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ChloeDharma
April 13th, 2008, 04:40 AM
I'm having to stay at my dads place for a few days, well, hopefully it's only a few days. But anyway....
Yesterday evening i went to the local supermarket and bumped into a girl i used to know in there. We got chatting about stuff and hair came up......y'know, as it does ;) and i mentioned the length i'm at now and she goes "what....in that tiny little bun??!!"
Now she wasn't being deliberately rude or bitchy but i felt so embarassed....i'm a bit conscious of how small my bun is for the length of my hair....it's thin with fairytale ends you see.
I mumbled about being ill and loosing lots of hair last year but after i went off to carry on shopping i found myself getting those "hmmnnn maybe i should cut it shorter" thoughts again. I don't plan to, but i can't help wondering if i should.

Anyway, i figured i'd have a bit of a moan here :p

kimki
April 13th, 2008, 04:53 AM
Aww hun :grouphug: I sympathise, I know my hair is short but I recon my bun is always going to be teensy. Your hair looks so pretty though, and it doesnt look thin. SO you better not cut!! :D

Nat242
April 13th, 2008, 04:53 AM
:grouphug: Your hair is lovely! Push those thoughts away. I'm sorry your friend made a comment that hurt you, but never mind! If your hair is in good condition, the thickness will come in time, as your hair recovers from your illness.

Hang in there!!

--Natalie

frizzinator
April 13th, 2008, 04:57 AM
The best things come in small packages.

Not that I'm suggesting this, but the same kind of response will be worded differently when you take out the toy and let your hair fall down .....their jaw will drop and they will say "wow, your hair is so long!".

So don't let your mind trick you based on something someone said.

DecafJane
April 13th, 2008, 04:59 AM
Some people need to learn when to keep their mouths closed! Don't listen to those voices - your hair is lovely. :)

levelek
April 13th, 2008, 05:12 AM
I'm sorry that comment made you feel bad! I'm sure it was just made in ignorance though. People just aren't familiar with the way long hair behaves and looks, especially in updos. She probably thinks that Amy Winehouse's beehive is all natural, and that's the kind of mass in which longer hair results.

ChloeDharma
April 13th, 2008, 05:36 AM
Awww bless you all! :smooch:

Yes i won't be cutting.....it just gets irritating that i always seem to be waiting for something....when i joined i was growing out frizzy chemically damaged hair but it was thicker. Now most of my hair is virgin i'm waiting for my thickness to grow back.

This girl has REALLY thick hair.....so i'm guessing she was mainly going by how hers would look at that length.

Alley Cat
April 13th, 2008, 05:48 AM
I am sorry your friend was so insensitive. Words can hurt can't they? . :grouphug:
Enjoy your virgin hair ChloeDharma it's very lovely :flowers:

eadwine
April 13th, 2008, 06:06 AM
I am so sorry to hear that.. words can unintentionally hurt quite a bit! *big hugs*

n3m3sis42
April 13th, 2008, 06:13 AM
I'm having to stay at my dads place for a few days, well, hopefully it's only a few days. But anyway....
Yesterday evening i went to the local supermarket and bumped into a girl i used to know in there. We got chatting about stuff and hair came up......y'know, as it does ;) and i mentioned the length i'm at now and she goes "what....in that tiny little bun??!!"


Oh, no... I feel your pain.

Well, my hair is not as long as yours, but it's close to waist and my bun is still tiny. I don't have fairytale ends, but it's always been on the thin side and I think it's thinned a bit more recently due to stress.

This is one reason I love the sock bun.

willowcandra
April 13th, 2008, 07:06 AM
aw chloe I only have a teeny little bun for my length too. Bra strap downwards is really frail on me so the bulk of my bun is the first twist or two and the rest sort of slides under as it's so teeny...it used to be bigger..:( Always surprises people when I let it down.

Ms Monnie
April 13th, 2008, 07:13 AM
I've had similar exchanges before. It makes me want to go:hatchet:. First I have to deal with being unwell and losing my hair, and now I have to deal with you being an untactful meany! At least I can grow my hair to this fabulous length. *flick*

Insecure as I am, I've begun to poof my bun out a bit and checking the size in a hand mirror in order to avoid such comments. :o

cindy58
April 13th, 2008, 07:16 AM
Just like braids, often the size of the bun is determined by how tight or loose you make it. Though the looser buns are sometimes harder to secure. Maybe you can play with it a bit?

Patrycja
April 13th, 2008, 07:25 AM
:grouphug: words can be vicious but remember-they're just words ;)

Lamb
April 13th, 2008, 07:47 AM
The inconsiderate remarks that people can make, without any malice or mockery, really surprise me sometimes.
Take no heed, I say. Your hair is beautiful regardless of what a friend says.

Chrissy
April 13th, 2008, 07:48 AM
Someone mentioned the sock bun. When my hair was longer I wore that one. I have very fine hair and it did make a nice bun doing it in a sock bun. Give it a go!!! You do have very pretty hair I must say.

ChloeDharma
April 13th, 2008, 08:07 AM
Awww thankyou again all of you who replied. I admit the hair i have i mostly really like now....just want a bit more of it! lol
This sock bun sounds interesting, i must look up how to do it.....i'm really lazy with hairstyles so i nearly always have it in a simple bun held with a scrunchie.

Willowcandra....what you desribed sounds almost exactly like my hair....but i remember from the meet yours looks so impressive and anything but thin!
The same goes for you Ms Monnie. And yes, being ill is bad enough without the added kick in the guts of loosing hair!

I sometimes do super loose braids....well one braid, 2 just looks stupid on me....they still look very thin given from the middle of my back down my hair goes microbraid thickness.....but they unravel quite quick when i do that.

Thankyou again everyone who posted on your really kind supportive comments! :grouphug: :smooch:

Silver & Gold
April 13th, 2008, 08:10 AM
I've seen some people here and IRL that have such compact hair by type that I'm amazed at how tiny their updos are compared to how long their hair is down. And I don't find their hair to look thin or ratty down.

I can't tell you how many thoughtless comments have come my way over the years. Some comments were just careless and others downright mean spirited. But if I took action on all of them I would drive myself crazy.

Don't let silly comments like these rock your boat. If you are happy with your hair then wear it the way you like.

ChloeDharma
April 13th, 2008, 08:20 AM
If you are happy with your hair then wear it the way you like.

Yeah, see, that's the problem.....it's something i'm already very self conscious about....my hair down really does look very thin....i keep telling myself that the upside from the hairloss is that as it grows back (i have to presume it will!) i already have my ideal fairytale hem :)

But yes, you are right and normally i have quite thick skin.

Silver & Gold
April 13th, 2008, 08:36 AM
Yeah, see, that's the problem.....it's something i'm already very self conscious about....my hair down really does look very thin....i keep telling myself that the upside from the hairloss is that as it grows back (i have to presume it will!) i already have my ideal fairytale hem :)

But yes, you are right and normally i have quite thick skin.

Ah yes. When a comment hits on a sensitive spot it's always much worse.

OK, then listen up. I was overweight for most of my 30's. I lost weight and actually was a bit on the small side (5'7" - size 4/6) for a time until I let my weight creep up a bit because it was difficult to maintain that size and because I didn't think I looked as good that thin anyway. As soon as I let myself go up to a size 8 a director I was working with at the time called me a "big girl" when referring to my size. (The other woman in the show was 5'2" and probably a size 0/2.) Comparatively I was a "big girl". How could the director know that I was sensitive about weight? But what I heard was "fat girl". But if I listened to my crazy, insecure voice I would probably have gone nuts on trying to lose weight again when there is absolutely nothing wrong with my present size.

If you're trying to grin and bear it through a difficult hair phase then you will have to talk yourself through moments like these until your hair begins to fill in more. My hair isn't particularly thin but it is more damaged than I would like considering the present length but I know that my preference is to baby it and grow it rather than cut it all off. It sounds as if you and I have to turn to the same solution . . . lots of updos until hair improves.

BTW, I checked out your page and I love your haircolor! I bet you turn heads when you walk into a room.

ChloeDharma
April 13th, 2008, 08:56 AM
Yes, it's scary how some simple comment can become magnified in our heads. FWIW i think you and your hair look amazing.....and though keeping hair up is better for it, you definately shouldn't think you can't let it down based on how it looks!

Thankyou for the haircolour compliment, i must admit i do tend to get complimented on that.....not really now because i've not bothered to henna since the pic on my profile was taken.....and in that picture my colour had started to fade....just to give you an idea of how bright it gets! lol
As soon as i can move back into my place i'll definately re-henna....that should cheer me up :)

Shell
April 13th, 2008, 08:59 AM
I always tell people I have tight buns! My hair is classic, but it compacts quite a lot when I wear it up. People are stunned when they see it down, after only seeing it in buns, they have no idea it's so long.

I have also been experimenting with other styles and toys, an I have found new ways to show off the true length when it's up. But I do really enjoy the look on people's faces when I pull it down!

So, go for the "shock factor!" Don't apologize! You have lovely hair.

Leisha
April 13th, 2008, 09:03 AM
Ack such a comment can make you feel bad even if it was not meant in a bad way.

I have to say, it's so hard to guess how "thick" someone's hair is by looking at their buns...
Some hair is just more "squishable" or compactable and also some people make a tighter bun and some make a looser one.

I have had that comment too: when taking down my hair people would say "wow is your hair that long, I would NEVER have thought that when it was up in a bun" and things like that.

Especially people who aren't such long hair "experts" (;)) like us here at TLHC, I mean who don't pay attention to hair as much, probably have no idea where to even start guessing about length when they see a bun.

birthmarkie
April 13th, 2008, 09:18 AM
Your hair is so beautiful. Obviously it is very long, too, to solicit such a comment. Think about it this way: this person may not have even meant that your bun is small compared to any other bun, just that long hair coiled up in general is going to look small relative to how much hair a person truly has. Maybe you inspired this person to realize that just because you have long hair, it doesn't mean you always have to have hair everywhere. It can be kept tidy and compact and still look nice, as I'm sure your hair did. :flowers:

spidermom
April 13th, 2008, 09:26 AM
I'm glad you're feeling better already. I'm not sure anybody could say anything to me about my hair that would hurt my feelings because I'm not sensitive about it. But let somebody say something about my weight and the tears start pushing.

(ETA: That's not true. One morning I thought my hair looked so pretty and curly and then my DD showed up and said "Your hair looks so frizzy today." I felt awful and gelled it up and back into a twist.)

n3m3sis42
April 13th, 2008, 09:36 AM
This sock bun sounds interesting, i must look up how to do it.....i'm really lazy with hairstyles so i nearly always have it in a simple bun held with a scrunchie.

Trust me, it's pretty easy. I am hairstyle-impaired, and I just learned it within the past couple of weeks.

This is the site I looked at to figure out how to do it:
http://www.instructables.com/id/SMLBK4RFBGW87JK/

If you try it, let us know how it works. I am in love with this style because it's easy and makes my bun look less sad and lonely.

Sillage
April 13th, 2008, 09:57 AM
Buns can be so deceptive. At work I almost always wear my hair up. When ever I wear it down, I always have people telling me "wow I had no idea your hair was so long!" I don't think it's because my bun looks skimpy... it's more of the visual contrast between a neat, close to the head updo and voluminous loose hair.

A lot of people don't have any experience with long hair so they don't know how much it can be compacted. I guess it can be surprising to some people. :shrug:

kate46
April 13th, 2008, 12:51 PM
Chloe it is beautiful hair like yours that gives me the inspiration and encouragement to continue to grow out my fine/thin hair. :flower:

ChloeDharma
April 13th, 2008, 01:35 PM
Chloe it is beautiful hair like yours that gives me the inspiration and encouragement to continue to grow out my fine/thin hair. :flower:

Seriously??? Mine??? If you was here as i read that you would have seen me go something like :agape: Thankyou hun....that's such a lovely thing to say! :smooch:

n3m3sis42 Thanks for that link....i've saved it to favourites and will definately give it a go :)

Thankyou again all of you who posted, in between thinking "give it up and chop it off girl!" as i walked around the supermarket, i was also thinking....."i just want to get back and post on LHC!" i knew that i could rely on you beautiful people for a dose of positivity.....HUGE hug to all of you!! :grouphug: :smooch:

I've decided, i'm not bothered. I did actually get a nice compliment from a friend who stayed last weekend....he's stayed over before and briefly saw my hair down after i'd washed it but i was kind of hiding it a bit.....last time he stayed he asked if he could see it down so i gave in and let him....of course i had to give a long speach about how i know it's thin blah blah.....but he was really complimentary about it, saying he could see what i meant by it being thinner but that it didn't detract from looking nice and that the length made up for that etc......i bear in mind he's a man, and "likes" me, but still.....i'll try to focus on that compliment for the time being and just patiently wait for my hair to thicken up again :)

cuddledumplin
April 13th, 2008, 06:19 PM
She probably just said that to make herself feel better. You're gorgeous, and don't let yourself think any differently.

jojo
April 13th, 2008, 08:49 PM
you and your hair is beautiful, sometimes people say stuff which upsets us even if unintentially because they feel unhappy about a part of themselves. Id gladly swap your locks for mine any day, as im sure would many others on here.

willowcandra
April 14th, 2008, 01:20 AM
Awww thankyou again all of you who replied. I admit the hair i have i mostly really like now....just want a bit more of it! lol
This sock bun sounds interesting, i must look up how to do it.....i'm really lazy with hairstyles so i nearly always have it in a simple bun held with a scrunchie.

Willowcandra....what you desribed sounds almost exactly like my hair....but i remember from the meet yours looks so impressive and anything but thin!
The same goes for you Ms Monnie. And yes, being ill is bad enough without the added kick in the guts of loosing hair!

I sometimes do super loose braids....well one braid, 2 just looks stupid on me....they still look very thin given from the middle of my back down my hair goes microbraid thickness.....but they unravel quite quick when i do that.

Thankyou again everyone who posted on your really kind supportive comments! :grouphug: :smooch:

oh thanks. But I carried on shedding for just over a year after that meet. It doesn't look so bad but it does twist up thin. the end of my braid is thinner than my pinky finger.
btw chines knot buns look bigger.

tiny_teesha
April 14th, 2008, 02:16 AM
Some people (like me) like fariytale endings and thinnes of hair show that. I think it is romantic!

My buns too are small. The only reason why i hate the thinness of my hair is that i KNOW it can be better and i killed it and it does not look healthy. It looks fried. Otherwise if it were healthy i'd love it. Plus i think fairytale endings look best past waist and i just reached it so yay!
You have the most gorgeous red locks! Truely!

Gaelic Girl
April 14th, 2008, 02:34 AM
ChloeDharma, I just had a look at your profile pic, and mademoiselle...you are truly breathtaking! You look about 18, not 30 and are very exotic looking indeed.

Now...that aside .... long hair is so rare IRL these days that people gawk and cannot quite visualise classic length hair. No doubt they expect a bun the size of Gibraltar. She most likely just couldn't picture it, especially as she last saw you with shorter hair, right?

It's a grand thing that you're trimming off damage, as it will thank you for it..Never fear. People never think my hair is as long as it is because it sproings up so darn much. My hair is thick, but much of it is air...seriously Besides, that causse its own problems. I almost always have to order custom sticks, at least 7.5" long and 1 or 1.5" wide...expensive and no airline will let me board!

Chin up, CD .... your hair is lovely and so are you.
Blessings,
Gaelic Girl

Calista
April 14th, 2008, 02:56 AM
Look at Madeleine... I met her in real life, and she is one of the most beautiful and most perfectly turned out women I have ever met, and she has a small bun, too. It just fits, it looks perfect that way.

I donīt think hair is more beautiful the thicker it is. :twocents:

meichigo
April 14th, 2008, 03:02 AM
I kinda know what you mean. While I don't really bun my hair ever, before I got a trim at the beginning of the year my ends were extremely wispy. After the trim though, the edges were nice and blunt; my hemline looked a lot thicker and on the rare occasions that I've braided, the taper was a lot less extreme. So I may go against popular opinion and be in favor of trimming a little bit to plump up that hemline.

eresh
April 14th, 2008, 07:42 AM
Aaaargh sounds familiar...
I always get that comment!
How do you put all that length into that tiny bun :confused:
I wrap it tight so it doesn't go woosh in the middle of the day...
I don't have thick hair, so it doesn't take up much mass.
I have fairytale ends and that suits me and my hair.
I'm proud of my hair, yes, but that remark just isn't one that makes me happy ;-)

But mostly I think people making that comment don't mean it in a way of "oooh look how THIN your hair is!!"
I think they mean "Wow, with your length how DO you manage to get it up so neatly into a bun"
:-)

pariate
April 14th, 2008, 09:51 AM
Awww, sweetie! I know how you feel - when my hair's bunned it looks teeny tiny :lol: I hope you don't feel blue about what she said. She clearly knows little about we longhairs ;)

I suggest you spend a few minutes quietly admiring your long flowing locks tonight, just to remind yourself how wonderful your hair is. :agree:

Urchin
April 14th, 2008, 10:58 AM
For all the emphasis that is put on thick hair, thin hair has its own appeal.

ChloeDharma, I think you really make thin hair work. With your color and your skin tone, you look like something ethereal and other-worldly. It looks great. I have a friend whose braid starts at a small medium, then tapers quickly to this teeny tendril all the way down to her tailbone. It's very cool. Different hairtypes all have appeal, just different appeal!

MemSahib
April 14th, 2008, 11:10 AM
I have had people to be highly surprised at my length, too. Fine hair compresses down to nothing and those not accustomed to it cannot believe how long it can be and how small it goes down. ChloeDharma, do take this with a grain of salt. She just didn't know and unfortunately spoke before she thought.

ChloeDharma
April 15th, 2008, 12:57 PM
Awwww thankyou so much for those lovely comments.....yes, i think i'm fairly over it now, ish.....i was down already because of having to stay at my dads which is not a pleasant place at the best of times......and i had planned on giving my hair a nice treatment then his hot water ran out and i couldn't top his gas up because he had taken his card with him when he went away.....so no heating either!

But i'm home now, and will carry on pampering my hair and making the most of the positive things about thin hair until it's grown back in a bit :)

Big hug to all of you!! :grouphug: :smooch: