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scotishlass
June 22nd, 2009, 08:50 AM
Hello everyone, I hope this isnt too heavy a thread for a newbie, i Just wondered about your experiences,
Does anyone use their hair, the routines, the time spent, the detail, effort, thoughts, money as a distraction for other issues in your life?
I have a wee bit of an addictive personality. not by way of drug alcohol or anything serious, but if i get an idea then I waste/use lots of my thinking time on whatever it may be,
Styling my hair vintage style, different styles of clothes. make up, books, home decor etc,

I really like having something to research, try out new goals , but i wonder if it sometimes masks other issues,

I cant control alot of things but i guess caring for my hair i can ... and i like that

anyone else or am i daft? hehe x

GlennaGirl
June 22nd, 2009, 08:56 AM
I don't...but I DO enjoy every minute of pampering my hair. Sometimes we just can't do things for ourselves. Days or weeks might go by and we look back and go, "What the hell did I do that was literally just for myself, just some frivolous, nice thing?" For me, that's hair. I brushed it nicely with my scalp-massaging brush; I took out a half hour to CO...it's just something nice to do.

You may be more "addicted" to doing a hundred different things to your hair in the beginning, then later find that it all shakes out (so to speak) into more of a routine and less of an obsession. :)

scotishlass
June 22nd, 2009, 09:06 AM
Thanks for your reply glennagirl, I see what you mean, something just for you, to enjoy.
Im a mum and a wife, and work full time so trying to squeze in time to do these things is difficult!

I think im kidding myself that the more i keep my hair and its routines in the forefront of my mind the quicker it will grow!! hehe but i guess that actually, not focusing so much on how much its growing is a good thing!

GlennaGirl
June 22nd, 2009, 09:08 AM
Thanks for your reply glennagirl, I see what you mean, something just for you, to enjoy.
Im a mum and a wife, and work full time so trying to squeze in time to do these things is difficult!

I think im kidding myself that the more i keep my hair and its routines in the forefront of my mind the quicker it will grow!! hehe but i guess that actually, not focusing so much on how much its growing is a good thing!

Ah. Fellow wife and mommy here! Well, hon, you have a beautiful head of hair to begin with--nice and thick and shiny--so it can only get even more luxurious from here. A member here, Spidermom, once said something I'll always remember--I don't recall the exact wording, but she said to enjoy your hair at every stage because eventually you will "outgrow" certain styles that you have enjoyed. So that's definitely one way to pass the time--by having loads of fun with every length!

Happy growing!

VanillaTresses
June 22nd, 2009, 10:28 AM
I think that it can definitely be a distraction for me, and not so much a "crutch" as maybe an outlet of expression. ;) Don't know if this makes sense.

ReddishRocks
June 22nd, 2009, 10:30 AM
I know what you mean. I too have a slightly addictive personality... My mother terms it "having a burr under my saddle." :D I term them my "current obsessions."

Truly, when I discover something I'm interested in, I throw myself fully into it. I research research research. My current obsession happens to be my hair. In the past, it's been makeup, scrapbooking, crochet, etc... My obsessions have their own allowance as a part of my own personal budget, so it never brings me to financial ruin. ;)

The hardest part for me is knowing when to let go of an obsession. It's really time for me to dump some of the magazines I have on scrapbooking... they're SO out of date, and I know I'll never get around to them again. *sigh*

I think it's healthy to have something to focus on. For me, it doesn't mask my other "issues," it helps me to cope. :flower:

free_hug
June 22nd, 2009, 10:54 AM
I think for me it's the other way round. First i had to grow back my self-esteen, and only after that i decided to start growing out. And looking back on it, it looks very logical to me... but it might work this was too, you gradually get yourself more and more pretty hair, and get some compliments and change a little people's behavior towards yourself, and it helps your self-confidence?

As for the other possibility, concentrating more closely on hair will not make it grow faster, in fact it does the opposite: you spend more time expecting it to grow or change otherwise, instead of being patient and just forgetting about it for long whiles, and then its slowness gets frustrating. (yes, hair is always slow to grow, even for fast growers)
But as long as you enjoy pampering it and you have no irrealistic expectations, it should be an enjoyable pastime :)

hellkitty
June 22nd, 2009, 10:59 AM
I think I use it as a crutch a bit, but not as a distraction.

I'm, how shall we say, not pretty. No, don't try to be all nice about it. I have scars all over my arms, one or two on my face, from a series of accidents. Yeah, to the point where I hate summer because people ask questions or worse presume they know how I got some of the larger ones. I have a lot of medical issues (migraines, IBS, sciatica, etc) as well. This is all just to say that I have had...problems...liking my body.

My hair for the longest time was the only thing about my appearance that I did like. I've learned slowly to appreciate my body for what it does, rather than how it looks, but anyone living in America or with any exposure to American culture knows how 'against the tide' that kind of thinking is.

So my hair routine, even what someone once called my 'vanity' about my hair, well, hey, let me feel good about how SOMETHING about me looks, right? So all of my oils, and hairtoys and brushes and different styles and experimenting with stuff--that's all about me liking *me*, in a weird way (I'm not expressing this very well but I hope you get the idea).

As to avoiding my issues by playing with my hair, nah, not for me. My issues will be there no matter how hard I try to ignore them, and I honestly can't see how doing something *positive* and *loving* to myself is a bad psychological thing. I could see how if it turned into a major obsession where I'd rather spend time with my hair than my loved ones or in other words if anyone was actually getting physically or emotionally hurt by it, maybe, but just taking some 'me time'?

HK.

DragonLady
June 22nd, 2009, 12:11 PM
I have to say that getting my hair to grow again has improved my self-esteem a lot. I really do feel better about myself in almost every way now I've been here a few months. My hair is getting longer, yes, but it's also just nicer than it's ever been. It's turning wavy, and it's healthy and soft...and that makes me want to show it off instead of sticking it under a hat and pretending I don't care.

Now I've started buying cute hairtoys, I find myself wanting some cute new clothes to go with them...and wearing a touch of makeup to even out my skintone so I don't look blotchy.

I don't think it's a crutch, really. I'm not ignoring my life or stealing time from my responsibilities. But I do enjoy the distraction from the parts of me that aren't so perfect -the extra weight, the wrinkles, and the fact I really need to get out of the house more often.

Honey39
June 22nd, 2009, 12:23 PM
I think hair is something that we can enjoy and love no matter what our emotional state, health or looks. We can pamper it and it will show visible signs of improvement, which is satisfying.

I am overweight, and my hair is something about me I find can be beautiful and feminine. I suspect - although I don't want to be in any way hurtful on this - that a number of overweight women in real life and on this site *do* take pleasure in their hair because of similar reasons. That it can be long, luscious and beautiful and feminine which is a pleasure when you are overweight and society is so image-conscious. That it can be a visual thing which brings us pleasure and makes us feel good about ourselves.

jivete
June 22nd, 2009, 12:27 PM
I need something to focus on or I get a little batty. So there's always something for me to research. It's just part of my personality. Helps keep me sane. ;)

Nyghtingale
June 22nd, 2009, 12:52 PM
My hair is just for me. I enjoy it, it is not there to please anyone but me.

RancheroTheBee
June 22nd, 2009, 01:04 PM
I think that sometimes, I do use it to ignore other things in my life, or other aspects about myself that I wish to not focus on. For instance, if I didn't obsess about my hair, I would move on to the fact that I don't like my teeth or stomach or whatever, and hair is just so much more fun and rewarding to obsess over. :grin:

zen_oven
June 22nd, 2009, 01:40 PM
I tend to do this--use my hair as a distraction. I've been pretty stressed out for a while now, mostly because of work, so hanging out on LHC is a diversion for me. It's not so much that I'm focusing on doing things to my hair, but LHC itself is an escape from the stress.

Kiraela
June 22nd, 2009, 01:43 PM
I definately know what you mean. I have a tendency to get obsessed with one thing to the exclusion of all else - eventually it will settle out into a hobby or interest, and I'll find a new obsession. It's something I'm working very hard on, let me tell you. Hair has been my obsession for long enough that I don't think it's going to settle, though luckily I have been able to keep it to 'review the hairboards every 20 mins to see if I missed anything' and not 'ooh, shiny must buy!'....


So far.

Melisande
June 22nd, 2009, 01:48 PM
YES. I'm an obsessive person and my hair has taken over too much of my life.

It was easier for everybody when I was obsessed with Flylady ;-) Then at least the house was clean and food was ready :lol:

Natalia
June 22nd, 2009, 02:11 PM
I have the bad habit of masking things with activites as well :o. For me its usually internet, TV, or hair. Before it was exersice, school,and cooking. Sometimes your stuck in a place where you cant control much and everyone needs to feel secure. So in my opion as long as it isnt detrimental its fine. When your out of that situation or handling it better and its really become an obsession, thats where thr toruble is.

enfys
June 22nd, 2009, 04:36 PM
I wonder if it's connected that when my life (future plans) started falling apart that I came back here?

I have a chart planned out that estimates where my hair will be at certain points in time according to what I do with it, it's like a tree branch. If I maintain at waist it will be so long by my first anniverasry, if I trim half my growth til my layers catch up it will be such and such a time.

It's not normal or productive but it sort of helps a bit. Distraction is a great coping method.

Torrin Paige
June 22nd, 2009, 04:47 PM
I think hair is something that we can enjoy and love no matter what our emotional state, health or looks. We can pamper it and it will show visible signs of improvement, which is satisfying.

I am overweight, and my hair is something about me I find can be beautiful and feminine. I suspect - although I don't want to be in any way hurtful on this - that a number of overweight women in real life and on this site *do* take pleasure in their hair because of similar reasons. That it can be long, luscious and beautiful and feminine which is a pleasure when you are overweight and society is so image-conscious. That it can be a visual thing which brings us pleasure and makes us feel good about ourselves.

I agree with you . I was a skinny Minnie once and while my hair was long, it was never as important to me as it is now. I am currently a big girl and I find that when I am frustrated about my weight and how my clothes fit, I can always go and do something fun with my hair and I feel better. I am lucky to have a hubby who prefers me bigger (I'm cuddly now, I guess) but I still get down on myself because I don't conform to societies ideals of beauty. Hmmm. Being a longhair kinda makes me non-conformist anyway. :)

I don't see my slight obsession with my hair as a crutch. It's yet another one of my many hobbies and I don't see any problems with mucking about with something that brings you so much enjoyment. I'll take my happiness where I can get it.

Spike
June 22nd, 2009, 05:00 PM
Does anyone use their hair, the routines, the time spent, the detail, effort, thoughts, money as a distraction for other issues in your life?


Well, let's see here:

So long as I'm still able to function (y'know, hold down a job, pay my bills, relate to people about things other than hair) then what's the damage? This obsession hasn't removed me from life but rather enhances my life.

So long as I'm not using this to avoid damaging problems (an abusive relationship, for example, or serious psychological issues) then what's the problem?

And in the final analysis, aren't all hobbies (hair, golf, science fiction) little mini-vacations from the everyday grind? Mine just happens to be hair--the care, feeding, and styling thereof. :p

rose_in_bloom
June 22nd, 2009, 07:01 PM
I don't think it's a crutch. I know I spent waaaay too much time on it when I first joined LongHairLoom in late 2007. But now it's more like a fun hobby and a chance to meet awesome people from all over the world. And it creates some 'me time'. I do not consider myself to be very pretty, and I remember feeling much better about my appearance when my hair was long. The longer it gets, the more beautiful I feel. I'm under a lot of stress right now due to serious family issues, and caring for my hair helps to keep me sane. So I suppose you could say it's a bit of an escape sometimes, but not all the time.

Carrie Ingalls
June 22nd, 2009, 07:13 PM
I know what you mean. I too have a slightly addictive personality... My mother terms it "having a burr under my saddle." :D I term them my "current obsessions."

Truly, when I discover something I'm interested in, I throw myself fully into it. I research research research. My current obsession happens to be my hair. In the past, it's been makeup, scrapbooking, crochet, etc... My obsessions have their own allowance as a part of my own personal budget, so it never brings me to financial ruin. ;)


I do the same thing. Some things are a recuring intrest, but I tend to go through phases of being really into something (usually until I'm a little too busy to keep up with it). Some of my past phases have been, face paint, Playmobil, Bitty Baby, coton candy makers, chickens, Buffs...

I really like the idea of adding "current obsession" to my budget! I never would have thought of that. :o

Dementia1013
June 22nd, 2009, 07:16 PM
I absolutely use my hair to relax. My father is very sick in a home and it can be VERY stressful. To unwind sometimes my husband takes over watching our little one and i get to try out new hairstyles. lol. I thought it was just me. :D

Chromis
June 22nd, 2009, 08:15 PM
Using my hair as a crutch?

No, I don't think it would hold me up!

ratgirldjh
June 22nd, 2009, 08:33 PM
Begign Neglect is the best thing for hair - definitely not obsessing over it - LOL

How do I know this? Because when I first joined here I tried everything - and I mean everything!
Finally, I got tired of trying new things and pretty much tired of messing with my hair and have been leaving it alone and putting it up as much as possible.

The way I got waist length hair last time was by ignoring my hair and wearing it up.

As soon as I started worrying about how to wash it and how much to brush it and with what and what to use and what not to use and trying everything - my hair got really unhappy - and then I was also trying too many things too fast and couldn't even be sure what my hair liked and disliked.

So I just stick with my time tested things - like my poo bar and ACV rinses and occasional overnight oilings or coconut milk soaks.

Simple is best.

And YES I have an addictive personality too. I get easily obsessed by something and then spend all my waking hours thinking about that thing; be it my hair, skin, or even stupid problems.

Good luck! Try new things but make sure you don't try too many at once! And try and remember less is more!!!

Aries_jb
June 22nd, 2009, 08:34 PM
I also get obessive over things, and these obessions usually pass as quickly as they came on. Right now I'm obessed with Aubrey products. For some reason I have it in my head that the whole line will work for me and that I really need to test out this theory. I can't tell you how many days I've been thinking about it now...comtemplating a new online order, thinking about how I want to go about experimenting, etc.

This process is so familiar to me because I've gone through it with so many things: body lotions, Chagrin Valley soaps and shampoos, oils and butters, hairtoys, nail polish, finding a cheap hair and body care routine, finding a natural hair and body care routine...and on and on it goes.

Do I think it's masking a bigger issue? I'm not sure. I doubt it. I just think it's part of my personality. I'm a planner who currently has too much time on their hands. Maybe I just don't know what to do with myself. I count myself as lucky because I know there are more dangerous things out there I could be obessed with. I think that's why my fiance is so supportive of all my obessions: "No, honey...it's not weird to have two draws filled with soap. Buy more? Why not?" :)

Speckla
June 22nd, 2009, 08:36 PM
I use my hair as a motivating factor. I don't want stress because it can cause hairloss or stunt growth. So I work on destressing and keeping my mood even. I need to take vitamins and eat healthy for my hair to stay healthy and grow. It all kind of works together. Healthy hair = healthy Speckla inside and out.

GlassEyes
June 22nd, 2009, 08:38 PM
I know I do.

For me, my hair is one of the very few things about my body that I find attractive, even if it can annoy the crap out of me. My skin is shot, my nose is big and perpetually covered with a thick, shiny layer of grease, and though my body isn't bad, it does need work.

When my hair looks good, I tend to feel better about myself. So I obsess about it. Sometimes I think that if it weren't for my hair I'd always feel like I'm an unsightly little blemish on the face of the world, if you don't mind a little self-loathing. xD

Helps me focus less on myself...while focusing too much on myself, if that makes sense. The amount of time and money I spend on my hair annoys me, but so does feeling I'm unattractive, so whatever. XD

Roseate
June 22nd, 2009, 09:03 PM
It's funny, I was just thinking of starting a thread a little like this.

I get stressed out and overwhelmed if I don't have some hobbies I can lose myself in and take my focus off the Big Stuff for a while. I knit. I mess with my hair. Therefore, I have great hand-knitted stuff and really nice hair, and I don't drive myself insane fretting about every detail of everything ever. These things are really useful outlets for me- I don't think it's unhealthy at all.

Debra83
June 22nd, 2009, 09:08 PM
I know that when I used to get stressed out by life, pre-LHC, I would ultimately bleach or cut the heck out of my hair. I use my hair as a coping mechanism I guess, something I have control over....but since finding LHC, I've been able to recognize that pattern, and curb it. Now, if I'm stressed about something, I try to fix the actual something, rather than resort to using my hair as a means of escape.

Teazel
June 22nd, 2009, 09:34 PM
There's nothing wrong with having passions in your life, in my opinion. You might be interested in this thread (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=24276). :)

ETA: Oh, and I really spend little time or money on my hair. There are days when - shhh! - I don't even comb it out. I just shove it in a bun and forget about it. :o

The time I spend on LHC, on the other hand, just might be ridiculous. :wink:

amandasmith911
June 22nd, 2009, 10:05 PM
I love to have something to research and I know exactally what you mean about thinking of it all the time and almost feeling adticted. My husband says I research things to death. I love to know as much as I can about something I am interested in.

As far using my hair as a crutch, well I have discovered I used my hair to hide behind, like hide my face. Thats why I have had a hard time getting used to up do's. But that's getting better.

Amanda

scotishlass
June 23rd, 2009, 02:58 AM
I know what you mean. I too have a slightly addictive personality... My mother terms it "having a burr under my saddle." :D I term them my "current obsessions."

Truly, when I discover something I'm interested in, I throw myself fully into it. I research research research. My current obsession happens to be my hair. In the past, it's been makeup, scrapbooking, crochet, etc... My obsessions have their own allowance as a part of my own personal budget, so it never brings me to financial ruin. ;)

The hardest part for me is knowing when to let go of an obsession. It's really time for me to dump some of the magazines I have on scrapbooking... they're SO out of date, and I know I'll never get around to them again. *sigh*

I think it's healthy to have something to focus on. For me, it doesn't mask my other "issues," it helps me to cope. :flower:


Oh my goodness thats me all over!!
I think when i start dreaming about the thing is spending so much time thinking over then i know im kinda obsessed,
For me, i need to put my energy in to something that i can change, my hair for example, Im really looking forward to seeing it grow, look after it better, stop the daily frying with very hot straighteners, dying almost fortnightly because of my early greys :( im tryingt to wear it up with no heat after washing all week and just wear it down at weekends, I feel a wee bit prettier with it down, somehow balances my shoulders out!!
back to the topic.. I know im using it as a outlet, We lost 2 babies this year, and the ache and urge to be a mum again was all consuming i needed something else to focus on thats just part of my personality ( I planned our wedding in 4 months previous to this..see i like to have plans and goals hehe)! I feel quite unconfident, if i had long beautiful hair then there would be something about my appearance i'd love ! plus it harms no one, only my messy bathroom with yet more bottles of stuff appearing ! I wouldnt spend more than i could afford,
x

hennaphile
June 23rd, 2009, 03:14 AM
I guess I feel very passionate about hair, like it's art :D

scotishlass
June 23rd, 2009, 03:16 AM
There's nothing wrong with having passions in your life, in my opinion. You might be interested in this thread (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=24276). :)

ETA: Oh, and I really spend little time or money on my hair. There are days when - shhh! - I don't even comb it out. I just shove it in a bun and forget about it. :o

The time I spend on LHC, on the other hand, just might be ridiculous. :wink:

Thank you Teazel, I will check that out :) x

Rapunzal2Be
June 23rd, 2009, 03:43 AM
Well I am very glad to see I am NOT alone, by far!!

When I find something that interests me, I jump right in. Research, buying new things, experimenting, and usually finding a message board on the topic ;).

Like it was already said - as long as I'm not hurting myself or anyone else, and its not interfering with other aspects of my life (money, chores, raising my daughter, taking care of my husband, etc.) and really, I learn more about things which really satisfies me - I don't see a problem with it.

During my husband's deployment I spent a LOT of time on military spouse boards which helped a lot, and joined a weight loss/health improvement site which helped me lose some stubborn pounds, discovered yoga and pilates, started walking for exercise, taught myself to knit and crochet and sew, and since he's been home I've discovered clean eating which I did a lot of research and planning on and then implementing, and now I've found LHC.

So basically, my "obsessions" have led me to develop a circle of supportive friends, lose weight and get into better shape, eat healthier, take supplements, reduce stress, gain a few new hobbies which I greatly enjoy and really destress me, and now my hair and skin look fabulous as well!

Yes, I do think I sometimes get very controlling about my hobbies (at one point I was very obsessive about counting my calories, at another I was very careful not to eat ANYthing processed, and just a month or so ago I was taking hair photos daily and *scrutinizing* them), and at other times I jump in (buying a TON of samples from Chagrin Valley on a whim), and I am always looking for the "magic potion" (I'm trying Lilash right now and want to try Lanadil and currently use Nioxin).

Those are just examples of my personality traits - a bit controlling, impulsive, and a perfectionist.

I don't think I use things as a "crutch" because I think they actually help me deal with issues in my life, not to hide from or ignore them.

Toadstool
June 23rd, 2009, 05:51 AM
I know I do.

For me, my hair is one of the very few things about my body that I find attractive, even if it can annoy the crap out of me. My skin is shot, my nose is big and perpetually covered with a thick, shiny layer of grease, and though my body isn't bad, it does need work.

When my hair looks good, I tend to feel better about myself. So I obsess about it. Sometimes I think that if it weren't for my hair I'd always feel like I'm an unsightly little blemish on the face of the world, if you don't mind a little self-loathing. xD

Helps me focus less on myself...while focusing too much on myself, if that makes sense. The amount of time and money I spend on my hair annoys me, but so does feeling I'm unattractive, so whatever. XD
Glasseyes, that makes me really sad, you look gorgeous to me!

JamieLeigh
June 23rd, 2009, 08:11 AM
I don't think I'm actively "trying" to do this, but I know that it is happening, since there are several things I have been "addicted" to in my life, yet I'm not worrying about them now. I was always so worried about my weight, and what my body looked like. I still fuss over myself some, but the changes I've made there are mostly positive - instead of not eating and exercising too much, I've started a more healthy diet....and that's actually because of my hair. I know that if my diet is healthy and my body is healthy, my hair will be too. It's gotten me to stop drinking so much caffeine (since that stunts hair growth), and to drink more water, which makes me feel better. :)

GlassEyes
June 23rd, 2009, 07:26 PM
Glasseyes, that makes me really sad, you look gorgeous to me!
Thank you, but meh. I have issues. :rolleyes:

Euphony
June 23rd, 2009, 07:40 PM
I think hair is something that we can enjoy and love no matter what our emotional state, health or looks. We can pamper it and it will show visible signs of improvement, which is satisfying.

I am overweight, and my hair is something about me I find can be beautiful and feminine. I suspect - although I don't want to be in any way hurtful on this - that a number of overweight women in real life and on this site *do* take pleasure in their hair because of similar reasons. That it can be long, luscious and beautiful and feminine which is a pleasure when you are overweight and society is so image-conscious. That it can be a visual thing which brings us pleasure and makes us feel good about ourselves.
I'm in the same boat. I'm a 22/24 and now that I have long, healthy, pretty hair - I'm no longer the fat chick. I'm the woman with the long, pretty hair :D - that description I like a lot better!

I also have an addictive personality. When I do something I tend to do it to the extreme, I research, study and experiment. I also tend to not do things unless I do them extremely well - my hair is really no exception.

redneckprincess
June 23rd, 2009, 08:44 PM
hair health and growth is the by far my best obsession so far, lol

BranwenWolf
June 23rd, 2009, 10:05 PM
Yes, but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I have low self-esteem and pampering my hair is a way of being good to myself.

shadowclaw
June 24th, 2009, 09:54 PM
I wouldn't say I use my hair to escape or neglect the real world. I have other hobbies for that ;) Like a few people posted, I'm overweight and having long, pretty hair is one of the few things that make me feel good about myself. Going off track slightly, one thing that really bothers me is when big women cut their hair very short. To me, it emphasizes the fact that they're big, while long hair draws attention away from the weight.

Returning back to the subject at hand, my hair makes me feel beautiful, and I think that's a good thing. I like taking "me time" to pamper my hair and relax. I think a lot of women have something that they do just for them. It could be collecting every shoe under the sun, shopping at Victoria's Secret, getting manicures or pedicures, doing yoga... for me, it's fussing over my hair.