Whew! That was a close one!

[MissMaryMac]

So I have anew co-worker (there are only 2 of us in our office) and it only took her about a week before she started commenting on how plain my hair is. She told me it makes me look older and I should cut some layers and color it so my husband doesn't get bored. Apparently, my bun makes me look old. And plain.

I was this close to going and getting it cut. I picked up the phone to call the salon. Then a little voice said- what are you thinking!!? I decided to wait it out, and am I ever glad I did. Yesterday I was combing my hair and was so proud of how long and pretty it is. If I had cut it I KNOW I would have felt bad about it. Sheesh, that was a close one!:D

[Toadstool]

OMG Who is this woman??? She has NO RIGHT.
I am so outraged by her cheek/disrespect for boundaries/interference in your relationship with your husband, it is hard to find words.
Can you tell her her behaviour is rude, insulting, inappropriate and unacceptable?

[sklent]

How rude of her to comment on your marriage!!
Also, it's pretty DUMB of her to assume your hair is all it will take to bore your husband! I just cut about 10 cm/ 4 inches and my man didn't even notice!

[Isa-belle]

Oh dear! That would have been a shame indeed.

I'm especially shocked at the whole "not boring your husband" comment. First, she is obviously not one of your intimate friends - who does she think she is, giving advice about your marital life? :lol: Second, the assumption that you should cut your hair to please your husband is just plain silly. Our hair is ours, and a husband/wife or SO who loves us presumably respects whatever choices we make about it - and obviously loves us for more than this. If a SO can get bored because of hair, then indeed the relation is seriously flawed - but not because of the hair :rolleyes:

This is all so rude and arrogant. Good thing you didn't listen to her :)

[Whimsical wind]

What makes this woman think she has the right to say any of what she said?! That's just innapropriate and unnacceptable behaviour. Good on you for not listening to her.

[Toadstool]

d.
Second, the assumption that you should cut your hair to please your husband is just plain silly. Our hair is ours, and a husband/wife or SO who loves us presumably respects whatever choices we make about it - and obviously loves us for more than this. If a SO can get bored because of hair, then indeed the relation is seriously flawed - but not because of the hair :rolleyes:
r

What I failed to put into words- thank you:)

[Tangerine]

Well done for listening to your little voice :)
Your colleague is completely out of line. I can imagine it must have caught you off guard! Especially with the personal slant she's put on her criticism. Who does she think she is?!

Does it make it difficult for you to work with her in such confined circumstances (if I understand correctly it is just you and her in the office?) or are you able to rise above it, as it were?

[Runzel]

Congratulations on the near miss. :) What a great opportunity to strengthen those close-ears-to-insulting-advice muscles!

[Tomato]

Ah, yes, that same old "get layers and some colour"- complaint.
I do not consider myself oldfashioned because I wear my hair up. I consider myself not dependent on the fashion & cosmetic industries constant nagging about having to do that, buy that, look that way.
Enjoy your beautiful long hair and be proud of it!

Kind regards frim Vienna,
Tomato

[blondecat]

Just curious, what is the age difference between you and this New co-corker ??

Is she older than you ?

Well done on the growth, Well Done :)

[Newniepg]

Well done on your restraint, I am afraid I would have been hard pressed not to suggest she get a personality transplant...so as not to bore the rest of the world.

I am so glad you decided not to cut and that you are consequently happy. :)

[FallenAngel]

I should cut some layers and color it so my husband doesn't get bored.


That must be the absolutely worst argument ever for cutting your hair!! Ghaaaa!! I've heard Dr Phil argue that it is a wonas duty to look good for her husband, if she's not she has to suit herself if he goes to other woman. Hello????? :mad: This is also an ongoing discussion in Sweden, caused by a TV-show called "Hollywood Wifes", about swedes that has married rich american men (one is Paul Anka)

I just get so MAD when I hear about it... What would a gay couple do? Who should be pretty for who?

Sorry for the hi-jack and the outburst!

Congrats to making a descision for yourself! :)

[MsBubbles]

Well done for exercising your own opinion of yourself and your own free will! It will be easier to do, next time.

I'm not sure how old you are but when I was younger (18 to 24) I seemed to be a magnet for other people's opinion. Now I'm in my forties everybody knows better than to say anything personal about me (to me). I give 'em a Clint Eastwood glare, at best.

[Toadstool]

That must be the absolutely worst argument ever for cutting your hair!! Ghaaaa!! I've heard Dr Phil argue that it is a wonas duty to look good for her husband, if she's not she has to suit herself if he goes to other woman. Hello????? :mad:


WTF?????????:mad:

[09robiha]

I have to say i think im more offended by what she said about you husband. Who is she to comment on your relationships or you hair. How rude!!!

[MissMaryMac]

I agree it was especially rude with the comment involving my husband. I do know better but she said enough to make me question myself. She is about 20 years older than me- but dresses and behaves much younger than me. Our office situation is ok. We have a nice big office and stay busy throughout the day- I wore my hair down on wash day until it dried a bit and she did comment on how pretty it looked down. Thanks for all the support you guys!!!!!:flower:

[freckles]

what a rude woman! I'm glad you didn't let her influence you :)

[florenonite]

That must be the absolutely worst argument ever for cutting your hair!! Ghaaaa!! I've heard Dr Phil argue that it is a wonas duty to look good for her husband, if she's not she has to suit herself if he goes to other woman. Hello????? :mad:

WTF?! That is one of the most misogynistic things I've heard in a while, and I seem to encounter a lot of misogyny.

To the OP, I think the reference to your husband getting bored is far more offensive than her suggestion to cut and colour your hair. Suggesting you cut/colour your hair can be taken as well-meaning (though unsolicited and unwelcome) advice from someone who genuinely believes you would look better if you did so, whether or not you would think you'd look better (and, really, your opinion on your appearance is the only one that matters). Even saying something like "I think your husband would really like it" might be acceptable, if one can assume that she just blurted it out without thinking, but only if she knows your husband, which she doesn't, does she?

However, going to the lengths of your husband getting bored with your hair is extreme no matter who said it, with the possible exception of someone who is close friends with both you and your DH (but even then I'd hope it was a joke).

The only possible explanation I can come up with for her comment is that perhaps she once was in a relationship in which her SO got bored of her hair (or another part of her appearance) and ended the relationship. If that was the case, then there would obviously be underlying factors, but perhaps that triggered it and she is loath to see the same thing happen to someone else. It seems a bit of a farfetched explanation, but perhaps you could give her the benefit of the doubt and if she mentions your hair politely explain that your husband likes it as it is?

[Little_Bird]

You should probably tell her that her layered and colored hair is making her look like she's trying too hard to get a husband...

Because your husband should love your hair, as long as YOU love it...

:flower:

[Medievalmaniac]

AMAZING... you must have hired a very insecure and unhappy nitwit. My condolences that you have to work in the same office as such a negative waste of energy.

[Sheltie_Momma]

The husband part is the worst to me - I've been told once that if I didn't stop cosleeping with our baby that my husband would "suffer"; this from a pediatrician and elder at our church. We swithched pediatricians and kept co-sleeping because we know what works for us. Anyway, I'm always very leary of anyone that gives that kind of "marital" advice. Sounds like you handled it well and I'm glad you didn't cut your hair!

[Lamb]

She is about 20 years older than me- but dresses and behaves much younger than me.

That might explain it. It might be a generational thing. I remember a marriage advice book from the sixties-seventies (written by a German author, I think) which told women that husbands liked "variety" and, in order to keep them under the illusion that they had a harem, wives should wear a different nightgown/chamisole every night, look always fresh and new, etc. etc. Yeah, it made me :puke: But if your co-worker was brainwashed in her youth to think like this, she probably just gave you the line that was drilled into her head when she was your age or younger.

[JamieLeigh]

Don't EVER listen to anything like that again!!!! How can a complete stranger even venture to guess what your husband will like? That's so ridiculous, and very rude. I would have immediately called my husband, right in front of her - just for laughs, and said, "Hey, guess what I just heard you don't like??" :D

I'm glad that you realized your hair is about YOU and what YOU like. Not what some random person in an office thinks your husband would like. I'm sorry, but I'm offended for you AND your husband.

[ambychelle]

ha ha ha..

If my husband is bored with anything about my hair, it's just that I talk about it so much and it bores him.

I'd probably have some something sickeningly sweet like "My husband is so fantastic that the one thing that makes him happiest is when I'm happy. THIS hair makes me happy and he loves that I'm happy."

[Maddy25]

Good job resisting! The beauty of long, natural hair is unique and special and you shouldnt let other peoples standards of what they think is beautiful affect the way you think about yourself. Your hair is healthy, beautiful princess hair :)

[Konstifik]

I think the proper name for that little voice would be Sanity. Good thing you has it! You could teach a few things to that woman about it...

[Xandergrammy]

Ewwww... I'm so sorry you have to work with this dreadful person. I can't even imagine saying anything like to anyone, let alone someone I just started working with. I'm so glad you didn't listen to this nasty woman.

