People never learn...huh?

[PhillyGirl1978@]

Ok so I was talking to this woman at my job today, she had a short weave in and her hair was short underneath....the next day I saw her she had about shoulder length micro-braids. Looked painful! I mean like she couldn't frown for like a month! Anyway, she's a friend so I said....wow doesn't that hurt? She said it did while she was getting it done and then for like a day after but it's fine now. I said, just trying to be helpful, be careful with really tight styles like that it can cause your hairline to break off and recede. So she says..."Oh...I know, you have to grease your hairline to keep it from breaking" So I just smiled and said...ok. But I'm thinking, really? I don't let grease touch my hair and it doesn't break. Who is it that told people these lies and why do they believe them. I knew a lady who always had tight styles in her hair and her hairline started back by her ears...and she always looked like she had grease in it. Anyway...so I'm thinking if you want long healthy hair....maybe look to those with long healthy and do what they do. That's what I would do.

[Tyrinaniel]

Ugh, well that's going to happen. I've met people who just listen to who they think are wise, but truly aren't. Sadly, they have to learn the hard way! I hate it too!

[Aer]

I love my mama, but she is growing her hair out, and listens to all the wrong hair myths and resources. She won't take my advice, although she always says that I have really nice hair. If a pop talk show host says something like " Slighlty overprocessing your hair, is actually good for your hair" she will snap that false tidbit up in a second. But if I'm like, "you should try clarifying, to maybe reduce some scalp build up, and a healthy scalp is a heathy growth", she blows it off as nonsense. I don't why some people ignore good advice, but I guess they should do what they're comfortable with.

[GlassEyes]

Maybe it's because they don't care for someone preaching to them, sounding exactly like they do to you. Think about it from their perspective; you're preaching to them, and just like they're saying stuff you don't agree with, you're saying things they don't.

Sometimes, people need to learn from themselves. Just because something is truth to you, doesn't mean people will always accept it, especially if it's unsolicited.

[23_seconds]

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[Aer]

23 Seconds, Thank you for showing my that thread, I followed the link, and that was some insane stuff!

[Aer]

Sorry, I meant "me", not my!

[Speckla]

Yep, sometimes we do the same things again and again but one day something clicks.

[longhairedfairy]

Yep, sometimes we do the same things again and again but one day something clicks.
The "click" of a hair snapping?

[Kathryn0505]

Hairstyles like that make the hairline recede? huh. I never understood why people did their hair like that anyway. I mean, I guess some people like it, and to each their own, but to me it just looks... like a copout. Like, why grow hair out only to put it in braids and leave it like that for weeks?

[prittykitty]

It's because for some people to do certain things with hair can be more miserable than it would be to do the normal routine. I have dry, naturally curly hair that has been permed to give a more relaxed feel. This was before I found this website or I would not have permed my hair. People on this site have offered me the advice to wash my hair with conditioner which is great advice but hard to live with. I tried it and my hair did not feel clean. I have an oily face and scalp. I also don't like bouncy curly curls on me. I would rather have more relaxed hair, so I blow dry mine when it is almost air dried naturally. So, this is the reason why some people don't listen. It's not you or what you tell them, but instead it's just what they are use to and are having a hard time letting go of. I am still here searching for a good alternative to keep my hair relaxed and moisturized at the same time while it grows out.

[Speckla]

The "click" of a hair snapping?


Or our sanity. :eyebrows:

[PhillyGirl1978@]

I think it's called traction alopecia.

[PhillyGirl1978@]

It's just I get a lot of compliments on my hair and usually if I see someone with something that I like a lot, I ask how they got it. And I'm also thinking anything that hurts, like relaxers or micro-braids, probably are doing more harm than good. I don't really preach to others, it's just when I get comments from some of my co-workers about my hair it's usually followed with that "you got that good-hair" comment that bothers me. It's like, "no...I have healthy hair that I take care of....you can take care of yours too.." So when a woman wants long healthy hair, taking advice from someone who has a long weave, or terribly over processed hair doesn't make much sense to me. It's kinda like taking financial advice from someone going through bankruptcy.

[heatherdazy]

I think the main thing is that people just aren't patient. They think a few months is long enough to get some real length.

[rach]

Articles like the one posted here, probably: http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=25466 (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=25466)

:whistle:
lol, that link is funny.

[Anje]

I've always heard that 4ish hair often does do better with oil on it to help prevent breakage, but really, most of us find that to be true. I don't know about "grease", but a bit of coconut oil does help reduce breakage for me!

I doubt it helps with traction alopecia, though.

[SHELIAANN1969]

Or our sanity. :eyebrows:


You mean someone around here still has some? ;)

[Vermelha]

I think the main thing is that people just aren't patient. They think a few months is long enough to get some real length.


So very true. Many people consider SL hair to be "long," and don't aim to grow hair any longer than that because, "it takes too long." Some people try a product or regime once and toss it, then blame their poorly-cared for hair on genetics.

[Vermelha]

It's just I get a lot of compliments on my hair and usually if I see someone with something that I like a lot, I ask how they got it. And I'm also thinking anything that hurts, like relaxers or micro-braids, probably are doing more harm than good. I don't really preach to others, it's just when I get comments from some of my co-workers about my hair it's usually followed with that "you got that good-hair" comment that bothers me. It's like, "no...I have healthy hair that I take care of....you can take care of yours too.." So when a woman wants long healthy hair, taking advice from someone who has a long weave, or terribly over processed hair doesn't make much sense to me. It's kinda like taking financial advice from someone going through bankruptcy.

OMG, I hate that too! This lady asked me for advice, then turned it down because she said, "Well, OUR people don't do that..." I'm like W/E. I'm sorry she didn't want my advice, but I'm not the one asking for it either. Beggers always want to be choosers...

And they SWEAR micros grow hair because "you're leaving it alone." I have yet to meet ONE person who grew their hair out using tight braids. I even went to the stylist to get them and the Haitian lady told me I couldn't get them because of my hair texture. That encounter actually saved my hair. I wish other ladies would learn too...

[Tyrinaniel]

Lol, I'm not patient yet I'm willingly waiting for my hair to grow back. I've had it super long about 4 times in my life. 8th grade was the FIRST time I had my hair cut, but it was only shoulder length. I literally begged to keep having it trimmed because of the head ache, however that was lonnngggg before I found this forum, just after people realized the Y2K bug was nothing. Now I come here often to check out what I'm doing wrong!

You know, my mom has rarely cut her hair. At one point it reached her knees. Man made conditioner actually dries her hair out, so what she does is use shampoo only and I guess lets her natural hair oil do the rest. I don't even know what all she does, but she knows her hair pretty well. She's a smart cookie. I'm in a constant battle from having it too oily to not oily enough :S

[Amara]

I'm always like "ouch!" when i see tight tight braids or other styles and people's hairlines visibly receding and lots of little broken hairs around the hairline.

[SHELIAANN1969]

My friend has a daughter who is about 18 years old, she constantly bleaches her hair and brushes the ever loving daylights out of it. She treats it like she hates it! :(

But I cringe inside and keep my trap shut, oh man, it kills me. But she always wonders why it won't grow past a certain point. :shrug: Maybe it's upset with the maltreatment? :rolleyes:

[spidermom]

One day my SIL complimented my length and asked me about my hair care routine. Along with some advice, I went so far as to buy her a nice wide-tooth comb because I'd seen how she ripped a cheap, close-tooth comb through her wet hair. Not long after that, I stopped by her house and found her ripping the close-tooth comb through her freshly washed hair. It hurt my head to see it, but I kept my mouth shut. You know what they say "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

[Tyrinaniel]

Omg, I cringed when you said that. Ripping. O_O

[PhillyGirl1978@]

I'm always like "ouch!" when i see tight tight braids or other styles and people's hairlines visibly receding and lots of little broken hairs around the hairline.


I know! That's how I was when I saw her braids, right from the hair line, and I know how fragile my hairline is. I can feel all the broken hairs and it actually hurts me!lol

[PhillyGirl1978@]

I'm always like "ouch!" when i see tight tight braids or other styles and people's hairlines visibly receding and lots of little broken hairs around the hairline.


OMG, I hate that too! This lady asked me for advice, then turned it down because she said, "Well, OUR people don't do that..." I'm like W/E. I'm sorry she didn't want my advice, but I'm not the one asking for it either. Beggers always want to be choosers...

And they SWEAR micros grow hair because "you're leaving it alone." I have yet to meet ONE person who grew their hair out using tight braids. I even went to the stylist to get them and the Haitian lady told me I couldn't get them because of my hair texture. That encounter actually saved my hair. I wish other ladies would learn too...

I know...gimme a break! Maybe leaving it alone does well....but not tight styles that cause breakage. I mean like if you find a nice, safe updo and wear it for a while you'll probably notice a lot more growth because it's not encountering damages from clothes and purses and seat-belts and stuff.

[PhillyGirl1978@]

I've always heard that 4ish hair often does do better with oil on it to help prevent breakage, but really, most of us find that to be true. I don't know about "grease", but a bit of coconut oil does help reduce breakage for me!

I doubt it helps with traction alopecia, though.


I honestly think it is just because of treatment. Any kind of heavy mineral oil based product is going to suffocate your hair and keep moisture out. If you use natural oils you'll be ok...best on damp hair to seal in some moisture. AA hair is dry and fragile, yet they treat their hair the harshest so it doesn't seem to grow. When you see AA women that are all natural, their hair grows fine, it does grow out not really down so it doesn't look as long. But I did have a friend was full black and she didn't use chemicals but she did blow dry and other than that she took very good care of her hair. It was down to her butt!

[Vermelha]

I honestly think it is just because of treatment. Any kind of heavy mineral oil based product is going to suffocate your hair and keep moisture out. If you use natural oils you'll be ok...best on damp hair to seal in some moisture. AA hair is dry and fragile, yet they treat their hair the harshest so it doesn't seem to grow. When you see AA women that are all natural, their hair grows fine, it does grow out not really down so it doesn't look as long. But I did have a friend was full black and she didn't use chemicals but she did blow dry and other than that she took very good care of her hair. It was down to her butt!

Very true! I know plenty of AA people who think their hair is durable and strong, when in fact, some AA people have the most fragile of hair textures. They think higher temperatures of heat styling and tighter the braids, the better, when it's much the opposite.

And you're so right about the chemicals. I had a relaxer almost 4 1/2 years ago and my hair was so fine and it would break off at the slightest rake of a comb. Now, I break combs with my hair ;). Strong enough? Chemicals can be OK, but really, most people will find it rather difficult to grow with all the treatments and retouches you have to do. It's harder to maintain relaxed hair than naturally kinky curly hair.

[Vermelha]

I know...gimme a break! Maybe leaving it alone does well....but not tight styles that cause breakage. I mean like if you find a nice, safe updo and wear it for a while you'll probably notice a lot more growth because it's not encountering damages from clothes and purses and seat-belts and stuff.


Yeah, a lot of people get too eager to wear their "long" SL hair down, brushing up against cotton, clothes, purses and all, then they wonder where their hair went...all those bits and pieces are left all over your clothes. I remember, cause it used to be me. I've found though that it's best to put it away if you want to keep it, IMO.

[Vermelha]

One day my SIL complimented my length and asked me about my hair care routine. Along with some advice, I went so far as to buy her a nice wide-tooth comb because I'd seen how she ripped a cheap, close-tooth comb through her wet hair. Not long after that, I stopped by her house and found her ripping the close-tooth comb through her freshly washed hair. It hurt my head to see it, but I kept my mouth shut. You know what they say "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

So very true!!!!!! But then, some people are so hardheaded, yet they'll continue to ask others for advice. Ironic.

[PhillyGirl1978@]

Very true! I know plenty of AA people who think their hair is durable and strong, when in fact, some AA people have the most fragile of hair textures. They think higher temperatures of heat styling and tighter the braids, the better, when it's much the opposite.

And you're so right about the chemicals. I had a relaxer almost 4 1/2 years ago and my hair was so fine and it would break off at the slightest rake of a comb. Now, I break combs with my hair ;). Strong enough? Chemicals can be OK, but really, most people will find it rather difficult to grow with all the treatments and retouches you have to do. It's harder to maintain relaxed hair than naturally kinky curly hair.

I know...AA hair is the most fragile. Straight hair is the strongest most durable. I think Lorraine Massey says that every point where your hair goes to form another curl is a weak spot where it could break. So curly hair is more fragile than straight and what is curlier than AA hair, so it is really delicate. The cutest styles I've seen in AA hair are usually the wash and go hair style, when they keep it moisturized properly it seems to curl so nice. Kinda like Robin Roberts hair on Good Morning America!lol If people just left their hair alone it would grow healthy.I think you really are just supposed to go with your hairs natural texture. I'm suprised I still have hair from all the crap I did to it when I was younger, nothing ever helped it grow until I went natural. It used to never get much below SL now I'm pushing waist and it is so much cheaper now than it was.

[Pegasus Marsters]

Maybe they don't actually want long healthy hair?

[PhillyGirl1978@]

Maybe they don't actually want long healthy hair?

Well they certainly seem to. I mean a lot of the weaves I see are the same, long shiny looking hair. There is a woman I know you always wears wigs or weaves and then tell me it's cause she doesn't have "good hair".

[Vermelha]

Maybe they don't actually want long healthy hair?

That's an option too. But many believe they can't have long hair, so they don't aim to achieve it. But then, they may be the same woman that rolls her eyes at a woman with long hair...ironic.

Oh yeah, and they think, since black/Afro hair is "durable," that they can wear weaves and braids for 6+ months because "their hair was made to do that." It's a matter of convenience for most people, but I could see plenty who don't want long hair.

Yet, I couldn't imagine one gaining a confidence boost from wearing hair that isn't hers, when other women are swinging their all natural long locks.

[Vermelha]

I know...AA hair is the most fragile. Straight hair is the strongest most durable. I think Lorraine Massey says that every point where your hair goes to form another curl is a weak spot where it could break. So curly hair is more fragile than straight and what is curlier than AA hair, so it is really delicate. The cutest styles I've seen in AA hair are usually the wash and go hair style, when they keep it moisturized properly it seems to curl so nice. Kinda like Robin Roberts hair on Good Morning America!lol If people just left their hair alone it would grow healthy.I think you really are just supposed to go with your hairs natural texture. I'm suprised I still have hair from all the crap I did to it when I was younger, nothing ever helped it grow until I went natural. It used to never get much below SL now I'm pushing waist and it is so much cheaper now than it was.

Oooh! Her hair is pretty! And I used to wear the wash and go style, but it would usually end up in a detangling nightmare. I wear my hair more in updos and braids now until it gets significantly longer...

And you're so right. People should just learn to leave it alone. And I agree that hair is really to be left in its natural texture (at the most, blowdried and flat ironed if it's direly necessary). You remind me of myself: I could neved get past SL with all the crap I did.

BTW: This is starting to become a good thread :D

[SHELIAANN1969]

Maybe they don't actually want long healthy hair?


I had to laugh at that one!

The horror, the horror! shudder:

[JamieLeigh]

People tend to listen to the ones who are talking the loudest and have the most sheep, er, I mean followers - and sometimes the short-hair advocates are the ones who are the loudest. :(

[Poetic]

I think it is because the use of oil/grease does loosen the hold of the braid somewhat, so that it is not so tight. Another thing is that some who get microbraids use grease with sulfur in it, which help some people's hair grow. My problem with micro braids is the small amount of natural hair use.

In the case of braids one is likely to get hair added (the more natural hair one has, the more likely the addition of extra hair) because it lessen the strain on one's natural hair, makes the occurence of damage less likely. The weight of braid hair to make the style in instances of micro braids concerns me because one is using but of few strands of natural hair. It would be far healthier to have medium size braids, as the weight of the braid hair is less likely to cause damage.

[PhillyGirl1978@]

Oooh! Her hair is pretty! And I used to wear the wash and go style, but it would usually end up in a detangling nightmare. I wear my hair more in updos and braids now until it gets significantly longer...

And you're so right. People should just learn to leave it alone. And I agree that hair is really to be left in its natural texture (at the most, blowdried and flat ironed if it's direly necessary). You remind me of myself: I could neved get past SL with all the crap I did.

BTW: This is starting to become a good thread :D

I think were all just born how we're supposed to be...I mean look at pale people....they are meant to be pale...it's a wonderful skin-tone....then they start thinking they have to tan...and we all know what happens then!lol Sometimes you just try to teach others the lessons it took you years to learn. I mean if there were another little girl who suffered endlessly trying to make her hair do something it was never meant to do, and I could maybe hip her mom to some info, it might save her a lot of heart ache!I was that little girl and I know how a lot of women feel about long hair (they want it) I mean why else would they sow in long hair weaves. And really, regardless of if it's long or short they do want it to be healthy. I see a lot of women with terrible receding hair and I know it's from what they do to it. Can you imaging losing your hair, especially as a woman...and what that would do to your confidence?

[Vermelha]

I think were all just born how we're supposed to be...I mean look at pale people....they are meant to be pale...it's a wonderful skin-tone....then they start thinking they have to tan...and we all know what happens then!lol Sometimes you just try to teach others the lessons it took you years to learn. I mean if there were another little girl who suffered endlessly trying to make her hair do something it was never meant to do, and I could maybe hip her mom to some info, it might save her a lot of heart ache!I was that little girl and I know how a lot of women feel about long hair (they want it) I mean why else would they sow in long hair weaves. And really, regardless of if it's long or short they do want it to be healthy. I see a lot of women with terrible receding hair and I know it's from what they do to it. Can you imaging losing your hair, especially as a woman...and what that would do to your confidence?


So, so true! It's all denial for most people. They say they don't naturally have it because they don't want it, but they're somehow addicted to long weaves. They know they love long hair down their backs, yet they can't admit it.

And most people, unfortunately for some, want what they've never had. So I could see why people with short, damaged hair, reach for the weaves—it's to cover up what they're lacking when the real remedy is that they need to join LHC and learn a thing or two. ;)

But it's hard to give advice to some. It's not that they don't want our help, but I honestly think it's the embarrassment knowing that one doesn't know how to care for hair that's their own. It's like "How Do I Look?" when the contestants get all sensitive about their wardrobe. I know a lot of long-haired people don't really boast their advice alot, but maybe that's what some people need—someone to tell them. Of course, they're going to lash out, but they'll come around soon...I've got my mom begging for my Coconut Oil now. I thought I'd never see the day, you know?

[PhillyGirl1978@]

Yeah. See...I don't have anyone else in my family with curly hair so they all think they can't take my advice because my curly hair can take more. I try to say that my curly hair is drier and more fragille. But honestly in my white family most of the girls here have never had an issue getting their hair long when they wanted it, though not many of them have it now. As far as any of my black friends they just assume I have no idea what I'm talking about cause I'm biracial and therefore have different hair than them. It's actually kinda funny, when you think about it!lol

[Vermelha]

Yeah. See...I don't have anyone else in my family with curly hair so they all think they can't take my advice because my curly hair can take more. I try to say that my curly hair is drier and more fragille. But honestly in my white family most of the girls here have never had an issue getting their hair long when they wanted it, though not many of them have it now. As far as any of my black friends they just assume I have no idea what I'm talking about cause I'm biracial and therefore have different hair than them. It's actually kinda funny, when you think about it!lol

OMG, that so reminds me of that lady saying that I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to black hair. I just wanted to tell her that IT'S JUST HAIR. Gosh!

Oh, wait, wait! Ask someone what products they use and then ask them what it does for their hair. I'm almost willing to bet that they'll be stumped ;). Like, they'll say something dumb like, "Grease moisturizes the hair..." or "Perms help the hair grow..."

[PhillyGirl1978@]

OMG, that so reminds me of that lady saying that I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to black hair. I just wanted to tell her that IT'S JUST HAIR. Gosh!

Oh, wait, wait! Ask someone what products they use and then ask them what it does for their hair. I'm almost willing to bet that they'll be stumped ;). Like, they'll say something dumb like, "Grease moisturizes the hair..." or "Perms help the hair grow..."


It's like the same reaction I got from my family when I told them was starting the CO routine and was no longer shampooing my hair. They all made a face like it was dirty or something and a bad idea, until I revealed that it had already been a week and I wasn't greasy....they were shocked. People are so hardwired to believe what they have already been told for so long that they fail to notice if it actually works or not. I thought I needed to shampoo daily or almost daily or I would have greasy dirty hair....and I did until I stopped washing. I started just scrubbing with conditioner and my scalp regulated, stopped over producing oil and my hair isn't greasy. So if women are told "trim to make it grow, or braiding it tight will help it get longer, grease will moisturize" I guess they would really need something drastic to show them that lots of the stuff they have been told forever is completely wrong and most of the reason they have problems gaining length.