Facing increasing harassment...

[Shadow Walker]

It takes a lot to get me annoyed or worked up, but over the past year or so things have gotten really rough. Literally every day I'm harassed in some form because of my hair, and it's getting to be too much to deal with. I've got a really thick skin and I'm totally confident in having long hair, but I'm seriously considering cutting it back to maybe shoulder or APL, because having waist length hair is obviously drawing too much negative attention.

First off, my co-workers are the worst. The "you should cut your hair" comments I just pass off, but some of the more childish crap is getting to wear on my nerves. Every single day they either call me a girl, or gay (putting it nicely..), or refer to me by a female variant of my name, or they come up behind me and say "oh hey baby, let me get your number... oh sorry Chris, it's just you". I used to laugh it off, but now it's getting so annoying that my head is ready to explode. What's worse is when they yank on my hair (I have to tie it back for work since I work outdoors), so hard that at the top of my head where my part line ends I'm starting to get a bald spot, and my scalp hurts too. Heck, my supervisor even said that if I'm still working there in a few years and still growing my hair that he would "do me a favor and cut it".

I get no relief from my family either, they can be just as bad. My brothers refer to me as a girl as well, and my sister jokes about how I should be a bride's maid in her upcoming wedding, and that I look "gay" and should just cut it all off. I snapped on her today when she referred to me as a girl, and I told her that I get enough of this crap at work, and she seemed quite surprised at my reaction. And I can't even go out to buy a case of beer without getting snide comments from the guy at the counter who checks my ID (I have a buzzcut in my driver's license picture). It seems to happen every time and the other night was no exception, I ended up barking at him to just shut up and ring up my beer.

I really like having long hair, but having to deal with this day in and day out gets extremely frustrating. It's also making me a resentful, and at times, angry person...and that's not me. I don't see too many options here, I know that if I tried putting it in a bun or something to hide the length then I'll just get harassed even more for being a girl, and that's not something I want. This is just a really tough situation because I'm confident having long hair and wearing it down and stuff out in public, but the endless barrage of negativity is driving me nuts. It must seem kind of childish to let things like this get to me, but when it happens every single day for over a year and keeps getting worse, it really wears you down. I just don't know what to do...

[Themyst]

I highly recommend reading some of Philip Zimbardo's books. He was a Stanford psychology professor who has devoted his entire life to the study of human behavior - mostly, crowd following behavior. Once you see 1.) how foolish it is to follow the crowd and 2.) how foolish everyone else is by following the crowd, you might change your mind and actually embrace your ability to stand up and rise above their comments.

What a shame it would be for you to bow down to these people. You have gorgeous hair. I'd grow it down to my ankles just to spite them all.;)

[DragonLady]

Yikes. I'm sorry you're going through this. :(

My husband had hair much longer than your sig, and I don't think he had any of those troubles. But when he gets home I'll ask him, and see if he has any advice.

[ravenreed]

I had a guy friend with ap level hair, and I know he got a lot of flack at work, but he was also at least 10 years older and I think that it wasn't quite as bad as yours. I can understand why you would be frustrated to deal with that day in and day out.

[Flynn]

Ugh, adults can be such brats sometimes. How do you style it? You have such beautiful hair, I can see people harassing you if it was out or in a loose ponytail... Guys particularly aren't "meant" to have such lovely, silky, shiny hair! Maybe a braid, or something? (A humourous example: I have a mate of Scandanavian background (Sweedish, I think, but I'm not sure...) who was harassed over his dead-straight smooth blonde ponytail, so he started wearing braided pigtails. When people laughed at him and asked why, he'd growl, "because I'm a [unprintable]-ing viking, that's why!" People usually... left him well alone after that. *Laughs*)

Do you have any ... (what's the proper term...?) Indigenous American background? Can you pull that one to get people to leave you alone?

[longhairedfairy]

Speaking as someone with a LOT of gay friends and acquaintances, I have never seen any of them with long hair.
You are not the one being childish. They are.
I would file some kind of harassment claim. You could say they are pestering you about your beliefs, verbally and physically. Do you believe you have a right to have long hair if you so choose? If the answer is yes, then you are being 100% truthful. There are religions in which men are expected to grow their hair long. ETA: Native American ones, specifically.
ETA2: Personally, under no circumstances would I give in to such juvenile bullying.
Your hair is seriously thud-worthy, by the way.

[hennaphile]

They're jealous; chicks dig long hair.

[Flynn]

They're jealous; chicks dig long hair.

*Raises hand* Seconded!

[Cindi Eponabri]

Your hair is very cool. My husband hasn't cut his hair since 2000, but it's pretty much stuck at just below his shoulders. I do agree with some of the other comments.. it's might be your age, as my husband is nearly 60 and looks like Jerry Garcia, so maybe that's why he gets away with it.

Maybe you can remind people of other men with long hair to show that you are not that unusual. Even pictures of Jesus depicts him with long hair.

Families can be the worst. I am so tired of my family teasing me about one thing or another, that I now avoid them as much as possible.

I'm slowly learning that you can't change other people, you can only change how you react to them. Sometimes that's easier said than done.

[hennaphile]

*Raises hand* Seconded!

:eyebrows::happydance::hifive::rockerdud

[DecafJane]

When you get a bit older, it should calm down somewhat. :)

Your hair looks incredible!

[Debra83]

You should move to my town. Lots of guys here have hair past their mid back, and no one would dare comment to them. One of my coworkers brothers is about 50 and has hair almost to waist and wears it in a single ponytail, but with lots of multi coloured wool looking elastics all the way down it. He dresses as a biker dude (cuz he is), and if anyone pulled on his 'tail, he gives the impression that they would never be seen again!!!

Ultimately, it's what you want to do. Don't feel like your living your life to please others, as long as you're not hurting others (you're not beating anyone with your ponytail?) just laugh it off - and tell the guy if he yanks on your hair again, your gonna cut his off....at the neck!!!

[Paper Moon]

I think that's absolutely horrible. Grown people acting like such children! It's rubbish!

I'm not sure what kind of advice I could give, since it's clearly bothering you. If it were me, I'd just smile and laugh back to the goons at work, commenting that they must be attracted to all the hair, or they wouldn't keep on about it. Perhaps they are the "gay" ones.

As for your family.. do you think they realize it hurts you this much? Or is it possible they think that you are unaffected, that you know they are just kidding, and it's that strange "family love" thing where you get teased.

In my opinion, you should do what you feel best doing, but I pray you don't do it out of consideration for what other people say. I think your hair is drop dead swank, and I'm being quite serious! Good luck with it all :flower:

[Feye]

I'm appalled about their behavior. Could you wear a hat or cap when you work to avoid the yanking? Or get a new job? I'd seriously consider the second option.

I think that you can talk to your family and explain to them so that they understand, but what about your coworkers?

I once got treated meanly in high school, and what I've learned from that is that laughing things off never work. Especially when you don't think it's funny. People are too fond of hiding daggers in jokes and they will find your laughter a weakness. I switched classes, by the way, that worked out fine. I also cut my hair off and I regret it (their comments were about my looks, I take it they were jealous).

Is it a male dominated work place? It sounds more rough than what I'm used to, I'm quite shocked at the jargon. Especially calling people gay is not exactly a nice work atmosphere. What if someone at the workplace is closet gay? I don't understand how that talk can be tolerated by the supervisor.

When I think long hair on men I think of vikings and braids (I'm a Swede myself), and it has nothing to do with female attributes. And I've never met a gay man with long hair.

[Feye]

A second thought: Can you take it outside and fight them? Or mention their bald heads or whatever retort you can find, indicate that they're jealous? That's not so nice perhaps, but I think that there's a time and place for everything ;)

[hazelnut]

I would try to shrug them off. Adults can act like such children sometimes, it's quite astonishing. Don't give in to them. If they don't like your hair........ TOUGH NUTS! It's your hair and YOU can do whatever YOU want to it. I, personally, like the long hair look on guys. Ignore them. They're just being childish.

[RancheroTheBee]

Third on the chicks dig long hair comment.

My first response, personally, would be to respond with humor. Like with your sister, for example.

"You could be a bridesmaid in my wedding!"

"I couldn't do that. Your husband might change his mind and run off with me instead."

And the like. You don't have to say anything malicious, but if they can dish it out, they have to be able to take it.

[Shorty89]

:eyebrows::happydance::hifive::rockerdudFourthed.. ..you're quite the looker man. :eyebrows:

[Sossity]

*Raises hand* Seconded!

I third this, I live in a military town, & it seems every guy or every other guy has this hair do, it is so boring for me, they are a dime a dozen. People are probably envious, because you/he stand out, while they all look very much alike.

long hair on guys is neat, my favorite is dreadlocks on black men, but it is all good.

[Melisande]

I remember that a while ago, you told us alread about your family. I'm apalled by the cruelty and meanness of your colleagues and family. This is systematic bullying of the worst kind, it seems nearly pathological to me. How can anyone be so disgusting? It makes me really, really angry. My son used to have long hair and if anyone had dared to comment on it, I'd come down on him like a ton of bricks. I'm shocked that your family doesn't protect you and stand behind you.

Don't accept this kind of crap and don't make them win. If I was you, I'd seriously consider moving to a bigger place where people have more important things on their minds than the length of somebody's hair. Sorry but this sounds like a provincial hole where you live. I live in a provincial backwater too but people here are very tolerant.

If you let them feel that they got at you, they'll never leave you alone. I think the time has come for a clear and unpleasant word from your side - the jokes are getting really stale by now, and you hair is nobody's freaking business.

I wonder how you bore it until now. You must be the nicest, kindest young man on earth.

Your hair is beautiful, and it would be such a pity to cut it only to get a break from a bunch of jerks. Don't let them have that kind of triumph. They will always rub it under your nose, "remember the long hair you had? he he". Ugly, petty people. Pfui Teufel.

Believe me, if I was around nobody would DARE say a word. Practice glaring and menacing looks, sharp remarks. Fight back and make them shut up. Tell them that you are too well bred to remark on the things YOU don't like about THEIR appearance, so will they shut up already? If not, you'll give them a piece of your mind.

Since when is it acceptable between adults to use "gay" as pejorative comment????? Or to doubt a man's masculinity based on the length of his hair?????

Oh boy, I'm really really angry now.

GRRRRRRRRR.

[rogue_psyche]

If you cut your hair they'll know you gave in and lose all respect for you. Instead you should make jokes about them being gay. You don't need their approval. If having your hair long makes you happy then you shouldn't let those D-bags take it away from you.

[RavennaNight]

Step away from the scissors!:tmi: I don't get the "gay" comments.:confused: Your features are undeniably masculine. Wow the pressure of conformity out by you must be pretty intense. I know a gay guy who actually *hates* long hair. I need to be wary of him holding scissors but that's another story. I think your sister saying something might be more about thinking your hair will be distracting at the wedding. A slicked back ponytail would be very elegant. You have come so far! Don't let them get to you now!
Grow! :cheer: Grow! :cheer:

:rockerdud:

[muuserid]

I am so sorry you're being put through this. People can be such jerks sometimes. I don't know your friends and family but could a firm "shut the heck up for once and for all" be in order? Often times we feel so close to someone that we forget that speaking our minds can be hurtful. Sometimes a good firm talking to can remind that people that they've over-stepped their bounds. I hope you find a soution soon, and whatever it is, haircut or no, it brings you happiness.

[DragonLady]

I suspect you need to be more aggressive/assertive.

The "jokes" at work need to end. I think if it were me, the next time someone yanked my hair I'd turn around, grab his ear or his nose and threaten to remove it. Grabbing your hair is asssault, and you have the right to defend yourself.

If it still didn't end, I'd tell my boss straight up that if it continued I'd file for harrassment. Then I'd do it if even one more whisper was made about it.

[hennaphile]

On the note of harassment, it's definitely not okay. And the "gay" insult is completely unacceptable, both at work, and in general. It should not be a derrogitory comment, and in some states that can be discriminatory harassment. These folks sound like losers.

[Teazel]

Like Melisande, I'm really angry on your behalf, and really sad that you've had to put up with this crap. How dare anyone act like that?

I have to wonder if people have been taking advantage of your good nature. Maybe it's time to let them know you're not going to take it anymore? What kind of hellhole do you live in, anyway? It sounds like you're too good for the place.

Ugh. I hate it that people can be so ugly. :-(

[SheWolf]

Speaking as someone with a LOT of gay friends and acquaintances, I have never seen any of them with long hair.
You are not the one being childish. They are.
I would file some kind of harassment claim. You could say they are pestering you about your beliefs, verbally and physically. Do you believe you have a right to have long hair if you so choose? If the answer is yes, then you are being 100% truthful. There are religions in which men are expected to grow their hair long. ETA: Native American ones, specifically.
ETA2: Personally, under no circumstances would I give in to such juvenile bullying.
Your hair is seriously thud-worthy, by the way.

Agreed, this is textbook harrassment.
These people are as stupid as they are ignorant, prejudiced and extremely narrowminded.
Mr Wolf used to have waist length hair, now it's slightly below his shoulders. No one messed with him because back then a lot of guys had very long hair but also because nice and peaceful as he is, he looks very intimidating.
However, that's beside the point:
No one deserves to be harrassed for any reason.
I would follow longhairedfairy's advice to the letter, you have a case.

... Gorgeous hair, btw. Keep it. Because cutting it all off is sure not going to grow these slacked jawed knuckle dragging apes any brains, I can guarantee you that.

[longhairedfairy]

Fourthed....you're quite the looker man. :eyebrows:

Sixthed (or maybe seventhed, eighthed, etc.?).

[hazelnut]

I suspect you need to be more aggressive/assertive.

The "jokes" at work need to end. I think if it were me, the next time someone yanked my hair I'd turn around, grab his ear or his nose and threaten to remove it.

I'd do them one better and just remove it without even warning them. I'm sorry, but, for me, if you insult my features, especially my hair, I can't help but react in a less-than-civil way.

[longhairedfairy]

If you cut your hair they'll know you gave in and lose all respect for you.

That's the sort of thing I was trying to express, but I couldn't think how to word it. It would make them think they have power over you. Really, it would give them power.

