PDA

View Full Version : Slightly frustrated at self for a two feet chop



kyraninse
June 13th, 2009, 11:06 AM
I'm sorry, this is me whining. But I really just need a bit of support now.

I recently chopped off my hair myself from below the tailbone to where it now brushes my shoulders.

I'm currently slightly frustrated because I did it because almost everyone I knew thought: "it is too long", "you look so much older than 23, you look like you're 40", "you look like a Chinese mainlander from a farm...", "that's ugly", "god, you look like that girl from japanese horror flicks", "long hair attracts ghosts, didn't you know?", "that is seriously too long, just cut it already"...

And after about a month of this I just got tired of it all and lopped it all off.

:rolleyes:

Myself. I actually haven't had someone else even it out for me yet.

I want to grow my hair out again, but I was just wondering -- is there someone else who cut off their hair because of peer/parental/familial pressure? And just how do you deal with people telling you that your hair is ugly on a daily basis? Keeping in mind that telling parents/family friends to shut up is so not an option. :(:confused:

/whine. Thank you for listening.

GoddesJourney
June 13th, 2009, 11:13 AM
At least now you've learned that doing what other people tell you doesn't make you feel happy. Don't worry, it will grow back. Just tell them next time that long healthy hair has been a sign of health and beauty since the dawn of time. I'm guessing you're of asian decent. You guys don't age anyway so there's no way you look 40 at 23:)

Also, now you can tell them that you tried to make everyone happy and cut your hair, but that it didn't work for you. You liked your long hair and it's part of who you are. You will be growing it back now. Thank you very much for all of your opinions but at the end of the day, everyone keeps their hair the way it makes them happy.

swanns
June 13th, 2009, 11:16 AM
Aww, I'm so sorry to hear so many people were so mean to you! I know it's easier said than done to tell people to just mind their own business and ignore what they say about your hair. I really feel for you :(

I haven't experienced an identical situation, but especially when I was younger my mum didn't like long hair on me at all (I think she's finally cool with it though since she hasn't told me to cut it for a few years now), and when I was about 9 my parents actually paid me a hundred marks to get it cut to this short bob, and I did.

If you decide to stick to LHC you'll notice there are a lot of people here who have cut their hair for various reasons and want it back - so you're not alone!

kyraninse
June 13th, 2009, 11:25 AM
Thank you both for the kind thoughts. :)
I do intend on telling them that I cut it once for their pleasure and it brought me none. :p I just have no idea how to stop the onslaught of "but we're telling you this for your own goooood".
Yes, I am Asian -- which makes "talking back" that much harder, sadly.

L4dybug
June 13th, 2009, 11:29 AM
Oh so sorry. I just about a month ago cut my waist length hair off. And I so regret it. But I did it at my own choice. It will grow back. So sad people can be so mean.

It is your hair, and you do what makes you happy. :)
Big ((((Hugs))) to you!

Peter
June 13th, 2009, 11:29 AM
Oh I'm so sorry to hear about this... I know what it's like to get negative comments almost every day. It just never seems to stop, does it? You know now that you don't like short hair, so don't let anyone try to talk you into it. Some people aren't comfortable with those who are different and don't follow mainstream fashion, and they'll say anything to get you to cut your hair. Anything.

For me, once my hair got "long" (past my shoulders) I stopped getting insults, maybe because people realized I wasn't going to cut it no matter what they thought or said. It sounds like you're of the same mindset. Even my family didn't approve and I was talked into a few "trims" too. Being rude doesn't really solve anything when it comes to your family, so what I did was cut the conversation short before they could say much. As soon as anyone mentioned cutting my hair, I told them I'll do what I want with my hair and I won't have this discussion for the millionth time.

My advice is to just grow your hair back again. No need to say anything about it, just do it. Hopefully it works out for you.

ETA: "We're telling you to cut your hair for your own good." I would say something along the lines of how you already cut off 2 feet, which represents around 4 years, and it brought you no good. So you don't plan on doing it again.

kyraninse
June 13th, 2009, 11:48 AM
Thanks for replying :)
No, it's never a discussion. LOL. Just constant snarky sneak attacks like "you DO know that you'll attract ghosts with that hair, right?" out of the blue and then no follow-up -- leaving me more than slightly upset and even a bit miffed that I can't launch into a defense of my position because the subject is so quickly changed. Not to mention the willies. Ghosts? Following hair? Yikes.
And actually, the longer it got, the more nagging I got to cut it :P Maybe I should follow that idea of getting a T-shirt with "I'll cut it when I can't walk without tripping over it". Best T-shirt idea ever.

