View Full Version : Low self confidence at the moment

August 12th, 2009, 12:16 PM
I've had tough two years. I think I was seriously depressed because of some problems I had but I didn't search for help. I'm a bit better now but still not totally OK. During that time I abused my hair with bleach. I burnt it up to my ears with it. I had to cut a lot of it. From BSL up to my ears. I also gained 20 pounds. So now I have short hair and 20 pounds extra. The reason I'm writing this is because even though I want long hair so much it hurts, I have a huge urge to cut 3 inches. It's my layers, they are starting to become messy and frizzy looking. But I know I must not cut it if I want it long. Do you ever get down like that and just want to do a stupid thing? I could use some support in holding this through. I'm sorry if I'm a pain.

August 12th, 2009, 12:19 PM
DO something nice for your hair instead. Do a deep treatment. Pamper yourself a little. Go get a new toy for your hair. Turn the sour mood into something good.

August 12th, 2009, 01:46 PM
You're not a pain, everyone needs to hear some support once in a while.

You could "nicely" cover the issues from your hair past with conditioner and some other pampering treatments. Until it's grown long enough that you feel comfortable cutting off the damaged hair. Maybe you should pamper yourself as well, a healthy body is a healthy mind.

Try find something to do once you're alone that you'll benefit from.

August 12th, 2009, 01:57 PM
You're not being a pain. :) Growing out hair from very short takes ages, and in the early stages the urge to cut it and make it look 'neater' is really strong. I'd say make up an SMT and give your hair some love.

August 12th, 2009, 02:05 PM
Sounds like you're at that *horrible* length where it's too long/shaggy to be left down and too short to go up. I hated that time. Fortunately I was broke and couldn't afford trims to keep things neat, so just had to grit my teeth and pin my hair back best I could and hope that stage passed soon.

What joy I felt when I actually could pull my hair back into a nape of the neck pony stub and put on a bow or fancy barrette!!!! ;)

Hang in there. This too shall pass. :)

August 12th, 2009, 02:08 PM
Again, you are not a pain. I too think you might consider pampering your hair for a day. A deep treatment, new style, hair toy--this will not only make your hair look and feel better, it might too make you feel better (emotionally speaking).

August 12th, 2009, 02:10 PM
When I felt really depressed about my body and hair, I paid more attention to my clothes and make-up. You don't have to wear a lot of it to make yourself feel prettier... might be moot if you already.

I'm sorry you're going through so much pain. I went through a phase where I was really depressed about my hair too, but try to forget about it for a while, pamper it and cut off only what you need to.

August 12th, 2009, 02:19 PM
If a pampering treatment doesn't make you feel better, maybe it's time for a teeny-tiny trim to shape things up a little. When I was growing my hair from a pixie cut, I had trims every 6-8 weeks. It made my hair look more well cared for. It made me feel more well cared for. And my hair grew and grew. Of course you need a supportive stylist who knows how to take 1/4 to 1/2 inch off at a time and no more, but in my experience they aren't too hard to find. You just have to be very firm about what you want and what your goals are, then watch them like a hawk searching for prey.

August 12th, 2009, 02:24 PM
Don't give up on your hair, it'll grow! I'm sure there are a lot of styles you can wear at the meantime even if your hair seems too short or unruly.

I'm sorry that you have to go through depressive times, it is very hard to get out of it once your in it. I remember when I was depressed, it felt like 'whats the point of not being depressed when everything sucks anyway'. But believe me, you can get through this! And everything will look brighter. Whatever you do, don't let yourself sit in one place feeling sorry for yourself, it will only make things worse. Try to stay occupied is the best advice I can give.

August 12th, 2009, 02:36 PM
Do you ever get down like that and just want to do a stupid thing?

Just after my ex boyfriend broke up with me I thought; right I need a change, I need to grow up, I've had this hairstyle for years, no one will ever find me attractive with hair like this.
So the next day I walked down to the hairdresser in town that you don't need appointments for and said "Right, I'm after a new style, my hair is in your hands, do with it what you will".

My hair was at shoulder length and then a little bit when I went in, and just at ear length with a fringe when I came out (see my picture album).

Never have I been more upset with myself for doing something so stupid with my hair. But now I am dealing with the breakup much better, and am growing my hair out, and pampering it (and myself!!) a lot more; and taking more care about my appearance.

I have been diagnosed with "reactive depression" by the doctor and am on anti d's for it; but I am getting there. I hope that you find the support here that you need. Feel free to PM me if you need to.

Hugs to you xxx

August 12th, 2009, 03:02 PM
Don't think you are being a pain........everybody is entitled to have a bad day and need some extra support :)

I am growing out horrible layers so I know how you feel. They get to a certain length and then stick out everywhere!! You just have to remember that they will grow and start to look better, it just takes a bit of time. I was really tempted a few times to have loads cut off my hair but I am really glad I didn't. I did have a couple of tiny trims to 'tidy' things up a bit one my hair got longer, but like spidermom wisely advised, make sure you find a supportive stylist

Try to forget about your layers and they wil grow before you know it!! Pamper yourself, give yourself a well deserved treat and start feeling good about yourself. I hope you find happiness soon :):):)

August 12th, 2009, 03:02 PM
Thank you all so much. I'm going to buy a little butterfly for my hair I think. It's not just my hair as you've realised. I just tend to ruin it when I'm down. That bleach abuse happened when I was so down I didn't care to wash it out in time. Again thank you.

August 12th, 2009, 03:37 PM
yes i've felt like that today as it happens.
Had the fourth idiot ask if I'm pregnant - (stomach bloated from period and lactulose as it happens) had me in tears and (somewhat irrelevantly) wanting to cut all my hair within an inch of my scalp.
Instead I had a good cry, did some comfort shopping and washed my hair instead:)

Your butterfly idea is lovely.

August 12th, 2009, 03:52 PM
When my hair looks bad, I try to wear cool earrings to direct the attention to other things.
I feel your pain on layers - never again!!

August 12th, 2009, 04:03 PM
aww, your not a pain. Many of us feel bad about our hair or bodies from time to time. We have to remember though that stress and negative thinking will affect our hair and bodies more and make us in a worse feeling state. Stress and poor health can lead to weight gain, split ends, etc (I know I've been there). Like others have said pamper yourself with a new hair toy or learning a new hairstyle or way to clip it back. If you feel it would help a small self-trim to even up the ends even a bit. Perhaps listen to some relaxing music, write your thoughts down, do some yoga, smt, cook something healthy, go for a walk to a lovely spot. Anything positive you can do for yourself. I think you'll find LHC a lovely place to get support.

August 12th, 2009, 05:16 PM
Hi! I am so sorry, i know what you are going through(literally)...i would suggest, as others did, alittle treat for the hair, a treatment and a few cute hair decorations, maybe a pretty scarf or hat to help cheer you up and it will help you feel more confidant too. and my layers feel like they will never grow out!! but they do so hang in there! and you are never a pain! this is a great place full of love and good advice and lots of nonjudgement .

August 12th, 2009, 05:34 PM
You just stop that kind of thinking right now. It is absolutely cool to cut your hair if you want to, but never do it as a reaction to being sad and feeling unattractive. If you keep looking in the mirror and seeing yourself as having gained twenty pounds and having fried ends you are going to give that idea of yourself the ability to harden and then you will have a much harder time getting past it. Do as the others suggest and give your hair a nice SMT, do a face mask and feel pretty. Much love and support!

August 12th, 2009, 06:17 PM
If you're creative at all (or even a tiny bit crafty), I made a cute hair thing out of duct tape and a bobby pin. I'm sure you could use a clip.

Here's a tutorial http: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQugj2zpvXs

It kept me busy, and I had an awesome new hair toy when I was done! All I did was take it one step further by taping it to a clip. It always cheers me up to wear it and I feel a bit happier about everything then.

Good luck, I hope you feel better soon!

August 12th, 2009, 07:57 PM
hey there - I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. I've had 20 lbs to lose before (not fun) what I found helpful was to focus on things I could do something about with instant gratification like a great bath, painting my toenails, buying a shirt in a nice color or great fabric that made me feel pretty.

have you seen anyone for your depression? it's very common and there's lots of help available.

best wishes, and good luck to you

August 13th, 2009, 02:01 AM
I haven't seen anyone for it. I went through two years of hell on my own. My mum kept asking me what's wrong but I said it was nothing, went to my room and abused my hair or body somehow. I think I would be OK now if I wasn't so tired but I work 12 hours a day and it's killing me.

August 13th, 2009, 02:57 AM
Would it be possible to talk to someone where you live?
I found that they can help, it's not magical obviously but it helped me get some perspective on things. They were just like a good friend to talk to, one with life experience and a degree on the subject.

If you can't or don't want to talk to anyone, you could always talk to yourself. Writing a journal is a good way of getting feelings and thoughts out.

Maybe you do need some time to relax, maybe you could bring an mp3 player to work. Or bring your favourite food and drink in a bag.

August 13th, 2009, 03:47 AM
Please go to your doctor. You can get help. It's nothing to be ashamed of. i have been in therapy and on antidepressants for years, nearly decades. I now have a quality of life I would never have dreamed of.:grouphug:

August 13th, 2009, 07:02 AM
This was me a couple of years ago, and while I did get out of it, in hindsight I do often kick myself for not seeking help sooner rather than later. It did not have to get as bad as it did, and I only now know that. That being said, my big breakthrough was knowing that I don't have to punish myself. For some reason I got it into my head that I'm a horrible person and that's why bad things happened to me (details I won't go into here), so I denied myself anything fun. I went to work and went home and wouldn't socialize or do the things I really wanted to do. That's absolutely the worst thing I could have done. How or why this clicked in me I can't explain, but once I started getting out and doing things, the fog lifted. I used to sit at home all morning before an afternoon shift at work, but once I took up dance again and scheduled classes for that time slot, I started to feel like I had a life other than work. I started using my days off to spend time with friends again, or go to the beach, or take in a good movie. It sounds like you work a lot, and I can relate to that, but do remember that you deserve a life outside of work too.

August 13th, 2009, 07:56 AM
I haven't seen anyone for it. I went through two years of hell on my own. My mum kept asking me what's wrong but I said it was nothing, went to my room and abused my hair or body somehow. I think I would be OK now if I wasn't so tired but I work 12 hours a day and it's killing me.

PLEASE talk about this to someone close who you trust! Don't say nothing because you feel it's not important. It IS important and YOU are important! We love you here and you are not a pain by any means but you really need a good support circle in real life okay? Please talk to someone who will help you work through this. Sometimes depression is a chemical problem and no amount of shopping or positive thinking will life you out of it. There is nothing wrong with taking a mild anti-depressant to get you through it either. It doesn't mean you are "weak" or "crazy"! If you had cancer you would get treatment right? Or diabetes? This is no different. If it could help you have a better life then there is nothing wrong with it! BUT you don't need just a pill either. You need to find out what is causing this depression. It could be rooted in the past or could be genetic or both. Only a professional counselor can determine that and help you decide the steps to take. Now, a BIG BIG HUG FROM ME!!!!! {{{{{{JULIA}}}}}