PDA

View Full Version : The 'You know small comments shouldn't get to you but they still do' thread



Mutinous
October 4th, 2009, 05:49 PM
Urgh.

I'm annoyed, hair people.

I wore my hair in its natural state today, which means wavy and thick, and I wore it proud! Up until now, if my hair wasn't straightened I would shove it under a hat and hide it, but through being on here, I thought I would stop hiding and just be proud of my natural hair!

And I did it, all day, and barely thought twice about it, I got no funny looks and I was feeling pretty pleased.

And then I came in from day of au natural, and my flatmate (and best friend) said:

Flatmate: "You wore you hair like that today?"
Me: "I sure did."
Flatmate: "Yuck"

And I know I shoudn't take offense, and I know he doesn't mean to insult, but it really has undone the massive step forward I feel like I have made today.

I mean, his hair is so bleached, and over straightened the ends break off, and it is so thin and it looks in pretty nick unless it is smothered in product, but that is seen as desirable because it's in 'fashion', and I just don't say a word, because I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Urgh [ /rant].

Does anyone else have similar stories? I need strength to withstand such comments, and not dive for the hair straighteners!

Speckla
October 4th, 2009, 05:53 PM
"You wore your face like that today? Yuck."

Mutinous
October 4th, 2009, 05:55 PM
"You wore your face like that today? Yuck."

Ouch.

I'm sure someone has said this to me before :P

spidermom
October 4th, 2009, 05:57 PM
Oh well - what can you do? Each is entitled to his (or her) own opinion, although many times it's best left unsaid. I've seen pictures proudly displayed here that brought on the immediate reaction ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! But I don't say it.

I honestly don't care whether anybody else likes my hair or not, but if somebody says something negative about my weight, that's a different story.

Peter
October 4th, 2009, 05:57 PM
A similar thing happened to me when I first wore a braid in public. I had practiced until I could do a neat, even braid and felt it was a big step to wear it even though I worried about what people would think. A few people noticed it which felt good, but a good friend of mine tugged it and said "what the hell?". Not a nice feeling at all, despite having some other friends notice. :(

I think a lot of us have been there... your hair looks good to me. :)

spidermom
October 4th, 2009, 05:57 PM
Oh - my daughter is really good for comments like "are you going to wear THAT?" If I'm going somewhere with her, I let her pick something out for me. Otherwise :shrug:

Speckla
October 4th, 2009, 06:00 PM
Ouch.

I'm sure someone has said this to me before :P

Oh, no no. That wasn't said to me. I meant it as that's what I'd have said back if someone commented on my hair in a mean way.;)

Mutinous
October 4th, 2009, 06:02 PM
@Peter - I wore a braid at work once and had a similar thing, but I just brushed it off really!

@spidermom - you are right, and at the end of the day he is entitled to his opinion. I just think all these snide small comments are rude. I would never point blank tell someone I dislike their hair/clothes/weight whatever, because it so rude, and at the end of the day, why would they care about my opinion? I'm gonna stop before I start ranting again :P

Mutinous
October 4th, 2009, 06:03 PM
Oh, no no. That wasn't said to me. I meant it as that's what I'd have said back if someone commented on my hair in a mean way.;)

Lol. I see. That makes more sense :P

clairenewcastle
October 4th, 2009, 06:04 PM
Wear your hair exactly as you want to and enjoy doing so! You used the words "thick and wavy" to describe your hair....many, many people, I suspect, would love to say that about their own hair. I would be one of them.
You obviously have great hair, leave it in its' natural state if that's what you really want to do - and be proud.

Ally<3
October 4th, 2009, 06:14 PM
"You wore your face like that today? Yuck."

Haha, the sarcastic response is always the best!

akurah
October 4th, 2009, 06:40 PM
Some peoples' feet seem to beeline for their mouth as soon as they open theirs. :shrug:

I normally don't suggest tit for tat, but the next time he does something along those lines, you could always make a wisecrack about his hair. But seeing as he IS your roommate, that may not be the best course of action.

Quixii
October 4th, 2009, 06:43 PM
Yeah. I was at a gymnastics meet, and you have to have your hair up for those, it's always a difference between what I do and my teammates with chin-shoulder length hair do (mostly pony tails.) And one of them got to talking about how her friend has knee length hair and it it takes 32 hours to air dry and "omigod, why doesn't she just cut it off?" I gently reminded her I'm not all that far away from knee length (well, I am, but less so than her barely shoulder length hair) and I happen to like it. She hastily backed out (this is a bad habit she has) saying something about how "short hair is nicer but long hair is prettier."
Yes, I honestly was hurt, but she honestly says so many mean things without meaning to that I've learned to evaluate what she says and whether it was meant to hurt or not.

friskybiznus
October 4th, 2009, 08:41 PM
I wore my hair in a loose braid to work the other day and got told I look like a dude from behind.....grrrrrr.......

