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View Full Version : Pressure From Family + Your Opinions On Products



PHOENIX MOON
June 14th, 2009, 08:41 AM
Hey all,
Long time no post from me!
As a happy sebum (and sweet almond oil, with washing only pre henna) only/no water person. I have complaints from family that my current method is:
a) Unhygienic.
b) Makes my hair smell.
c) That my scalp will be more suseptable to diseases.

All above I refute constantly. My scalp likes its sebum only, and my hair is g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s compared with a shampoo and condition everyday routine I had before being with LHC.

However, family have then taken my points and bought shampoos to counteract the dryness of my scalp (which really will make it worse!). They have bought me Selsun (a medicated shampoo) and Baby Shampoo. Can I have your opinions and reviews on these please? I dont particularly want to use them and my hair condition go back to square 1!!!

~*Phoenix Moon*~

Fractalsofhair
June 14th, 2009, 09:04 AM
My suggestion is take the shampoo, put it in the shower, and leave it there. Don't use it. Medicated shampoos help with dandruff not dryness. If they're around when you're showering, do a WO wash, or just dampen your hair so they think you've washed it. Occasionally pour out the shampoos so they think you've used some if they check that sort of thing. Make sure your hair doesn't smell(Ask an honest friend, even if they don't know you SO, just ask them if your hair smells), and don't tell them you don't shampoo. If your hair starts to smell, try CO only or WO, or an occasional shampoo. Just tell them you're using the shampoos and you prefer the other method, but your hair is fine with them, even if you're SO all the time. If you have really dry hair and want to try shampoo/conditioner, I like Alaffia, works wonders on my hair, a little pricey though. I LOVE their conditioner though.

Furiana
June 14th, 2009, 09:16 AM
How long did it take you to transition, and how hard was it?

Have you used shampoo and had to re-transition again? (If so, how did that go?)

If were able to transition back to WO easily, you might use the shampoo just so your family members can see the difference it makes to your scalp. That way they can see for themselves that neither the Selsun nor the baby shampoo help (assuming they don't - it's always possible that they will!). Once they see that shampoo really doesn't work well for you, they might be more open to other ideas.

And remember: if you humor them, that doesn't mean you gave up; you're still in control of yourself and your hair, and can return to WO whenever you will.

Fethenwen
June 14th, 2009, 09:23 AM
How long did it take you to transition, and how hard was it?

Have you used shampoo and had to re-transition again? (If so, how did that go?)

If were able to transition back to WO easily, you might use the shampoo just so your family members can see the difference it makes to your scalp. That way they can see for themselves that neither the Selsun nor the baby shampoo help (assuming they don't - it's always possible that they will!). Once they see that shampoo really doesn't work well for you, they might be more open to other ideas.

And remember: if you humor them, that doesn't mean you gave up; you're still in control of yourself and your hair, and can return to WO whenever you will.
I think using shampoo would take her to square one wouldn't it?

Don't use the shampoo if you don't want too, it's that simple. If you are really happy with your hair the way it is.

You mentioned dry scalp. Have you tried conditioner only? Or some treatment, like (conditioner or oil)/honey/EO treatment for your scalp?

Furiana
June 14th, 2009, 09:33 AM
It depends on the individual whether or not it takes her back to square 1, and how bad square 1 really is!

Some gals needed two months or more to transition; using shampoo would be a really bad idea for them. Others only needed a couple weeks, and those couple weeks weren't bad.

Still others found it easier to return to WO than to transition in the first place; the second transition was much shorter and easier. :)

If PHOENIX_MOON knows she belongs to that third category, then using shampoo wouldn't be a big deal! For me, a couple days of wacky hair would be worth proving my point, but then, I'm a stubborn one. ;) But if using shampoo would mean a nightmarish re-transition period, then I definitely wouldn't try it. It's very individual. :shrug:

Dyan
June 14th, 2009, 09:52 AM
To me, this isn't a question of whether using the shampoos will take you back to square one in your hair care. I think this is more a matter of what your ability to make your own choices. So yes, you could use the shampoos in the hopes of proving to your family that you're right and they're not. But should you really be put in that position? Family should love us unconditionally, and that means that occassionally they will have to accept a firm 'no' as a response when they want you to do something to your hair or body.

Btw, I don't think their choice in shampoos are a good "compromise" if that's what everyone (you and your family) is striving for. A so-called medicated, over the counter shampoo is as about as far from the purity of water only as one could get.