[RavennaNight]

I think you need to verbally assert yourself. I can't imagine having to put up with harassment like that day in and day out. At this point it is about you commanding their respect. If you cut, they will think you will do anything for their acceptance. Do you live in a small kinda town? It really sounds excessive, what you are going through!

[RavennaNight]

That's the sort of thing I was trying to express, but I couldn't think how to word it. It would make them think they have power over you. Really, it would give them power.

We posted together :flower:

[Autumnberry]

They're jealous; chicks dig long hair.

This is so true! My dh has had waist-length hair for decades, and he looks hot!

Shadow Walker, you have awesome hair, and I think those around you are envious of your hair (as well as your non-conformism). Take their childishness with a grain of salt, and enjoy being a long hair.

[LadyEliza]

I don't get the "gay" comments.:confused: Your features are undeniably masculine.

Ummm - gay men are still male and not necessarily "feminine" looking while some "feminine" looking men are not necessarily gay.

But yes, I know of NO gay men with long hair - and except for my family all my male friends are gay! They go to the hair dressers more then most women! In fact, a couple of them are hairdressers (and one is a makeup artist and one of the best in Australia)

So, take the long hair out of the equation. What would you do if they harassed you like this about anything else?

I think, as many here have said, you are going to have to become the master of the "quip". Have a witty come back for everything. And it doesn't have to be a negative one...

"You look gay!"

"Why? Do I turn you on?" Might get you punched if they are homophobic, which that comment indicates.

Instead "Nah man, the ladies love it!" brings you to their level, which will defuse the situation.

Your family you can talk to. I had a situation that my mother didn't like. I said "I'm sorry mum, but you can either accept it or you won't have to see me again". She accepted it very quickly.

Your hair is NOT who you are, it's just part of you. If they love you, then it should not affect the way that they see you.

Wow, that sounded almost wise! Quick! Write it down!

Oh, I did...

[Ndnlady]

Don't cut your hair because of a bunch of morons, that means that in the end...they win. You can't have that happen. Let me just say that you have beautiful hair and yes, thier comments are out of jealousy.
Don't let them tug on your hair anymore, if anybody touches you or your hair without an invitation turn around and knock them over or something in which you can say you are defending yourself. You won't get in trouble for defending yourself, even if police were called.
Especially if you work with a bunch of men (sorry nothing against men) but you have to earn your respect by letting them know in some way not to mess with you anymore. My husband has been in more then a few fights in the past when he was working out at construction sites when he was younger in order to "earn respect".
There are many Native men over here in the bay area with long hair, in fact there was a Native guy at my husband's car show with thigh length hair (beautiful, and had to force myself to stop staring at his hair before he thought I had an interest in him or something!:)).
I know 3 couples in same sex marriages and they are no different then anyone else, they just decided to marry who they loved. There is nothing wrong with being gay.
We are all rooting for you here, and I hope you get the situation resolved however you see fit!:grouphug:

[SheWolf]

BTW, do yourself a favor: The next time anyone tells you to cut your hair, first you must stare them down coldly enough to freeze the entire neighborhood and then say "Why? So I can be like you? I don't f**king think so".
But be careful with the phrasing: do not use the word "look" use the word "be", because "look" puts an emphasis on appearance, and obviously those inbred toads will take that the wrong way and increase their gay taunts.
And the next time your sister says you should be a bridesmaid, tell her you seriously considered it, but her man has been getting a bit too friendly with you so you don't think it's a good idea.
And for God's sake, if anyone touches your hair to yank it, kindly remodel their face to fit through a keyhole.
As for coworkers calling you girl names, ask them if their wives know that they sweet talk other women behind their backs and how would they feel if they knew. (that will either stop them dead in their tracks or force them to admit you're not female. if they do, put them on the spot and ask them why they keep doing that. then watch the nervous laughs and uncomfortable switch of topic)

Again, Do NOT cut your hair: the harrassment will increase if you do.

[GlennaGirl]

Ugh, adults can be such brats sometimes.

I agree!!! And what's with this whole "gang mentality" thing? Do these guys ever pick at you independently? I could be wrong about this but I'm guessing "no".

I'm guessing they're on the cowardly side. Just sounds like it.

Oh man. I am so sorry you're going through this. Jerks! I can't believe you're harassed daily...and particularly the type of wording you suggested. I'm disgusted. Am sending good vibes your way...I so hope you don't have to cut your hair over this. :(

[ChatoyantLocks]

It sounds like you are either going to have to fight back in some way (filing for harassment, learning verbal judo, etc.), or move. Personally, based on the description of the toxic people around you, I'd recommend moving. Don't bother cutting your hair. The problem is that you are surround by jerks. Even if you cut your hair, you will still be surrounded by jerks.

[Heidi_234]

You are being too nice. Obviously they are entertaining themselves on your behalf, so there's no need to keep on being 'nice guy' to them. If they have nothing good to say, they can shut up. Don't hesitate be cold to them, not laugh at their jokes, make them feel like they are beneath your level, make them feel unwanted, and stupid. You need to mark your territory, and shower with freezing cold water anyone who comes in. They are just co workers, and you might get a new job, you might be promoted or some of them might be fired eventually. No need to cling on something (or better say someone) that doesn't deserve your nerves.

[drquartz1970]

I'm disgusted with how your co-workers and family have treated you. I remember in one of past posts that you mentioned the horrible treatment. What is wrong with these people?

Please don't feel compelled to cut your hair shorter because of ignorant low-class fools - it would only make them smirk to see you cave in to them, and they will probably pick on you for something else. Bullies are inferior people (cowards turned inside out) and must NEVER be allowed to win because they will be encouraged to do it to someone else. These people who pick on you show that they are very insecure if they cannot handle or accept someone who is a little different from the mainstream. Long hair is perfectly natural and I personally thing that men and women BOTH look better in their natural "hairy" state.

As for you being called the gay slur which isn't very nice if you are straight- I asked a gay (male) friend of mine about hair length in the gay community. He told me that long hair is out of fashion in most gay circles and most gay guys want to look ultra-butch and hence have very short hair on average to enhance their perceived masculinity. So you can turn the tables on the bullies by letting on that by having short hair they look more "gay" then you do!

If they are fundamental Pharisee Christians (religious people with no understanding of spirituality) then respond by saying that if God meant men to have short hair then the hair would only grow out half an inch. In the bible there are many instances of long haired men (ie Samson).

Or you could respond in a humorous way with saying that your a Rastafarian obeying the wishes of God.

Maybe wearing your hair in a bun at work or under a cap might detract atttention away from your hair? Otherwise I'd seriously consider applying for another job in a more long hair friendly environment.

Long hair can separate the real men from the little boys who still toe the conservative line! (however just because a man or woman has short hair doesn't necessary make them a brain-washed sheep!)

You should be proud of yourself that you have built up your character through the years of opposition from these ignorant fools and gained I should think great inner strength to be who you want to be instead of what they want you to be! It requires guts to do that!

[DragonLady]

Okay; I just talked to my husband.


He says that no one ever said such a thing to his face. He also points out that he's a head taller and 60 lbs heavier than most people so it might be said a lot behind his back. That the worst ever was from a real friend of his who also had long hair and they would tease each other about being "long haired freaks".

He says you're working with a bunch of @55^#1&5 and you should find another job. It's probably too late to change the way you're being treated at this job, short of threatening a law suit. But at the next job, you need to respond immediately to any comment made. Whether you make a joke, or just tell 'em straight up, you can't be silent. Because the silence is being seen as acceptance. In fact, your co-workers now may really believe they're just joking. Just like your sister probably didn't expect your reaction because she thinks the previous treatment is all okay with you.

He also says groups of men will gravitate their teasing or comments to one facet of one person to divert any negative attention from themselves. As long as you're silent, you're the goat because male group mentality doesn't change much from high school. Sometimes the best thing to do is turn the comments back at them to prevent the escalation from one person teasing you to every person teasing you.

Someone comes to you teasingly asking for a date, then recants? Respond with "But, I'm still free" all disapointed like; the more uncomfortable they get, the less they'll continue because its you that's supposed to be uncomfortable. In other words, make all the guys laugh at the person who made the comment, and not at you.


I think what DH says makes sense, although I kinda think turning it around might take some practise, since it doesn't sound like you're used to interacting with people that way. Also, I'd think that maybe keeping your hair in one specific style everyday might help keep their attention off of it -it'll just kinda blend into the background so they'll quit noticing it after a while.

(although to that DH says "F'em; wear it however you damn well want.")

[WavyGirl]

I would file a written complaint about harassment at work. That way the supervisor cannot ignore it and has to take some sort of action. It is also good to have a written record so that you can refer back to it if the harrassment doesn't stop. State clearly what has been said and done so that the supervisor can say exactly what is too much in the way of teasing (i.e. your appearance and sexual orientation are totally not up for discussion). If he still doesn't sort it out, you can follow up by taking it up with his supervisor.

I don't feel cutting your hair would be a solution. If you were saying that you are tired of your hair, it was too much hassle to maintain or you just didn't like the look I'd be the first to say "Cut if it would make you happy." but you aren't saying that. You like your hair long and would only be cutting to make them stop bothering you. You'd be sad/angry for two reasons then instead of one: Your co-workers as a group are used to teasing you by now, I think it's probably become something of a habit with them. If you cut, they will just tease you about something else. The only way to stop the teasing is to confront it head on. And, you'd have lost so much length.

As it's work, I don't think violence would be appropriate (I always see that as a last resort anyway) things are much more likely to escalate legally in a work environment with lots of witnessess. The recommendations you've already had to be more assertive seem good, but if you can't do it with the whole group - which I totally would have a problem with myself- then asking someone higher in the chain of command to deal on your behalf seems reasonable.

I'm really sorry that you've had to deal with this for so long. If this continues it will start to affect your health. I know two people who have had to leave their jobs due to work related stress which was actually condoned bullying. You really must stop this before it gets any worse. I am sending positive thoughts your way to help you get through this. :grouphug:

[Helen Baq]

I suspect you need to be more aggressive/assertive.

The "jokes" at work need to end. I think if it were me, the next time someone yanked my hair I'd turn around, grab his ear or his nose and threaten to remove it. Grabbing your hair is asssault, and you have the right to defend yourself.

If it still didn't end, I'd tell my boss straight up that if it continued I'd file for harrassment. Then I'd do it if even one more whisper was made about it.

Yep, I agree with this. Believe me, just mentioning "harrassment" to the right people at work and suddenly your problems disappear. I've had to do this before.


I think, as many here have said, you are going to have to become the master of the "quip". Have a witty come back for everything. And it doesn't have to be a negative one...

"You look gay!"

"Why? Do I turn you on?" Might get you punched if they are homophobic, which that comment indicates.

Instead "Nah man, the ladies love it!" brings you to their level, which will defuse the situation.

Nice idea, here.

I'd have to agree that your hair is gorgeous and you shouldn't cut it just because some people are uncivilized. :)

[Nat242]

<snip> The problem is that you are surround by jerks. Even if you cut your hair, you will still be surrounded by jerks.

Quoted for truth.

Cutting your hair won't change anything. You either need to stand up to your family and file harassment complaints at work or remove yourself from these situations.

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

[Nevermore]

From painful personal experience, if you cut your hair they'll still torment you.

[meph]

I'm sorry you're working with such jerks. You do have beautiful hair and it would be a shame to cut it just so they stop harassing you.
I agree with all the advice everyone else has already given.

I hope things are getting better soon.

[Flynn]

Know what you can do? Ala all those ninja girls in all those weird books and films, do a braid and put something really heavy and small on the end. Next time they harass you, give them the braid-whipping of their life! XD *laughs*

[hazelnut]

Know what you can do? Ala all those ninja girls in all those weird books and films, do a braid and put something really heavy and small on the end. Next time they harass you, give them the braid-whipping of their life! XD *laughs*
:laugh: That'll teach them!

[Unofficial_Rose]

These people who pick on you show that they are very insecure if they cannot handle or accept someone who is a little different from the mainstream.

Long hair can separate the real men from the little boys who still toe the conservative line! (however just because a man or woman has short hair doesn't necessary make them a brain-washed sheep!)



This. I have noticed that people cannot stand it if anyone deviates from perceived norms. How very boring of them. :rolleyes:

My DS (14) has APL hair and gets called "gay" and "girl" everyday. He actually says that his hair is a useful way of finding out who is worth getting to know and who is a moron.

[Phalaenopsis]

Most of the times I don't really like long hair on men, but that's my personal opinion. But still, I've never perceived a man with long hair as 'gay' or as a 'girl'. And I would never give such comments, because it's just not my business. Some like tatoos, some don't, some like piercings, some don't, some like long hair... you can keep filling it in. It's your choice and I don't understand why they keep harassing you.

I know I just said that most of the times I don't like long hair on men, but you have the most beautiful, thick, shiny hair I've ever seen on a guy and it would be such a shame if you cut it off. I actually think you probably look better with long hair than with short hair.

[hennaphile]

My granpa used to tell people who said long hair made men look like women:

"well if long hair is how you tell men from women, it really doesn't matter does it?"

[Flynn]

:laugh: That'll teach them!

Whoop-CHA! XDD

[Almandine]

I think that's terrible. I've gotten the same from everyone but my family while I was growing up and in school and I'm not even male. A few times I've gotten so angry and miserable it's felt like it would be easier to just chop it off (and people have tried to do it for me). But you can't let those people win over you. It's your hair and you clearly love having it, so their foolish behavior shouldn't cause you to change something you like about yourself. If you have to put them in line, then that's how it is. Some people seem to think they are very entertaining, and they are wrong. There comes a time when you have to tell them otherwise. Your family are the worst offenders because they aren't just coworkers or friends, they're your relatives - they should know better and be able to tell they are making things difficult for you. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and just say, to coworkers and family alike, "your behavior is harassment, you are acting like a child, and I don't appreciate it." They're the ones in the wrong, you shouldn't have to alter yourself for them.

On a slightly unrelated note, I love your hair. :) It's rare where I live to see a man with hair so long.

[Madame J]

My husband has longer hair than I do, and he certainly isn't gay. For what it's worth, none of my gay friends have ever had long hair -- they all kept their hair short, impeccably trimmed, styled, gelled, and often highlighted. Very high-maintenance, really. The "benign neglect" philosophy that is touted on this board seems like a more "masculine" way to care for your hair because you're not necessarily fussing about your appearance every day.

Oh, another comeback for your sister when she says you could be a bridesmaid: "If that means I get to come to the bachlorette party, I'm sure the other ladies won't mind" with an evil/knowing grin. Seriously, long-haired guys are hot, especially guys with well-tended long hair like you.

[gmdiaz]

Your hair is beautiful and thud worthy!!

My husband has long beautiful hair too. . I love it! He keeps his trimmed to about shoulder blade length, very sleek, clean and conditioned. He really doesn't ever receive any negative comments, not at work (we work at the same place) or out and about.

I think a lot of it is your location. Here in Colorado, lot of guys have long hair, very sexy athletic guys! It's just more accepted because there are so many people that grow their hair long. Also we don't have so much of the gay bashing mentality you seem to be hearing.

My husband wears his back in a very sleek pony tail at work. I like it in a single braid down the back too. He likes to wear those sterling silver concho type, Native American or Celtic ponytail hair accessories.

I would say that they're enjoying your discomfort so don't give them the satisfaction. . .bullies lose interest when it's not working. So I think if I were you, I'd just smile and say kiss my a$$.

And I would not cut my hair.

[EdG]

Shadow Walker, other people are jealous of your hair.

Talk to your boss about your co-workers. A larger company will have a human resources person that you can talk to. Your co-workers are harassing you and that's unacceptable. At my company, we train new employees to recognize harassment and tell them what to do if they feel they are being harassed. From the training material, "you have the right to work in a professional environment free of harassment."

Family members are harder to deal with because you just can't fire them. :D You can, however, choose to ignore them - you may want to avoid visiting, calling, writing, etc. Your family members will eventually realize that you are not likely to want to talk to them if they criticize your appearance.

Businesses that you patronize are the easiest - if a clerk makes a comment about your appearance, don't do business with that store. You may want to explain to a manager why the store has lost your business. That should quickly get fixed.

Finally, age will help. Young people get all sorts of @#$%, but as you grow older, you will be perceived as wiser. No-one criticizes an older long-haired guy. Good luck and keep it growing! :cheese:
Ed

[gmdiaz]

My granpa used to tell people who said long hair made men look like women:

"well if long hair is how you tell men from women, it really doesn't matter does it?"


OMG, that is soooo funny. I love it!

[Lamb]

It takes a lot to get me annoyed or worked up
which is why your family and coworkers don't recognize your boundaries: there aren't any, or not immediately visible



my sister jokes about how I should be a bride's maid in her upcoming wedding
"Nah, I don't want to steal your thunder."


I snapped on her today when she referred to me as a girl, and I told her that I get enough of this crap at work, and she seemed quite surprised at my reaction.
I am guessing this was the first time you put her into her place. Maybe you should do it more often. Don't be angry, but act angry.


It seems to happen every time and the other night was no exception, I ended up barking at him to just shut up and ring up my beer.
"I'd like to speak to the manager." And then do it. It is totally unacceptable that a checkout guy would dare to be snide over a customer's personal appearance.

Look, ShadowWalker, it's not your hair. It's your too peaceful, too nice manners. Your hair is simply an easy thing for them to pick on, but if you had a favorite colour and wore shirts of that colour often, they would pick on that.

Cutting your hair off will only mean that these jerks win, and you loose.

GET AGGRESSIVE, man! :rockerdud:

[lora410]

First of all, I suggest you goto the HR dept at work and file a complaint. You cut, they win; then the next thing you know, it will be about something else. You cut you give them tons of power to continuously push you around.

As for the family I would tell them if they don't stop it, to not bother talking with you until they can grow up. Yeah, I know it seems harsh, but it is YOUR HAIR and you shouldn't have to feel harassed about it. Don't let them pressure you into cutting it. If you can just tie it up around them then do that.

[BittSweetCherry]

Ninethed/tenthed/millionthed the chicks-like-long-hair-on-men comment!

They really do sound like arseholes. And as other have mentioned, you'd particularly expect better from your family. The next time one of them makes a smart-arse remark: perhaps it's time to formally sit them all down and explaining calmly but clearly that this is something you like, you're not changing it and their comments are just getting OLD. Some people take joy in causing pain or being cruel, but you wouldn't be conceding these facts if you said it's tedious and boring and like listening to a broken record, and why are they all so obsessed about it?

Maybe the same approach might be useful at your workplace, if you don't want them to think that they've got under your skin. Point out that they've been going on and on about it for a whole year - is there really nothing else for them to talk about? Tell them to go skydiving or get a tattoo or get laid - they need to move on. Even so, start filing paperwork. I don't suggest this right now, but if complaint after official complaint is ignored continuously and that senior people are joining in with the taunts, and this affects your health, then it might be time to sue (oh my God, I can't believe I am suggesting it. But really, this is beyong the point of ridiculousness. You have a right to be looked after at work and if your employer repeatedly ignored his legal responsibility, he should and can be made to pay for the damage, and sometimes that's the only time they'll sit up and take notice.)

Personally, I can't think of anything less gay than long hair on men - hair is such a masculine thing. It's just not metal if there isn't long hair.

[Grenwich]

The general populace perceives anyone who is different as a threat.
They respond by making people who choose not to engage in that herd mentality feel wrong for being different.
Take back the power that being different gives you, and just let their fear (of being gay, of being a woman, of being different) dissipate in the sunlight.

On a side note - if your "boss" repeats his threat about cutting it himself, you should tell him you hope he's got some cash buried in a jar in the backyard, because the second he touches you or your hair, you're going to sue him for everything else he owns.
I'd be happy to help with legal expenses, should that black day ever come, because your hair is absolutely gorgeous.


Ninethed/tenthed/millionthed the chicks-like-long-hair-on-men comment!

What she said! :D

[Kirin]

I have always been awe-inspired by your hair..... and think things when I see your picture reminding me how good you look that makes me have to remember I'm a married woman hehe!

Family are usually the worst offenders of harassment, as they feel you are safe to harass. However its the easiest to fix. Put your foot down, in a no nonsense manner. I'm a woman and I get flack from my family about my hair getting long......

"Geeze, Kirin, you need a haircut, its looking a little wild!".

"What should I get, your helmet frosted head that wouldn't move in a hurricane?".

Retorting usually works with families, they get the hint quicker.

[AmyJorgensen]

I think maybe I would say, "You have been harrassing me for quite a while now and your harrassment isn't going to change my mind, so you may as well quit trying to make my life miserable."

[Locksmith]

Ugghhh. People can be so lame! Your hair is beautiful. :(

You said your sister was surprised at your reaction - do you think maybe that because you laughed it off at first, everyone thinks you don't really mind the comments? It's possible that they're being insensitive rather than deliberately childish and hurtful. Have you tried asking to speak to them calmly, and saying, "Look, it isn't funny anymore. It really bothers me. It really hurts when you yank on my hair like that. It's my hair to have long if I want it, please stop with the comments and leave me alone about it. It isn't funny and it makes me uncomfortable." Sometimes people do just need to be told, plainly but politely, as an adult, that they have crossed the line and need to stop it. If they aren't total prats they should take you seriously.

[spidermom]

As for the workplace harrassment, get a lawyer. Seriously. Yanking your hair is assault and so is constant verbal abuse. You have a case.

Then take your settlement and move. Wherever you are sounds too small-minded for you.

[Ella Menneau P.]

"F'em; wear it however you damn well want."

+1, and my goodness you have spectacular hair.

The last time I was teased about my hair (actually, the only time) was when I wore braided pigtails at massage therapy school a couple years ago. Some kid straight out of high school called me Willie Nelson's wife. I replied that A: I was impressed he actually knew who Willie Nelson is, AND B: the last time I was teased was when I was in Jr high, way back in the 70's and thanks for the ride in the way-back machine.

And to repeat, for good measure,
"F'em; wear it however you damn well want."

[skay]

Dude...Shadow Walker...,

It sounds like you need to stand up for yourself more.

Especially when someone starts hurting your head/scalp. Laughing it off isn't going to do anything.

Seriously, think about it this way: what if someone kept hitting you on the head ... what would you do?

Hope all goes well with you at work and with your family.

[Themyst]

Dude...Shadow Walker...,

It sounds like you need to stand up for yourself more.

Especially when someone starts hurting your head/scalp. Laughing it off isn't going to do anything.

Seriously, think about it this way: what if someone kept hitting you on the head ... what would you do?

Hope all goes well with you at work and with your family.

I really agree with this. I lived in Pennsylvania for some time and I imagine the small towns might be similar to what you'd find in Wisconsin. If you went around getting lawyers and suing and telling on your coworkers ... oh, the repercussions! You might as well just move. I think standing up for yourself and being more assertive is probably the best route.

[Phalaenopsis]

I would like to add something: don't get aggressive, but get assertive. There's a difference.

[Kaamos]

I do agree with other users that cutting your hair will not make them stop picking on you. They are stupid. Sadly I know how it feels like, to KNOW they are stupid but they seem to be stronger...:confused:
And yes, girls like long haired men.
And yes, I have NEVER seen a gay with long hair.

My boyfriend has long hair too. Once some stupid guy asked him if he were gay :crazyq: :rolleyes:
But I can't think of another situation he got harassed because of his long hair (it's not as long as yours). The only person who thinks he could look like a girl is himself... :smirk:

I think long hair is masculine :D
Don't cut your hair! It's beautiful!

[Speckla]

It would be an absolute mortal sin to cut those gorgeous locks!!

[Shadow Walker]

Wow, thanks for all the replies everyone.

I do try to stand up for myself and shoot back retorts, but it really does no good. I'm not a violent guy but I think perhaps threatening to be so might be the only way of getting my point across to those I work with. Either way, I've been trying to find a new job for awhile now, but the city where I live (about 85,000 people) has the highest unemployment in the state and work is hard to come by. As for my family, if my sister makes another comment then I'll tell her I simply won't go to her wedding then.

I really wish I could just move, this is not a good place for someone like me to live. Unfortunately I don't have the means to pack up and hit the road or else I probably would have.

Anyways, thanks everyone for the advice and comments.

[Speckla]

You're a good looking guy and I feel like stupid, jealous people will always find something about you to envy. ;)

[SheWolf]

Wow, thanks for all the replies everyone.

I do try to stand up for myself and shoot back retorts, but it really does no good. I'm not a violent guy but I think perhaps threatening to be so might be the only way of getting my point across to those I work with. Either way, I've been trying to find a new job for awhile now, but the city where I live (about 85,000 people) has the highest unemployment in the state and work is hard to come by. As for my family, if my sister makes another comment then I'll tell her I simply won't go to her wedding then.

I really wish I could just move, this is not a good place for someone like me to live. Unfortunately I don't have the means to pack up and hit the road or else I probably would have.

Anyways, thanks everyone for the advice and comments.

Start looking. What field do you work in? You could do a search for the states and/or cities that have the most jobs in whatever it is that you do. Continue to work where you are, tell no one of your plans and quietly get yourself ready.
Plus if you get hits and interviews, you get to travel a bit, that's always a good change of pace, to clear your head and refresh your mood.
Because staying stuck in a toxic place full of small minded morons and feeling constantly judged and bullied is no way to live. Life's too short.

[Natalia]

Im so sorry your having to go trough this. My brother has long hair. He keeps it about shoulder or a bit longer but he has had it to waist several times. Theres no reason for people to be cruel about it. I hope you can find a solution that makes you happy :)


I highly recommend reading some of Philip Zimbardo's books. He was a Stanford psychology professor who has devoted his entire life to the study of human behavior - mostly, crowd following behavior. Once you see 1.) how foolish it is to follow the crowd and 2.) how foolish everyone else is by following the crowd, you might change your mind and actually embrace your ability to stand up and rise above their comments.

What a shame it would be for you to bow down to these people. You have gorgeous hair. I'd grow it down to my ankles just to spite them all.;)

Oh themyst! I had to reply to this, someone who actually knows who he is! Even people in my level 3 psych classes were cluless :p. I have yet to meet him but my friend works for him and he sent me a t-shirt from his new book once. Lol im embracing Geek Pride today becasuei am so psyched! No pun intended

[angelthadiva]

They're jealous; chicks dig long hair.

I'm not one of these chicks, but SW does have :thud: worthy hair...Hands down! When I've looked at your pictures I have never thought anything other than very masculine. It's about people's perception, and unfortunately it sounds like you live amongst small-minded people.

I would not recommend to even jokingly threaten violence--Work is hard to come by, and they already perceive you as being different, now you will be scary and different. I recommend keeping a log (date/time/who said/who did what) of the verbal or physical assaults armed w/that info report it. By the sounds of it, you are working in a hostile environment and that is not tolerated. If your hair length/style is permitted in your work environment, then that should be good enough.

I wish you the best of luck! :flower:

[Fethenwen]

But... but you look so good in long hair :confused:

What is wrong with those people, I'm amazed. Chopping you hair isn't the answer to the problem I think.

Well, for the bad days you could always wear a sleek backed ponytail or braid. How about getting a neat leather band or some other masculine sort of hair toy?

[Elphie]

I think you've posted about this before, I'm amazed it's still going on! I think you've earned your merit badge in tolerance, it's time to move on to assertiveness. If that doesn't get your message across, then I would certainly consider moving onto harassment suits.

If you like your hair (and I presume you do!) then you should be able to wear it any way that pleases you! Think of it as your very own moron-barometer!

[Themyst]

Oh themyst! I had to reply to this, someone who actually knows who he is! Even people in my level 3 psych classes were cluless :p. I have yet to meet him but my friend works for him and he sent me a t-shirt from his new book once. Lol im embracing Geek Pride today becasuei am so psyched! No pun intended

I corresponded with him via email and he signed his The Lucifer Effect book for me! I :heart: him! He is so righteous ... and cool!

[Speckla]

Somehow facial hair doesn't scream femininity to me. Gay? What on earth does hair length have to do with sexual preferrence? So, a gay man with a crewcut is a heterosexual in denial???

[Kaamos]

Do you exclusively get negative comments about your hair in real life?
In LHC you get a lot of compliments but maybe it would do you good to get a compliment face to face...

[Melisande]

I thought about you today, Shadow Walker, as I moved around a university in our region. There were many young man, nearly all of them with long hair, dreadlocks, bandanas. None of them was nice like yours but hardly a short cut in sight. (Maybe it's because I work in the arts?) I thought that if you could be transported to our campus, you'd be admired, not harrassed. And I was sorry that I was so harsh this morning but your story made my maternal bosom well with anger.

Plan your move, young man. Be assertive from now on. You can say "I think I heard that joke already a number of times?" or simply ask them to stop repeating themselves. Idiotic remarks don't get better by repetition. See whether you can get them to stop, but if not - save money to move and look for work. There may be people in this amazing community who are able to help you.

You don't want to spend the rest of your life in a place full of morons and jerks? (My English thesaurus is growing....) So don't. You will thrive in another place. The US is a pretty big place from what I've heard ;-) You'll be better off somewhere else.

[Peter]

Wow, thanks for all the replies everyone.

I do try to stand up for myself and shoot back retorts, but it really does no good. I'm not a violent guy but I think perhaps threatening to be so might be the only way of getting my point across to those I work with. Either way, I've been trying to find a new job for awhile now, but the city where I live (about 85,000 people) has the highest unemployment in the state and work is hard to come by. As for my family, if my sister makes another comment then I'll tell her I simply won't go to her wedding then.

...
I know what you mean about the retorts not having any effect. When I started growing my hair, I got made fun of and harassed for about a year, I guess until people realized that I wasn't going to cut it. I'm really sorry to hear that you're being subjected to such nonsense... it was a difficult time for me and your situation is even worse. I haven't read through the thread yet but I think that cutting your hair isn't a solution, since your co-workers will probably find something else to harass you about. Maybe even the fact that you DID cut it -- how bad would it feel to cut your hair short again, then have to face them? They'll all think that you cut it because they wanted you to. That's one of the biggest things that kept me from cutting my own hair.

I like your idea of telling your sister you won't go to her wedding if she continues making comments like that. With my own family, this was the only way I got them to understand. I would often get comments like "when are you going to cut your hair?", and at some point it got so aggravating that I threatened to stop seeing them if this harassment continued. Maybe they still don't like my hair and that's fine, I'm not looking to change that -- but they've stopped bothering me about it.

Regrettably I can't offer much help as to what you should do, since the harassment eventually just stopped for me. But I really hope your situation improves.

[ShoshanUhura]

Yeah, I'm just jumping on the bandwagon of chicks who dig long hair.
Too bad the other people in your life can't deal with their own inadequacies -
The men wish they had your sex appeal
The women wish they had your hair
Whatever.

[Mebo]

My DH - the former Marine Sniper - says: "I'd give them the 'Fair Warning' speech - fair warning, touch my hair again and I take you down. My hair is not your topic of conversation from this moment on. Understand?" Then do it. It will only take one time, and co-workers and family members will understand you are serious. Don't try to convince them, just state your objection and go back to doing what you were doing.

And the harassment at work needs to be documented and turned in to your supervisors and his supervisor. They are violating the law. Keep a copy in case you need it later. You can never have too much paper (said the lawyer....)

[wadawas]

Hi Shadow :)

I don't have the time to check out the forum too often, but i'm glad i came today to see your thread.
I agree with the supportive advice that everyone else gave & wanted to pick up on the suggestion of styling it.

There are a lot of actors who wore longer than shoulder length hair for movies that are too damn sexy for anyone other than a bully to attack. The most famous examples are The Rock in Scorpion King; not as muscular is Orlando Bloom in the Lord of the Rings. There are many male models with long hair & i have seen quite a few sexy native Canadians with waist length hair.

There is a common styling that makes these men with very long hair look sexy instead of looking like druggies the Metallica era spit up:
the hair very neat & out of their faces - either partially tied back or on a side part & tucked behind the ears; their faces are clean shaven & well groomed.

Often the way a person styles their hair & cleans up their face is the only difference between a plain looking person & a model-like person. So instead of cutting your hair or moving, maybe it's just time for a manly make-over to bring out that model / movie star look in you.
(oh, it's been too long since i last made-over a male friend - i miss it!)

So here are some friendly suggestions to help you if you would like to do that:

Have your eyebrows & beard professionally shaped or get rid of the beard all together. But have an esthetician shape & clean up your eyebrows.
Tie your hair half back like The Rock. I tell you, a muscular, clean shaven guy with their hair like that is freakin sexy. Don't just use an elastic, wrap a sting of soft doe skin around it in a native fashion or something of the like. When you want it all down, have a clean side part & tuck it behind your ears - maybe using a very thin brain to hold it behind your ears with leather on the bottom again.
Wear clothes that show off your masculine muscles - clean lines. Look in magazines how the male models with longer hair dress.

Those are tiny & easy changes that make make a huge difference in how people see you, which might help how they treat you. Either way, you might feel sexier with a self-esteem boost.

But aside from looks -
For sure set boundaries with the people who bug you about your hair. If you have to skip the wedding, it's her loss. If you have to file charges against your coworkers, it's their record.
Just keep loving yourself.

- My hubby just walked through my office & i posed your sit. to him. His response was:
The adult social world is often no better than a highschool cafeteria. With the right attitude, you can make anything look fabulous & stop the most annoying bully.

I hope this helped :)

[Teresa9000]

Since when does long hair on guys=feminine?
Vikings, barbarians in general, Native Americans, "biker dudes", Metallica, every other metal band I can think of, Conan, some wrestlers, etc. Guys with long hair are hardcore.
On the other hand, the Romans, the "boy-lovers", made a point to have short hair.

When I met my husband he had hair almost to his waist, and yeah, that was part of the attraction. He was mistaken for a girl occasionally, but he really didn't care (of course, he was never harassed to the extent that you have described). Whenever someone would tell him to cut his hair, he'd say, "Jesus had long hair," and most of the time they'd shut up (even though we really don't know how he kept his hair, it's still in all the pictures we make of him). Of course, we live in the Bible belt, so I guess this response may not work so well in a more atheistic society, and one who is an atheist may not be comfortable saying this. I think if my husband had kept his hair looking as nice as yours looks, people wouldn't have told him to cut it as much. His hair was ratty from being washed everyday, never conditioned, blow-dried everyday, worn down all the time, etc. He did get fired once because of his long hair (of course that's not the reason the woman gave him for firing him, but another employee told him the real reason). It wasn't a great job, anyway. The owners are in a lot of legal trouble now for embezzling (we did the math, my husband was paid $2 an hour, INCLUDING tips).

With the less violent people (the ones saying crap but not being physical about it), have you tried just smiling, shrugging, and saying, "Hey man, what can I say? Chicks dig it."

You'd think after a while these guys would get over themselves and shut up already. This has been prolonged, and if they know you don't appreciate this treatment, it's harassment. Do they understand how much legal trouble they could get into for workplace harassment? And if they're making "gay" comments and "flirting," isn't that (not sure if I'm allowed to type it, so...) the "s-word" harassment? That's even worse.

As for your family, it's disgraceful. They should show you love and support. Have you said anything to them about how much it hurts you? Have you said anything about how you love them, but their comments about your hair make you not want to be around them, and you'd appreciate it if they'd make a sincere effort to leave you alone about it?

I found this site and thought it might be helpful: http://www.choisser.com/longhair/four.html

On a more passive note, have you tried tucking your ponytail or braid into your shirt at work? At least then it's a bit less accessible, and possibly less noticeable to the impulsive bullies. Bullies harass people because they are insecure with themselves. They feel the need to make others insecure, as well. Remember, you are not the one with the personality issues, they are. They have issues, they are the ones to be pitied.

I really hope that you find a way to resolve all this that you're comfortable with. It makes me so mad that our society can be so petty sometimes. Why is it that some people feel the need to ostracize someone for the way they look?

[Elphie]

There is a common styling that makes these men with very long hair look sexy instead of looking like druggies the Metallica era spit up:

I actually like that look; I don't appreciate the generalization though.

[MandaMom2Three]

That really ticks me off, people are jerks sometimes! Want to beat anyone up for you? :D (lol jk, I always ask people that when someone's bugging them LOL) srsly though, people can be so juvenile!

[rusika1]

It doesn't sound like going to your boss would be very helpful since he's part of the problem. It also sounds like you work in a male dominated, blue-collar job. Either these guys are intentionally harassing you because they dislike you for not fitting in to their standards, or they are harassing you because you're the new kid and your hair makes an easy target--almost a form of hazing. Either way, they want to see how far they can push you before you react. Don't make jokes about it, that's probably not going to work. Neither is ignoring it, that's just going to escalate things.

I would suggest starting out with responding by turning to your tormentor, looking him dead in the eye, and asking him what his problem is. And this is the important part--force him to answer. (Think mom demanding to know who scribbled on the wall when she knows it was you and just wants you to admit it.)

They grab your hair? reach back and grab their wrist (if possible) and give them the same 'what is your problem' treatment.

Don't treat it like a joke, and don't let them try to laugh it off as one. Tell them you're not laughing, and not to do it again. Be very careful in your delivery--you might want to practice at home. You want to sound forceful and in control.

Example: I am a middle aged female with long hair. The guy who delivers our office supplies is about my age and wears his long hair in a ponytail with covered elastics all down the length--about every 1.5 inches. The elastics are always the same color, usually red. Covered hair elastics usually come in an assortment of colors. One day, I started to ask him how many packages of hair ties he had to buy to get so many that matched. I guess I must have reached out my hand towards his hair (really not something I do without permission) and he said--without even turning around--"Don't touch my hair." Even though I hadn't touched it, his tone stopped me dead in my tracks. I couldn't finish my question, or explain why I wanted to know, or do anything except apologize and walk away. I'm guessing he's had lots of experience with the yanking thing, and he has a very effective response to it.

Erika

[hennaphile]

Oyyyyyy gavalt.

It occured to me that when people give me a hard time about my hair, I tend to either ignore and or icy stare of death, or if I just think that they're being unconscious, I say "how would you like it if I made comments about your personal appearance." These folks don't sound sentient enough to process that in their heads.

Also: speaking of LOTR, how many folks swoooned over Aragorn (Legolas was mentioned)? TONS.

You have the right to work in a safe and professional environment. Like others have said, it's in the company's best interest to fix this situation, and THESE clowns should be worried about their job, not you. I frankly think it's very stupid of then to act this way, and not consider the consequences. In all the jobs I've had, i NEVER thought it remotely appropriate to insult or harass anyone, and was extremely careful even in friendly situations because you never know how someone will interpret what you say, and how that can come back to bight you. They are being incredibly dumb. If you take it to a higher power like a lawyer or supervisor, maybe SpiderMom could have a reptile baby come with?

As for your family, well, families can be as thoughtless. I think sometimes families get in the habit of teasing and make it standard interaction, and forget that regardless of intention, it can come off as very hurtful/frustrating. (Then again my brother had a legitimate complaint about my hair, my braid used to be so long and thick that I could hit him with it hehehe.) My suggestion would be to be VERY firm and very serious. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I'VE TOLD YOU I DO NOT LIKE THIS. IF YOU CONTINUE, I WILL NOT GO TO YOUR WEDDING BECAUSE YOUR COMMENTS ARE SO DISRESPECTFUL.

Dunno if this helps! Keep them lovely locks whatever you do!

[Bunnyhare]

I also second hennaphiles comment, they must be jealous and chicks do dig long hair..i have had alot of gay friends too and they were all very short haired clean, none had long hair or facial hair. My husband has long hair, not quite to his tail bone and he pulls the viking stuff on people too, pulls out a big hammer! Don't give up! But if they are phsically pulling it hard enough to cause a bald spot you might want to have them arrested for assault! I am so sorry you are going through this, I know it is easy for us to say hang in there and constant barrage of insults all the time sucks the life out of you...but will you be happy if you give in and lose a fabulous piece of you? you have great hair!

[Shermie Girl]

The simple fact of the matter is that many people walking the face of this planet are idiots. And cutting your hair is not going to change that. It will only give them more power to continue being horrid to those who don't conform to their narrow idea of what a man is. Do you really want to do that?

I think not. :D

When on the job, you have the right to work in an atmosphere free of harassment. If it continues, be a clam. Say nothing. Don't react. Defend yourself physically, only if you are forced to, otherwise be a duck and let it roll off your back. And document everything. Log remarks, touching, hair pulling and insults. Events, dates and times. Then get an attorney and go after the company. Many communities have legal aid offices or you may very well be able to find an attorney who will represent you on contingency.

When at work, wearing your hair in a style that is less conspicuous could help. Should you have to? No. But it may make your life a bit easier. A club is a good style. It will contain and protect your length and it looks masculine. Especially if tied off with a length of soft leather or rawhide.

Dealing with family is difficult. They are the people you love most and their comments can cut deep and cause a lot of pain. Perhaps the best way to cope is to just sit everybody down, either all together or one on one and tell them how you feel. Tell them that the "jokes" and nasty comments aren't funny and hurt you. Perhaps that will be enough to get them to back down and stop teasing you.

I honestly don't believe that you should feel as if you have to flee your home and job just to have your hair. You have the right to live where you do and be yourself. Don't let the arseholes of the community drive you away. Stand tall and firm in who you are.

[GlassEyes]

Since when is it acceptable between adults to use "gay" as pejorative comment????? Or to doubt a man's masculinity based on the length of his hair?????



Or on his sexuality.


But anyway, on topic, I haven't encountered this myself (yet) but couldn't you file harassment charges against your place of work/the people in it for things of this nature? I'm pretty sure laying a hand on you, nevermind pulling your hair, is ground for harassment, maybe even battery, especially if they're pulling hard enough to rip out hair. Your family is a bit of a more sensitive area, but at least you can deal witht he workplace.

And if it's a job where there's someone over your boss, I'd go to her/him and report it, with a mention of pressing charges just in case their thinking is alongside your co-workers. And if they fire you over hair when you've been working there for a long time (I'm assuming) that, combined with the harassment, is probably grounds for a lawsuit. Just my two cents.

[hennaphile]

Since when does long hair on guys=feminine?
Vikings, barbarians in general, Native Americans, "biker dudes", Metallica, every other metal band I can think of, Conan, some wrestlers, etc. Guys with long hair are hardcore.
On the other hand, the Romans, the "boy-lovers", made a point to have short hair.

YA!:eyebrows:

[/QUOTE] Whenever someone would tell him to cut his hair, he'd say, "Jesus had long hair," and most of the time they'd shut up (even though we really don't know how he kept his hair, it's still in all the pictures we make of him). Of course, we live in the Bible belt, so I guess this response may not work so well in a more atheistic society, and one who is an atheist may not be comfortable saying this. ? [/QUOTE]

Oh believe me, we're comfortable with that comeback. Because it works. :cheese:

[rusika1]

Oh, and being able to 'innocently' embarrass the heck out of the other person by making them look like dumb in front of witnesses can help cut down on the harassment.

To "you look gay", respond with "Really? Name 5 gay men with long hair. The 1970's and the 1980's don't count". Remember to wait politely for them to answer (or not be able to come up with any names). At that point, you can respond in the most appropriate manner, ranging from "That's okay, dude, I'm sure you'll be able to think of someone...eventually" to "Wow, good job, who knew you were so knowledgeable about gays". And then change the subject completely.

If your sister makes another bridesmaid comment, tell her you know how important her wedding day is to her, and if she thinks your hair is going to ruin her big day, you'll make the sacrifice to skip the wedding and reception if that's what she wants. Once again, remember to wait politely for her to answer, and make sure there are others around for the whole exchange. NOTE: Don't do this one unless you really are willing to miss your sister's wedding and reception, just in case she calls your bluff.

[berr]

Hmmmm.... I'd be very rude and tell them to ef off. But that is just me. I've never been known to be the diplomat.

I think your hair is awesome.

[Natalia]

I corresponded with him via email and he signed his The Lucifer Effect book for me! I :heart: him! He is so righteous ... and cool!

Oh YAY thats the t-shirt i have :heartbeat I saw his house when i was visiting my friend it is beautiful!

[AmandaPanda]

I took a course called "Guiding the Behavior of Young Children." (I swear this is related) The textbook gives some examples for good retorts to teasing.

One simple word: "so?" It conveys indifference. I used this in junior high, when one girl made some comment about my "big nose" and I simply said, "So..?" and she never said anything else about it.

Reframing: say something like, "That's a great put-down"

Don't let them see that you're angry, frustrated or hurt by their comments.

It's really sad that some adults act like 4 year olds

[Pixna]

One simple word: "so?" It conveys indifference. I used this in junior high, when one girl made some comment about my "big nose" and I simply said, "So..?" and she never said anything else about it.


Oh, and being able to 'innocently' embarrass the heck out of the other person by making them look like dumb in front of witnesses can help cut down on the harassment...."Wow, good job, who knew you were so knowledgeable about gays." And then change the subject completely.

I love both of these responses. They are just the type of retort almost anyone can make, even if he/she isn't the "aggressive" type (which I am not).

Shadow Walker, I've said it before (and so have many others), but it's worth repeating. Your hair is gorgeous, you are handsome and masculine-looking, and you should never change your appearance to appease someone else (if you cut your hair, what will they ask you to do next?).

I agree that your locale is probably a large part of the problem. Small towns often breed small-minded people. I know you said you can't just pack up and leave, but it might be worth doing some Internet searches and putting out some feelers online. There are lots of reputable sites where you could post your resume, and you might want to start thinking of some parts of the country that are more open and accepting, where you could be you without fear of harassment.

I agree with those who suggested that you let your family know in no uncertain terms that you will not visit them or go to the wedding if they continue to make comments about your hair. Of course, you have to feel comfortable making such an ultimatum, but if you are, it might be the only technique that will work.

Don't cave in to the whims of others who are envious of you and your good looks (and awesome hair that suits you perfectly) -- you would undoubtedly regret it!

[marialena]

Your hair are gorgeous and I advice you not to cut them.
About the rude comments in your job: Have in mind that this kind of behavior from co-workers is illegal and you can make officially a complain to your's area work authorities. Especially by the time that their comments include sexual connotations and threats for physical harm ( because it is a threat the claim from your supervisor that he will do you the favor to cut your hair - who does he think he is anyway?? )

As for your family's members.. Tell them that this is your head and your hair so it is time to look at their jobs and don't bother with your appearance.

In any case your hair are gorgeous and don't ever think to cut them again.. :)

[FullMoonTrim]

Ugh, adults can be such brats sometimes. How do you style it? You have such beautiful hair, I can see people harassing you if it was out or in a loose ponytail... Guys particularly aren't "meant" to have such lovely, silky, shiny hair! Maybe a braid, or something? (A humourous example: I have a mate of Scandanavian background (Sweedish, I think, but I'm not sure...) who was harassed over his dead-straight smooth blonde ponytail, so he started wearing braided pigtails. When people laughed at him and asked why, he'd growl, "because I'm a [unprintable]-ing viking, that's why!" People usually... left him well alone after that. *Laughs*)

Do you have any ... (what's the proper term...?) Indigenous American background? Can you pull that one to get people to leave you alone?
I like what that guy said. I think something like that might work really well!

[Krystyle]

It takes a lot to get me annoyed or worked up, but over the past year or so things have gotten really rough. Literally every day I'm harassed in some form because of my hair, and it's getting to be too much to deal with. I've got a really thick skin and I'm totally confident in having long hair, but I'm seriously considering cutting it back to maybe shoulder or APL, because having waist length hair is obviously drawing too much negative attention.

First off, my co-workers are the worst. The "you should cut your hair" comments I just pass off, but some of the more childish crap is getting to wear on my nerves. Every single day they either call me a girl, or gay (putting it nicely..), or refer to me by a female variant of my name, or they come up behind me and say "oh hey baby, let me get your number... oh sorry Chris, it's just you". I used to laugh it off, but now it's getting so annoying that my head is ready to explode. What's worse is when they yank on my hair (I have to tie it back for work since I work outdoors), so hard that at the top of my head where my part line ends I'm starting to get a bald spot, and my scalp hurts too. Heck, my supervisor even said that if I'm still working there in a few years and still growing my hair that he would "do me a favor and cut it".

I get no relief from my family either, they can be just as bad. My brothers refer to me as a girl as well, and my sister jokes about how I should be a bride's maid in her upcoming wedding, and that I look "gay" and should just cut it all off. I snapped on her today when she referred to me as a girl, and I told her that I get enough of this crap at work, and she seemed quite surprised at my reaction. And I can't even go out to buy a case of beer without getting snide comments from the guy at the counter who checks my ID (I have a buzzcut in my driver's license picture). It seems to happen every time and the other night was no exception, I ended up barking at him to just shut up and ring up my beer.

I really like having long hair, but having to deal with this day in and day out gets extremely frustrating. It's also making me a resentful, and at times, angry person...and that's not me. I don't see too many options here, I know that if I tried putting it in a bun or something to hide the length then I'll just get harassed even more for being a girl, and that's not something I want. This is just a really tough situation because I'm confident having long hair and wearing it down and stuff out in public, but the endless barrage of negativity is driving me nuts. It must seem kind of childish to let things like this get to me, but when it happens every single day for over a year and keeps getting worse, it really wears you down. I just don't know what to do...


If those guys knew what a chick magnet your hair is, they'd probably grow it long too.

[AngelicBrunette]

Unless you are planning to cut to an above chin layered style, I would not cut at all if I were you. They will most definitely NOT be satisfied with BSL, and if you cut it to there they will only be FURTHER encouraged to nag at you. They will think that since they got you to cut this far, surely it will only take a bit more encouragement to get it shorter.

And for those saying it's jealousy, I don't think it is. Although it may be hard for some of us here to grasp, some people just genuinely don't like long hair. (it can be displayed even harsher towards men though, for sure, even by people who wouldn't mind it as much on a woman). I have experienced these comments myself, and still do at times.

I would probably talk to your supervisor and point out what the employees are doing (go to someone higher if it is the supervisor too). Tell him you will no longer put up with it, and you are not going to respond so kindly anymore. Then proceed to respond harshly, yelling, or hitting back peoples hands if they pull your hair , etc. Hopefully the supervisor would handle it before , but if not that could be the backup. I don't really have much advice for how to stop it, all I know is that if you cut it, unless very short, it will not stop them!

[longhairedfairy]

If those guys knew what a chick magnet your hair is, they'd probably grow it long too.

Agreed!:D (adding some letters to make post long enough)

[Fillette]

I am so sorry that you are going through this... Your hair is absolutely gorgeous and it would be a shame for you to cut it off... It is really sad that people can be so stupid.
Have you looked into filing a formal complaint with HR? I think this could qualify as sexual harassment...
Again, I am really sorry that this is happening to you. :grouphug:

[ChatoyantLocks]

I really wish I could just move, this is not a good place for someone like me to live. Unfortunately I don't have the means to pack up and hit the road or else I probably would have.



You certainly have the option of staying where you are, and can choose to do so. If you actually want to move, and just haven't figured out how to do so, that is a different situation. I grew up in a small town in the midwest and had gotten the sense that the only way to leave was through college (which was how I did it), but have since learned that there are other ways to get out.

You have a job that is producing income. That is the first step. The next one is deciding where you want to go and researching the cost of bus tickets to get there and the location and cost of a youth hostel in the area. Then you save up a small amount of money - enough to cover bus tickets to and from that location, the cost of the youth hostel for a period of time, food, and incidentals. Make reservations for the youth hostel and buy bus tickets. Pack a bag with some clothes, toiletries, and snacks and get on the bus and go there (the rest of your stuff can wait). Look for a job there. If you find one during the time period you are at the youth hostel, then you can look for someone seeking a roommate, and you are all set. If you don't find a job, you use your return bus ticket and head back to your current home and start saving up to try again.

[SHELIAANN1969]

I am sorry that the people around you are complete jackasses. arghhhhhhh

You could update your license photo, that would take care of the old buzzcut photo, I know it seems illogical, but it would be easier to see that it is indeed you *with long hair*.

I would start copping a different attitude, but I'm just a snarky old hag sometimes. :D

Ideas: (may or may not be taken seriously)

Get your hair in cornrows and start walking with a swagger, anytime calls you Christina bark back at them that you don't like being harassed or punked and call them a female variation of their name.

When they come up and say *hey baby yadda yadda* tell them you don't know what their idea of a good time is but you aren't down for their kind of fun. You can even say that you are pleased they felt free and comfortable enough to come out of the closet to you but that you're straight and will support them in any way necessary, just not *that way* :D Turn those tables!!

I would ask the manager if he is pleased with your job performance, if he is, I would tell him that this is pure harassment, even sexual harassment and you're sick of it and may be forced to go to the Employment office to file charges against the harassers.

I know it's extreme, but unless you just kick their asses, I don't see them stopping, some people are just plain out jerks and carry their so called *jokes* too far.

That is a stressful way to live, and I can't see anyone blaming you for going postal on their asses.

Good luck. :grouphug:


ETA: why the hell would anyone think you're homosexual because you have long hair, or that it's girly? Heck, look at all the old time Classic Rockers, Hard Rockers, guys in a band, etc.

People are nuts, tell em you're gonna be like Ozzy Osbourne or Alice Cooper and you're just getting your look down pat. :D

[darkwaves]

Shadow Walker -- it's not the hair. Cutting it may not fix anything. As others have suggested, if you cut, your tormentors may move onto other aspects of your life.

For some reason, they have targetted you as a source of their own ego highs. You are the family and office scapegoat.

Do you want that? If not, you have options -- and cutting your hair is not a solution!!!


Get further training. Although I read your posts with interest, I don't know what your background is, or your current job. But seriously, as EdG says, many workplaces would not tolerate this. (Where I work, too, we take this stuff very seriously.) If you aren't qualified to move on now, try to fix that.
Take assertiveness courses. You need to have a series of responses in your back pocket -- and the confidence to deliver them.
Practice responses. My favourite, the favourite of a friend's husband, is the ever-so-neutral, "What an interesting thing to say." Best delivered deadpan. Never let them know they've got you.
Play with Improv or acting classes -- especially those that feature inter-personal status. These are totally cool and completely changed my interactions with people! On one level, it's all a game. Once you see that (which, granted, took me decades), this nonsense is easier to calmly handle -- and even have fun with.
Move -- but be aware that wherever you go, there you are... (to no doubt misquote some New Age Guru). And you're there complete with all the baggage and mistrust and unease you brought with you from the last place. So build your confidence and sense of self at the same time you move on.
Wear your hair in a braid or in those biker pony-tail styles with several containing elastics at work. Never loose. There's something about loose long hair, even for women, that's seen as unprofessional -- and inviting of comments. When your hair is tied back, you'll look tougher, too. (And okay, so these guys will play with the braid...)
Accept that this is a cultural reaction, from the specific community you currently live in. Is this the kind of place where you want to stay and build your future? Take a chance! You are so young. You have so much time to find other ways to live and be happy somewhere else!
Limit your contact with your family while you're building your sense of self, until you can deal with their off-hand rudeness. Again, that seems cultural to me -- or, at least, a specific way of behaving within this tiny circle that -- seriously! -- many outside would find appalling.
And, accept that this really will get better in a year or two or so...


Good luck. But more important, believe in yourself -- and do something about this.

[xsadiemamx]

Ok these people at your work are complete jerk offs. File a formal complaint, contact your states harrasment center and if it doesnt stop SUE THE PANTS OFF THEM! Let me telll you something, I think, (as well as alot of other women) that long hair on a man is SEXY! Not only that but it takes a real man to wear long hair. These pople have nothing better to do with there time than act lke a bunch of high school little b***** and screw with you. That is just disgusting. They just need to have something to do and there is ALWAYS that one person they have to pick on in order to have something to talk about all day cuz they are so STUPID and IGNORANT their minds cant construe something constructive to talk about. I do feel for you because I used to dress goth and I was everyones topic of conversation and I jsut got to the point where I started having fun with it and screwing with people by telling them oh ya i worship the devil. Ya I like to set animals on fire which I DO NOT I love animals and would never hurt them. But anyways I just scared the crap out of everyone lol and no one wanted to screw with me no more. Not only that but I have had numerous boyfreinds with long hair and I constantly got asked if I was a **** and people would scream out their cars lesbian, ****, *** gay ect.... People are just rude and creul. Dont even listen to them I know its hard cuz they are in your face all day but just try to ignore it the best you can. I would def file a law suit. Get some evidence tape them or something. As for your fam, tell them to screw and leave you alone. I dont get it bikers and heavy metal guys have long hair, you know. Its a statement and i love it. I used to hang out with all guys that were in bands and I used to braid there hair and brush it and do all kinds of stuff and I absolutley loved it. If you want I have seen alot of men wearing this hairstyle...I actually do it myself. You take your hair and put it in a ponytail at your nape and every inch or so you put another hair tie all down the lenght of you hair. Its an awesome hairstyle and maybe then pople wont really notice it and harrass you so much. I dont know, but these people sound like a bunch of a$$*****. I dont know what their problem is there are a lot of men ou there with long hair. Next time someone disses you just make a comeback and say like uh whats that smell whens the last time your brushed your teeth or something lol.

Whatever you do PLEASE dont cut it!!! Its beautiful! DONT let them hurt you. Stand up for yourself. You dont need this stress and aggrevation from these petty little jerks. Cheer up! At least you know of about more than 100 sexy ladies here on LHC That LOVE your hair!!!!

[RavennaNight]

It really surprises me though, that it has taken this long for the people around you to get it. It's not like you showed up one day and went from a crew cut to waist length hair. :confused: I know that is overly simplistic to say, but still. Aren't they used to seeing the hair by now?

On another note, it may be possible that other men feel threatened by your "chick magnet" hair. They don't have it, nor do they want long hair. They are completely confounded over it. To them, how is it possible that a man with long hair like that be a threat and competition to their masculinity. It is so out of the norm, yet very masculine. In their little brains, it makes no sense and it freaks them the he!! out. They are trying to eliminate the competition because what you have is so unusual.

[SheWolf]

Shadow, small minds can't stand individuality. They wallow in sheep mentality, worship the status quo and feel deeply threatened by anyone who thinks against the tide.
The guys that you describe come off as loud mouths who probably have zero personal power in their household and whom their wives have nicknamed "Softy"; "Mr. 2 minutes"; "Speedy"; "Huff, Puff and Quits"; "Mr. Dribbles" and the likes.
In fact, if those apes could read, they could easily be compared to the "teacher" in this clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3l1-QbsU5gA&feature=related

So no, cutting your hair simply won't do. It would only give them more ammunition.
Find a way to move to a place where minds are wide open and individuality is enjoyed, or you're going to atrophy. This is no way to live.

[Spiffyhink]

Just my 2 cents worth...

If you do manage to land a job interview someplace, or even when you're turning in applications and such, I'd suggest keeping your hair up and away. Since you're male, they'll still be able to tell that it's longer than normal, but this way it won't be too obvious. With your hair up I think they're less likely to go running around to co-workers saying things like, "Heeeeey, the new guy's got hair down to his waist, heh" and etc. I also second the comment about wearing it up at work as much as possible.

You should never have to be ashamed of your hair, but sometimes it's necessary to make it a little bit less distracting.

[Shadow Walker]

Although I read your posts with interest, I don't know what your background is, or your current job.

I work for a local, family owned business that has a garden store, greenhouse, and landscaping department (that's where I work). I do lawn care, pesticide spraying, and some landscaping. There's no HR department or anything of the sort, just my supervisor and the guy above him who runs the whole landscape department.

Aside from my supervisor I'm the oldest in my department, with everyone else being anywhere from a year to 3 younger than me. Everyone except me comes from a group of friends that have known each other outside of work for years, so I'm the outcast by default. They're your typical jock/frat boy types, and they find it entertaining to ridicule me not only for my hair but because I'm into metal, and they regularly spread rumors about me eating bats and drinking animal blood and stuff. Up until now I've been pretty good natured about it all, but that's going to change real fast.

[Nat242]

I work for a local, family owned business that has a garden store, greenhouse, and landscaping department (that's where I work). I do lawn care, pesticide spraying, and some landscaping. There's no HR department or anything of the sort, just my supervisor and the guy above him who runs the whole landscape department.

Aside from my supervisor I'm the oldest in my department, with everyone else being anywhere from a year to 3 younger than me. Everyone except me comes from a group of friends that have known each other outside of work for years, so I'm the outcast by default. They're your typical jock/frat boy types, and they find it entertaining to ridicule me not only for my hair but because I'm into metal, and they regularly spread rumors about me eating bats and drinking animal blood and stuff. Up until now I've been pretty good natured about it all, but that's going to change real fast.

Can I make a suggestion? Go and buy a notebook, and keep a log of EVERY incident - names, dates, times, type of incident. Keep track of every bullying comment and every unwanted touch.

Talk to your boss. Document their response. If nothing changes, consult a lawyer. I'm fairly sure that there are laws protecting you from this sort of behaviour, but you need the documentation to prove it's happening.

[galen]

Can I make a suggestion? Go and buy a notebook, and keep a log of EVERY incident - names, dates, times, type of incident. Keep track of every bullying comment and every unwanted touch.

Talk to your boss. Document their response. If nothing changes, consult a lawyer. I'm fairly sure that there are laws protecting you from this sort of behaviour, but you need the documentation to prove it's happening.

Great advice except I would not recommend talking to the boss until you first talk to an attorney experience in EEOC harassment cases.

http://www.eeoc.gov/types/sexual_harassment.html

[SheWolf]

Great advice except I would not recommend talking to the boss until you first talk to an attorney experience in EEOC harassment cases.

http://www.eeoc.gov/types/sexual_harassment.html

Seconded. Because the boss himself has proven less than ethical on this so far.

[xsadiemamx]

ya i know EXACTLY how you feel about being ridiculed for your taste in music. OH your a satanist, oh you like that headbanger crap. What do you do light candles and do witchcraft and sainces (however you spell that lol)?? ect. Uhm ya actually I did some withcraft and witchcraft has nothing to do with satan you morons. I live in witchcraft city lol! Why dont you get your head out of you ass and actually read into things before your start talkin crap. I cant stand people like that. They are so ignornant. Especially those cliquey type snobs who think money is the most important thing in the world when in reality its not even their money, its their parent. Then they get everything they want like mercedes and BMW's and think they are gods gift, then what do they do? SMASH it into pieces and they just get handed another one. It just sickens me. As I get older I start to realize how many people out there are so fregon sheltered and stupid. Like literally stupid. Its just disgusting. Ya exactly as you stated your the new guy so they all are acting like they are still in high school and they are the cool jock crowd who think they are gods gift and those types of people are our crowds ENEMY lol! They really are. They will just wear down your self esteem and crush your soul. But you know what, YOU re the better person. You dont go around in life striving to be better than eeryone else. You know what it is, they have low slef esteem and a huge ego. Thier entire lives revolve around it. GOD FORBID they were caught without their hair perfect, or without deodorant or without wearing their designer clothes you know what I mean? Let me guess you are just a down to earth kind of guy who really just wants to keep the peace right? Dont let them take your spirit Come here and vent whenever you need to. That is the most important thing right now is being able to vent to people who actually care and will listen to you and not judge. Oh ya and also sueing the crap out of them. Hey you never know maybe the ring leader of these jerks is gay and he is in the closet and has a crush on you, or is jealous because you actually have the balls to wear your hair long and dress the way you want and DO what you want without being criticised by your freinds and that is something his crowd would never accept so he is envious! They are all just a bunch of followers who cant think for themselves basically. Once one starts they ALL join in. Quite frankly its pathetic. I would just simply tell them hey you know what you dont like my hair? Too fregon bad buddy. Why dont you immature little *****'s go **** off and find something better to talk about. What are you obssesed with me or something? It seems like it your always up in my grill about my hair. I think you want to touch it and rub it all over your body, ya I know why dont you just come out of the closet? **BTW I have nothing against gay people whatsoever I have many gay/lesbian freinds this is no way intented to ridicule or bash gays. I hope this didnt offend anyone because thas not what I am trying to do in any way.**

[GlassEyes]

If they said that, I'd tell them that I don't feed off the blood of lesser animals, but I'd be perfectly willing to exsanguinate them. Then I'd smile. I'd smile a lot.

Probably won't help you though.

In any case, cutting only gives them an excuse to further harass people. Don't give them the satisfaction.

Also, I don't see why if they're pullignn on your hair and physically harming you that you can't go to the cops and file a harassment charge. If your boss fires you you can take 'em to court over it. xD;

[Chrissy]

Your story reminds me of this old but great song from when I was younger:

And the sign said "Long-haired freaky people need not apply"
So I tucked my hair up under my hat and I went in to ask him why
He said "You look like a fine upstanding young man, I think you'll do"
So I took off my hat, I said "Imagine that. Huh! Me workin' for you!"
Whoa-oh-oh

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?

And the sign said anybody caught trespassin' would be shot on sight
So I jumped on the fence and-a yelled at the house, "Hey! What gives you
the
right?"
"To put up a fence to keep me out or to keep mother nature in"
"If God was here he'd tell you to your face, Man, you're some kinda sinner"

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?

Now, hey you, mister, can't you read?
You've got to have a shirt and tie to get a seat
You can't even watch, no you can't eat
You ain't supposed to be here
The sign said you got to have a membership card to get inside
Ugh!

------ lead guitar ------

And the sign said, "Everybody welcome. Come in, kneel down and pray"
But when they passed around the plate at the end of it all, I didn't have a
penny to pay
So I got me a pen and a paper and I made up my own little sign
I said, "Thank you, Lord, for thinkin' 'bout me. I'm alive and doin' fine."
Wooo!

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Sign
Sign, sign



Shadow Walker - I hope you don't cut your long beautiful hair. I would go over your bosses head and file a harrassment complaint. Seriously!! If you give into their bs then they win. I can't imagine how upsetting this must be, especially if your family is doing the same thing.

I think you have a good case for harrassment especially since you said your boss is alluding to cutting it!!! I wish you the best.

[SHELIAANN1969]

/hijack

Chrissy, I love that song. :crush:

I sometimes just bust out singing it for no reason! :D

end hijack/

[SHELIAANN1969]

Shadow Walker, these guys are completely childish, they don't know how to communicate effectively and always have to be picking on someone to seem *Superior*

One of these days, they *will* get cut down a peg or 2, it may not be you, it may not be soon, but it will happen and they are going to be in some serious pain.

People can only take so much abuse, then they will attack, like a dog that's being kicked again and again and again, that dog will eventually bite. (I am not comparing you to a dog, it's just an example)

I bet if you were to call them on it, one by one, alone, and just call them out to a fight, they wouldn't do it. They would say something like "awwwwww man, I was just kidding, can't you take a joke" ugh

High school crap.

They need to grow up, this is the real world, a world where bills have to be paid and we have to get along with people at work. We don't have to be their best friends, but we have to be respectable and have common courtesy, something these chaps haven't yet learned.

I bet if they were working elsewhere, not a small town, family run establishment, they wouldn't be pulling these little *school yard bully* games. They would be warned, then fired if their behavior persisted.

I know there is no talking to *them* but if you go to the owner and discuss the situation, he may put a stop to this nonsense. he is a business man and didn't get this far by allowing people to bully him, or by bullying others.

Your hair, hair style, clothing, taste in music, choice of partner, or any of your *personal choices* has no bearing on the work that you perform.

One has nothing to do with the other, and your supervisor/boss can surely see this.

I hope this ends soon, these incidents are the reason people go off the wall and start whuppin up on their tormentors.

Just like kids who plot to shoot up the whole school because a select few have tormented them for years, they get sick of it and flip out. (I am not saying you would flip out and kill them, just giving an example)

You seem like a really cool dude and it's bullcrap that you have to put up with this nonsense at work/home etc. I don't understand how people would think *hair* or *lack of it* would make any difference on your personality or *who* you are. I am befuddled.

I wish I had something bright to say, but I don't. Just *keep on keepin on* and don't let them tear you down. :grouphug:

[Chrissy]

Hi again Shadow Walker. This may be a long shot on the job scene but if you go to
USAJobs.gov they have LOTS of jobs to check out. Since you are not already a government employee all you have to do is take a civil service test and pass it (it's easy) and you can qualify for all kinds of jobs. You can pick whatever category interest you and then pick any city you want to put in for. At least check into it. You don't have to put in for anything to look.

There are lots of jobs there. Maybe you could find something. I wish you the best my friend. We are all here for you. You've gotten some great advice. I do agree with what someone else said DON'T RESULT TO VIOLENCE!!!!! That would not help at all!!!

Chin up and please.............DON'T CUT!!!!!!

[BittSweetCherry]

I work for a local, family owned business that has a garden store, greenhouse, and landscaping department (that's where I work). I do lawn care, pesticide spraying, and some landscaping. There's no HR department or anything of the sort, just my supervisor and the guy above him who runs the whole landscape department.

Aside from my supervisor I'm the oldest in my department, with everyone else being anywhere from a year to 3 younger than me. Everyone except me comes from a group of friends that have known each other outside of work for years, so I'm the outcast by default. They're your typical jock/frat boy types, and they find it entertaining to ridicule me not only for my hair but because I'm into metal, and they regularly spread rumors about me eating bats and drinking animal blood and stuff. Up until now I've been pretty good natured about it all, but that's going to change real fast.


Ugh, that explains everything.

Have you worked there longer than them - and in particular, by a considerable amount of time? It would put some weight into your argument if you were to approach the supervisor/landscape department manager and say, "look, I've been here a long time, and I like this place, and what happens to it matters to me. But guys like these are too immature and could ruin it." The best threats are always about the business, never the living, breathing human beings involved. Sad, but true.

[Maelyssa]

I work for a local, family owned business that has a garden store, greenhouse, and landscaping department (that's where I work). I do lawn care, pesticide spraying, and some landscaping. There's no HR department or anything of the sort, just my supervisor and the guy above him who runs the whole landscape department.

Aside from my supervisor I'm the oldest in my department, with everyone else being anywhere from a year to 3 younger than me. Everyone except me comes from a group of friends that have known each other outside of work for years, so I'm the outcast by default. They're your typical jock/frat boy types, and they find it entertaining to ridicule me not only for my hair but because I'm into metal, and they regularly spread rumors about me eating bats and drinking animal blood and stuff. Up until now I've been pretty good natured about it all, but that's going to change real fast.


You know I really feel for you because with this group of idiots you're dam*ed if you do & dam*ed if you don't. Whether you cut or not you'll still be busted on.
If you feel that because you're not able to properly care for your hair at it's current length because of lifestyle (work etc) than take a few inches off. No one here will be anything other than supportive of you.
Even shoulder length hair on men is viewed as long so you'll still be rockin a pretty hot look.

These guys at work are guaranteed to make stupid comments no matter what length you have. The minute you do cut they'll just make fun of you because you finally got it cut like they wanted. It will open the door to a new line of comments...all negative.
It stinks but it's true.
I think if you're going to spar verbally with them then for this group you need to be really mean & crude but have a very cool & nonchalent attitude about it.
I can give examples but it will definitely be well beyond the rules of the forum.
Humans can be real jealous, hateful jerks. People make fun of each other for being to thin or heavy, for being to light or dark skinned, for having tattoos or piercings, etc.
It's pathetic.

[wintersun99]

It sounds like you need a new job! Perhaps it's time to put some serious thought into moving on???

I hope things are looking better today...

[Jason]

I'm surprised you're facing this doing landscaping. I've noticed that many landscapers at least around my area have long hair.

I find it especially mind-boggling that your family would be giving you a hard time. They should be your support!

I really hope you find some resolution soon without cutting your hair!

[Norai]

You have incredibly awesome hair, try not to let them get to you. :)

[Ineedmorehair]

I work for a local, family owned business that has a garden store, greenhouse, and landscaping department (that's where I work). I do lawn care, pesticide spraying, and some landscaping. There's no HR department or anything of the sort, just my supervisor and the guy above him who runs the whole landscape department.

Aside from my supervisor I'm the oldest in my department, with everyone else being anywhere from a year to 3 younger than me. Everyone except me comes from a group of friends that have known each other outside of work for years, so I'm the outcast by default. They're your typical jock/frat boy types, and they find it entertaining to ridicule me not only for my hair but because I'm into metal, and they regularly spread rumors about me eating bats and drinking animal blood and stuff. Up until now I've been pretty good natured about it all, but that's going to change real fast.


HAHAHA that's actually really cool and I think a lot of guys who have your look WANT to give out that type of vibe. Look, you look very different from most guys out there so OF COURSE you are getting picked on and you will KEEP getting picked on, so realize that this is who you are and this is who you will continue to be and the best and probably only thing you can do is not be fazed about it (not on the outside at least) and have something to say everytime someone says something to you. What they say behind your back, well, you can't control that and you know what, regardless of how your hair is if they're going to talk about you behind your back they'll do it with or without long hair (everyone gets talked about for some reason or another). Make sure you don't let someone get away with it because they're family or because "they were just joking" or because too many people were around or "they didn't mean anything bad" or you don't want to hurt their feelings. You set that person straight. They tell you to cut your hair you tell them you love it long but thanks for the suggestion. They tell you you look like you suck bats for food you tell them, f*uck you very much, that's exactly the look I was going for, and thank you for noticing and giving me props on it, give a smile and move on. Seriously, if you're going to look so different from most men out there you might just as well fight tooth and nail for it. Don't let people make comments and get away with it, they'll just keep at it. Your hair looks good in your pictures, make sure it always looks that way. Long haired men are awesome, but I hate the ones that look like they never wash their stringy hair-they just give people more reason to pick on them. And they don't even suck bats for food. AHHAAH, that is just the coolest thing, sucking bats for food:rollin:

[LutraLutra]

Aren't people horrible sometimes? What on earth is the matter with them. You're a guy. You've got long hair. So. Freaking. What.

Ok, so maybe it's not that common to see a guy with really long hair, but it's not totally incredibly amazingly weird.

The only things I can think of aren't postable in a PG13 environment. :mad:

Most of all, remember it's your body and you can do what you like with it. :grouphug:

[PrliamntofRooks]

Tell them as soon as they are willing to pay you $xxxx THOUSANDS of dollars, then you will cut it.

Or file harassment suits.

[Drynwhyl]

HAHAHA that's actually really cool and I think a lot of guys who have your look WANT to give out that type of vibe.

Not neccessarily.




It seems to me this is not about your hair, it's about them being d!ckheads. Can you go through your work day without talking to any of them? I would probably do that, as I don't need humans like those in my life (call me arrogant).
Don't cut your hair. You shouldn't sacrifice a part of you that you cherish so much because of them.
I sincerely hope they will stop it soon.

[Canarygirl]

I only read the first post on this thread so sorry if I missed something. I just wanted to say that what you are experiencing is workplace harrassment (of the hostile work environment variety). Do not cut your hair. Go to your HR department and file a complaint. If this isn't stopped now, it could escalate and get even more ugly. If your HR department doesn't know what to do--like if you work for a small company or something--the most important thing for them to understand is that they are required by law to do something to stop it and if they fail to act, they will be liable.

[hennaphile]

Not neccessarily.




It seems to me this is not about your hair, it's about them being d!ckheads. Can you go through your work day without talking to any of them? I would probably do that, as I don't need humans like those in my life (call me arrogant).
Don't cut your hair. You shouldn't sacrifice a part of you that you cherish so much because of them.
I sincerely hope they will stop it soon.

Seconded. If it wasn't your hair it'd be something else. :mad:


"Friends don't let friends get haircuts.":cheese:

[vindo]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this!

I was bullied for my long hair when I was a teen, never happened again though.
Looking back I think it was my personality back then. A little quiet and unsure.
These days, I am way different from most but noone dares to say anything anymore.
Maybe those people think they can just do it with you and that it is actually fun? As unsensitive as it seems to us, many people are simply TROLLS when it comes to stuff like that..:rolleyes:

I would talk to them and explain how you feel, if they are extremely stupid they will at least understand where you are coming from.

Fact is - thick hair for a grown up man is not too common, many of them would not be able to grow their hair to such lengths, especially since men are not so much into hair care. I have many male metal head friends that face this problem and just wish they were able to achieve that long mane.



Aside from my supervisor I'm the oldest in my department, with everyone else being anywhere from a year to 3 younger than me. Everyone except me comes from a group of friends that have known each other outside of work for years, so I'm the outcast by default. They're your typical jock/frat boy types, and they find it entertaining to ridicule me not only for my hair but because I'm into metal, and they regularly spread rumors about me eating bats and drinking animal blood and stuff. Up until now I've been pretty good natured about it all, but that's going to change real fast.

That says a lot...put them in their place, you got nothing to loose. They don't like you now but maybe they will at least respect you.
It is very poor that they are grouping up like that...
I hope you have the strength to face them all, 1 against the rest feels bad I know.:(

Eta: "Frat Boy"? -> http://scienceblogs.com/seed/upload/2007/01/frat_boy.jpg

I eat those for breakfast...and Emo's too harhar..

[Braidmaid]

Shadow Walker, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Some people never grow up. I heartily second what others have said. You are who you are, and that is beautiful. If you cut your hair, they win.
As far as family goes, my dad tells the story of when he went to college in the '70's. He came home with his hair longer, sporting a beard. My grandmother, who is very religious, and conservative, stated, "Do think God wants you to have that hair on your face?" to which my dad replied, "That's right, Mom, if God wanted me to have hair on my face, He would have given it to me!"
You have wonderful hair that God has blessed you with. That's part of what makes you, you. Be encouraged.
As far as your co-workers are concerned, tell them that you have a lot of beautiful lady friends that admire your wonderful hair. I'm one of them!
Blessings!

[heidi w.]

I'm thinking a skull & crossbones handkerchief headscarf (like bikers wear), braiding the length or using small slide-y bands to tie off at intervals down the length will help....

And saving for a motorcycle.

Chains on the belt....

I mean all out hard-looking dude.

I see a lot of biker guys with long hair, and believe me, they don't even have a whiff of "Gay" or "Girl" about them.

Also, try to remember people project -- This is a psychological term for somehow revealing what they're about even though they're using you as the target. So these folks are homophobic, perhaps, or merely really stunted in the development in terms of having tolerance for differences from them.

Have you considered moving ever?

I suspect, based on your Avatar, that you have facial hair.....that's fairly studly, if you ask me.

Good quips will help.

I wonder that you can't somehow collectively speak to your family and let them know that this stuff isn't funny, and you'd appreciate some support even if they don't agree with your choice. There must've been times you supported them even though you disagreed with a choice.

Not very helpful, I know.

If you do cut, I wonder that you have to go quite that short? I would leave enough length you can make a nice braid, at least.

heidi w.

[heidi w.]

Oh, and when in a crowd with the guys, do you get more female attention?! Hmmm. I bet you do!

heidi w.

[Demetrue]

I have several different thoughts on your dilemma:
1. I personally find sharp V-hemlines on men with really long straight hair more masculine than blunt hemlines. Blunt hemlines on waist length hair almost look to carefully cared for, which could attract teasing, because guys aren't supposed to care (even though they do).
2. I would braid my hair before work and fold it up several times to create a 4-5 inch "pony" that I would wrap with a leather tie.
3. If anyone so much as touches your hair or head, I would whirl around and say in a loud firm voice, " Get your hands off me - Try that again and I'm calling the cops." or "Don't make me call 911, bro." "Do NOT touch me again."
4. If they call you Christina, say "Last time I checked, Christina didn't have a beard."
5. If they make a negative comment on your hair, tell them, "Jesus had long hair, get over it." "For a straight guy, You are spending way too much time thinking about other men's hair." "The longer the hair, the bigger the ****"

[Big&Bouncy]

I just wanted to tell you that your hair is gorgeous! I actually don't usually like men with long hair but your are rocking it. Don't let them push you into doing something you will regret.

[Alia]

Shadow Walker,

I'm sorry you're having to go through this crap. It sounds like they're going to act like asses regardless of anything you do to change your appearance. I don't have any good suggestions, having been teased and harrassed as a young teen--until I dated a guy with an intimate knowledge of homemade explosives, but that's neither here nor there--but do offer my sympathies.

[chamogirl]

Get in control of the situation.
Other people don't have the right on how you feel about yourself.
Go to Human Resource and and file a discrimanation and harressment suit.
Stick to your guns.
My oldest son had beautiful waist length ash blonde hair and when someone would hit on him - his reply? "You like suprises?"
He cut it off for a job that really never happened so I support his right to wear his hair anyway he wants to.
You can do this.

[chamogirl]

I just found your post about no HR department so in that case call Civil Libertys and talk to a lawyer for free.

[steff8ryan]

*Raises hand* Seconded!
yes i agree your hair is amazing ! xxx

[LittleOrca]

It it not much of a consolation for the harassment I know, but all of us here love your hair. We also understand what goes into getting hair long and taking care of it. Some people have no idea. I have been told to cut my hair many times. "It will go back." is always what they say, but they have no idea that it takes years.

Keep your hair if that is what you really want. Don't give into what other people think of you. If I had done that, I wouldn't have ever become a mermaid. ;)

[Drynwhyl]

Oh, and when in a crowd with the guys, do you get more female attention?! Hmmm. I bet you do!

heidi w.

I bet he does.

[Shadow Walker]

Actually I don't, it's pretty hard to get any female attention at all. I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself, it's just that long hair doesn't seem to be very popular around here. Most women that I've seen have between chin length and BSL at the most and long hair on guys is almost unheard of.

[Calista]

I also think you need to move. Landscape gardening is not such a specialized job that ties you to a certain area. Landscape gardeners are needed everywhere.

[neon-dream]

They're jealous; chicks dig long hair.

I agree.
And I don't understand how they are getting away with tugging on your hair! That's just plain mean. It's no wonder it's getting you down but won't you be even more upset if you cut it off?
Your hair is stunning and you really suit it. It's such a shame you're having to go through this. :(

:grouphug:

[frodolaughs]

Please find a way to move on, and soon. This is not a healthy situation, and it seems like the hair-length issue is nothing more than an excuse (and these sort of people would find some other excuse if you had short hair). I know it can feel impossible to get out of a bad place and a bad situation when your stuck in the middle of it, but I hope that for your own safety and well-being you can find a way forward. Where would you most like to live? What do you want to be doing? What kind of people would you choose to have around you? What is tying you to where you are, and how tightly are you bound?
Take care of yourself.

[Madame J]

I also think you need to move. Landscape gardening is not such a specialized job that ties you to a certain area. Landscape gardeners are needed everywhere.

Oooh, we could have two parallel polls: One is "If you DO think long hair on men is sexy, where do you live?" and the other "If you DO NOT think long hair on men is sexy, where do you live?" We could limit it to females in the US. Whaddya think?

[pandora114]

<comments removed*>
I dated a guy who had the most GORGEOUS SL natural black hair. Chisled features, body like Brandon Lee..

OMG HAWT...

So yeah, move. like umm...to...umm...I dunno, someplace that isn't Wisconsin? no offense but sounds like you live in a very rural area, move more urban/suburban. you'd make a mint doing landscaping in the suburbs of a nice city. My BIL has his own landscaping business out of one of the many Suburbs of Toronto. He makes a MINT. He also plows driveways during the winter...

So yeah...run your own landscaping business once you move to a more urban area!

[Zopheya]

You've got amazing hair - many women would be jealous!!

On one hand, I believe that long hair should truly be a joy, and if the harassment has really gotten to the point of detracting from your enjoyment of long hair, then maybe you SHOULD cut it - but no shorter than shoulder-blade length!

