll just give me more of a reason to sharpen my tongue on people's hides. Oh, how I LOVE doing that--yet I'm so shy around others I hardly get to do it. Someone insults my looks, however, and it'll be a lovely little metaphorical bloodbath. :twisted:

[inty]

I have had not-a-very-short hair all my life. Usually it was somewhere around APL. Everyone who knows me knows me with a hair like this. I had an odd 3 years when I had a pixie. During these years my family and friends kept asking why I cut it, "it was also nice when it was longer", why don't I start growing it again, etc, etc. It was a positive attention that I liked.
I cut it because it was falling out a lot after pregnancies, and I couldn't stand having so little hair anymore. In a short cut it curled up beatifully and was more bearable for me, I looked very much like my mom was at my age, whose look I like, too.

Now I am growing it again and noone really notices, except from maybe few people saying I'm now back to being myself again. :)

[kiana]

It depends on my mood. But mostly no, I really don't care. I get irritated when I get comments about how once you become a mother it's somehow "inappropriate" to have long hair, I really don't know why it is. I think some people equate long hair with with sex for some reason. But mostly I just don't pay attention to people who say anything about it.
i totally agree with u!!!

[pepperminttea]

I don't care enough to change my hair - I grow it for me, not for them - but the negative comments do bother me. Generally people are kind (especially old ladies), but there are occasional people who can say something small and it'll get under my skin.

[karli]

I like to think that I don`t care about what others think. But if I was told that I should get a haircut ten times a day, who knows?

I just got my self a new pair of glasses. I didn`t go with the ones I prefered, but the second best. Why? My favourites made dd cry and nine out of ten friends told me that I looked like a mean old lady( the tenth was my dad, I`ve never asked him about advice considering how I look before)
They wasn`t fond of my second choice either, but they thought they might get used to them.

Well, I am more vane than I like to think, and I got friends that are honest

[masterofmidgets]

If people do have negative things to say, they don't say it to my face, so I don't really care. I won't know and I can't stop it if people are talking about me behind my back, so what's the point in getting worried about it? I'm happy with myself, and that's what matters.

If someone was saying hurtful/rude things to my face, it would probably upset me, especially if it was someone whose opinion I cared about. But all the people in my life are used to the fact that I'm a weirdo by now, so they just go along with it. :D

(there were a couple months where my mom decided I ought to donate to LoL and kept hassling me about it, but after I explained to her that I didn't think it was the best charity and that the pressure made me uncomfortable, she let it go. I love my mom.)

[Wicked Princess]

No, I don't care what others think of my hair, but then again I don't get negative comments. I keep it the way I like it, when I stop liking it I might change it.

It is just hair, you know. Not my life or my personality. Yes, I am easily identified because of my hair (the long haired one), but it is not who I am. Nor does my hair need special support from my friends and family. ;)

I really like this. I feel this way often. :flower:

I love my hair, and I love the LHC, but I don't really include it in a list of descriptors I would use to define myself.

I don't remember ever having a negative comment on my hair. If there has been one, it wasn't to my face. I've had negative comments made about something I was wearing, about something I had decorated with, or about something I said I liked - none of those comments bothered me at all so I am going to assume this applies to negative hair comments, too.

Usually, people seem impressed but have a "that looks so good on her, but I wouldn't do it" attitude. Which is perfectly legitimate. :D

My family is very supportive of me growing my hair out!

The only thing that bothers me is if someone "admires" it so much they feel the need to touch it! This has only happened once since I was younger, and I didn't appreciate it at all.

[twolunarspring]

I don't care at all what other people think of my hair. It definitely *does* bother me, though, when people give unasked-for negative opinions or even insults in some cases, because it is rude and disrespectful.

[Little_Bird]

You know, negative coments rain from everywhere, they come from all directions and from all kinds of persons, but they can have diferent meanings. I don't care about negative comments, because they are never constructive...

I've had to deal with tons of negative coments on my clothes, way of talking, way of walking, way of whatever, and specially my hair, but I am so proud for being who I am that the only coments I care about are the ones I give on my mirror!...

:p;)

[twolunarspring]

This is a sad subject for me.

