The opposing view of 'you should cut'.

[GlassEyes]

This occurred to me while looking over the male board (I don't post much, just lurk from time to time).

We have all seen the threads about people telling us, or at least, suggesting to us that we should cut our hair. Yet on the opposite end, I've seen posts about people telling their friends they ought to grow their hair.

Sure, this might be because they think it would look nice longer, they want a buddy to grow with, etc., but isn't it the same thing. People here have taken 'you should cut your hair' as 'you don't look good now, you should change', and isn't the opposite also true?

Here's a mock situation.

Holly: Hey, Bill! Wait up!
*runs*
Bill: Oh, hey Holly? What's up?
Holly: Not much, just walking to the salon down the street, my hair's been getting long again, so...
Bill: Oh, really? You should let it grow.
Holly:...why?
Bill: Well, I just think it'd look nice long. I mean it looks nice now--
Holly: And it didn't look nice when I got it cut?
Bill: No, that isn't what I--
Holly: So I don't look good now, is that it?
Bill: Hey, I didn't say--
Holly: How DARE YOU! *swallows him whole* *burps* How do you like my hair now? Huh!? HUH!?

-This dramatization was brought to you by the deep recesses of GlassEyes's mind. Enjoy-

Ahem. Anyway, despite the ending, you can see my point. That's not to say that you can't say 'oh, it'd look nice long' or something, but sometimes, a suggestion is just that--a suggestion. If it isn't offered maliciously or forcefully, there's really no reason to attack it. I know, I know, everyone thinks that anything of interest warrants an opinion--but like it or not, that's the way everyone is. XD;

Anyway, I just wanted to make this thread to see what you guys thought of it. I thought it was worth posting.

[heatherdazy]

Every day I tell people they should grow their hair longer or cut it shorter. But... you know... they ask...

[akurah]

I'm of the mind you shouldn't make comments about peoples' hair, weight, choice of dress, anything regarding preference, unless directly asked.

And even then I'm of the mind you should keep your yap shut if it risks hurt feelings. Its such a trivial thing, those things I've listed, and not worth fighting over, but **** like that has been the cannon fodder that ended friendships. Seriously.

I suspect more people have that mindset here versus the one you suggested as a foil to "you should cut it!" for the same reason why we despise "you should cut it" remarks. Nobody likes being told what to do with their hair, etc.

[GlassEyes]

Every day I tell people they should grow their hair longer or cut it shorter. But... you know... they ask...
That's a bit different than what I'm talking about...XD;

[GlassEyes]

I'm of the mind you shouldn't make comments about peoples' hair, weight, choice of dress, anything regarding preference, unless directly asked.

And even then I'm of the mind you should keep your yap shut if it risks hurt feelings. Its such a trivial thing, those things I've listed, and not worth fighting over, but **** like that has been the cannon fodder that ended friendships. Seriously.

I suspect more people have that mindset here versus the one you suggested as a foil to "you should cut it!" for the same reason why we despise "you should cut it" remarks. Nobody likes being told what to do with their hair, etc.
No kidding.

I'm just offering a way of thinking about it--though it should be a general rule that you not really comment on what others do, people have, and ALWAYS will. If what you said were universally true, I wouldn't have thought of this, now would I?

[Quixii]

Huh. Interesting point. I mean, I've thought about it before, but.. I dunno. I have one guy friend that always grows his hair out pretty long during the year, and then cuts it right before the summer. I always beg him not to cut it (but he always does). I assumed that because he bothered to grow it out in the first place, my telling him not to cut it wouldn't be seen like people telling to me to cut mine, but.. maybe not. *brain confusion*

[Elphie]

I tend to stay quiet about my opinions of other people's appearances unless they make it known first. If someone starts mentioning how they're considering growing out a style or how they'd like to braid their hair like mine, then I open up my yap and start yammering. Till then, you're fine, just as you are.

[LittleOrca]

That dramatization is so inaccurate!

I am on a low-man diet. They go right to my hips.

;) :lol: :flower:

[florenonite]

That dramatisation had me laughing out loud. Seriously.

I try (keyword being "try" :rolleyes:) not to get offended when people tell me I should cut my hair or dye it or something, because I tend to blurt out things like "I think your hair would look really good long". I try not to say "you should", but it means the same thing, essentially. I don't mean that their hair looks bad the way it is; in fact it's usually because it looks good the way it is and I think it would be absolutely breathtaking if there was twice as much of it. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they mean it as a compliment, as I do.

Of course, I also vehemently opposed my friend's cutting his hair because his hair was beautiful long, so maybe I'm just far too open with my opinions. I have a tendency to not think about the repurcussions of what I say until people get upset, and then fifty billion things I could have said (not to mention the option to keep my mouth shut) appear in my brain.

But, yeah, long story short, if you are the type to get offended by people saying you should cut (or dye, or flatiron), try to think of it as a compliment. If that doesn't work, then maybe they're just projecting their ideals and preferences onto you (which I think I tend to do with regards to long hair. See friend above who cut his hair). It doesn't mean they think your preferences are inferior to theirs, just that they're expressing their own preferences.

[Flynn]

With really close friends, it's one thing. When I chopped the lot off, I had several friends begging me not to. Then when I stopped cutting it (too expensive! O.o ) most of the same friends mourned my fluffy funky spikes! XD All the "ohmigosh, you should" and "ohmigosh, you shouldn't" -s are taken as "take this with a grain of salt". As a result, I don't really mind close friends saying "wow, you should cut it!" or "You should try to grow it longer!~"

Other people outside that super-close group, though, it's not my business what they do, and not their business what I do, and I agree that an unasked-for statement or recommendation about any part of one's appearance is way outta line.

Exceptions: cases like Little Orca's henndigo request thread. While she did not directly ask for an opinion on it, I think all of us who did tell her that as-is it looks natural were not overstepping the mark. Similarly a healthy person with a healthy diet asking for weightloss advice -- requestees would be justified in saying that as the person is already healthy, and looked great (or whatever) they shouldn't really worry about weightloss. While not directly asked for, in those cases the topic has been thrown out for discussion, and I think it is therefore not so out of line to say something.

[Renbirde]

That dramatization is so inaccurate!

I am on a low-man diet. They go right to my hips.

;) :lol: :flower:
So you're the cannibal! I never would have guesed!

[/other thread joke. We will now return to our sheduled programme.]

[Cassi]

I have to say I am fairly complimentary even if I don't like a new color, cut, etc. I try to find something neutral even if I hate it.

Example. Someone might get a corkscrew perm and resemble a poodle. I say "wow it is so curly, do you like it?" in as positive sounding voice as possible. I didn't have to say it was nice, but the other person generally takes it as a compliment because they think looking like a poodle is a good thing. Or... "wow your hair is really short. I bet that feels great in this heat!" See.... easy peasy. :)

[florenonite]

I have to say I am fairly complimentary even if I don't like a new color, cut, etc. I try to find something neutral even if I hate it.

Example. Someone might get a corkscrew perm and resemble a poodle. I say "wow it is so curly, do you like it?" in as positive sounding voice as possible. I didn't have to say it was nice, but the other person generally takes it as a compliment because they think looking like a poodle is a good thing. Or... "wow your hair is really short. I bet that feels great in this heat!" See.... easy peasy. :)

And if you can't find anything remotely neutral to say, then you tell them you're glad that they're happy with it ;)

[GlennaGirl]

Holly: Hey, Bill! Wait up!
*runs*
Bill: Oh, hey Holly? What's up?
Holly: Not much, just walking to the salon down the street, my hair's been getting long again, so...
Bill: Oh, really? You should let it grow.
Holly:...why?
Bill: Well, I just think it'd look nice long. I mean it looks nice now--
Holly: And it didn't look nice when I got it cut?
Bill: No, that isn't what I--
Holly: So I don't look good now, is that it?
Bill: Hey, I didn't say--
Holly: How DARE YOU! *swallows him whole* *burps* How do you like my hair now? Huh!? HUH!?



I would actually agree with Holly's reaction here. If you're telling someone, one way or another, how you think he or she looks "better," you are telling him or her that you don't like his or her looks now.

Unless "Bill" above is being honest that he likes her hair both ways...in which case, why would he decide to tell her which way he "thinks" she should go?--I mean if he likes it both long and short.

What kind of sense does that make? Why bring up the subject of doing something opposite to what she wants to do, in the first place? Except maybe to get a reaction? Or to be overbearing or something...

I think you meant this as an illustration on how mild these "suggestions" can be, but this one is just as bad as "you should cut it". What would possess anyone to dig in about either? Even in a "nice" way? Unless the person specifically asked for it (which friends do--a la "Should I wear the pink shirt or the green one?").

[GlennaGirl]

No kidding.

I'm just offering a way of thinking about it--though it should be a general rule that you not really comment on what others do, people have, and ALWAYS will. If what you said were universally true, I wouldn't have thought of this, now would I?

Huh??? Now I'm confused. I mean, you asked for our reactions...right? :confused:

[Finoriel]

Ha, that´s why I do not suggest how others should wear their hair. Ever.
I won´t tell anyone to cut their hair and I won´t tell anyone to grow their hair either, nor would I suggest other colours, cuts, whatever. It´s simply not my business how other people wear their hair :shrug: I don´t need to like it, nor need to compliment it, nor need to criticise it. Eventually they really like it and they are the only ones who matter in that scenario. Esentially it´s like suggesting to wear ´more flattering´ clothes or to recommend loosing/gaining weight, doing more sports to get in shape etc.
Borderline rude, passive aggressive and just unasked for - so I don´t do it. In fact I would react similar to Holly, just that I would not eat Bill :gabigrin: I would make a hairfork or two out of his bones though.

[Lamb]

I would actually agree with Holly's reaction here. If you're telling someone, one way or another, how you think he or she looks "better," you are telling him or her that you don't like his or her looks now.

Ah, but Bill was only saying Holly's hair would look nice long. Which doesn't exclude that it looks nice now as it is. ;)

Honestly, such remarks as "you should cut/grow your hair" do not bother me. (Unless they are accompanied by some other, disparaging remark, such as "no man will want you, all men hate short hair"; "you look like some old hippie"; "you are too old for long hair"; "you look terrible with this hairstyle"; "you are like some soccer mom" etc.) Opinions, we all have at least one. ;)

[Chromis]

My personal guidelines:

Never say anything about someone's appearance to them that is not a compliment.
It's not a true compliment if there is a qualifier!
Only make statements of encouraging people to do things if you already know they are working on those things (and even then, never on weight!)
No mentions of weight, period. Gaining, losing, not my business!

I often compliment people's clothing, even completely random people! I also often complement hair colour or jewelry. I'm not shy about making suggestions, but *only* when asked.

[Toadstool]

Every day I tell people they should grow their hair longer or cut it shorter. But... you know... they ask...
......ROFL:)

[Armelle]

Oh my...I feel so guilty now. :o
A friend of mine, a guy, cut his wonderful hair off recently and I've been ragging him about it. And he is letting it grow back out to appease me. :hmm:

[spidermom]

I only make suggestions if somebody is complaining about their hair to me. Otherwise it's none of my business. I have asked my DH to grow his hair longer, which he declined, but he tells me stuff like I need to work on toning my abs and hiney so I'm entitled.

[JamieLeigh]

I don't push the whole "grow long" thing down people's throats, at least I don't think I do. I've always tried to look at it from the other perspective, and I wouldn't like it if someone were always trying to get me to cut. I simply admire long hair, and most of the time, I compliment long hair rather than try to get shorties to grow long. Although I do encourage them at least once to TRY it long and see what happens. :D

I do have a good friend who is extremely varied in the way she styles her hair - she'll grow it to elbow and get sick of it, and cut it off. And then she'll miss it and grow it back out. That sort of thing. I do think her face and figure are more flattered by her hair being long - and it's an amazing natural strawberry blonde that you don't usually see naturally - so I tend to encourage her growth. But I still love her when it's short, even though it's not my preference.

Even here on this site, I've been known to encourage cutting (*gasp!*) when someone is not happy with their hair. More than once, actually. I'm not afraid of scissors. ;)

[Tanuki]

I only really suggest things to sisters. One managed to make her hair super thin with the crap she did to hers and the other is bleach happy. Nobody listens so I just keep my opinions to myself most times

[GlassEyes]

I would actually agree with Holly's reaction here. If you're telling someone, one way or another, how you think he or she looks "better," you are telling him or her that you don't like his or her looks now.

Unless "Bill" above is being honest that he likes her hair both ways...in which case, why would he decide to tell her which way he "thinks" she should go?--I mean if he likes it both long and short.

