PDA

View Full Version : Compliments?



lines-wine
July 6th, 2009, 07:28 AM
Hi all, I usually lurk as my hair is longer than most guys, but nothing to write home about, somewhere above APL, currently.
One day I'll get round to measuring its' current length, honest...

Anyway, onto the question - Is it thee 'right' thing to do if I see a lady with long hair & I tell her how good she looks?
I used to, but having read some of the stuff here - http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=26513 - I'm not sure I will any longer, after all it is not my intention to creep anyone out.
Any comments/suggestions gratefully received.

Tap Dancer
July 6th, 2009, 07:31 AM
The right thing to do? I don't think anyone can say yes or no to that. Some people like genuine compliments and other people shy away from them. Do you feel comfortable walking up to a stranger and telling them that they have lovely hair? If so, try it.

desertgirl
July 6th, 2009, 07:45 AM
I take compliments!

The only thing I have found difficult to respond to is someone commenting, "oh, you have long hair." Is it a compliment? Is it an observation only? or Is it an insult? (there are haters out there.)

lines-wine
July 6th, 2009, 08:51 AM
Do you feel comfortable walking up to a stranger and telling them that they have lovely hair? If so, try it.

I do & have done in the past- usually somerthing to the effect of "your hair is beautiful"...not a protracted thing, merely a simple compliment/encouragement.
It usually is answered with a smile, but I wondered if the smile was merely for "public consumption" & that I'd actually upset them.
As you say, all people are different.

Les
July 6th, 2009, 08:57 AM
I don't compliment other folks hair as much as I wish I did. Like others said before me, some people appreciate the compliments, but others can react strangely to a benign compliment. What I've found works best for me is the "hit and run" compliment. As I'm walking by (without slowing down), I'll turn to them and say something like "you have wonderful hair". I don't hang around or do anything else that may make them uncomfortable - just continue on my way.

AmyJorgensen
July 6th, 2009, 09:23 AM
You could always say, "Your hair looks very healthy," or something to that effect. I like compliments as long as they are brief and no one tries to touch the hair w/out permission.

Elettaria
July 6th, 2009, 09:53 AM
As a woman, I will sometimes go up to a complete stranger and compliment her on her hair, but I'll weigh up the situation first (context, eye contact etc.). I don't think it's wise for a man to do that with a stranger, sadly. If it's someone you have a nodding acquaintance with, or someone you're already talking to, then weigh up the situation and if you don't think she'll take it the wrong way, go ahead!

JamieLeigh
July 8th, 2009, 10:40 AM
Your hair is very nice!!

And if anyone is creeped out by a simple, "Your hair is very lovely," followed by smiling and walking away, then THEY are the ones with issues, not you! ;)

misstwist
July 8th, 2009, 10:52 AM
Your hair is very nice!!

And if anyone is creeped out by a simple, "Your hair is very lovely," followed by smiling and walking away, then THEY are the ones with issues, not you! ;)

Exactly. You can't carry anybody else's baggage.

I don't want to live in a world where we don't talk to strangers because we are afraid of them. That is an inhumane and soul-killing place and I won't make it happen by ceasing to tell strangers how beautiful I think their hair is.

GoddesJourney
July 8th, 2009, 11:08 AM
I've often found that woman to woman compliments are much easier than man to woman. Circumstances are everything. For example, if a guy just comes up to me and says "you're pretty" it's a little weird. However, there was a guy walking down the beach, drunk, with a couple of his friends on the Fourth (so everyone was partying). He passed my fiance and I and said "you're pretty" and laughed and kept walking. I understand that he only said it because he'd been drinking but it was kind of funny because his reaction to his own words showed me that escaped his mouth before he thought about it. Body language is important. I know some people get shy too. If you compliment them publicly they get defensive.

Often, I will compliment another woman from across the room. I can smile and she will likely smile back. Then I can touch my hair and point at her with a thumbs up sign or something and mouth the words "nice hair" or something, then turn and go back to what I was doing. She can then enjoy the compliment from a distance. Think of the guy that buys you a drink from across the room. He's being nice and hoping you'll come talk to him. The guy who comes over with a drink is forcing you to put up with him because he brought you a drink. If you like him, great. If not? Terrible.

Rivanariko
July 8th, 2009, 01:12 PM
I think as long as you don't go about it in a "creepy" manner, you should be fine. I usually get embarrassed/flustered at compliments, but they really make me feel good, so even if I blush or stutter, I appreciate them.
But there is certainly a difference between a passing "You have lovely hair" and someone gushing over it and wanting to touch it and feel it and play with it. That's a little creepy from someone I don't know.

Ryanne
July 8th, 2009, 01:37 PM
I don't think that thread is a very helpful example, since most of those comments weren't things like 'you have beautiful/healthy/lovely (or whatever compliment that's easy to decode) hair', but ignorant, dumb or even offensive ones.
I might be bad, or plain terrible, at receiving compliments, but I enjoy them. It depends on the person and the way you bring it.

RedJen
July 8th, 2009, 01:51 PM
I like to get hit-and-run compliments. I don't like compliments that are loaded with expectations, though. I get a lot of "Your hair is so beautiful. You should donate it." If someone genuinely just likes my hair and wants to tell me so, I'm cool with that.

lyria
July 8th, 2009, 02:29 PM
I would say it depends entirely on delivery. It might be one thing to say, "You have lovely hair" and another to say (as I have actually experienced), "Now that's a WO-man!" To the first: :pinktongue: and as to the second: :puke:

Wicked Princess
July 9th, 2009, 06:23 AM
I can't speak to how other women would react, but I personally like a casual compliment on my hair if someone really appreciates it. I may not want to stand around discussing my hair at length (no pun intended, heh) but I would still be flattered and pleased.

A random person telling me that I have beautiful hair can really make my week :)

Nyghtingale
July 9th, 2009, 07:58 AM
I take and give compliments freely.

nowxisxforever
July 9th, 2009, 11:52 AM
I agree with the other responses... so long as you're not going about it in a creepy manner (lingering, asking to touch it, being uncomfortable) I think you are 100% OK with compliments. It makes *most* people feel good to get compliments, unless they're half-hearted or have something negative attached (the 'your hair is so beautiful....you should donate it'). :)

Edit: Also... even if your hair is shorter, feel free to post more! We like new people, or at least *I* do :) Everyone's got to start somewhere with their length, you know?

enfys
July 9th, 2009, 12:05 PM
The only "compliments" I don't like are the "ooh I like a girl with long hair" pervy ones. If I'm just told I have nice hair, a nice style or whatever I'm grateful and accept it politely. My favourite was an old lady telling me she'd not seen a style (braid wrapped around a head-you know Heidi fake crown braid things?) like mine since the war! She loved it. I was so glad she'd told me because so amny pensioners had given me funny looks. I get paranoid and would rather know they were just looking at my hair or dress or whatever.

Elenna
July 9th, 2009, 12:28 PM
"Hit and run" compliments are probably best. I tried to compliment some lady with lovely BSL silver hair and she got all defensive!!!!

Queen Mab
July 9th, 2009, 12:51 PM
I personally love it when people compliment my long hair, of course that's not the reason I continue to grow it, but it feels good. I think that everyone can benefit from compliments once in a while, it's a great way to show others your appreciation for them!

aksown
July 9th, 2009, 05:18 PM
The "hit and run" compliments are usually the kind I give, so as not to make the complimentee uncomfortable. I would think so long as you're complimenting without the pervy comments or :eyebrows:, you should be fine.

Jemoiselle
July 9th, 2009, 10:20 PM
Personally, I value woman to woman compliments more than the average man to woman because more of us know what it takes to have great hair and can recognize it's subtleties more so than the AVERAGE man, NOT withstanding the fabulous men we have here!! You guys are rare diamonds in the world, so please understand I am not suggesting all men, just a slice of the average majority. (Putting foot in mouth, rescue me!) We also (speaking for majority here) don't usually have ulterior motives such as trying to score a date hehe. I really hope I didn't offend anyone! Not my intention! Eek.

Flynn
July 9th, 2009, 10:35 PM
I'm happy if you look, comment, but don't touch. "You have really lovely hair" is a friendly compliment. "You have really lovely hair", and then reaching out to touch is it creepy, as far as I am concerned.