Carolyn
June 14th, 2009, 10:17 AM
Why are you discussing your hair care habits with others? I've found that's a big mistake. I'd take the shampoo they gave you and put it in the shower as someone else said. You could use the baby shampoo for shower gel. Baby shampoo is harsh. It's made to help with cradle cap and it also has something in it to prevent eye irritation. It should be fine for a body wash and you could dilute it some. Have you thought about trying CO washing? A lot have good success with that.

Blue Willow
June 14th, 2009, 10:43 AM
ok just my thoughts..if youre having a problem with flaking then your scalp is producing more oil then it needs..the medication slows up the buildup of excess oil..so adding more oil to your hair would make this situation even worse IMO..what you need to do is remove some of the oil and balance the scalp..this is just a suggestion but if I was having lots of issues with the health of my scalp I would change my regimen and I would use a non soap based shampoo with no petro chemicals (for example AO Blue Camomile Shampoo) and I would wash my hair no less than 3 to 4 times per week..making sure to use a good conditioner like AO's Blue Camomile Conditioner each time. I wouldnt use an oil unless it was on the last 2/3 of my hair (m/b once a month)..Id probably opt for AO's conditoner Island's Natural or perhaps something mint based as a better choice then oil at this point..
The reason I'm recommending this regimen is this is what worked for me when I had this same problem..I followed the dr's suggestions at first and it only seemed to get worse ..so I decided to reason it out and do some exp;eriementing and I found this regimen worked amazing for me..it took about 2 years for my scalp to cure itself..and to this day..over 10 years later I enjoy great looking hair without any issues with my scalp..I also have reduced my shampoo to about twice per week ..which works well for me at this point..Good Luck, I hope you find something that works well for you!

Debra83
June 14th, 2009, 10:52 AM
Okay, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. Normally people don't get worked up about something on somebody else's body, unless it really is a problem. Especially people you care about. What if your hair really does smell? What if your dry scalp is flaking, so now you look flakey AND your hair smells? That can't be nice. If they were moved enough with concern to actually go out and buy something to combat your problem (that is their problem too considering if it smells when you are around them) maybe there REALLY is a problem.

I work in the public, and especially in the summer, people come in with body odour that could knock you over, or bad breath is another common one. I am not comfortable with these people to say something...but if it was someone I loved, I definitely would.

Deimos
June 14th, 2009, 10:59 AM
You and only you are responsible for your hair and if you like it that way you should continue doing it. Your family probably has your best intrests at heart when saying those things :)
Maybe you should find an objective individual to ask if your hair smells bad or not? Just to be sure.
Also I really don't see how not shampooing your hair makes you more susceptible for diseases though.

Dyan
June 14th, 2009, 11:11 AM
Okay, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. Normally people don't get worked up about something on somebody else's body, unless it really is a problem.

Sometimes people simply become meddlesome and manipulative. They think you have to live by their rules because they, and only they, know what's right.

My mother was a saint. She only gave her opinion about my hair, clothing, life style if I asked. And even then, I had to really push her for more than 'it's your hair; you should do what you want.' My grandmother on the other hand....... I love her dearly and miss her everyday (she passed away several years ago), but she drove everyone in the family nuts because she could NOT keep her nose out of our business. Grandma lived next door to us, and she knew exactly what cars were in our driveway and when they were there. Or the many, many times that mom and I would be walking with Grandma and she'd be running her hand up and down our backs. Grandma wasn't being loving and showing affection. She was checking for bra straps. Mind you, my choice in undergarments is about as personal of an issue as you can get. But if she caught me without one, I'd get a lecture even though I never once asked 'Grandma, do I look okay without a bra?'

I'm the people who suggest taking the shampoos, then not using them on your hair. If it's a real issue for your family, then a little white lie might do a world of good. Besides, if they think you're using what they want and if they suddenly find your hair looks and smells better, then you just got the answer to your question......... it wasn't your hair; it was them.

Fractalsofhair
June 14th, 2009, 11:11 AM
Debra83- If it does smell, then shampooing with a gentle shampoo and a heavy conditioner might help her. People's perfumes bother me and I get hives/my throat closes off/I have to go to the doctor ASAP(About once every 4 months) or the ER(once)/ I feel horrid and dizzy for the rest of the day and flunk my tests and thus get Ds as my term grade as opposed to A+s. On a good day, I just feel crappy and sneeze a lot, and pass my classes. However, many people do become upset if someone doesn't follow the social norms for hair care. That's the likely case with the OP. Telling people you don't use shampoo daily leads to odd reactions, just as when I've told people I don't always use deodorant or that I don't flat iron my hair, even if they can't see a problem with your body the way it is. My aunt buys me hair straighteners since she thinks they're good for my hair and that curly hair is gross. She doesn't probably object to a lot of curly hair, she just doesn't think it looks good on me or on her(I'm somewhere in the 1-2 range) and she wants my hair to be healthy. Probably the OP's family has this stance that shampoo is healthy for hair.

In anycase, OP, ask someone you trust to be honest if your hair smells and or looks unhealthy. We can have our own biased opinions that are inaccurate.

andrea1982
June 14th, 2009, 11:33 AM
Just my two cents.. I second the suggestion that you ask an honest friend if your hair smells, without telling her anything about your hair care habits. If she agrees with your family, you could try adding some cleansing essential oils to the oil you use for your hair and massage it into your scalp and hair, then brush to distribute. Tea tree oil, sage, rosemary, all would work really well. If you have sensitive skin, you may want to do a patch test first to make sure you're not sensitive to them.

watermelon
June 14th, 2009, 12:34 PM
I think that if you're contemplating using products on your hair, and if the sebum-only routine is somewhat flawed to you, you should seek a natural shampoo and conditioner rather than a commercial or medicated one. Try a shampoo bar or the baking soda method that so many people adhere to. Do your research before giving in to what your family has provided you with in terms of hair care.

minkstole
June 14th, 2009, 01:02 PM
I agree with Carolyn about not discussing your haircareroutine with anyone. It will only cause you grief.
However, if someone complains about your hair being smelly, sort if out. You don´t have to shampoo if you don´t want to. You could do tea rinses, add essesial oil, use baking soda once a month, etc. There are other options.

Roseate
June 14th, 2009, 01:30 PM
As a happy sebum (and sweet almond oil, with washing only pre henna) only/no water person. I have complaints from family that my current method is:
a) Unhygienic.
b) Makes my hair smell.
c) That my scalp will be more suseptable to diseases.

All above I refute constantly. My scalp likes its sebum only, and my hair is g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s compared with a shampoo and condition everyday routine I had before being with LHC.

However, family have then taken my points and bought shampoos to counteract the dryness of my scalp (which really will make it worse!). They have bought me Selsun (a medicated shampoo) and Baby Shampoo. Can I have your opinions and reviews on these please? I dont particularly want to use them and my hair condition go back to square 1!!!


Of your family's complaints, b) is the only one I would take notice of- I like someone's previous suggestion of calling in a neutral third party to check it out. Scalp odor can be a sign of fungal infection or other nasties that you really don't want to let get away from you. Especially since you mention problems with dry scalp- could be nothing, could be a sign of something.

Even if it is a sign of something, I'll bet you can get better tips here for improving it without using those harsh shampoos. Selsun only made my scalp problems worse, and baby shampoo is very alkaline and drying.

Nevermore
June 14th, 2009, 01:48 PM
I wouldn't use either shampoo they got you, both are really hard on your hair and scalp. If you want to please them by using shampoo, give them a list of natural/SLS-free shampoos you'd be willing to use or conditioners you might want to try for CO.

Get a neutral party's opinion about your smell. If you do have an unpleasant odor, you might want to change something in your routine (not necessarily shampooing, but scalp washing with CO monthly or something). People don't always notice their own smell-my brother has horrific breath that's enough to clear a room in one yawn, but he never notices.

Is it possible that your family is smelling the henna? Some people say it smells like rotting grass to them, so your family might smell that and assume they're smelling your hair.

PHOENIX MOON
June 15th, 2009, 03:31 PM
Hey all,
Thankyou for your swift responses.

I have asked a few different people at different times regarding whether my hair smells (all of them brutally honest), say my hair doesnt smell or says it smells nice/gorgeous.
I have found a shampoo I use just before henna'ring (Treseme salon silk), not a bad transition, even after I use their conditioner to remove the small fine bits of the henna. I just add a small bit of sweet almond oil on the ends if they are dry, and to prevent fly away. The shampoo and conditioner is good, and I have told them about it. But I feel it is the hard water that badly affects my scalp and hair (as it also affects my skin and other physical complaints!)

Thankyou all for your responses. I think I might try a harvest test of the shampoos they bought me just to see how it affects my hair. Then a patch test (inside elbow crease) to see how it could affect my scalp.

~*Phoenix*~

Furiana
June 15th, 2009, 03:48 PM
Best of luck! Let us know how it all works out :flowers:

Natalia
June 15th, 2009, 04:10 PM
I tend to be on the stubborn side of things and i say do whatever you like. If you like you routine be adamant. Not particularly argumentative since people tend to hold on to their opinion if "cleanliness" rather tightly :rolleyes:. People have differances of opinions and sometimes some people are more stubbornly clinging to a particular standard than others. Im sure you dont stink, and im certain your not unhygenic lol. Compromise and keeping their mouth shut arent always peoples strong points :p.

So theres basicly two ways to go passive or like a bull in the rodeo. I am more the rodeo type and people knwo not to mess with me :p but passive certainly has it place. Whatever you choose iw ish you luck and happy hair and scalp!

Fractalsofhair
June 15th, 2009, 07:45 PM
If it's the hard water, try an ACV/WV rinse. You put a spoonful or so of vinegar in a cup or so of water and rinse your hair with it. Some people rinse it out, some people leave it in. It's often done if people use shampoo bars.

Aries_jb
June 15th, 2009, 07:47 PM
I doubt the shampoos they gave you will help the residual issues you're having with your current routine. Hard water, like you suspect, can do a number on your hair and skin. Figuring out a why to counteracts its effects would probably be most beneficial to you. I have a filter on my shower head and while it doesn't soften the water, it removes a lot of minerals and makes my hair and body products work better. Think about installing one and see if it helps.

As for your family, I agree that sharing your routine with them is not a good idea. I learned that with my family as well. My mom will compliment my hair and in the same breath tell me I need to wash it more with a good strong sulfate-laden shampoo. I find it works both ways because I have to fight myself not to tell her that her flat iron is frying her hair and the cone-filled products she's using are just masking the problem. We now co-exist happily in blissful ignorance :).

Nat242
June 15th, 2009, 08:04 PM
Your body and grooming regime are your domain. I wouldn't include others in the specific of your routine, unless they ask and unless you trust them to be open-minded.

If you're certain that your family aren't trying to address an odour issue, I'd just humour them, or tell them to back off (depending on how pushy they are).

If you're happy with your regime and if there is no unpleasant odour disturbing others, keep up with it.

bugeyedmonster2
June 15th, 2009, 10:07 PM
However, family have then taken my points and bought shampoos to counteract the dryness of my scalp (which really will make it worse!). They have bought me Selsun (a medicated shampoo) and Baby Shampoo. Can I have your opinions and reviews on these please? I dont particularly want to use them and my hair condition go back to square 1!!!

~*Phoenix Moon*~


Well, you could always donate the shampoos to charity...

bugeyedmonster2
June 15th, 2009, 10:14 PM
I think I might try a harvest test of the shampoos they bought me just to see how it affects my hair. Then a patch test (inside elbow crease) to see how it could affect my scalp.

~*Phoenix*~




Do the patch test more than once. I found out that with a new shampoo, it wouldn't bug me until the second or third time I used it.

Bene
June 15th, 2009, 10:21 PM
it's a little too late for this, but maybe it would have been better to not discuss certain hygienic practices with people who would be intolerant about them. i don't wash my hair every single day. i have friends who are strict every day washers. i don't tell them my hair washing routine because i know that they would think it was dirty. they love my hair and the way it smells, always playing guessing games with my conditioner and hair goo, i just don't tell them that it's not freshly washed. none of their business. what they don't know won't hurt them :D


on the other hand, my sister would go weeks at a time without washing her hair and it would smell really really bad. actually, i'm not sure if she would go that long (i never asked), but judging from the greasiness and the odor, it seemed like weeks between washes. she really did not notice that she stank. being that she and i don't get along very well, i'd let her go around being stinky. if i cared more, i would've taken her aside and told her "look, you NEED to wash your hair more often"

shakin_m
June 15th, 2009, 10:32 PM
I think if YOU and YOUR hair are happy with a routine that you've found that works for you, then tell em to leave you alone and quit with their unwanted opinions. I say, wrap up the shampoos they bought you and give em back as birthday/xmas gifts and turn it into a joke but with the point known that you aren't interested, but without having to be point blank rude.

shakin_m
June 15th, 2009, 10:34 PM
PS- I would be interested in seeing pix of your hair, to see how your routine works for you:)

Flynn
June 15th, 2009, 10:39 PM
Put them in the shower, maybe tip a little out occasionally, and don't use them. See what they say.

