Convincing parents and family about long hair :(

[Pburgh56]

As many of you know by now I am just growing my hair out for the first time. I have always dreamed of having amazing long hair and I have decided to grow my buzz cut out to waist length :) I am anxious to have really long hair like this and it is already to my collar and I love it. However, my parents and family are not too accepting of it. I dont know but right now they just do not seem too pleased about the length and the long hair in general :( I was wondering do you think their minds will change once they see how nice it looks or do you have any advice? Thanks.

[Mutinous]

I know its hard, but if this is something you really want to do, then don't let them dissuade you! My parents weren't too thrilled either when I started growing my hair, but they like it now and see it as part of who I am!

One piece of advice I would give, as I never did this, is actually telling them point blank, you are growing your hair, and how long you want it. I never really told my parents my hair 'plans' and I can't help but think it would have made everything a bit clearer!

[krissykins]

It's not likely that they're going to see it as beautiful and wonderful once it grows out (although if they did, that would be beyond awesome!) but sometimes you have to do what's best for you. You're not here to decorate anyone's world. A lot of people here have family members who don't support their long hair choices, and that is hard. But they have us, as do you! :grouphug:

[Lemur_Catta]

No, they won't change their minds. Some people like long hair, some people don't, and there is nothing you can do to change that. You can't make them love your hair. But you can make them accept the fact that you want to grow your hair long. As long as it is clean, well kept and possibly out of way when you are eating\working around the house, they should be fine.
I am a girl, and my hair is only a few inches below BSL, but my mother still doesn't like it. Well, she doesn't HAVE to like it. It is my hair, it is on my head, if you don't like it, just look somewhere else.
I know it is more difficult for a guy. Maybe your parents are just worried that people could think bad things about you because of your hair. Maybe they are afraid that, if you are looking for a job, no one will take you seriously because of your hair.
They are parents, and they want the best for you, the only problem is that sometimes they don't know what is really best for YOU, and not for THEM.
If you don't want to upset them any further, try avoiding "feminine" hairstyles around them, they would not understand and they would be more worried than they are now. I know your hair is not long enough right now, but you can remind this in the future.
Another thing: don't discuss hair with them. If they start talking about your hair, say that you are happy the way it is, and then change subjects.

[linda g]

I'm a parent of a 16 year old, and I realized how mixed my feelings are on this.

In general, I like to see long hair on males, and I have no objections to the concept.

But my son wants longer hair, and I find myself somehow not wanting him to do it. So I am going to try to examine my feelings, and see what my objections are. Maybe this will help you understand your parents.

1. I know my husband *doesn't* like long hair on men. At all. So I don't really want to encourage my son, because I am not looking forward to that potential conflict.

2. Attitude... my son seems to want to let his hair fall forward over his face, as part of some sort of an attitude that makes me concerned that his teachers might perceive him as having a negative attitude, and I worry that this might affect his school relationships etc. In other words, I am concerned about how others might perceive him.

3. Cleanliness... my son does not seem to do the best job of keeping his hair clean once it begins getting long. This item has been improving recently.

4. Tidiness... my son doesn't seem to see any importance in keeping his hair tidy (dealing with bedhead, tangles, etc).

So.. just speaking for me (and ignoring the first item, which is my problem, since I hate confrontation in general!), I would feel more comfortable with long hair on my son if I felt confident that he would keep it clean, tidy, and out of his face.

I hope this is helpful for you. I know thinking about this has been helpful for me, since I have decided I am going to be more supportive of my son's wish for longer hair.

[linda g]

One more thing: he has a friend who is Native American, who has gorgeous hair (waist-length when braided). I love it.

Maybe I am just not liking the way his "awkward growing-out length" looks? I had to be patient for me at that stage, so I can be patient for him, as well.

[hmmm]

If either of your parents has long hair, they might be more accepting of it than if they don't. I have a Tamilian male friend whose hair is extremely curly and about MBL. His family is the typical traditional type, they're Brahmin and insist that he take part in family prayers and things like that.
However, he plays the guitar, and has been doing so for many years, and does it quite well, with his parents being very supportive of it all. They understand that it's part of the image and they also get that it's his choice. His mother is very fond of long hair, his sister has hair below her waist. They often share hair care tips with each other, and it looks like they've reached an understanding about what is acceptable and what is not. Like, his mom once told me that as long as he doesn't give himself airs about being a 'rock star' she's fine with anything else he does. :P

[EdG]

I agree with everyone else: your parents are not likely to change their minds.

My parents have been disapproving of my long hair for two decades now. The funny thing is that my parents are now senior citizens and I'm approaching middle-age. I'm not a kid any more but my parents still act as if I were.

You too are no longer a kid. As an adult, you can make your own decisions. The only thing that matters is how you feel. I wish you the best in your hair journey! :)
Ed

[GlennaGirl]

As many of you know by now I am just growing my hair out for the first time. I have always dreamed of having amazing long hair and I have decided to grow my buzz cut out to waist length :) I am anxious to have really long hair like this and it is already to my collar and I love it. However, my parents and family are not too accepting of it. I dont know but right now they just do not seem too pleased about the length and the long hair in general :( I was wondering do you think their minds will change once they see how nice it looks or do you have any advice? Thanks.

