Rant: Classmates pulling fork/stick out of bun

[natt i nord]

We've got a few 'heroes' that think they must pull my fork/stick out so I have to re-do my bun.
I told them to leave it. I RANTED at them. I became loudly. Nothing helps.
There was a silence now, but today they began again. In one of our biology-rooms we sit very neat and layered. The guys behind me sit a bit above me so that they almost can look above me. If I sit normally, they have the back of my head "presented". I think I had to re-do my Lazy wrap bun about ten times this lesson.

And even when I started to say loudly "Leave that!" even the teacher didn't react! I sit in first row, so he MUST have heard me.
Thank goddess another girl told them to leave that then, they luckily listened to her then.

But I just can't understand, why they always have to provoke me. Anyone simular experiences?

[wackyredtangles]

I'm sorry. I have this whole bit where I don't like to be touched, and I imagine I'd feel similarly about my hair. No one has ever tried that, but still.

If it really bothers you I'd stop wearing the hair sticks. I do many of the LHC hairstyles using pins that are like bobby pins, but about 3-4 inches long. They work great. So would a sock bun.

It may also be worth mentioning to these boys that touching you in a way you are not ok with is sexual harassment. I had to resort to this once at a job I had. I wouldn't recommend it except as a last resort. It caused a lot of resentments. Mostly it just switched from touching me to incessant comments about "ooo don't touch her or look at her wrong!". Not fun.

I hate to have it come to that, and I'm sure you do to, but maybe someone cleverer than I will come and have some ideas for you.

Good luck!

[HairColoredHair]

Here's what I would do.

1. Get a stash of cheap sticks you don't mind losing. Cheapo chopsticks, and the like.

2. Put hair up with one said stick. Put others in bag/purse.

3. When classmate takes stick, put hair up with a different one. Ignore classmate. Do not react.

4. Repeat 3 ad nauseum.


Eventually, they'll get bored, would be my guess. They're only doing it because you're reacting so poorly to it. That makes it fun.

[Themyst]

I was told what when guys pick on you like that in school, they like you. Sounds silly, but looking back, I do believe it is true.

But if it really bothers you, maybe you should try wearing a metal hair stick and run some wires to it from a battery hidden under your jacket. :wink:

Just kidding around of course, but it's funny to think about. :D

[Babyfine]

In the high school my son attends- a complaint to the teacher or principal would put a stop to that very quickly- there's no tolerance for that kind of thing.
The (female) principal at his school is very strict.

[natt i nord]

If it really bothers you I'd stop wearing the hair sticks.

I really don't want to do that and won't. I don't see the point why I have to change my like of hairstyles just because two guys like to provoke me.


Here's what I would do.

1. Get a stash of cheap sticks you don't mind losing. Cheapo chopsticks, and the like.

2. Put hair up with one said stick. Put others in bag/purse.

3. When classmate takes stick, put hair up with a different one. Ignore classmate. Do not react.

4. Repeat 3 ad nauseum.

That's a good idea, but I don't know where to get cheap hairsticks. And I'm the type of girl that cannot throw away anything - I like my hairtoys, even when they were oh so cheap :D
The shop I usually go to carries sticks for 1-5€ and actually even 1€ is too expensive (for me personally) to "gift" them around.
I always get my fork/stick back, but it's just bothering me.


I was told what when guys pick on you like that in school, they like you. Sounds silly, but looking back, I do believe it is true.

Oh hopefully not - they're both REALLY not the kind of man I'd prefer :D


But if it really bothers you, maybe you should try wearing a metal hair stick and run some wires to it from a battery hidden under your jacket. :wink:
:eyebrows: I once played with the tought of putting a needle onto my sticks, when there were some guys that would come and hit the stick from besides. :D

Babyfine, I surely will go to our (Biology)teacher as soon as that continues.


Thanks all for the replies :)

[Toadstool]

I would complain to the teacher. You shouldn't have to put up with behaviour like this. Good luck!

[alys]

good advise by queen of apathy - just like what supernanny would say to do with a child behaving the same way....ignore and thusly do not reward the behaviour. personally i think the classmates might have a touch of jealously or hair ******. perhaps they love watching it cascade down when it falls - and who can blame em??? falling hair is awesome :)...not that anyone has the right to touch you. once or twice maybe but anything more than that it unkind.

[Heidi_234]

When I started to wear hairsticks I was afraid some immature people would do that to me, but nope, at least not yet. I'd suggest maybe wearing your hair differently for a while, not using hairsticks, or avoiding sitting right in front of these guys if you can. I like the metal hairstick/shocker idea, but I'm not sure how practical it is.
Throwing off his table all his stuff once he pulled the stick maybe? Smacking him with your notebook? Securing the stick in a way he wouldn't be able to pull it out? Wearing a hoodie in class?

Don't listen to me, I give bad advice. Consider it the what-NOT-to-do advice. :p

[Ursula]

I suggest that you speak to the teacher, outside of class. I can see why they'd be reluctant to disrupt class further by addressing the issue during lecture.

If seats are assigned, ask if they can change the seating assignment of the students who are doing this. If a student can't behave when sitting behind other students, they should be moved to the front where they don't have an opportunity for their disruption.

You might also want to get some Amish pins or hairpins, and use those to fasten your bun, then put in the sticks or forks as decoration. That way, if they pull the sticks or fork out, they won't have the fun of seeing your hair fall down, and watching you put it up again.

I wouldn't carry extra sticks to use putting your hair up again, as it would give them more sticks to collect as "prizes", and would continue the pattern of them pulling the stick, seeing your hair fall, and getting to watch you put it up again.

[cobblersmaid]

I personaly would yell, "Touch me again and I kick you in the ***s." Be forceful. If you are meek they will think you are flirting, and do it more. Threatening violence generally worked for me.

[LaurelSpring]

If its just that one particlar class, I would take my hair down before I went in and put my stick away and then put it back up when I left.

[twilight_faerie]

Honestly, if this were me, I'd just turn around and slap them. It's not like they didn't touch you first - if you somehow got in trouble for it, you could write it off as self defense. I have no tolerance for people (particularly men) touching me in ways I do not enjoy when I've previously told them not to.

