Gah! Stop me please! *ranting...sorry*

[Maddy25]

I am trying to hard to grow my hair, and I really want long hair, but I find when I get really stressed or really down with myself I just want to hack it all off, like....ALL of it. I'm not sure why I feel this way...it may have something to do with low self esteem or depression...but I just feel very strong sometimes that I just want to stop trying to look pretty because it wont ever happen and it would be easier to just not try to impress anyone.

Its really hard to stay positive too because I find growing out my roots looks awful on me and I'm at such an awkward collarbone length. I need some support to keep going so I dont get really upset one day and cut every inch off :( Does anyone else have these urges to just cut it all off and not have to worry about what they look like anymore? I mean, if my friends love me they should love me without makeup and hair...

Sorry for the rant, but no one else would understand but you lovely ladies and gents.

[SimplyViki]

:bigeyes: Whoa, there. It's all in your head, don't listen to those voices saying you're not pretty or can't be pretty. Aside from how bad it is for your health to get bogged down by negativity, um, you actually are pretty. Unless you posted pics of somebody else or something.

It sometimes is hard dealing with an awkward change, like stopping wearing mascara, or growing out roots, because you're used to seeing yourself a certain way. Only thing I can tell you is to avoid the mirror as much as possible if you can't see yourself in a positive way.

Or practice seeing yourself in a positive way. You can train yourself to see yourself in a positive way. I can't really give you a step by step, but just look for the positives. Make yourself focus on those, and ignore the little things you'd like to change. Look at yourself as a whole, skimming over the flaws and noticing the features you like.

[Eilean]

First of all, from the pictures I can see here you are a very pretty lass with great hair! So do not worry about that, because you are pretty! And about your hair. I have a horrible length at the moment, too and I hate it. So what I do is that I wear the hair in different styles. It is not always easy because I have layers but it does not need to be a very difficult style, as long as it is a bit different every day. So you don't focus on the length of the hair too much.. because if I did, I would certainly have it cut off immediately. Maybe that helps you as well?

[kmangus]

Dont give up! You have only started your long hair journey. Just think...if you hack it all off then you will have to go through this again...no fun. Just put it up or pin it back and try really hard to forget about it. I know it seems impossible but its really the only thing that will help you. :) Just keep a goal in mind and look at that frequently and think how nice it will be once you get there :D

[GlennaGirl]

Stop!!! Don't do it. You're having this reaction during times of upset because hair is at least one thing you can control. That's why you get the urge to cut. You can make a "drastic" change in two seconds in at least one area of your life that way.

I have done the same thing so many times. If I hadn't--at least once a year--I'd be at least hip length by now.

I recently had the urge, just like you...and I sat and waited...and waited...I bunned my hair up, literally tried to forget it existed. Now the urge has passed.

See what else in your life you can change/control instead. It's a real need, and hair is the obvious choice but there are so many other ways if you stop to think.

Hugs and hang in there.

[Maddy25]

Thank you so much *deep breathe*

It is comforting to know that some of you go through this too. I think you right GlennaGirl I dont think it all has to do with hair at all but with something I can control right now because my life is crazy. I'll have to think of something else I can change without touching my hair, however tempting it may be.

[halo_tightens]

Hang in there!! I know how it feels sometimes, being stuck somewhere in the neighborhood of shoulder. Let's make this the very last time we ever have to go through it, ok? If we can just muscle through it the one time, we're done!!

(encourage encourage encourage)

:thumbsup:

[Heidi_234]

I'm not sure if I'm any help, but I always wanted to have short straight hair like yours. Since I can't have it straight I also can't have it short - so that's why I'm growing it out. I know growing hair out is super frustrating at times, but you can't do anything to make it grow instantly, and chopping it all off is definitely not the answer.

Just tie it back in a ponytail and try to distract yourself. If it REALLY bothers you, you can trim 0.5" off your sides and do the first step toward the more even hemline sooner or later you'll deal with anyway. It will make you feel better, it will give you the satisfaction of 'I did something to make my hair look better', and it won't really hurt your length, since those ends are due for a trim anyway. Just an idea. :flower:

[spidermom]

Go to the thrift store, buy some dolls, hack all their hair off. But leave yours alone, you pretty young lady, you.

[Toadstool]

I am trying to hard to grow my hair, and I really want long hair, but I find when I get really stressed or really down with myself I just want to hack it all off, like....ALL of it. I'm not sure why I feel this way...it may have something to do with low self esteem or depression...but I just feel very strong sometimes that I just want to stop trying to look pretty because it wont ever happen and it would be easier to just not try to impress anyone.