[Jason]

A look through your photo album reveals your hair to be nothing short of spectacular! I'm so glad you didn't listen to this rude woman. I can't get over her nerve!

[sally_neuf]

wow!! How rude.. I don't know why, I think people just have seen too many make-over shows, and they all think they are stylist. It's always the same. When I had pixie hair, people used to tell me "Ohh your hair is lovely you should let it grow" (I never listened of course). Now that I have decided to let it grow (it's neck lenght almost) they are already telling me "Mmm.. I'm hoping you'll get layers or something, it's gonna look very boring" like... OMG! It's not even long and you are already planning to chop it off!!!

Glad you didn't listen. If you want to cut your hair for yourself is great, not because some else thinks you're gonna look awesome!:o

[Rivanariko]

I cannot believe the audacity of this woman! I think we're all pretty used to the "you should cut/color/layer/straighten/perm/give-a-pony-to your hair" comments, but suggesting that the success of your marriage relies on it? Where does she get off?

I'm not married myself, but I know growing up, my dad used to always cringe when my mom was going to the salon. He hated when she changed her hair, ad would have loved it if she just left it natural to grow and do it's own thing. Of course, she didn't style it for him, she styled it for HER because SHE likes the way it looks permed/layered/colored/etc. and he's happy that she's happy with it, even if he would prefer if it was long and natural.
(side note, he loves that I just let my hair grow and don't do anything with it and is absolutely FASCINATED by my braid waves, lol!)

[Anje]

I remember a marriage advice book from the sixties-seventies (written by a German author, I think) which told women that husbands liked "variety" and, in order to keep them under the illusion that they had a harem, wives should wear a different nightgown/chamisole every night, look always fresh and new, etc. etc.
OK, I'll agree that at least some men like "variety", but that doesn't necessarily mean they want a variety of women, or that they want you to completely revamp your appearance on a regular basis. Sheesh!

I agree -- though it makes a little more sense that someone older than you thinks they can give you advice, the comments on your appearance and your marriage are entirely un-called for, especially from someone who hasn't known you well or long.

If she tries something like that again, you might need to reach for something sufficiently embarrassing to get her to shut up. "I'll have you know that my husband likes how I look, and he likes (I mean, really likes, nudge nudge wink wink) my hair." Hopefully that will get her to keep her opinions to herself rather than think that she can engage in naughty girl talk with you.

If you don't like that, something like "I'm not here to decorate your world" seems to be a perennial favorite. Dress and do your hair exactly how you want to, and don't let anyone undermine your confidence.

[Loreley]

She is a cheeky woman indeed...
My grandma always says I should cut my hair back to shoulder length. I always tell her won't and I'll grow it much longer just to annoy her. :rolling:
Obviously this is not the main reason I'm growing it but it's so good to tell her this. :joy:

[marzipanthecat]

She told me it makes me look older and I should cut some layers and color it so my husband doesn't get bored. Apparently, my bun makes me look old. And plain.



Oh dear, I would have automatically replied with something so smutty about my husband not being bored with me...

(I have a naughty, filthy mind...)

[Shermie Girl]

My, my. Doesn't she have gall? I am always amazed that total strangers or co workers feel that it is their calling in life to give fashion and relationship advise to everyone around them. They should just keep their mouths shut.

[friskybiznus]

My hubby happens to LOVE my hair and he would shoot anyone who talked me into cutting/coloring it!! I swear if some people would just stop and look in the mirror instead spending so much time trying to "fix" everyone around them....

[enfys]

Aaaaaarrrrghhhhhh. If any stranger suggested my husband would leave me because of a bun I'd probably be equally rude to them.

She sounds a bit mutton-dressed-as-lamb so many she's feels anyone young not trying to look young is wasting their share of what she wants so much?

It's just an odd attitude to have when you should be making riends if you're new.

[eadwine]

She knows what your husband likes? Ehh?

Pshh her *makes wave away move with hand*

[Birdman]

Just continue bing yourself,. don't let anyone tell you what to do with your heai.

Jerome

[Birdman]

oops Coreetion
Just be yourself. Do not let anyone tell you what to do with your hair


Jerome

[RancheroTheBee]

I originally wrote this huge, ironic tirade that basically outlined what other's have said here. It's obvious your marriage does not teeter precariously on your decision to unbun your hair, get it all chopped off and highlighted. Obviously, your husband is more than content with your appearance, or he would have said something by now.

I'm kind of bemused by her rudeness. I'm thrilled that you realized what makes you happy, and not to listen to her. :flower: We're all proud of you.

