Help! My friend wants to cut for Locks of Love!!

[cowgirltresses]

My Friend from work recently told me that she wants to cut her gorgeous bsl hair off for Locks of Love. She has lovely, virgin, black hair. I would feel so horrible letting her cut it all off for a scam! She said that she used to have tailbone length hair and cut it several years ago for the same cause, and now feels *guilty* if she doesn't donate it. GUILTY?! Does anyone have advise on ways to convince her, in the nicest possible way, that she shouldn't feel obligated to cut her hair? Please help! Thanks!
Cowgirl

[florenonite]

I would tell her the truth about LOL, the fact that they don't give wigs to kids with cancer, they charge on a sliding scale for the wigs, and they bin most of the hair they get (sorry, I haven't got stats, but a large quantity of the hair they get is deemed "unusable"). If she still feels obliged to donate try and ascertain why, and counter the arguments with reason. If she's going to be upset with short hair because she feels guilty otherwise, she shouldn't be cutting her hair. If she's contemplating cutting it anyway and using donation as motivation (though I don't get that impression, as you've said she feels "guilty"), then I'd suggest another, more reputable, charity.

[Bunnyhare]

I did not know that about locks of love, that makes me really sad!

[Kiraela]

If she is really truly determined to donate, tell her the facts about L.O.L. (why they call it that, IDK since they're the only ones laughing - all the way to the bank!) and tell her about Pantene's Beautiful Lengths.

They really do DONATE the wigs to women with cancer.

[Madame J]

I agree with Kiraela about suggesting an alternate charity -- if you come off like you're against donating it at all, she may not listen to what you have to say about Locks of Love. But maybe suggest that she hold onto her hair for a while. While she probably has the minimum length to donate, many young girls want wigs of long hair, and the minimum donation doesn't come close to providing that, so she can wait to donate and not feel guilty. AND if she gets flak from people about donating, she can give them that reasoning -- "I'm growing as long as I can to help a girl have the wig she actually wants."

[Beatnik Guy]

Elizabeth Hayt's "New York Times" article (http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/06/fashion/06locks.html) explains all.

And, if she's concerned about cancer victims, suggets giving money to cancer research.

[danacc]

This is an emotional issue on a lot of different levels. I think it's important for you to start by telling her that you know she's trying to do something good. Let her know how you feel about just that part--her wanting to contribute. (Forget for the moment that she's going about it in the wrong way. This should be a positive statement, or skip it.)

Then you can let her know that you're concerned with her particular choice of charity, why Locks of Love is concerning you, and offer some options. Facts at this point are good since there's a lot of emotion underneath the decision for both her and you. The NY Times article is an excellent one to discuss with her. Offer some options on other ways she could help people. If her drive is to help people with cancer and she's set on donating her hair, Pantene's Beautiful Lengths appears to be a better choice.

If not, maybe you can talk about ways to find a cause that she's really interested in, and a way that she could support that instead. There are options for folks low in cash themselves if money is part of the issue. Participate in a walk (or run or bike) and raise donations, volunteer time to an event that is raising money, volunteer time to help folks directly. Libraries are often a good resource for volunteer opportunities in your area.

[Shermie Girl]

I find it so sad that Locks of Love and their propaganda machine have so thoroughly permeated our society that women and girls now feel guilty for keeping their own hair. :sad:

My mother recently mentioned possibly cutting her BSL+ hair and donating it. After I gave her a few home truths, she quickly changed her mind and decided to keep her hair and make a donation of money to a children's cancer hospital, instead. :D

[Elettaria]

If she's not wildly wealthy, a standing order for a modest amount to a charity every month is a good way of donating money, and feeling like you're doing something useful on an ongoing basis. Volunteering in a charity shop is another good thing to do. Money and work are going to do a lot more for cancer sufferers than cutting off her hair! It also provides a good answer to anyone rude enough to tell her to cut off her hair for charity.

[lora410]

Someone had stats on this and I think an article about how LOL throws away most hair they receive. Their practices are shady, esp how much money they make; they charge for wigs and the list goes on and on. They also only help kids with alopecia, not any other illness which is very sad.

[ericthegreat]

You must remember that this is your friend's hair, not your hair so you must be very careful in the tone you tell her about what to do with HER hair. Who knows, perhaps she's tired of having her hair long and wants to go back to having it short again, or for her donating her hair is an act of kindness that she wishes to bestow. I would not start out by blurting to her to NOT donate her hair to LOL if this is indeed what she intends to do.

What you could do is mention with tact that Locks of Love altho being very famous is not an honorable cancer charity. They don't give to just children suffering from cancer, they give to ANYONE including adults suffering from hair loss. The children with cancer is a purposeful emotional lure to guilt you into giving up your hard earned locks. Also, they receive many, many more ponytails than they produce into wigs. Just WHAT DO THEY DO with all that extra hair? Is it stored in warehouses somewhere not yet made into wigs? Is it thrown out? Or as suspected, they sell off some of these ponytails for profit to be made into wigs or hair extensions thus disqualifying them as a reputable charity if this was found out?

You could ease this into the conversation, but definitely don't tell her not to donate her hair if she is dead set on doing so. If she is determined to do this to her own hair then let her, for her own peace of mind it would make her happy to do so regardless of what the truth about LOL is.

[masterofmidgets]

I don't think there is anything particularly evil about Locks of Love (and yes, I've done my reading ;)), but there is enough misinformation out there that you should make sure she has all her facts straight.

Is she comfortable with her hair being donated to kids with alopecia and other forms of permanent hairloss, rather than going to cancer kids? It's a less heartstring-tugging cause, but not necessarily a less worthy one, since I'm sure life for children with permanent hairloss must be difficult in a lot of ways. Still, she should know who her donation is going to.

Is she okay with the wigs being sold on a sliding scale, and her hair possibly being sold to offset costs? Again, this isn't necessarily a bad thing - even a non-profit needs to pay its employees, and a sliding scale presumably makes sure families don't pay more than they can afford. But if she's not comfortable with that, another charity, like Pantene's Beautiful Lengths, Wigs For Kids, or even Matter of Trust, which uses donated hair to make mats to clean up oil spills, might be a better option for her.

Does she understand all the rules about donating - what kind of condition the hair has to be in, how long it has to be, all that stuff? It seems obvious, but making sure her hair is actually in the right shape (clean, dry, unprocessed, etc etc) for LoL to use in a wig would help make it less likely that her donation is wasted if she does still decide to donate.

Does she feel pressured to donate? You said she feels guilty if she doesn't, but there may be other reasons she wants to cut it - maybe she's tired of dealing with it, or thinks she would look better with a short cut, or just wants to shake things up. Or maybe someone is telling her she needs to. Let you know that you think her hair is nice long, that there's nothing wrong with long hair, and she shouldn't feel like she has to donate it if she doesn't want to.

In the end, it's her hair and she is going to decide what she wants to do with it. You aren't going to get very far if you go into the conversation saying 'LoL is EVIL and you can't cut your hair!' anymore than one of us would want someone telling us we have to donate. Just be polite and let her know that you know a lot of people donate without knowing what they are getting into, and you wanted to make sure she knew enough about LoL and how it works to be happy with her choice.

[Moonstruck]

I know how your friend feels - I ENJOY cutting my hair for donations. I've done it twice and would like to do it again at the end of the summer.

HOWEVER, I am choosing Pantene Beautiful Lengths over Locks of Love... for one main reason. I don't mind LoL selling hair to offset costs, or charging on a sliding scale, or giving it to alopecia rather than cancer, or whatever. What I do mind is the fact that they've MISLED and essentially scammed tons of women AND men into cutting their hair for a cause that wasn't the one they believed in necessarily. That's really really wrong.
But yes. If she wants to donate, I'd say let her donate. It'll grow back, worst comes to worst. I'd talk to her about how LoL isn't really what its made out to be, and I'd talk about Pantene, and then if you're so inclined, I'd suggest talking about maybe not cutting it... but that's absolutely her decision to make.

[sweet*things]

My daughter's school has sponsored a Locks of Love cutting event the past two years and both times it's gotten her very upset. She says it's very creepy walking around school with every other person asking her if she's going to donate. :hatchet:

[longhairedfairy]

My daughter's school has sponsored a Locks of Love cutting event the past two years and both times it's gotten her very upset. She says it's very creepy walking around school with every other person asking her if she's going to donate. :hatchet:
They should not be allowed to do that, in my opinion. It's too much like bullying.

[florenonite]

They should not be allowed to do that, in my opinion. It's too much like bullying.

I agree. Cutting one's hair for charity is a nice gesture (as long a you know and accept what's going to happen with the hair), but having it done at the school means that those with long hair who choose not to do it are pressured by their peers to do so.

[longhairedfairy]

I agree. Cutting one's hair for charity is a nice gesture (as long a you know and accept what's going to happen with the hair), but having it done at the school means that those with long hair who choose not to do it are pressured by their peers to do so.
Yeah, exactly. They're going to be "pushed" into doing it whether they want to or not. If they don't they're going to be mistreated. For those who genuinely want to do it, more power to them. It's a wonderful thing to try to help people in whatever way you choose. Just not in the way someone presumes to choose for you.

[HeatherJenae]

If people start giving her grief about not donating her long hair, tell her to just ask them how much THEY'VE donated! That usually shuts em up.

[nowxisxforever]

I know how your friend feels - I ENJOY cutting my hair for donations. I've done it twice and would like to do it again at the end of the summer.

It doesn't sound like her friend enjoys the cutting, it sounds like she feels guilty if she doesn't, which should not be the case. It's one thing if you enjoy it because it makes you feel like you're doing something, but it's another entirely when you grow your hair out that you enjoy, and cutting it because others say you should and how-dare-you-be-so-selfish if you don't.

[noelgirl]

My daughter's school has sponsored a Locks of Love cutting event the past two years and both times it's gotten her very upset. She says it's very creepy walking around school with every other person asking her if she's going to donate. :hatchet:

It is so weird to me that schools do that nowadays. As if kids don't deal with enough peer pressure. And while I can see why a school would back a charitable cause, this seems like one of the worst ones they could choose. Not only because of the peer pressure element, but because so many students couldn't participate even if they wanted to. Back in my day (and yes, I walked uphill both ways in the snow), my school sponsored the St. Jude's Math-A-Thon, and I really liked that because it was something everyone could participate in - we're all learning math, right? Plus, the money went to actual treatment and research.

[danacc]

It is so weird to me that schools do that nowadays. As if kids don't deal with enough peer pressure. And while I can see why a school would back a charitable cause, this seems like one of the worst ones they could choose. Not only because of the peer pressure element, but because so many students couldn't participate even if they wanted to. Back in my day (and yes, I walked uphill both ways in the snow), my school sponsored the St. Jude's Math-A-Thon, and I really liked that because it was something everyone could participate in - we're all learning math, right? Plus, the money went to actual treatment and research.

St. Jude's Math-a-Thon is still going strong in the school system in my area. I agree, it makes much more sense for the school to support than something like Locks of Love...

[florenonite]

It is so weird to me that schools do that nowadays. As if kids don't deal with enough peer pressure. And while I can see why a school would back a charitable cause, this seems like one of the worst ones they could choose. Not only because of the peer pressure element, but because so many students couldn't participate even if they wanted to. Back in my day (and yes, I walked uphill both ways in the snow), my school sponsored the St. Jude's Math-A-Thon, and I really liked that because it was something everyone could participate in - we're all learning math, right? Plus, the money went to actual treatment and research.

