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View Full Version : Here's my dilemma..what to do about cutting?



Curlsgirl
August 31st, 2009, 08:38 AM
I have really really been a bit unhappy with my hair lately. Since the last 4 inches or so the curl has really loosened a lot. Also, I just can't do the styles I used to with as much ease. DH LOVES my long hair and wants me to keep growing which I really am so happy about. And also I am not totally sure I wouldn't be sorry if I cut now. My hair grows so slowly and especially looks even more slowly because of the waves/curls. I guess I could just trim an inch or something but doubt that would really help.

Can you all talk me through this? I don't like being unhappy with my hair.

Lamb
August 31st, 2009, 08:43 AM
Are you sure it is the length which has loosened the curl? This is counter-intuitive advice (and presumptuous from a shortie like me!), but have you thought about shampooing more often? I have noticed that the cleaner my hair is, the better it absorbs moisture from conditioner and leave-ins.

You've posted a lot about headaches and uncomfortably heavy hair or tight updos lately. Again, not sure if it's the hair that causes this. Scalp tenderness and headaches might be due to overall stress, and environmental factors, you may want to review your daily life and fix whatever is wrong.

But again, with waist-length hair, I'm not surprised you want it a little shorter. Perhaps you could wear it down more often, and convince your swooning hubby that if it were a little shorter (BSL or so), you'd be able to do this ever so more often? ;)

:grouphug:

ericthegreat
August 31st, 2009, 08:45 AM
Its YOUR hair. The most important thing is that you wake up every morning and look in the mirror and actually like what you see. You are a beautiful woman, regardless of whatever you do with your hair which is simply just a bonus.

If you feel that you need to cut an inch or even more than an inch off, than by all means! You would be just as attractive with or without those few extra inches.

InTheCity
August 31st, 2009, 08:45 AM
Think of the change in texture as it get's longer as a positive thing! When level of curl changes with every new length, it's like you're getting a whole new head of hair. Perhaps even more inches will change the curl to something different still that you may love.

And if you think cutting is the best option, consider talking to a stylist about thinning techniques that don't necessarily change length. This may "lighten" some of your hair and allow it to curl as before.

Good luck!

Curlsgirl
August 31st, 2009, 08:52 AM
Are you sure it is the length which has loosened the curl? This is counter-intuitive advice (and presumptuous from a shortie like me!), but have you thought about shampooing more often? I have noticed that the cleaner my hair is, the better it absorbs moisture from conditioner and leave-ins.

You've posted a lot about headaches and uncomfortably heavy hair or tight updos lately. Again, not sure if it's the hair that causes this. Scalp tenderness and headaches might be due to overall stress, and environmental factors, you may want to review your daily life and fix whatever is wrong.

But again, with waist-length hair, I'm not surprised you want it a little shorter. Perhaps you could wear it down more often, and convince your swooning hubby that if it were a little shorter (BSL or so), you'd be able to do this ever so more often? ;)

:grouphug: I am not having headaches anymore because I choose styles that don't give them to me. And yes I am almost positive it's the length weighing down the curl. I have heard too many people with my hairtype post about it. Oh and I almost always use shampoo too and have been washing about 2 times a week or 3 even, doesn't seem to make a difference though.

Curlsgirl
August 31st, 2009, 08:56 AM
Its YOUR hair. The most important thing is that you wake up every morning and look in the mirror and actually like what you see. You are a beautiful woman, regardless of whatever you do with your hair which is simply just a bonus.

If you feel that you need to cut an inch or even more than an inch off, than by all means! You would be just as attractive with or without those few extra inches.Thanks so much!!!


Think of the change in texture as it get's longer as a positive thing! When level of curl changes with every new length, it's like you're getting a whole new head of hair. Perhaps even more inches will change the curl to something different still that you may love.

And if you think cutting is the best option, consider talking to a stylist about thinning techniques that don't necessarily change length. This may "lighten" some of your hair and allow it to curl as before.

Good luck!I thought about the layering thing but I think it would make my ends too thin. And yes it is definitely more wavy now but I like the curls better. It does curl, just not so much as before.

spidermom
August 31st, 2009, 08:58 AM
When other things in my life are giving me pain, I always turn my displeasure against my hair first. In the past, cutting never fixed what was wrong, so I've managed to avoid it (except when my ends get bad/damaged). If your ends are damaged/splitting, go ahead and get a trim. Otherwise, turn your focus elsewhere.

One thing that has helped me is to keep my focus on my goal of classic length. I will only allow myself to change my goal after I reach the goal I already have; I've been very firm with myself about this. Sometimes I lament the loss of curl with length, but that's just part of the process, and I accept it.

Lately I've been laying across the bed on my back with my hair hanging over the edge and doing a single braid about in the middle. I have to be very careful to get the tension very even. When I get up, the braid looks very soft with "draped" edges (like the Gibson girl look, sort of). It's been fun - a new look that shows off the length. Maybe you need something like that.

Curlsgirl
August 31st, 2009, 09:03 AM
When other things in my life are giving me pain, I always turn my displeasure against my hair first. In the past, cutting never fixed what was wrong, so I've managed to avoid it (except when my ends get bad/damaged). If your ends are damaged/splitting, go ahead and get a trim. Otherwise, turn your focus elsewhere.

One thing that has helped me is to keep my focus on my goal of classic length. I will only allow myself to change my goal after I reach the goal I already have; I've been very firm with myself about this. Sometimes I lament the loss of curl with length, but that's just part of the process, and I accept it.

Lately I've been laying across the bed on my back with my hair hanging over the edge and doing a single braid about in the middle. I have to be very careful to get the tension very even. When I get up, the braid looks very soft with "draped" edges (like the Gibson girl look, sort of). It's been fun - a new look that shows off the length. Maybe you need something like that.

Maybe that is a part of it. I feel very happy actually with my life in general but there is a part of it that is out of control, my house-keeping. :o Maybe if I focus on that for a while..also I really think one thing is that I got my hair blown out a couple of times and got so many compliments. And now I feel it's "blah" again. I like the suggestion about the braid, definitely will try it. I like the softened braid look. Maybe I'll get an inch trim and then forget it for a while and concentrate on other things. TB is my next goal. Gosh that will take forever I think. But that will be when I really feel my hair is LONG I believe in my mind.

spidermom
August 31st, 2009, 09:07 AM
Maybe that is a part of it. I feel very happy actually with my life in general but there is a part of it that is out of control, my house-keeping. :o Maybe if I focus on that for a while..also I really think one thing is that I got my hair blown out a couple of times and got so many compliments. And now I feel it's "blah" again. I like the suggestion about the braid, definitely will try it. I like the softened braid look. Maybe I'll get an inch trim and then forget it for a while and concentrate on other things. TB is my next goal. Gosh that will take forever I think. But that will be when I really feel my hair is LONG I believe in my mind.

Oh, I agree; tailbone is really a fabulous, LONG length. Don't deprive us of seeing it on you by changing your mind.

Curlsgirl
August 31st, 2009, 09:21 AM
Oh, I agree; tailbone is really a fabulous, LONG length. Don't deprive us of seeing it on you by changing your mind.

Awwwwwwwwww I really really needed to hear that!

JamieLeigh
August 31st, 2009, 09:33 AM
I agree with Spidermom (that happens a lot...lol). If there's an issue in your life that's bugging you, don't take it out on your hair. If long hair is what you want, then don't let anything change your goals, unless it's real and true hair issues. Like if your ends get yucky or you have a major shed and need to cut for thickness.....that kind of thing.

Tell yourself, "what I want MORE is..." and if the end of that sentence is long, beautiful hair...then keep on the path you're on. You and your hair are very beautiful. :)

11eleven
August 31st, 2009, 09:47 AM
Someone once told me that when you get the urge to chop, wait two months and then see if the urge is still there. Works for me.

camirra555
August 31st, 2009, 09:49 AM
Oh, I agree; tailbone is really a fabulous, LONG length. Don't deprive us of seeing it on you by changing your mind.

I completely agree. I love your hair! IF the curl loosening is really bothering you maybe you could try an amla treatment? I bought some but have yet to try it to counter the loosening effects of henna on my curls.

Tess2319
August 31st, 2009, 10:15 AM
Thanks so much!!!

I thought about the layering thing but I think it would make my ends too thin. And yes it is definitely more wavy now but I like the curls better. It does curl, just not so much as before.

Personally, I am not a goal-oriented hair grower. It's been more like a journey. Sort of lets not cut it for a while and see if I still like it. So far I have, but I recognize the possibility that I will wake up one day and say, no I liked it better a little shorter.

Seems to me that the only way you're going to know if you like your hair better four inches shorter is to cut it. This is not a permanent change. It will just be a setback of X amount of time if you decide to continue on toward longer hair. You need to decide for yourself if it's worth the risk.

