My first hair insult

[Dachsdragon]

I was visiting my MIL and she asked me what I had been putting in my hair lately because the last few times she has seen me its been greasy looking. :disbelief: I had just washed my hair the morning before and its all lovely and soft and fluffy and its clean looking to me. Not sticking to my head and slicked down or anything. Then I said to DH about MIL's comment and he said my hair always looks greasy since I started this natural washing business. :confused: Im so shocked and don't understand at all. I wash with soapnuts and conditioner. If my hair is dirty it sits flat on my head and doesn't have any body to it which it currently has since I washed it yesterday. The only thing I can think of is because Im not putting hairspray and whatnot in my hair and its natural that they think this is dirty hair. Anyway Im not happy about it and needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

[julliams]

Perhaps take some photos of yourself from all sides and see what you think. If you are happy with the feel (which you say you are) and happy with the look, then there's nothing more to say.

It is frustrating when you are feeling as though you are doing the best thing for your hair and then people make negative remarks. I think I would be annoyed too.

I wonder if your hair has darkened or perhaps the conditioner is making it a little heavier than normal?

At the end of the day it's your hair and if you are happy with your regime and your hair is responding favourably, then stick with it.

Juliette

[Calista]

Actually I don´t think that is a insult. They both just told what your hair looked like to them. It´s take it or leave it; you´re not here to decorate their world.

People in the world outside LHC sometimes have a very different view on what hair should look like. Natural hair that isn´t straightened and siliconed to within an inch of its life and dyed a bright uniform colour looks unkempt to them. Go ahead with what you think is right for you.

Your husband should be supportive of you and what´s important to you, but he should also tell you the truth (like, if you had bad breath, I guess you´d rather he told you? It wouldn´t be an insult, but a plain matter of fact.). So you might want to take up the subject with him and ask him just what he meant by "greasy-looking". Maybe his perception of what clean hair should look like is influenced by society, but maybe your hair really is greasy-looking? Then it´d be nice to know, wouldn´t it? ;)

[ChloeDharma]

Actually I don´t think that is a insult. They both just told what your hair looked like to them. It´s take it or leave it; you´re not here to decorate their world.

People in the world outside LHC sometimes have a very different view on what hair should look like. Natural hair that isn´t straightened and siliconed to within an inch of its life and dyed a bright uniform colour looks unkempt to them. Go ahead with what you think is right for you.

Your husband should be supportive of you and what´s important to you, but he should also tell you the truth (like, if you had bad breath, I guess you´d rather he told you? It wouldn´t be an insult, but a plain matter of fact.). So you might want to take up the subject with him and ask him just what he meant by "greasy-looking". Maybe his perception of what clean hair should look like is influenced by society, but maybe your hair really is greasy-looking? Then it´d be nice to know, wouldn´t it? ;)

I think Calista makes some usefull points here. "greasy looking" can mean different things to different people. Also if your hair looks different than it used to in a more conditioned, smoother etc way some people might just assume it's greasy.
I second the suggestion that you ask your husband to clarify what he meant, in a non-confrontational way though.

[Jadestorm]

I can understand that that's not nice to hear.


People in the world outside LHC sometimes have a very different view on what hair should look like.
I second that.

ask him just what he meant by "greasy-looking".
Yeah, maybe they just see that it's more shiny because it's really healthy now and mistake it for greasy?
I had a period where my hair was really shiny because it was so healthy that it kinda looked like it could
be greasy, but it wasn't. I actually started to use different products so that the extreme shine was
less because you know, I didn't like that people THOUGHT it was greasy while it wasn't.

[Arctic]

I understand how that is upsetting to hear. I had very oily skin and hair as a teen and they're still quite oily. To this day I hate to be seen in a oily hair.

I have not seen your photo/hair so I am not talking about it: While I must say I have seen hair that I consider greasy looking in LHC, I agree with Calista's points thoug!

[hmmm]

-hugs- I'm sure your hair isn't greasy, people say all kinds of things.