Oh, I really want to give you a big hug :(

[Carolyn]

No, I'm definitely not growing it for anyone but me. I'm not looking for compliments or attention. I've very few negative comments in my life. But I've also had just a few compliments. Those have been very nice and took me by surprise. As a child my hair was kept in a dorky bob. My parents didn't like short hair. My mom didn't like it when I grew it long. She said so a few times when I was just out of college. She also hated my shoulder length permed hair. I just couldn't win :rolleyes: Later on she didn't say much. I've never gotten any of what I would call support for my long hair choice. Other than here at LHC of course. I really don't know what others think of my hair and I don't care to know. I keep my mouth shut when my friends wear things I think are dreadful. I have a friend who wears Crocs all the time. I think they are hideous and she looks like a clown but I'd never say anything.

It's nice to be at a place in life where I don't give a crap about what people think. I do what I want, wear what I want, and have long hair because I love it. It never ceases to amaze me that someone would care about how someone else wears their hair.

[Elphie]

I'm not the type of person who generally cares what other people think. If a comment is constructive, I'll take it under advisement, but if it's just meant to be hurtful I'm likely to comeback at them with something snippy.

That being said, I don't think anyone has ever said anything negative about my hair. I mean, I'll ask my sister if my ends look ok or if it looks greasy and she'll be honest about it, but she's not trying to be hurtful so that's fine. I do get lots of positive compliments which can be nice. Most people who know me view me as growing my hair back considering it was long for most of my life. Perhaps that makes a difference in their opinion; this is how they are used to seeing me.

[Elenna]

I haven't read all of your comments. Some of you really surprise me.

I've gotten the "you need to color and cut" comments. My hair isn't in good condition right now; however, with all the silver growing and showing, I'm getting a surprise amount of "your hair is pretty comments." It is so weird. Never dreamed that silver color would evoke such reactions.

I've been through so much grief about rejection and negative comments about my hearing impairment, looks, etc. So it is nice to have something positive going on.

[Niftytiffs]

I dont think I have ever had a negative hair comment but I think if I did I'd just smile sweetly at them then go about my own business and ignore them. I get the odd compliment from some of the people at work which I must admit I love :) I dont "need" them though, I grow my hair for me alone and it really doesnt bother me if I do or dont get comments.

I did get a couple of compliments about my hair though that I've never forgotten :D It was when I used to henna my hair and it really glowed! I was getting off a bus and had my hair completely loose. It was about tail length at the time and I overheard a little girl say "Wow Mummy! That ladies hair is so pretty". Another time I was doing some LRP and I as told my hair looked like a red gold haze around my hair. The chap who said it actually did a double take at the time!

Tiffers

[alys]

Darkhorse, I too have been curious about this for a bit. I feel that a hurtful comment, no matter what part of the person it is aimed at, is hurtful.
But at the same time, I can't remember the last time someone said something rude to me about my hair? If someone were to ask me, for example, how long it took me to braid my hair, or did I make that bun or braid myself, I wouldn' t be hurt by that. I wouldn't think that person is ignorant because they don't know that braiding is easy, especially the longer the hair. If I had really long hair and someone asked me to touch it, I would probably say no, but for personal reasons relating to germs. But I would completely understand why they wanted to touch it, - because it's beautiful. So to me it would be a complement.

[hanne jensen]

I have already gotten negative comments about my hair length, and it just brushes my shoulders! Comments like "long hair at your age! You should cut it, you'd look so much younger". Or, my favorite: "long hair with grey streaks looks ridiculous!"
Why do people think MY hair is for public comment?

[above_rubies]

I guess I always have cared what people think, because I have cut it many times in my life even though I LOVE long hair. When I was a kid I was more true to myself because I always kept it long regardless of what people said.

Now, I have decided to keep my hair long for me. I will admit that even though I love long hair, I think I look better with bob length hair. I have a longish face and it looks better when I have soft hair framing it. Oh well, I'm going to work on arranging my front hair a little prettier when I do my updos. And try to remember to wear earrings more.

My mom was admiring my hair last time I visited her and she said she wouldn't cut it for anything, she would love to have her long hair back. So, I'm grateful for her support.

My husband isn't crazy about my long hair because it gets in the way sometimes and he's OCD about hair being everywhere. I'll have to remind him how much money I've saved by not going to the hairdresser. Saving money is the way to his heart. :p

[above_rubies]

I have already gotten negative comments about my hair length, and it just brushes my shoulders! Comments like "long hair at your age! You should cut it, you'd look so much younger". Or, my favorite: "long hair with grey streaks looks ridiculous!"
Why do people think MY hair is for public comment?

Don't pay any attention to them. I was at a craft fair yesterday and out of thousands of people I only noticed one lady with long silver hair and she looked way prettier and younger than all the rest. Of course I'm sure there was more than one, I was paying more attention to the crafts than the people. :)

[DMARTINEZ]

I guess I always have cared what people think, because I have cut it many times in my life even though I LOVE long hair. When I was a kid I was more true to myself because I always kept it long regardless of what people said.

Now, I have decided to keep my hair long for me. I will admit that even though I love long hair, I think I look better with bob length hair. I have a longish face and it looks better when I have soft hair framing it. Oh well, I'm going to work on arranging my front hair a little prettier when I do my updos. And try to remember to wear earrings more.

My mom was admiring my hair last time I visited her and she said she wouldn't cut it for anything, she would love to have her long hair back. So, I'm grateful for her support.

My husband isn't crazy about my long hair because it gets in the way sometimes and he's OCD about hair being everywhere. I'll have to remind him how much money I've saved by not going to the hairdresser. Saving money is the way to his heart. :p


This sounds alot like me....I probably look better with a bob,,but I just love having long
hair. My hubs loves me any way I wear my hair,and he does like that it is saving on $$. ;)
Ive decided to work at looking better in updos also,which includes a layered hemline (for downdos) and slight face framers for updos! I always wear earrings!

Deb

[Rivanariko]

I've never been particularly concerned with what other people think of my appearance. Never been into fashion or clothes, never worn make-up, whatever. On that note, I don't think I've ever received what I would consider a truly negative comment on my hair. My riding instructor when I was younger used to get after me about leaving it down during my lessons, but that was more a professional image, as well as giving her a better view of my position. Plus it was always getting in my way :-P. One of my best friends has been trying to convince me to cut it to a bob since we were about 12. I don't think she seriously thinks I ever will, though, it's more just a running joke anymore.

The bottom line, though, is my hair is for me. It is my one "girly" vanity, my one personal allowance, something that I do for no other reason than it makes me feel pretty, whatever anyone else thinks (and I've gotten plenty of compliments on it, over the past several years).

Of course, I also don't make a big deal out of it. If someone else brings up the topic of hair, I'll chime in, but I don't bring it up. I don't tell people what they should do (I think it sometimes, but never say anything) and since my hair is back or up 90% of the time, no one really seems to notice it. It's not long by LHC standards, but it's only a few inches away from hip.

I think the best way to deal with people giving unwanted suggestions is probably just to smile and thank them for the suggestion. No reason to drag it out into something bigger unless they insist on it. Try to change the subject.

[Toadstool]

I have already gotten negative comments about my hair length, and it just brushes my shoulders! Comments like "long hair at your age! You should cut it, you'd look so much younger". Or, my favorite: "long hair with grey streaks looks ridiculous!"
Why do people think MY hair is for public comment?

That is what I really hate. The same as with my body. The other day I was in a social situation where a very petite girl started declaiming on the size of my bum. i mean she really went on and on about how huge it was (I believe it's a fairly average size) and how she wished hers wasn't so small etc etc.
I just said thank you and she said would I rather she didn't mention such things, and I said deadpan I doubted she would be able to stop herself.:rolleyes:
The next minute a conversation starts up between a man and some women about hip to waist ratio and the man reassures me he likes big bums in women.???
Hullo??
Do I need your reassurance? Do I care what you find attractive?
No, in fact what I would like as a woman is to be able to walk down the street without men or women assessing me and rating me on my physical appearance be it hair, body, clothing choices, whatever.
OKay rant over.

[Yozhik]

I want my long hair back (that I had when I was a teen) so desperately that I've begun having dreams about it being long. My BF is extremely supportive, which makes me feel good, although I have been experiencing some issues with greasiness, or should I say not-as-cleanness, from reducing the washes and cutting down on SLS. That being said, I'm so dead-set on getting long hair that I don't think anyone's negative comments would get to me, although a really close friend keeps on trying to convince me to get a bob because it "looked so cute."

[Igor]

I simply don’t understand why people feel pressured to cut and colour from other people

Isn’t the first lesson in kindergarten to be proud of yourself and your differences?

Are the people who feel the pressure also running out to change their phone service, their car, the newest shoes, the “right” cola over the pressure form ads as well?

Why is hair so different to a lot of people? Why aren’t the friendship board flooded with threads about “peer pressure” to lose weight, change your makeup, change your clothes, etc etc?

Yep, I simply don’t get it

It’s my body and my hair and I like it the way it is :rolleyes: