Why are people so blind?

[shortgoinglong]

Just a little mini rant here. Like I've said in other posts, I've never really took care of my hair. Recently, since deciding to grow it out, I've stopped blowdrying, dyeing, shampooed less often, conditioned more, and no longer use hairspray. My mother in law and I are both kind of growing out pixie haircuts together. She has thick, shiny hair that would be gorgeous if she would change her hair routine of using 2 in 1 shampoos, blowdrying, tons of hairspray, etc. I figured it was not any of my business what she chooses to do so I never brought it up. While visiting today, she exclaimed "Honey, what have you been doing to your hair? It looks so shiny and healthy!" I explained all of my changes made and she looked at me like I'm crazy. :confused: "You can't do that," she said, "All that conditioner will make your hair greasy! And you have to wash more often! And how will you have body without hairspray?" My hair, that minutes ago was so 'healthy and shiny' now is 'dirty and greasy'? People have been so blinded by the beauty industry. Oh well, from now on I keep my hair secrets to myself!

[Speckla]

I just think they only hear no shampoo or no heat or whatever and think 'dirty'. I don't worry anymore. I've been no poo or only occasional poo for a while and I just don't say anything unless someone really ask what I've been using. I just say Aussie or whatever brand and don't mention just conditioner unless they ask what type of Aussie shampoo or whatever brand. A lot of people have watched the transformation of my hair over the last year and are starting to agree that it works great for me but they don't think it'd work on their hair. oh well. Don't sweat it.

[natt i nord]

I think I can call myself lucky, as I have friends that understand and see why my hair is that healthier and softer than theirs.
But yes, I know what you mean. Seeing adverts of conditioner that say "repairs hair up to the ends!!" I could... - I won't finish that sentence ;)
The worst - everyone believes it.

[darkwaves]

I've learned that no one IRL cares what I am doing with my hair. No one. Ever.

Those who ask questions aren't looking for an honest answer -- they are either trying to find something to say, or they are looking for a miracle product. So if you nod and say sagely, "I use honey and vinegar" -- they'll back quickly away... But say "the Aveda Dry Remedy Moisturing line*" and they'll move in for further information.

(* and no, I don't use this -- it dried my hair! My daughter was glad to finish the bottles, though... She loves it when I experiment -- with commercial products.)

[spidermom]

Cling to the "so shiny and healthy!" compliment, discard the rest. That was a pretty quick switcheroo she pulled on you; it's kind of comical.

[enfys]

It's easier to buy something in the chemist or supermarket, and it's what people know now. It's the mainstream thing.

If people ask what I do I'll say things that are still normal sounding. "I use lots of conditioner" is fine, as is "I never use straighteners" because most people are aware of the damage they do. I never go into real, full detail if I can avoid it.

You'll get used to how much information to give away and how much to hold back. For now, just encourage her to keep growing, and maybe the rest will follow.

[mbaker223]

When people say things like that you just have to put yourself in their shoes.

Try to remember what you initially thought when you heard people here did not use shampoo at all.... Just gotta give people time.

Also I think I should add that she isn't saying your hair is dirty and greasy, what she's really saying is,"If I did that routine, my hair would be dirty and greasy"

[Tinose]

One thing I'd remember is that there's a fair number of people who would prefer their hair to be squeaky clean than have dirt on it ever. Since a large part of having healthy hair seems to be having something coating the hair to protect it, they're never going to switch over. Sure, their hair's probably liberally coated in silicones, but silicones from shampoo sound a lot cleaner than oil or conditioner silicones, and for some people that's going to be way more important than the actual health of their hair.

I'd just say something along the lines of "Conditioner actually contains the exact same cleaning ingredients that are in shampoo, except they're gentler on your hair" and proceed to either dodge the subject or explain more depending on my mood. I know just enough about basic chemistry that I can give a basic chemistry explanation of why my current routine works, and I am perfectly willing to explain at excessive length if people start annoying me with "...Is that really clean?" Rude questions get detailed answers until they're the ones who want to run away :p

[Toadstool]

.

I'd just say something along the lines of "Conditioner actually contains the exact same cleaning ingredients that are in shampoo, except they're gentler on your hair" :p
But they don't do they? I thought most shampoos contain sodium laureth sulphate and most conditioners don't?:confused:

[linda g]

That is comical. The last time I got a trim, the hairdresser was raving over the condition of my hair, how great the "slip" was when he put a comb through it... until I told him about using henna and no heat styling. By the end of the appointment he was advising chemical colors, blow drying to smooth it out, etc. Um, ok. Everything that had given me bad hair texture before. Oh well.

[Fractalsofhair]

I generally explain it to friends who ask, but I still use rather mainstream products.(Soap based shampoo(now in bar form), conditioner, CO wash about every other wash, SLS once a week, soap the rest of the time, and oils). I generally say things like, I use coconut oil like a shine serum, and olive oil like a hot oil treatment. However, a lot of strangers(or "peers") tend to say very rude things upon hearing things like I don't bleach my hair. A lot of guys do use soap on their hair/body wash, so it makes sense.

But a lot of women are just very confused in general. Saying wash your hair every 3 days and use conditioner on the others sounds a lot easier to do than to "only use conditioner", since a lot of people have at one point in their lives skipped 1 day of washing, and even hairstyle ideas in magazines say do this the day after you wash.

In regards to the cleansing stuff in conditioners. Most contain surfactants, though different ones than SLS. That's why conditioner rinses clean. Also, the emulsifiers do give a bit of a cleansing property to conditioner. It's certainly not even soap in terms of how good at cleaning it is(removing oil), but really, most of us don't need our hair stripped clean.

[Aries_jb]

I've had this exact same moment with my mother! She had just finished telling me how shiny and beautiful my hair was, and then when I told her I haven't used commercial shampoo in over two years (using CV shampoo bars instead), she told me that my hair is going to fall out if I don't use shampoo. She stopped saying that when she saw me and my sister side by side and notice how dull, stripped, and lifeless my sister's hair looks. Now she tells me to help my sister.

I don't talk about my routine with other people, and if they ever ask, I just credit my latest conditioner. It's quick, it's simple, and it's something they can wrap their heads around.

[Tinose]

But they don't do they? I thought most shampoos contain sodium laureth sulphate and most conditioners don't?:confused:

I will admit I kinda suck at shampoo and conditioners since I don't use them and honestly, trying to remember what something called something like hydroxyethylcellulose actually does is pretty much necer going to happen. But my understanding is that most very cheap conditioners contain something cleansing in them. SLS isn't the only cleanser.

But I just googled all the ingredients in Suave conditioner as an example of something cheap and didn't see anything labelled as a cleanser, so I was probably mistaken. Whoops :o

[Carolyn]

You did right in not saying anything until asked. Next time just offer fewer details. Be kind of vague about what you do and what you use and don't use. Most people would like you to tell them that you go to X's Salon and use the X line of products and that's why your hair is twice as thick and growing twice as fast. A very few will be interested in serious, long term, long hair care. Don't feel like it's your job to educate those who chose not to go down the LHC long hair care path.

[adiapalic]

That seems like the hugest bias ever-- "You hair is beautiful what do you do?" "[insert methods alternative to commercial hair care here]" "Eeek! Greasy hair!"

Next time, I would say, "Oh, well... I guess my hair is just naturally this beautiful!" :) :flower:

[shwankie]

I have been there, too. I get stopped on the street for my hair, and I've learned these people do not want the real answer any more than they do when they ask me how I stay in shape and young-looking. They want the easy, commercial, quick answer.

When I've told people I use jojoba oil, for example, as a shine product and moisturizer, they will tell me how greasy and limp my hair will be (having moments earlier literally stopped me on a public street to compliment my hair). If I say I rinse my hair in white vinegar and cold water, they freak out totally and tell me my hair will fall out, or I'll smell like a pickle. When told, in answer to the question of what colorant I use, that this is my natural color, I get "Oh, it can't be! If you don't want to tell me, you can just say so!":rolleyes: Etc. Etc. I can't even imagine what they'd say if I told them I used a "bar soap" on my hair!

Like others have said, I just don't give details anymore. People stop me, compliment me on my hair, and ask what I use, I just say "oh, lots of conditioner. I forget the brand name right now...I get it off the internet."

[katydid317]

I think it would be a lot to expect people to just discard these notions immediately but I definitely do think it's ridiculous that they can be complimenting the results one minute and then trashing the routine that got you those results the next. I would just keep what you tell them to a minimum unless you feel like arguing your point. There's lots I've been reading about here that my automatic reaction to is "ew really?" just because it contradicts what I think I "know" about hair care.

