Negative hair comments

[abritta3]

Ok! Hey to all! :pinktongue:
I just wanted to rant for a second.
I am going to vent about ignorant/jealous people who are rude to long haired individuals [both men&women].

Cinnamonhair is one of the users on LHC who I admire. She has gorgeous locks and she also uses a routine quite similar to mine so I look at her hair pictures, etc. hoping that I too can achieve that.
So after looking at her user page on here I noticed her youtube link and followed it & much to my surprise more comments were NEGATIVE!
I was enfuriated for her...jealous people saying she should cut her hair and that it didn't look healthy!!:mad:

First of all, as LHCers we all know that we probably have the healthiest routines for our hair and second, just because LHCers like to have longer hair that may not be "fashion forward" or "trendy" doesn't mean it's not healthy or beautiful.

I think long hair is truly a blessing! So to Cinnamonhair, you have gorgeous locks and you inspire me!:D

So my 2nd story. I worked with a girl who had elbow length hair and it was 2toned (lighter on bottom and her natural darker length coming in). One day, another associate marched up to us and remarked "Jessica...you seriously need a trim. Your hair is so weird. It's one color on top and another on bottom and why do you keep a long hair style anyway? You always wear it up...Why don't you ever style it?"

I was SO mad for Jessica but I didn't feel it was my place to say anything but I did give the evil girl a dirty look. (Maybe a little immature on my part...?)

Ok [the rant continues] I was just wondering how some of you react to people when they ask you ignorant questions about your hair routine and your hair style? [I am hoping most of you have more patience with these type of people than I do!]

And one last question. What do you think provokes people to say such awful things? Jealousy??? That's what I think it is.

[LittleOrca]

I had some hair videos on my YouTube site as well. I figured if I could get people who liked long hair to my site to boost my mermaid and harp videos, I would! I dealt with the creeps and ignored them and it was no biggie. I did get a lot of "Cut your hair, you fithy ----" and "Why do you want such ratty disgusting hair?" I deleted those comments and didn't let them bother me. Most of those people who posted those comments were the "OMG! I have to follow the most up-to-date fashion and ruin my hair because Paris Hilton or Tyra Banks or <insert famous name here> told me so!"

When it comes to hair and people's questions, I do not get many (that are genuine and deserve an answer). Many of you who know me know I have a mini battle a lot with my aunt who thinks I need to cut my hair, or worse, layer it because it is the "in" thing. I only get weird commends or stares or the like when my hair is down, and that isn't as often as I would like it to be anymore (growing out damage, babying my hair.) I don't think many people know how long hair is when it's up.

People will always make fun of you because you are doing something they either 1) Don't understand or 2) are jealous because it is something they have wanted and do not feel they can obtain.

This goes along the lines of what I read in a book (http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Girls-Guide-Life/dp/1582344280) which another woman refered to as "Skinny Logic." This is where a skinny person (and usually a snotty one too) who has worked their whole life to stay skinny, and denied themselves things they really want in the food area, sees a person of normal or above normal weight eating a cookie. They assume all that 'tub of lard' will eat is that cookie and other sweets they want but wont allow themselves to have, even if that is the first sweet the other person has had in a long time. That fosters hostility and makes the skinny person more angry and bitter and less open and loving.*

I believe the same goes on for people with long hair. When those with long hair(A) are seen by those who don't have it and secretly really want it(B), the B's will bash the A's in order to get them to remove their hair and bring them back into a level that is more comfortable for them to deal with their own wantings. It is not fair for someone to wave something you really want around in your face and tortue you with it, and I think that is why the B's get angry at the A's and say negative things. Do I think it's justified? Absolutely not, I am just attempting to analyze it.

I also believe that the process of growing long hair is harder for men than women. I am not pretending to be all knowing, so I hope our male members don't take this that way and get angry with me. :) This is just my hypothesis.

There is something in each society that is the social norm. This social norm is often like a little tiny box that people attempt to fit themselves into and they are full of stereotypes. In my part of the United States, the social norm box for a man is [Love sports, short hair, clean cut, hard working, look at playboy, blame everything on "Its a man thing, I am SUPPOSED to do that," and the both negative and positive stereotypes go on and on.] But notice that to be a 'real' man you are supposed to have short hair. When they grow longer hair they step out of this social norm box and are then unfairly riddiculed. I am sure they have heard at least once "Women have long hair" or words commenting on their sexuality based on their hair. While I do not think that men will have the same issue as the women in the "Skinny Logic" example, there are issues men have to go through with other men putting them down so they appear more dominant. (I am kind of thinking like Elephant Seals on the beach.) Is that sort of right, gentlemen?

Not on a hair note, but I do get a lot of crap for being a not-so-little mermaid. I hear all the comments and they are always the same and people always think they are the most orgional insults. :rolleyes: I used to ignore them, until trolls started docking my video rankings. Now, I not only remove the comment, but I block the user then stalk their YouTube page (depending on how bad the comment was) and will over some time bring down their ratings on their videos. Not healthy I am sure, but better than self-hating, hmm?

(*Note, I don't care if people are fat, skinny, tall, short, or whatever and I don't think the author of this idea did either. It was a way to put snots into perspective for people who were larger than normal and being harassed for it day in and day out. This was just the best example I could think of to illustrate my point. :) )

That is just my :twocents:.

[embee]

Some folks really dislike long hair and they are not averse to saying so to all and sundry. so they have an opinion. That makes them important.

Other folks are so threatened by a person who is different that they can't stop badmouthing that person in public. They are afraid so they put down the person who isn't.

Cinnamonhair has gorgeous hair and I wish mine were that nice. Not in this lifetime. :(

[spidermom]

I think it's a combination of attitudes. Some people hate long hair because they once got a hair in their mouth with their food. Some are envious. Some don't want the competition (guys in general are believed to prefer long hair). Some don't like the way it looks, example - I don't like the way a bob looks (no envy involved, I can assure you). And so forth. There's no one reason that's going to explain every bad comment. People are entitled to their opinions, although it's not always appropriate to express them (some of us have to learn the hard way).

[Darkhorse1]

I think people who see long hair think it's unkept when it's so long. They see the natural waves or uneven/fairy tale ends, and think someone needs to maintain it etc.

I wish people didn't feel the need to insult others just because they are different. That's the key here--long hair is a personal choice, just like anything else in life. If you don't like long hair, I wouldn't understand why someone would go to a youtube site that is focusing on long hair. Sheesh! Some people like to be mean just for the sake of being mean. Speaks more about them than the person they are foisting it on.

[Fencai]

urg.. try working in the fashion industry.....
talk about being told to keep up with the trends!

[misstwist]

See here. http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=22917

I have nothing else useful to add. :)

[Quixii]

I hate that. I used to get comments like, "Oh, you're growing it out to donate, right?" and "Why don't you cut your hair?" and stuff all the time. For some reason, I don't get them as much any more. The first one always especially annoyed me. It's like, I'm not allowed to grow my hair for myself? =(

[jera]

I love Cinnamonhair's luscious long lcoks too. :D She's one of my knee length inspirations. I don't know why people say negative things about longhairs. Jealousy? Ignorance? Nothing better to do? :(

Anyway, I know myself and I like my long hair despite what anyone else may think. Screw 'em.

[LadyLongLocks]

I have been on Youtube (http://www.youtube.com/user/JJJLongHair4u2c) for 3 years now and have 30 hair videos posted.
I have gotten some really rude comments too. For the most part though, the comments have been good. Youtube gives it's users the option to pre-approve messages and this is an option I have used on all of my videos. It takes a bit more time, but it causes less drama!I hate to see people argue back and forth about my hair.
Funny thing is that most of the people that have a rude comment don't share videos of their own. I also see a lot of young girls leave rude comments and people telling me I should donate my hair. People can be so cold and cruel about something they have no knowledge about, "long hair". I think sometimes people are just ShOcKed to see knee length hair like Cinnamons and mine!
I often write back to the person with their bad comment ( youtube has their own e mail if you join) and send them links on the sad facts about Locks of Love or enlighten them about their weird assumptions about my hair. Most of the time I just delete the comment and block them.
Although few and far between, the hateful comments still hurt. As with many other things, you have to take the good with the bad. For the most part, it has been fun having a youtube channel. I really enjoy seeing all of the new channels for long hair that have opened since I started in 2006. Seeing mine and others long hair videos has inspired a lot of women into growing their hair long. I have sent many of these women to LHC to get the best advice, support and friendship while growing their hair.:D

:) MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL (http://www.youtube.com/user/JJJLongHair4u2c)

[eresh]

I'm a fan of your channel!

I have a few videos on youtube, I don't screen the comments but once in a while there are some negative ones like "I want to cut your hair" etc. Then I go *delete*
But the emails you sometimes get can be pretty weird.
I don't write those back, only the normal ones (who don't want to cut my hair or want me to send them my shedhairs). ;)

Ah well, the nice reactions of people happy with the videos outweigh those :)

You just can't please everyone.

[Angelica]

I don't have hair nearly that length unfortunately. Probably never will. But I do get negative comments very often. My problem is that it is so fine that people can see that it is and this seems to bother them regarding long hair. I have tried telling them that I keep it long because it is easier to manage, but they just don't seem to understand. I personally think they are rude and even if they don't like it they shouldn't state it.

Everyone in my office (except me) has their hair cut at least jaw length and have it dued this horrible bleach blonde colour. Their hair is as dry as a bone but I wouldn't tell them this.

Some people have no manners or they just like to wind the long haired person up.

[frodolaughs]

I imagine people like or dislike long hair for many reasons. What I don't understand are the unsolicited comments and advice. Those are just poor manners. I don't know why people think it's okay to be rude--it isn't just long hair, it's weight (both thinner and heavier than average), clothing, and just about any other personal characteristic. I think this rudeness is a social problem, but I don't know what to do about it. I just try to respond in a non-rude way, even when a pithy comeback would feel gratifying.

[hazelnut]

Yeah. People can be very ignorant sometimes. And it can be hard to ignore such ignorance, but in order to keep our mental health, we have to just ignore them.

I got a pretty ignorant comment from my grandmother today. I was sitting down on the couch and all of the sudden she blurts out, "you know why your hair is so thick? It's because you don't flatiron it. If you did that your hair would be more manageable." All I could do was roll my eyes at her. I mean really, flatiron my hair and damage it more than it's already damaged?! HELLO! I stopped flat ironing it for a reason!!!!!! But comments like these are what I have to endure on a daily basis from her. :(

[Longlocks3]

As it has been said before, we are choosing something non conventional. We are not conforming to what everyone thinks we should. People used to and even still do think that people who choose not to have children are selfish(but isn't everyone to some extent?). I think because most of us on this site are growing our hair for US they may see us as selfish. I don't know when it became a bad thing to do something for yourself, you cannot be completely self sacrificing.

My hair makes me happy, your hair makes you happy. I have read the recent post on why 'they are not jealous' but I do think in one way it is jealously albeit not jealously of our hair per say. Jealousy that we get to enjoy something for us and no one else. I guess I just think there are a lot of unhappy people out there!

[Lioness]

Do women with long hair actually get cut-your-hair-comments from both men and women or only women?
Cause if it were only women it's pretty obvious they are just jealous :rolleyes:

And what skeleton with too big silicone implants said long hair isn't fashionable?? Since the beginning of mankind, long hair was always seen as beautifull and sexy!
But i'm sure half of Hollywood pays so much money to get extensions because long hair isn't trendy :wink:

[kafka]

I actually doubt it's jealousy. I'm obviously a fan of long hair, or I wouldn't be here, but a lot of people think it looks sloppy and unkempt. I remember I once took my grandmother (95 years old) to her doctor. Her doctor (a woman) had waist length hair and my grandmother let her have it ("how could you look so unprofessional as a doctor?" etc.). I tried to stop it, but honestly wanted to melt through the floor.

[spidermom]

Do women with long hair actually get cut-your-hair-comments from both men and women or only women?
Cause if it were only women it's pretty obvious they are just jealous :rolleyes:
:wink:

The only negative comment I've gotten was from a man - my father. The last time I visited, he told me "it looks like a big mess." And "your hair could be so pretty if you'd do something with it." Plus he tried to hand me a pair of scissors a couple of times.

[viking_quest]

The only negative comment I've gotten was from a man - my father. The last time I visited, he told me "it looks like a big mess." And "your hair could be so pretty if you'd do something with it." Plus he tried to hand me a pair of scissors a couple of times.

Same here. Everybody I know loves my hair longer than shorter except him. He thinks I'll cut it if he keeps telling me that it looks greasy and that he'll cut it in the night. :rolleyes:

[JamieLeigh]

I'm never sure what makes people think they have to "save" us from our evil long hair.

Maybe in some cases, it is jealousy or rather, envy, and people just don't know how to deal with emotions like that other than to try to stop it at the source.

Maybe in other cases, it's just that people don't understand that there are others out there who DON'T feel like following the societal fashion trends. They just can't believe that something like that is possible, LOL. So in that sense, they may feel they're doing their civic duty to inform us that we need to change to fit in, to save us from being ostracized.

And then there are those who are just bossy, and constantly feel the need to push their views on others.

In both of the scenarios the OP posted, I would have handled each one the exact same way. I know that CinnamonHair is a beautiful woman with beautiful hair, and CinnamonHair knows it too. She also knows it's true that you can't please everyone 100% of the time, I'm sure, and that some people are too childish to be taken seriously. There is absolutely no need to leave nasty messages under someone's photo or video, and I bet you any amount of money that the only reason they feel comfortable doing this is because it's such an anonymous message board. They would never dare if they went face-to-face. It's my opinion that she has some of the most gorgeous and healthy hair I've ever seen, and I would definitely leave that message under the video. And when the co-worker was coming under fire for the color of her hair, I would have stepped up and said how awesome and pretty I thought it was, whether the offending party was my boss or not. It's not a fireable offense, last time I checked, to disagree on the state of someone's hair.

[RavennaNight]

Sheesh! Some people like to be mean just for the sake of being mean. Speaks more about them than the person they are foisting it on.

I think this is very important. Seriously. How many drunk, high, immature, dorky, or otherwise moronic people do you think float through the Internet on a daily basis? Just for a stupid laugh at another person's expense. Yeah, some people really dislike long hair. But I think the ones who are more likely to make mean comments on a Youtube video or pics that are up on display on a (more) public site are usually some immature punk@ss kids who are bored with nothing else to do but find something random and say something mean. Anyone have a kid brother or sister who sits around for hours looking for random stuff to make fun of? Especially when they are intoxicated and can giggle for hours about posting something mean on an unsuspecting longhair's hair video? Put in perspective the comments are really as meaningless as the people who posted them. They probably won't even remember they did tomorrow morning. And if they do, they probably don't care because they do not realize there is an actual human with feelings behind that video they commented on. :shrug:

[Fractalsofhair]

I think a lot of people presume we're too lazy to cut our hair. It's sad but true that many people with long hair are really just too lazy to get a hair cut(Long meaning shoulder length), in particular for men. Now, for women with long hair, people presume we're not taking care of it or something, and short hair is seen as more artsy or youthful. Really long hair requires work, and if it looks fine and is clean and looks healthy, it's hard to object to it. Now, very stringy long hair with a ton of grease in it makes me question people's hygiene(IE, my brother's at knee!), but I hope to have long healthy looking hair some day.

[WritingPrincess]

With regard to the YouTube comments: Nearly every video on YouTube that I've come across has a large percentage of vitriolic comments. Please don't let it hurt you.

[longhairedfairy]

With regard to the YouTube comments: Nearly every video on YouTube that I've come across has a large percentage of vitriolic comments. Please don't let it hurt you.
Well said. Just block the immature user and delete the offensive comments. If it's not your own video you can still mark the comment as spam. :flower:

[Pegasus Marsters]

Ok, before anyone else can point it out I will. You mean envy, not jealousy. Envy is the feeling about things other people have that you want, jealousy is the feeling of not wanting them to take something of yours away. So the question is "are they envious?" not "Are they jealous?" (I blame Nightshade for this now being a pet peeve of mine! :lol: )

And hey, maybe they really just do not like long hair. Just because someone makes a critical comment does not mean they're envious, they might just not like long hair. It's rather narrow minded to assume everyone wants or likes long hair.

[manderly]

why do you keep a long hair style anyway? You always wear it up...Why don't you ever style it?"



I'm ashamed to say those words have left my mouth before. :nono: This was long before I started my longhair journey, and I've apologized to my friend for hassling her long hair. All she ever did with it was put it in a high bun or ponytale. I didn't understand the point :shrug: Not everyone understands that long hair is more than wearing it down and styled.



Jealousy??? That's what I think it is.

As for this, you are wrong. There have been threads about this. It's personal opinions and misperceptions. Opinions are like a$$holes, everyone has one. Women don't tell you they don't like their hair or you should cut it because they are jealous. They do it because they don't think it's stylish, they think it's boring, they think it's frumpy, they think something would look more flattering, they don't understand why you want it long if it's always in a bun (we know ;)). There are a whole lot of reasons, most of them falling under the personal opinions (unwanted) and the misperceptions categories :)

[Torrin Paige]

I completely agree with LadyLongLocks (she'll always be JJJ to me.) I started my You Tube page to help out a couple of gals who were having problems getting their hairsticks to work properly, and then I posted a couple of easy tutorials, and then I just kept going. Lady LongLocks was my very first You Tube friend and she convinced me to re-activate my account over here citing the awesome people and great support. (She was right, of course, as she always is. :) ) I get the occasional hater, sometimes it's about my hair, sometimes it's about my personality (and clearly I'm awesome, so I don't know what they're on about...LOL) and sometimes it's just people trying to get a rise out of me. Their comments get deleted and they get blocked. I have met so many wonderful people over there (and helped a few too) that I won't give my account and channel up for anything. Although, you may have heard that I'm no longer taking requests...but that's another post. LOL.

[hennaphile]

About ten years ago, a girl said, "your hair is a rat's nest." :( This was coming from a girl whose short hair had so much hairspray it looked like it would snap if you bent it.

And that was in the days that my hair was thud-worthy... :rolleyes:

[Darkhorse1]

What Ravennight said--many comments you see are just kids bored and trying to start an argument to give them something to do. This is the biggest problem with message boards in general and why moderators have a thankless job!

I chose to have long hair, and I have a friend who chooses short hair. Our styles are unique for us and I'd never tell her to grow her hair nor would she ever tell me to cut mine. It's cute because her six year old wants to grow her hair as long as mine, but her parents have said until she cares for it better, she has to have it kept at shoulder length :) She's only six, so I'm sure she'll learn in time.

I love youtube videos because they've helped me learn new styles and braids :)

[Stevy]

I agree with WritingPrincess. I never read the comments to YouTube videos because eighty percent of them read like they were written by stoned thirteen-year-old boys.

Also, I think LittleOrca has a great point about 'skinny logic'. If people are unhappy with themselves, they tend to shout at the weather in their own heads, and sometimes it comes out as hurtful comments towards other people. Some friends of mine have a friend of theirs who is very unhappy with her life and acts out by making rude remarks about other people's body shapes - if she's not being rude about fat people, she's accusing thin people of being anorexic, which I find really uncalled-for - and I just won't socialise with her. I'm sorry she's unhappy, but she's got to understand that not everyone likes to hang out with self-centred rude people.

Actually, maybe there's lots of people out there being shunned because they're self-centred and rude, and that's why they have nothing better to do with their time than make witless comments on YouTube. ;)

[Savvyhorsez]

I find it amazing on how mean and rude people get with long hair. I don't get many comments like that anymore, but I do see a lot of people loving it, and saying that they also had long hair at one point.

[Peter]

Don't worry about comments on YouTube. If you're putting up a video and are actually bothered by things like that, you can just disable the comments. Problem solved.

[Savvyhorsez]

Don't worry about comments on YouTube. If you're putting up a video and are actually bothered by things like that, you can just disable the comments. Problem solved.

That is exactly what I'd do.:)

[Cinnamon Hair]

I apologize for bumping an old thread but I didn't realize it was (partially) about me. I spend all my LHC time with my head buried in the Conventional Products & Accessories board I guess :) I happened to do a search on my user name tonight or I never would have found this thread.

Thank you all for the support! If a comment bugs me on YouTube I might delete it but usually I just read the new ones when I get an email alert and reply if I feel like it. There are some negative comments mixed in with the positive ones...I don't really mind so I just let them stay. I have been on the Internet for over a decade now, so I'm used to the nastiness that goes along with anonymity.

[30isthenewblack]

We live in a funny society where most people wouldn't help someone who was attacked on the street but have no problems making comments about the way someone chooses to live their life.

My hair is not long enough to receive any of those comments but I do get a lot of comments about my curly hair. I'm always asked if I've ever straightened my hair and quite recently my neighbour who had naturally curly hair down to her hip and then cut her hair into a bob and chemically straightened her hair asked me if I wanted to go to her hairdresser. I nipped that one in the bud straight away and she hasn't said anything about my hair since. Unfortunately in Australia, we live in a culture where a lot of people chemically straighten their curly hair and they think that most people don't like curly hair. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones because I've always loved my curly hair and I'm not afraid to say to people that they are being rude when they make comments about my hair.

I think a lot of people are not used to seeing hair in a naturally long state. When they see celebrities with long hair, 99.9% of the time the celebrities are wearing hair extensions and their hair is coloured and straightened or curled with a GHD. Most people don't understand that most people with long hair cannot achieve that thickness or texture naturally.

[Aunteater]

My sister was never mean about it, but she did often try to pressure me into cutting my hair. She thought it would look more... mainstream. Professional. Part of it was that she felt responsible for my well-being, as my big sister. But... I sometimes wonder if there wasn't more to it. It wasn't envy. She didn't want long hair. But she did put a tremendous amount of time and maintenance into her hair, cutting and dyeing and straightening...

I think sometimes my hair, and my (lack of) maintenance on it, may have made her feel judged, somehow. I don't think it's necessarily that people can't stand deviations from the mainstream. I think it's more subtle than that. It's that if you put a huge amount of work into conforming yourself to some great high standard (especially if you have never really examined *why* you are conforming to that standard)... when you meet someone who is obviously happy disregarding that standard, it can feel like an insult or an attack on your beliefs. This causes some people to lash out.

Or anyway, that's my theory.

[Unofficial_Rose]

I have to say, if someone like Cinnamonhair can get negative comments, then it shows that no-one should take such comments seriously, because they are completely crazy. :crazyq:

[HeatherJenae]

I think it's really odd that people seem to think that if you have long hair, it's a topic for discussion, even if you didn't ask it to be. Kind of like people with tattoos or piercings. People feel it's their right to talk about them or express their opinion b/c it's kind of a rarity and is different. That's how I think it is with long hairs. Especially at my work, I get told all the time how to wear my hair, I shouldn't cut it, I should cut it, it looked better yesterday, etc. Never once asking for these opinions! It doesn't happen to anyone else at my work b/c they all have super short hair. It's like they think they own a piece of my hair and it's fair game for discussion. I usually take it in stride, but every now and then, when I'm feeling ornery, I say "I'm sorry is it your money or your hair? No? Then it's none of your business!" A bit rude, but no more than what they say.

[GlassEyes]

My sister was never mean about it, but she did often try to pressure me into cutting my hair. She thought it would look more... mainstream. Professional. Part of it was that she felt responsible for my well-being, as my big sister. But... I sometimes wonder if there wasn't more to it. It wasn't envy. She didn't want long hair. But she did put a tremendous amount of time and maintenance into her hair, cutting and dyeing and straightening...

I think sometimes my hair, and my (lack of) maintenance on it, may have made her feel judged, somehow. I don't think it's necessarily that people can't stand deviations from the mainstream. I think it's more subtle than that. It's that if you put a huge amount of work into conforming yourself to some great high standard (especially if you have never really examined *why* you are conforming to that standard)... when you meet someone who is obviously happy disregarding that standard, it can feel like an insult or an attack on your beliefs. This causes some people to lash out.

Or anyway, that's my theory.

I agree, I think. Whenever you challenge something that's a well-accepted idea or convention, part of the outlash from other people is their own insecurity, I think. You've CHALLENGED something that they took as a rule, and now they have to think about it, which can really mess them up. So they attack it. Or at least I think that's true.

Keep in mind, I'm not making myself separate from this rule entirely. In this instance, yes, but not in general. XD

I think it's really odd that people seem to think that if you have long hair, it's a topic for discussion, even if you didn't ask it to be. Kind of like people with tattoos or piercings. People feel it's their right to talk about them or express their opinion b/c it's kind of a rarity and is different. .
I see what you mean as well. Because something is different, people feel that they shouldl comment on it because it's unusual, even if their opinion isn't welcome. It's just what happens. :shrug: again, not separate from the rule. xD

[nowxisxforever]

I agree, I think. Whenever you challenge something that's a well-accepted idea or convention, part of the outlash from other people is their own insecurity, I think. You've CHALLENGED something that they took as a rule, and now they have to think about it, which can really mess them up. So they attack it. Or at least I think that's true.

Exactly, I think that's a lot of what it is in some cases.

[marajade]

I have been on Youtube (http://www.youtube.com/user/JJJLongHair4u2c) for 3 years now and have 30 hair videos posted.
I have gotten some really rude comments too. For the most part though, the comments have been good. Youtube gives it's users the option to pre-approve messages and this is an option I have used on all of my videos. It takes a bit more time, but it causes less drama!I hate to see people argue back and forth about my hair.
Funny thing is that most of the people that have a rude comment don't share videos of their own. I also see a lot of young girls leave rude comments and people telling me I should donate my hair. People can be so cold and cruel about something they have no knowledge about, "long hair". I think sometimes people are just ShOcKed to see knee length hair like Cinnamons and mine!
I often write back to the person with their bad comment ( youtube has their own e mail if you join) and send them links on the sad facts about Locks of Love or enlighten them about their weird assumptions about my hair. Most of the time I just delete the comment and block them.
Although few and far between, the hateful comments still hurt. As with many other things, you have to take the good with the bad. For the most part, it has been fun having a youtube channel. I really enjoy seeing all of the new channels for long hair that have opened since I started in 2006. Seeing mine and others long hair videos has inspired a lot of women into growing their hair long. I have sent many of these women to LHC to get the best advice, support and friendship while growing their hair.:D

:) MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL (http://www.youtube.com/user/JJJLongHair4u2c)


I had some hair videos on my YouTube site as well. I figured if I could get people who liked long hair to my site to boost my mermaid and harp videos, I would! I dealt with the creeps and ignored them and it was no biggie. I did get a lot of "Cut your hair, you fithy ----" and "Why do you want such ratty disgusting hair?" I deleted those comments and didn't let them bother me. Most of those people who posted those comments were the "OMG! I have to follow the most up-to-date fashion and ruin my hair because Paris Hilton or Tyra Banks or <insert famous name here> told me so!"

When it comes to hair and people's questions, I do not get many (that are genuine and deserve an answer). Many of you who know me know I have a mini battle a lot with my aunt who thinks I need to cut my hair, or worse, layer it because it is the "in" thing. I only get weird commends or stares or the like when my hair is down, and that isn't as often as I would like it to be anymore (growing out damage, babying my hair.) I don't think many people know how long hair is when it's up.

People will always make fun of you because you are doing something they either 1) Don't understand or 2) are jealous because it is something they have wanted and do not feel they can obtain.

This goes along the lines of what I read in a book (http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Girls-Guide-Life/dp/1582344280) which another woman refered to as "Skinny Logic." This is where a skinny person (and usually a snotty one too) who has worked their whole life to stay skinny, and denied themselves things they really want in the food area, sees a person of normal or above normal weight eating a cookie. They assume all that 'tub of lard' will eat is that cookie and other sweets they want but wont allow themselves to have, even if that is the first sweet the other person has had in a long time. That fosters hostility and makes the skinny person more angry and bitter and less open and loving.*

I believe the same goes on for people with long hair. When those with long hair(A) are seen by those who don't have it and secretly really want it(B), the B's will bash the A's in order to get them to remove their hair and bring them back into a level that is more comfortable for them to deal with their own wantings. It is not fair for someone to wave something you really want around in your face and tortue you with it, and I think that is why the B's get angry at the A's and say negative things. Do I think it's justified? Absolutely not, I am just attempting to analyze it.