Aw, hon. :( Not everyone is accepting of very long hair. But it's a gradual thing--it obviously won't happen overnight (unfortunately!! Heh heh). It's not like you'll walk in the room tomorrow with hair at your waist. So just do it and don't talk about it with them. Talk about it with us instead--we're always willing!

[motormuffin]

My brother had long hair for quite some time. Everyone in the family was always giving him grief. He kept it nice and pulled it into a pony. Nice straight blond hair. He got a 'real' job and did decide to cut it. He says he doesn't miss it but liked having it for awhile. Everyone goes through changes in life. If the worst thing you do is to let your hair grow...you'll be just fine. :)

[Sheltie_Momma]

Do you know what the specific objection is?

If it is a perception of untidiness then be certain your skin and hair are very clean and that your appearance overall is clean. I mean your personal style might not be to be super-boring-tucked-in-shirt guy and I don't mean that. What I mean is that, anyone, in any style can be sure that they are clean and that their car, bedroom and bathroom area are clean. Just this one thing can go a long, long way with most parents.

If the objection is based on religion, (i.e biblical references) then, if it is true, you could reasure them that your shared values are still in place.

If the objection is about attitude, then work hard to be helpful and respectful - I think many parents associate longer hair with a bad attitude on young men. I'm not saying that is fair - at all, but when young people change their appearance parents will naturally worry about a range of things like peer influence, drug use, depression, straying away from "how you were raised" etc. So you can help by soothing their worries on those issues.

I know many folks will say "who cares what your parents think?" but parents are important people in our lives and if you can help them feel better about your decisions, I think it is good to try. If afterwards they are unreasonable, mean or judgemental then you can feel like you did your best to work with them and move on to other responses.

Part of being a young adult is learning to respectfully disagree with others. You seem so well composed here on the message boards, I bet you will handle this well in time!

[Bellona]

I'm a female, and 25, and my parents weren't very accepting of MY long hair! They said it looked "unkempt." I ended up cutting it due to pressures from friends and family. I wish I hadn't. Don't let it get to you. They will learn to deal with it -- it is only hair, you're still you.

[Pburgh56]

Wow thank you all. You all bring up some very good points :) It is like I do respect my parents but at the same time my hair does not change who I am. If growing my hair is the worst thing I ever do I think that is good. I mean it definately does not change my attitude and I do not wear it so it looks bad. I keep my bangs out of my eyes and try to make a neat appearance. Also my skin and hygeine is very good. I also always wash, condition and brush my hair to keep it shiny and looking nice. Thats why I say I hope when they see the condition it is and how nice it is long maybe they will change their mind. idk. thanks for the opinions and i look forward to more responses :)

[spidermom]

Sometimes parents do change their minds. My father told me many times that I should cut my hair because it looked like a "big old mess" last year. This year he told me it looks "kind of pretty." Enjoy your hair.

[tja]

When my hair grow longer my parents AND friends start saying that I look so good with short haircuts that I should do something about them! I like myself with short haircuts as well but now I have decided to grow my hair (now they are almost reaching my shoulders), also because I am caring about my hair naturally and I started loving my hair...not worth cutting them now! :p

Be yourself and follow what you feel is good for yourself. This will make you happy and also your family will realize how happy this is making you. Good luck!

[Sheltie_Momma]

Wow thank you all. You all bring up some very good points :) It is like I do respect my parents but at the same time my hair does not change who I am. If growing my hair is the worst thing I ever do I think that is good. I mean it definately does not change my attitude and I do not wear it so it looks bad. I keep my bangs out of my eyes and try to make a neat appearance. Also my skin and hygeine is very good. I also always wash, condition and brush my hair to keep it shiny and looking nice. Thats why I say I hope when they see the condition it is and how nice it is long maybe they will change their mind. idk. thanks for the opinions and i look forward to more responses :)

Hey I totally didn't mean to make it sound like I doubted you were clean and respectful, gosh, (blush) I'm sorry! I just meant that parents do tend to worry or make associations so you know, it may take time for them to realize it's just hair and you are still the same great person. Funny thing is that your hair length now sounds about how I keep my son's hair (he's just five tho'.) and I dread the day when he will decide he wants it shorter. (Or the stupid Texas school system will decide for us)

[Jeepchick99tj]

My grandma always hated long hair. When my sister and I were in grade school, we both had hair to our waist. She took us to her beauty shop and had our hair bowl cut. My mom about came unglued with this being done behind her back!!!

As an adult, my goal was to get back my long hair, so away it grew. I actually hid my hair length from my grandma by wearing it in buns every time I went around her. Finally I wore it down for some holiday. She loves the color of my hair, and I think when she saw all my hair, and how well kept it is, she was won over. When I donated 13", she was the first one to tell me that she hoped I grew it long again.

Good luck!

[Sha-na-na]

Well, truth is, in my opinion, long hair on males looks messy. If I were hiring someone, I would be less likely to hire the male with longer hair, and I would instead hire the clear and well-shaven male.

This only applies to certain professions and certain lifestyles though. This is biased and truly wrong, but society places certain standards on men and women to look a certain way.

I believe your parents are just trying to protect you from people's harsh judgement, but I am sure they want you to be happy. Just assure them that you will clean it up when it comes time and put it in a dignified ponytail or hide it with a hat if it will mean your future or offend someone.

Good luck! I secretly love men with long hair!!!! :D

[Melisande]

Pburg, you are 20. You are old enough to make your own decisions, and young enough to have some time before you have to adapt to society's pressure.

Don't seek confrontation. You can tell your parents: I just want to see how it looks, I can always cut it. When I don't like it any more, I'll cut it. (That's what I tell my mother - and I'm your mother's age!...)

If you take good care of your hair, there is no reason that it should raise negative connotations. My own son had his hair long for some years and I really liked it. Many boys at his school had long hair, and beautiful hair on a young man looks great.

Depending on your surroundings, long hair blends in or stands out. If you want to become a banker, you'll stand out and maybe pay a price. If you want to become a photographer, you'll blend in. Decide, how much pressure can you stand?

Don't forget that every young man with great long hair opens the door a bit for the next one who comes along. If teachers have prejudices against long hair in boys, you may be one of those boys who change it.

I think we shouldn't cement prejudices by our own conforming with the norms. By going against the norm, we can undermine the prejudices. That's good work.

But don't seek confrontation. Play it nice and just see when your family will see how nice you look with long, shining hair.

[Alun]

I agree with everyone else: your parents are not likely to change their minds.

My parents have been disapproving of my long hair for two decades now. The funny thing is that my parents are now senior citizens and I'm approaching middle-age. I'm not a kid any more but my parents still act as if I were.

You too are no longer a kid. As an adult, you can make your own decisions. The only thing that matters is how you feel. I wish you the best in your hair journey! :)
Ed

So true, Ed!

My parents are over 80 and I'm over 50, and have had 'long' hair pretty much since I was 15. Nothing much changes. The only thing is that once you have your own home and family and support yourself it's not so bad.

The fact is my mum doesn't like long hair on anyone. It's not a gender thing. She admits herself that when she was in school, oh so long ago, that girls with long hair got called names by the other girls and got told they had nits, which is another name for lice. Not because they did have nits, but just to taunt them, the way schoolkids do. I imagine that boys with long hair would have got the same treatment, if there had actually been any way back then. I think she can see that this stereotype was irrational, but she still doesn't like long hair. Perhaps for her my long hair conjures up images of nits crawling all over my head, although I've never had them (for which I'm truly thankful).

She has told me (rarely) that my dad doesn't like my long hair, but in all these years he has never said anything about it himself. I imagine he probably doesn't like it, but must have long ago decided (correctly) that it's none of his business.

My dad did relate a funny story about my hair, though. He was comparing notes with another old guy whose son was a green haired punk, and he didn't stop spiking his hair or have natural coloured hair when he 'grew up' and got married/got a mortgage/had kids, etc. It seems they both thought we'd 'grow out of it' and both of them were more surprised than anything that we didn't. I'm glad he told me this, because I thought it was funny!


Well, truth is, in my opinion, long hair on males looks messy. If I were hiring someone, I would be less likely to hire the male with longer hair, and I would instead hire the clear and well-shaven male.

This only applies to certain professions and certain lifestyles though. This is biased and truly wrong, but society places certain standards on men and women to look a certain way.

I believe your parents are just trying to protect you from people's harsh judgement, but I am sure they want you to be happy. Just assure them that you will clean it up when it comes time and put it in a dignified ponytail or hide it with a hat if it will mean your future or offend someone.

Good luck! I secretly love men with long hair!!!! :D

Well, imagine me, working for you!

(That's a line from a song - look it up! :google:)

[Snowflakey]

They may change their mind, they may not. It's your hair, so you should do whatever would make you happiest. When I was growing my hair, my parents and friends would always tell me to cut it because long hair is supposedly a hassle. Now, I have the longest hair out of my family and friends. My family (especially my mom) is proud of the beauty of my hair, and my friends often give me compliments (mixed with jealousy ofcourse). I'm pretty sure that deep down, most females would love long hair, so they will eventually come to accept your hair.

[Madame J]

They probably won't change their minds. People who care enough about this kind of thing to tell you constantly to cut your hair aren't doing it because they think it looks unhealthy or not well-cared-for -- they just don't think guys should have long hair. My husband went through it when he grew his hair out, with all the "let me get my scissors" lines his family had to offer whenever we went back to visit. His mother tried to enlist me to join in, and I told her I thought his hair is lovely and I support whatever he chooses to do with it.

[heatherdazy]

If they're not supporting you, then you have every right to do what you wish and you don't need to justify it to them. If they're still helping you out, though, you might keep it shorter to be respectful of their wishes.

[Shadow Walker]

I was in your position once, growing from a very short buzzcut, and I agree with what everyone else has said. You're not going to change their minds, but maybe your parents will get to the point where they give up trying to talk you out of growing it out and just accept it like mine have done.

