I need your wisdom...pretty please?

[Torrin Paige]

As some of you know, I have a channel over on Ye Olde You Tube where I post hair tutorials and whatnot. Up until now I've been taking requests and trying my best to make everyone happy, but lately I find myself getting a bit miffed. I suppose I thought that people would ask for things like, "Do you have any idea on a cool style for prom?" or "What's the quickest way to get my hair out of the way?" or what have you. At first everyone was really nice about it and I met a lot of cool people and have had some really neat discussions and really felt like I have helped some people out, which was my main goal. Now I need some help.

So I recently posted this on my profile:
I will not be taking any more requests until further notice. There are three reasons: 1. I've got a busy summer ahead of me and I like to do requests in a timely fashion if I can and I don't think I'll be able to. 2. The requests lately have been really out there and/or really difficult. I'm not a miracle worker, people. Just an amateur who likes playing with her hair. Some of these are just too much like work and aren't very fun. 3. Some requesters have been kind of rude and really pushy. I am not a trained monkey here to amuse you. My feelings are a bit hurt and I'm feeling chaffed. So no requests for a little while until I get over it (and myself). Sorry.

I realize that the way it is worded may come across as a bit rude or angry, and while I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, I've been feeling a little abused by my inbox. I mean, some of these people are just out and out demanding that I do tutorials on things that I really have no interest in doing or I just don't have the skill set for. And I'm not even talking about the ****** people...I can deal with them. These are the regular gals that somehow have gotten it into their mind that when they say jump I say how high? Argh. Should I reword it and not take my frustration out on a paragraph that no one is likely to read anyway? Please give me your opinion so I can either remedy the situation or leave it be and stop worrying about it.

Thanks for your time!

[EvaSimone]

Umm personally I think your verbal spanking was okay. Not too harsh but still let people know you were aggravated.

I wouldn't feel bad about it; it's not like these people are paying you to do this stuff and sometimes people need to be reminded that they need to be appreciative and not demanding when someone is doing something out of kindness/hobby.

Personally I would add this line to the last point, "I am not a trained monkey here to dance for your amusement. . . unless you play a song I like." :lol:

[Torrin Paige]

I like that! I think it would help to take some of the harshness away too. Thank you!

[longhairedfairy]

I don't think there was anything wrong with your wording at all. I do like EvaSimone's suggestion, though! :D. If someone gets too pushy or rude you can block the user. I've had to do this many times. You can also report them for abuse here (http://www.google.com/support/youtube/bin/request.py)

[GlassEyes]

I see nothing wrong with that...though Eva's suggestion is amusing, nonetheless.

You weren't made to be their total hair resource, so if they're getting too pushy, that's perfectly fine. It's not as if you don't have better things to do. Sure, it's amusing/fun making tutorials, but still. I also back up blocking people.

That said, your tutorials are kind of awesome. :D I can see why they'd bug you for them, even though it's completely rude. No means no. XD;

[janeytilllie]

IMHO I think the wording is fine :) It's polite and doesn't sound rude at all. I love what EvaSimon put :rollin:

I agree what longhaired fairy has said. If some users are getting to be a bit too much and not understanding blocking is a good tool :D.

I hope the situation gets better for you :)

[AnnaMarie]

I think what you wrote was really good, it gets the point across without being rude.
I really hope it doesn't put you off making videos altogether as I really enjoy your tutorials!:)

[adventuring]

Wow, I'm sorry! I requested something from you recently (I'm JeVoitTout on YT; I asked if you knew how to do a braided headband), but I must admit, I normally don't read people's profiles, so I didn't see this!

I really do apologize if I offended you in any way. I appreciate your videos so, so much. They're what got me interested in growing out my hair! =)

[DragonLady]

I've been running internet forums for over ten years. The hardest parts for me was learning to set limits, to make it clear I have a real life away from my keyboard, and to hit the "ban" button when it it called for.

I think what you said was straight to the point, and that you have every right to guard your time and make sure that what you're doing for fun remains fun for you.

[hela]

Hi Torrin. I just recently discovered your channel while looking for things to do with my hair. I think you have a very didactic way of explaining things, and you seem to me to be charming and very funny.

Don't feel guilty for having to put down in words what should be understood. It's not your fault, it's that some people think the world revolves around them. You did a fine job when expressing your thoughts, straightforward but not offensive.

Kudos to you for your channel and keep surprising as all at your own pace, and only if you want to, of course!:cheer:

[Torrin Paige]

Wow, I'm sorry! I requested something from you recently (I'm JeVoitTout on YT; I asked if you knew how to do a braided headband), but I must admit, I normally don't read people's profiles, so I didn't see this!

I really do apologize if I offended you in any way. I appreciate your videos so, so much. They're what got me interested in growing out my hair! =)

LOL. No, you weren't one of my bad ones, not at all. You were very polite. Most of my peeps are great, I just have a few that are killing me. There was one gal who demanded I do a fishtail braid...not in a ponytail! after I had just posted the fishtail tutorial. I usually demonstrate most of my braids after ponying first because it's easier for me to keep track of and just easier for beginners to learn a new braid. I explained all of that and then I finally figured out that she wanted a French Fishtail (which I haven't learned yet...still working on that crown...lol) and when I told her I didn't know how...she told me to learn it now so I could do a tutorial. And she wanted a Gibson, too! Ack! I feel like beating my head off the desk.

I don't want my good peeps, like you, adventuring (JeVoiTout), to think I mean them. I will get to most of my requests at some point in time, I think I just need a break from a few...so it'll have to be everybody because that's only fair. Besides, if you think you may have offended me...then it wasn't you. People who message without thinking...often don't think at all and wouldn't really care, you know? Wow, I'm grouchy. I am so sorry. LOL. Oh, and I will still do vids...just ones that I want to do. :)

[adventuring]

LOL. No, you weren't one of my bad ones, not at all. You were very polite. Most of my peeps are great, I just have a few that are killing me. There was one gal who demanded I do a fishtail braid...not in a ponytail! after I had just posted the fishtail tutorial. I usually demonstrate most of my braids after ponying first because it's easier for me to keep track of and just easier for beginners to learn a new braid. I explained all of that and then I finally figured out that she wanted a French Fishtail (which I haven't learned yet...still working on that crown...lol) and when I told her I didn't know how...she told me to learn it now so I could do a tutorial. And she wanted a Gibson, too! Ack! I feel like beating my head off the desk.

I don't want my good peeps, like you, adventuring (JeVoiTout), to think I mean them. I will get to most of my requests at some point in time, I think I just need a break from a few...so it'll have to be everybody because that's only fair. Besides, if you think you may have offended me...then it wasn't you. People who message without thinking...often don't think at all and wouldn't really care, you know? Wow, I'm grouchy. I am so sorry. LOL. Oh, and I will still do vids...just ones that I want to do. :)

Of course! What you do is incredibly nice for long-haired girls, but ultimately it's got to be something you personally enjoy doing. You don't owe anybody anything! Your free time is yours to do with as you wish, and if your vids aren't exactly what these people want and they decide to be rude about it, then you know what? I'm sure they have ten working fingers and can eventually figure it out all by their demanding selves.

[Stevy]

Hey, it's perfectly OK to stand up to pushy people! I can't believe some woman told you to learn a style so that you could make a tutorial for her!

Speaking as someone who can do a French herringbone, I generally don't bother because it takes me hours and a lot of bad language to take it out again. If I were you, I'd let your rude questioner find that out for herself. :evil:

[Nat242]

Well phrased. I think you've responded very politely to very rude people. I don't think I could be as polite about it as you have been!

[Feye]

I'd say just ban the ones who annoy you. Life is too short to try to discuss with internet people who are disagreeable. You don't owe them anything, and it would be a shame if this would make you so fed up with Youtube that you quit altogether.

It seems like a good idea to stop doing requests (unless you feel inspired by a request and want to try it! That's a different thing). I agree that it makes it feel more like work and not play. If it's a difficult request - charge them! :P

[Torrin Paige]

Hey, it's perfectly OK to stand up to pushy people! I can't believe some woman told you to learn a style so that you could make a tutorial for her!

Speaking as someone who can do a French herringbone, I generally don't bother because it takes me hours and a lot of bad language to take it out again. If I were you, I'd let your rude questioner find that out for herself. :evil:

And you know the kicker? In my plain ol' fishtail tutorial I explain that I don't wear my hair that way very often because it is the dickens to take down and I always have tangles afterward. I think it's a beautiful braid, but my hair just doesn't like it.

And Feye, maybe I should charge! LOL. I actually had a nice gal write me and tell me I should compile them all on disc and sell them at the local bookstore and by mail order. I thought about it for half a second...but I mainly do the tutorials because I like doing them (mostly :) ) and I started doing them to help out my longhaired sisters and brothers. I figure if I give them enough options, maybe they won't go near scissors for awhile.

I want to thank everyone who responded. I knew I'd get quality advice from the wonderful people who frequent this community. You guys are the bees knees.

[spidermom]

I think what you wrote is fine. I'm a minimalist; all mine would say is NO MORE REQUESTS. I find that the more explanation you give people, the more they try to argue you out of it.

[Paper Moon]

Whenever you start something on YouTube, or even the internet/public in general, you open yourself up to the dregs/trolls/tards/rudes to have a field day. It just happens. It's important to stand up for yourself, and never let those people get to you, because the internet is FULL OF EM. What you wrote was a very nice way to put it. I would have banned anyone that annoyed me :P

[SimplyViki]

I think it's fine! Don't let other people sour something that you like to do. Some people just have an odd sense of entitlement. No need to explain things to them, because it'll never make any sense to them anyway.
I like your videos, and I agree with you about the fishtail braid - my hair gets super tangled when taking it out.

[Alia]

I really like your tutorials and learned to rope braid from one. :flower: That said, you don't have a boss ( :angry: learn that fishtail--NOW!!!) so this is all on your own terms. Not taking requests is perfectly reasonable.

[Pixna]

I love your tutorials, Torrin!!! My hair isn't long enough yet to do any of the styles (I'm growing it back to long from a pixie -- sigh), but I watch them because you are so instructive, fun, detail-oriented, talented, and intuitive. I take mental notes for what I will do (and what I need to watch again) when my hair gets longer.

I'm sorry you have been beleaguered by some rude, selfish, obnoxious, and/or persistent people who think you exist solely for their own benefit. It never ceases to amaze me what jerks can come out of the closet on the Web. I think your message is just fine -- sometimes blunt and direct is the only approach that works. But please don't stop making your videos. You are wonderful and have so much knowledge to impart!!!

[wackyredtangles]

I am agreeing with the wisdom of the other LHCers. You should do things to make you happy, and if their informative to the rest of us, great! If not, that's ok too.

Your videos are so awesome. I don't think I've ever told you how much I appreciate them. Its almost made me want to start some video tutorials of my own, but I'm too shy! I don't know how you put yourself out there like that for the whole world to see. Your videos are awesome, so you're completely justified in doing it. I just marvel at their awesomeness! Ever since I've seen that vid on creating fancy hairpins I've wanted to so much, but I'm moving soon and can't justify doing anything else that needs to be packed.

Anyways, hope everything works out for you!

[Ursula]

If you think the requests are being rude or pushy, you might want to report them to the mods. Particularly if it is only a few people doing this repeatedly.

Also, you should be aware that not everybody reads the profile pages much. (I don't.) So if you are still getting requests, despite your profile message, you might want to put a notice elsewhere.

To deal with the whole "friends list" issue effectively, I found I needed to address it by putting a message in my sig and in the title area of my journal, as well as on the profile page. There is no one good way to make sure that people get this sort of "please don't" information.

[babybabycat]

I have watched your you tube videos and they are wonderful!!
You are so sweet, giving and helpful to people!!

Post videos when you are inspired. When you don't have time, energy or interest, don't bother with posting at youtube.

You are doing the videos to help people become more informed about their hair, you are doing it to help people. Take some time for yourself & don't feel guilty!!!

You are the best!!

[enfys]

I've seen your videos and you aren't rude there, and that's what counts!

Not that I think you are but you have every right to be rude and tell people to not demand you do things they're too lazy to.

Why couldn't that girl find out herself how to fishtail braid? She'd get the same Google results as you!

If I ever asked requests nicely will you not hit me?

At the end of the day, you do what you enjoy how you enjoy. If that means no requests, which you were generous to offer in the first place, then so be it.

[feralnature]

Saying "no" is very empowering. You basically said no to people who were demanding too much of you. Do not allow feelings of guilt cloud your decision. The people who matter are genuine and caring and understand without further explanation because that is the kind of people they are :)

And as for me, I did not know of your videos so now I will have to go to you-tube and watch them all!

Also, go ahead and make a hair DVD and sell it, why not make a few bucks with your hair passion? Even with your videos already out there on the internet, you could still sell DVDs and people would benefit from your knowledge.

[WelshLocks]

I've been watching your tutorials for a while now and I think they are super helpful. I really appreciate you even putting them up for the public. It's really cool and I agree with Eva's suggestion about the music. :)

[GoddesJourney]

Hey Torrin. If you haven't put it together yet, it's MarriedaMonkey. I'm the "working on the crown braid" girl. I'm sorry that people are rude to you and I hope I never came off this way. I'm a fan of yours, obviously, as are many of us. However, if you would like to switch roles now and then and learn some new stuff, go to my page and check out my favorites. There are a handful of interesting videos about hairstyles. Some of them are a bit complicated for me, but I will try them one day anyway. One of those videos is this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Sot6Y4X9ro&feature=channel_page
which is a really excellent way to do a french braided fishtail, just in case you would like to learn.

Don't feel bad about putting your foot down. You're a generous and nice person, which is why it feels wrong to you to have to say no sometimes. Like you said though, you're no one's pet. Just because someone asks something, it doesn't mean you have to deliver.

Have a beautiful day.

[Tornerose]

I don't think you're beeing rude at all. You could get away with alot more than that if you want to. And you could also tell the person(s) to just go someplace warm ;)

But like the others have said, you might want to make a video saying it, because not alot of people visit profilepages after they hit "subsscribe". They just get the updates on their front page every time theres a new video out, and probably won't notice you've said you're stopping the requests.

[desertgirl]

Kudos to you for standing up for yourself! I don't think your statements were rude at all. I think they showed that you are human, not a super-robot.

It's always rough when you draw a line some place other people don't want it to be, but most of them will get over it and adjust to it. They might even appreciate you more as a kind, generous person rather than a machine that they put a request in and get what they want out.

If you get some hate mail because of it, try to forget about it. You did the right thing!

[Stacy_E]

Even people who get paid for services will have a sign up in their shop saying "We reserve the right to refuse service", and you totally have that right too. I can understand your desire to help (and the service you have provided is very valuable and appreciated by many), with that desire being so strong that you might even entertain unreasonable and demanding requests, but as others have so eloquently said, you have to set boundaries.

I like what Spidermom says, that the more you explain yourself, the more ammunition people have to argue with you. I have found that to be my experience as well. But if you have the desire to explain yourself to your fans and troublemakers, one possibility is to create a new video explaining how you feel, and that you are unable to take requests for awhile (if that is your wish) and why. But be prepared for a rash of comments from your nice people full of apologies. I don't know how your mean people will respond, but they may be more likely to get the message if you make a new video.

[LadyLongLocks]

I love your tutorials. You have been so helpful to many, including me!
I think what you wrote on your channel is fine...or you could take it a step further and make an actual youtube video about doing requests and perhaps how long it would take, what you will and will not do...and whatever you want to throw in!Then when someone goes too far, you link them to the video.
:)

see you on youtube!

[Torrin Paige]

You all are made of win! I know I should learn to say no. I am glad that I am taking the step to do so. Sometimes it's hard for me...not that I'm a doormat, mind you, but I guess I have doormat tendencies from time to time. :) I have taken all of your suggestions into account and have decided that I will make a vid explaining that I won't be doing requests for awhile. I think you all are correct in that no one really reads profiles (except for me, because I'm a dork like that) and it will be the best way to communicate my wishes to my viewership. (I'm still kind of befuddled about the fact that I HAVE a viewership.) I am also going to start using my block button. I need to stop being such a wuss about it and man-up! Ahem, woman-up! I just wanted to thank you all for your advice and support. You all rock so hard! I am grateful.

[hellkitty]

Sorry to just 'me too!' Torrin, but I also have SO enjoyed your videos. I've learned any number of different styles from you, including the figure 8 bun and thanks to you I *finally* figured out Chinese buns! (I also have major hair envy--yours is gorgeous!)

All I'm asking is take all the time you need, but please don't stop making videos altogether! Yours are the best on YouTube.

HK

[Elphie]

You are certainly kinder and nicer than I would have been. I am sure that your charming style will come across in a video explaining why you won't be doing requests any longer. I think that's a wonderful way to do it.

Make tutorials when you want to; it's your hobby, you should be doing it because you enjoy it. We're just happy to reap the benefits of your passion and expertise.