[MissMaryMac]

You guys are all so funny, and really have me feeling so much better about this.:D

[Kiraela]

Yikes, that woman has.. issues. how dare she decide what your husband wants, without knowing you, or him?

I know for a fact that short, colored hair bores DBF. He loves the variations in my natural color, and long hair is more fun for him because of all the different styles I can do, etc.

[rogue_psyche]

Okay, for one, your hair is NOT plain. Two, who is she to tell you what your husband will like or not? In my case, I know my DBF would be very sad if I chopped. He was secretly really sad when I chopped to shoulder. Maybe your husband isn't as into long hair as my DBF, but he probably sees your long hair as something inherently you, since you've been growing it for years.

[Elenna]

None of us know this co-worker, but why is she interfering with your hair and marriage? She had no right to dictate to you about your hair and tie it to what your marriage was like.

It makes me wonder if she has nothing better to do? She may be projecting her own insecurities and boring life on you.

Lots of men love long hair.

Growing long hair doesn't make a person look older.

I've seen some awesome buns here on LHC.

[Spring]

OMGoodness!! Your hair is so beautiful! I can't believe this woman would even go there. I'm so glad you didn't do anything based on her opinion.

[marikamt]

OMG Who is this woman??? She has NO RIGHT.
I am so outraged by her cheek/disrespect for boundaries/interference in your relationship with your husband, it is hard to find words.
Can you tell her her behaviour is rude, insulting, inappropriate and unacceptable?

Seriously!!!! And she is not even a close "friend"or family... not that it would make it excusable then, but really she is a STRANGER (and a rude one at that!) :disgust:

[Taika]

Those remarks from your coworker were very rude... I cant help but wonder that maby she was jealous of your beautiful hair. ;)

[82exoticbeauty]

Maybe I think it's jealousy because your hair is longer than hers! Don't listen to the lady who made rude remarks! If she says what she says, maybe she doesn't like long hairs and try to convince you into putting you down about the long hair negative remarks! She needs to respect about long hair ladies and guys too! If she still says rude remarks about your hair more often! You should work away from her or something!:)

[Amara]

Ugh! What a disgusting attitude! :P

[jera]

Congratulations on the near miss. :) What a great opportunity to strengthen those close-ears-to-insulting-advice muscles!

I so agree. Congrats on remaining strong in the cold face of temptation. Your beautiful long hair will thank you. :)

:cheese:

[QueenAnne'sLace]

But if your co-worker was brainwashed in her youth to think like this, she probably just gave you the line that was drilled into her head when she was your age or younger.

This could be very possible. Also, the tv is saturated with makeover shows (another recent thread topic) in which fashion"experts" make very personal and scathing critiques. The show then presents this approach as positive and necessary to break the person's esteem down enough to "make them listen". The person comes out of these shows flouncing around and acting foolish and not themselves, proclaiming that they are oh so happy now.
The message? Mocking/critiquing/pestering is the only way to get through to a person, and is in fact good for them. Clearly your coworker buys into this.

All I have to say to that is :bs:.

[Bianca]

That must be the absolutely worst argument ever for cutting your hair!! Ghaaaa!! I've heard Dr Phil argue that it is a wonas duty to look good for her husband, if she's not she has to suit herself if he goes to other woman. Hello????? :mad:

I have always disliked that guy :steam

[Kris Dove]

I agree with the others here- what a rude woman!

Incidentally, my OH really likes my bun...

[bushytailed]

One time I was talking to a friend about how I hate getting my finger nails cut by someone else. I always do my own nails. I told her that when someone else cut my nails, it hurt (which it did) and she said to me "Is that why you never cut your hair" I was hurt and really taken back by her comment.

It made me realize that she must think about my hair, my look, my whatever.......and then it made my friendship with her become distant.

Your hair, no matter what it looks like, is yours. And you should always do what you did; trust your instincts. You did the right thing. You are happy? Well in my opinion, that is very important.

[BlueWaterRed]

Maybe your co-worker is actually worried about boring her own husband or boyfriend ...

[Fiferstone]

I too, took a quick peek at your album and you have gorgeous hair and very lovely, elegant buns, not boring or old-maidy at all. It's unbelievable what people think they can say to someone else they only know from work (being in the same office space for 8 hours gives some people the illusion that they know someone well enough to offer unsolicited advice, I guess). I'm very glad you did not cut it. Not all old ladies are brainwashed into believing layered, frosted, colored bobs are the only way to go. this soon to be 48 year old is working her way toward tailbone. I hope to get there by April 2010. Hang on to your gorgeous locks and to heck with what other people think

[longhairedfairy]

I just took a look at your album. As if your husband could get bored with that!