I believe it would be impossible for you not to look pretty, you don't have to try.:)

[Fractalsofhair]

Your hair looks amazing! I do understand what you mean, but seriously, don't chop your hair. It's gorgeous! Try out some random headbands and try a few simple buns with your hair. Try to get out and do something, to take your mind off it. Avoid LHC for a week if need be to avoid obessing about hair!

In regards to the roots. Bobby pin them up, so you don't have to see them if they bother you. Your natural color looks lovely!

[little_acorn]

You are really pretty - my advice is put your hair up or cover with a wide headband until the chop urge passes. You can do it :flower:

[maegquare]

We've probably all been there, now and then. I believe you're right that it's most likely to happen when you are feeling down, or life seems a bit out of control, and making some kind of drastic change seems like a good fix. Try to wait a few weeks before making any drastic decisions, because I usually find that the urge passes in a day or two. I'll echo everyone else and tell you that you are a lovely young lady, and you know we mean it! :)

In the meantime, take even better care of yourself than usual: get more rest, drink lots of water, if you've been neglecting your health, treat yourself better. I find that getting a little exercise, even if it's just a short walk, is a great mood-lifter. Pamper yourself a little, and take time to do something just for fun, maybe something you don't usually take time to do. This will pass. I hope you feel better soon. :flowers:

[jojo]

I used to feel like this all the time, but now I come on here and look at the photo albums it really helps.

Try a deep oiling or conditioner or try to work out how much more you will have grown by this time next year. Let the feeling pass and hide the scissors!

Keep growing, its so worth it!

[clairenewcastle]

Your photo is very pretty, so is your hair. When you look in the mirror please try and see the beauty that other people see in you, both inside and out.
My hair is the same length as yours at the moment so I understand how you feel about it being an awkward length.
Stay strong - it will grow and grow if you give it a chance.

[heatherdazy]

Go to the thrift store, buy some dolls, hack all their hair off. But leave yours alone, you pretty young lady, you.
I love this advice! :laugh:

[katydid317]

I get the urge to cut my hair every few months or so, which is why it's still as short as it is and why it's so freaking layered. I am now focusing on reminding myself what the goal is. It may seem awkward now but it WILL grow and it will get to be the way I want it to be. Another helpful thing to do is to buy yourself a new hair toy when you get the urge to cut as added incentive to keep growing past the awkward stage.

Don't get hung up on your looks, from your pics (as everyone else is saying because it's true) you are very pretty and your hair is lovely.

[akurah]

Has it occurred to you the desire to cut your hair may be a desire to self-harm? Self-harming is common in many (mental) illnesses, and the act of hacking off hair, while not necessarily damaging to your physical health in the same way cutting into your skin might be, can be a form of self-harm.

I'm a (former) cutter, and when I was first weaning myself off cutting, I had an episode where I wanted to cut badly, but didn't dare because my boyfriend at the time would ship me off back to my parents on the other side of the country. So instead, I chopped my BSL length hair to chin with scissors in the bathroom.

Most of my desires to hack at my hair are usually in reaction to a very negative event or stimulus, and they're there "in lieu" of a desire to cut my skin. I don't do it for the same reason I no longer cut my skin--I know I'll regret it deeply once it's said and done.

If it's possible your reasons/desires to cut are along the same reasons I outlined above, you should see a mental health specialist or your doctor. There's no need for you to have to suffer through dealing with this stuff, and while there is a chance it may seem to get worse, it will be worth it in the end.

[Amara]

I get the urge too. Just like you said, it's something you can control when you can't control other things. Try to find something else you can control. Do some yoga. Talk a walk. Meditate. Write a poem. Buy some charcoals and draw. :)

[natorade]

I am trying to hard to grow my hair, and I really want long hair, but I find when I get really stressed or really down with myself I just want to hack it all off, like....ALL of it. I'm not sure why I feel this way...it may have something to do with low self esteem or depression...but I just feel very strong sometimes that I just want to stop trying to look pretty because it wont ever happen and it would be easier to just not try to impress anyone.

Its really hard to stay positive too because I find growing out my roots looks awful on me and I'm at such an awkward collarbone length. I need some support to keep going so I dont get really upset one day and cut every inch off :( Does anyone else have these urges to just cut it all off and not have to worry about what they look like anymore? I mean, if my friends love me they should love me without makeup and hair...

Sorry for the rant, but no one else would understand but you lovely ladies and gents.

Actually, yesterday I was feeling this way. I was so sad about my hair. I was trying on baseball caps for the Red Sox game I am going to tomorrow and I felt really ugly and stupid with a hat on cause my hair was so short.

A couple of days ago I was kind of excited and felt like my hair was growing. But yesterday and today it looks shorter for some reason. I was really feeling like shaving it all off. I would give anything to have collarbone lenght hair right now. Heck I would love just to have chin length.

It's funny but sad how something like hair can really affect a persons self esteem and cause depression. I hope you feel better soon.

[Maddy25]

Wow thank you so much everyone for all of the sweet and helpful comments, i find myself reading back through this thread a lot just because it really does make the world of a difference.
I really appreciate each and everyone one of you for helping.

akurah, what you said is very true, I used to be a cutter too. Although I do have the occasional relapse when Im feeling very stressed the urge to cut my skin and the urge to cut my hair is very much the same. Im really surprised you caught onto that, Im embarassed but vert greatful someone here understands that side of things.

[Eilean]

You'll soon be better hun, don't worry :) !

[redneckprincess]

I was there a few months ago...just remember 3 months from now you should be almost at APL...and your 2-tones dont look that obvious.. infact (through pictures and pictures show it more defined) I honistly can even see much of a color diffrence...and if you color or cut now you will just be prolonging this stage ☺

[GoddesJourney]

It doesn't seem like you're having any difficulty looking pretty. And don't worry about impressing anyone. The main issue is that YOU feel pretty. Anyone you have to try to impress will never actually be impressed. It's too much work for not enough pay out. Someone who really knows you and sees you for who you really are will not need to be impressed. One such person will know how to appreciate you on your bad days as well as your good. This goes for friends and relationships.

On a side note, I've noticed that half the time I feel not pretty it's because I'm looking around at lots of competition. I live in a college town where there are a bazillion little girls desperate for attention. Of course I can't compete with that. They're working the whole day to look good. I don't need that because I've learned what kind of "men" that attracts anyway. I don't need that in my life anymore who want to use me to make themselves look better. Furthermore, the other half the time I feel not pretty is because I have a person like that in my life who is making me feel like less than I am. Maybe this is to encourage me to try harder to please them? It backfires with me because it makes me want to cut them out like cancer.

[melrose1985]

Hey there... My mom is trying to grow her hair out to about APL length. SHe looks so good with bobs but wanted to grow it. So she a little pass the shoulders and has been dying to cut the layer around her ear because it's at the ackward stage... I begged her every time not to and she did listen to me and now she's past that stage and is very happy she didnt. I told her all the time if you cut it- in a couple months it's going to be that same stage again.

I had no urges to cut while i was growing from a bob to where i'm at now untill the last couple of weeks. My hair was REALLY damaged so finally last week i got layers which took out all the damaged ends and on my length i only have about 2" of damage to cut over time... I promise Once you get pass this stage you will feel much better!

Hang in there and dont cut! you dont want to go through this stage again do you?

[shortgoinglong]

Hi Maddy25,

Yes, I completely understand. I had very long hair my entire life because my family believed all females should for religious reasons. Not to sound vain, but I was always blessed with thick and shiny blonde hair that everyone always gushed over. When I grew older, I got this horrible chopped pixie cut. I guess I was testing my freedom. :rolleyes: Anyway, everyone I came across went on and on about why did I cut off my beautiful hair? It made me feel ugly and depressed. Even my hubby was very upset. Because I never had short hair since I was a baby, I didn't know how long and awkward growing it out would be. For years I would let it grow to about collar bone length then get depressed and hack it all off. Of course, after I did it I felt worse and full of regret. Well, I'm finally on the right track and being patient. Just tell yourself that you will regret it and don't do anything rash. Wait a few weeks and see if you really want to still cut. Believe me, been there, done that.

[HeatherWeather]

Hey, i COMPLETELY understand! I have been feeling the same way past week or so. my 6 month old little boy thinks that it is delightfull to pull mine and it really hurts. sometimes i just want to shave it all off. you dont have to try to be pretty you already are. dont give up! were here to help you through!:cheer:
p.s collarbone was my hardest time too. before i joined lhc everytime i got to collar bone id just cut it off short. i was like that untill i was 15 and came here so if i can do it antone can!:)

[Sister13]

Please resist the urge to cut. Please.

Search & destroy splits. Try a new hairstyle. Make lots of tiny braid waves. Experiment.

Hairstyles come and go but cuts are forever.

Envision what your hair can & will be. Positive visualization, hun. I put myself to sleep with it every night. Works for me.

I wish you the best.

[LaurelSpring]

I imagine pretty much everyone has these moments. The good news is that you are probably at a plateau and just about to reach some new lengths. That seems to be my pattern. I hit this intensely awkward, have to cut stage right before a major spurt. So just ignore that urge and push on through it. You will be glad that you did.

[alys]

I just wanted to AGREE strongly with Simply Viki - let those self-desparaging thoughts go. You are beautiful, and I hate to put my foot in my mouth, but beauty is not centered around hair. It's a total package with the most important part being your soul, how you treat yourself and others. If you have been depressed and down in dumps, (who hasnt?), start working on the inside 1st. Get to the root of the problem, and I bet it's got nothing to do with hair. Feel better, you deserve it :)

[Dreamernz]

Firstly, you're a beautiful girl so don't worry about that, we all have these insecurities and I can empaphise with thinking what's the point in doing any of this? But really, it's all in your head and the really important thing is what YOU think of yourself. You have lovely hair so keep strong! We will be sure to support you every step of the way :D

[Sheltie_Momma]

HUGS. When I can't get out of my own head, I like to do volunteer work. I don't know what all kinds of organizations there are where you live but I guarantee that reaching out to someone in need will make you feel better. I know that's not really an answer about hair, but sometimes the issue isn't really about hair either. More Hugs.

[Anje]

Hang in there. I've been though phases like what you're describing, where you're feeling down on yourself and don't even want to look good. You'd rather destroy your appearance, or yourself, or any hope you have at happiness, , because you're unhappy anyway despite having those things. Right?

Since it's being directed at your hair, first put down the scissors, razor, clippers, or whatever weapon you're planning to use on it. You're pretty, as all of us can clearly see from your pictures. Your problem isn't that you look bad, it's that you're unhappy.

Put on a hat if you feel like it, dress up or down or whatever, and go out into the world. Do things you enjoy, hang out with friends, learn something, go for a hike, alter a T-shirt, volunteer. Work out some of the mopey feelings with exercise, or do something that you'll feel good about having done.

[going gray]

Hi Maddy 25, I really have nothing to add to the above, these amazing people said it ALL already. You happen to be a lovely young woman, who would look even more terrific with long hair.

Last June I had my 23" hair "chopped off" short, just because I was feeling "yucky & OLD" & thought I would look better with a "younger" hairstyle. I couldn't have been more wrong! Focus on something else for now, NOT cutting your hair. And keep reading LHC for advice & inspiration.

[The Drood]

I am trying to hard to grow my hair, and I really want long hair, but I find when I get really stressed or really down with myself I just want to hack it all off, like....ALL of it. I'm not sure why I feel this way...it may have something to do with low self esteem or depression...but I just feel very strong sometimes that I just want to stop trying to look pretty because it wont ever happen and it would be easier to just not try to impress anyone.

It's been said quite a few times in this thread already, but you don't have to try to look pretty... you're already well past that point.

I have at least a small idea what you're going through mentally. Depression is something I struggle a lot with. Hang in there and make sure whatever you do is for your best and not because of your current mental state.



Its really hard to stay positive too because I find growing out my roots looks awful on me and I'm at such an awkward collarbone length. I need some support to keep going so I dont get really upset one day and cut every inch off :( Does anyone else have these urges to just cut it all off and not have to worry about what they look like anymore? I mean, if my friends love me they should love me without makeup and hair...

Being a guy I find my urges to cut to be for fitting in more than looking better.

Yes, friends should love you no matter what you look like.


Sorry for the rant, but no one else would understand but you lovely ladies and gents.

Feel free to rant 100 posts if you want. I personally would rather see that than anyone un-happy.

[yellowchariot]

I am trying to hard to grow my hair, and I really want long hair, but I find when I get really stressed or really down with myself I just want to hack it all off, like....ALL of it. I'm not sure why I feel this way...it may have something to do with low self esteem or depression...but I just feel very strong sometimes that I just want to stop trying to look pretty because it wont ever happen and it would be easier to just not try to impress anyone.

Its really hard to stay positive too because I find growing out my roots looks awful on me and I'm at such an awkward collarbone length. I need some support to keep going so I dont get really upset one day and cut every inch off :( Does anyone else have these urges to just cut it all off and not have to worry about what they look like anymore? I mean, if my friends love me they should love me without makeup and hair...

Sorry for the rant, but no one else would understand but you lovely ladies and gents.


Actually, yesterday I was feeling this way. I was so sad about my hair. I was trying on baseball caps for the Red Sox game I am going to tomorrow and I felt really ugly and stupid with a hat on cause my hair was so short.

A couple of days ago I was kind of excited and felt like my hair was growing. But yesterday and today it looks shorter for some reason. I was really feeling like shaving it all off. I would give anything to have collarbone lenght hair right now. Heck I would love just to have chin length.

It's funny but sad how something like hair can really affect a persons self esteem and cause depression. I hope you feel better soon.

Maddy25 and natorade,

This is just my opinion, but you all should have fun with your growing out stage. Girls can get away with so many more styles than guys can, at the "awkward" stage! You shouldn't feel like cutting your hair now, will somehow make things better :confused:!!!

Just hang in there. Also IMO red ball caps and blond hair totally look cute on girls! :thumbsup: You shouldn't worry about "fashion" or fad styles, just have fun with the hair you do have, stub ponytail, half ups, mini braids, twist. . . etc.