[LaurelSpring]

I think you are right. They are not use to the change. If someone is use to seeing your hair with alot of product it is going to look different to them and they may not realize that your hair is just more natural now. Greasy is probably the only word they can think of to say that. When I run into things like that I just take it with a grain of salt and consider the source and keep doing what makes me happy. They will adjust eventually.

[marikamt]

I know when I tried some of the different treatments at the begining of my LHC journey, I got some different results...... I tried stretching washes while using sls and cones and I tried CO ... I DO think my hair got greasy........ not horribly, haven't washed in weeks greasy, but there was a lankness to it.... at the time, I excused it by saying it was just "different", but now that I have found what works for me, I can tell it wasn't good then...... I would have DH or very good friend (NOT mil) tell you the truth about what they see........

[rhubarbarin]

It doesn't sound like they were trying to insult you, although I am not a fan of non-complimentary personal remarks like that..

Do what makes you happy!

[rusika1]

Is it possible that your hair strands near your scalp are sort of clumping together, forming locks? (not sure how to describe it)

That's what mine does if I try washing with conditioner. It's not dirty, and it doesn't feel oily/greasy, and it even has body, but it looks like it needs washing because the hairs are clinging to each other. It looks okay if it's smoothed back and bunned, but it looks very lank while it's loose.

[Finoriel]

Another possibility I can think of is that they are just put off by the thought that ´you don´t wash your hair properly´. The idea of alternative washing methods sometimes is so strange to people that they automatically assume everyone who doen´t wash their hair with shampoo every day must look greasy. Like everyone who does not use shower gel every day is unhygienic and stinks. :shrug: That´s why I usually let people in the dark about my washing routine. Too many conversations like: Eww! Shampoo is washing, anything else is not really washing. Your hair is dirty looking. A surprisingly big amount of people thinks like that, :p thanks to decades of brainwashing shampoo-commercials and people tend to see what they expect to see. No shampoo & shiny hair = oily.

[angelthadiva]

I'm not sure how "educated" people are IRL about hair. I've overheard many a convo about how dry someone's ends were, or how split the ends were or how unruly their hair is. I suppose each is subjective. :shrug:

If my style my hair while it is wet and leave it to air dry (my as per usual method) my hair does look greasy :shrug: as compared to doing a blow dry which as the months get colder I tend to do this a little more at the crown.

I don't know if they meant it to insult you, they were making an observation. You know them better than we do. I'd say, if it does not look greasy to YOU it isn't. If this really bothers you though, I'd suggest asking a good friend who will tell you the truth. After perhaps explaining that you are trying a new wash/condish method and want to know her opinion or something like that...Women love to give their opinion :D so that may be a good segue. :flower:

I'd vote for posting a picture for us to give ours if you feel comfortable doing that. :flowers:

[YoginiCelestial]

Awww dear Dachsdragon,
my heart goes out to you in your unhappiness over unflattering comments from your MIL.
I encourage you to be strong and not be too sad over it. Think positive and find your inner strength to rise above it and you will find your solution.

[mbaker223]

I have an idea to help you get to the bottom of this. In my opinion, I think your focus should be "does my hair regime make my hair look greasy to other people" and here is my idea how to get the answer to that.

Everyone needs to clarify their hair every so often, that's what you need to do, grab yourself some clarifying shampoo and wash your hair and condition it. Then let it air dry. Then walk up to your husband and ask him if he thinks your hair looks greasy. When you have his answer then you are now in complete control of the situation.

If he says yes it does look greasy, then you explain to him that what he was use to seeing is dried out hair from your styling products, and what he sees now is natural hair that is moisturized.

If he says no it's not greasy, then know that at least to him, your hair care regime makes your hair look greasy, and then you can combat that by using different products or longer rinsing times.... or you can JUST tell them that you like your hair, and that it's VERY healthy to you and they can go suck on an apple :)

Just my 2 cents worth, I really hope it helps you!

[JamieLeigh]

Perhaps they've just been conditioned by media and whatnot to think that dry, teased up hair is "clean", and that yours being different than that is "dirty" by comparison.