I also believe that the process of growing long hair is harder for men than women. I am not pretending to be all knowing, so I hope our male members don't take this that way and get angry with me. :) This is just my hypothesis.

There is something in each society that is the social norm. This social norm is often like a little tiny box that people attempt to fit themselves into and they are full of stereotypes. In my part of the United States, the social norm box for a man is [Love sports, short hair, clean cut, hard working, look at playboy, blame everything on "Its a man thing, I am SUPPOSED to do that," and the both negative and positive stereotypes go on and on.] But notice that to be a 'real' man you are supposed to have short hair. When they grow longer hair they step out of this social norm box and are then unfairly riddiculed. I am sure they have heard at least once "Women have long hair" or words commenting on their sexuality based on their hair. While I do not think that men will have the same issue as the women in the "Skinny Logic" example, there are issues men have to go through with other men putting them down so they appear more dominant. (I am kind of thinking like Elephant Seals on the beach.) Is that sort of right, gentlemen?

Not on a hair note, but I do get a lot of crap for being a not-so-little mermaid. I hear all the comments and they are always the same and people always think they are the most orgional insults. :rolleyes: I used to ignore them, until trolls started docking my video rankings. Now, I not only remove the comment, but I block the user then stalk their YouTube page (depending on how bad the comment was) and will over some time bring down their ratings on their videos. Not healthy I am sure, but better than self-hating, hmm?

(*Note, I don't care if people are fat, skinny, tall, short, or whatever and I don't think the author of this idea did either. It was a way to put snots into perspective for people who were larger than normal and being harassed for it day in and day out. This was just the best example I could think of to illustrate my point. :) )

That is just my :twocents:.

You all have tough skins. I don't know if I could take flat out abuse like that. I love youtube, but the blanket abuse and immaturity really gets to me sometimes.

[RenaissanceGirl]

I'm a brand-new member, and the reason I was so thrilled to find this site is that it's the one place I go where people don't think I'm a freak for not having a short, trendy hairstyle. If those worked on me, that's what I'd have. But I'm not really up for the jagged, asymmetrical, two-toned, half-shaved bob-of-the-month. I want what looks good on ME.

As a young high school teacher, I sometimes get comments from older coworkers indicating that I will "grow out" of my desire for long hair. As if long hair is only something young people have. I have to admit that it does bug me, but then I remind myself that my professionalism is completely apparent in everything I do (and that criticizing other people's hair is pretty obviously immature on their parts).

What annoys me are the "your hair is really long!" comments. Yes, it is. I don't go up to people and say, "Your eyes are brown!" I have a feeling they already know that.

[Melisande]

I'm not sure about the envy part. I often feel it's too easy when we brush off negative comments of any kind by saying, "oh well, they're envious, that's all". Often, this is not true. People really don't like long hair, many of them. For them, long hair is threatening. And it is thus for exactly the same reasons that we like it.

Hair is a powerful symbol, just like eyes or hands, one of the most symbolic-meaningful areas of our bodies. Hair is on the one hand spiritual (an extension of our head, growing out of our heads, the highest point of our bodies) and on the other hand it is hair - a variation of the body hair that symbolizes our physical, animal side. Body hair is often viewed as unclean nowadays and shaven or epilated off. Head hair must be tamed.

It must be tamed because it reminds people of their wild side, of their ambitions and aspirations, and of their untamed wild inner Self. Long hair is seductive. Even in a bun, it's seductive - there is hardly a more seductive move than opening your hair and making your wild side visible (disregard Rita Hayworth's gloves for a moment - and look at her hair...).

And many people, especially women, have fought against their own wild demons successfully and have tamed their individual hair. They have made this powerful human symbol into mere raw material for a "style", they won't let their individuality express itself.

I always notice the inherent idiocy of make-up advice. If you have large lips, you have to make them look smaller. If you have small lips, here is how to enlarge them. Why not celebrate what you have? No, you have to bring your looks to an imagined state of perfection that is always, always different from what you were born with. (I don't say anything against make up and hair color, I use them myself - only against the underlying assumption that natural means: in need of improvement).

For women of my age, the resistance against long hair becomes really aggressive at times. People would love to tell me right out: you have no right anymore to have anything attractive about you. You must try to look younger, but please without reminding us that you are still a woman, albeit a useless one. Because this is the true cruel message of all those "you should really cut, at your age"-remarks that I get regularly. I get them only, only from women, and usually very veiled. And mostly from women my age and older. I don't even want to know what they say behind my back.

It is an irrational feeling of long hair being a threat, a provocation, inappropriate.

I love long hair in a bun exactly because it IS such an ambivalent symbol. The most modest way of wearing your hair - in many films, the asexual grandmother wears a bun. But also Madeleine Elster wears a bun - a flimsy bun but a bun. It's the symbol for her disturbing feminine potential of wreaking havoc in a man's life.

Can you imagine a seducer with a short hair cut? A siren, mermaid, nymph or goddess with a bob or a pixie? It's not impossible but it's difficult to imagine. If you look at Hollywood incarnations, they may have short hair. But if you look at the age-old cultural archetype - long hair, flowing locks, flowers in their hair. Hair like water and air and fire. Elemental hair.

When I have my hair in a bun, I get respect. When I have my hair open, I get treated totally different. Although I'm a middle aged woman on the brink of overweight. ;-) This is against the public order. I should resign and conform.

I make others feel their loss. And they are not envious - they don't like it.

Just my two cents. I'm not sure I'm right. But I might be.

[RancheroTheBee]

I always notice the inherent idiocy of make-up advice. If you have large lips, you have to make them look smaller. If you have small lips, here is how to enlarge them. Why not celebrate what you have? No, you have to bring your looks to an imagined state of perfection that is always, always different from what you were born with. (I don't say anything against make up and hair color, I use them myself - only against the underlying assumption that natural means: in need of improvement).

...

It is an irrational feeling of long hair being a threat, a provocation, inappropriate.

Your whole post was made of win, but I especially liked these two points.

Anyway, a while ago, I posted a thread asking for advice on continuing harassment about my hair color. I know that the longer it gets, the worse people will harass me over it, but thanks to the advice I have received here, I feel less reserved about combating it. People will always be negative, for whatever reason they feel is defensible.

[Stubborn]

I hate the negative comments. I wish they didn't affect me,but, I'm a sensative guy and nice guy so I take negative comments hard. They still won't make me cut my hair though, ever :]

[BranwenWolf]

I saw a rather interesting quote in a feminist book called "It's a Jungle Out There."
The author was remarking on people who belittle women who want to remain childless but the quote went like:
"People have a deeply human urge to mess things up. For example, few can walk past lined-up dominoes without tipping one over."

If people see something they perceive as a threat or an item of jealousy, they have to put the bearer of the hair in line. I don't know if it's competition for attention or the idea that the different person is somehow vunerable and needs to be "mainstreamed" so they aren't so conspicuous, but darn those hair comments get awful sometimes!

The only man who gave me the cut lecture was a hairsylist... my mom was getting her hair done and I went in to check on her. (the salon was in the mall) He was a belittling, harassing creep and to this day I wish I had just decked him one in front of the whole salon.

Most of the others have been women and girls. Oddly enough, the over 70 female crowd only has good things to say about my hair- maybe there's generational things at work here?

I just don't understand how having long hair makes it okay for complete strangers to be so rude.

[Cindi Eponabri]

I try to not read the comments on You Tube videos.. no matter what the subject, the majority are negative. I want to tell these (and have) if you don't like this topic, don't watch the damn video!!

I love the hair videos, those of you who make them are my heroes... I've learned so much from you and I've had long hair all my life.

I think it's like most anything else in life... Those who can, do and those who can't, complain.

[Bill D.]

Great post, Melisande. Thank you for speaking out and for having the courage to be yourself. In comparison, I'm fortunate to not get this kind of social pressure despite my unconventional appearance.

Bill D.

[Bene]

i would never brush it off as envy. i think it's so easy to be dismissive of criticisms by making an envy thing. because the assumption is that this person wishes they have what you have and try to bring you down because they lack it. this may not be the case in most instances.

maybe, they simply don't like long hair? there are some hairstyles that i think are ugly, cheap looking, tacky, etc. there are hair practices that i think are stupid and barbaric. sometimes preferences are a knee jerk reaction. can't help it.

now what people do with their knee jerk reaction is what i have a problem with. if someone doesn't like long hair, then cool. that's their business. but the minute they start harassing other people about the length of their hair, they've crossed a line. what makes us different from animals is our ability to take our immediate reactions and distinguish them from how we behave. for example, i would never tell someone "i think that particular shade of hair color makes you look like a trashy 2 dollar skank". i may think it, but i'll never say it. it's not my hair, i don't have to look at it every time i pass a mirror, i don't have to let it infect my every waking thought.


the people who make these negative comments on a regular basis have definitely taken a personal preference and made it into a control issue. somehow, they've convinced themselves that their own personal preferences and opinions supersede those of others and become offended when someone waves it off so they continue to say these things in hopes of shaming, guilt-tripping, or coercing the other person to make changes that comply with these opinions. that's a d***head thing to do.

[Pinstraight]

I haven't posted here in a long time.

As an older woman, I have probably heard the most of the negative comments from people.

Yes, it is true that some people just don't like long hair on anybody, period. Others, such as other older women, have serious issues about peer-pressure and self-image. In some cases this might be jealousy. In other cases it is anger over my courage to do what I WANT with my own hair. They are bothered that I am not concerned or constrained by what they perceive as 'society's' mores and 'norms' for what women of a certain age should do. This is media driven. They forget that women had long hair for centuries. Hopefully, I can influence some older women to let their hair grow.

J

[Stubborn]

Urgh. A family member saw me after a couple months and she said "Oh no no no, now it's getting too long. You look like a woman. I'm just being honest"

Well I just shrugged it off and went on my way but that kinda pissed me off.

I also think there's a difference between being rude and honest...

[GoddesJourney]

I'm going to have to agree, there is definately a difference between being rude and being honest. I've heard the "long hair like that makes you look like an old lady" thing but it's easy to dismiss since I have a baby face to start with and the comment is often followed by "especially with no make-up like that". Both of those sound strange to me because I thought make-up was something younger people need even less since it's typically used to cover up aging. Also, it's usually easier to grow your hair when you're young. However, if you have long hair when you're in your 40s or 50s, they tell you it's something only young girls should wear. Go figure. My long hair "boring with no layers" makes me look like an old lady. Thanks. I like my hair.

[earthdancer]

I believe there's a reason why our heads aren't transparent! Thoughts are meant to be private, not spewed indiscriminately to the world. It's almost funny how many people think that they can say anything under the guise of being "honest".:confused:

For example, my sister cut off her beautiful luxurious, long, naturally-golden hair and had it dyed a really terrible silver blonde color. I wish I could slap the beautician who did it. She went from being stunning (people told her so all the time) to aging herself 20 years, and the hair-style makes her look like a goofball, besides. I'm not the only who thinks so either; other family members are telling her that she looks like our very elderly mother! She insists it looks "cute" and tries to force me and everyone else to agree with her. I can't do that, but at least I don't tell her what I really think. I keep my mouth shut. It would not help our relationship if I confessed everything I was thinking!:eyebrows:

My hair doesn't look nearly as good as her hair looked when it was long, but thank goodness she doesn't point that out, either. I, in turn, appreciate her restraint!

[redcelticcurls]

i would never brush it off as envy. i think it's so easy to be dismissive of criticisms by making an envy thing. because the assumption is that this person wishes they have what you have and try to bring you down because they lack it. this may not be the case in most instances.

maybe, they simply don't like long hair? there are some hairstyles that i think are ugly, cheap looking, tacky, etc. there are hair practices that i think are stupid and barbaric. sometimes preferences are a knee jerk reaction. can't help it.

now what people do with their knee jerk reaction is what i have a problem with. if someone doesn't like long hair, then cool. that's their business. but the minute they start harassing other people about the length of their hair, they've crossed a line. what makes us different from animals is our ability to take our immediate reactions and distinguish them from how we behave. for example, i would never tell someone "i think that particular shade of hair color makes you look like a trashy 2 dollar skank". i may think it, but i'll never say it. it's not my hair, i don't have to look at it every time i pass a mirror, i don't have to let it infect my every waking thought.


the people who make these negative comments on a regular basis have definitely taken a personal preference and made it into a control issue. somehow, they've convinced themselves that their own personal preferences and opinions supersede those of others and become offended when someone waves it off so they continue to say these things in hopes of shaming, guilt-tripping, or coercing the other person to make changes that comply with these opinions. that's a d***head thing to do.

ITA with all of the above and especially the bolded. I don't think that most people are jealous. It may make us feel better to think it though.

I have curly hair, and many people don't like the aesthetics of curls. They prefer the sleek, straight, super-shiny look. I can't change their attitude about aesthetics, and they are welcome to their views. I also don't feel like changing my curl pattern. I will get angry at totally inappropriate comments, but, I don't feel the need to get bent out of shape just because someone else doesn't like it.

I also agree that it's not the personal preference, but the inappropraite expression of it, and the view that "my way is the highway."

Is it really any different when posters here decry shorter styles as "trendy" (meaning it as an insult), accuse them of following the crowd, or question the femininity of a woman who chooses to wear short hair?

[Sheltie_Momma]

I imagine people like or dislike long hair for many reasons. What I don't understand are the unsolicited comments and advice. Those are just poor manners. I don't know why people think it's okay to be rude--it isn't just long hair, it's weight (both thinner and heavier than average), clothing, and just about any other personal characteristic. I think this rudeness is a social problem, but I don't know what to do about it. I just try to respond in a non-rude way, even when a pithy comeback would feel gratifying.

This is my take as well. I was raised that you don't ever make personal comments or ask questions about someone's appearance.

For the most part I am raising my children this way as well, although if they ask me normal children's questions I will answer (i.e why does that man have a wheel chair or guide dog or something like that) because they are just learning about the world and these are opportunities to have healthy discussions about diversity.

My son has longer hair (8 is Enough type style) -that is at about collar bone. It is honey blond, thick, straight and just beautiful. One time on the playground a kid said something like "Your hair is too long, long hair isn't for boys" then my son said "Oh yeah, well I have a penis so I am a boy and I have long hair AND I can run faster than you!"

[earthdancer]

I also agree that it's not the personal preference, but the inappropraite expression of it, and the view that "my way is the highway."

Is it really any different when posters here decry shorter styles as "trendy" (meaning it as an insult), accuse them of following the crowd, or question the femininity of a woman who chooses to wear short hair?

There is a huge difference; here we are discussing our personal preferences among ourselves, where no one knows who we are or who we are talking about. We aren't forcing our opinions on someone to his/her face, whether or not it is appropriate or appreciated. If you want to be the thought police, count me out.

[TokyoPink]

One time on the playground a kid said something like "Your hair is too long, long hair isn't for boys" then my son said "Oh yeah, well I have a penis so I am a boy and I have long hair AND I can run faster than you!"What a fantastic comeback! I see a future LHC-er in the making? :p

And I agree, people are extremely rude about various parts of other peoples appearance. I once had a guy my age come up to me and say 'Why are you so pale? You're like... white. I dont like it, you should use fake tan' I have very pale skin (seriously, its almost blue) and although I've had similar comments before no one has ever really been so rude about it. All I could really think was if he'd gone up to a black person and been like 'Wow your skin is so dark, you should use skin lighteners, ect' it would probably be taken as racism.
As for hair, I'm naturally auburn and I've had my fair share of 'ginger' comments in my time. It has since been every colour under the sun, and suffered for it, now I'm regrowing it and I'm loving the colour my roots are! I think the people who say these horrible, rude comments are just victims of ignorance and social conditioning (similar concepts, I think...) and if someone says something mean about my hair once its all grown out I will look at those peoples fried, bleached, tortured hair and say: 'I never knew the haystack look was getting so fashionable'

[Reptilia]

"why do you keep a long hair style anyway? You always wear it up...Why don't you ever style it?"



I can't tell you how many times I've heard that, and my hair isn't even that long! And I don't wear it up THAT often!

[AuntyClaus]

The only negative comment I've gotten was from a man - my father. The last time I visited, he told me "it looks like a big mess." And "your hair could be so pretty if you'd do something with it." Plus he tried to hand me a pair of scissors a couple of times.

If somebody handed me the scissors, I'd be awfully tempted to cut off a clump of their hair. :twisted:

[longinthehair]

Sheesh..just had to re-read this whole thread. Feeling a little discouraged because I was visiting my mother today (now just to put in perspective she's mid-80's, looks mid-70's)..and once again, she says to me - Now you're at the age when your hair should be cut back to shoulder-length. So stupid me, I went into a little ranting and raving, nicely mind you, but I find it very frustrating and quite a downer when she says this sort of thing to me. It plays on my mind..in the back of my mind, it makes me think, 'well gee if my own mother thinks I don't look so good, that couldn't be very good.'
At the time (it's a hot day) I had my hair in a side braid, had walked a considerable distance in the heat..and there were stray hairs sticking around on the opposite side of my head from the braided side, I guess looking a little dishevelled..so she started out with "What are those hairs on the side...don't you think your hair should be framing your face...blah, blah, blah..at your age."
Stupidly I fell into the conversation, mentioning yet again that I wear my hair all sorts of ways, big buns included, with all sorts of interesting adornments in it..if people are bored with it, that those should be enough to entertain them, etc., etc.

She mentioned about saving the buns for when I'm older...honest to God, a person can't win.
I told her I can't do anything about my age, having hair coming around my chin, blow-drying every day, walking outside only to have the weather undo everything is just not helpful for me..been there, done that..I am aging..deal with it.

So re-reading this thread I think helps me a little, and I am reminded that she is very much a controlling personality in many respects, so maybe this is why she makes such comments. Who knows, but it's certainly discouraging. I know I shouldn't take it to heart, but at times it's difficult not to do so. Maybe this was why I could never get past bsl when I was a teenager!?!

And of late I have been encouraging her to keep her hair longer, which she has a bit and is enjoying her usual perms but with more hair..and she says she's glad hers has a little more length with her perms! Go figure. Mothers, what! Their perogatives are perplexing. I try to avoid this pushing of opinions w. my daughter (to a certain extent for sure).

Anyway - thanks for all previous encouraging comments.

[keight425]

My Mom always says I look like a librarian with long hair (put up into any sort of up-do). SOOOOOOOO ANNOYING!!!

[juliaxena]

I'm surprised you get so many negative comments...I almost can't believe it. I it's that bad, there's something seriously wrong with people around you. Or maybe some may be overly sensitive to other people's reactions. I think some people really don't like long hair. Maybe they think very long hair has split ends by default and that's why they think it doesn't look healthy. I can't stand split or uneven end myself. Mine are uneven but I have soooo short hair I have to let them grow for a while or I will get discouraged in my getting long hair journey. I agree with the person that said people should keep their mouths shut, not criticise in a bitchy way. But also, if you know people don't mean anything bad by it, we also shouldn't get so insulted if they comment in a not rude way. After all, if we are sure we are doing what we want and like how our hair looks...other just don't matter.

[Eireann]

I have opinions on how people might look better (hair, clothes, etc) but I would never DREAM of saying something unless I was asked for advice, and even then I would make every effort to make sure my comments didn't come across as insulting. For instance I see people with prematurely grey hair (like I would have if I didn't color it), and I think about how they might look with dyed hair (better or worse. . .it depends on the person), but whatever conclusions I draw, they are really about ME and MY preference for not going prematurely grey. For instance, if someone looks fantastic with grey hair, I think "maybe I should try it", or if they don't I think "that's why I choose to color my hair." But really, my opinions on their hair is about how I choose to wear MY hair, so I keep them to myself, where they belong!

[pradabacon]

^^Eireann...that's the policy I use too. :laugh: Think it! Don't say it!

I can't remember ever getting a negative comment about my hair. Probably because the only people I usually see are either family members and close friends or complete strangers. I'm not much of a socializer and I work from home, so I have very few potentially snarky acquaintances. Yay!

The only time I interact with people I don't really know well is when I deal with school or activities for my stepson, and the kids think my hair is fun to play with and the parents and teachers are pretty laid-back. One of his teachers is a longhair herself.

[Funsizedbaby]

I think long hair is beautiful as long as you take care of it. I have seen people who have long hair that looks dirty and ratty and to me that is not beautiful. I think having long hair is a big decision to make.

[Johanna]

It wasn't really a hair comment, but I did have my braid yanked on twice in the last two days. It hurt a fair bit too :(
I am expecting a ton of negative comments at Christmas though. My family has never really been supportive of my long hair quest.

[ravenreed]

The thing to remember about the internet, and youtube is particularly bad, is that there are people who will say ANYTHING to make someone upset. I see it all the time. The best way to fight back is to just let it roll over you...

[Aer]

I guess some of it may be jealousy, some of may be because it's not the main trend at the moment so there for, to them, it's not cool. Some people really think they are giving constructive advice when they comment, some are just @$$^%!!$.

[frizzalot]

Just thought some may find this interesting from the alternate universe...

My family is originally from mauritius, but i was raised in the uk. Up to age 21 i had just below bum length hair before i cut it to bsl (split ends up to my elbows).

Back there nearly ALL females have long hair (past their butt). Anything shorter and you would be considered ugly. i went to school there for a year when i was eight, and there was only one girl with shoulder length hair in my class, the rest wore them in long braids.
usually they have their plaited, but on weddings and other festivals they leave their hair down or have beautiful hair toys etc.
My younger sister hair was longer than mine and way thicker and whenever we would go there on holiday she would always get compliments. i was so jealous.
In the last 3~5yrs or so the richer women have been cutting their hair shoulder or higher, i guess to look more westernised. it'll probably become more mainstream.
My dad told me his friend saw a women with knee length hair and immediately proposed. Hes a massive advocate of long hair.

I always had it drilled into my head that only long hair is beautiful and anything above waist is ugly. after i cut it my parents kept telling me i looked like a boy(at bsl) and why dont i just cut it all off and my sister even cried when i chopped it. When my older sister cut her hair just below shoulder length she always used to leave the house with her hair done up so parents wouldn't notice :D then undo it when she was safely far away.

i got more negative comments as a short hair than as a long hair! i got tons of compliements on my butt length dry split end hair and none on healthier 'normal looking' bsl length.

[theboredelf]

Unfortunately, negative comments on my hair are kind of a norm for me anymore.

I think I took them worse when I was little because I absolutely HATE having my hair short, and I felt helpless and vulnerable when an adult would say something about the length. One of my father's friends loved to say "You have so much hair, would you mind giving some of it to me?" which never failed to make me start crying into my mother's shoulder... And my hair wasn't even that long, only about waist length.

Now, the only people who comment regularly are my father's family, who I am estranged from, and my mother's friends who "haven't seen me since I had that too-cute pixie cut in 4th grade." If someone makes ONE even "well-meaning" rude comment or joke I slowly stop talking to them. I can't deal with that kind of stress. It's actually entertaining when I'm interviewing a potential employee and they'll make a really horrible comment, like "Can't you afford to cut your hair?" I so desperately want to respond with, "I'm wearing Marc Jacobs, what do you think?" But I usually just say "I'm sorry, but we don't have any open positions that fit your qualifications." :o

[starlights]

Its natural some people get jealous of others hair. When someone disses your hair you need to weigh it up. I mean one girl at work said i once had loads of split ends (when I did not) I asked alot of my friends to verify and they all agreed my hair was healthy. Then someone mentioned this girl didnt have her real hair anyway... so then i laughed. This jealous work colleague was taking out her hair insecurity out on me.
I would say stand up for your hair! dont let anyone put it down! but afterwards try and forget the comment as its the other persons insecurity not yours.
However if a good friend says something about your hair I would listen because true friends like the hair friends here will only give good advice on hair. Take advise from those with great hair themselves not those who have shabby hair, LOL

[Elenna]

I'm going to have to agree, there is definitely a difference between being rude and being honest. I've heard the "long hair like that makes you look like an old lady" thing but it's easy to dismiss since I have a baby face to start with and the comment is often followed by "especially with no make-up like that". Both of those sound strange to me because I thought make-up was something younger people need even less since it's typically used to cover up aging. Also, it's usually easier to grow your hair when you're young. However, if you have long hair when you're in your 40s or 50s, they tell you it's something only young girls should wear. Go figure. My long hair "boring with no layers" makes me look like an old lady. Thanks. I like my hair.


I'm not sure about the envy part. I often feel it's too easy when we brush off negative comments of any kind by saying, "oh well, they're envious, that's all". Often, this is not true. People really don't like long hair, many of them. For them, long hair is threatening. And it is thus for exactly the same reasons that we like it.... For women of my age, the resistance against long hair becomes really aggressive at times. People would love to tell me right out: you have no right anymore to have anything attractive about you. You must try to look younger, but please without reminding us that you are still a woman, albeit a useless one. Because this is the true cruel message of all those "you should really cut, at your age"-remarks that I get regularly. I get them only, only from women, and usually very veiled. And mostly from women my age and older....

Most of the women in my age group have short, dyed, fried or permed hair. It is highly processed hair (howbeit fashionable) that costs a lot of money to create and maintain. It's trendy, yes! Pretty, IMHO no! So a person with longish (say BSL) graying hair that is a mix of random colors (brown and grey) appears before their eyes, then that's not acceptable. The growing out stage from short, dyed hair to long, natural hair is a "work in progress." It takes a long time to grow out. So their vehemently voiced opinions hurt. I'm not trying to change my age with makeup, hair dye, clothing, etc so why is this frowned upon by other women? What insecurities does gray hair and an apparent inattention to style bring out? On the other hand, I've gotten so many compliments from guys. They seem to like natural hair colors like silver.

[Locksmith]

There was a girl at school who used to tell me that my hair was "too long". I never gave a stuff, because if "nice hair" according to her meant having bleached, highlighted, blowfried, straightened, roots-showing hair like hers, I'm glad she didn't like mine! :p

Also she was a cow and I didn't care for her opinion ;)

[Sissy]

we all make a choice on how we want to wear our hair (color, length, etc) and if we do something not considered norm (dye it a wild color, have excessive length, etc) then we will probably draw some attention and comments. Some might be nice, others not so.

The thing the co-worked said to your friend would hurt me very much... the youtube comments would not. On youtube, there are so many people just posting crazy things to try to get a rise, etc and the nasty comments should not be taken seriously. The co-worker well perhaps she just doesn't like long hair or doesn't like multi-colored hair or whatev... she shouldn't have really brought that up, it's kinda rude and potentially hurtful to the other girl.

[Sissy]

When someone disses your hair you need to weigh it up. I mean one girl at work said i once had loads of split ends (when I did not) I asked alot of my friends to verify and they all agreed my hair was healthy.
I would say stand up for your hair! dont let anyone put it down! but afterwards try and forget the comment as its the other persons insecurity not yours.
However if a good friend says something about your hair I would listen because true friends like the hair friends here will only give good advice on hair. Take advise from those with great hair themselves not those who have shabby hair, LOL

That's good advice. Actually, I was in the hair dressers with my husband last night (he was getting a haircut) and the stylist proceeded to start touching my hair and holding it up and telling me I should lose the last four inches or so because I have a lot of split ends. I do tend to get split ends and I S&D all the time to keep up with them but there is no way I'm letting her take off 4 inches LOL.

[jasper]

I used to have very negative thoughts about a coworkers longer-than-classic hair. And thankfully I never let my thoughts out as a negative comment. I don't think it was envy or jealousy. I think it was actually over active empathy. She always wore her hair down and just imagining and internalizing the worry and inconvenience of having long loose hair in our work environment made me so uncomfortable. Anyway, I kept my mouth shut, but I always wished she would cut it. Maybe people who make these comments just aren't good at containing themselves.

[zule]

My younger sister is always pushing me to dye my hair. She's been doing it at least five years. I asked her if it made her feel older herself since I was gray. She said no, just that she thought no woman should go gray.

She also told me that no older woman should have long hair. Hers is shoulder length. She's bought into that hook, line and sinker. "It drags your face down."

I get the usual comments about cutting and selling my hair. I don't get into the problems of Locks of Love, but do say that selling your hair only helps the extensions industry. I'm not about to cut my hair so that some other woman can pretend to have it. What a nutty idea.

Yeah, I think no one should be commenting on anyone else's "look." It's mine, and I'm keeping it! ;)

[jojo]

To be perfectly honest I couldnt give a flying duck (;o)) what people think of my hair and I certainly don't waste my energy worrying about what people think , its my hair on my head, my buisness!

I get it all the time the little sarcastic comments heck..whatever! but I suppose if there talking about me, it saves some other poor soul there nasty comments!

At the end of the day were all entitled to our opinions, lets face it, it would be a boring world if we all like the same!

[Alexannee10]

A girl who is studying in hairdressing (?) asked me two days ago if I wanted a hair metamorphose because I &#171;needed&#187; one. Aparantly, my hair is too long. No thanks..

[BranwenWolf]

The immature part of me likes annoying people without doing much. If someone feels the need to tell me my hair is too long/not colored enough, it gives me a small, wicked satisfaction.

I KNOW at least couple of them were jealous... they weren't natural blondes. Amazing that most people's hair grows better when you're not bleaching and straightening it...

[Blondschopf]

People feel it's their right to talk about them or express their opinion

Now that is a really interesting point. I'm german and I'ver wondered some time now, why germans (and europeans in general i guess) are a little less likely to comment on whatever.

In University we had a very interesting lesson with my english teacher (born in the US) about the westboro baptist church, what they are, why they do it and why this is kinda unheard of in europe ;) (not familiar with WBC? no prob: they spread hateful sayings like "god hates america" and "god hates fags" and almost always get away with it in court because of "freedom of speech")

I guess you can boil it down to the simple fact that in germany, you can get in trouble for saying sth. A LOT FASTER than in the US. I'll give you an example.
You say "Heil Hitler", you directly and immediately have a big problem. If you repeat this sentence a few years and spread other types of hateful sayings, you can even wind up in jail.
This is because of our history of course, but in normal life the rules are stricter too. For example, you can't go about and say: "politician xy is a dumb *******" in the media (privately, of course, you can). Because although politicians have to take a lot in our country, they can sue you for very (and personally) insulting words.

Okay back to topic: I think, because of these definitions of "freedom of speech" and the fact that most americans think that freedom of speech is much more important than ANYBODY's feelings, americans TEND TO comment much more rude, direct, and - on occasions - hateful.
Don't get me wrong, this is of course not a rant against americans, I just feel that way. Maybe you can tell me a little bit more about these differences in freedom of speech?

Quite a long text now, sorry -.-

[Juneii]

there are people who don't like long hair and within those people are people who aren't afraid to say it
same as there are people who don't like short and within those people are people who aren't afraid to say it.

I honestly just ignore them, it's their opinion. If other people eat food or do things that I think is unhealthy or gross I tell them so I guess it's not my place to get angry if they think my hair looks unhealthy.

[paintedmuse]

I too have wondered many times how it is possible for some here to get such rude comments. In Switzerland, maybe in Europe in general, strangers don't comment openly. They might whisper something in their friends ear, but they would never tell you directly, especially if it is negative. This seems to be very different in America.

[Paladin]

Seeing as my hair has never been that long, I've yet to enter the realm of receiving hair comments from random people. However, my family members have made comments, not all negative though.

From my father:

"You're going to be the daughter I've always wanted!"
"How do you expect to get a job with long hair?"


From my niece (at 9 years old):
"You look like a girl!" Typical right? :p

But then, from my grandmother when she saw I was growing it out again:

"I always thought you looked so handsome with long hair!" :cheese:

[Fethenwen]

I too have wondered many times how it is possible for some here to get such rude comments. In Switzerland, maybe in Europe in general, strangers don't comment openly. They might whisper something in their friends ear, but they would never tell you directly, especially if it is negative. This seems to be very different in America.
I got that impression too, but I also got the impression (when visiting the states) that americans tend to talk to strangers a lot more than in Europe. They do a lot of small talk, which I guess leads sometimes to unfriendly comments.

[pepperminttea]

I got that impression too, but I also got the impression (when visiting the states) that americans tend to talk to strangers a lot more than in Europe. They do a lot of small talk, which I guess leads sometimes to unfriendly comments.

Same. I spent a year in AK doing the exchange student thing; people definitely talk to strangers more. Sometimes it's lovely, talking to people on buses and planes. Other times... well. :disgust:

[alys]

You know, I've been perusing this site long enough to have seen/read lots of long haired people posting negative or 'ignorant' commentary and opinions about those who A) use cones B) use color C) use heat stylers D) wear short hair, etc. How is that any different than someone posting negative comments about long hair?

[nmarie33]

Okay back to topic: I think, because of these definitions of "freedom of speech" and the fact that most americans think that freedom of speech is much more important than ANYBODY's feelings, americans TEND TO comment much more rude, direct, and - on occasions - hateful.
Don't get me wrong, this is of course not a rant against americans, I just feel that way. Maybe you can tell me a little bit more about these differences in freedom of speech?

You're right, freedom of speech is one of the basic rights of our nation and so we feel free to take advantage of it! :p Including people who are jerks and want to make comments about others' personal appearance.

But honestly, in the U.S. you may be pretty unpopular if you go around saying "Heil Hitler!" all day, but it is definitely legal. As long as you are not defaming anyone or inciting a riot, you can say what you like, which is a great thing about our country. It also gives crazies free reign, but what are you going to do? I hold some pretty unpopular opinions myself, and I'm glad that I am able to express them without fear of getting locked up!

[burns_erin]

You know, I've been perusing this site long enough to have seen/read lots of long haired people posting negative or 'ignorant' commentary and opinions about those who A) use cones B) use color C) use heat stylers D) wear short hair, etc. How is that any different than someone posting negative comments about long hair?

That is a good point (though I have not seen to many on cones, and it is a scientific fact that colorants with ammonia or bleach is damaging as it heat styling). It is a reactionary response, it explains it but does not excuse it.

[Stephichan]

You know, I've been perusing this site long enough to have seen/read lots of long haired people posting negative or 'ignorant' commentary and opinions about those who A) use cones B) use color C) use heat stylers D) wear short hair, etc. How is that any different than someone posting negative comments about long hair?

I think the difference is that we're not saying those things to the faces of people who use such things. Or, in the case of the internet, posting such things on their facebooks, youtubes, etc. The girl who sits in front of me in one of my classes has fried and tangled hair, but I would never say anything about it to her, especially if she's happy with it like that. However, a lot of the people we're complaining about have this idea that they can say whatever they want to us about our hair because we're different.

I think most of the commentary you mention is simply because of the irony of these situations. Person A who fries their hair, rips through it with damaging brushes and coats on product to make it look "nice" is telling person B that her carefully cared for and maintained hair is "unkempt" and "ugly".

I was always told as a child "treat others as you would like to be treated" and "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Apparently other people were not told the same (that's towards the other people, not you alys =))

[In2JC724]

I've had long hair my entire life, and the only person who really ever said anything to me that offended me was my cousin. She has this crazy thick hair, probably around 5 inches, of which I would LOVE to have. She's very mean to it, and seemed to only keep it long for the attention it got her... Anyways, she'd always say things like, "oh, your hair is soooo thin" and "oh, your hair is frizzy" Um... I finally told her that she's the only person to EVER say my hair is thin.. I've been to a few hairstylists, who handle peoples hair all day long, and who I would think would have a pretty good grasp on what is thin and what is thick. They always comment on how thick my hair is.. Of course then she said that she comments on it because she wishes her hair was thinner, and easier to take care of. Sure.

The frizzy comments usually came after I had blow dried my hair... it wasn't frizzy. I don't have curly enough hair to get frizzy hair.

I was selling Avon a few years ago and this chick said to me, "you know... we have products for frizzy hair" I just looked at her and then ignored her... This was coming from a chick with this weird short bowl cut that was shaved underneath, and clearly hadn't been brushed... If I had the guts to say what comes to my mind I'd have told her, "We also sell hair brushes" in my "sweetest" of voices.. lol

Recently I was talking to a friend about this site, and growing my hair another four inches or so, and how I had dyed it, as I'm also trying to get back to my natural blonde color without actually bleaching it.

Anyways, I posted on facebook about dyeing my hair and people wanted before and after pics.. well as you all know, going from dark to light is hard, and there really isn't much change except to blend my virgin hair with the very dark ends.

This chick commented on my before and after pics and said that

"If you cut off a few inches, it'll make the color come out more"

WHAT?!?! Since when does the length of your hair affect the color?

Then my friend was all, Well yea, you could use a few inches cut off.. I'm like, why? And she said "Well, in the pic your ends didn't look very good, but they don't look like that in person..."

I said, "Well, I am trying to go for length right now and then once I get there, I'll maintain and my ends will thicken up." I said, "I don't have split ends on the ends of my hair.. the ends are actually more healthy than the middle part, that's where the split ends are." Which I'm am steadfastly S&D'ing :D

Anyways, the pics are on my profile, and you can see for yourselves. I know my hemline isn't the thickest, and I have layers growing out. But it is straight and healthy. So, I am working on ignoring the comments and waiting it out. I know my hemline will be much thicker and fuller once those layers grow out, and I'm maintaining at 40" or so. :D

[Juliannaissance]

One thing I really hated was that a friend of mine said: "you shouldn't grow your hair that long, it looks nasty." And It was at hip length then.

Also one of my cousins would tell me constantly that I should cut my hair, because that's how people have it...UGGGHHhh!!!!!

[Aeltt]

Now that is a really interesting point. I'm german and I'ver wondered some time now, why germans (and europeans in general i guess) are a little less likely to comment on whatever.

In University we had a very interesting lesson with my english teacher (born in the US) about the westboro baptist church, what they are, why they do it and why this is kinda unheard of in europe ;) (not familiar with WBC? no prob: they spread hateful sayings like "god hates america" and "god hates fags" and almost always get away with it in court because of "freedom of speech")

I guess you can boil it down to the simple fact that in germany, you can get in trouble for saying sth. A LOT FASTER than in the US. I'll give you an example.
You say "Heil Hitler", you directly and immediately have a big problem. If you repeat this sentence a few years and spread other types of hateful sayings, you can even wind up in jail.
This is because of our history of course, but in normal life the rules are stricter too. For example, you can't go about and say: "politician xy is a dumb *******" in the media (privately, of course, you can). Because although politicians have to take a lot in our country, they can sue you for very (and personally) insulting words.

Okay back to topic: I think, because of these definitions of "freedom of speech" and the fact that most americans think that freedom of speech is much more important than ANYBODY's feelings, americans TEND TO comment much more rude, direct, and - on occasions - hateful.
Don't get me wrong, this is of course not a rant against americans, I just feel that way. Maybe you can tell me a little bit more about these differences in freedom of speech?

Quite a long text now, sorry -.-

Weeeell, I have a friend who have an... original style (inspired from japanese street-styles).
I agree it can be shocking (though i think it's cute, but not the topic), she also wear lot of colors, and people keep saying nasty comment.
Every time we hang out she gets insulted.
So Frenches can be as (more ?) rude as Americans. :D

The same goes for long hair, they don't like it, it's different, it shocks them, okay. But why don't they shut the * up ? :confused:

[curlylocks85]

Now that is a really interesting point. I'm german and I'ver wondered some time now, why germans (and europeans in general i guess) are a little less likely to comment on whatever.

In University we had a very interesting lesson with my english teacher (born in the US) about the westboro baptist church, what they are, why they do it and why this is kinda unheard of in europe ;) (not familiar with WBC? no prob: they spread hateful sayings like "god hates america" and "god hates fags" and almost always get away with it in court because of "freedom of speech")

I guess you can boil it down to the simple fact that in germany, you can get in trouble for saying sth. A LOT FASTER than in the US. I'll give you an example.
You say "Heil Hitler", you directly and immediately have a big problem. If you repeat this sentence a few years and spread other types of hateful sayings, you can even wind up in jail.
This is because of our history of course, but in normal life the rules are stricter too. For example, you can't go about and say: "politician xy is a dumb *******" in the media (privately, of course, you can). Because although politicians have to take a lot in our country, they can sue you for very (and personally) insulting words.

Okay back to topic: I think, because of these definitions of "freedom of speech" and the fact that most americans think that freedom of speech is much more important than ANYBODY's feelings, americans TEND TO comment much more rude, direct, and - on occasions - hateful.
Don't get me wrong, this is of course not a rant against americans, I just feel that way. Maybe you can tell me a little bit more about these differences in freedom of speech?

Quite a long text now, sorry -.-

I am not trying to be difficult, but whenever these types of post come up it seems someone or multiple people feel the need to generalize about Americans and say they we are a rude country or whatever it is, they feel about Americans or the culture, which changes from state to state, family to family ect...


I am not saying that some of the people here are not rude, but to group us all together is not right. Remember that a lot of people come here from different countries and after a certain point are considered Americans. So, when we are grouped like that you include everyone, which is just a generalization and still not right.


All I am trying to say is that the bashing of the US seems a bit much. Not every American is rude. There are many nice people here and it would be nice if we stopped the bashing, hair related or otherwise.


I am not saying this to you personally, I have just read some post where people like to bash America, and I felt like commenting on it since I am American and do not feel this is right.


This is in no way an argument starter, just an observation.

[martyna_22]

And here it comes again. I came back to my dorm 2 weeks ago and my roomate keeps telling me to cut my hair. We were talking about genes and all that, when I said I inherited roundish face shape from my mom.. and that I don't really like it... and she advised me to cut my hair short so it won't seem so round. My other roomate immediately said that's rubbish and I agree... I think it might have something to do with jealousy since nobody's really remerked on my hair negatively, only this particular person. Let me just add that she also said my stunning blonde friend that she'd look better in platinium blonde.. It seems to me she likes to have the best hair around even though she uses chemicals and blow dries her hair every single day... She also seemed happy when a girl from my class chopped off give or take 8 inches of amazing, healthy natural blonde hair...

I'm sorry for ranting, I just feel really frustrated. I don't know how I'll put up with it anymore.. Let me just add that I've been nothing but kind to her. And still I'm going to be. I'm just not the kind of person that likes to hurt others.. or likes to be hurt, for that matter.

[shushifruit]

No.
No, I do not.
I pull a flying triangle immediately and choke the sh** out of them.

Ok, that's not true.
I'd probably do the same thing you did. A look can speak volumes and being that I insist on being the child in my household, immaturity be damned.

[jacqueline101]

I think it's envy. They want it but can't achieve it.

[MissCarrion]

My mother always says how amazing my hair is (she made me cut it short when I was about 9-10 since I kept passing out from heatstroke in school cause of the thickness of it, and I don't think she ever forgave herself as it was longish before that - but I'm glad she did, it made the end or primary school a LOT easier when you didn't feel like your head was on fire), and that I should only ever cut it short if it's what I want to do. Her mum had very long hair before she had children (from mum's descriptions I'd say at least down to her waist if not further), and her friends told her it wasn't right for a woman with children to have such long hair, so she chopped it all off and kept it short from then on. So that always helps me if people are making rude comments - some kind of warped "my mum says it's okay so pfffffft" XD

My aunt always asks why I keep it long as I don't often wear it out, and since I wore it up all the time it would make more sense just to cut it short. I just said I like it long and left it at that - I don't think she was convinced. If I do wear it out/not in a bun people always comment on how long it is, and ask what charity I'm growing it for. It's a pain sometimes cause people don't seem to understand that some people just like having long hair. On the flip side, a friend of mine who previously had long hair got it chopped off into a pixie cut (she'd had long hair since she was really little and wanted a change, and the pixie cut suited her really, really well too), and people always would say "Oh, what charity did you cut your hair off for?" and stuff like that - seems people just can't keep their nose out of other people's business!

[dulce]

Melisande had a very insightful post,and I think very valid observations regarding older ages,
older ladies with long hair and how some other older ladies can view that.She is 49 and I am 61 and I couldn't agree more.I have been criticised for my long gray hair by other older ladies[never a man yet though!]Even a bright red coat I was wearing at a store caused an older lady[stranger],to walk by me,stop,look me up and down very critically and say to me in a very negative voice''. that's a very bright coat.''At older ages we are supposed to be good and ''disappear'',bright clothes,long hair do not follow those societal rules and it makes a lot of older ladies afraid or annoyed if we do our own thing..I always thought when I was younger it must be so freeing to be old,to my surprise, now that I am old,it is even more restrictive with society's and other older ladies expectations.

[prettyinpink]

"its long in the front and too long in the back"

-_-

[Zindell]

You're right, freedom of speech is one of the basic rights of our nation and so we feel free to take advantage of it! :p Including people who are jerks and want to make comments about others' personal appearance.

But honestly, in the U.S. you may be pretty unpopular if you go around saying "Heil Hitler!" all day, but it is definitely legal. As long as you are not defaming anyone or inciting a riot, you can say what you like, which is a great thing about our country. It also gives crazies free reign, but what are you going to do? I hold some pretty unpopular opinions myself, and I'm glad that I am able to express them without fear of getting locked up!

I live in Sweden and of course we have freedom of speech here as well. I'm pretty sure most of the members of TLHC live in countries where you can speak out openly without fear of getting locked up. It is by no means a unique feature for the USA.

But freedom of speech does not mean that you have to get rude and hurt peoples feelings. That's common sense to me.

Or as a great rabbit once said: "If you can't say something nice... don't say nothing at all." :o

[maegalcarwen]

I think long hair is beautiful, but let's face it, it can be very ugly too. I'v seen so many people who just don't care about their hair. Always makes me said. But it's their choice, just as much as having long, healthy hair is mine. Live and let live.

[MonaMayfair]

It's NOT envy, at least in most cases. People really need to get over themselves and stop thinking everyone is envying their hair.
Most people don't think ultra long hair is attractive. I used to have classic length mostly because I couldn't be bothered to cut it, but I'd hate to have it that long now. I like hair up to waist length (though I prefer mbl) and don't like the look of anything longer (naturally I wouldn't comment on anyone's hair unless they asked for my opinion, and then I wouldn't be rude to them - but that is my opinion, and I LIKE "long' hair, just not extremely long)