Is acceptance hard for anyone else?

[whiteisle]

I've tried, really I have, to accept my natural texture and honestly I just hate it. My hair may be healthier but it I don't like the way it looks. I've tried most of the popular care routines mentioned here (CO,WO, cones, no cones, etc....) and nothing seems to make me happy with my hair. And what really makes it awful looking in my opinon is air drying it. Frizz City! and I've tried the recommended remedies with no success.

I'm just venting I suppose but was wondering if I was the only one having trouble makig peace with their hair.

[Themyst]

In the end, I suppose we just have to accept what we have to work with. I already know that if a disaster happens and I am with a band of people wandering around for a couple of weeks without bathing water, I will look horrid and greasy and stringy. Others from this board would still have beautiful, bouncy hair.

Can you post a pic of your hair?

ETA: Silly me, I see it's in your sig pic. It's nice! What on earth are you talking about?!!

[Copasetic]

I definitely have trouble accepting my natural hair texture. Since I have decided to stop straightening it, I NEVER wear my hair down. I just try to remind myself of all the time I am saving, all the damage I am preventing, and how great my hair will hopefully look when it is really long.

[GlennaGirl]

Yes. I can't accept my hair's natural color. Or non-color. Or...I can "accept" it, meaning I obviously can't change what naturally grows out of my head. But I can't make myself like it.

We all have our pet peeves.

[Cherry_Sprinkle]

The only thing I found that really helped the texture of my hair was a combo of oil and aloe gel.. i mixed them together in the palm of my hand and smoothed over my hair when damp.. it helped a lot when I air dried and the oil kept my frizz at bay without making it oily.. the gel acted like a ... well.. gel lol... it didn't matter what method I used to wash my hair, it was all about what I did to it after I washed it... I'm curly enough for frizz and fly aways to be a BIG issue but not curly enough for my liking to just air dry with little oil. If I bun dry it (it takes all day) it usually helps a little, are you able to bun dry?

but your hair in your signature pic looks beautiful.. I don't see any texture issues!! :)

[freznow]

If I hadn't made peace with my hair, it'd disintegrate by this length.

I encourage you to keep trying, but if something works for you that isn't "LHC approved", go ahead and use your own judgment. There are people here who blow dry, some straighten, whatever. If it makes you happy, in that you reach your hair goal AND enjoy your hair and what you do to it, then that's what you should do.

[girlcat36]

I really, really WANT to love my hair, but I just can't. I have such a hard time accepting the frizz, slow-growth, thinness....
I would love to have 'effortless' hair; hair that just grows easily, and looks decent everyday without having to fight it.

[whiteisle]

In the end, I suppose we just have to accept what we have to work with. I already know that if a disaster happens and I am with a band of people wandering around for a couple of weeks without bathing water, I will look horrid and greasy and stringy. Others from this board would still have beautiful, bouncy hair.

Can you post a pic of your hair?

ETA: Silly me, I see it's in your sig pic. It's nice! What on earth are you talking about?!!

:o My siggy is after blow-drying......sinner, sinner, sinner!

[Flotsum]

I think I could accept my hair better if it was just one texture. Fighting with 2and 3 textures is annoying not to mention sometime hard to style. For me anyway.

[Themyst]

:o My siggy is after blow-drying......sinner, sinner, sinner!

Hey, I blow dry my hair all the time! :p It would look horrid if I air dried it. I use the warm setting and don't get my hair very hot. :)

Just do what works for you!

[manderly]

Keep in mind that at the length you are at, accepting a wavy/wurly/curly pattern can be downright impossible, because it's still too short to work itself out properly :)

You may find you are more accepting when you reach longer lengths and your hair has more length and weight to cooperate :)

I certainly didn't wear my hair natural when I was your length.

ETA: I still don't wear my hair naturally. I modify it while damp to air dry the way I want it. My sig pic is wet set hair, and my profile pic is using my soft waves (twisting) method. I never just let my hair dry. :)

[demitasse]

You're definitely not alone. There are plenty of curlies and wurlies here who have had to go through that/are going through that.