I'm sorry what your MIL said got to you. I suspect, though, that it is more that your husband agreed with her than her initial remark. I would suggest you sit and talk to your husband, about how much that comment hurt, and try to make him understand that your hair routine IS cleansing your hair, and that it makes you happy for your hair to feel soft and smooth. At the end of the day, it IS YOUR hair, but it would be very nice to be on the same page as the person you're married to. Makes for a happier life. :p

[YoginiCelestial]

or you can JUST tell them that you like your hair, and that it's VERY healthy to you and they can go suck on an apple :)


mbaker223,
I'm with you on that comment! Haha!
:D

[rchorr]

{{{HUGS}}} Some people think that if it's not dry and crunchy, processed to within an inch of it's life, that it's dirty. If it feels and looks good to you, then it's fine. Maybe they're not used to healthy looking hair.

RCHORR'

[EvaSimone]

Does your MIL know what you do for your hair washing routine?

Personally I am pretty sensitive about hearing that my hair is greasy. If I had two people tell me my hair looked greasy I would probably reevaluate my hair and routine.

The reason I am asking if your MIL knows about your natural routine is sometimes people say somewhat untrue things because they disagree with what the person is doing and are trying to persuade them to follow the status quo. If she didn't know about the alternative hair care then I would be more likely to think that she was making a rude but honest remark. :twocents:

[Speckla]

Everyone's hair is too dry, too oily, too curly, too straight...too too too...well? What does perfectly normal and acceptably clean hair look like?

It doesn't exist!

'Clean' is subjective.

[viking_quest]

I can understand what they mean. I went natural and my hair dried greasy but it never looked greasy to me. I finally got sick of all of the complaining by my parents and went back to SLS and more frequent washing and I can understand what they meant. My roots are very dark when oily (I'm normally a light-medium brown color) and it pieces together making it look like I hadn't washed it in a few days.
But if you like what your hair looks like on this routine then stay with it.

[Xandergrammy]

Another possibility I can think of is that they are just put off by the thought that ´you don´t wash your hair properly´. The idea of alternative washing methods sometimes is so strange to people that they automatically assume everyone who doen´t wash their hair with shampoo every day must look greasy. Like everyone who does not use shower gel every day is unhygienic and stinks. :shrug: That´s why I usually let people in the dark about my washing routine. Too many conversations like: Eww! Shampoo is washing, anything else is not really washing. Your hair is dirty looking. A surprisingly big amount of people thinks like that, :p thanks to decades of brainwashing shampoo-commercials and people tend to see what they expect to see. No shampoo & shiny hair = oily.


Finoriel, you took the words right out of my mouth! I agree wholeheartedly!

[Dachsdragon]

Thanks for the thoughts and support. Here are some photos. Sorry about the sizing.
http://i33.tinypic.com/30mpe2r.jpg
http://i34.tinypic.com/i1yxzq.jpg

[Debra83]

When I had fresh clean hair with coconut oil in it, it DID look greasy. I can tell now, looking back on the photos. I KNEW it wasn't greasy, but that was the perception. I had people tell me that too.

Maybe take some photos, and post them on the board here, of what it looks like when they tell you that?

edit: OOPS sorry, just saw your post above mine.

[Flynn]

Oh my gosh that's shiny! Wow!

I think their issue is that your natural wave makes your hair clump up. As another wavy/wurly, I know very well that that is nice clean, lovingly-cared-for hair. However, to someone used to blown-out hair where every strand is independent of every other strand, that clumpiness might be misinterpreted as the stringiness arising from greasiness.

[Debra83]

Perhaps they've just been conditioned by media and whatnot to think that dry, teased up hair is "clean", and that yours being different than that is "dirty" by comparison.

I'm sorry what your MIL said got to you. I suspect, though, that it is more that your husband agreed with her than her initial remark. I would suggest you sit and talk to your husband, about how much that comment hurt, and try to make him understand that your hair routine IS cleansing your hair, and that it makes you happy for your hair to feel soft and smooth. At the end of the day, it IS YOUR hair, but it would be very nice to be on the same page as the person you're married to. Makes for a happier life. :p

I totally disagree with the part of you sitting down and telling him how much the comment hurt your feelings. He was just being honest and giving you his opinion, something which he won't do again if he thinks you are too sensitive or don't value his opinion enough. I mean, good grief - he's entitled to an opinion, and you asked him afterall, right?

[Roseate]

I think their issue is that your natural wave makes your hair clump up. As another wavy/wurly, I know very well that that is nice clean, lovingly-cared-for hair. However, to someone used to blown-out hair where every strand is independent of every other strand, that clumpiness might be misinterpreted as the stringiness arising from greasiness.

That was my guess too. I see some clumping in the second picture; while that's normal and healthy (and I encourage it in my own hair:)), it could be mistaken for greasiness if it is a change for your hair.

[Arctic]

Thanks for the thoughts and support. Here are some photos. Sorry about the sizing.
http://i33.tinypic.com/30mpe2r.jpg
http://i34.tinypic.com/i1yxzq.jpg


Your photos definitely do not look greasy to me! :flower: You have an amazing shine! They must have been blinded by it, so your best strategy is to give them pair of sunglasses! :cool:

[julliams]

Definitely very shiney and pretty to look at. I think it's just different to what they were expecting. I know when I CO my hair does have more of a wet look than normal - actually you can see it in my picture below - that sort of clumping together of strands that someone else here was talking about. I personally like it.

Juliette

[GlassEyes]

Psh, if that's greasy, I want to look greasy all the time. :lol:

[jivete]

Your hair does not look greasy to me.

I do think hair that is frequently shampooed has a different look to it than hair cleaned with less harsh methods. It's usually fluffier and each strand kind of stands away from the others. People have been conditioned to think that's what clean hair looks like, so anything different looks unclean.

[sally_neuf]

Psh, if that's greasy, I want to look greasy all the time. :lol:
I'll take that too!!! So shiny!

[jahof45]

I'd take your hair any day! It looks beautiful in the photos.

It's so funny to me that people can see someone with a ton of product in their hair and think it looks clean but when hair is truly clean without damage or product...

Your hair is Gorgeous! I hope you are able to tune them out!

[jacqueline101]

I'd ignore her she's not trying to be mean she doesn't get us.

[Angelica]

Your hair is shiny, doesn't look greasy at all. Your mother in law must never have seen greasy hair, because it never looks like this!

[leslissocool]

Psh, if that's greasy, I want to look greasy all the time. :lol:

YUP absolutely!


It doesn't look grease. Actually, to me, it's so shiny it nearly blinds! Absolutely gorgeous!

[kpzra]

I'd ignore her she's not trying to be mean she doesn't get us.

What's with all the necro posts from 2009?

[Syaoransbear]

Wow that's so not greasy. I think people are so used to seeing dry, dull, damaged hair that the shine from healthy hair makes them think it is greasy. Tell your MIL she doesn't know what greasy is.

And even if it was greasy, that's not a bad thing. It's just a healthy coating protecting your hair from the elements, the way nature intended. Society just seems to think it is a bad thing for no particular reason.

EDIT: Just realized this is an old thread that has been resurrected. My bad.

[ibleedlipstick]

What's with all the necro posts from 2009?

Exactly what I was thinking. These posts are very ​old.

[Wildcat Diva]

Old posts need love too.:confused:

[Magalo]

Bah, it's useless to revive old personnal threads like this. It only clog up the forum. :shrug:

[kpzra]

That was kinda my thinking. The old "show me" threads are fine, but a personal problem from over 3 years ago isn't that relevant anymore. She bumped up tons of post from 2009 today with posts that just repeat what was answered in the thread already or like this, not really adding anything pertinent, I was just wondering why. Most forums I'm on lock a thread after a certain time with no new posts to prevent things like this. If you don't check the date you don't realize that it is so old, which can lead to hurt feelings if the OP isn't around anymore and new posters think they are just being ignored.

[Unicorn]

Old posts need love too.:confused:


:D You had me LOL at this.


Unicorn