It'll be beautiful either way. It's your choice.

Heidi_234
August 31st, 2009, 10:17 AM
Hey there, just a quick note from a fellow 2c/3a-er ;)

You're so close to the point where all the fun start, you won't believe it. The time when I was waist stretched but not waist yet curly was the most frustrating one (I whined my head off in the BSL-to-waist thread so much! :o). It was a long count between waist stretched and waist curly, and even when it was waist curly, half of the time it still wasn't waist yet! Very very frustrating, I know.

But you're just few inches away from being waist curly, and after that it just flows. You reach milestones so fast - even naturally curly, and the progress is really visible and you'll feel it. I'm in the waist-to-tailbone route right now, and I feel so great with my hair, I enjoy it so badly! Seriously! Waist is really where all the fun begins, and you're so so close!

I'd hate to see you giving in and cutting it. You've been there before, and you've come a long way to be here. I was unsettled with my hair too at that point, I wanted to lighten it, dye it, parts of it, bleach the ends, what not. I'm glad I didn't do anything.

About the curl loosening part - You can still keep your curl but have amazing length. There are quite a few 2c/3a who managed that wonderfully - and you've seen my recent curly picture. It didn't take much effort to get those curls honestly, I'm sure that if you put your mind to it you'll be able to achieve it too.

I hope it helps. :flowers:

Irishred
August 31st, 2009, 11:03 AM
Crulsgirl,

I have been dealing with this exact same issue of late except for the curl. I finally found an updo that rarely gives me a headache (lazy-nautalis bun) Although it is easy and looks decent, I like doing different things with my hair when I can (have time to play). My length has a big part to do with this. I haven't even asked my DH, he gets weird when I ask him hair stuff but he likes my hair long.

I have been considering trimming back to classic and maintaining or possible going shorter like TB or waist. But. I have yet to make a conclusion. I am also way to busy to think about it much.

Be happy with what you do for YOU.

jel
August 31st, 2009, 11:28 AM
I can't give you any advice on curls, as my hairtype is barely wavy, but I have recently experienced a similar unhappiness with the length of my hair. As I reached tailbone, despite the excitement of attaining a goal, I felt dissatisfied with the general shape and form of my hair. I felt that hair longer than waist did not really suit me, and was seriously contemplating a cut.

However, fast forward a couple of months or so, I think I got used to the length I'm at! I suppose you could say I grew into it ;). I'm happy with the overall shape of it falling on my body, and I've learned which updos and hairtoys work for me at this moment in time.

Personally, I'm glad I did not cut; however, I know other LHCers who have cut back a few inches to allow themselves (body and mind!) to get used to the new length more slowly. If you do decide to cut, even a half an inch trim can refresh a style and possibly give your curls more bounce... Four inches would be too much, in my opinion, so please don't do that (unless you're really sure)!

Lady Mary
August 31st, 2009, 12:23 PM
Your hair is fantastic. It's important that you are happy with whatever you decide to do but it would really be a shame if you chopped it off since it looks great. :flower:

juliaxena
August 31st, 2009, 02:41 PM
Aren't there products, that can boost curls? I'm sure I've seen them of Joico, Tigi...

Feye
August 31st, 2009, 03:26 PM
Perhaps it's not the length but the shape of the ends? I just layered my ends ever so slightly, and I went from straight hair to slightly wavy.

misstwist
August 31st, 2009, 04:32 PM
I have watched you for several months struggling with unhappiness over your hair. You seem to value the curls more than the length, and I know you have had trouble with updos that don't hurt, making it difficult to just put it up and forget it.

On the other hand, I do agree with Spidermom about our tendencies to take frustrations in other areas of life out on our hair. There is certainly something to be said for launching a better housekeeping project for a month or three as a means of getting your mind off your hair.

That said, if it were my hair I would cut it. Long hair is for making me happy and if it doesn't make me happy I will cut it. You seem to have reached a point where it doesn't make you happy anymore, but you have some guilt about not sticking it out. And I know it hurts to think that cutting your hair would disappoint your husband.

In the end, though, it is your hair and if it makes you unhappy or takes more work than you are willing to invest to get to a place where you are happy with it, then it really is time to think about doing something different.

:flowers:

Anje
August 31st, 2009, 05:05 PM
Concerning the curl loosening -- do you think it's necessarily the length? I'm thinking that the weather might be playing a role, or even that you may need a routine change. Curls are influenced by so many things.

Demetrue
August 31st, 2009, 05:58 PM
You could have some loose layers cut into the bottom 4-6 inches to encourage the curl without losing length, then wait a few months and if you still don't like the curl pattern or feel like your hair is too heavy, you could cut the layered part completely off.

Lamb
August 31st, 2009, 06:55 PM
I have another idea. How about rag-curling the bottom 3-5 inches of your hair? Perhaps that would help with the curl problem, at least temporarily. Or even (forgive me, Long Hair Fairy!) a curling iron, now and then?
I think what you need most is to feel good about what you see in the mirror, until you reach your goal, and to you, "looking good" equals having great curls. I wouldn't judge you for using artificial means to achieve that!

rhubarbarin
August 31st, 2009, 07:34 PM
I would be very, very sad if you cut your hair. I do want you to be happy with it.. but give it lots of time and thought before you do anything drastic!

tangocurl
August 31st, 2009, 07:51 PM
I am not having headaches anymore because I choose styles that don't give them to me. And yes I am almost positive it's the length weighing down the curl. I have heard too many people with my hairtype post about it. Oh and I almost always use shampoo too and have been washing about 2 times a week or 3 even, doesn't seem to make a difference though.

Your hair is beautiful no matter what you do. I for one can't wait to get to your length so my curl can stretch out some more--go figure! We all go through awkward hair stages when we have to re-teach ourselves how to do old hairstyles and learn new ones that work with the new length. It is funny how it seems to happen overnight. I'd vote to wait two weeks. I'm just now coming out of an awkward hair phase and am so glad I didn't cut.

Again, your hair is gorgeous. You should be proud of it at any length.

renarok
August 31st, 2009, 08:09 PM
I can't offer any advice that hasn't already been given but I can offer chocolate. That always helps me.:)

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2610/3875857427_587a927c29_o.jpg

missy60
August 31st, 2009, 09:06 PM
Oh no dont cut! You are my inspiration and I have seen you go through stages of being unhappy with your hair. This one to will pass, I just know it will. I would give it some time and see how you feel, maybe after the season changes. The climate really effects curls and in my area it has been cooling off some, but is still so humid.

DMARTINEZ
August 31st, 2009, 10:02 PM
Long,slight layers could help with the curl. Its not that drastic either. Try it, you will never know.
Its not worth all the angst, its hair, it will grow back ;)


Deb

EtherealOde
August 31st, 2009, 10:23 PM
Oh, I agree; tailbone is really a fabulous, LONG length. Don't deprive us of seeing it on you by changing your mind.
^What she says.

But it is your hair, so you do need to do what pleases you most with it. Before cutting though, I would try several of the suggestions in this thread first just to see if any of them help to fix your problem with lack of curl. If one of them did help you would be kicking yourself for cutting unnecessarily.

If the non-cutting methods do not help, try the long layers before cutting the length back. Have the layering start just where you are planning to cut back to, and if it works then great! If not, then you can get it cut back to that first layer and still there is no extra loss beyond what you wanted initially.

No matter what you do, your hair is really lovely and it will look lovely shorter too. Do what makes you feel good about yourself and your hair and you can't go wrong. :grouphug:

Debra83
August 31st, 2009, 10:26 PM
Have you thought about maybe trying a clarifying shampoo? Or maybe a new technique for drying? I leave mine soaking wet, and then put a dollop of mixed chicks in, and leave it air dry. If I'm really looking for more curls, then I will scrunch once in awhile while it dries.

Also, I see ads for different brands of shampoo/conditioner for curly hair....have you tried one of those yet?

spidermom
August 31st, 2009, 10:37 PM
Twirling my hair around my fingers as it dries really encourages the curl. Have you tried this?

Tressie
August 31st, 2009, 11:30 PM
Oh I hope this is just a passing phase! Please don't cut your beautiful hair!! Besides the weather will be cooler soon, and you'll need the warmth (o:

Deborah
September 1st, 2009, 12:20 AM
Firstly, you might want to try the old stand-by two-week rule. If you still want to cut on September 14, then cut and be happy! (Then again, you are a grown woman, if you want to cut tomorrow, go ahead!)

I don't have curly hair, so that part eludes me, but maybe cutting two inches off first, rather than four, might be helpful. Two inches might be enough to renew your curls, and it should give some noticeable weight relief. And, really, two inches off of waist length hair is not all that obvious, so it will scarcely look any shorter. Then, if you like the change, but want more, go for the other two inches.

With two or four inches off, your hair would still be long and beautiful, and you would have nice, fresh, even ends. If your hair isn't making you happy, don't feel pressure to grow it longer than you really want. The length is entirely up to you, and no one else's desire to see your hair longer matters. My mum used to bug me to grow to see how long I could get it, but I simply never wanted to, so I cut to where I like it, and she doesn't bug me any more.

You and your hair are lovely, and whether you cut or don't, your beauty will remain. :)

Curlsgirl
September 1st, 2009, 07:23 AM
I just want to cry this morning after reading all of your sweet and very helpful comments!!! I am going to wait a bit to do anything. I think one thing that is annoying me is actually stemming from a GOOD thing and that is I have started a regular workout routine at a new gym. I get SO sweaty and hot though that my hair feels really icky. I hate to wash or even rinse after every workout though so I have been at a loss as to what to do.

I think also the "getting used to a new length" thing is very true. It does seem to have grown overnight to a new challenging updo length. I need to MAKE myself experiement with new ones as much as I HATE it. :o

I may just get a 1/2 inch to 1 inch trim too. I don't really think the ends are damaged and they actually curl quite nicely but they MAY have very very old layers still in them making them a bit thin. I haven't had a trim in a while.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all the wonderful compliments, wish I could address each of you personally but please know I read and considered seriously every one of the suggestions and things to ponder!!! I feel so much better.

spidermom
September 1st, 2009, 02:28 PM
Oh yes - do I ever hear that! I started working out in January and have to CWC, CO, or at least rinse my hair nearly every day. I can't tolerate the scent of my scalp if I don't. During the summer it has been easy to start my days with wet hair, but I'm not looking forward to the cold days of fall and winter.

You've been with me during most of my journey to long hair and I'd hate to lose the mutual support, ya know? Hang in there!

Deborah
September 1st, 2009, 05:53 PM
I don't do anything after working out. I just let it dry off as I cool down. It never smells or gets dirty or anything else. I wash the same day whether I have sweat a lot or not that week. It seems just the same either way. :)

Curlsgirl
September 1st, 2009, 09:43 PM
Spidermom, the feeling is totally mutual believe me! You have helped more than you will ever know!

Deborah, what type of hair do you have? Mine is not really stinky, just not clean and sort of dry or something, can't really describe it after I have a sweating episode working out. I can't remember that it bothered me in the past but then my hair was shorter then. Could be the hair type too. :shrug:

Deborah
September 1st, 2009, 11:46 PM
Deborah, what type of hair do you have? Mine is not really stinky, just not clean and sort of dry or something, can't really describe it after I have a sweating episode working out. I can't remember that it bothered me in the past but then my hair was shorter then. Could be the hair type too. :shrug:


Hi CG,

I am a brunette with very fine hair, medium thickness, and a little above tailbone, oh, and it's straight.

Who knows why one person's scalp and hair feel fine and comfy after sweating, while another's feels dirty or smelly. It might be hair type, or maybe it is a matter of individual chemistry. :shrug:

I hope you can very soon find a solution that is comfortable for you. :flower:

Heidi_234
September 2nd, 2009, 01:37 AM
Spidermom, the feeling is totally mutual believe me! You have helped more than you will ever know!

Deborah, what type of hair do you have? Mine is not really stinky, just not clean and sort of dry or something, can't really describe it after I have a sweating episode working out. I can't remember that it bothered me in the past but then my hair was shorter then. Could be the hair type too. :shrug:
Maybe it's more of psychological thing? I know that when I was at gym class in high school we had no showers, and in the beginning I felt nasty not washing after, but then I became use to that so much, that nowadays I don't mind the sweat as soon as it dries (of course it stinks, but that's what deodorants were for, masking the smell :o). I'm sure it could be applied to feeling clean on the scalp after a workout.

Feye
September 2nd, 2009, 02:08 AM
I've started to mix a little ACV with water in a cup, dip my fingertips in it and just lightly scrub my scalp. It really makes my scalp feel so refreshed! I also do a diluted ACV rinse after washing my hair and it's made a whole lot of difference in my scalp health.
I also work out, but perhaps not as heavily as you do.

Oh, and your hair is so beautiful! Whatever you decide to do, it will look gorgeous

Curlsgirl
September 2nd, 2009, 07:20 AM
Thanks so much all of you!!! :flowers: