Asking on behalf of a friend: How do we salvage his hair?

[Kaileida]

My friend is in his late 20s and has waist-length (sort of) dark brown hair. It used to be really gorgeous, but he neglected it for years and treated it really miserably. T_T
It's... bad. There's ponytail breakage at every end, most of it is maybe ten inches long, but the length of his hair still goes down his back. He's attached to it (I would be too!) but understands that if he ever hopes to have nice-looking hair it needs to get the chop.
Is there any way to salvage the hair? If not, how can we cut it so it looks decent while it grows out? I would prefer to just buzz it all off but I don't think he's ready for that.

(In the meantime, I'm stealing all his hair ties so he can't knot it while it's wet. Muahaha! :pumpkin:)

[longhairedfairy]

I would do small trims, clip individual splits whenever you see them to prevent further breakage (I know this could take a long time, but it pays off - carrying small scissors wherever he goes helps), and use lots of moisture. Oiling the length will help protect it.

[Kaileida]

It's way beyond the scope of that! (I think, anyway.) I would take a picture of his hair if I could, but the top part is thick and wiry and just destroyed while the length is ok but way thin... like a half-inch wide when it's wet. Any oil in particular you recommend? (I've never actually oiled my own hair, do you just kind of... go at it?) Another issue I forgot to mention is that he doesn't have a shower! We wash his hair in the sink. :D Harder to take care of it, though.

[akurah]

Teach him how to braid, and get him to wear it in a braid as much as possible. Don't let him wear it down or in a ponytail.

I wouldn't buzzcut, personally, considering how long it'll take to regain the length. Just don't let him use hair-unfriendly ties, teach him not to rip the comb/brush through his hair, and probably introduce him to coconut oil.

[Roseate]

If he's ready for a chop, maybe go to shoulder length, not buzzcut- that way he can still put it up, and not have to deal with the pain of some of the shorter growing-out stages.

But make sure he's on board for taking decent care of it in the future, or the chop will be wasted effort.

Nightshade's damage article (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=79)is required reading for anyone wanting to learn how to baby damaged hair, and that has links to information about oiling, deep treatments, all that stuff. Plus fun scary pictures of damaged hair under a microscope!

[melikai]

My boyfriend had pretty damaged long hair before I "intervened". :p I spent literally hours doing as much S&D as I could, started teaching him simple techniques like CWC and proper combing (which he still isn't always careful of, but what can you do?). We finally chopped about 3 inches off,which greatly improved his hair. I guess it depends on if those 10" of ponytail breakage are unsalvageable? If some S&D can make those passable, then maybe he can get away with a less drastic chop.

[Natalia]

If he can take a somewhat drastic change i would suggest cutting his hair to within a few inches of the bulk of his length that way he wont always have such a huge taper of damaged ends but wont have to cut dramatically short. If he isnt ready for that i would go for at least half inch trims every month or every other month to help start getting rid of the worst of it.

The base of good hair is good habits though so id say either get him to join *poke-poke* ;) or teach him the basics. No ripping through wet hair. Ditch the brush for a comb if he can (just a preferance really but if he isnt careful a comb can help minimize the damage), get hair friendly ties and toys, try different oils (coconut, olive, almond, grapeseed, and jojoba are good starters), do deep treatments even if its only leaving conditioner on for half an hour, and with the state of his hair get a leave in! He also might want to consider vinager rinses if we doesnt want to get into cones.


Another issue I forgot to mention is that he doesn't have a shower! We wash his hair in the sink. :D Harder to take care of it, though.

And i have to ask he doesnt have a tub and a bucket? Thats alot easier on you and your hair that getting caught in a sink drain..... thats all im saying lol. If he uses natural biodegradable things he can bucket wash outside if there is no tub.

Hope he finds a good way to make peace with his hair :) good luck! And he is lucky to have such a good friend :grouphug:

[Elettaria]

Would you be able to cut his hair yourself? Cutting a bit at a time is a good way of finding a balance. Whenever I've cut off more than usual, say a few inches, I've always been pleasantly surprised at the new ends. Try 4" to start with and see how he gets on. Alternatively, find a hairdresser who doesn't charge much. The good thing about having tapered, thinner ends is that it's easier to cut without mistakes showing. I went from 45" to 30" recently in stages. At first I cut it myself, and to begin with it looked absolutely fine. After a while you could tell that it was uneven, I was cutting about 1" more on one side than the other due to pulling it round to the front, so at that point I called in a hairdresser and had two trims over the course of a month.

Brushes with wooden quills are good if he's fond of brushes. I use the Kent Woodyhog myself, and have heard good things about a Body Shop version. It's sort of a hybrid between a brush and a wooden comb: you get the convenience of a brush, but it's much better for your hair, more like a comb.

[Kaileida]

I can definitely cut his hair! It is gonna take a really long time because nearly all the hair is damaged and he won't want me to cut more than absolutely necessary.


I spent literally hours doing as much S&D as I could, started teaching him simple techniques like CWC and proper combing (which he still isn't always careful of, but what can you do?).
Oh, he does this too >_<. Just rips through his hair with wild abandon. It really makes me cringe, and I'm not even too nice to my own hair. Working on it though!


And i have to ask he doesnt have a tub and a bucket? Thats alot easier on you and your hair that getting caught in a sink drain..... thats all im saying lol. If he uses natural biodegradable things he can bucket wash outside if there is no tub.
He does have a tub, but no bucket. I only really prefer the sink because of the sprayer; it gets the shampoo/conditioner out much faster!

Thanks everyone for the advice; we'll do our best to follow it!

[Natalia]

He does have a tub, but no bucket. I only really prefer the sink because of the sprayer; it gets the shampoo/conditioner out much faster!

Ohhhh i get it now! I live in a very old house and we arent fitted for sprayers so i was picturing a little bathroom sink like ours, 6 inches deep maybe 14 wide with a plain spout not much arch. I cant even rinse the last 10 inches of my hair in that lol. If he decides to rinse in the bath a big 8 cup plasting measure is awesome! I keep one in the shower for vinager rinses :). But yeah a sink with a sprayer muuuuch better that i was picturing :p

[Anje]

I had quite a bit of ponytail breakage when I showed up here, though not as much as you're talking about. What I ended up doing was swearing off any style that started with securing the hair in a ponytail, for more than a year. Anything starting with a pony is still absolutely rare for me, even now, and my hair is better for it.

You probably need to give it a trim of a few inches, and start S&Ding the rest of the splits, which will take multiple sessions. He'll need good hair scissors, and make sure he understands that he does not trim hair with anything else, and that he does not use the scissors on anything but hair. (Sorry -- I know guys who might be talked into S&D only to be using pocket knife scissors or the like!) Try washing with CO or CWC. He might want to consider a gym membership partly so he can shower and wash his hair without help.

Braids that are not secured on top might be hard at first, but it seems like the best bet. A bit of oil on the length will help it to stay neat and might encourage him to braid it rather than leave the oiliness showing. He could do a different sort of braid like a rope or herringbone if he thinks normal braids look too feminine. Buns that don't start from a secured ponytail are also good, if you can talk him into it.

[Poetic]

I know this may sound weird, so please do not shoot me. But as the damaged areas are about 10' long, has he ever considered doing layers throughout? This would get rid of the damage, making it easier to care for . . . making it easier for the hair to grow back in a healthy state. To hide the layered style, he could simply braid it or knot it until the hair reaches a desirable length.:rolleyes:

[Elettaria]

I thought that layers were meant to be really bad for braiding? Also I think they're more associated with women's hairstyles. Interesting idea, though.

[Poetic]

I thought that layers were meant to be really bad for braiding? Also I think they're more associated with women's hairstyles. Interesting idea, though.

They are associated with women's hairstyles. But they would allow him to get rid of the damage, yet hold on to length. If he tucks his hair away until it grows, it might not be an issue.

[teela1978]

I'd reccomend leaving the poor guy be, unless he's really asking for help. Maybe buy him some hair elastics that are more hair-safe, as it sounds like he's recently started having damage from them.

[Speckla]

Protein, moisture, and trimming the ends should greatly improve his hair.

[ilovelonghair]

I had the same problem, I solved it with micro-trims and cutting out split ends, in that way I kept my hair waist length and looking healthier. I'm still growing out damage, but at least it looks healthy.

[Periwinkle]

Layers *are* bad for braiding. Been there, done that, got the angst of growing them out.

If he's serious about saving it, I would suggest starting with getting him a good comb and teaching him how to use it well. Cutting a little bit can make a lot of difference - it's probably all those thick ends. Maybe two or three inches to start (it's hard to know without a picture). Oiling, too - enough to make the palms of your hands shiny and then just stroke them over the hair, wet or dry as you prefer. You can also put more on (so that the hair appears wet) and leave it for a while for more intensive oiling.

Braiding is probably a good way for him to wear it as it'll protect it and if you oil it beforehand, it'll keep it sleek (meaning that less breakage will show) and let the oil soak in.

[Razorgrin]

...id say either get him to join...

Um...hi! ::waves::

[Isilme]

my bf has severly damaged hair, and he'd like to keep his hair too. No matter how much I trim, leave in, oil, S&D can help his hair because he's not careful with it every day. So let my bf be an inspiration on what NOT to do;) He wears it in a ponytail every day when I can't braid it for him and detangles it roughly, and when he sees a movie (like relax time) he shuffles down against the sofa or chair so his hair gets all tangled and gets friction damage :scared:
When he wears a packpack or some sort of bag the hair always gets caught under the straps.
So, don't do as my bf, let your friend know that it's important to take daily care of the hair in all the little things. Because if you don't do all those small things none of the major helps are going to make a difference.

[Pierre]

Welcome Razorgrin! Here are some techniques that have helped me:

I sleep every night with my hair in a Buff. Often I put whatever updo I have in the Buff.
I detangle in the shower and snip any tangles that are within 1-2 cm of all ends. Without a shower, you could try a mermaid soak, then sit up, comb slowly, and when the comb stops, pull the tangle apart, and if necessary, snip.
Updos with the ends hanging allow me to enjoy my soft ends without damaging them.
Dutch braids protect the short hairs as they grow and can keep several days.
I oil with jojoba.

[Fiferstone]

Hey Razorgrin!

I'm guilty of the default ponytail too much of the time myself, and I thought my ultimate achievable length was somewhere short of waist. I'm now passing waist and working my way toward tailbone.

Definitely look for Ursula's standard newbie advice on testing out changes to the hair care routine, and I'd recommend starting with the condition-wash-condition method using whatever you're currently happy with now, to start. Definitely start using conditioner if you haven't been. It'll help ease out tangles in wet hair.

Also read Nightshade's article on the care and feeding of damaged hair. She's been there, the pictures prove it.

Listen to your SO when she tries to teach you about caring for your hair gently. The hardest thing for me to do was to NOT rip a comb through my soaking wet hair. Whenever you feel a resistance, back off, and start picking (gently) at the base of the tangle, work it free gradually. Do not pull through tangles. Ever.

I've got my DH changing his bad habits, slowly. He likes Garnier Nutrisse on his wavy locks. He's in a ponytail about 100&#37; of the time, but he's now trying CWC, he's got some terrible breakage but I'm trying to preserve as much of his length as possible, and I'm trimming off the bad breakage slowly. Good luck recovering the health of your hair, the community is very helpful and supportive.

[Razorgrin]

::nods:: All very good advice. Now I just need to take it all to heart! Kaileida and I don't live together - or even very close by - and so I sometimes forget. (Okay, I have the memory of a goldfish.)

Living in Colorado means I'm living in fairly dry air, which cuts down on frizz but is probably terrifically bad for the hair itself. It's been oiled now and again, which always seems to help a good deal. I'll have to invest in some oil and start doing it myself.