What kind of sense does that make? Why bring up the subject of doing something opposite to what she wants to do, in the first place? Except maybe to get a reaction? Or to be overbearing or something...

I think you meant this as an illustration on how mild these "suggestions" can be, but this one is just as bad as "you should cut it". What would possess anyone to dig in about either? Even in a "nice" way? Unless the person specifically asked for it (which friends do--a la "Should I wear the pink shirt or the green one?").
Actually, I meant it both the way you said, and in the mild way. One, to show that such suggestions aren't always malicious, and shouldn't be attacked overmuch, and to show how such things can be taken--i.e., the reaction. So it works both ways, if that makes sense.

And as far as akurah's post, I must have mistook it. I read it as a condescending attack on what I had said, rather than just an opinion. Thus, my reaction.

[sneakybea]

I think Glasseyes has a good point, both about not taking it too hard when people suggest we cut our hair and not trying to talk people into growing their hair if that's not what they want to do. I do think, however, that there's a difference between telling someone once what to do with his or her hair, and continuing to tell him or her that once s/he has said s/he doesn't want to. If a friend tells me "you should cut your hair" once, that's expressing an opinion; if I say "I'd rather not" and they keep suggesting it, that's ignoring MY opinion, and much ruder, I feel.

[Unofficial_Rose]

I normally don't comment on anyone's hair unless they asked me to, for fear of offence.

However, someone at work was off for a haircut (curly mullet thing :rolleyes:) and I asked her if she'd ever thought about growing it. Surely that's OK, because it implies that their hair is nice enough to be worth growing more of, if you see what I mean. It was nice dark brown curly hair, would have looked good a bit longer. I did not say anything negative about the, erm, existing cut she maintained.

Whereas "I think you should cut it" may imply that you think the hair is not so nice and it would be better if there was less of it. (Although you might just prefer the look of shorter hair).

So, in summary (!) it would seem less insulting to suggest to grow it, rather than cut it,

[Shiva]

The only person I have been bugging to let their hair grow is my mother. She's opted for that new, trendy cut that's been going around... I call it the "chicken butt haircut" because the back is cut all short and punked out while the front is just a tad bit longer.

My mom looks great with longer hair. Ironically while she was going to beauty school and all the other students were experimenting on coloring and cutting thier own hair my mom let hers grow a bit. She looked great.

I know it's her hair, but I feel I can bug her about this because after all she is my mom. :D

[Tangles]

I only make suggestions if somebody is complaining about their hair to me. Otherwise it's none of my business. I have asked my DH to grow his hair longer, which he declined, but he tells me stuff like I need to work on toning my abs and hiney so I'm entitled.

Yeah, that's kind of insensitive of your DH, considering that you've been working out so hard of your own initiative... I guess he is getting spoiled by your being in shape. :D These things take TIME, darn it.

I'm another that doesn't comment on these sorts of things unless asked or if it's a close friend and they're complaining nonstop about something they don't like about themselves.

But any comment, solicited or not, is just that, ONE comment from ONE individual. For all I know, my opinions could be dead wrong you know? I don't put too much stock in what one person says, except... mayb e... my mom. Heh.

[mwedzi]

I told a guy I was dating that he should grow his hair out. He did grow it out a little, but didn't like it so cut it. And that was cool, just thought it might be interesting to try.

I think people may be a little too sensitive. As long as the comment isn't extreme, a "you would look good with X" isn't necessarily a terrible thing. People told me frequently what I should do with my hair. *shrug* It's their opinion, I might even take it into account, and it might be a good suggestion! I don't have to do anything, so their suggestion doesn't bother me too much.

[brista]

The only person I have been bugging to let their hair grow is my mother. She's opted for that new, trendy cut that's been going around... I call it the "chicken butt haircut" because the back is cut all short and punked out while the front is just a tad bit longer.

That sounds like the flippin' Kate Gosselin reverse mullet. Yick. I'm trying to be a "live and let live" kind of girl, but I just don't think that hairstyle is flattering or cute on anyone, least of all the conservatives moms that have been going for it lately.

[apynip]

I'm always trying to convince my mom to grow her hair out. she's yet to be convinced. other wise i dont make sugestions to anyone else on their hair.

