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LittleOrca
August 15th, 2009, 11:06 PM
So today I went out with the family to the Scandinavian festival. That was a fun time, but the trip to it was kinda of miserable for my hair. I had it up in a hawser braid so that it wouldn't be in my way, also semi-showing to one family member in particular that long hair is versatile.

When the topic of information and opinions in the media influencing the masses came up, I mentioned to two family members ("S" and "J") about the article linked to here from O-Magazine about people with long hair having an unhealthy relationship with hair, but people with short hair are fine. "S" thought it was kind of funny at first and dismissed it, but "J" thought it was right and believed I have a problem with hair (and so does any woman with hair past BSL for that matter... especially those at classic or longer.)

Eventually after what felt like much of an attack on me, "S" compared me to an anorexic girl. "S" said it was like a different image of beauty and that anorexics have the same issue. Since when did having long hair mean I was harming myself?

I was so depressed for the whole festival. My fiancé tried to cheer me up and get me not to think about it, but I couldn't help it. The message I was getting from those comments is my family thinks my having long hair is some form of psychological disorder. What makes me feel even worse is that "S" is my mother.

Of all the things that I do, they pick to attack the hair. As an outsider looking in, I would be more opt to finger point to my mermaid tails as something more unusual than my long hair. They didn't even think of the items I have to keep my hair up, to style it, to care for it, nothing... just the length. "S" really has no problem with the length, but her comment hurt terribly. "J" has always had a problem with my long hair, though they will not admit to it. I got asked every time I saw "J" when I was going to cut it and which styles would look best on me.

I'm not going to give into them and cut it or anything, but it has been up all day and I almost fear taking it down now. They really hit a nerve by crucifying the only thing I like about myself (in a physical sense).



Update

Thanks to the support of the many people here, I have gotten over this little comment. We never really talked about it, but I did kind of bring it up at dinner. My mother thought I was mostly kidding and in a laughing tone she said "I just can't win." Of course, I also added in something she had said in a clearly jesting tone on a non-hair related subject.

My sister has not said anything about it since, but knowing her I am waiting for her to use it in an argument against me. But, since I am prepared for it, I know it wont bother me when that time comes.

I still have not spoken to "J" since the day this happened. I will have to see them again, I know, especially since my sister is going to live with them for a while and they are close to us (as in 2 hours away), but putting on a tough hide will keep them from bothering me about my hair; that and wearing it up around them so they cannot see how long it is and just have to deal with looking at my hair styles.

ericthegreat
August 15th, 2009, 11:16 PM
Well, I think your a Hair Inspiration. :magic:

You can tell that to that family member who believes you are "hair psychotic". :luke:

amnicare
August 15th, 2009, 11:18 PM
don't sweat it. Maybe you can discuss the topic with people who share the same interests. Like here on the forum.

Roseate
August 15th, 2009, 11:27 PM
It's so odd to me that what others do with their hair is such a big deal to some people.

My GF's mother asks her "when she plans to start growing her hair again" regularly... and she's been keeping it in a 1/4" Marine cut for the past ten years. Odds are, not anytime soon, Mom!

I'm lucky that my friends and family don't seem too invested in my hair one way or the other.

So sorry you had to deal with that. I'm glad your fiance is there to support you.

kwaniesiam
August 15th, 2009, 11:28 PM
Eventually after what felt like much of an attack on me, "S" compared me to an anorexic girl. "S" said it was like a different image of beauty and that anorexics have the same issue. Since when did having long hair mean I was harming myself?


That is quite possibly the most idiotic thing I have ever heard. :confused:

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, especially at what was supposed to be a fun time! I've heard similar from my family members about my body piercings. They compare it to self harm :rolleyes: No, I just like how it looks and it makes me happy. Same thing with my hair, as well as the routine and various hairtoys I have to style it. Your hair is beautiful, so try not to worry about it :flowers:

little_acorn
August 15th, 2009, 11:31 PM
Could it be that she is a bit jealous but is not admitting it?

Whatever it is, your hair is beautiful and is not an expression of a psychotic disorder - not sure about the mermaid tails though :p :p

ericthegreat
August 15th, 2009, 11:31 PM
Interesting angle from the opposite spectrum of hair length Roseate. I agree with you........regardless of WHATEVER anyone decides to do with THEIR OWN hair, it is exactly just that THEIR OWN hair. No one else should have a right to tell anyone else how they personally wish to look and be perceived.................if someone wants to be a longhair then allow them the peace of mind to do so. On the same token someone that desires to keep their hair short or bald should be allowed to express how they want to look as well.

LittleOrca
August 15th, 2009, 11:40 PM
Thank you for the support everyone. I have been just trying to wrap my brain around this whole event. I figure they don't really believe I am completely mad or they probably would attempt to have me seeing someone about my "problem." :rolleyes:

After recording the incident in my hair journal, I am trying to look at it from different angles to understand all view points, but at this time I am still too mopey about it.

Laylah
August 15th, 2009, 11:41 PM
You said your hair is the only thing you like about yourself? Come on, there must be more than your hair that you are proud of?

LittleOrca
August 15th, 2009, 11:43 PM
You said your hair is the only thing you like about yourself? Come on, there must be more than your hair that you are proud of?

Physically.

I enjoy my art, my music, crafts, my mermaid tails, but when it comes to just outward appearance, my hair is about it... well, that and maybe my eyes and chest.

ericthegreat
August 15th, 2009, 11:47 PM
She never said that at all Laylah. You are misunderstanding what she actually meant. What she actually means is that her hair is definitely one of the things that she is proud to own for herself. She definitely did not mean to say at all that her hair is the ONLY thing that she is proud of.

And I really think you should edit your post to something more supportive, right now LittleOrca needs as much love and positive words as possible, not further criticism.

LittleOrca
August 15th, 2009, 11:50 PM
And I really think you should edit your post to something more supportive, right now LittleOrca needs as much love and positive words as possible, not further criticism.

I knew what she meant, eric. She doesn't have to edit anything. :)

Lady Mary
August 16th, 2009, 12:00 AM
Well, I know the old "don't listen to them" is hard to pass off with it's your own mother so I won't go there. My mother and I, we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. She's disagreed with many of my clothing, hair and piercing choices. It hurts when she's made comments about it, she's supposed to love me no matter what I look like.

Now, the thing is, she does still love me, she just has a lot of preconceived notions about beauty. She too can be caught watching Oprah and nodding along in agreement. In my opinion, her judgment has been heavily swayed by the media. She just wants her daughter to be normal, like everyone else, so she can show me off without her friends going "What's up with that piercing on your daughter's face?" Mother's just want "best" for us, "best" to them is normalcy.

Try not to let it get under your skin, remember she loves you and she just doesn't understand one of your hobbies. It might be no different from a mom not liking a piercings or bright green hair. It's different, it's weird... Anyway, I'm rambling. Your hair is beautiful, perhaps in time she will see it too.

:blossom:

Laylah
August 16th, 2009, 12:12 AM
What I said was a misunderstanding. I'm really sorry if I offended you in any way.

Natalia
August 16th, 2009, 12:12 AM
Im sorry they said that to you. As they say the people closest to you are the one who hurt you the most. You would think someone who knows you better than a casual friend would know what your hair means to you. I took HUGE issue with that article in O. Someone mentioned it on here and my mom gets it so i went to read it. I couldnt get very far into it before i decided this paged needed to take a trip throught he shredder. Just when you start seeing more haor friendly at home treatment in major magazines one goes and does so much damage to peoples perceptions.

I wish ihad advice for you other than to be happy in yourself even if thats only your hair right now no matter what they think. The people who have said the most insensitive things toward my hair were either my best friends or my sibbling and thier BF/GF's . Try to let it slde into the background as much as you can snd enjoy a favorite hair treat.

sorry for the terribel typign my cat is detrewmind to get me off my computer. she is playing catch the fingers right now and it HUTRS!

Dachsdragon
August 16th, 2009, 12:12 AM
I just want to say Im really sorry those things were said to you and offer my support to you. I understand what its like to have family (specially your mother) say things that are really hurtful. I hope that you feel better soon. :blossom:

Quixii
August 16th, 2009, 12:24 AM
I.. don't understand. Especially relating it to anorexia, something really harmful that can kill you. How is having long hair a threat to you?
Maybe your mother is the psychotic one. :shrug:

Roseate
August 16th, 2009, 12:30 AM
Physically.

I enjoy my art, my music, crafts, my mermaid tails, but when it comes to just outward appearance, my hair is about it... well, that and maybe my eyes and chest.

You are beautiful, and not just on the inside, girl! ;) I know you're busy working out and losing weight, which is great for your health and all, but don't fool yourself into thinking you're not looking good now.

"Goal weight" is kind of like "goal length"- it's great to get there, but it's more fun if you enjoy your hair/curves while you're on the way!

Heidi_234
August 16th, 2009, 12:37 AM
Nothing to compare, anorexia is an eating disorder - a mental illness that the person suffering from it end up having very little control of. Some studies suggested that insufficient blood flow to certain areas of the brain can result in distorted self image (ie a person will see herself fat in the mirror when in real life she's as skinny as a match). So they can't even help it much.

Growing out long hair? Fashion choice. Yes, even ankle length hair is fashion choice, even though you'd consider it very counter-fashion, it still sits on the same spectrum. Dressing in black, corsets and fishnets is a fashion choice. Long hair might be just as eccentric as sporting a mohawk dyed in every unnatural color available. It's just that shaving off a mohawk and dyeing it is much easier and much more common too.

Super long hair might cross to less comfortable area, it could be compared to growing nail tad too long. But still - it's a choice you did, influenced or going against societies norm. Anorexia? Not at all.

I think you were hurt not just by the fact that they attacked your views on hair, but also because they compared it to an eating disorder, knowing very well you're battling your own weight issues, which is very insensitive. And you know what, heck yes - you're hair crazy! Why else you'll invest so much time, effort and money in it. If you were indifferent, you wouldn't want long hair like you do. Whatever, at least you know what you want, and you're good at achieving it.

Alun
August 16th, 2009, 12:59 AM
So today I went out with the family to the Scandinavian festival. That was a fun time, but the trip to it was kinda of miserable for my hair. I had it up in a hawser braid so that it wouldn't be in my way, also semi-showing to one family member in particular that long hair is versatile.

When the topic of information and opinions in the media influencing the masses came up, I mentioned to two family members ("S" and "J") about the article linked to here from O-Magazine about people with long hair having an unhealthy relationship with hair, but people with short hair are fine. "S" thought it was kind of funny at first and dismissed it, but "J" thought it was right and believed I have a problem with hair (and so does any woman with hair past BSL for that matter... especially those at classic or longer.)

Eventually after what felt like much of an attack on me, "S" compared me to an anorexic girl. "S" said it was like a different image of beauty and that anorexics have the same issue. Since when did having long hair mean I was harming myself?

I was so depressed for the whole festival. My fiancé tried to cheer me up and get me not to think about it, but I couldn't help it. The message I was getting from those comments is my family thinks my having long hair is some form of psychological disorder. What makes me feel even worse is that "S" is my mother.

Of all the things that I do, they pick to attack the hair. As an outsider looking in, I would be more opt to finger point to my mermaid tails as something more unusual than my long hair. They didn't even think of the items I have to keep my hair up, to style it, to care for it, nothing... just the length. "S" really has no problem with the length, but her comment hurt terribly. "J" has always had a problem with my long hair, though they will not admit to it. I got asked every time I saw "J" when I was going to cut it and which styles would look best on me.

I'm not going to give into them and cut it or anything, but it has been up all day and I almost fear taking it down now. They really hit a nerve by crucifying the only thing I like about myself (in a physical sense).

Anorexics can starve themselves to death. Long hair is harmless. Ignore their comments.

Rivanariko
August 16th, 2009, 01:39 AM
Wow, those are some of the most inconsiderate and hurtful comments I've heard people actually say about long hair. That's awful. I can't even begin to understand the comparison to an eating disorder...

Personally, I would think that long hair would represent the opposite of an eating disorder. It shows concern for your health, and dedication to taking care of yourself. Your own health directly affects your hair's health. Your hair does not grow long or nice when you are starving yourself. Your body doesn't have the energy to expend on it. Having gorgeous long hair, like yours, shows that you take care of yourself.

I would just try to avoid the topic with them in the future. It's horrible that they don't support you, but it doesn't sound like you're going to change their minds anytime soon. Silent disapproval is not good, but it's better than them berating you about it.

And just as a note, I have been admiring your hair since I first came to this site. Don't give up on it. It is lovely.

LittleOrca
August 16th, 2009, 01:43 AM
I understand why my mother made the comment she did, about the anorexia, but it wasn't the right one to make for sure. I think she made it because we (the long hairs and the anorexics) both have different beauty ideals and we both attempt to reach for them, even though society is not always on board with it and may condemn us to a point. I think that is the point she wanted to make (been up thinking about this for a while), but... since when is growing out my hair to the floor on the same wavelength with someone self-starving so they weight under 75 pounds at five-foot-six? I know she was trying to make a comparison, but it was a poor one. A tattoo-hair comparison would have been a better, even if we are both tattooed and are fine with them. ;)

Charlotte
August 16th, 2009, 01:46 AM
When the topic of information and opinions in the media influencing the masses came up, I mentioned to two family members ("S" and "J") about the article linked to here from O-Magazine about people with long hair having an unhealthy relationship with hair, but people with short hair are fine. "S" thought it was kind of funny at first and dismissed it, but "J" thought it was right and believed I have a problem with hair (and so does any woman with hair past BSL for that matter... especially those at classic or longer.)

The message I was getting from those comments is my family thinks my having long hair is some form of psychological disorder. What makes me feel even worse is that "S" is my mother.




Try not to be too upset Little Orca. Your hair is beautiful, as is your smiling face and feminine curvaceous figure. You are unique and perfect in your own way.

I think it is irresponsible for Magazines like "O" to write such silly articles such as this. It's just dumb. All they are trying to do is think of anything at all to fill up their magazine and make money.

Healthy hair, and especially long hair, has always been regarded as something to be admired throughout the ages. Of course, fashions tend to come and go, and I guess that shorter styles are more the norm these days.

It's so insulting to people with longer than average hair to suggest that they have some unhealthy emotional or psychological "problem". Maybe the article was sponsored by the hairdressing industry or something, heh heh?!

Try not to worry about what certain other people say about your hair. If you and your fiance are happy with it, then that's all that matters. It is sad though when someone close to you says such negative things. Sending you a big bunch of flowers,

:blossom:

ericthegreat
August 16th, 2009, 02:09 AM
Try not to be too upset Little Orca. Your hair is beautiful, as is your smiling face and feminine curvaceous figure. You are unique and perfect in your own way.

I think it is irresponsible for Magazines like "O" to write such silly articles such as this. It's just dumb. All they are trying to do is think of anything at all to fill up their magazine and make money.

Healthy hair, and especially long hair, has always been regarded as something to be admired throughout the ages. Of course, fashions tend to come and go, and I guess that shorter styles are more the norm these days.

It's so insulting to people with longer than average hair to suggest that they have some unhealthy emotional or psychological "problem". Maybe the article was sponsored by the hairdressing industry or something, heh heh?!

Try not to worry about what certain other people say about your hair. If you and your fiance are happy with it, then that's all that matters. It is sad though when someone close to you says such negative things. Sending you a big bunch of flowers,

:blossom:

You know, this is what honestly sickens me about the mainstream beauty industry. I certainly don't envy you ladies, I mean to literally from birth be judged on your looks alone as if to say that you have nothing else to offer the world other than being an object of sexual gratification is very unfair. And now, they actually have coined psuedo-psychatric terms for long haired people who actually love their hair? Wow seriously. :rolleyes:

Again LittleOrca, you are simply a beautiful woman. And I'm actually not talking about your looks, I mean you are beautiful as a person, you are always very helpful to me personally and to everyone else on LHC. :cheer:

Flynn
August 16th, 2009, 02:17 AM
O.o Someone (S, that is) didn't switch her brain on when they said that! It's insulting to anyone affected by anorexia (it's really not just a different beauty ideal), and it's pretty nasty to you!

I'm sorry it happened... you have gorgeous hair, and the rest of you is gorgeous too!

If having the consistency of mind and character, and the pride and self-confidence to keep your hair long, rather than chopping and changing it every few weeks is a disorder, then damn, I'm proud to be a sufferer!

I really think that was probably just a brain-not-switched-on jab at you, rather than anything you should take to heart. Just someone being a bit dumb. We all do it sometimes.

*Big hugs*

Heidi_234
August 16th, 2009, 02:20 AM
I understand why my mother made the comment she did, about the anorexia, but it wasn't the right one to make for sure. I think she made it because we (the long hairs and the anorexics) both have different beauty ideals and we both attempt to reach for them, even though society is not always on board with it and may condemn us to a point. I think that is the point she wanted to make (been up thinking about this for a while), but... since when is growing out my hair to the floor on the same wavelength with someone self-starving so they weight under 75 pounds at five-foot-six? I know she was trying to make a comparison, but it was a poor one. A tattoo-hair comparison would have been a better, even if we are both tattooed and are fine with them. ;)
I disagree, anorexia is not having a fashion ideal, it's an illness caused by distorted self-perception. Like others said, eating disorders are harming, growing your hair long isn't (on the contrary, you start taking care of your health, diet, try to cut on chemical products and use more natural ones and so on). It was a bad comparison and there's no way around it. Making that comparison, you mom showed her ignorance (as in lack of self experience, or experience with a close person at least) on both topics.

Charlotte
August 16th, 2009, 02:21 AM
If having the consistency of mind and character, and the pride and self-confidence to keep your hair long, rather than chopping and changing it every few weeks is a disorder, then damn, I'm proud to be a sufferer!

I really think that was probably just a brain-not-switched-on jab at you, rather than anything you should take to heart. Just someone being a bit dumb. We all do it sometimes.

*Big hugs*


I agree totally with this comment. :)

Zindell
August 16th, 2009, 02:32 AM
"S" compared me to an anorexic girl. "S" said it was like a different image of beauty and that anorexics have the same issue.

That was the most stupid thing I've heard in a very long time!
Ignore it!

*hugzzz* :)

violetka
August 16th, 2009, 02:45 AM
I think one can obsess over anything if he/she has this type of personality, but I dont see any difference between hair obsession and a hobby like gardening or stamp collection obsession. I think if a person does not obsess a little bit, will never have any hobbies.

On the other hand if your long hair hurts your health and prevents you living a normal life, causes death etc - yes, then it is like anorexia.
But I cannot imagine this to be true.
Everybody needs some passion in life(in my case - many :D). Very few passions related to female beauty are as positive and healthy as a hair passion.

LutraLutra
August 16th, 2009, 02:56 AM
Words fail me, they really do. :grouphug:

meph
August 16th, 2009, 02:59 AM
I'm really sorry that they said those things to you. You have beautiful hair and you're happy with it, so I don't know what their problem is. I know it's hard, but don't let these comments get to you.:)

Having said that, I must admit I feel a bit insulted by the anorexia comparison. I have anorexia, and it has nothing to do with the fact that I can't see myself right, or that I have other beauty ideals. In fact, I don't even like how I look when I'm underweight.:shrug:

Phalaenopsis
August 16th, 2009, 03:01 AM
To me, there is one difference: nobody "enjoys" having an eating disorder, but long hair makes us all happy, it's a way to express yourself, just like someone else keeps it short and bleached

Your mother probably didn't even realize that she hurt you like that. Maybe next time, you could try to confront her with it in an adult manner? If she reacts childish then, well, then it's her problem...

eadwine
August 16th, 2009, 03:52 AM
I had it up in a hawser braid so that it wouldn't be in my way, also semi-showing to one family member in particular that long hair is versatile.

You could have seen the discussion coming before you brought it up ;)

Simply don't bring it up anymore near family members or people who you know are critical. In general most people are already "it's just hair", they don't care at all, so bringing it up is BOUND to get you in a stuck position and minority.

I never bring up my hair outside hair meetings, ever. Only when people ask how long it is I will show them with my hand, but that's it. It keeps all those making-me-feel-bad comments at bay.

I can say I have to date not heard: shouldn't you cut that? I think partly because of my evasive ways about it.


*hugs* Hopefully you'll feel better soon, sorry this happened to you.

Unofficial_Rose
August 16th, 2009, 04:20 AM
I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but 'S' sounds like a spiteful cow. The best thing to do with these sort of comments is to ignore them.

You have my dream hair, btw.

pink.sara
August 16th, 2009, 04:29 AM
I understand why my mother made the comment she did, about the anorexia, but it wasn't the right one to make for sure. I think she made it because we (the long hairs and the anorexics) both have different beauty ideals and we both attempt to reach for them, even though society is not always on board with it and may condemn us to a point. I think that is the point she wanted to make (been up thinking about this for a while), but... since when is growing out my hair to the floor on the same wavelength with someone self-starving so they weight under 75 pounds at five-foot-six? I know she was trying to make a comparison, but it was a poor one. A tattoo-hair comparison would have been a better, even if we are both tattooed and are fine with them. ;)

LittleOrca your hair is one of the most beautiful things I've seen in a long time, if anything about you represents how unpsychotic you are its your hair!
Hair as lovely as yours takes time, patience, love and looking after yourself to achieve.

Unfortunately some family members will never be satisfied until we match with the perception of how they want us to be.

I totally agree that a hair-tattoo comparison would have been more appropriate and I myself have this discussion (fight) with my family all the time.
I have always loved tattoos and when I was 20 I finally decided to expand my tiny shoulder flowers and stomach stars into something coherent... I went off and had 3 hours of outlining and started a huge backpiece which has since become a backpiece/sleeve/ribs affair and a 6 hour foot tattoo.
As soon as my mother (who also has 4 small tattoos) saw the start she accused me of doing it as "Self Harm" of somesort because I had gained alot of weight the previous year (I was hospitalized and gained 3 1/2 stone in 3 months but never managed to lose the weight).

It got to the point where she would speak publicly in a dissmissive and derogatory fashion about my tattoos whenever someone commented on them and I finally got so upset I had to take her aside and point out what she was doing and ask her to stop. She did. Until I cut my hair off.

Now that I have jaw length crazy colour hair instead of my 42 inch mane the spiteful comments are along the vein of:
"why did you do that to yourself?"
"Its always something with you isn't it?"
"Why are you so unhappy with yourself you have to constantly ruin your looks?"
And I've finaly realised that whatever I do, I will never fit her ideas of what I should, or could be.
It's a painful realisation to come to that my mother will always be looking at me without understanding who I really am but she cant see me as an adult in my own right, just 'her daughter'.

My point LittleOrca is that while you may never get away from that family criticism you can choose to rise above it.
See yourself in a better light through people who make you feel positive about yourself and politely ask those who don't to stop.

Having long hair doesn't make you crazy anymore than having short hair! It just makes you more high maintenence :D

Good luck on your hair journey, I think you are a hair inspiration.

nicolina
August 16th, 2009, 04:57 AM
I think it can be very hard for someone who has been faced with set images of beautiful, healthy and well-maintained for years and years to then look at something different and see the beauty there.

Have you tried speaking to her about it? During my hair-care experiments, my mother routinely used to point out how greasy/oily/dull/unhealthy my hair looked. I turned around and asked her if it would hurt her to support my choices, and that shocked her. She hadn't realised that was how it looked to me. She's been much more tactful since, and if she can't say anything nice she doesn't say anything at all!

Regardless, be proud of your beautiful hair!

SimplyLonghair
August 16th, 2009, 05:13 AM
I am sorry that you had this incident that felt so much like being attacked by family members. :grouphug:

I will say this for mom, moms often say things without thinking how it will feel to the person that they are talking to. (I can say this as I am one.)

I often say things that I mean one way and then dd sees in it a whole different view point that I never intended.

That is not to say it (what was said) wasn't hurtful, I understand that it was.

You might want to say to her that you would really appreciate her being supportive about your choices. Or if she cannot be to then not say anything at all.

It could work. On the other hand, we all have family that are disfunctional, it seems to be the norm nowadays, so at least we all understand that family can just be hurtful. :p

Tap Dancer
August 16th, 2009, 05:31 AM
Anorexia and long hair = same thing? :doh: That's a new one!

KatKeRo
August 16th, 2009, 05:49 AM
I'm sorry this happende to you but try to think for yourself you are not there to decorate their world. Do what ever you like.

Isa-belle
August 16th, 2009, 05:51 AM
:grouphug: Hang in there, sweetie. This is why LHC is such a great place to be.
My mum tends to be the same. She doesn't realize how much her comments hurt.
I know how hard it can be, but the best thing we can do is try and put these comments behind us. And remember our mums probably don't even realize how this can affect us.

embee
August 16th, 2009, 07:12 AM
Oh man, they were on a roll there weren't they. Too bad it was *you* they were rolling over. Disregard the comments, sounds to me like they were searching for stuff to say and said whatever surfaced. When women get catty it's safest to leave, but when you're cooped up in the car with them that's not an option.

Long hair =/= anorexia. Geez. I had a dear anorexic friend. Unfortunately her image issues killed her and I miss her. :(

Our hair is not going to do that - unless we strangle in a yard-long night-time braid! ;)

Elphie
August 16th, 2009, 07:13 AM
It's amazing that the portion that resonates most with me is NOT being called hair-psychotic but that the insult came from your mother. I can easily dismiss the comment. Having long hair isn't so much a fashion choice in my opinion, most fashion choices can be achieved easily by heading out to a store and purchasing the latest clothing, extensions, dye and what have you to achieve them. Having long hair is more of a lifestyle choice. The kind that you dedicate years to achieve much like having a healthy diet or exercising. You know, Little Orca, that you are only doing things to your hair that are helpful, so dismiss the poorly thought-out comparison as it makes no sense to compare the two.

Carolyn
August 16th, 2009, 07:25 AM
Simply don't bring it up anymore near family members or people who you know are critical. In general most people are already "it's just hair", they don't care at all, so bringing it up is BOUND to get you in a stuck position and minority.

I never bring up my hair outside hair meetings, ever. Only when people ask how long it is I will show them with my hand, but that's it. It keeps all those making-me-feel-bad comments at bay.

I can say I have to date not heard: shouldn't you cut that? I think partly because of my evasive ways about it.ITA with this. A lot of us would love to "share the long hair love" and let others know our long hair is versatile and easy to care for. But we have to face it that most people can't wrap their minds around it. They've never had long hair and they just plain don't know. And they don't care to hear about it. You aren't going to change their minds. The thing for you to do is never bring the subject of long hair up around them. You know what they are like so if someone else brings up the topic, be vague and evasive. Shrug and be non committal. Don't let them know it's a big deal for you. Don't let S and J know that they can press your buttons by talking negatively about long hair. In your case, I think I would talk to your mom privately and ask if she could support you. Tell her it's just a personal choice and you would appreciate her support. Let her know that the incident really hurt your feelings. You aren't going to change S & J. They are ill mannered and hurtful. I imagine they feel entitled to say what they want because you are family :(

When you need to talk about long hair come here to LHC and talk all you want. There are lots of us who are wanting some long hair conversation and like you, we don't get to do that IRL. We're here and ready to talk about it :grouphug:

marikamt
August 16th, 2009, 08:07 AM
Hmmmm... I have a hard time with people who do this (judge)..... let me get this straight..... a girl that cuts, colors, perms, teases, styles, puts tons of product, sprays, etc to try to get her hair to look different that what is growing out of here head does NOT have hair issues, but if someone grows their hair, keeps it natural, takes good care of it and is PROUD OF IT has a body image issue???? Is it just me or does that sound a bit confused???? :doh:

23_seconds
August 16th, 2009, 08:43 AM
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rusika1
August 16th, 2009, 08:47 AM
Mom was rude. Maybe you should tell her you think her comparison was out of line and hurtful, and that she really has to trust that she raised you to think for yourself. Since you said she has one, you can always point out to her that a better comparison than anorexia would be tattoos, and ask how she would feel if her mother told her she was mentally ill for 'doing that to herself".

I agree with Eadwine though, I don't talk about long hair unless someone asks me, and even then I keep it pretty brief. You have your fiance and LHC for hairtalk. Perhaps hair, like religion and politics, should be a taboo subject with your family. Tell your mom (and other relatives too) that you think it would be best for your relationship with them to never discuss hair again--yours, theirs, the next door neighbors,--and then stick to it. Don't compliment them on their new style or color, don't ask what they think about your giant moon hairtoy :eyebrows:, nothing. And (nicely) remind them of the agreement if they bring hair up first.

(PERSONAL ANECDOTE ALERT: A few decades ago, my mom reentered the work force. She was having lots of personal issues with the cultural differences of a large group of immigrant coworkers, so she would complain to me. I finally told her it was really racist and it bothered me, and to please not talk about it again. She never brought it up again. she also got over her prejudices. Your mileage may vary, but it's worth a shot.)

spidermom
August 16th, 2009, 08:55 AM
I dunno, littleorca. S sounds a little psychotic to me.

halo_tightens
August 16th, 2009, 09:11 AM
let me get this straight..... a girl that cuts, colors, perms, teases, styles, puts tons of product, sprays, etc to try to get her hair to look different that what is growing out of here head does NOT have hair issues, but if someone grows their hair, keeps it natural, takes good care of it and is PROUD OF IT has a body image issue????

Couldn't agree more. I spent YEARS trying to make my hair into something it simply wasn't, and I now realize how very silly of me that was. I'm so glad that I've finally decided to let my hair be itself!

It takes a lot of courage in today's society to be one of the few people who are their genuine selves. All of us-- and you, personally-- should be proud to have the guts to be who we are. And I guess we shouldn't be overly surprised when others don't understand. It hurts, but it seems to be the way things are nowadays. Hair, weight, body art, clothing styles... they're all potential targets for the many sheep who think we should all look alike. How boring would that be?!?

Much love.

EdG
August 16th, 2009, 09:17 AM
Sorry about the remark. Family members can be critical in ways that friends aren't. :(

Your LHC family thinks that your hair is great! :cheese:
Ed

marzipanthecat
August 16th, 2009, 09:32 AM
Oh dear. And here I am thinking your hair is lovely, and your mermaid tails are possibly the coolest thing ever (I admire you mermaid photo a great deal!).

I think your family are just looking for something to pick on. My family can be like that - one big misery-fest when they all get together. Lots of in-fighting (and people wonder why I avoid family get-togethers!). Families can be horrible and odd like that - just picking on physical appearance for fun.

I'm sorry to hear about this. If it makes you feel even just a tiny bit better, I think they are wrong. (Because I'm just a person on the internet!)

ipickee
August 16th, 2009, 10:08 AM
LittleOrca, your hair is beautiful! Not only that, but your hair is *YOUR HAIR*. Personally, I'd be much more concerned if you 'pulled a Britney' and shaved it off. Everyone here has excellent points. Long hair requires you to be healthy, and to take care of yourself. Well, if you want decent looking long hair, that is. You're hair is beautiful!
I have a great relationship with my mom, and I adore her, but my hair is starting to make her nervous so I've just stopped wearing it down around her and it seems to be an 'out of sight, out of mind' type of thing for her. If I don't wear it down to remind her of the length, she doesn't seem to concern herself with it. My husband, on the other hand, looovvveeesss my long hair. Point is, do it for you. If they don't like it, they don't like it. You're an adult, you're a woman, you're independant. Exert your independance!! Good luck! :)

Kat
August 16th, 2009, 10:16 AM
I admit that in some ways I spend more time on my hair than I used to when it was short--it takes longer to dry and detangle, for example--but it also takes less to make it look nice. Throw it in a braid and wham, it's acceptable. Back when my hair was chin-length, I'd have to blow-dry it and curl the ends under to make it look nice. (I was, of course, too lazy to do this 99% of the time so it would just hang there unattractively, so technically I didn't spend any more time on it than I do on my hair now, but properly I SHOULD have).

That was part of the reason I grew it--so I could just throw it back quickly if I wanted (because of course chin-length isn't long enough for a braid or ponytail or bun, so down was my only option, unless I wanted to get creative and unattractive with barrettes--IMO there's nothing more unattractive than a woman with a head full of metal--bobby pins everywhere--because she's trying to put back short hair), or so if I left it down, it would be SUPPOSED to just hang there straight.


when it comes to just outward appearance, my hair is about it... well, that and maybe my eyes and chest.
And your TAIL! :)

My mom gets on me about my hair sometimes too...how often I wash it (once a week at the most--in part because really the only time I have time is weekends since it takes so long to dry and detangle, but she doesn't understand that it doesn't get greasy nearly so often as it used to. She has seen it a few times when it really does need washing, and so therefore she thinks my hair is dirty all the time), the fact that I don't blow-dry it and try hard to make it look uber-nice, the fact that I don't wear it down, and when she sees me detangling it she'll say stuff like "oh no, you're primping again." uh, no--making my hair not nasty and tangly, and making it actually manageable and presentable, is not "primping," even though it takes a while sometimes. That would be like if she saw me taking a shower and called that "primping." If I were going at it with the curling iron for hours or something, THAT might be "primping."

LadyLongLocks
August 16th, 2009, 10:19 AM
I.. don't understand. Especially relating it to anorexia, something really harmful that can kill you. How is having long hair a threat to you?
Maybe your mother is the psychotic one. :shrug:

Well said!

My mom used to bug me about my hair when it got to classic length. I did what I wanted. She is VERY opinionated.

Ignore them and come here like you did for long hair support :)

Zéphine
August 16th, 2009, 10:22 AM
I have no idea why having a different ideal of beauty is so bad. Different cultures and different decades have always had different ideals of beauty. I'm sorry not everyone appreciates diversity in others' appearances. You do have beautiful hair, and I'm sure many people think so, whether or not they want long hair for themselves.
ericthegreat, while I agree that too much emphasis is placed on women's physical appearances, I think it's an exaggeration to say we're judged on looks alone. For example, in my college classrooms, I'm judged for my level of competence, my interest in the subject, and how hard I work, not to mention my big mouth. I've also heard girls say very shallow things about guys' looks.

Madame J
August 16th, 2009, 10:25 AM
This may have been said, but I wonder if these girls wear much makeup on a regular basis? There are plenty of girls and women who don't believe they look right without makeup, and that their natural face is unacceptable. This could also, technically, be a body distortion similar to anorexics who think they are fat when they are not. But seriously? If all you are doing is putting on some makeup, it's not all that distructive. And anyway, they obviously know nothing about eating disorders if they think a young woman who LIKES her long hair has a problem like an anorexic, who HATES the way she looks.

Sorry, I know I've repeated a lot of what other people say, but people using anorexia as a metaphor when they don't seem to have any idea what they are talking about touches a nerve for me.

You are so beautiful, Little Orca. When I was a young girl, I used to go to bed every night wishing I could wake up and magically have hair exactly like yours: long, wavy, wispy, and honey-blonde. Don't let these obvious idiots bring you down.

Reptilia
August 16th, 2009, 10:28 AM
I can see how long hair could be compared to anorexia in the sense that "it's never long enough", but the thing is that it ISN'T hurting you or anybody else.

I think those who visit the salon every 4-6 weeks to highlight and maintain their hottest styles like good little robots are the ones with physiological issues. But, good look trying to make them see that.

missfortune9335
August 16th, 2009, 10:30 AM
*hugs* I'm sorry you had a rough day :( people are very judgemental and family members feel it's okay to voice those opinions since they're so close. I don't think they realize how much it hurts you. For what it's worth I agree your hair is beautiful, but you also have very pretty eyes and lovely skin don't sell yourself short!

ericthegreat
August 16th, 2009, 10:51 AM
When it comes to our family members(and I've done this back to them as well so I'm just as guilty), they take for granted and we ourselves take for granted that they will stand by us no matter what. In a serious emergency we know that we can depend on them to rush right over to the hospital or the police station for us. We know they will be by our side. The flip side to this is that because we all take each other for granted, we loose that filter of respect and politeness that we uphold for our friends and acquaintances and friendly strangers that we happen to come upon. We know that if we openly disrespect our friends or the strangers around us, they will not have any obligation at all to treat us any better.

When I look at other parents with young children, and how they really dote on them I mean give them cool toys and treat them out to ice cream and dinner and all that I realize hey, my parents are the same way to me and I really ought to be more thankful toward them. It reallly is both the most rewarding and the hardest job in the world, being a good parent.

So what I'm trying to say to you LittleOrca is instead of focusing on the bad stuff, focus on the good stuff. I know, what your mom said to you really did hurt and I'm not dismissing that. But what I am saying is that I want you to instead focus on all the times she treated you to the movies and got you ice cream, all the times she cheered you on when you swam competitively on the swim team. Actually, telling her you love her and giving her a hug and letting her know that you really do appreciate everything she has done for you will give her the best surprise ever........it will let her know hey, my daughter really does appreciate me! Maybe I did raise a good girl after all. :cheer:

Kindness really is a strong and definitely underrated weapon. ;)

Alia
August 16th, 2009, 11:03 AM
Physically.

I enjoy my art, my music, crafts, my mermaid tails, but when it comes to just outward appearance, my hair is about it... well, that and maybe my eyes and chest.

God, I know exactly how you feel. And, here's this beautiful feature that you feel never lets you down, and friends/family/society come and take a dump on it. :steam

rach
August 16th, 2009, 11:06 AM
:grouphug: Hang in there, sweetie. This is why LHC is such a great place to be.

we're here for one anothers hair journey despite outside comments. :grouphug: indeed needed :(

Fairlight63
August 16th, 2009, 11:30 AM
What is it about family that they think that they can say anything to you that they would never say to other people.

I guess that it the old saying "you always hurt the ones that you love".

I think that your hair is VERY beautiful! and they are jealous of your beautiful long hair!

Please NEVER cut your hair!

LittleOrca
August 16th, 2009, 11:38 AM
I disagree, anorexia is not having a fashion ideal, it's an illness caused by distorted self-perception. Like others said, eating disorders are harming, growing your hair long isn't (on the contrary, you start taking care of your health, diet, try to cut on chemical products and use more natural ones and so on). It was a bad comparison and there's no way around it. Making that comparison, you mom showed her ignorance (as in lack of self experience, or experience with a close person at least) on both topics.

It was my attempt to understand why she made the comment. I don't agree with it. I had a friend in college whom had just gotten over bulimia and had destroyed a lot of her body, mouth, and rotted out her teeth with the acid from her stomach. She could hide it well from the public with the false teeth she wore, but her other friends and I knew it would be a longer time before she was better for the long haul.



Your mother probably didn't even realize that she hurt you like that. Maybe next time, you could try to confront her with it in an adult manner? If she reacts childish then, well, then it's her problem...

It is not always that easy in my house. When we got to the Scandinavian Festival, my fiancé and I spit off from the main group, and when we saw them again, probably 30 minutes later in passing, they acted as though nothing had happened. The way it usually goes in this family is you don't talk about your problems, you ignore what happened, forget what happened, and 'everything will be peaches and cream.' [Though my sister seems to never forget anything and loves to bring it up from time to time in her combatings with me, so I am sure I will hear this again eventually.]



Hmmmm... I have a hard time with people who do this (judge)..... let me get this straight..... a girl that cuts, colors, perms, teases, styles, puts tons of product, sprays, etc to try to get her hair to look different that what is growing out of here head does NOT have hair issues, but if someone grows their hair, keeps it natural, takes good care of it and is PROUD OF IT has a body image issue???? Is it just me or does that sound a bit confused????

You're not alone in thinking that sounds a bit off. ;)



Perhaps hair, like religion and politics, should be a taboo subject with your family. Tell your mom (and other relatives too) that you think it would be best for your relationship with them to never discuss hair again--yours, theirs, the next door neighbors,--and then stick to it. Don't compliment them on their new style or color, don't ask what they think about your giant moon hairtoy , nothing.

I don't think hair would be considered as important in our house as politics and religion are. "J" is very much into the facade and how people look and talking about it. At family events, it just means my hair is up and away from length-scrutiny (but I am sure the style may get something from "J" every now and then.) I imagine that all that would happen is a lecture on being "tolerant," something perhaps they should have taken into consideration.



This may have been said, but I wonder if these girls wear much makeup on a regular basis? There are plenty of girls and women who don't believe they look right without makeup, and that their natural face is unacceptable. This could also, technically, be a body distortion similar to anorexics who think they are fat when they are not. But seriously? If all you are doing is putting on some makeup, it's not all that distructive. And anyway, they obviously know nothing about eating disorders if they think a young woman who LIKES her long hair has a problem like an anorexic, who HATES the way she looks.

"S" doesn't believe in makeup. Well, she does in that it's real, but she doesn't wear it. She doesn't think it is necessary to hide behind it. She also never dyes her hair, doesn't use special creams (unless for medical purposes), and doesn't really follow the mainstream in that way. The only think she does to her hair is use hairspray, but I don't think she combs it with it in her hair. "J," on the other hand, cuts their hair often, styles it with all kinds of products, dyes it almost monthly, and lives on makeup. I think it is a way for them to cover their deeper issues of loneliness, self-esteem, and weight (and maybe a hint of self-righteousness), which are both obvious to "S" and I, but we never bring it up to out of common courtesy.



So what I'm trying to say to you LittleOrca is instead of focusing on the bad stuff, focus on the good stuff. I know, what your mom said to you really did hurt and I'm not dismissing that. But what I am saying is that I want you to instead focus on all the times she treated you to the movies and got you ice cream, all the times she cheered you on when you swam competitively on the swim team. Actually, telling her you love her and giving her a hug and letting her know that you really do appreciate everything she has done for you will give her the best surprise ever........it will let her know hey, my daughter really does appreciate me! Maybe I did raise a good girl after all.

Kindness really is a strong and definitely underrated weapon.

There is a lot my mother has done for me that makes this comment looks like nothing but a small fly on a grand cake (the fly is gross, but the cake still looks great, except for where the fly landed). She has offered support on many different issues that some people would probably burn me for (religion, mermaid tails, meeting my fiancé on World of Warcraft...) and how much she went through to get us out of a bad situation (wont be getting into that.) She was also supportive of my hair in some ways, telling me what was working and what wasn't in an honest (and not mean) way so I knew what my hair was liking and what it wasn't.

In some ways, treating the whole experience like water off a ducks back may be her way she keeps peace in the home. When my sister leaves for college again, it will be a bit better for a while (except she and "J" are so much alike, they don't get along because of their similar bad habits and she will be living with "J" to save money and then the phone calls will start...:rolleyes: ). In some ways it sucks to be stuck in this house still at 25, but it's free room and board and food until Grad School is over, so I can't complain too much. Without the sister and "J" around all the time, my hair may be freer and "S" wont have to come up with such horrible and ridiculous comparisons to try and explain her daughter to everyone else.



Please NEVER cut your hair!

I don't plan to. :)

Speckla
August 16th, 2009, 11:42 AM
I don't want to be diagnosed or cured if I have hair psychosis. Leave me to my illness and we'll be fine. ;)

ericthegreat
August 16th, 2009, 11:54 AM
There is a lot my mother has done for me that makes this comment looks like nothing but a small fly on a grand cake (the fly is gross, but the cake still looks great, except for where the fly landed).

I've had many a fly land in my soup, especially when I go out to eat
during these hot summers. I actually love outdoor seating, I love the slight nightly breeze, watching people walk by as I enjoy my dinner. Am I really going to let a fly ruin my evening and not enjoy the soup that I paid good money for? Sure I suppose I could ask for another fresh bowl of soup, but some restaurants here will indeed still charge you double for it. So instead, I just pluck the little guy out and I dig into the soup. And I enjoy it. ;)

I also am a strong supporter of the five second rule. :D



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dernhelm
August 16th, 2009, 12:40 PM
Families...what are you gonna do with them? :rolleyes:

Mine frequently makes a point to tell me that I am "hair obsessed".

You and your hair are beautiful.

wahmof9
August 16th, 2009, 01:13 PM
So today I went out with the family to the Scandinavian festival. That was a fun time, but the trip to it was kinda of miserable for my hair. I had it up in a hawser braid so that it wouldn't be in my way, also semi-showing to one family member in particular that long hair is versatile.

When the topic of information and opinions in the media influencing the masses came up, I mentioned to two family members ("S" and "J") about the article linked to here from O-Magazine about people with long hair having an unhealthy relationship with hair, but people with short hair are fine. "S" thought it was kind of funny at first and dismissed it, but "J" thought it was right and believed I have a problem with hair (and so does any woman with hair past BSL for that matter... especially those at classic or longer.)

Eventually after what felt like much of an attack on me, "S" compared me to an anorexic girl. "S" said it was like a different image of beauty and that anorexics have the same issue. Since when did having long hair mean I was harming myself?

I was so depressed for the whole festival. My fiancé tried to cheer me up and get me not to think about it, but I couldn't help it. The message I was getting from those comments is my family thinks my having long hair is some form of psychological disorder. What makes me feel even worse is that "S" is my mother.

Of all the things that I do, they pick to attack the hair. As an outsider looking in, I would be more opt to finger point to my mermaid tails as something more unusual than my long hair. They didn't even think of the items I have to keep my hair up, to style it, to care for it, nothing... just the length. "S" really has no problem with the length, but her comment hurt terribly. "J" has always had a problem with my long hair, though they will not admit to it. I got asked every time I saw "J" when I was going to cut it and which styles would look best on me.

I'm not going to give into them and cut it or anything, but it has been up all day and I almost fear taking it down now. They really hit a nerve by crucifying the only thing I like about myself (in a physical sense).
I am so sorry you had to go through this.

BTW do you think it could be jealousy??? It is well known that most guys loooove long hair on a woman...but most women cannot or will not grow their hair. Cannot because they are misinformed and abuse their hair too much or will not because society dictates what is in and out....the only problem is that changes all the time!!!

Society is also quit mess up about what is attractive...have you ever seen live someone from the TV screen??? I have it is very disappointing.

You remodel a face with make up alone and then by picture with the lighting the angle and then if this was not enough...airbrushing.

So most of society oogles people that aren't even like the rest of us. Come on the bulk of the world are drop dead gorgeous humans but pretty much plain individuals with each of them some endearing features and personality. But see that does not make money.

The world need people to spend money...so they who ever they are create needs...needs which must be fulfilled....with a cost.

I hope this does not offend but your mother is a toxic person...drains your energy and she is not showing you the unconditional love you deserve. We are not talking about anything immoral here that out of concern for you she would feel the need to express concern....we are talking hair!!! Anorexic is a disorder....you can die from it! You just like long hair.

Now I must say since being a member I am a tad psychotic about my hair :) HOWEVER, I would not die over it!!!!!

So by putting you down they are trying to elevate themselves....

So put your hair down...walk with flair past them and have your BF kiss you square on the lips to show how much he loves you and then have him say how beautiful your are and how feminine your beautiful long hair is and how much he adores you...then smile big say "ta da" with a wave of the hand and go to dinner.

ROFL about the tail...yes that IS unusual....not hair! But remember unusual is not bad. We all do something that is unusual to someone else!

So keep it growing and see a lot less of these two...

wahmof9
August 16th, 2009, 01:14 PM
I don't want to be diagnosed or cured if I have hair psychosis. Leave me to my illness and we'll be fine. ;)
ROFL...I am right there with you! This is too funny!

wahmof9
August 16th, 2009, 01:16 PM
What is it about family that they think that they can say anything to you that they would never say to other people.

I guess that it the old saying "you always hurt the ones that you love".

I think that your hair is VERY beautiful! and they are jealous of your beautiful long hair!

Please NEVER cut your hair!
Yes actually it goes much deeper..."hurt people hurt people" so it is a reflection of her internal state...

spidermom
August 16th, 2009, 01:31 PM
I find I'm only hurt by remarks regarding something I'm sensitive about. I couldn't care less what somebody thinks of my hair. When somebody says something negative about my weight, however, it hurts.

Because I am like this, your hurt reaction makes me wonder if you might be just a little bit insecure about the appearance of your hair.

jera
August 16th, 2009, 03:13 PM
Physically.

I enjoy my art, my music, crafts, my mermaid tails, but when it comes to just outward appearance, my hair is about it... well, that and maybe my eyes and chest.

And have you ever seen a mermaid without long hair??? I haven't. I'd shut my family up by telling them the long hair was necessary for my career. LOL. Let them argue with that. :p

I'm glad you held fast to your long hair priciples. We're all hair obsessed at LHC. At least, we seem that way to others. TG this place exists. Outside people just don't get it.

:cheese:

jahof45
August 16th, 2009, 03:54 PM
You have :thud: worthy hair and I think your curves are gorgeous (and yes, I love your tail too!) Fashion is doing what everyone else is doing. Style is what you choose to do for yourself! You have STYLE! :grouphug:

melikai
August 16th, 2009, 05:36 PM
Well, I know the old "don't listen to them" is hard to pass off with it's your own mother so I won't go there. My mother and I, we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. She's disagreed with many of my clothing, hair and piercing choices. It hurts when she's made comments about it, she's supposed to love me no matter what I look like.

Now, the thing is, she does still love me, she just has a lot of preconceived notions about beauty. She too can be caught watching Oprah and nodding along in agreement. In my opinion, her judgment has been heavily swayed by the media. She just wants her daughter to be normal, like everyone else, so she can show me off without her friends going "What's up with that piercing on your daughter's face?" Mother's just want "best" for us, "best" to them is normalcy.

Try not to let it get under your skin, remember she loves you and she just doesn't understand one of your hobbies. It might be no different from a mom not liking a piercings or bright green hair. It's different, it's weird... Anyway, I'm rambling. Your hair is beautiful, perhaps in time she will see it too.

:blossom:

(bolding mine)
I thought this was an excellent post, and in my own experience, I can completely agree.

All I can say in addition to all the great points already made is: get used to it. Anyone who is going to go against the norm in terms of appearance is bound to get some flack at some point. It really sucks when it comes from family though, and I know that it hurts. I guess just use it as further fuel to continue in your goals and make your hair even more incredibly beautiful. :)

wahmof9
August 16th, 2009, 07:07 PM
You have :thud: worthy hair and I think your curves are gorgeous (and yes, I love your tail too!) Fashion is doing what everyone else is doing. Style is what you choose to do for yourself! You have STYLE! :grouphug:
Well...that sums it all up!:)

shadowclaw
August 16th, 2009, 07:54 PM
Your hair is beautiful and definitely not a sign of psychosis, LittleOrca! Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. I know how family members can be about things. Because they are so close to us and are so honest with us, they often forget that they can really hurt us with small comments that they really weren't intending to be hurtful or that they think are helpful. They just speak their mind and don't realize that perhaps some things should be kept to themselves. It's a hazard of having a close relationship.

My own mother has recently been telling me that I'm obsessed with my hair because I've been trying to take better care of it. I don't think I'm doing anything that would be considered obsessed -- I don't stare at my hair all day or pet it as I watch tv, or anything else like that. I just put more effort and care into it, and somehow that makes me obsessed.

Also, you and I are built very similar, in my opinion. I don't know if your family ever points out anything about your body, but my mom doesn't hesitate to tell me her opinion about mine. Mostly she just gives me advice and tries to be helpful and encouraging of my never-ending quest to get fit, but sometimes she says things in a way that just makes me feel bad about myself. I know she's not trying to be mean; she just wants what's best for me, like Lady Mary said.

OLLIE
August 16th, 2009, 09:54 PM
That is just Retarded!! Comparing an anerexic to some one that is devoted to healthy long hair. I believe that the people that can not grow beautiful hair always have the rude comments to say. They are the ones that color there hair every color in the rainbow, Cut there hair every time a new fad style comes out and use chemicals to make there hair stay in an unatural way.

I for one am obsessed with my hair. Its an extention of my beauty and I look up to others that feel the same. You have beautiful hair of what I can see in your pic. You stand out cause you don't give into peer preasure and go with the flauk you rather as every one here fly free and meet others as you pass in the sky.
GROW BABY GROW...

willowcandra
August 17th, 2009, 02:40 AM
I always feel like people's reactions to super long hair are just reactions to anything that's not regular or common.

I was told my piercings were a tool of perversion---um k. Simply because it wasn't "normal" to want to have more than just a pair or two of earrings. I just said "and?" in a sarcastic tone. Maybe I am? lol.

I guess you need to look at who is making these comments. Are they different from "regular" people? In terms of hair, style, makeup, etc My guess is probably not. And if they don't feel the need to look different or unique then they may feel that your desire to is somehow weird. I say that's their problem not yours.

(this is not to say that all people who look "normal" will feel that way about people who break the mould but rather that people who have a problem with your mould breaking are more likely to feel that people should blend in or be fashionable or in style.)

There are of course those who would love to have long hair but have allowed themselves to be intimidated by others and so pay it forwards.

Or they may really believe that you have a mental problem.

Either way little Orca sorry you had that reaction. Let it float over your head and make note to self not to discuss image with these people, if they bring it up just smile politely.:D and say "thankyou for your concern" lol.

Rentlle
August 17th, 2009, 03:22 AM
hey :)
don't try to listen to them.. please :)
your hair is gorgeous..
and I mean..
what is this community then?
A bunch of people who are all psychelogicaly ill?
hmmmmm...and they're like 23,310 of them ...

free_hug
August 17th, 2009, 03:37 AM
Hey, LittleOrca!

To me the whole logic of the article & this debate looks ridiculous. For example, saying that overprocessed hair is unhealthy while natural is healthy would make sense - but to compare short & long and say only one of those two reflects a sane personality??! Honestly, this is just ridiculous.
And for another example: the reason i got trapped in pixieland for the last few years i that i kept visiting salons - every time i had problems with my self-esteem. How healthy does that sound? O_O

And another thing that might be important for you: do you think there's any way for you to communicate to them that you love your long hair, and it's important to you? These people are close to you, so maybe if they understood how important it is for you and their comments actually hit a nerve, they wouldn't insist on opposing it so much.

Keep up! Eric's right, you are a Hair Inspiration!

noelgirl
August 17th, 2009, 06:06 AM
Frankly, it seems more obsessive to constantly change than to have one long-standing (no pun intended) goal. It surely seems like it would take up more of my time to decide on trendy style after trendy style and learn how to style each rather than to consistently nurture long hair. And what would it say if they could sway you so easily? It takes strength to stand your ground, not psychosis.

Aditi
August 17th, 2009, 06:16 AM
The thing i am still not getting is when did people started considering long hair as a sign of aneroxic??? :mad: But Oh Well, the people you mentioned in your post are your family members so i don't think i have the right to comment on them.

But just wanted to say that your hair is something which you love the most about yourself and its said as the REAL ORNAMENT for womens so just don't get upset on peoples remarks that easily:)

JamieLeigh
August 17th, 2009, 07:57 AM
Wouldn't it be nice if we were all thick-skinned to the negative comments? :grouphug:

If having long hair is crazy, then look at all the crazy people here. You're in good company. ;)

I'm so sorry you have to deal with negativity. Especially from your own mom. But your hair shouldn't be the only thing you like about yourself. You have beautiful hair, but you also have a beautiful face, and you're very talented in music, and you're very creative (I could never in a million years come up with a way to do an actual working mermaid tail!). You're an amazing and beautiful woman, and there are a lot of special things about you. You wouldn't have an awesome fiance who is very much in love with you, if you weren't special and beautiful. Try not to let other people influence your feelings so much. :flower:

NiAosSi
August 17th, 2009, 08:10 AM
My family acts the same way. They think I am too preoccupied with my hair care and all that jazz. It's mostly my mother and sister. My brother had beautiful TB hair that he cut recently to APL. :( Anyway, I've tried to get them to care for their hair better. My mother's hair is short and she complains about it breaking off, etc. She goes to get it blow-fried every week. What the heck does she expect?! My sister is another story, she dyes her hair as often as she changes her underwear!

We just have to do what makes us happy and not let anyone tell us otherwise. :blossom:

GermanCurl
August 17th, 2009, 08:39 AM
The only important thing is that you and your fiance like your hair. Everybody else's opinion should not matter to you.

lynlora
August 17th, 2009, 09:08 AM
Stop letting other peoples ignorant and/or stupid comments get to you.

melrose1985
August 17th, 2009, 09:39 AM
I'm sorry that happened to you, And i really don't understand why they care at all that the length of your hair is.

Hugs for you! Try to feel better, your hair looks great on you.

simply_me
August 17th, 2009, 09:44 AM
I'm so sorry that your own family said that to you. I don't know, but you would expect family to be most accepting of us not matter what. Just my thought, though. Anyway, I think you and your hair are beautiful.

getoffmyskittle
August 17th, 2009, 10:33 AM
My family used to be really negative about it. They'd tease me and sometimes my mom even got mad at me because she thought I was spending too much time on my hair and not enough time studying (which is sort of loltastic now - but I remember clearly being yelled at because I was mixing up a hair treatment instead of studying. I was like "Mom, I'm going to put it in my hair and THEN study - multitasking!").

... four years later...

My sister is an LHC member and we talk about LHC, and haircare in general, in my house. My mom hennas and asks me for hair advice. Even my friends know about LHC and a couple of them have joined (though they don't really post) and use coconut oil and henna. :D

So, it's not exactly the same thing, but they'll at least get used to it, even if you can't assimilate them (:eyebrows:). Until then, just do what you gotta do.

LadyGunn
August 17th, 2009, 10:41 AM
I admit that in some ways I spend more time on my hair than I used to when it was short--it takes longer to dry and detangle, for example--but it also takes less to make it look nice. Throw it in a braid and wham, it's acceptable. Back when my hair was chin-length, I'd have to blow-dry it and curl the ends under to make it look nice. (I was, of course, too lazy to do this 99% of the time so it would just hang there unattractively, so technically I didn't spend any more time on it than I do on my hair now, but properly I SHOULD have).

<snip>

I was the same way & have tried to get my mom to see the difference when she complains that I'm obsessed & spend too much time doing "weird stuff" with my hair "rigamarole." No dice thus far.


God, I know exactly how you feel. And, here's this beautiful feature that you feel never lets you down, and friends/family/society come and take a dump on it. :steam

I'm in the same boat with y'all. However, I stopped by my mom's cousin's house while she was on the phone with my mom & her jaw dropped & "Oh my goodness! LG, you have the most gorgeous hair!" That was about two weeks ago & I'm still going on that one compliment. So, LittleOrca, take in the honest comments you've read here about your jaw-dropping, thud-worthy hair & let the rest slide off your back. I know it's tough, especially when it comes from your family, but come vent to us & we'll let you know the truth about your hair. ;)


<snip>

There is a lot my mother has done for me that makes this comment looks like nothing but a small fly on a grand cake (the fly is gross, but the cake still looks great, except for where the fly landed). She has offered support on many different issues that some people would probably burn me for (religion, mermaid tails, meeting my fiancé on World of Warcraft...) and how much she went through to get us out of a bad situation (wont be getting into that.) She was also supportive of my hair in some ways, telling me what was working and what wasn't in an honest (and not mean) way so I knew what my hair was liking and what it wasn't.

<snip>

Okay, that right there seriously rocks. Go geeks! :rockerdud :D

NiAosSi
August 17th, 2009, 11:56 AM
Hear, hear! :beerchug:





Okay, that right there seriously rocks. Go geeks! :rockerdud :D

Fractalsofhair
August 17th, 2009, 02:00 PM
The only time I could see long hair as being a sign of a mental problem is if it is simply matted and one huge mess that hasn't been taken care of.(Think "Polish plait" in terms of style) or if one refuses to do safe hobbies due to their hair(and by that I mean refusing to go on a rollercoaster or swimming for said reason, even with our hair put up or covered by a swimcap and with permission to do deep treatments and such). Or if someone had wanted to join the military since they were a young child, and then decided not to because they'd have to get a haircut. Also, if the hair interferes with one's life, and takes up an extreme amount of time(Or, if someone was quadriplegic, and couldn't do their own hair, and did not have willing family to help take care of the hair, an occasional buzzcut would be the easiest for them given their situation). However, many short haired people spend HOURS on their hair each day, so by excessive I mean taking up all of one's time. But that's fairly rare, and having long hair in it of itself isn't a mental illness, and it would rarely be a sign of one.

dawnss
August 17th, 2009, 06:06 PM
All that I can say is just that to do what makes you happy.

wahmof9
August 17th, 2009, 06:20 PM
Hear, hear! :beerchug:
NiAosSi, nothing to do with the thread but I love that avatar pictures!:)

EtherealOde
August 18th, 2009, 12:14 AM
LittleOrca you are probably the most unusual person I have come across in quite some time, and it makes you exceptionally interesting. I always encouraged my children to embrace their differences, and it seems that for the most part, you have done the same with your differences. You are a lovely person, with diverse interests and multiple talents. I wouldn't let your mother's comments get you down, they were likely spoken in a moment of thoughtlessness given her support of you in the past. My own mother has never supported me in anything, so I know from experience what kind of damage a toxic parent can do. Yours just lost control of the mouth/brain interface for awhile and I am sure it was not meant to cause you distress.

But if it does happen again, simply explain that what you are doing comes from a desire to have better overall health and your hair will show that as it grows. Also, I would tell her gently and without any anger, that when she speaks to you in that fashion it causes you hurt and as you cannot imagine her wanting to hurt you purposely that you are sure it is entirely unintentional but that she needs to be aware of her words and stop them before she speaks. Then thank her and tell her you love her, and move on. If it continues to happen then you will know there are some deeper issues that need to be addressed.

For now, big hugs to you and another comment of appreciation from someone else who thinks your hair is lovely. :grouphug:

LittleOrca
August 18th, 2009, 04:00 AM
If loving my long hair makes me psychotic, then I embrace it! (Just don't let me shout that too near my Grad School since I am going in to study being a counselor...:lol:.)

The latest proof my my hair Psychosis!


http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff176/Little_Orca/Long&#37;20Hair%20Gallery/Length%20Shots/IMG_7657.jpg
Look how tortured I am. I am in so much mental anguish. (major sarcasm)

http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff176/Little_Orca/Long%20Hair%20Gallery/Length%20Shots/IMG_7656.jpg
I hide behind my hair, afraid to show who I really am to the world! Now, just let me slip on this mermaid tail... (more major sarcasm... save for the mermaid tail part :D)

http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff176/Little_Orca/Long%20Hair%20Gallery/Length%20Shots/IMG_7658.jpg
Look! It reaches the floor when I lay on the bed. Goodness me, I need treatment, STAT! (need I say it again?)

http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff176/Little_Orca/Long%20Hair%20Gallery/Length%20Shots/IMG_7661.jpg
I do what the voices in my hair tell me to do... (rofl)

WaimeaWahine
August 18th, 2009, 04:43 AM
They really hit a nerve by crucifying the only thing I like about myself (in a physical sense).

That makes me sad. :( Do you know what I would give to have pretty eyes like yours and a beautiful clear complexion? You are so gorgeous and I wish you could see what others see. What's not to like?

SimplyLonghair
August 18th, 2009, 04:45 AM
LittleOrca! :rollin: that is just too funny! I also do what the voices in my hair tell me to do! So I guess that I am a "hair psychotic" too! lol

embee
August 18th, 2009, 05:01 AM
No no, not hair *psychotic*, more like hair *psychic*.... listening to what your hair says it needs...

Beautiful hair pic there, LittleOrca!

jahof45
August 18th, 2009, 09:35 AM
Demons, I cast you OUT of LittleOrca's hair. BE GONE and trouble this young mermaid no more! LMAO That should stop those pesky little voices!

LittleOrca
August 18th, 2009, 10:18 AM
:rollin: I thought it was a good caption for the picture. My fianc&#233; thought it was awesome. Maybe that could be our LHC shirt.

~~~LHC~~~
I do what the voices in my hair tell me to do.

Nah, just kidding. ;)

nowxisxforever
August 18th, 2009, 10:29 AM
LittleOrca, honey, your hair is beautiful-- and I think their opinions are influenced by pop culture. They have no reason to fight against what's been shoved on them, because they don't specifically disagree with it... so I wouldn't worry about their opinions much.

That said-- wouldn't short hair be more like anorexia? Must have the short, new, layered, colored, razor-cut, teased, permed, etc.etc. thing? Anorexia is a disorder that started to fulfill a beauty ideal... short hair is "trendy". A beauty ideal. Not to say that skinniness or short hair are *bad* - they are simply...trendy. Long hair, curves? Classic. Outdated. Still lovely.

Edit: My family thinks I'm a little nuts about it too, to be honest, but at least they're nice about it!

LittleOrca
August 18th, 2009, 12:44 PM
That makes me sad. :( Do you know what I would give to have pretty eyes like yours and a beautiful clear complexion? You are so gorgeous and I wish you could see what others see. What's not to like?

Society's and even strangers' constant harassments about my weight. They don't care that I have lost 22 pounds, they only care I am not a size 0 like a supermodel. Heck, I don't even want to be a size 0, but a size 6 or 8 might be nice. :D But in the process of shedding pounds, I know I have to learn to like myself because when I reach a smaller waist I will still be me, and that includes the "I hate how I look!" image issue since I will just focus on something else then, I am sure. :rolleyes:

Hiriel
August 19th, 2009, 12:00 PM
they only care I am not a size 0 like a supermodel.
Maybe veering off topic here, but:
I was slightly underweight for years, but never anywhere near a size 0. I'm still skinny at size 8. 0 is so tiny. For what it's worth, from the pictures I've seen of you, you look both healthy and good. And your hair is beautiful :)

If I may quote from "beauty and the geek":

I didn't even know there was a size zero. I mean, zero is nothing!
(No offense to anyone who is a natural size 0, but it's just plain unrealistic for 95% of people.)