Rapunzal2Be
July 10th, 2009, 01:45 AM
I think that since you have long hair yourself, someone getting a hair compliment from you should take it as a kindred spirit thing rather than a "man hitting on a woman" thing. I also like the idea of the "hit and run" compliments.

Angela_Rose
July 10th, 2009, 10:58 PM
I think a gentle approach with an easy smile on your face, followed by something like "I couldn't help but notice how lovely your hair is," should be just fine. You've been around here long enough and read enough threads to know not to reach out and touch or to not be creepy; simply being confident and calm will garner you a "thank you" and the satisfaction that you made someone's day. I *love* getting hair compliments.

Natalia
July 10th, 2009, 11:04 PM
I think general compliments are great such as i like your hair, your hair is so shiny/healthy/whatever. It can get tricky when it gets to other stuff like how did you do that hair do, but as a long hair yourself you could probably get away with that one. It just gets creepy when strangers want to touch it without asking or get too specific like "oh i really like the contrast of your highlights" or "i like your natural color better" for someone who has obvious roots. Yeah commenting on someones colored hair wheather you like it or not is a no no unless they ask you or otherwise bring it up. Thats all ic an really think of

Quixii
July 10th, 2009, 11:25 PM
I always wish I had the right attitude to just drop compliments to strangers. I always feel like a creeper if I do, though. It's so nice getting it from strangers. They have a real, unbiased opinion.
Personally, I wouldn't stop the compliments, just make sure they don't sound creepy and don't reach over and touch the hair. There's a world of difference between, "You have such pretty long hair," and "You have such a pretty, defined waist." (I've gotten both compliments, and the second one just creeps me out, though I know the person.)

SurprisingWoman
July 11th, 2009, 12:28 AM
It's very strange, or maybe not. I got a LOT more compliments when I was coloring my hair from people in general. It was about 50/50 men to women.

Now that I am long and gray I get compliments from women, but not as many as I used to and men don't comment much at all. I still get plenty, but they have decreased in number.

I find it interesting but it doesn't bother me. The people that comment now are MUCH more passionate about their enthusiasm than they were before.

Feye
July 11th, 2009, 03:14 AM
As long as it feels natural and not forced to give the compliment it's probably fine. Make it a habit to compliment people in general about other things than hair (neutral things, not peoples' defined waists, lol), and occasional hair compliments won't feel awkward to you.

I compliment people if I can make it feel natural. Yesterday I walked up to two tourists in the grocery store, asked them which language they were speaking and that it sounded beautiful. They got really happy because they needed help with grocery translation.

I once walked past an unknown man in a bar who said "Nice hair!" I thought that he was trying to chat me up and stopped, but he didn't try to talk after that. Honestly, I felt a little disappointed. ;) But at the same time, a really great honest compliment without any hidden motive!

Heidi_234
July 11th, 2009, 03:25 AM
To be honest, I'm the person who will be creeped out from yours or any other stranger's compliment. I never got one, but I can imagine my reaction. I guess it's different in the US or something, here there's always something wrong if a stranger starts talking with you. :shudder:

Debra83
July 11th, 2009, 10:36 AM
As a woman, I will sometimes go up to a complete stranger and compliment her on her hair, but I'll weigh up the situation first (context, eye contact etc.). I don't think it's wise for a man to do that with a stranger, sadly. If it's someone you have a nodding acquaintance with, or someone you're already talking to, then weigh up the situation and if you don't think she'll take it the wrong way, go ahead!


This is what popped into my head too.

Rentlle
July 11th, 2009, 11:04 AM
I use to give compliments to people I know, or know little.
But if a stranger would walk to me and just said some honnest easy thing like 'your hair is realy beautiful" or " cool hair, dude XD", I would be realy happy.
In case that person didn't try to touch it or something :o
I get often compliments like "wow, that updo is realy gorgeous, how did you do that?";
then I just explain, and I'm realy happy with that :D

terriej
July 11th, 2009, 11:17 AM
People always compliment the color of my hair specifically and it's usually men. It makes me wonder if they don't like the rest of my hair :)

I just smile and say "thank you" because that's what I feel is the proper response even if I feel creeped out, in which case I just walk away a little faster than normal.

I hardly ever give hair compliments, I'm a little too shy, I guess. If I ever happen to, I just say, "I like your hair" or something like that.