GlassEyes
October 4th, 2009, 08:50 PM
I'm sure I've had people comment that I ought to straighten my hair more often--thinking on it, more so than when Is tarted typing this message. I have curly hair, and to some, that's inseparable with 'ugly'. Even I've thought that in the past, and sometimes even now--though I hate flat irons. Horrid, horrid objects. xD;

Yeah, it hurts, and it sucks, but it usually makes me that much happier to know that something I've done has annoyed someone enough to say something. That alone is enough of a reason to continue to do it. :D Spite--motivation to do all those things that other people hate!

little_acorn
October 4th, 2009, 08:53 PM
Sounds to me that he might be a tad jealous - ignore him and then say - is that a bald spot I can see eeewww - oh sorry j/k

hehehe

embee
October 4th, 2009, 08:53 PM
Oh my, sometimes we just can't win. I know guys wear a long braid sometimes, but the last long braid I saw was on a tall blonde woman, and the braid came down below her waist. It was thick as my wrist. I was *so* envious.

And I'd be envious of the OP's Thick Wavy Hair too... just try this thin flat stringy stuff I have. Sigh. (That said, I love my hair, but I sure would have ***loved*** thick wavy hair when I was younger!)

Perhaps tell your flatmate that you're making an Anti-Fashion Statement because you're tired of looking like everybody else?

Sissy
October 4th, 2009, 09:02 PM
aww, sorry you got that comment from your flatmate. It sounds like the two of you both have different tastes in what looks good. Just try to be confident in yourself and don't let his comment hold you back... as you said you don't actually think the way he wears his hair is fantastic either... so chalk it up to a difference in style/opinion and try to let it go. As hard as it is, you have to try to not let it get to you so you can continue on your journey in a positive way.

I too, often times, feel self-conscious about wearing my hair down naturally in public but I've recently started doing it, even to work. I hope people perceive me as professionally enough, but I try not to let the worries consume me. I know I'm doing something healthy for my hair and that someday when it reaches classic with a blunt hemline... others will see it for it's beauty :) For now it's just slightly past tailbone, uneven, sometimes frizzy mess... would it look better ironed or blown dry straight... yup but I don't do it as I am in this for the long run. The one thing I haven't felt confident enough to do is wear my hair up in public... I'll pull it back in a pony occasionally but that's about it and I even hate doing that. I just feel that my face is too round and too fat. Hopefully with a bit more weight loss I can feel better about learning updos and wearing them out and about! We'll get over our insecurities soon hopefully :)

Shiva
October 4th, 2009, 09:10 PM
Sounds to me that he might be a tad jealous - ignore him and then say - is that a bald spot I can see eeewww - oh sorry j/k

hehehe

lol

Bald spot speculation always freak guys out.

:D

katydid317
October 4th, 2009, 09:12 PM
I find being oblivious and then when you DO notice what someone's said, sarcastic replies, are helpful. I don't get why people feel the need to make comments like that. Just keep your hurtful opinions to yourself already.

melrose1985
October 4th, 2009, 09:30 PM
Oh - my daughter is really good for comments like "are you going to wear THAT?" If I'm going somewhere with her, I let her pick something out for me. Otherwise :shrug:


Every once in while my mom will say that but like this "oh... um that's nice, but you have nicer things in your closet right?"

Really is every blue moon but i know she doesnt even realize she's saying it and i know she feels bad about it later!

adiapalic
October 4th, 2009, 09:51 PM
More is less, as often being the case when it comes to loads of commercial products and styling effort put toward hair. Perhaps he's stuck in that ivory tower where he can't possibly part himself from his "joiner" attitude and elitism because of his trendy choice to be brainwashed by fashion magazines?

I'd say natural, thick, and curly beats bleached, fried and dry any day ;) :flower:

camirra555
October 4th, 2009, 10:04 PM
"You wore your face like that today? Yuck."

Haha! Great comeback, Speckla!

Unfortunately, I'm not as quick with the comebacks so I don't have much advice for you other than to just ignore it...

viking_quest
October 4th, 2009, 10:56 PM
If anybody ever makes a nasty comment I just give them an evil stare and then I revel in how much better my hair looks than theirs. It instantly makes me feel better without having to bring myself down to their level.

RancheroTheBee
October 5th, 2009, 02:44 AM
I get a lot of maddening comments about the natural state of my hair as well, usually along the lines of, "I like it better straight." Like I really give a damn what other people want.

Sometimes, it's just a matter of the other person not thinking what it would be like to be on the receiving end of a remark like that.

Fethenwen
October 5th, 2009, 03:10 AM
I mean, his hair is so bleached, and over straightened the ends break off, and it is so thin and it looks in pretty nick unless it is smothered in product, but that is seen as desirable because it's in 'fashion', and I just don't say a word, because I don't want to hurt his feelings.

According to this description you two seem to have very different opinions on what looks good. His 'fashion' hair seems very yucky to me as I am one of those who prefer more natural hair.
I don't think you should take his comment too seriously, there are probably a lot of people out there who would think your hair looks awesome.

Mutinous
October 5th, 2009, 07:37 AM
Thanks for all the enouragement guys! Its made me feel a lot better about it all today :)

Curlsgirl
October 5th, 2009, 08:48 AM
There is a good friend who is a guy at church that loves my hair straight and worn down. Every time someone comments on it when I wear it up or curly which I always do now, he says, "I like it down" or "I like it straight".:rolleyes: I don't ask him but he always feels obliged to comment anyway. :rolleyes: Yesterday I said, " I KNOW you do". Good grief! People need to keep their rude comments to theirselves!

sally_neuf
October 5th, 2009, 09:03 AM
I have a friend who has wavy like.. 2B hair, she always fights for wavy hair rights! She is constantly fighting with people who flat iron their hairs, and says that there is a strange culture in wich if you don't have straight hair you don't look "neat and tidy" and she is constantly arguing people for that, because is just plain ignorance, besides is so boring when you walk into a mall and all the girls have the same hair! I preffer to think "if you don't have healthy hair, you don't look neat and tidy" :P

Runzel
October 5th, 2009, 09:13 AM
I get a lot of maddening comments about the natural state of my hair as well, usually along the lines of, "I like it better straight." Like I really give a damn what other people want.

Sometimes, it's just a matter of the other person not thinking what it would be like to be on the receiving end of a remark like that.

I haven't been on the receiving end of any such comment, but I've wondered if it might be worth it to purchase a wig in a matching color for just such an occasion. Then when everyone marvels at how much they like it I could say "Oh, this? It's just a synthetic wig." :rolleyes:

Maybe I just have a strange sense of humor.

Elbereth
October 5th, 2009, 09:20 AM
"And I should care about what you think about my hair because..?" (I think my avatar has the perfect expression to accompany this question)

I wonder when some people realize that people have different tastes and that no one can please everyone. Ever. If you change your hair to please your roommate and asked us a fully honest opinion about the change, I bet that some would like...and many would think that your hair changed for worse. :shrug: In the end, you are the one who has your hair attached to your head.

missbexy
October 5th, 2009, 09:40 AM
A similar thing happened to me when I first wore a braid in public. I had practiced until I could do a neat, even braid and felt it was a big step to wear it even though I worried about what people would think. A few people noticed it which felt good, but a good friend of mine tugged it and said "what the hell?". Not a nice feeling at all, despite having some other friends notice. :(

I think a lot of us have been there... your hair looks good to me. :)
I've definately had that experience. I had a friend order me to take my braid out. I also had other friends do similar things with a couple of other styles and when I wore a half up with the front pulled back instead which I thought made a nice compromise my grandmother 'helpfully' told me that it made my nose look big a pointy. I think by 16 I entirely gave up on putting my hair up, even now when I really want to I just can't seem to.
Hypocritical as it may sound from me Mutinous I join everyone in thinking you should just be pround of your hair.:D

twolunarspring
October 5th, 2009, 09:48 AM
I just don't know why someone would say something like that. There doesn't seem to be any reason for it other than to be mean/make themselves feel better about something.

My mum once said to me, when I had my hair in a braid, "I don't know why you wear it like that, the end of your hair looks like a paintbrush."

Now, I don't know what's so bad about paintbrushes for a start - but she meant it as a bad thing - and I certainly don't know why she imagined I wanted to hear her opinion on my hair because I certainly didn't ask for it.

:shrug:

missbexy
October 5th, 2009, 09:54 AM
My mum once said to me, when I had my hair in a braid, "I don't know why you wear it like that, the end of your hair looks like a paintbrush."
Haha I know that this is serious but that was so weird it made laugh.

halo_tightens
October 5th, 2009, 11:16 AM
I know I got some odd looks and comments when I suddenly stopped straightening and highlighting a few months ago! My family, friends, and co-workers were used to only ever seeing my hair looking "normal" to their eyes.

Overnight, my hair was thick, wavy and natural instead of flat and sleek, and I think for a while people might have assumed that I was just having a temporary difficulty at home, or that I'd been oversleeping in the mornings, lol. I don't think they were expecting it to be a permanent change!

Fortunately, now that it's obviously NOT going back to its former state, I think people have just gotten used to it. Hope you can get some peace as well! :)