If your current routine is really working for you, why change it?

RancheroTheBee
June 15th, 2009, 11:02 PM
Well, on one hand I do agree that perhaps they've tried to intervene for a reason; perhaps they really don't like the smell. And that's fine. They're entitled to their own opinion.

That said, I think their choice of shampoo was a little weird. Medicated? Baby? Say wha? Why on earth would you need medicated shampoo, when you just admitted that your hair and scalp feel fantastic? I mean, obviously if you had flakes and sores, you would have told us. Ha, besides, those two shampoos are pretty harsh. If you ever felt like going back, sounds like you should stick to CO or natural shampoos.

Anyway, I'm going to say you shouldn't just pour it down the drain. They're to notice if you haven't started using shampoo all of a sudden. Explain that shampoo just makes your scalp feel bad, but you appreciate the concern.

PHOENIX MOON
June 16th, 2009, 05:37 AM
Hey all,
Thanks for your replies. I have spoken to them about my opinions of the situation, and did a fairly slow transition from shampoo and condition every day (s=shampoo, c=conditioner). I used to sc every day apart from weekends, then s every alternate weekday but c every weekday. Then c every weekday and s every week, then c only every weekday, then c every other weekday, then c once mid week, then c every week but get wet every day. Then not c and only getting my hair wet every other weekday, every alternate day, then once a week and then once a fortnight, then once a month. Then I got to my current routine. This span over at least a year. I had no complaints until recently. (Note: after I shampooed it prior to henna'ring!)

~*Phoenix*~

heidi w.
June 16th, 2009, 09:14 AM
We do become acclimated to our own smells so if the hair does smell you might not notice it. (The same is true of smokers. Only until they have quit for a while might such folks notice the smell of a smoker or a smoker's house or car and how it can penetrate. Hair usually doesn't do that as intensely, but depending, it can get somewhat rank with all that sebum. Sebum is a waxy ester that isn't cleaned out by water alone. Think of wax. With heat it just becomes more smeary, but it isn't removed.)

I know when my sebum buildup is pretty intense, my hair can actually reek. This is because ever-present bacteria gets busy breaking it down.

If you it turns out your routine is creating an unpleasant aroma that others are picking up on and you want to do something about that, then it's not an either/or situation of having to return to drying shampoos and every day hair washing.

You could just wash with diluted shampoo around once a week, using the water meanwhile. You could at that time also use conditioner on the length.

There's conditioner only washing (CO) to consider.

There are oils to apply to hair length only.

Selsun Blue is a medicated shampoo for dandruff. It will dry out hair and scalp skin. That's the point.

Baby shampoo is supposed to be "gentle".....you could think about diluting it if you really want to please them.

I do have a scalp skin issue with a pretty serious form of dandruff known as seborrheic dermatitus, so my scalp skin needs to be cleaned well. This thing is an issue of waaay too much sebum.

heidi w.

Fractalsofhair
June 17th, 2009, 07:26 PM
Do get an honest opinion from an open minded friend if your hair smells badly or not. If you want to try a gentle shampoo and conditioner, I again suggest Burt's Bees for normal hair and Alaffia for dry hair. However, WO works for many people, and so does SO. It's not for everyone though(I have a guy friend who almost never washes his hair, and it reeks and looks greasy! It could be he also rarely showers and well, bad BO, poor diet etc.), and that's why I strongly advise a 2nd opinion. Did you just recently tell them you don't shampoo? It's also possible the henna is what they're smelling. It does have a grassy smell, and well, it could be seen as unpleasant by many. If so, do WO occasionally and tell them it's your hair dye.(So they think you're washing your hair with the WO)

HappyHair87
June 17th, 2009, 07:41 PM
I say just go back to co-washing.....use a moisturizing conditioner though...like a cheapie V05 or something.....it works for me.

At least that way it won't be drying your hair out :)

And i LOVE the smell of the strawberries and cream....smells like a strawberry milkshake!!

longhairedfairy
June 17th, 2009, 08:20 PM
I had no complaints until recently. (Note: after I shampooed it prior to henna'ring!)

~*Phoenix*~

Could it be that they don't like the smell of the henna?

Flynn
June 17th, 2009, 08:29 PM
Do get an honest opinion from an open minded friend if your hair smells badly or not.


Could it be that they don't like the smell of the henna?

I add my voice to both of these.