[Peter]

I've been in that position too. Parents, siblings, and other family members bugging you frequently about how long your hair is getting and that you need to cut it. What helped me personally is whenever I was told to cut/trim my hair (often in some euphemistic way) I would ask why, and start a discussion. Eventually they realized that they had no real reason other than social/cultural values and dropped it. This doesn't work for some people's families though, so no guarantees unfortunately.

My best advice to you is unless you're being threatened with getting kicked out of the house and you can't support yourself financially, or something of that nature, don't give in. In all honesty, if you're in that kind of situation, IMO it's usually better to wait it out until you're on your own but as always it's up to you.

Good luck on your long hair journey no matter where it takes you. :)

[Sha-na-na]

Well, imagine me, working for you!


Signs, signs, everywhere signs... :thumbsup:

But it is true, no? Keep it under the hat. :D Unless you want to rebel - which can be fun!

[vindo]

As many of you know by now I am just growing my hair out for the first time. I have always dreamed of having amazing long hair and I have decided to grow my buzz cut out to waist length :) I am anxious to have really long hair like this and it is already to my collar and I love it. However, my parents and family are not too accepting of it. I dont know but right now they just do not seem too pleased about the length and the long hair in general :( I was wondering do you think their minds will change once they see how nice it looks or do you have any advice? Thanks.

I don't really think they will change their minds, but they may come to accept it if they see you are serious.
You could have a talk with them about it, let them know why you want long hair and that its not due to any other reasons, they might be worried you had a change in your life.

My parents for example had to accept my goth looks, they were worried about all kinds of crazy things. But once they realized I was not sacrificing kitties on cemetarys on saturday nights and got to know my friends, they were fine with that scene :)

[Flynn]

I think they will. A lot of guys with long hair have unloved, uncared-for long hair, and that is what probably most people unaccostomed to longer-haired men think of first. When they see how lovely, rich, shiny and healthy your hair is because of the love and care you put into it, yes. I think they'll change their mind.

Either that or they'll start calling you a girl. Either way... ;p

[Pburgh56]

Thanks I tend to agree that maybe jsut maybe when they see my long hair is different, that it is shiny and well cared for then maybe they will be okay with it :) You have all put up excellent points and you do not know how much I thank each one of you. I hope they just accept that it is a dream of mine that I would love to reach and it makes me happy :)

[Darian Moone]

I agree with everyone who said that they probably won't change their minds about how they feel about long hair. But that's okay. They don't have to like it - you do. In fact, now that you've reached adulthood there are going to be plenty more things in your life that your parents will not like over the years. I'm not talking about "bad" things, just things that are done differently than they would have done them.

I'm 50 years old and my mother still complains about my long hair. She didn't mind it when I was your age, but now she tells me I'm "too old". :rolleyes: Well, I do know that I'm too old to have my mother tell me how to wear my hair! LOL!

This is likely one of the first of many steps in which you begin to assert yourself as an individual separate from your parents. It's not always easy, but you can do it. :)

Hair was never an issue for me. When my son was 14 he decided to grow his hair to mid-back, then he and his girlfriend bleached their hair one weekend. His art teacher said it was wonderful and she loved his self expression. I had no problem with him growing his hair. I mean, it was just HAIR and it was his hair at that. He deserved the freedom to look the way he wanted to. It's part of growing up and becoming an individual.

Best of wishes to you on your long hair journey!

[Pburgh56]

THanks for the wishes on my journey. I agree that as an individual it is something that I have to do and I have to live my dream and take the steps to do it. Dont worry you are never too old to have amazing long hair. I am a firm believer in that. I dont like as girls get older that they automatically think they have to go to a short cut :( That is awesome your son grew his. How did he wear it when it was long?


I agree with everyone who said that they probably won't change their minds about how they feel about long hair. But that's okay. They don't have to like it - you do. In fact, now that you've reached adulthood there are going to be plenty more things in your life that your parents will not like over the years. I'm not talking about "bad" things, just things that are done differently than they would have done them.

I'm 50 years old and my mother still complains about my long hair. She didn't mind it when I was your age, but now she tells me I'm "too old". :rolleyes: Well, I do know that I'm too old to have my mother tell me how to wear my hair! LOL!

This is likely one of the first of many steps in which you begin to assert yourself as an individual separate from your parents. It's not always easy, but you can do it. :)

Hair was never an issue for me. When my son was 14 he decided to grow his hair to mid-back, then he and his girlfriend bleached their hair one weekend. His art teacher said it was wonderful and she loved his self expression. I had no problem with him growing his hair. I mean, it was just HAIR and it was his hair at that. He deserved the freedom to look the way he wanted to. It's part of growing up and becoming an individual.

Best of wishes to you on your long hair journey!

[rchorr]

It really depends on the people. My mom HATED my long hair. I found out that her mother LOVED long hair and refused to let her cut it. So, she kept mine cut. She told me I could grow it out if I kept it neat and clean myself. Of course, I'm female, so the grief giving wasn't as bad.

My husband's family, on the other hand, are TERRIBLE about this. My DH had long hair, and was given TONS of grief about it. Not only that, I got tons of grief about it! "Why don't you make him cut it?" Well, for one thing, I was the one that asked him to grow it, LOL! One of the things he didn't think about until later was the his grandfather was a barber. He HATED all the loose hairs around, so long hair just drove him nuts.

My son has told me that he would like to grow his hair out (after meeting Dave Decker ;^) I told him he had to help me take care of it. I also warned him that his grandpa and grandma were going to give him a lot of grief about it.

I think the bottom line is if YOU want it long, grow it. Just be prepared for some people not liking it.

RCHORR'

[InTheCity]

Yes, their minds will change when they see long HEALTHY hair.

My mom gave me the "so what are you doing with your hair? Is it down to your butt yet?" kind of sarcasm.

Then last night after having wrapped my hair to make it straight and smooth, she told me how beautiful it looked. It's all about presentation I guess.

[krissykins]

Thanks I tend to agree that maybe jsut maybe when they see my long hair is different, that it is shiny and well cared for then maybe they will be okay with it :) You have all put up excellent points and you do not know how much I thank each one of you. I hope they just accept that it is a dream of mine that I would love to reach and it makes me happy :)

Just know that LHC will always be here to help you out :D we support you!

[Pburgh56]

THanks I am glad I have LHC to help support me it means alot :) I cannot wait to have long healthy hair.

[Pburgh56]

Linda G I thought I'd reply to your questions on here. Im sooo glad that you are letting your son grow his hair long. I think it will turn out nice.
1. i think guys are less tolerant of long hair on men because girls naturally like their own hair so they dont mind it longer.
2.As far as attitutde goes I know myself I havent changed because of my hair. I don't let it get in my face and I still make a nice appearance. Im still me only with long locks.
3 and 4. In terms of cleanliness and tidiness I wash and condition my hair alot and I brush it a few times a day leading it to look really nice and when its long I wont let it go all over the place. I mean ill put it in a nice ponytail or braid.
It def was helpful thanks :) Let me know if you have any more questions please?

I'm a parent of a 16 year old, and I realized how mixed my feelings are on this.

In general, I like to see long hair on males, and I have no objections to the concept.

But my son wants longer hair, and I find myself somehow not wanting him to do it. So I am going to try to examine my feelings, and see what my objections are. Maybe this will help you understand your parents.

1. I know my husband *doesn't* like long hair on men. At all. So I don't really want to encourage my son, because I am not looking forward to that potential conflict.

2. Attitude... my son seems to want to let his hair fall forward over his face, as part of some sort of an attitude that makes me concerned that his teachers might perceive him as having a negative attitude, and I worry that this might affect his school relationships etc. In other words, I am concerned about how others might perceive him.

3. Cleanliness... my son does not seem to do the best job of keeping his hair clean once it begins getting long. This item has been improving recently.

4. Tidiness... my son doesn't seem to see any importance in keeping his hair tidy (dealing with bedhead, tangles, etc).

So.. just speaking for me (and ignoring the first item, which is my problem, since I hate confrontation in general!), I would feel more comfortable with long hair on my son if I felt confident that he would keep it clean, tidy, and out of his face.

I hope this is helpful for you. I know thinking about this has been helpful for me, since I have decided I am going to be more supportive of my son's wish for longer hair.

[linda g]

Linda G I thought I'd reply to your questions on here. Im sooo glad that you are letting your son grow his hair long. I think it will turn out nice.
1. i think guys are less tolerant of long hair on men because girls naturally like their own hair so they dont mind it longer.
2.As far as attitutde goes I know myself I havent changed because of my hair. I don't let it get in my face and I still make a nice appearance. Im still me only with long locks.
3 and 4. In terms of cleanliness and tidiness I wash and condition my hair alot and I brush it a few times a day leading it to look really nice and when its long I wont let it go all over the place. I mean ill put it in a nice ponytail or braid.
It def was helpful thanks :) Let me know if you have any more questions please?

I'm really glad you started this thread, because it helped me take a closer look at my opinion. (And for those of you who say parents won't change their minds - that depends on the parent, now doesn't it?) I feel a lot better that I have relaxed about it, now that I understand the sources of my anxieties about it.

Today I showed him how to encourage his hair away from his face as it dries, since his hair seems to want to fall forward over his face. It is looking very nice. He has wonderful hair, very thick and shiny, and it is going to look good as it gets longer. If he lets me, maybe sometime I can take a picture of his growth, since he is at about the same length as you right now.

Good luck with your parents, if you have a good relationship with them overall, I am sure they eventually be okay with it.

[Pburgh56]

Thanks LInda I apprecitate it :) That is awesome that you are starting to think that your sons hair will look good long. You should definately post some pictures. I do have a good relationship with my parents, actually great. So i thikn over time they will get used to it. I think my mom will actually like braiding my hair and stuff too once it is long. Do you think you will teach your son how to put his hair in a ponytail and braid and that? How open are you with that stuff :)

[linda g]

He is interested in doing a ponytail, and I think that would be a nice way to fix it. He hasn't mentioned braids yet, but his friend has a very nice-looking braid, so who knows? :)

[Pburgh56]

Definately I hope his hair turns out amazing. OKay in your opinion as a mom, how would you approach my mom about growing it to my waist?

[linda g]

Maybe don't start with announcing "waist" :D

Since I don't know your mom's personality, or what her objections might be, it's hard to say, sorry.

[Pburgh56]

That is okay I understand for sure. How did your son approach you if you don't mind me asking?

[linda g]

Bear in mind that he is a lot younger than you...

Over the last few years, he has expressed the wish for longer hair, then it would be time for school or whatever, and his dad or I would get him to get his hair cut shorter, etc... never a buzz cut (like his brother likes), but just shorter than he wanted. But he would go along with it, even if he grumbled about it.

So he has made it known that he like his hair long, but we've pretty much gotten him to get his hair cut.

He hasn't really done any arguing or trying to convince me, but I have seen over time that he is getting better with keeping his hair clean, etc. Also, there was a brief time when what he was wanting to do with his hair *did* have something to do with his attitude, and we seemed to have moved past that.

So it was pretty much on my side, seeing his attitude and that he is caring for his hair properly, and reading your posts and realizing I wasn't being fair to him. Of all the forms of self-expression a young person can have, hair is pretty good, since it can always be cut or grown if they change their mind. And since he has been consistent in wanting it, but without making it a huge problem between us, I am willing to let him do it now.

So I don't suppose that this applies to your situation much. You are older, nearly an adult, so it seems to me that you can let your mom know that you are planning to grow your hair, and if she seems unhappy with it, you can ask her to explain to her what bothers her about it. If you know a bit better what is on her mind, you can reassure her on those points and make it easier for her to understand.

I am saying this with the assumption that you and your mom can have that kind of discussion. It's best to be open and ready to listen to her concerns, and be flexible in your approach, even if you are saying, well, let's grow this to shoulder length and see how it looks.

I hope all this rambling makes some sense.

[yellowchariot]

As many of you know by now I am just growing my hair out for the first time. I have always dreamed of having amazing long hair and I have decided to grow my buzz cut out to waist length :) I am anxious to have really long hair like this and it is already to my collar and I love it. However, my parents and family are not too accepting of it. I dont know but right now they just do not seem too pleased about the length and the long hair in general :( I was wondering do you think their minds will change once they see how nice it looks or do you have any advice? Thanks.

Pburgh56,

I've noticed a trend with long hair and high school / college guys. Its almost as if long hair amongst the crowds are coming back (think of the 60's/70's). Back then you had great music, long hair, and of course, a war going on. If your parents are set in their ways, then most likely that's how they will be until they die, sorry to say though, I have family set in their ways.

If your parents loves to keep up with the media, celebs, fashion, blah blah blah, then once you get long hair, they might not disapprove due to long hair being "culturally acceptable" with this so called "fashion trend" on the rise.

Once my hair was long, people began to accept it, because it was a part of who I am, and I've always done good things and favors for everyone that I know. So now my hair is considered "accepted" LOL.

Just don't let it get you down. I remember some of my family and other people telling me that my hair was so long that I looked like a girl, and I would tell them that "I'm growing it out, so you can have some hair to put on your bald head, be thankful." LOL I would just get as irrelevant as they would. Then I would always get the comment where people tell me "You need a hair cut!" Then I'd reply "You need hair!!!" LOL I know these are mean and crude replies, but. . . it worked! hehe ;) :thumbsup:

[Pburgh56]

Thanks Linda you have been a great help. I am sure your son will appreciate his long hair as it is growing. What does you husband think about it? I think you hit it right on the head too when you said about not going with waist right away. I will probably just compromise at shoulder length until it hits that length then let it get longer and longer till I am at waist.
Yellowchariot thanks for your help. You have amazing long hair so I definately am glad to hear from you too. I am sure I will get the you look like a girl comments too but Ill just shrug them off or shoot back like you do. I definately agree the trend is favoring more long hair tho. How long will you let yours get and do you think the trend will continue to grow?

[Stubborn]

it's your hair. there's no need to "convince" someone to like your hair when you can do what you want witht ince you are an adult

[IslaEve]

If you like it long then that's all that matters, there are so many people that like to tell other people what to wear, how to look etc, or to criticise. You are still 'you', just with longer hair. Plus I think it's good to think for yourself rather than just going along with what everyone else says.
It gets sooo boring, without individuality.

[Pburgh56]

Well thank you I appreciate it I really do. :) You are right im the same person just with longer hair and it does give me individuality.

[david]

yeah, I have to agree. If you announce straight off the bat to your folks that your hoping to grow your hair to waist length they may not be convinced. Just take it slowly, they may accept that your hair is part of you, you take care of it and it looks well on you.

When I announced I was going to grow my hair to my folks they were just concerned that it would look scruffy, not suit me, affect how others first impressions are formed and generally not looked well cared for. As time went by and they saw that I took care of my hair, it looked well, I went for trims every so often to keep in looking healthy they supported me. With regards to length, I didn't tell them my goal was mid back, possibly waist as this may have put them off. Generally people think long hair on men will be a greasy mess with is associated with someone who couldnt care. However, I just showed I am the total opposite to this and I found that when I meet people for the first time they generally compliment me on my hair rather than, get a haircut or look at that scruffy guy. So my advice is just show by example and not get to excited with your folks.

[Pburgh56]

Wow thankd david that really helped alot . Especially because I would love to get my hair like you have gotten yours. I appreciate that. What do you think, I think I will tell them that I want to grow it like to my shoulders or something and then once they see how nice it is I will go from there? I agree with you that I think if they see me getting complimented on it and it making me happy it will sway them. Did your mom ever want to style yours for you or anything?

[JuneBelle]

Hmm..... It looks like you are a guy.... And it sounds like your parents have short hair in mind for guys. So I kind of doubt that you will be able to convince them no matter what. To them, guys look better with short hair. It's their preference. Even if long hair looks good to you, it doesn't mean that it will to them.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. <-- a very true statement


If you have parents that will just let you, just do it whether they prefer it or not; but just let them know that you are doing it because you like it that way, not because you hate them or are trying to defy them or some kind of teenaged angst thing or something. LOL.
If you have nice parents, just nicely ask them to be understanding of what it is that you want to do with your own head. And I think they will be mostly quiet about it, which is all you can expect from them.

[Pburgh56]

I have nice parents so I hope they do the supporting route even tho they do not like it :(

[Yayasmurf]

When my son was 15 he started growing out his hair. I noticed it was getting longer but didn't really care as long as he kept it clean and out of his eyes. It was 28 inches before we cut it... very long and beautiful. I told him of your problem .. he said you should tell your parents exactly what he told me... he was letting it grow so he could donate it to Locks of Love.

We DID NOT donate it to Locks of Love when it was cut! I still have it. :D He was leaving for the military and I could not give it up.

[JuneBelle]

I have nice parents so I hope they do the supporting route even tho they do not like it :(

Well, then I'm confident that you will do fine. :) Give them some credit.

[Pburgh56]

Thanks Junebelle, what would you think if you were a mom and your son asked you if he could grow his hair long?
Yayasmurf thanks soo much. I actually am considering doing a donation to locks of love maybe after my hair is all waist length. Thank your son for all the advice too. How did he style it when his hair was long and did you ever style it for him? Do you regret that he cut it?

[SpinDance]

A few years back my younger son told me he wanted to grow his hair longer. Both boys had mostly wanted buzz cuts because they wouldn't use a comb and when it got in their eyes or got long enough to start to need to be combed they couldn't be bothered and wanted it gone. My oldest still has that attitude - cut it short, let it grow till it starts to need more than a fast towel, shake and go, then cut again.

My youngest wants his longer. I told him he was welcome to grow it out, but only if he kept it clean and nice. He's ended up with it only at collar length, but he has taken great care of it and I must say it sure looks nice. He is very particular about it, wanting it to come straight down in all directions from the crown, but a sort of shaggy-ish many layered cut. He's got big soft waves/curls, so there's lots of action. It's still mainly shake and go, though!

Good luck with the perception of others regarding longer hair. I'm very glad that personal expression seems to be more accepted these days.

Oh, and when I get asked about why my hair is "so long" I just smile and tell people it's an experiment! :)

[Yayasmurf]

Yayasmurf thanks soo much. I actually am considering doing a donation to locks of love maybe after my hair is all waist length. Thank your son for all the advice too. How did he style it when his hair was long and did you ever style it for him? Do you regret that he cut it?
He wore a low ponytail most of the time or a braid in the back... and yes I did all his braiding many times. A few times he wore it in Indian braids hanging in front... just to get a rise out of his theology professor who did not particularly like long hair. But the girls loved his two Indian braids.

I cried the day I had to cut his hair... I almost couldn't see how to cut it for the tears... But it was either I do it or Uncle Sam-Military would do it.

By the way, if you do decide later to donate your hair I would find some other organization to donate it to... we hear some pretty bad things about Locks of Love... they sell some of the hair that is donated and also charge for some of the wigs for children. :cool:

[Pburgh56]

SpinDance it sounds like your son has some pretty nice long hair on him :) Do you think he would ever let it get longer than that. I love the shake and go that my hair gives too and it definately is an experiment :)
yaysmurf I am soo sorry that you found it so hard to cut your son's hair :( A ponytial and braid would be really cute and so would the Indian braids :) I will have to look into them once mine is long. Did you ever straighten or curl it for him? and did he do buns? How did it go for work?

[maxzeen]

Aw sweetie, don't let your parents dissuade you from cutting your hair! You do what YOU want to do with your hair. It's your hair, not your parents. My mom absolutely HATES my hair right now, but i just laugh it off and try and not talk about it with her. Just tell your parents that this is your decision and that's it. Good luck!

[Pburgh56]

Aw sweetie, don't let your parents dissuade you from cutting your hair! You do what YOU want to do with your hair. It's your hair, not your parents. My mom absolutely HATES my hair right now, but i just laugh it off and try and not talk about it with her. Just tell your parents that this is your decision and that's it. Good luck!

Well thank you I really appreciate it :) I hope it turns out well. How did you tell your mom about growing your hair? It is a little different with me being a guy tho :(

[JuneBelle]

Thanks Junebelle, what would you think if you were a mom and your son asked you if he could grow his hair long?
Yayasmurf thanks soo much. I actually am considering doing a donation to locks of love maybe after my hair is all waist length. Thank your son for all the advice too. How did he style it when his hair was long and did you ever style it for him? Do you regret that he cut it?

Hmm..... It's hard to say what I might feel about it. I've heard that having children really changes your outlook on so much....

But, just hypothetically, my personal preference is shorter hair on guys (shoulders and up). However, I can't see myself getting riled about my son wanting to grow out his hair as long as he is doing it because he wanted to, rather than because he wanted to rebel. Like some of the mothers on here said, as long as he took care of it, I wouldn't worry about it.
I can remember waaaay back when I wanted to grow out my hair. I was scared to tell my mother. She was dead set on my hair being shoulder-length. It really wasn't up for debate. Then, when I was 7, I had a horrific incident with a hairdresser who was supposed to just trim my hair. Instead, because she kept cutting it unevenly, she eventually chopped it all off.
Now just imagine me, a girl who wanted her hair to be long enough to go past her waist, having ALL of her hair chopped off up to her head? I was mortified!!! On top of that, there was an incident at a putt-putt golf course where I was mistaken for a boy!!! :-O That gave me enough reason and prompting to refuse to ever go back to a hair salon. LOL My mother is pretty stubborn. It took something like that to allow it.
So I wouldn't want my son to have to go through that to grow his hair. Parents shouldn't be THAT controlling.

[Pburgh56]

Wow great story and thank you so much for sharing :) Im glad you wouldnt be that controlling over your son. I am definately doing mine for the fact that I like it and I will make sure to take care of it to make it beautiful and healthy :) Im sorry about your mishaps with hair :( Just be glad your growing it out again right? My goal is waist :) what do you think?

[yellowchariot]

Yellowchariot thanks for your help. You have amazing long hair so I definately am glad to hear from you too. I am sure I will get the you look like a girl comments too but Ill just shrug them off or shoot back like you do. I definately agree the trend is favoring more long hair tho. How long will you let yours get and do you think the trend will continue to grow?

Thanks, even though I don't consider my hair at it's current length to be long, I appreciate that.

One tip I can offer is wear your hair with confidence, it shows especially when people are starring at you in public, ya know try not to allow your hair to impair your vision or make it seem that you are struggling in public to keep it tamed :silly:! (That's usually where you'll here the snickering!)

I'll probably let mine get around 24" all one length.

I don't know how long the long hair trend of today will last. I'd say within the next 3-5 years it will be in full force among the previous aged group that I had mentioned earlier, it may even extend on out to guys in their late 20's early 30's. Then it may stay for a decade give or take 5 years. Just think back to the 60's/70's era and even the early 80's. That was a 20'ish+ year time frame. So you never really know, It's all based on how the time changes and the era's operate in society. You have the decline of the economy, housing, vehicles, as well as other indirect influences. This may promote the return to long hair and hard rock songs that speak out about politics and so forth.

Oh, and if you haven't already. . . go out and get yourself a guitar! It's the best hair accessory anyone can have! :D

[JamieLeigh]

I'm a parent of a 16 year old, and I realized how mixed my feelings are on this.

In general, I like to see long hair on males, and I have no objections to the concept.

But my son wants longer hair, and I find myself somehow not wanting him to do it. So I am going to try to examine my feelings, and see what my objections are. Maybe this will help you understand your parents.

1. I know my husband *doesn't* like long hair on men. At all. So I don't really want to encourage my son, because I am not looking forward to that potential conflict.

2. Attitude... my son seems to want to let his hair fall forward over his face, as part of some sort of an attitude that makes me concerned that his teachers might perceive him as having a negative attitude, and I worry that this might affect his school relationships etc. In other words, I am concerned about how others might perceive him.

3. Cleanliness... my son does not seem to do the best job of keeping his hair clean once it begins getting long. This item has been improving recently.

4. Tidiness... my son doesn't seem to see any importance in keeping his hair tidy (dealing with bedhead, tangles, etc).

So.. just speaking for me (and ignoring the first item, which is my problem, since I hate confrontation in general!), I would feel more comfortable with long hair on my son if I felt confident that he would keep it clean, tidy, and out of his face.

I hope this is helpful for you. I know thinking about this has been helpful for me, since I have decided I am going to be more supportive of my son's wish for longer hair.

This is a very good response, and I agree with a lot of the points made, especially the bolded part. One thing you might try with your folks is to convince them that you're not just going to run around with dirty, tangly, messy hair once it grows out. Let them know you intend to keep it clean, trimmed and well-cared-for. They might just NOT be long-hair fans, but if this is one of their concerns about the issue, then it's one that you can talk them out of at least. :) Good luck.

[Pburgh56]

Thank you yellowchariot :) I know what you mean. I will definately wear the long hair with confidence :) I def thikn once it is long and I am used to it that I will be acoustumed to it and will wear it with pride. I hope you are right about the trend too. Where will your 24" goal take you do you think?
JamieLeigh thank you so much too. I know exactly what you mean Im not going to be one of those dirty long haired kids. Im going to keep it nice and treat my hair with pride :)