Coriander
June 13th, 2009, 11:53 AM
I guess people don't realize their own strength when it comes to making negative comments. Enough of them, and you end up changing how you feel or think. It's sad, but I am glad that you now know you are able to think for yourself and not let anyone get in the way of what you want for yourself again!

I like your idea for the T-shirt :)

kyraninse
June 13th, 2009, 12:00 PM
Oh not mine. It was Wheatfree's from the "dumbest hair comments (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=26513&page=2)" thread. Can't take credit for such an awesome idea.
Familial/peer pressure is a lovely thing, innit? I think I was literally brainwashed into believing them that it was, indeed, ugly.

Denebi
June 13th, 2009, 12:03 PM
Do the t-shirt thing! This is really a good idea. I'm so sorry that you were talked into cutting your hair. That really is mean. Maybe you can print on the the back of the shirt the following: "And yes, I like ghosts following me. At least they have good taste."

kam984420
June 13th, 2009, 12:09 PM
Im sorry, you're so frustrated. Keep in mind, its hair and it WILL GROW.:cheese:

kyraninse
June 13th, 2009, 12:09 PM
Denebi -- you are my new hero. Heroine. Which ever you like. That is the BEST idea ever.

kyraninse
June 13th, 2009, 12:11 PM
Kam, thank you for the kind words.
And oh, I really do realize it will grow back and honestly I feel more than a bit silly mourning it so -- but mostly I'm somewhat afraid I'll somehow get brainwashed into cutting it again. Call me a wuss, but having about 10 people plus random strangers tell me my hair is too long and it looks ugly that way almost daily is more than I can handle. ...odd thing I noted -- I didn't see anyone in Taiwan who has hair that is longer than APL. I wonder why that is. I know it's a sub-tropical zone and all -- but really, no one in a month of living there?

Carolyn
June 13th, 2009, 12:41 PM
What's done is done. Now you need to search out the boatloads of threads about dealing with pressure to cut. You'll get lots of good ideas on how to deal with it in the future. You've found out that long hair is what you really want. You can regrow now with fresh ends and you can take the best care of it. Lots of us have had "friends" and family rag on us for our hair choices. You have to get a strategy and practice things to say. You don't have to be mean or nasty about it. Just be firm and matter of fact. Then refuse to listen to more or discuss it further. They will get tired of talking to a brick wall :D

kam984420
June 13th, 2009, 12:44 PM
Kam, thank you for the kind words.
And oh, I really do realize it will grow back and honestly I feel more than a bit silly mourning it so -- but mostly I'm somewhat afraid I'll somehow get brainwashed into cutting it again. Call me a wuss, but having about 10 people plus random strangers tell me my hair is too long and it looks ugly that way almost daily is more than I can handle. ...odd thing I noted -- I didn't see anyone in Taiwan who has hair that is longer than APL. I wonder why that is. I know it's a sub-tropical zone and all -- but really, no one in a month of living there?


I have to say one thing. It doesnt matter what anybody else thinks. What matters is that you're happy. Ignore everybody else. They will get tired of picking on you when they see its not doing any good. Just walk off and ignore them. You're an adult (i assume) and can make your own decisions about your hair. Im growing my hair out too and i've already caught alot of grief (im a guy) (im not even shoulder length yet) LET IT GROW. Happy growing.:cheese:

kyraninse
June 13th, 2009, 01:03 PM
So true. I actually had forgotten in all my months of lurking that people often get ragged on for their hair. I really can't understand why some people can feel so strongly about something not theirs.
"I'm not here to decorate your world" is lovely. I'll need to remember that -- and that I'm getting some what less flak than if I were a guy.
Thanks, I really appreciate all the responses. :)

Denebi
June 13th, 2009, 01:15 PM
I prefer heroine :o (Uh, someone could misinterpret this sentence...)

And I really do hope you grow your hair back fast. Welcome to TLHC, btw. At least here you will find people who understand your wish for long hair and give you encouraging comments now and then :flower:

Peter
June 13th, 2009, 02:08 PM
...

And I really do hope you grow your hair back fast. Welcome to TLHC, btw. At least here you will find people who understand your wish for long hair and give you encouraging comments now and then :flower:
More like all the time! :cheese:

MuzicalH3rb
June 13th, 2009, 02:23 PM
I just keep in mind that my hair is for ME, nobody else. Their opinion shouldn't matter.

Bene
June 13th, 2009, 02:27 PM
"you DO know that you'll attract ghosts with that hair, right?"

that just means that ghosts have good taste :D

Fractalsofhair
June 13th, 2009, 04:22 PM
If you need to hide your hair upon occasion, updos are great for that. Also, they're said to protect your hair. It's annoying when people make weird comments about hair.

DragonLady
June 13th, 2009, 04:57 PM
For most of my life I let other people tell me what to do with my hair. I cut it, permed it, dyed it, destroyed it...and never once enjoyed any of the benefits they all claimed would fall from the sky.

Just take a deep breath now, and make an appointment to have it evened up so it looks nice. When you start feeling depressed, just remind yourself that it will never be this short again, and that it will be long and healthy in time.

Fifty-Five
June 13th, 2009, 07:02 PM
I'm so sorry to hear that, kyraninse. =( I hope, the next time around, you can just shrug it off. I mean, I know it can get to ya, it's irritating! But if you're doing what makes you happy, who cares, right? =3 You can do it!

Addy
June 13th, 2009, 07:09 PM
Oh geez. I'm so sorry those people got to you. :(

Your hair will grow back, it will just take time!

My son <soon to be 14> and I are growing our hair out. His is past shoulder length and very, I mean very thick! He has enough hair for all of us in this house. I found out about a month ago that his friend's mom called him fat and asked him if he were gay?! :agape:

OMG! If I'd of known what she said to my boy, I'd of walked over there and decorated her face with my fist! :mad: I just can't believe a grown woman would say that to any child or person of any age! I told him he should have said he could diet but she'd still be ugly.:p He thought that was funny but in all honesty, he'd never say that to someone, even if I told him too. He's just not like that!

My son hears it from everyone and we believe in God, the Lord Jesus and you know what I say? Jesus had long hair! If my son wants long hair, he can have it too! :)

All the comments have worked on him a bit though. He ask me all the time if he should cut and I tell him do what you want sweetie, it's your hair. He says people tell him it's long and he should cut it but he decides that he wants it long for himself an no one else.

We get the mother daughter comment all the time when our backs are to people. When he's on the computer and DH comes in and thinks it's me and tries to kiss *me*, he finds a hairy face waiting for him behind the hair! :D

My son has stuck it out and I love him and his hair and I would not want to see him cut his hair for anyone but himself! Even if he insisted on cutting it, I would respect his wishes because that's what he'd want but I would inforce the 2 week rule on him and secretly hope he wouldn't cut it. He was actually thinking of cutting it all off the other day. I said I'd cut it but I won't until he had 2 weeks to think about it. He came to me an hour later and said don't cut it!


My point is, it's your hair! If it makes you happy to have it long, keep it long! If you like it short, keep it short! If you want red hair with brown highlights cuz you think it's rad then do it! The day someone tells me I should cut my hair will be the day they wish they'd of never said anything of the sorts to me. If you don't pay my bills, don't tell me what I should or should not do, especially the way I wear my hair!

Sorry if I've come off harsh. It's a touchy subject when someone says to another, you should cut your hair! I'd say, mind yer damn business! It's short, sweet and to the point! If they don't like it, maybe they'll think twice before they open their mouth again! :D

jera
June 14th, 2009, 01:28 AM
Thank you both for the kind thoughts. :)
I do intend on telling them that I cut it once for their pleasure and it brought me none. :p I just have no idea how to stop the onslaught of "but we're telling you this for your own goooood".
Yes, I am Asian -- which makes "talking back" that much harder, sadly.

I'm so sorry you cut and now regret it. What kind of family and friends tell a person they look ugly whether with long hair or not? :( That's a very immature controlling thing to do. In the future if something similar happens, come to your LHC family first. We've saved many tresses from hitting the bathroom floor and egos too. :p

longhairedfairy
June 14th, 2009, 02:25 AM
No, it's never a discussion. LOL. Just constant snarky sneak attacks like "you DO know that you'll attract ghosts with that hair, right?"

Depending on the person, saying "Grow up," or, "You actually believe those childish stories?" might work. On the other hand, you could say, "What, are you prejudiced against ghosts?" or "The reason long hair attracts ghosts is that the length strengthens my psychic powers. The psychic powers are what really attracts them."

ETA: Or you could say, "You have such terrible manners. Aren't you ashamed to be so rude?"

eadwine
June 14th, 2009, 02:57 AM
Or just tell them to get tan underwear, it suits the body better. ;)

kyraninse
June 14th, 2009, 08:40 AM
Thank you for all the lovely responses. Next time I'll just remember all your lovely words and put the scissors back where they belong. :P
Oh Addy, if those people had've said that to a friend even. I can't believe a mom said that about her son's friend. What an absolutely classless thing to do.
That response about psychic powers is just brilliant. :)

yogachic
June 14th, 2009, 09:25 AM
I just did the same thing. I was so close to waist, and May 28th I cut my hair to shoulders, well the back is about 2-3 inches below the stylist actually left the back longer than the photo i showed her, thank goodness. The down beat is that there's heavy layering. I never had layering. My "friend" kept telling me, it looked so bad, its too long, blah, blah, blah. I know that is what got me to the point that I got it cut too. I now regret cutting so much off. All we can do now is let it grow back out. I know how you feel! You can talk to me anytime. Hugs.

demitasse
June 14th, 2009, 09:55 AM
So sorry you had to go through that. I don't think some people realize how personal their comments can be. To them, it's just hair, what's the difference? When someone cuts their hair every other month, it seems much more disposable. But when you've put years into growing it and nurturing it, it becomes more a part of you.

I went through that once too and my mom told me to "toughen up" or I'd be pushed around my whole life. Easier said than done but I think she's right.

Bill D.
June 14th, 2009, 10:27 AM
Kyraninse, I'm sorry to hear about all the pressure people put on you!

Once your hair is long enough that you begin to receive these kinds of comments again, you could keep your hair up most of the time or at least when you are around people who don't like it. If people don't see the length they won't be reminded of how long it is. Women with extremely long hair (below classic length) generally need to keep their hair up most of the time to protect it and avoid to catching it on things (my wife certainly does), but you could start doing this at a somewhat shorter length. Ideally you would wear your hair the way you want it all the time, but I understand how hard it can be to deal with daily pressure from others, so keeping it up much of the time may be a good compromise.

Bill D.

watermelon
June 14th, 2009, 12:40 PM
I'm sure that you would look beautiful with a pixie cut or hair to your knees. I understand it's hard to deflect comments from family and friends, especially when they are so insistent on telling you what they think is right. But we all make mistakes. If you know what your goals are and you would like long hair again, see it as a journey. And look at the bright side - you have eliminated a lot of damage from your ends and have a fresh start to work with. Try treating yourself to a hair recipe or creating a new routine to improve the health of your hair even further. Good luck!

JamieLeigh
June 15th, 2009, 02:47 PM
I'm sorry you've felt so much pressure over what really shouldn't be anyone else's business!!! I can't believe that people honestly get so worked up over someone else's hair! :(

Let your friends and family know that whatever they may think of it, YOU are unhappy, and YOU are the one who is having to live with the consequences of the decision THEY pushed on you. Make sure they're aware that you didn't want to make this decision and that they were driving you nuts with all the comments. IMHO, those were very mean and inappropriate comments for "friends" to tell you.

And then grow it back out if you wish. Luckily, it will grow back; it's not like losing an arm. (although I know it feels like it!! :grouphug: ) If they start on you again for growing out your hair, tell them. "Look, I tried it your way and see how unhappy I was? Leave me alone and let me do it my way!"

Xandergrammy
June 15th, 2009, 03:47 PM
"long hair attracts ghosts, didn't you know?"



Ooooh I've never heard this one before. I hope mine starts attracting ghosts soon!!

And a bit of advice from a wise old woman- Wear your hair the way you like it and ignore the negative comments. I feel more like "me" with long hair but it's taken a couple of decades for me to do what I want instead of what someone else wants. :flowers:

feralnature
June 15th, 2009, 05:11 PM
Kyraninse if you hang around on this forum, you will get a lot of support. The support you get here will tide you over in the real world, and give you strength. Don't do anything else for anyone else, do for yourself first. You must be happy inside so you can bring happiness to others. Grow your beautiful locks long and glorious. Do this for yourself and fooey on anyone who does not like it!:)

longhairedfairy
June 16th, 2009, 01:42 AM
*snip*"god, you look like that girl from japanese horror flicks", "long hair attracts ghosts, didn't you know?"*snip*

Have you seen Uzumaki? You could do this style (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=27288) and tell people that the vortex/uzumaki spirit is taking over you. You won't be able to see the pictures in the thread until you have 25 posts (I think), but here (http://www.youtube.com/user/CinnamonCurls) is her YouTube channel where you can see exactly how to do it.

kyraninse
June 16th, 2009, 01:50 AM
Thank you all for your lovely comments. I think I will keep my hair up in the future -- it's true that they didn't really realize how long it was when I kept it in a bun. Of course then there were the comments about how buns make me look old, but oh well!
Yes. I will definitely tell them next time that I already gave in once for their pleasure and it brought me none. LOL. Yes, I'm not here to decorate your world. :P