Just keep doing what's working for you and forget what anyone says about it. You're getting good results so who cares what they say about how you're getting them.

[shortgoinglong]

I think my MIL is from the squeaky clean hair camp. She thinks her hair is so dirty and ugly if she skips washing a day. She has beautiful dark wavy hair that looks great when moisturized but she won't even use a conditioner. When she had surgury on her arms and I washed her hair for her I'd always give her a conditioner rinse after shampooing and she was horrified. Her hair looked wonderful but she never would change her mind. lol I imagine her horror if she saw me with conditioner on my hair for over an hour soaking!

[embee]

Yes, I can't tell people that I only wash my hair once every couple of *weeks*.... and that one winter I went SO for months and another winter I went WO. They'd not let me eat with them or ride in their car, they'd be sure I had bugs or something. So funny.

My mom had long hair (waist) and she washed twice per *year*: the first warm sunny spring day and what she thought might be the last warm sunny fall day. Then she'd sit in the garden in the sun with her hair down, drying. Bet she didn't share her hair care routine with her poodle-cut helmet-hair friends, either! ;)

[Amraann]

I have had people legitimately ask what I do to keep my hair so long and healthy.
When it is a legit question I will answer honestly.

I think your MIL is just from that generation that believes they must over wash their hair and be hair product slaves.

[Xandergrammy]

Cling to the "so shiny and healthy!" compliment, discard the rest. That was a pretty quick switcheroo she pulled on you; it's kind of comical.



I agree with spidermom. It's funny that so many people are brainwashed about what good hair care is.

[Merewen]

I judge how much I say on a case-by-case basis. For example, my fiance has a pretty good idea what my routine is. Not sure if he knows about the CO thing yet, but I'm sure he will soon. I'll share small pieces of information with people who seem to be in a position where it would help them/seem interested, but I don't share with many people. I've been surprised with how little problem I've had though. Don't know if it's where I live or what, but friends close enough to share with seem to understand well enough. Even my cousins said they don't wash their hair everyday because it's bad for it (the same ones who tried to teach me years ago to shampoo my hair over and over til it literally squeaked.:rolleyes:) The only person who seems to think I'm really nuts is my mom but she tries not to say anything. Maybe this is something that varies place to place as well?

[Sheltie_Momma]

Moms and MILS are funny, I think because they feel they should be the ones telling the daughters/daughter in laws stuff and not the other way around. We were reading our chinese calendar horoscopes (year of the rat, pig or what have you) for fun and mine said "You love to pamper yourself" and she said "Oh that is you all right!" and I thought what? I am a busy Mom that keeps things simple, I don't do a lot for myself. And she says - "Oh well I meant your HAIR, you know, you pamper your hair". LOL - I found this hilarious, she washes and dries and hot rolls and teases and sprays everyday. I do like a fraction of that! I think that it makes people mad, like we are cheating by having a simple, inexpensive, less frequent routine, yet have nice shiny hair.

[katydid317]

I think your MIL is just from that generation that believes they must over wash their hair and be hair product slaves.

Is that just one generation? I feel like those people are still the majority. Or at least the people who can't live without heat styling appliances are.

[Flynn]

But they don't do they? I thought most shampoos contain sodium laureth sulphate and most conditioners don't?:confused:

True. The "detergent" component of a conditioner is only to keep the components in a nice, creamy emulsion, but the detergent in shampoo (SLS or otherwise) is intended to pick up grease from whatever it is applied to. The actual chemicals used are very different.

The same type of chemicals (i.e. surfactants) are used, which is why a lot of people find that CO does work.

[RancheroTheBee]

Is that just one generation? I feel like those people are still the majority. Or at least the people who can't live without heat styling appliances are.

I actually agree with you. I remember reading a Yahoo! question where a girl asked what kind of conditioner she could use to wash her hair. The answers were usually thinly-veiled declarations of horror that if you didn't use shampoo, your scalp would get crusty, your hair will turn hard and then fall out. The answers for the girl who wanted to find out ways to stop washing her hair were even worse.

Obviously, Yahoo! Answers is a pretty poor example. But I know a lot of people who whine about the state of their ends and then tell me they use a flat-iron once or twice a day.

[Paliele]

A lady in my community heard (through my mom) that I don't use commercial products and she came and asked me specifically what I did. She and her daughters have chemical sensitivities and she wanted to know what I did to keep my hair clean. I had no problem going into detail about what I did (I was using Baking Soda and ACV rinses at the time, but have moved on in my experimental process). She tried it and loved it. I tend more to the proselyting end of the spectrum rather than the "give vague answers unless they are very persistent" end, but then again I'm commonly known as being rather odd and untraditional. :D

[QueenAnne'sLace]

I know exactly how you feel. One minute it's "Oh your hair is so long and pretty" and then "eww you only shower once a week???"
Sheesh. :shrug:

[JamieLeigh]

I don't tell anyone what I do either, unless they ask. I have gotten raised eyebrows from my family, who have been in my house and bathroom and know what I use and don't use, but so far that's really it. Unless I've just forgotten it. Really, stuff like that is water off my back - I don't pay attention to it. For every person who thinks negatively about my long hair, I can think of at least 200 who like it. (I love the internet, lol...) :p

Just ignore her and don't let her bug you. Let her do things her way, and you do things your way. Odds are, she will have to do more cutting since she isn't taking as good care of hers as you do yours, and you will be on the top in the end! :D

[JamieLeigh]

I think that it makes people mad, like we are cheating by having a simple, inexpensive, less frequent routine, yet have nice shiny hair.

Sorry for the double post, but I had to agree and laugh with this comment. My sentiments, EXACTLY. :D

[Yavene]

When people say things like that you just have to put yourself in their shoes.

Try to remember what you initially thought when you heard people here did not use shampoo at all.... Just gotta give people time.
Well, call me weird, but I don't get that denial reaction. When I hear something like that I go "huh, really?" and try to find out more / test it for myself.

It's definitely annoying when people plain deny what you're saying, but without getting their view challenged they're not going to change it. If you don't feel like starting an argument, how about directing them to LHC? Then those who care enough to look it up could figure it out for themselves.

[Avital88]

I also dont tell anybody, even if i tell people they will look funny.At work they said: oohh your hair grows soo much! how do you do it and then they say on a nasty tone: she is not using straighteners and takes better care for her hair now..like its a weird thing:s
the weird thing is: they want their hair to grow, but they dont take any advice,ornot even willing to try it for a month.."sigh" some people..

[Viechen]

Ha, I got that same reaction when I told a friend of mine that the reason my hair has become shiny and healthy is because I have started to use coconut oil and cut out anything else (I never heatstyled, etc to begin with) except shampoo and conditioner... She nearly choked when I told her I can stretch washes to aproximately once a week unless I go to the gym and even then I just rinse it quickly...

[Henrietta]

Yeah... After some time on LHC we become used to some things but people still can be shocked when we tell them we don't use blowdryers, we wash our hair with conditioner or put coconut oil on it. ("Food?!!!!! Are you putting FOOD on your hair?!!!")

And this is the mean life. When you want to share your experience and help someone it turns out that you're crazy. Especially in case of hair. At the beginning I wanted to tell my friends about CO, CWC, coconut oil, BBB... But it doesn't make sense.

[Anywhere]

because squeaky clean cleanliness is whats "in" at the moment... and for people who do shampoo every day their hair would get greasy if they instantly switched to your routine.

[LaurelSpring]

So what if they dont listen. Time will tell. The best revenge is beautiful hair!

[ddiana1979]

People sometimes ask me if I blow dry or flat iron my hair straight (if i brush it with a BBB after it's dried, it looks like 1a).

Me: "Uh, no, it's just straight. That's what it does. I've never, ever used a flat iron, and I don't blow dry."

Them: "You don't blow dry your hair? How does it get dry?" *look of horror*

Me: "Evaporation? God? I don't know what you're looking for here."

ETA: One woman actually told me I'd grow mold in my hair if I didn't blow dry. *snicker*

[Fethenwen]

I actually like to chock people a little bit with what I do :rolling: I don't mind raised eyebrows. So I usually tell my full blown story just to see their reactions.

[craftybunn]

I've learned that no one IRL cares what I am doing with my hair. No one. Ever.

I had to learn this the hard way. When I first found this site I tried to share all I was seeing and reading about with my DH. When I started measuring and asking him to take pictures of the back of my head, he had a sit down talk with me. Now I just don't talk about it. I spend my free time on a hair care forum. I know many who use their free time for far worse things.

[Xandergrammy]

Cling to the "so shiny and healthy!" compliment, discard the rest. That was a pretty quick switcheroo she pulled on you; it's kind of comical.