I'm a wurlie with super frizz and a very oily scalp. I straightened every day all the way through high school and college. And I mean a hot, hot, hot heavy duty flat iron. Eventually chopped off a lot of heat damaged hair. When I started reading LHC, I started trying the different methods: CO, CWC, everything. It took me a year to find something that finally worked for me. ('poo, cone-free conditioner, and coconut oil.) It's still not perfect and I'm still dealing with frizz on humid days, coarse texture, etc.

But before you can even begin to deal with the care of your natural texture, I think you have to come to terms with the fact that we don't have straight hair and we'll never have naturally straight hair. It was much easier for me to find a routine that worked once I came to grips with the fact that I'd never have both completely healthy, natural hair AND straight hair. It was either ditch the blow dryer and the flat iron or keep straightening and keep my hair APL-ish.

There's no magic answer someone can tell you. I see lots of 2b/2C / M/C / iii here like me but I know what works for them won't necessarily work for me. Unfortunately, I can't say: "You have wavy hair, this is how you take care of it," and you'll never see a single strand of frizz again. That's why I've found LHC to be such an invaluable resource in dealing with my hair. Everyday, pages and pages of suggestions, ideas, tips, and experiences are shared that I can incorporate and from which I can learn.

It's been a long day and I'm rambling but if you're going to reach out to anyone about learning how to deal with your natural texture, this is the place to do it. Believe me, you can have natural waves without being a ball of frizz everyday. But you to begin, you have to want to have those waves and not give up until you've learned how to take care of them. You're definitely not alone here. :)

[Kirin]

I'm a rebel, dag nabbit!

I refuse to "make peace" with my hair. I've tried, but if I don't feel I look good, its my hair, and I am the one that has to wear it. I feel no guilt whatsoever in saying so and doing what makes me feel pretty.

[Natalia]

I have two textures of hair and that drives me nuts! If i could have all straight id have to deal with the same limpness so fine i'll deal as long as it were all straight so i wouldnt have to strighten it! Im kind of inbetween about my curly spots. Im not a true spiral curn but its enough to tangle and its more than a wave... I love the look of big loose spirals on long hair and i think it would be worth the effort but i wouldnt have that anyway with my diky little spot.... Ugh i get fustrated as well. Im trying to learn to make variosu types of braid waves becasu emy hair will probably never be entierly straight or even slightly wavy. That inbetweenes drives me insane! After this i'll try bun waves but i cant seem to get them even or pretty. Im sad about myhair but happily waiting on a reply from the swap board :D fingers crosses XXX

[Darian Moone]

I'm having a hard time with my hair texture. It used to be stick straight and smooth and shiny, but as I'm getting older and getting more and more (and more!) greys, the strands are becoming thick, wiry and wiggly (I wouldn't exactly call it wavy). I don't like it at all and fight like crazy to keep the same look I used to have. Eventually, as my hair gets longer, I'll probably opt for braid waves when I wear my hair down ala Eowyn in the LOTR. It's a look I can live with. ;) (Now to just get the length!)

[Hairtada]

It took me over 50 years but I finally like my hair and accept it for the frizzy mess it is.

[Hairbear]

It may be that years of blow drying, cones etc has altered the texture of your hair. The hair is sort of addicted to this treatment. It could be just a case of toughing it out until the "true" hair grows out.

[talullah]

I don't accept my hair's natural texture. I've tried for a few years now, and I just hate the way it makes me look when it's natural (2a bumps and lumps). :shrug: So I blowdry it straight, and I LOVE it. Straight, smooth hair makes me happy. Again, :shrug:

[horseprincess]

yeah I get jealous of people who have really nice, effortless hair... even when the do mean stuff to it! I wish I had my hair before it was damaged. oh well... =[

[Debra83]

my first attempt failed. This is the first week of my 2nd attempt. We'll see how it goes!!!

[Roseate]

I agree with Manderly above- near shoulder is a very difficult length for most wavies; you may find you like your natural texture more as you gain a little length. My hair was a disaster at shoulder length. Total frizz triangle!

I say, blowdry gently if that makes you happier with it now, but revisit it from time to time and see how you like it as it gets longer- don't assume that because it's crazy air-dried now, it will always be crazy.

[zen_oven]

You're not alone. I used to hate my hair. It just seemed too wild and it drove me nuts--I never felt like it looked good. That has changed since joining LHC and finding some care techniques that helped make it more manageable. I've actually learned to love my big tumble of hair. I have my days when I'm not happy with it, but most of the time I like it.

Not sure I have any advice, but it may just be a matter of tweaking your routines/products until you feel more satisfied with your hair. Keeping a hair blog or paper journal helps. It took me a while to figure out what worked best, but I got there.

[shadowclaw]

I don't particularly hate my texture... I am ok with fine, thin, straight hair. I often wish for curls or thick lovely waves, but at the end of the day, I appreciate that it's reasonably healthy (still have split ends) and looks good. What I find hard to accept is my color.

For quite a long time, I wanted to be something other than a blue-eyed blonde. My favorite hair colors have always been deep unnatural red, auburn, and black. I experimented with temporary dyes in high school and tried on various shades of natural-looking red. Didn't like them. I wanted to go darker, but didn't have the nerve. I tried blue on as well. When I was 19, I finally did the deed and dyed it black... which was a big mistake. My hair loved the dye, but I couldn't deal with roots, so I went back to blonde. My hair hasn't been the same since.

Now my roots are coming in much darker than they used to. It's most likely my family's curse of starting out with light blonde hair and gradually darkening to dark blonde/brown. Maybe it's because I don't spend a lot of time in the sun. Whatever the case, now that the blonde is darkening, I want golden hair! For a while, I thought I could live with what nature gave me, but a few weeks ago, I caved and bought a box of hair color from Walmart and did all the darker hair. The top of my head is somewhat reddish now, but is slowly fading to a more blonde color. I know it's not good for my hair, but I hate the color that my hair is turning!

[Honey39]

I have major frizz and all that so I sympathise (although you've got lovely hair!). I am finding that the longer my hair gets, the better it looks. I was looking at pics last night, and now my hair is mid-back when curly, it hangs so much better because the weight is dragged down, and it's less mad frizz, which is was at shoulder length!

[Carolyn]

I don't accept my silvers. I color them and love it how it looks when it's colored. I also find it hard to accept my 1C wave pattern. I'd love it if it was stick straight. I wear it up a lot and do bun waves sometimes. I straighten it once in a while so I can enjoy it for a day the way I truly love it.

[hennaphile]

Not with my texture, but with what's left.

[AnneAdeline]

A lot of people want what they can't have, and I'm no exception. I'm still hoping my hair will turn red and curly. No luck, my roots are still straight and light brown.
I am currently trying to grow out my colored hair, but part of me knows that I won't make it.

At your length, most people struggle with their hair. As your hair gets longer, it will get easier to deal with. For now, have you tried updos? Something that I am fond of is French/Dutch braids. You can wear those for a day, then have pretty waves the next day.

[thankyousir74]

I also agree with manderly. Although I toughed it out, the shoulder length is a hard milestone to accept for wavies and wurlies. Much less the awkward stage :shudder: But Idk, for me just the idea that no hair type is more special than the other greatly helped, and it's worth noting that your natural hair color naturally goes best with the way YOUR face/skin/eyes do. This being said I still use henna, so in the end it's about YOU and YOUR feelings about the way YOU want to look. LHC is, after all, a guide to haircare, not the way you have to live your life :3

[handsclean]

I hardly ever wear my hair down anymore, since I stopped straightening. It just gets so frizzy! I've been trying to work with the curl, though, and since I've been trying I've gone from 2b to almost 3a! So now when I wear it down, I put some curl product in it and I get nice spirals :) I think the product might be drying, though, so I try not to use it a lot. I think once my hair gets longer (like, 20 inches longer) and I find a good defrizzer, it might be a nice texture. But for now.. :S

[ReddishRocks]

Keep in mind that at the length you are at, accepting a wavy/wurly/curly pattern can be downright impossible, because it's still too short to work itself out properly :)

You may find you are more accepting when you reach longer lengths and your hair has more length and weight to cooperate :)

I certainly didn't wear my hair natural when I was your length.

ETA: I still don't wear my hair naturally. I modify it while damp to air dry the way I want it. My sig pic is wet set hair, and my profile pic is using my soft waves (twisting) method. I never just let my hair dry. :)

I found the same to be true of my curl pattern. It doesn't cooperate well until I'm about APL. I wouldn't say I wear my hair "naturally" either at even this length! I scrunch in leave-in, gel, and I sometimes pixie-curl diffuse to get my hair bouncing. :) I'm always a little envious of the girls here who wash and go, but with curly hair in a dry climate like mine, it's really not an option. ;)

Hair should make you happy - and if you're happy blow drying, go for it! If you're using a good protectant, then you won't damage it as much. Life's too short to be constantly frustrated by your hair!

[JamieLeigh]

It took me 15 years to become happy with my hair the way it is. (I'm taking off the first 13 years of my life, because I never started really caring about my appearance until I was a teen) I always blow-fried it straight, and completely fought against everything natural my hair was trying to do for itself.

Now that I'm here on LHC, and I've tried a few things, I've decided I love it the way it is, and I'm encouraging it to be as natural as possible. I am currently CO (since January), and unfortunately I can't go any more natural than that...my hair did not do well with WO at all. :(

But I have no color, no perming, just 100% natural virgin hair at classic, and I'm pretty darn happy. :D

[Islandgrrl]

I'm not thrilled with the texture of my hair at all. Never have been. It will grow super long and lush and be healthy - I have no problem with that. But I will never have the smooth, shiny hair I've always coveted - think Emichiee's hair - that gorgeous glasslike quality. I have coarse weird frizzy hair that while mostly straight has these weird little isolated wurly spots - it's very inconsistent.

I could have the hair of my dreams if I straightened it (which I do once in a great while when an occasion demands - like my bro's wedding). Problem with that, besides the insane amount of damage I would have if I did it all the time, is that I'm basically a lazy slug when it comes to haircare. So I settle for mostly effortless length.

So I accept that my hair isn't perfect, but still from time to time, wish that it was!

[Curlsgirl]

It took me a good while too to be at peace with my hair. That doesn't mean I LOVE the way it looks all the time (does anyone?) but overall I have decided it's mine and it's all I have (hair-wise anyway!) The less I fight with it to make it something it's not the more I like it. Now, the color, that's a different horse. I don't know if I will ever be ready for gray/light brown mixed hair. I will keep highlighting as long as I am able and if it means I have to keep my hair trimmed to waist then I will do that.

Agree totally that shoulder-length and shorter was very hard for me as a wurly/curly. It got SO much easier at BSL. At the shorter lengths I wore a peacock twist a LOT or a french braid. That kept me from triangle head which I had majorly until the length started to pull it down!

[spidermom]

My hair is a lot easier to accept now that it's so long. At shoulder length - no way. It looked like a pyramid. I still blow-dry it on warm/cool occasionally because I love how smooth it becomes, and it's a lot easier to keep detangled like that. I also use product to tame the frizzies - aloe vera gel & oil, coney serum, and even styling putty stroked sparingly over the really stubborn surface sproingers. Not many of us can merely wash and air dry, then have great-looking hair.

[concrescence]

Yes, it's hard for me. My hair is not quite APL, and I have been trying to embrace air-drying, but unless I let it drip dry without any touching or squeezing at all (like for hair-typing), my hair becomes some combination of both frizzy and flat. And, I can't let it drip dry because it takes 8 hours.

The other problem is that I'm having trouble classifying my hair. When I did the hair-typing, It was a lot of great s-waves and a few spirals, all smooth and shiny and soft, but my hair is never like that normally. Even just combing my hair in or after the shower takes out a good bit of the wave. Most days I have some waves, some straight pieces, a spiral here or there sticking out at an odd angle, and a halo of frizz.

I'm experimenting with plopping right now, but it's likely that I'll go back to daily blowdrying (on warm/low setting) until my hair is past APL. I grew my hair once to about waist length before (back in high school) with daily washing and blowdrying, so I don't see when I can't do it again.

[Armelle]

I chopped off my waist length hair about a decade ago (since I thought it would be more practical after having a child) and ended up with scary curly mushroom head. Oh no! I had somehow forgotten that my hair looks horrible when short and it seemed that age or pregnancy had altered the composition of my hair to be even more curly. Yuck! (And the color dulled, double yuck!)

I have to wonder though, does anyone really have "effortless" hair? Mine is only effortless because I don't put any effort into it. It's lucky to be brushed! :p But I work at a very casual office, so no one here cares what I look like.

[feralnature]

I have seen enough women going bald because of unfortunate genetics that I love, love, love the raggedy hair that is growing out of my head. I love every split end, every old dyed-red end, every dried-out damaged end, every grey hair, every stringy strand.

It is all beautiful to me :)

[Heidi_234]

OF COURSE it looks better blow fried, flat ironed, styled with hot curlers. If they weren't working so well they weren't so popular. Ever since I was little I craved for 1a straight thick hair, I still do. It's part of the reason I grow it long, so that the hair will straighten some under it's own weigth and stop being so frizzy and puffy (btw, it's already long enough now, which makes me super happy). I told myself that blow drying is not an option. Of course, i'm so lazy, that it was easier for me to convice myself I don't need the hussle of blow drying it after every single wash. But I still have the urge, like many other here, I like it smooth and lovely. But it's just a quick fix, you can't keep straightening it forever.
I learned to work with my curls. I promise you, the longer it gets, the easier it becomes. I can imagine above shoulder can be rather unbearable at times, but it can only get better from here. :)

[feralnature]

Let me be so bold as to say that my siggy pic looks remarkably like Heidi_234's avatar, even with all my above stated "problems" :)

[heidihug]

Problem with that, besides the insane amount of damage I would have if I did it all the time, is that I'm basically a lazy slug when it comes to haircare. So I settle for mostly effortless length.

That's me, too, Islandgrrl. Most people refuse to believe that it takes me about 2 minutes and under to do most of the lazy styles that I wear everyday. Long hair is effortless hair for me. I have even recently given up curling my fringe. Not because of any potential damage, but because it is long enough now to gather into my updos. And that reinforces my laziness.

I find my hair behaves much better when I put in leave-in's after washing - essential oils like carnation, sometimes Infusium, sometimes spray conditioners. There is less "float" and waftiness as it air dries, then.

The only thing I will not accept about my hair is my natural color and graying. Chemical coloring is the price I pay for my vanity. I'm glad I only have to do it every couple of months!

[HeatherJenae]

This probably won't be the normal reply to your question but I decided to stop fighting my natural texture and change it! I had mine permanently straightened since I was killing it with blow drying and straightening every other day. Honestly, I'm positive it's going to make my hair healthier in the end since I'm not putting it through all that stress. I finally have wash and go hair with absolutely no frizzies. My profile pic is shampoo, conditioner, comb, air dry. No blow dryer, no straightener. If I had done that before my chemical straightening, it would have been a frizzy wavy disaster. And it honestly really made me self conscious and I didn't feel very confident when it was like that. So, I guess I'm saying, loving what God gave you is great, but sometimes, you'll be happier just grabbing the reigns and changing. Good luck in however you decide to cope with your hair! :)

[UP Lisa]

I have a problem with my hair being so baby-fine, tangly, and fragile. Also wish it was thicker in the front.

[rhubarbarin]

I don't adore everything about my hair every day, but I am pretty happy with it. I do however have 17 years of awful hair under my belt and I felt miserable about it for a long time.

You are allowed to compromise! If you hate the way your hair looks without blowdrying - blowdry it! Unless you absolutely want to have hair as long as it can grow as fast as possible, it's not a problem. You are at a really tricky length right now where it just wants to fly all over. You will adjust your routine and different things will work for you as you grow longer. But if you are still blowdrying with hip-length hair and that's what makes you happiest, then that is great.

If I was, say, WO just because I felt I 'should' because it was the natural way to do things and I should accept that this was what my hair looked like when it was natural.. I would hate my hair. My hair looks and feels best when I shampoo it regularly with SLS and use a ton of products. It's not the right thing for some but it works great for me.