[florenonite]

That sounds like the flippin' Kate Gosselin reverse mullet. Yick. I'm trying to be a "live and let live" kind of girl, but I just don't think that hairstyle is flattering or cute on anyone, least of all the conservatives moms that have been going for it lately.

The thing that boggles me about the style is that it's not a conservative (in any sense of the word, IMO) style; it's one I'd associate with very individualistic people. On such people, particularly if it's brightly coloured, it's a fashion statement, a kind of flip-off at the fashion world by doing things "backwards", and kind of cool.

However, I don't get that vibe when I see it on soccer moms with blonde highlights. Their attire and demeanour tend to suggest that they're following a trend, which they probably are. On them it looks out of place, like a businessman in a suit with pink socks.

[Chromis]

The thing that boggles me about the style is that it's not a conservative (in any sense of the word, IMO) style; it's one I'd associate with very individualistic people. On such people, particularly if it's brightly coloured, it's a fashion statement, a kind of flip-off at the fashion world by doing things "backwards", and kind of cool.

However, I don't get that vibe when I see it on soccer moms with blonde highlights. Their attire and demeanour tend to suggest that they're following a trend, which they probably are. On them it looks out of place, like a businessman in a suit with pink socks.

What if he's wearing a pink shirt to go with them? Okay, okay I know matching your shirt to your socks is passe and whatnot according to the fashion mavens, but it just makes the most striking image in my head! Sleek black suit (grey could do too), bright pink shirt, bright pink socks and immaculately polished wingtip shoes (aka brogues)...

[florenonite]

What if he's wearing a pink shirt to go with them? Okay, okay I know matching your shirt to your socks is passe and whatnot according to the fashion mavens, but it just makes the most striking image in my head! Sleek black suit (grey could do too), bright pink shirt, bright pink socks and immaculately polished wingtip shoes (aka brogues)...

If he's wearing a pink shirt to match his socks, then he's just awesome :D I think pink shirts look really cool with men's suits, for some reason.

[longhairedfairy]

The thing that boggles me about the style is that it's not a conservative (in any sense of the word, IMO) style; it's one I'd associate with very individualistic people. On such people, particularly if it's brightly coloured, it's a fashion statement, a kind of flip-off at the fashion world by doing things "backwards", and kind of cool.

However, I don't get that vibe when I see it on soccer moms with blonde highlights. Their attire and demeanour tend to suggest that they're following a trend, which they probably are. On them it looks out of place, like a businessman in a suit with pink socks.
Like in The Birdcage movie? That's the image that instantly came to my mind.:D

[florenonite]

Like in The Birdcage movie? That's the image that instantly came to my mind.:D

I haven't seen it, I'll have to look into it now!

[adiapalic]

That dramatisation had me laughing out loud. Seriously.

I try (keyword being "try" :rolleyes:) not to get offended when people tell me I should cut my hair or dye it or something, because I tend to blurt out things like "I think your hair would look really good long". I try not to say "you should", but it means the same thing, essentially. I don't mean that their hair looks bad the way it is; in fact it's usually because it looks good the way it is and I think it would be absolutely breathtaking if there was twice as much of it. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they mean it as a compliment, as I do.

Of course, I also vehemently opposed my friend's cutting his hair because his hair was beautiful long, so maybe I'm just far too open with my opinions. I have a tendency to not think about the repurcussions of what I say until people get upset, and then fifty billion things I could have said (not to mention the option to keep my mouth shut) appear in my brain.

But, yeah, long story short, if you are the type to get offended by people saying you should cut (or dye, or flatiron), try to think of it as a compliment. If that doesn't work, then maybe they're just projecting their ideals and preferences onto you (which I think I tend to do with regards to long hair. See friend above who cut his hair). It doesn't mean they think your preferences are inferior to theirs, just that they're expressing their own preferences.

This happens with my immediate family so much, I could turn slap inside out. Not so much about hair, but other stuff. Keeping with the topic at hand though, I don't think I have ever told anyone outside my family what they should do with their hair--because anyone in my family is crazy enough not to be thin-skinned about it.

[juliaxena]

When my hair was longer and my mum said it's really pretty and that I should cut it, she really meant I should trim my ends. Then she trimmed them for me, just as much as it was neccessary. She made it look great. She simply likes blunt ends and thick hemline, thats all. So maybe when people say to you that you should cut your hair, they don't neccessairily think that your hair is looking terrible.