[sherigayle]

When you take your hairstick back, give them a nasty glare. No need to say anything, "the look" should be all you need. Once perfected, it works to keep all immature behavior in check.

[LeaM07]

Honestly, if this were me, I'd just turn around and slap them. It's not like they didn't touch you first - if you somehow got in trouble for it, you could write it off as self defense. I have no tolerance for people (particularly men) touching me in ways I do not enjoy when I've previously told them not to.I'd be tempted to snarkily warn the teacher that if he/she is going to sit there and watch me get messed with during class that I'm going to take retaliatory measures, and inquire as to how far I'm allowed to go, since what they're doing is apparently legal. It's irritating to think the teacher would ignore it, with you sitting on the front row. At the very least it's a class disruption, even if it's just flirting. :(

[Dolly]

I would definitely mention it to the teacher and tell them if they cannot gain control of their students, you will go to the administration. Unwanted touching OF ANY SORT is battery, which is simply ILLEGAL.

[natt i nord]

Slapping them is a good idea. Maybe that will work.

Thank you all for the advice :flower:

[LadyGunn]

Do you have enough warning that they're going to do it to grab their hand? Also, do you have long fingernails? If it were me, I'd grab their wrist hard enough to leave nail marks & then get my stick back. Of course, don't do anything that could get you in bigger trouble than you want to deal with. I don't have this problem, as I've been told that I can be scary. It might have something to do with my collection of knives... :eyebrows:

[motormuffin]

What if once they stole your stick...you just left your hair down for the rest of the class? I'd see about changing seats...talk with the teach.

[NiAosSi]

What if you wore two sticks at once and when they grabbed one you proceed to threaten with the other. They make good weapons you know. Then again I am very sinister... :evil:

[maegquare]

No one should be able to get away with touching you without your permission. I agree with going to a teacher, and if they won't put a stop to this, go to a principal. This is harassment.

It may be true, as others have suggested, that they are doing this because they're enjoying your reaction. In that case, you'll have to spoil their fun by showing little reaction. If not, though, I'd definitely 'burn them with a look,' at the very least. My son's suggestion for you is, "If you want to keep that hand, you'd better keep it to yourself." ;)

[Themyst]

Slapping them is a good idea. Maybe that will work.

Thank you all for the advice :flower:

Whoa, I don't think I'd go that route. Perhaps speak with your teacher in private and explain? That way your classmates don't know you 'told', and your teacher can keep a better eye on the situation and make it seem as if she caught them misbehaving. Then maybe no one would hold any ill-will toward you.

[eadwine]

If the teacher doesn't respond, just walk out of the class and go to the headmaster. Yes right in the middle of class.

The teacher should take immediate action, period.

[natt i nord]

Whoa, I don't think I'd go that route. Perhaps speak with your teacher in private and explain? That way your classmates don't know you 'told', and your teacher can keep a better eye on the situation and make it seem as if she caught them misbehaving. Then maybe no one would hold any ill-will toward you.

I think I'll go to the teacher next week and if they still continue I'll slap.


Well, we'll see - I will wear a stick next Friday to see if this moves on (in the lessons on Mondays we are in another room, in there they don't sit behind me and even if they did they wouldn't reach me)

[Cherry_Sprinkle]

They are not only touching you but removing your possessions and that is not right. I'd go to the teacher and if that doesn't work, the principal, and if that doesn't work, I would pick up my belongings, yank my fork out of their hands and walk right out of class. When the teacher reaches you, you explain that he/she hasn't corrected the situation and you do not feel comfortable in this class and if they can't remove the problem you will remove yourself. :shrug: There is NO reason on earth why a teacher should let this go on in class, its an obvious disruption to your learning experience and theirs as well.

[eresh]

Long long time ago :o when I was in highschool, there was a guy sitting behind me who thought it was funny to continuously
poke me in the back with his pair of compasses (the sharp end of it) .
I shouted, I asked if he could stop doing that... no results.


It didn't stop until I surprised him and smashed him in the face with my étui.(penholder)
I wouldn't recommend it necessarily though, because I got sent to the principals office....:mad:


eta: Eadwine's idea might be better ;-)

[Stephichan]

I would say in a very mean tone "you touch me again, and I'll touch you and I can guarantee, you won't like it."

Also, the teacher could/should have said something. Even if it's a simple "hey, pay attention" to them, it would have shown that he/she was aware of what was going on and wouldn't just let it keep happening. Also, the fact that another student had to intervene shows that what those boys are doing is not only a distraction to YOU but also to the other students.

[BlackfootHair]

Want some ideas on perfecting the "look" that will put the fear of God in them?

Feel the anger deep in the pit of your stomach. Let it roll up your throat, into your mouth and face, (this will produce an evil/scary look) and proceed to say in a low growly voice, " DO NOT. Touch Me. Again!" But you really have to let all your anger contort your face into a very scary look. :)

[teela1978]

I'd talk to the teacher before or after class and ask for help. I think it's just one of those 'they like you and don't know how to express it other than by teasing' you things that boys do. I didn't wear sticks in high school but had my scrunchie 'stolen' (not in class luckily) several times a day.

[Ursula]

I see that some people have suggested that you hit/slap the person doing this.

Don't.

It's quite likely that school authorities would consider pulling out hairsticks to be "teasing", but they'll definitely consider hitting or slapping to be an assault or attack. Which means that you would be the person in trouble.

The same could happen if you stand up, yell at them, or otherwise confront them during class. Removing a hairstick is a quiet thing, that the teacher might not notice, but yelling or confronting will definitely get you attention for yelling and making a disruption in class.

Talk to the teacher outside of class, and ask the teacher to address the situation with the other students. If the teacher doesn't address this, talk to the school principal. Emphasize that this is distracting you from your learning during class, and you want to be able to pay attention to class, which means wearing your hair up out of the way so it doesn't distract.

If seating is assigned, request that they move the assigned seats of the students doing this. You've done nothing wrong, and there is no reason why you should move - these students are deliberately distracting you and being disruptive, and should be moved to a place where the teacher can supervise them and where the can't engage in this distracting behavior.