I agree with everything spidermom said.

[ScarlettAdelle]

Because people have been taught that you must wash your hair every day or it'll get oily and be a greasy, dirty rats nest, which, as you've discovered is entirely untrue unless you work a job where your hair, skin & nails get filthy each day.

I'm an ex hairdresser, and I can tell you I got to the point with some of my girls where I made them promise me they wouldn't wash it every day. I had what I called hair boot camp where I taught them everything from how to select / use their styling tools & products to how to give themselves a scalp massage and how to select shampoos & conditioners. It's tough, though because people don't want to listen.

[RitaPG]

People have been so blinded by the beauty industry.
This. Exactly.


I've learned it the hard way too. Unless people are genuinely trying to grow out their hair, they will never care or research a little about changing their routine. Not everything is about the most advertised or expensive products (my favorite ones are actually cheaper)
You should see people's faces, when you tell them that natural products, like aple cider vinegar and coconut/olive oil, can be used on hair. Older generations know and might swear by it (my mom knows about my routines and she "approves") but kids my age, as far as they know, it's "just shampoo and conditioner" ;)
Two classmates of mine looked at me like I was an alien the other day, when I told them I don't have a blowdrier, nor a straightening device. Never had.

People love to always be right, and think they know everything. You might as well keep the knowlege to yourself :)

[grrlshapedthing]

I guess cause I just sing the praises so loudly and adamantly and respond to the buts with "Yes that's what I thought once but now I would never go back.." and praise it more. One woman who was originally HORRIFIED at my regime now is on something similar and we now both go out to "convert the masses"

[prosperina]

I was thinking about this while I was in the shower shoveling handfuls of conditionner on to my hair. The weird thing about people asking for advice is that don't realize it's not one size fits all. I can't get enough cones or moisture, basically stuff that weighs down my hair. I'd hate for someone with silky fine hair to follow my advice thinking it would work for them.

[deko]

When someone compliments my hair I just blame it on henna and don't go into details. Henna gives the crazy shine to my hair, the rest is everyday care and maintenance.

I use shampoo only once or twice a week, do rinses or CO when needed in between.

[Athena's Owl]

I generally say, "I don't have enough time to explain, it's *very* complicated and it takes more time than most people want to spend."

[CurlAhead]

When I said I use the CO method, I got an answer like "My friend is a hairdresser, I think she knows way more about hair than you do!"
And when I cut my hair at a hairdresser/salon I told her I don't use shampoo, and she said that my hair won't get "clean" if I don't. Well, excuse me but my hair was pretty darn "clean", especially at that moment. Then she used some creepy silicone in my hair, that took me 4(!!) shampoo-washes to get out of my hair.
I have given up trying to explain how conditioner can clean your hair, what silicones do etcetc. :(

[Dragon]

I have only told one person my routine and he now co washes and oils his hair. My parents know I oil but they don’t say anything or look at me weird.

[dropinthebucket]

People have been so blinded by the beauty industry. Oh well, from now on I keep my hair secrets to myself!

And keeping in mind that the beauty "industry" is only just over 100 years old! People have always sought beauty, but the multinational corporations that now sell it to us via products and aggressive marketing campaigns only sprang into existence early in the last century, and only gained the media to become so influential a few decades later than that.

[Braidy]

This whole thing reminds me of a philosophy class I had about a month ago. It was about how since the Enlightenment (yes the historical period that is) people have tried to improve the world by inventing all kinds of things. To make a long story short, the point was that since about a decade people have taken this invention mania SO far that now it's no longer for the better. Inventing has become a goal on itself with deterioration as a result. Like "why do you use shampoo?" - "Because! You just have to otherwise your hair gets dirty." - "But why? What if you can do things differently? Why would you use shampoo then?" - "Just... because! You have to!" etc. You could apply that to a lot of things like watching tv, overproduction etc. It's brainwashing. Some great philosophers (and some people, like here) are beginning to see that it's just going in the wrong direction, but it will probably still take a lot of time until the whole world realizes.

[Purdy Bear]

I was in exactly the same situation with my nails. An older lady, whos nails were a disaster asked me what I did. I explained my routine and that I felt she was using too much pressure and a sawing motion when seeing to hers.

This caused her to poo poo it, I was pretty smug because my nails were a lot better and her nails continued to be a total mess.

If you hair looks good then dont worry what everyone else says just carry on what your doing.