I agree. The closest to LOL that my school ever got was when the headmaster offered to shave his head if we donated a certain amount of money to a cancer charity. However, the headmaster offering to shave his head if students raise enough money is entirely different from students donating their hair. He did it voluntarily in order to encourage the students to get involved and donate money, but there was no peer pressure element, and his hair was short enough that it grew back fairly quickly; we just wanted him to do it for the novelty of seeing him bald.

Generally speaking we did things in which all the students participated, like the Terry Fox Run.

[Fifty-Five]

Yeah, I'd tell her about what really happens with LoL firstly, and then explain how a monetary contributions can outweigh that of her hair, and how she doesn't need to feel guilty for not donating it. =3

[cowgirltresses]

Thanks for the advice guys!! I talked to my friend and explained about where a lot of LoL hair donations go. I didn't say anything about not donating her hair, that is her choice! I told some of the places she could look for more information on LoL (Thanks for the New York Times article!) and told her about some of the other places she could donate her hair to. Such as wigs for kids or pantene beautiful lengths. She was quite put off that locks of love would discard or sell much of the hair donations and not be up front about it. She was also under the impression that her donation went to children with cancer and was underinformed about the sliding scale that they sell the wigs for. I think my conversation went quite well, actually! We are both waitresses, so a monetary donation is sort of out of the question...we're both so poor we can't afford a cheeseburger! I'm going to talk to her again the next time we work together to see what she decided. I'm so happy that I did not offend her at all, she is the sweetest girl, I just wanted her to know the facts that I was concerned about! Thank you again for the very helpful tips!

[lazykerri]

What do you tell people who suggest you donate to Locks of Love? I've had one coworker suggest it several times. Aside from LOL being iffy, how do you explain to people why you're not donating hair to any charity?

I don't think I could effectively dry it and send it to them, and I was hoping to go get a Deva "curly hair cut" (dry cut). It has to be freshly washed and dry to donate, with no styling products. I also am not sure how much I want to cut, and even 8 inches seems like a lot at this point (my hair would be pretty short then, I think).

Some people are good at berating others and trying to make them feel guilty for not donating. What will get them off our backs?

[Cherry_Sprinkle]

send her here :) there are a lot of threads about LoL on LHC. Tell her to also check into the BBB because they have several complaints even listed on their website. If she wants to donate there are many more respectable places to donate to than LoL

[nowxisxforever]

What do you tell people who suggest you donate to Locks of Love? I've had one coworker suggest it several times. Aside from LOL being iffy, how do you explain to people why you're not donating hair to any charity?

I don't think I could effectively dry it and send it to them, and I was hoping to go get a Deva "curly hair cut" (dry cut). It has to be freshly washed and dry to donate, with no styling products. I also am not sure how much I want to cut, and even 8 inches seems like a lot at this point (my hair would be pretty short then, I think).

Some people are good at berating others and trying to make them feel guilty for not donating. What will get them off our backs?

There's a lot of things you could say. Donate yearly a small (or whatever you can handle) sum to a charity of some sort, that way you can say "I make yearly donations to _____ Cancer Thingy. That does much more good than cutting my hair so they can probably throw it away or sell it for extensions."

You can also say "If I donate my hair, will you donate your kidney? Why, you only need one!"

Or just tell them to stuff it.

EDIT: You could also tell them that human hair wigs are hard to care for and uncomfortable. Or that you would far rather the kids learn to love themselves as they are rather than covering up part of what makes them beautiful and unique.

I had a girl in my 5th grade class that had not a hair on her body and she didn't try to cover it up. She positively radiated confidence. She was beautiful and she knew it. She also didn't take any flak from the other kids. Very strong personality, and I'm sure she grew up wonderfully.

[cowgirltresses]

I agree! There have been a few people that have asked me at my job if I will donate my hair. I just tell them flat out that my hair is something that I'm very proud of and worked hard to get. If they would like to see my charity record I would gladly tell them about all the hours that I've put into helping different places and the money I've helped to raise. They usually shut up right away. It's like, whatever, my hair is a special part of me! Did I ask you to give you cat to a poor child in Afica? Nope, so don't question my charitable means. That' s your own business.

[nowxisxforever]

I agree! There have been a few people that have asked me at my job if I will donate my hair. I just tell them flat out that my hair is something that I'm very proud of and worked hard to get. If they would like to see my charity record I would gladly tell them about all the hours that I've put into helping different places and the money I've helped to raise. They usually shut up right away. It's like, whatever, my hair is a special part of me! Did I ask you to give you cat to a poor child in Afica? Nope, so don't question my charitable means. That' s your own business.

Exactly.

Your charitable actions are not for them to know. I'm sure there's something in the Bible (as a prominent holy book, not necessarily mine) about a guy making a big deal of the money he donates at his church versus the guy who just donates and doesn't try to make a show of it. Something. :P

[Fractalsofhair]

Tell her if she cuts her hair to give it to Pantene beautiful lengths(Or another legit organization). Or, tell her to ask people that tell her to donate her hair to find a child with cancer or another condition causing them to lose their hair, and have her meet them, and if they don't have a wig, ask the person that tells her to donate her hair to pay for the wig making! That will scare off most of them! And if it doesn't, well I think anyone with long hair who meets a child with cancer without a wig, and has someone offer to pay for a wig,and their hair is good enough quality, I doubt many people with long hair will refuse the 8 or so inches needed for a wig. Now, the 12 inch requirement is silly, since a kid with cancer can have a short little wig, as opposed to a longer one(Though if you do, it is your own choice, and fine. But if you know someone personally with cancer, a lot of people might be more willing to have the wig made for THAT person.). Also, kids don't need real hair wigs. Think about how 6 year olds are with Halloween ones. Real hair costs more and is delicate. A little kid with a bunch of nicer synthetic wigs(Not the $5 iparty ones, but a nice $50-200 or so one) has a better option. Real hair ones are great for adults, but adults often can either pay for a real hair wig, or just deal with being bald(males in particular.). There is an organization that does accept damaged hair, they use it to clean up oil spills! They also accept hairclippings, just the little short ones from a salon! I forget the name though. I get told to donate my hair since it has so many colors and it would look great in a wig(Yeah, and my hair isn't even 20 inches in the back, and will soon be much shorter... DAMAGE! ). Little do people know that it's dyed after being cut, and that my hair isn't suitable for normal wig making since it's fine and couldn't stand up to the treatments. Honestly, I see nothing wrong with donating hair, but why not just donate the clippings, or donate a foot at the most to a person who is personally suffering with cancer! Or even better yet, give a hat or something warm, cute, and not itchy to the patient, and work on getting people to not think "Oh, a cancer patient needs a wig! It's so weird to lose your hair, despite the fact many men have that problem and none of them get wigs!", and think "Let's get a warm comfy cute hat for the cancer patient so they can be comfy and still look cute!". Wigs are itchy vile things to wear(Drama club and such), and cancer patients are practically required by society to wear a wig. They're ill with an illness, I think sympathy is better than trying to get them to look normal. Honestly, it's like wearing makeup after major surgery, why should it be put on a woman when she's ill just because she has a zit(Yes, my grandmum had this done to her after open heart surgery by the nurse who thought she'd look better with it. My grandmum never wears makeup, except to go to the doctor(She was raised in an era when women wore makeup, 1930s to be a feminist). And in the 1950s, the nurse put makeup on her so she'd look pretty when her husband came in. XD. He still noticed she was sick. Of course, no one in my family has had cancer, or needed chemo, but we do have balding men, and well, out of the people I know that have relatives that have had cancer, a lot referred to the wigs as a pain, and it was so annoying how they're expected to wear them etc.