[Belisarius]

Knowing how young boys are, I think you really should take action. Most likely they think it's funny now and will continue doing it. Talking to the teacher and if he doesn't act on it, the head principle or something like it.

[Merlin]

It's quite likely that school authorities would consider pulling out hairsticks to be "teasing", but they'll definitely consider hitting or slapping to be an assault or attack. Which means that you would be the person in trouble.


But then again, the OP might feel that's a price worth paying?

After all unless she does serious levels of damage she's very probably only going to get stuck in detention for it (if that) - and let's face it unless she does it front of a teacher none of the boys are going to go the staff and complain that they were done over by one of the girls..

As a school employee naturally I'd always advocate going through all the official channels.....but I also know that sometimes conflicts do resolve themselves very effectively as a result of direct peer-to-peer interaction unmediated by supervisory adults to resolve underlying tensions among students, and this can lead to a permanent end to long standing interpersonal issues.

[Ursula]

But then again, the OP might feel that's a price worth paying?

After all unless she does serious levels of damage she's very probably only going to get stuck in detention for it (if that) - and let's face it unless she does it front of a teacher none of the boys are going to go the staff and complain that they were done over by one of the girls..

As a school employee naturally I'd always advocate going through all the official channels.....but I also know that sometimes conflicts do resolve themselves very effectively as a result of direct peer-to-peer interaction unmediated by supervisory adults to resolve underlying tensions among students, and this can lead to a permanent end to long standing interpersonal issues.

I don't know what policies are where the OP is, but many schools in the US have adopted "zero tolerance" policies for fighting, which can lead not just to detention, but a student getting suspended or expelled for being involved with a fight, even if they didn't start it.

Enforcement of school policies are also often quite arbitrary. For example, one of the cable news networks in the US had a show for a while following school principals dealing with student issues, and there were several situations where a principle let boys who got into fights off with a warning, but suspended students who were dating for holding hands, because that particular principal was more concerned with teen "sexuality" than violence. On the books, "no public display of affection" was a minor and non-specific rule (didn't say what forms of affection were covered), while fighting was a serious infraction, but that principal had a hangup, and the students got a twisted message that it was better to fight than touch in kindness.

And, of course, in many schools boys who are on the major sports teams practically have a "get out of jail free" card due to the popularity of sports, when other students may face serious punishment for the same actions.

Not knowing what the particular school policy is, and how the particular school chooses to enforce policy, it's wise to be cautious.

[Anje]

I don't have much good advice... you probably ought to speak to the teacher or an administrator and get them to have a word with these annoying losers.

Then again, it would be a lot more fun to have a full water bottle with a wide opening with you to drink out of. Next time they remove a stick, toss about a liter of water all over them. :evil:

[getoffmyskittle]

Next time he does it, turn around and steal his pen/pencil, then just turn back like nothing happened. Don't give it back until you get your fork/stick back. Do this every time, it'll stop soon. :D

ETA: If he holds his pen and does it again, just move to another seat. Don't take your hair toy back. Then go to the office and say that he was stealing.

[spidermom]

I already read that you don't want to, but if it were me, I'd stop wearing the hair sticks. That would end the "game".

I figure you got three choices - 1) put up with it, 2) complain to someone with authority, or 3) take away the toy and wear your hair in a braid or ponytail or something like that instead.

[LittleOrca]

I already read that you don't want to, but if it were me, I'd stop wearing the hair sticks. That would end the "game".

I figure you got three choices - 1) put up with it, 2) complain to someone with authority, or 3) take away the toy and wear your hair in a braid or ponytail or something like that instead.

Even if she gets rid of the sticks they may see her as a target for teasing now and pull at braids and ponytails.

To the OP, Be relentless about reporting them, even if something doesn't seem like it's being done, keep reporting them if it continues. I can speak from experience that the more you report something the more likely it will be fixed.

[Schmoomunitions]

WHen I look back at the harrassment I endured during high school Id give anything to replay it and just start beating the crap out of those guys . You HAVE to do something or you will never forgive yourself. Tell the teacher and if he does nothing, the principal, and if nothing Id turn around and spit on them. bad advice I know but one day you'll be suprised looking back that you didnt do anything. You have to stop the "doormat" tendencies early!!!!

[embee]

I agree with Ursula, do not hit.

But you can leap from your seat and turn around and say very loudly, "Stop touching me!" which might get the attention of the teacher. I'd report the problem both to teacher and to headmaster. Once is teasing, maybe twice, but over and over is harrassment. And since they're playing with your hair it could be viewed as sexual. That is not correct for a classroom.

It is a problem, though, because anything you do may make them try to "get back at you" for any trouble they get into.

Good luck.

[Flynn]

They're only doing it to get a reaction. Buy a box of cheap chopsticks, or even pens or pencils, and just put it up again with one of them. Ask for everything they stole off you back at the end of the lesson.

At this length (around about hip), I can do a knot-style thing that will stay well enough for a class without anything to hold it up. It soon slips out if I'm walking around or anything, but sitting in class it will hold. Basically, I twist, do one coil like for a cinnabun, and then on the second coil, I poke/pull a little "loop" of it through the first coil. Kind of like a super-simple pretzel knot (http://www.coolhunting.com/images/EricaWeinerJewelry_pretzel.jpg), but without pulling the end the whole way through.

[Cherry_Sprinkle]

Ignoring the problem, at least in my experience has never resulted in the problem stopping. It's only stopped when I have either reported to a higher authority or confronted the person directly.. since the OP has made it clear that they are annoying her and continue to do so I think the best course of action is to report and ask for the student to be moved if the problem continues. :grouphug:

oh nm I already posted on this thread lol

[Flynn]

Ignoring the problem, at least in my experience has never resulted in the problem stopping. It's only stopped when I have either reported to a higher authority or confronted the person directly.. since the OP has made it clear that they are annoying her and continue to do so I think the best course of action is to report and ask for the student to be moved if the problem continues. :grouphug:

oh nm I already posted on this thread lol

With this sort of silly thing, my experience is exactly the opposite. Particularly in a school context.

