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missfortune9335
August 11th, 2009, 05:17 PM
:rolleyes: so, I have not been at this for very long but already I've gotten a couple of "what is going on with your apperance lately?" from fam. and co-workers.

(I should mention that before I decided to really grow my hair I would blow dry and curl and style it every day, and now I'm making an effort to wear it up most days and not even use the hairspray so I suppose I do look a little different)

when I explain that I'm working hard at growing my hair out I get a suspicious look and then they ask "how long...." when I tell them how long I want it to be, and what I'm doing to try to get it there they look at me like I'm crazy.

SO. #1 - what's wrong with up-dos?? I'm doing mostly french twists and french braids with the ends tucked under, both of which I think look very elegant.

AND#2 - what do people have against long (really long) hair and/or the process it takes to get there? Is it mostly just because it's a little non-conformist? Did any of you have the same experiances? I guess I just honestly didn't think people would care what I did with my hair...

kdaniels8811
August 11th, 2009, 05:24 PM
I get the "why are you growing your hair out? To donate to locks of love?" No, because I want long (hip length) healthy hair. It seems some people are threatened by anything unfamiliar and maybe growing our hair out long falls into that category. I think my hair is more flattering to my face when it is down so try to wear it down for a few hours on the weekend for my SO - he is so patient!

It is just a change for you and folks are threatened by change. That is why we have this forum for support! We need each other to encourge us on our hair journey. So come on, grow with us. And keep us informed about how you are doing.

rach
August 11th, 2009, 05:31 PM
i didn't release that tailbone/hip was doable for most if looked after, think rest is down to good genes. obviously a good diet comes into it also and you don't know till you try. here in the uk. same
people think your unlikely to make it and it rubs off on you and you end up believing it. (until you come on LHC) and they probably think, oh so much harder working with long hair -
yes it is if your styling it every day but there are plenty of easy up-dos if you don't want to put effort in every day and actually leaving it alone brings it's own rewards.
e.g my obvious one so far has been - i used to straighten it an it looked awfull so i straightened it more.
came here with new resolutions and questions and since then i've condioned it and left it. my waves have come back really nice which i never thought i'd like, but it's almost rewarded me back for looking after it.

renarok
August 11th, 2009, 05:31 PM
Firstly, congratulations on taking better care of your hair.

I have found that it is better to be a little vague about hair goals. I don't try to expound too much the benefits of CO vs' more standard shampoo methods or any of our more non traditional hair care methods.

I try and change the subject when people get curious. I had a friend say that my hair is getting "freakishly long". I just smiled and said thanks. (I wish:o) Then I told her I liked her________________ (fill in the blank). How some one else feels about your appearance is irrelevent.

Us long haired folks have to grow us some thick skin. Don't let other people's opinions count too much.

RancheroTheBee
August 11th, 2009, 06:08 PM
I don't really talk about my goals to other people. I just say I'll stop growing when I want to and leave it at that. To be frank, I just don't want to be judged or get "that look" from people (and believe me, I've gotten that look just by saying I wanted it to waist. And I was lying: I wanted it at hip.)

Speckla
August 11th, 2009, 06:17 PM
I got the "what's up with your hair?" for a long time. I used to color and style my hair in all type of funky styles for years. I decided to let it grow and it didn't look too great at first but more length and less heat/chemicals = beautiful hair. Now no one says anything negative. Now I mostly hear, don't cut or do anything but let it grow. I try not to mention wanting hip length because I get the LOL comment. I have no problems with people donating but then I don't want to explain why I'm 'selfish' for wanting to keep my own hair.

missfortune9335
August 11th, 2009, 06:18 PM
Ranchero - I can imagine! I'm getting the crazy look right now and my goal is only BSL for now!

missfortune9335
August 11th, 2009, 06:20 PM
I've seen a few postings where people say they are told they're being selfish for not donating their hair, I don't frankly understad that either. How is it selfish to want to keep your hair, and also how does anyone feel they have the right to say that? Can you inquire as to how much of thier income they donate and decide what you think is selfish or not?

wackyredtangles
August 11th, 2009, 06:25 PM
If people get too nosy just say you're busy doing whatever, and you like having your hair out of your face. People will find something new to talk about soon.

I've never really gotten any funny looks for having long hair that I've noticed. Its never been longer than waist,which isn't too long. I usually get told not to cut it. Most people don't really see it anyways since its usually up.

MandaMom2Three
August 11th, 2009, 07:32 PM
LOL I get this constantly! And if growing my hair out wasn't shocking enough for those around me, I've recently got fed up with people telling me how I'm "supposed" to look and accepted and embraced the goth I always knew I was. So now people just look at me like :agape: . Though actually, it's sort of taken the focus of the length of my hair, win :D

Áine
August 11th, 2009, 08:49 PM
I don't really talk about my goals to other people. I just say I'll stop growing when I want to and leave it at that.

That's pretty much how I feel about it. I don't bring it up for discussion, and I won't say too much to indulge the prodding asker.

MsBubbles
August 11th, 2009, 08:57 PM
I agree. Hair length goal is an off-limits discussion for me with anyone outside LHC. None of their business!

spidermom
August 11th, 2009, 09:13 PM
I like to make people's jaws drop by saying things like "I intend to grow it until it drops to the floor behind my chair." I wish more people would badger me about it!

Carolyn
August 11th, 2009, 09:23 PM
I don't get many comments any more. At least to my face I don't. My advice would be to give as little info on hair goals as possible. Be vague and non-committal. Don't volunteer anything about your hair. Long hair seems to weird out a lot of people. I've found it's best to keep hair discussions limited to LHC on line and LHC meets unless you have a real life long hair, hair growing buddy who "gets it".

heynormy
August 11th, 2009, 09:33 PM
I get that sometimes because up until the beginning of this year I would heat style everyday, but now I just throw it all up in a bun. Plus my job requires me to have my hair up, so people cut me some slack there! Most of my friends are actually really supportive so I hardly get any negative comments about my goals, however a few weeks ago I mentioned that I was growing my hair out till waist to a male friend and he was like "why would you want to do that?" Now in my head I was like "hmm...why did you get that ugly tattoo on your neck, oh because you wanted to, well I guess I just want to grow my hair out!" In reality I said "I think long hair is very pretty."
Some people will never understand!

Roseate
August 11th, 2009, 09:35 PM
I've got nothing but positive feedback on growing my hair, even at it's longest, when it was down to my elbows.

Wearing it wurly instead of straightened is another story. I've gotten some odd remarks about that.

The first time I wore it that way to work: "What's up with your hair? Is it 'Casual Friday'?" ...It was Wednesday.:rolleyes:

SheaLynne
August 11th, 2009, 11:59 PM
Ugh, I'm in the same boat with my length being a new thing to most. I'm almost at waist for the first time (I've usually stayed somewhere b/t shoulder and bsl, occasionally cutting a bit shorter or growing a bit longer.)

Just before I found LHC, I had a lady at church ask me if I had found a hairdresser in our area yet (we moved here 2 years ago). I told her that I hadn't (I've gone for a trim twice in that time, different places each time). So, she says..."Well, I noticed your hair just kept getting longer and I thought you must not have found anyone yet." And she proceeded to tell me she is a hairdresser on the side and she'd be glad to cut my hair for me!:run:

That threw me for such a loop that I really started doubting continuing to grow my hair, and then I started looking around online :google: and found this place--all the support and encouragement I needed!! :joy:

Since then, I've let a few friends know that I'm trying out some new updos (on me and my dd) and have posted pics on my blog, and I've had nothing but positive feedback.

Unfortunately, I got TONS of compliments the one night I did a half up and flatironed the back...I can't figure out how to get the same effect w/o the heat styling...:rolleyes:

I know there won't always be compliments, and as I get closer to tailbone, there will be more questions about why I'm not cutting, but I'll deal with those when they come. (And when the hairdresser asks me again about a cut, I'll be telling her that I'm doing my own trims now that it is long enough to pull around to the front LOL).

aksown
August 12th, 2009, 01:19 AM
I don't have a problem with discussing my hair goals with my friends and family. Everyone is very encouraging, which is kind of a bummer. I have a bunch of pithy comebacks that I practice in the shower everyday, just in case. :D

Wicked Princess
August 12th, 2009, 01:32 AM
I've been fortunate in that my family is very supportive of me growing my hair out. My mother, who is filipino, used to have very long hair (past her butt) when she was younger, and likes to braid my hair as it is now :) Hey...I might be 24, but I swear I'm still not too old to let my mother braid my hair! Especially since she can...you know...actually do it in cool styles whereas I can mess up a simple english braid *giggle*

Most of the time, I think my friends don't comment on my hair...they comment on my hair sticks! I have different colored ones and they seem to have made a game out guessing of which ones I'll be using that day, haha. I think they would be shocked to ever see it down.

I did have one person harass me about why I wanted to grow my hair long a couple ago. I finally gave up and in frustration said, "So I can strangle annoying people with it" to her. Grr! I don't mind being asked - I recognize that longer hair is a curiosity for some. But come on...asking multiple times is just rude!

KiwiLiz
August 12th, 2009, 03:58 AM
Well, I've moved since starting to grow my hair, so to all the people I know in Melbourne as far as they know I've always had long hair, so I don't get any comments like that from them -I would if i suddenly cut it short though.

I think it's a change that just makes people a little bewildered, it's like they want to acknowledge it but they don't know how, so they say silly things.

Katze
August 12th, 2009, 04:08 AM
when I explain that I'm working hard at growing my hair out I get a suspicious look and then they ask "how long...." when I tell them how long I want it to be, and what I'm doing to try to get it there they look at me like I'm crazy.

SO. #1 - what's wrong with up-dos?? I'm doing mostly french twists and french braids with the ends tucked under, both of which I think look very elegant.

AND#2 - what do people have against long (really long) hair and/or the process it takes to get there? Is it mostly just because it's a little non-conformist? Did any of you have the same experiances? I guess I just honestly didn't think people would care what I did with my hair...

I get the same reaction, all the time, from anyone I tell I am growing my hair. ("But it's so THIN. And the ends...! ") and the look 'uh, yeah, you ARE crazy, aren't you." The older I get the easier these looks are to ignore.

Now on to your questions.

1 many people do not see the difference between one updo and another. To them, your hair is "pulled back" or "pinned up." Period. Maybe they don't understand why it is always up nowadays. But if you like it, that is what matters. :)

2 I don't think most people understand what is needed to get long hair. That is why they don't have it. It is not hostility, it is simply ignorance. It is not non conformist, it is, in many parts of the industrialized world, Not Done. They just don't understand it.

Case in point - I have made friends with women from my birth prep class and we get together with our babies a couple times a month. When our babies were first born, all of the other women talked about how they were longing to get back to the salon and get things looking good again. Most have dyed or bleached hair, and only one has APL length - the rest have shoulder length layered 'styles.' While mine might not look as polished as theirs on the days I just 'throw it up and go', it is MUCH less maintenance (even when I have to work hard to make it look smooth and presentable). Talking to them about hair, I just got blank looks. I can do a number of different things at my length, though I am unskilled compared to most LHCers, but, again, it just looks like 'Katze has her hair up again.' But, compared to these 'styled' women, my hair can mostly be out of my baby's way.

missfortune9335
August 12th, 2009, 06:06 AM
thanks for the encouragement ladies, i appreciate it.
Mandamom! (I've recently got fed up with people telling me how I'm "supposed" to look and accepted and embraced the goth I always knew I was. So now people just look at me like . Though actually, it's sort of taken the focus of the length of my hair, win)
that's awesome!! lol, 'bet you're not thinking about my hair now are you.

Toadstool
August 12th, 2009, 06:12 AM
:rolleyes: so, I have not been at this for very long but already I've gotten a couple of "what is going on with your apperance lately?" from fam. and co-workers.



Actually the question here is: What is going on with other people's manners???

nicolina
August 12th, 2009, 06:26 AM
My parents and sister (I'm at my family's house every summer) treat it like a stage or a fad. They think the hairsticks are weird. And ficcares are ridiculously expensive.And putting oil and vinegar and stuff into my hair is odd. One of the updos I did last week that I thought looked cute (with a hairband to cover greasies) got the comment - 'that looks like something you would wear to the gym.' I just don't tell them what I'm doing to my hair anymore.

noelgirl
August 12th, 2009, 06:32 AM
In my family, I've always been the odd one out in many ways, so this is just one more. Nobody's said I'm letting myself go or anything like that - at least not to my face :p Actually, since I've been on LHC, my already-long hair has gotten healthier and looks more intentional, so I've gotten more positive reactions and fewer reactions like a shorthair who "needs" a haircut.

Unzadi
August 12th, 2009, 06:33 AM
People are going to notice change and comment on it. It's new and different, therefore it will be noticed. People are free to like it or not, but one would hope they will express their opinions in a polite manner, either way. I find that "thanks, I like it" in a pleasant tone of voice usually works. It could be that this is merely not what whoever has seen before or expects.

Like Mandamomtothree, I'm also starting to embrace a more gothic aesthetic and ditching the practical jeans and tshirts for the creative and artistic stuff I prefer. Change is fun, and the best accessory is attitude. :)

ladylibra
August 12th, 2009, 06:37 AM
Can you inquire as to how much of thier income they donate and decide what you think is selfish or not?

Thank you!


...however a few weeks ago I mentioned that I was growing my hair out till waist to a male friend and he was like "why would you want to do that?" Now in my head I was like "hmm...why did you get that ugly tattoo on your neck, oh because you wanted to, well I guess I just want to grow my hair out!"

You should've said exactly what was on your mind! I would have; it really drives a point home. ;)

shwankie
August 12th, 2009, 06:44 AM
Most people I know now haven't ever seen me with short hair, so my long hair is just kind of accepted without question. Those friends I have that did see me with shorter hair like my long hair and all the fun and weird stuff I do with it. I have eccentric friends.

Since I have to wear it up for my job (I am a Personal Chef) and activities (hiking, kickboxing, swimming, and cycling), very few people even have any idea how long it really is. When they see it down, it's usually very positive, and some women at the gym have even started growing their own hair out recently (I can't claim I started this, I have no idea why it's happening; but, it certainly means no one's really judging me for it now).

The exception to this is my grandmother, who raised me. She grew up in a time when most women had their hair cut short and styled with rollers. She does that to this day to herself (she has a lady friend who cuts and sets her hair), and she used to make comments about liking me better with my hair shorter, though she agrees my long hair is beautiful. She just used to think I looked more stylish with short hair. My key tool here was that she grew up during the depression, and is very frugal. So, I told her how much those "cute" haircuts she used to like me in cost me monthly since I don't have a lady friend who will do it for free, along with product, and how much it costs me to keep my hair long. She was flabbergasted, and since has done nothing but compliment me on my hair, and comment how quickly I can get it up and off my face (I lived with her as a teenager--she remembers how long styling took back then!). She's proud to have raised a smart woman who realizes the value of a dollar, she says. :-)

nicolina
August 12th, 2009, 07:13 AM
shwankie - that's an awesome story! Your grandmother sounds so cool.

MandaMom2Three
August 12th, 2009, 07:23 AM
that's awesome!! lol, 'bet you're not thinking about my hair now are you.

Yes, but now I must think of something totally outrageous to get their minds off my gothiness, hmmmmm. :hmm:


Actually the question here is: What is going on with other people's manners???

Seriously eh!


Change is fun, and the best accessory is attitude. :)

:rockerdud

Medievalmaniac
August 12th, 2009, 08:01 AM
We recently had our dress code updated at work. Most of the women have been working particularly hard on looking nice and having really polished office hair and such. I definitely get looks because mine is usually thrown up in a claw or bun and there are always stragglers - today, it's in a Gibson Girl twist, and I got a "wow, that's so pretty and old-fashioned" - in a tone of voice implying "that looks like something my Grandma would do with her hair"...sorry, I'm just not an office girl, never have been, and don't intend to start now. The length doesn't seem to phase anyone, but I think mainly that's because I wear it up. Most of the people I work with haven't really seen it down. It's definitely very different from what it was when I started working here, and definitely very different even from what it was two years ago - but I haven't had many comments. It would totally tick me off, though, if somebody were that snarky towards me! I'm sure I'd snark back.

JamieLeigh
August 12th, 2009, 08:09 AM
People shouldn't care what you do with your hair - and honestly it is none of their business. I think it's a comfort-zone thing. As long as you do what people expect of you, they're comfortable. And when you step out of your box, they get worried. Like, "what else is she going to do?"

And there is nothing wrong with updos, and the French twist and tucked-in braid are indeed very elegant styles. Some people just honestly don't like long hair. :shrug:

rockey
August 12th, 2009, 08:17 AM
agree. Hair length goal is an off-limits discussion for me with anyone outside LHC. None of their business!

bakertwins2004
August 12th, 2009, 08:41 AM
I got that from my mom. She said the classic. Once you turn 30! your too old for hair past shoulders. OH and pony tails past that age (30) are just SILLY and make you look raggedy. I simply said I disagree and that my HUSBAND loves my hair long and if we both enjoy it then long it will be.

Unzadi
August 12th, 2009, 09:51 AM
:looks at past-BSL-twin ponytails: Nice, neat, comfy and pretty.

:looks at birth certificate: Same age as Monkees and Star Trek

:world does not end:

Apparently age is *not* a barrier to hair length or style. :D Granted, some people of any age do not like long hair, and that's fine. They don't have to wear it. Some people find one style and stick with it for life. Again, fine. I like long hair and I like a variety of styles, so I'll keep on playing.

ikn
August 12th, 2009, 12:51 PM
I've never had any bad comments about my hair though the interns at the salon the other day were shocked "isn't it a handful" and "how much shampoo do you use" queations arrived. But then again I'm very fond of the reactions I get when i go out dancing. usually I wear my hair up in the beginning of the evening only to let it down when we start dancing seriously (I may or may not be a bit tipsy at that point). Letting the hair down is usually followed by a lot of appreciative comments and the occasional whistle :)

Your hairdos sound very elegant and chic, i'll be happy for the soccermums to keep their look - I don't want it! In a slightly related matter I'm actually itching to try to make a faux bob (make it look like i had a haircut) to see what the reactions would be....

lynlora
August 12th, 2009, 03:08 PM
To answer question #2 society still has the stupid notion that women are not "supposed" to have long hair past a certain age. Just like men are not "supposed" to have long hair.

manderly
August 12th, 2009, 04:34 PM
I've decided that people are just batsh*t crazy when it comes to certain things.

I called my mom out on this last year.

My mother, for my entire adult life, as long as I've been blowing out my wurls and curls to a straighter style: "Oh why don't you wear your hair curly!? Your curls are so pretty!!"

My mother, since I've been wearing my hair curly: "Why don't you make it all smooth anymore? It was so pretty when you straightened it out."



I looked that woman dead in the eye, told her she was a nutter butter, and pointed out this major consistency problem with her and teased her. Since then, she hasn't offered to cut my hair (what is that?? :rolleyes:) or say anything else about it.

So, to reiterate. When you start growing and wearing your hair differently, everyone around you will lose their minds completely for an indeterminate amount of time.


Perhaps this can be used as a tool for world domination??

irishcurls
August 12th, 2009, 06:26 PM
I get " but your hair is curly....it would look so much better straight." It irritates me. I am very pleased with the hair that God has given me. I will leave it that way.

missfortune9335
August 12th, 2009, 06:38 PM
I get " but your hair is curly....it would look so much better straight." It irritates me. I am very pleased with the hair that God has given me. I will leave it that way.

yes, and people with straight hair do all sorts of things to curl it. I always envy people with curly hair, I say boo to straight ironing it!!