[Demetrue]

You can just ask the teacher to move you to a different seat. That is the least confrontational approach. You can do what my son did when another kid was bothering him in class - he jumped up, turned around and shouted in a really strong voice, "WHY DO YOU KEEP TOUCHING ME - KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF!" The other boy actually was so embarrassed and startled that he ran out of the classroom. The teacher took my son's side, but told him not to yell in class again. The other boy left him alone after that.

[Alun]

I was told what when guys pick on you like that in school, they like you. Sounds silly, but looking back, I do believe it is true.

But if it really bothers you, maybe you should try wearing a metal hair stick and run some wires to it from a battery hidden under your jacket. :wink:

Just kidding around of course, but it's funny to think about. :D

Well, it could be that they like you. It's possible.

Probably if you use a battery to electrify your hairstick they won't feel it unless they touch it with their tongue (and if they are licking your hair in class you probably have bigger problems!), but if you wire it up to the mains you could kill them. or yourself. Humorous idea, but not one for RL.


They're only doing it to get a reaction. Buy a box of cheap chopsticks, or even pens or pencils, and just put it up again with one of them. Ask for everything they stole off you back at the end of the lesson.

At this length (around about hip), I can do a knot-style thing that will stay well enough for a class without anything to hold it up. It soon slips out if I'm walking around or anything, but sitting in class it will hold. Basically, I twist, do one coil like for a cinnabun, and then on the second coil, I poke/pull a little "loop" of it through the first coil. Kind of like a super-simple pretzel knot (http://www.coolhunting.com/images/EricaWeinerJewelry_pretzel.jpg), but without pulling the end the whole way through.

Kids in general do this stuff just to get a reaction. That seems most likely to me.

[Alexannee10]

It annoy me a lot! Especially when I did a chopstick bun, and I found a way to make it stay in place for the day. Arrgg!

[julliams]

I am a primary school teacher so I have dealt with alot of this kind of thing on a younger level.

Unfortunately I think the best thing you can do here is not to wear the hairsticks to school - for your own sanity and also so that you do not become the target any longer. I know this means you have to compromise your own style but you may have to do this in order to avoid behaviour that is obviously going to continue as long as the sticks are there. I also think if you just keep redoing the bun, they are going to keep pulling the sticks out as they try to find out just how long you will put up with it. I think if you replace the taken sticks with other sticks, you may find that they will just find this amusing and may continue just the same.

Perhaps you can take a back seat in class??? That way noone is behind you?

Coming up with the "perfect" remark to these boys will probably just have them say something silly to you that will put you right back in the spotlight.

Change the hair, ignore and try to move on. Hopefully they will become bored and find something else to take their attention.

Juliette

[Redheaded Raven]

I would not hit. That would put you at risk of getting in trouble.

Instead, if you are allowed any kinds of drinks in class or even if you are not, bring some sort of drink in with you. Then when you are "startled" Whirl around and have the drink "splash" all over them, as much as you can get it without seeming to aim. If it is a water bottle squeeze it as you whirl.

At the same time in a loud voice say, You scared me!!! That leaves them wet and uncomfortable and with the egg on their face so to speak.
You might get in trouble for having water but not assault.

[Flynn]

I would not hit. That would put you at risk of getting in trouble.

Instead, if you are allowed any kinds of drinks in class or even if you are not, bring some sort of drink in with you. Then when you are "startled" Whirl around and have the drink "splash" all over them, as much as you can get it without seeming to aim. If it is a water bottle squeeze it as you whirl.

At the same time in a loud voice say, You scared me!!! That leaves them wet and uncomfortable and with the egg on their face so to speak.
You might get in trouble for having water but not assault.

That would have got you at least a saturday detention from my school.

No physical retaliation please! It isn't worth it!

[LittleOrca]

Just scream. :D That's sure to get the professor's attention.


:hmm: With hair being a f*tishy thing to some, I wonder if you could get them for sexual harassment... Probably not, but it was a thought. :D

[twilight_faerie]

WHen I look back at the harrassment I endured during high school Id give anything to replay it and just start beating the crap out of those guys . You HAVE to do something or you will never forgive yourself. Tell the teacher and if he does nothing, the principal, and if nothing Id turn around and spit on them. bad advice I know but one day you'll be suprised looking back that you didnt do anything. You have to stop the "doormat" tendencies early!!!!

At the first part: Oh my gosh, ME TOO! And at the rest: I so totally agree. In my first two years of high school, there was a guy who decided to make my life a living hell. I was so depressed and anxious that I feigned illness to get out of school for two weeks so I wouldn't have to see him. At one point he actually touched my inner thigh. I did nothing. (I told my mom and she was furious; she wanted to press charges for sexual harassment, but I begged her not to, so she didn't.) I tried a few techniques to try to get him to stop: playing along with him, ignoring him... (I don't know about other bullies, but ignoring my bully definitely did not work for me.) Eventually I broke down and told my guidance counselor about the harassment, and he got in trouble or something, and I never heard a peep from him again. But occasionally I still think about all the crap he put me through and how he ruined my life for two years, and I just wanna go back and slap him. Nothing too violent, just a slap. I know it would've worked, too. And it would've made me feel so much better.

But yeah, definitely do something about it. The "doormat" tendency is hard to get out of once you fall into it.

[Flynn]

At the first part: Oh my gosh, ME TOO! And at the rest: I so totally agree. In my first two years of high school, there was a guy who decided to make my life a living hell. I was so depressed and anxious that I feigned illness to get out of school for two weeks so I wouldn't have to see him. At one point he actually touched my inner thigh. I did nothing. (I told my mom and she was furious; she wanted to press charges for sexual harassment, but I begged her not to, so she didn't.) I tried a few techniques to try to get him to stop: playing along with him, ignoring him... (I don't know about other bullies, but ignoring my bully definitely did not work for me.) Eventually I broke down and told my guidance counselor about the harassment, and he got in trouble or something, and I never heard a peep from him again. But occasionally I still think about all the crap he put me through and how he ruined my life for two years, and I just wanna go back and slap him. Nothing too violent, just a slap. I know it would've worked, too. And it would've made me feel so much better.

But yeah, definitely do something about it. The "doormat" tendency is hard to get out of once you fall into it.


I think this is the problem with people's recommendations here. There is concentrated, serious bullying, and then there is the sort of playful, brainless activities, (which are nevertheless bullying) which are a total nuisance, but aren't the sort of very serious, deliberate thing that many of us have experienced.

I'm inclined to think this particular situation falls into the latter category. It's a couple of guys being idiots, and making a nuisance of themselves because they can. The OP has said nothing about this continuing outside of class, it's just in this one class where they happen to be sitting behind her.

This sort of incidental behaviour always seems to be just to get a rise out of the victim for some light entertainment. Exactly who the victim is is irrelevant.

My approach to that sort of situation is not to give the reaction. They get no immediate "reward", usually they get bored, they get over it, eventually they stop.

For the other sort, it is imperative that you don't keep quiet about it. Often it will take a LOT of pressure from a parent for the school to take action, but, having been though that, you have to do something.

Admittedly, put in that situation, I did resort to physical violence when the school was failing to do anything about it. It worked, too. That sort of bully is often a coward, and if you can hurt them, physically or psychologically, sometimes it will do the trick.

[above_rubies]

I like Ursula's suggestions. If those fail you could try putting your hair up with pins And the stick. Then when they pull it out, ignore them. At the end of class ask for it back with an air of someone who is bored with it. Keep this up for a week or two. They will get bored. Then when they stop you can leave off the pins and they may not notice.

[MOrab46019]

Could be they guys know how you are going to react. They know this is going to get under your skin and they do it. Or as someone put already one of them like you. The last is they like to see long hair down. It is your personel space that is getting effected here. The teacher should back you up. Or maybe move you or the one that is doing it. Good luck.

[clairenewcastle]

I really sympathise with you on this one....however I would stop wearing the hairstick. Stick to securing your hair with pins when you're in class.
You should be allowed to wear your hair in the style you chose but the level of immaturity that these boys are displaying is going to be very draining to constantly deal with. Eventually they may grow up but in the meantime don't leave yourself open to teasing by them.
Good luck with your studies.

[Ash]

I do not think you should be forced to change yourself because other people can't behave. Perhaps you can secure your hair in a bun without the hairstick and then add it for decoration. This way, when they pull out the stick, your hair stays put. For this to have any effect though, you cannot react to them at all. At the end of the class, calmly ask for your stick back. After a few days of not getting a reaction from either you or your hair, they may stop out of boredom.

If this fails then perhaps you could put some hot sauce extract on the hairstick near the top where it does not touch your hair but where they are sure to grab it. Do NOT do this if you wear contact lenses or are prone to touching your eyes though. Boys tend to be reluctant to wash their hands.... (or maybe I'm just mean :))

[Masara]

I actually teach this age group (and younger)

Please, no violence. If you react violently, you are putting yourself in the wrong as well. I seem to spend my life explaining to teenagers that thumping someone "because he ..... " (fill in the blancks yourself) isn't the way to go about things.

Since you've tried talking to the boys concerned without result which doesn't surprise me (they've found a way to get a reaction, and a good one, they're going to keep it up) then the next logical step is to talk to the teacher. I would ask both to be moved (or for them to be moved) and that the teacher has a word with the others. Why move either me or them? Because it is a visible sign to all concerned that the teacher has heard and will act on this sort of behaviour. But if you are the one to move, then make sure your new seat is at least as good as the one you are leaving.

I understand why you don't want to stop using hairsticks, but if it were me, I would do the same as Flynn, I would start doing knots or braided buns held with pins instead of sticks for a while. That way you take away their fun. After a while, they'll give up on you (and look a for a new victim probably)

[LittleOrca]

I would do the same as Flynn, I would start doing knots or braided buns held with pins instead of sticks for a while. That way you take away their fun. After a while, they'll give up on you (and look a for a new victim probably)

What happens when she wants to wear her sticks again though after they lose interest? They will see their toys have come back and it may start again. I'd hope not, but I try to look into the future some more and think what could happen and prepare for each possible path.

[Flynn]

What happens when she wants to wear her sticks again though after they lose interest? They will see their toys have come back and it may start again. I'd hope not, but I try to look into the future some more and think what could happen and prepare for each possible path.

What I was suggesting was not stopping wearing the sticks, but finding an alternative way to put it up again without any fuss when they are taken. Others suggested wearing the sticks as ornaments only, and securing the bun with pins. Either way, the point is not to stop wearing the sticks, but to stop it from making any difference at all if they take them, either because you can put your hair straight back up, or because it does not fall down in the first place. No reaction, no entertainment, no interest, no more taking the sticks.

I think that is what Masara means, too.

[Aer]

I guess smacking the hell out of them isn't a option, is it? I would of at your age, but then again I was in and out of the principal's office at that age! So that's not good advice. I wouldn't stop wearing my hairstiks either, so the best advice I can give you is, tell a (responsive and understanding) adult or teacher. I wish there was better advice I could give you, but thats all I can think you can do, without getting yourself in trouble. Good luck with your classmate issue.

[katha]

Don't slap! That's violent behaviour and from principals perspective probably a lot worse than "borrowing" a hair stick.

I agree with the suggestion to use pins and the stick only for decoration. That way, you stand your ground (you're not giving in and you're not visibly changing anything), they will try again, they won't see your hair cascading down, they'll be disappointed and you... you'll have to bite back a satisfied smile, wait till the end of the class and calmly, bored, ask for your hair toy back. If you can arrange it, do it when the teacher has an opportunity to hear it (of course only if you talked to him/her before)

[ravenreed]

Okay, I am a horrible human being. I would walk up to them, take the hair stick out of my bun, carefully stick it up my nose and roll it around a bit. Then I would put it in my hair again... If that won't stop them nothing will.

[Jadestorm]

You might also want to get some Amish pins or hairpins, and use those to fasten your bun, then put in the sticks or forks as decoration. That way, if they pull the sticks or fork out, they won't have the fun of seeing your hair fall down, and watching you put it up again. I think this is a very good idea.

But I would also talk to your teacher or headmaster, it is not cool that they are doing this and you should not put up with it! I know slapping them may seem like a good idea, but in school it will probably result to YOU getting in trouble. So then those guys win again and even more. So I wouldn't do that if I were you.

If you speak to the teacher/headmaster and they are really not willing to adress this problem, you can warn them (teacher/headmaster) that if they don't take action you will and they shouldn't be surprised if you explode next time it happens! So if then you get really angry and loud if it happens again, you're not to blame because they should have helped you.

Sometimes smart remarks that people really don't expect can help as well. Like if those guys do it, instead of getting angry, turn around, look very seductive and say something like "I thought about it and I realised that you really just want to touch me because you think i'm such a hottie...." in a very soft, warm tone. You can go as far with what you say as you want. It doesn't always work, but I've found that it takes people like that so much by surprise that they're so baffled they sometimes stop. (if they don't really like you and don't want you or their friends to think they have a crush on you, that's enough to get them to stop)

[wendyg]

I think at least explaining to the teacher why you're sometimes distracted in class might be a good idea. But it's probably better if you find your own way of shutting them down - it's a valuable skill in life.

You could of course try the direct approach. "If you're trying to say you like me, there *are* better ways."

wg

[natt i nord]

But you can leap from your seat and turn around and say very loudly, "Stop touching me!" which might get the attention of the teacher.

I did that. And I'm quite sure he DID hear me. He just didn't react. But I will tell him next week.

Thanks all for the advice :) I'll see whether it continues - I am really not sure as there was a long silence before whether that was only a 'one-lesson' thing.

[Tornerose]

I don't know how the enviroment is in germany, but I'm pretty sure that the sexual harassment approach wouldn't yield much results if it were here. Even tittygrabbing isn't considered serious enough to be secual harassment here (and we're suppsed to have equal rights... go figure :S )

Telling the teacher might just make it even worse for you, so I agree with the ones who said you need to DEMAND respect. I'm not sure what would be the best way to do this, but something that really imbearces them is probably a good idea.

[rhubarbarin]

I find that acting really, really angry works really well. You will probably get a reputation as 'that crazy bitch' though (I don't mind it).

JUMP up, WHIP around, fix them with the GLARE OF DOOM, and YELL. Feel free to include some personal insults in the yelling. Act like they are an obnoxious little boy. Men hate having a girl yell at them like their mom does and will avoid doing anything to trigger it again...

[EvaSimone]

I had a coworker who thought it was hilarious to take my hair stick or fork out of my bun. I yelled at her twice and she hasn't done it since. It doesn't seem like yelling at them will work unfortunately.

Personally I agree with the poster who suggested not to react to them when they do it, they are enjoying your reactions so take away the fun from them!

[rusika1]

Since there are two boys teasing you, they are probably doing it because your reactions amuse them. It's a type of bullying, they've found your weakness and they know how to set you off.

I don't think your teacher will be very sympathetic if you complain, because YOU are the person who is disrupting the class. Yes, I know they are the ones starting it, but you are the one making the noise about it.

You need to prove that you are more adult than the boys who are teasing you. Use hairpins to anchor your bun, that way your sticks or fork are decorative. Don't make a fuss when they pull your sticks out, wait until the end of class and quietly demand that they return your property. Act like it is not a big deal. Pretend the whole thing bores you.

If you ruin their fun by behaving calmly, they will probably stop bothering you soon. (Give it a few days, some people don't learn quickly.) If they don't stop, you can go to the teacher in a week and explain what is happening. By then, he is more likely to place the blame on the two boys than on you.

Trust me on this, I was shy, clumsy, and bad at sports, and I was a bookworm besides. I was picked on for EVERYTHING when I was in school.

[rhubarbarin]

I think you can try several methods of handling this, but being non-reactive or trying to be the bigger person when someone is trying to get a rise out of me has never worked. Being assertive/aggressive right back at them has... so even though I was extremely weird/awkward growing up, I never had a problem with being bullied. People can only dominate you if you let them, yk? Sometimes if you ignore them they will stop eventually, but not always..

[Masara]

What happens when she wants to wear her sticks again though after they lose interest? They will see their toys have come back and it may start again. I'd hope not, but I try to look into the future some more and think what could happen and prepare for each possible path.

I couldn't predict, but I've found in this sort of situation, the bullies (and I do think of them as bullies) are looking for instant gratification, if they don't get what they want, they'll probably give up and turn their attention to someone/something else. Then the OP and her sticks will pass out of their interest. By the time she starts usings sticks again, they will have moved on to new ways of annoying people.

Of course, this is only if they are looking for an easy reaction from the nearest victim. It's the same as changing places in class: If you're no longer to hand, they'll try it on someone else. On the other hand, if they are targeting the OP personally, then they will find another way to get at her. And that's a completely different story (and will need to be dealt with firmly by the school)


Either way, the point is not to stop wearing the sticks, but to stop it from making any difference at all if they take them, either because you can put your hair straight back up, or because it does not fall down in the first place. No reaction, no entertainment, no interest, no more taking the sticks.

I think that is what Masara means, too.

Yes, I certainly meant the no entertainment part. I agree that once it's no longer interesting for them to do, they'll probably stop. But I would personally pause the stick usage for a while too. Simply because some bullies once they've found a fun way to wind someone up, won't let go. Even if your hair doesn't fall down anymore, they still have the stick. That gives them something to poke you in the back with, throw to their mates, wave in front of your nose just out of reach...

[eresh]

I see that some people have suggested that you hit/slap the person doing this.

Don't.

It's quite likely that school authorities would consider pulling out hairsticks to be "teasing", but they'll definitely consider hitting or slapping to be an assault or attack. Which means that you would be the person in trouble.

Uhm, I gave an example of what happened to me...
It was not advice to do this, I think I said that in my post too.
When I tried everything, talking to the teacher, shouting out in class, talking to the guy....
and nothing worked, I was fed up, stood up for myself and smacked the guy.
It stopped....but I got sent to the principals office.
Not fair imho, but oh.



Perhaps this guy has a crush on you???
Änd is showing it in a really childish way.:rolleyes:

[mtstorm]

My colleges (all male) who are also fellow graduate students have spent a whole night pulling out and playing with (seeing if they could maim each other with it) my hair stick (wooden chop stick). The next week the topic of converstation was my hair stick and if/how they could kill someone with it (5" metal stick with rhinstone end).
I brush it off. I am sure if I got aggressive enough they would stop but really it is not worth the arguement, but they would NEVER do it in class. Talk to your teacher he should be able to put an end to it. Also, if you are worried about your hair sticks use pencils or pens instead.

[mtstorm]

*collegues NOT colleges :blushing:

[Dez]

I would very simply move, either by asking the teacher privately, or standing up in the middle of class after they grabbed it out and saying "mr. so & so, can i move please? so and so is really bothering me by pulling my hairstick out and i can't concentrate on what you're saying." If teacher says no, sit down and if hairstick is pulled, stand up and say the same thing, until you're either moved, they are moved, or one of you sent to principal.
If you are the one sent to principal explain what happened and that you asked the teacher several times to be moved and you were refused. But you find it really hard to concentrate. After that at any time seeing those same boys outside of class they would be completely ignored and dirty looks given to.
I agree that it sounds like those boy(s) have a crush on you or think you're cute and want a reaction. By getting the whole classes attention at the same time as teachers it's a little embarassing for them and ignoring them outside of class gets them a different result than they want which is you for you to pay attention to and like them. Then maybe they'll start thinking of better ways to get a girls attention.

[Birdman]

I would talk to both the teacher and the principal of the school about the situation

Birdman

Jerome

[misstwist]

I find that the emasculating tone of voice works even better than the look. Talk to them like they are small children, or puppies.

[Flynn]

I find that the emasculating tone of voice works even better than the look. Talk to them like they are small children, or puppies.

Yes. This is precisely the advice this man (http://www.claxtonspeakers.com.au/speakers_profile/238) gives. The context in this case is a method for girls (16-20, say) to deal with guys of a similar age in a party/bar/other social context, who are making a nuisance of themselves (in a sexual harassment sense.) He says to talk to them like you're talking to a "bad dog".

[Rebelkat]

Well... my experience was a little more extreme than yours. There was this dude I went to school with that ALWAYS sat behind me in literary club back in high school. I didn't think a whole lot about it. I just thought he liked sitting there. Turns out he had a ****** for long hair and one day decided to pick up my hair (which I didn't think much of because lots of people did that because they wanted to braid it) and BIT it. I smacked some sense right into him and didn't get in trouble because it counted as self defense.

I don't know that what those guys are doing can be pinned down as sexual harassment, but I do think they're doing it for sexual reasons. I also don't think there's really anything you can do other than speak to the teacher and principal about it. I would recommend braiding your hair and keeping it over your shoulder where it's harder to get to, as well.

[pdy2kn6]

I always worry about this sort of thing when I go out. A good way to avoid it is by sitting towards the back or somewhere here there is a wall. This is how I handle my paranoia of someone coming up behind me and doing something like that. I think its just a natural thing teen boys would find funny. I am sure they will get sick of it some time soon.

[natt i nord]

I would recommend braiding your hair and keeping it over your shoulder where it's harder to get to, as well.

That is what I actually always do except when it's bunned. I once heard a girl with tailbone-long hair was cut her hair in a bus, and I'm very afraid of that.

[embee]

Oooh, I don't blame you for being nervous of that. I've read of it too, don't know if it is *true*. But it gives one the shivers just to think of. :(

I 'spect they're teasing and it's not really sexual, just a big pain. Makes one want to wear a headscarf. Tiresome.

I had two brothers and they loved to tease - if they could just find one of my buttons to push. And since they were older and smarter they always did. Life for a younger sister can be pretty rough, in a harmless but annoying kind of way. ;)

[katha]

embee, I second that.
My older brother once put a whole lot of glue onto my hair when we were children. I was really proud of my hair back then, and my mum spent hours trying to comb the glue out. Fortunately, that worked... :)

[TheBlondeApple]

Look at the situation from your teacher's perspective, there's a girl who's being picked on a bit by the boys (that's normal), yet every day, she comes back wearing a stick, so the boys can continue doing their thing, so she obviously enjoys the boys attention and being center of attention (and disturbing the class by doing so). It's hard for grown-ups to understand teenagers.

I'd just put my hair up with something invisible (Amish pins) and not wear braids. Ignore the idiots.

Anja

[eadwine]

To those that say that SHE has to change HER habit of choice, because THEY cannot behave themselves in class...


Sorry, the world just became lopsided. ;)


She should be able to wear what she wants in her hair without her being harassed by anyone. THEY are at fault, THEY should change, not her.

I could pull this into the -very- extreme to explain my point and say:
Because she wears hair sticks she is asking for them to get pulled out.
Because she wears a skirt she is asking to get raped.


Those are my thoughts: SHE is a victim here, the ones who did it should be dealt with. Plain and simple.

[TheBlondeApple]

Eadwine, you're totally blowing it out of proportion.
Anja

[lapushka]

I think Eadwine is right. Once might be teasing and fairly innocent but about 10 times per class, and over and over again until she goes crazy is *quite* something else. I'd involve the teacher and the principal, and don't focus on the hairstick. Focus on the fact that they are pulling your hair loose and touching you. A girl has the right to wear her hair however she likes, boys should leave girls alone and they shouldn't be touching them without permission in whatever way. What's next? Threatening her with scissors every time they pull her hair out of her bun? The point is she should be feeling safe in a class environment, so she can learn. Currently she isn't safe. She's being harassed!

[GoddesJourney]

I was told what when guys pick on you like that in school, they like you. Sounds silly, but looking back, I do believe it is true.

But if it really bothers you, maybe you should try wearing a metal hair stick and run some wires to it from a battery hidden under your jacket. :wink:

Just kidding around of course, but it's funny to think about. :D

And then film it and put it on YouTube. You'll have a cult following.

[shwankie]

To those that say that SHE has to change HER habit of choice, because THEY cannot behave themselves in class...


Sorry, the world just became lopsided. ;)


She should be able to wear what she wants in her hair without her being harassed by anyone. THEY are at fault, THEY should change, not her.

I could pull this into the -very- extreme to explain my point and say:
Because she wears hair sticks she is asking for them to get pulled out.
Because she wears a skirt she is asking to get raped.


Those are my thoughts: SHE is a victim here, the ones who did it should be dealt with. Plain and simple.

I totally agree. Eadwine said she was using an extreme example to illustrate her point, but the two things are the same idea. She is being touched inappropriately despite her vocal protestations. Whether it's her hair, her thigh, her face, or her breasts hardly matters--it's HER body, and she has made it very known she doesn't want it messed with. There should not be a "line" that people can cross in regards to any person's body. So, it's okay to touch her hair without her consent, and despite her protestations, what is next? Where is that line drawn then, and who draws it? And, we're right back to the skirt example: "If she didn't wear hair sticks, we wouldn't touch her hair. She's asking for it," is not any different in theme than "if she didn't wear skirts, we wouldn't rape her. She's asking for it." One is a more extreme example, but both are cut of the same cloth.

If boys were unhooking her bra through her shirt in class, would the answer be to simply start wearing a front-hook? Of course not.

Hopefully, her talk with the teacher will yield results. She is not the problem, she is not the disturbance, and she should not be punished for putting her hair out of her way so she can concentrate on her studies. I know many people take this as flirting, and perhaps it is. That doesn't make it alright. Unhooking bras, throwing stuff down shirts, etc. can also be "flirting," but those behaviors are not tolerated.

No person should have to put up with unwanted physical touch.

[eresh]

Eadwine, you're totally blowing it out of proportion.
Anja

I think not...
(and she did say "I could pull this into the -very- extreme to explain my point")
It is the same thing, upside down world if SHE has to change the way she wears her hair because some guy can't behave himself.
The example by Shwankie of the unhooking a bra is also a very good example I think.

[eadwine]

Eadwine said she was using an extreme example to illustrate her point, but the two things are the same idea.

Exactly my point. There is no blowing out of proportion here. That is very obviously not read right. What I do is using an example, just pulled into the very extreme.

[lynlora]

Back when I was in school I had a problem with harrasment and being picked on. One day at lunch in the cafeteria the person and his friends were sitting having lunch. As I walked by I "flipped him off" right in front of everybody. After that he left me alone. A different way to handle the situation but it worked. Next time in class, if it is still going on, before you sit down tell them if they do not stop there will be consequences they will not like. If it still happens stand up and yell at them to stop inappropiately touching me. The sheer embarrasement of everybody staring at them will change their mindset.

[eadwine]

Heh.. I doubt that works. ;) Still a much bigger chance that everyone would laugh then. At her, not at them.

[Themyst]

And then film it and put it on YouTube. You'll have a cult following.

:hmm: :D Heh heh, but as Alun explained, my battery idea probably wouldn't work anyway. :( I love thinking up stuff like that though ...

In the meantime, I do agree that the OP shouldn't stop wearing her hair sticks or change her hairstyle. I think next time it happens, I'd jump up and just FREAK on those guys to STOP TOUCHING MY HAIR. Then there is no excuse for the teacher not to notice.

[eadwine]

Exactly.. hence my suggestion to just get up and walk to the pricipal. Right then and there. This has already happened multiple times. Does it really have to be another TWO times (first time tell teach, teach doesn't do anything, second time getting up and going) before she can do this?

I don't think so ;)

[florenonite]

I was told what when guys pick on you like that in school, they like you. Sounds silly, but looking back, I do believe it is true.

That's what I was thinking. It doesn't end when school does, either; a guy at uni used to do this back in first year, and he was twenty!


Okay, I am a horrible human being. I would walk up to them, take the hair stick out of my bun, carefully stick it up my nose and roll it around a bit. Then I would put it in my hair again... If that won't stop them nothing will.

I love it!

To the OP, I would suggest merely finding somewhere else to sit in that class, if the seats are unassigned. If sitting at the back doesn't bother you, go there, because then they can't sit behind you. If not, ask the teacher to allow you to switch seats, because their affecting your concentration.

[RubyRose]

I am almost 18 years old and a boy pulled my braids in class the other day.

I cooly turned around, cocked one eyebrow, and asked, " Aren't you a little too old to be pulling girls' pigtails?

[rhubarbarin]

Heh.. I doubt that works. ;) Still a much bigger chance that everyone would laugh then. At her, not at them.

It always works for me! Whether or not other people find it funny.

I swear, across the board bullies don't want to deal with their victims being aggressive/assertive. They are used to the people they intimidate staying pretty meek and quiet. This is what allows them to keep doing it. You have to meet them on their own turf.

I am loving shwankie and eadwine's posts.

[Flynn]

I am almost 18 years old and a boy pulled my braids in class the other day.

I cooly turned around, cocked one eyebrow, and asked, " Aren't you a little too old to be pulling girls' pigtails?

Beautifully played!

[eadwine]

It always works for me! Whether or not other people find it funny.
Aha, and that is the key.. you do that from the getgo. Thing is in this case that it has been allowed to go on and on, and when you THEN suddenly come around like this you just get sneers from them.


Unless you change into some horror flick girl of course, then they'll learn, but.. that is a bit overboard :lol:

[WaimeaWahine]

Not to get all legal... but...

Here in America when someone touches you without your permission it's called battery and charges can be filed. Under the Civil Rights Act it can also be sexual harassment. Teachers and principals who ignore this can be held legally liable for failing to "take immediate and appropriate corrective action." There are also laws being created regarding bullying.

Laws vary around the world but there has to be a law where you live that applies. Male or female, young people need to take action and know that if they do they will be heard. The principal needs to be notified that your hair is not a toy and you are not a doormat.

[Eilean]

WaimeaWahine isn't wrong there. I mean all you had to do is find out whether hair is still considered part of the body as such. Of course it is, but I mean is it still considered battery if a person touches your hair. A couple of hundred years ago, showing hair was pretty much as wrong as showing your behind in public!

So look into it or next time they do it, just look at them and say: Soll ich das naechste Mal ein Matchbox-Auto mit ins Haar stecken, dann hast du was zum Spielen.*

(*Do you want me to add a matchbox toy car to the hair as well, for you to play with? )

[natt i nord]

That's a good one :D I really have to remember it, thanks :)