On the other hand, I completely agree with the discussions of "herd-mentality", etc. Your hair is objectively very healthy and attractive. These people are simply conforming to a sociably accepted aesthetic. They are conditioned by what the "crowd" says is "normal." The thing is, they probably don't even realize that they are victims of conditioning - most people truly believe that their tastes are actually their own, not realizing that they have simply internalized societal standards of beauty.

In that vein, it is interesting to consider that one aspect of having long hair is rebellion - sometimes, long hair is a physical indicator that you don't buy into typical notions of attractiveness or lifestyle. Yes, sometimes it can be an indicator that you're saying, "F*uck your standards; standards are relative; I follow my own."

[kathrynrose]

Shadow Walker, sweetie, sounds like you have had enough. Good; now DO something (said in the spirit of encouragement).

Let me reiterate THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOUR HAIR. It is about a simple fact: people don't understand, they hate that which they don't understand, fear that which they hate, and destroy that which they fear. Remember that individuals are different than people and that there are no quick, easy, painless fixes for life's experiences.

Such as I have, give I you: do with it what you will.

It seems to me your job options are as follows:

1. stay where you are and nothing will change...you can cut your hair or not. Either way, these people will not allow you peace. You are guaranteed to face this harrassment in some form.

2. move and everything will change...it has to change because you will change. There is no guarantee that you will not face similar situations in the future, but there is a chance for peace.

The question is: what is your peace worth to you?

Family is a whole other beast entirely. They either love you or hate you; regardless of anything you do or say. The only way to change how your family interacts with you is to change they way you interact with them. You made an excellent first step when you snapped at your sister. You set boundaries, you let her (and everyone else listening) know that what she said hurt you. You started the change process...that is the most difficult part, seeing it through to the end is the most challenging (but WELL worth the trouble).

Regardless of whether you choose to move or to stay, you MUST repair and change your relationships with your family. Your family is obviously important to you, this is why you will never find your peace until you feel loved and supported by your family.

Blessings.

[getoffmyskittle]

What you have described at work is serious harassment. If your superiors won't intervene, I suggest involving the ACLU (http://www.aclu.org/).

If you're not willing to take such drastic steps/quit your job/etc, I'd suggest playing along. Talk about the great time you had last night at the gay bar. Ask them how their shopping at J. Crew went.

You have every right to be upset, but don't show it to them - that's exactly what they want.

[heidi w.]

My general understanding is that this isn't necessarily about a kind of class action about race or gender or this kind of discrimination in some way, so likely the ACLU would not be vitally interested in his "case". It also lacks a certain kind of media frenzy aspect, and the ACLU tends to like to be involved in 'bigger' issues.

While I agree this is absolutely workplace harassment, it's not always so easy to go to one's management and file any form of a complaint. Often, in doing so the complainee becomes a target even more, of both management AND other coworkers.

One must be careful in making such a decision to make management aware. Because if it's an all-male environment, or mostly male environment, such as a shop, for example, then management in these environments has a tendency to say who filed a complaint or somehow reveal the individual, such as, well, guys, we don't want no one harassing anyone with long hair around here.

Management rarely asks what the individual wants done, or the worker's suggestions for improving such a situation.

It's rather problematic.

Most of us also don't have the bucks to up & quit, especially with it taking 8 mos-1 yr for most folks to find that new job!

However, one can seek new employment, and when it is offered, jump ship!

That's a longer term solution that isn't necessarily a solution as we don't know how the new people will behave in the new workplace environment either.

I find these types of attitudes tend to reside in geographic locales.

I still say showing up to work on a Harley may change a few viewpoints. IF they think you got biker guys backin' you up, well, then, they might simmer down their shenanigans.

This is not me saying don't go to management, but just that you know your work situation best and your management's style best and what the most likely outcome would be.

heidi w.

[getoffmyskittle]

My general understanding is that this isn't necessarily about a kind of class action about race or gender or this kind of discrimination in some way, so likely the ACLU would not be vitally interested in his "case". It also lacks a certain kind of media frenzy aspect, and the ACLU tends to like to be involved in 'bigger' issues.

I thought of that, but suggested the ACLU anyway because this is clearly a case of rampant sexism/homophobia, despite the fact that Shadow Walker is a straight man. This is unlawful discrimination at any rate, which is listed on their about page (http://www.aclu.org/about/index.html). I still think it's worth a shot.

[InTheCity]

I'm sorry you're going through this but your hair is absolutely gorgeous. Remember that!

And as a 25 year old chick, I think you look great with it long.

My advice - read this thread daily.
And of course, a big "*&^! You" may need to be said to the folks bothering you. Oh wait, maybe I'm just saying that because I was recently transferred to an office job to a maintenance job managing 75 construction-type workers :cool: Where have my manners gone..

[GoddesJourney]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this!

I was bullied for my long hair when I was a teen, never happened again though.
Looking back I think it was my personality back then. A little quiet and unsure.
These days, I am way different from most but noone dares to say anything anymore.
Maybe those people think they can just do it with you and that it is actually fun? As unsensitive as it seems to us, many people are simply TROLLS when it comes to stuff like that..:rolleyes:

I would talk to them and explain how you feel, if they are extremely stupid they will at least understand where you are coming from.

Fact is - thick hair for a grown up man is not too common, many of them would not be able to grow their hair to such lengths, especially since men are not so much into hair care. I have many male metal head friends that face this problem and just wish they were able to achieve that long mane.



That says a lot...put them in their place, you got nothing to loose. They don't like you now but maybe they will at least respect you.
It is very poor that they are grouping up like that...
I hope you have the strength to face them all, 1 against the rest feels bad I know.:(

Eta: "Frat Boy"? -> http://scienceblogs.com/seed/upload/2007/01/frat_boy.jpg

I eat those for breakfast...and Emo's too harhar..

Ha ha! Frat boy picture was hilarious!

[darkwaves]

As unsensitive as it seems to us, many people are simply TROLLS ...

Yes, this is so true!


I work for a local, family owned business that has a garden store, greenhouse, and landscaping department...

And Shadow Walker, thank you for giving more background on your situation. It sounds incredibly toxic to me -- and you know, the worst thing about an environment like that isn't necessarily the comments and harassment, but how much of a hit your confidence can take, and how that can affect the rest of your life.

Like many abusive situations, harassment at work can lead people to feel... Unqualified. Incapable of moving on. Unable to access references. Worthless. Unemployable. Stuck. Which, some might argue, is exactly the position in which the abusers want their victims to be.

I'm trying not to read more into what you've posted than the words themselves, but I wonder if your reluctance to look at other options relates to that?

Then again, some people really are just insensitive and mean. But do you really want to work with them?

Be strong. Believe in yourself!

[GoddesJourney]

Okay, I've been keeping track of this thread and I'm going to have to agree with moving. It would appear that your area of Wisconsin sucks. Either search for a job elsewhere (craigslist) and move, or do the lawsuit thing and use the that money to help you relocate. It sounds like the (obviously small) town you're living in is too close-minded for you and you need to move on. Maybe moving isn't such a bad option while the economy sucks. You can start over anywhere and it won't matter.

On the female thing...

One of the things that turns me and a lot of other girls off to a guy that would otherwise be attractive is attitude. Maybe as teenagers we are more patient, but in our twenties we get to where we don't want to deal with the guy who looks like he has personal problems that we don't want to be our problems. For example, we meet a guy who looked good at first, but he seems like he's depressed all the time. He's not datable. He may be a nice guy, but he needs to figure himself out before he can be intimate with someone. Maybe the guy looks a little too elitist and will look down on us or our friends. Maybe the guy just never laughs or smiles. Those of us with with dating experience think about potential problems that we associate with certain red flags. Is this guy going to be needy? Is he going to be standoffish/jealous with my guy friends? Does he look like he has a bad temper? Does he look like he has no life of his own, and he will cling to me?

I have a friend now that looks a little like Frankenstein. When I met him he was really stiff, didn't smile, no jokes, no laughter, no fun. After a few weeks, he loosened up and now he makes jokes, smiles, laughs, even went out dancing with me and some friends. He seems like a different guy to me. I see him as attractive now even though physically he looks not so attractive. Suddenly, I can see why his girlfriend likes him, which I couldn't see before.

I'm not saying that these all apply to you, I'm just commenting on what I've seen in my experience. Think about what you're projecting. It may have nothing to do with long hair or heavy metal. It may be that something is coming off like it will inhibit what she most likely wants from a boyfriend, happiness. Day to day happiness. Most girls like a fun guy who will get along with their friends (and maybe family) so they can all hang out and do whatever it is they like to do. One of my old friends was single for years just because he looks unfriendly. He's a nice guy with a sense of humor, but he's standoffish to knew people and they don't like it.

I learned a lot about first impressions from working customer service. When you smile, and look happy, it makes other people want to smile and be happy. They like that feeling and they associate it with you. Next time you see a girl you think is cute, smile and talk to her. Confidence shows you won't be too needy and you have your own life. If you show her your sweet side, she'll be able to imagine spending some romantic time with you. Things she can brag about with her girlfriends (and she will).

Be that guy.

[lhangel9]

Your hair is absolutely wonderful looking! Please don't be discouraged by those who are either jealous and envious because they don't have the guts to grow their hair as long as yours or simply don't know how to. And remember, "misery loves company!" Also, sometimes folks don't really mean any harm - they just need a scapegoat and since your hair is so spectacular you've become the target. That's ok because you've got a great deal amount of support on LHC. The next time someone ribs you about your hair you might want to smile (I know it's hard but..) and say, "thanks." That'll get them thinking:confused:

[shadowclaw]

I agree with everyone else in saying that your hair is lovely, and you look quite masculine in your avatar. While I'm not a psychologist and I've only ever taken an intro course to psychology, from what I understand, people who bully others have some problem of their own and make fun of other people in order to feel better about themselves. So I would say that your coworkers pick on you because they need to put other people down in order to make themselves feel important or worthwhile.

So the next time someone makes a comment, you could respond with something like: "I realize that by criticizing me, you are just trying to make yourself feel good about yourself. What shortcoming of yours is making your own life miserable that you feel the need to make mine just as bad to make up for it?" Chances are they won't be able to make a comeback, because they'll either be too mad because it's true, or too shocked because they never realized it before. Then in the future, if they comment again, you can remind them about their behavior by saying something like: "There's that lack of self-esteem getting the better of you again."

Just a thought. After a while, they'll probably stop picking on you, either because they'll realize what they were doing is wrong, or because they simply won't want to hear the truth about their self-esteem coming from someone else.

[Fractalsofhair]

Your hair looks wonderful! Honestly, my family pushed my brother to cut his hair because he was(Is still...) balding, it was knee length and not terribly well taken care of, and it just wasn't looking too flattering for him. However, your hair looks shiny and healthy. My boyfriend gets called gay a lot due to his hair too, but I'm not sure why. Best option he's found is if I'm around him for me to act very flirty around the people that insult him and really show how much I like him. He is bi, and can act feminine at times(he loves chick flicks and shopping... Yet he's very masculine in other ways, just some things he's very girly, and it's not an issue for me, but a lot of guys get freaked out when he says his favorite book is Jane Eyre etc. We're all a mix of the two genders though, so it's not an issue.), so he's a different boat than you are, since he's not straight, but he's not gay. (Not that there is anything wrong with being gay, but he's not.) Most gay guys I know don't have terribly long hair, and the very long haired guys I know are all attracted to women, oddly enough. It is harassment and bullying, and it does suck. Generally just saying that you like your hair long, or that chicks like playing with it, that can help. I think it's mostly the shock value of your hair for them, most people haven't seen many WOMEN, much less men with hair that long, due to damage and the fashion of short haircuts. Good luck with dealing with it, and just remember that your hair looks better than most women's! And you're not bald either!

[david]

Just read this thread...it looks like your having a hard time.

I have to agree with everyone else here and advise you NOT to cut your hair. You should not have to cut your hair just to please other people around you. If your happy with your hair and others decide to wind you up and give you hassle then thats their problem. They are either jealous or just trying to force you into doing something you dont want to do. Just another form of bullying.

Being a fellow guy with very long hair (currently around waist length) I do understand where your coming from. I generally get good comments on my hair and girls in general like it and it gets me more attention, because girls always come up to me and compliment me. I also play in a band and its become one of my trademarks. However, I do sometimes get the odd idiot who comes up with similar comments that your getting. You know the old "you look like a girl", "cut your hair" or I get mistaken for a girl from the back. But I usually just turn their stupid comment back at them and it shuts them up or I just ignore them. For example, to the old "you look like a girl" comment I would either reply thanks for the compliment or you must have dated some funny looking girls. But overall I don't let the idiots annoy me, I grew my hair to please myself not to please others.

So I would advise you to either leave your job or just put your hair up so as none of your "workmates" can do anything to you and get on with your job letting them waffle away with their stupid comments. As others have said while at work you could put your hair up in a ponytail, plait or you could bun it and cover it with a hat or something. With regards to your sister, as others have said I would call her bluff or humour her by saying if you want me to be a bridesmaid thats cool, as it would wind her up more.:)

Hope you dont give in to these idiots.

[enfys]

I haven't read every page, but I read a lot of them, and I have to echo what lots of people have said.

Don't cut your hair! You're one of the few who looks so handsome, exotic and downright hot with long hair that it would be a crime. And guess what; these bullies know that.

Even if you did (don't!) it probably wouldn't stop them. If they don't like you they won't like without long hair, and they'll have ground you down and won.

If you can't complain and get taken seriously by your bosses I'd seriously consider getting a new job. Some of what is happening and being said would be considered illegal here.

The "gay" thing I just don't get. In gay clubs here most of the men have shaved heads. And girly, well not many girls/women have hair as long as your either last time I checked.

Be strong, and come here when you need cheering up because we're all fans of you it seems lol.

[mugglemomof3]

I haven't been able to read past page one, but wanted to send out hugs and tell you how sad I am that in today's society you are having such troubles.

Is there any way you can get a different job, one with more mature co-workers? There's got to be a way for you to be true to your wishes and wants and not have to deal with such abuse. It is abuse.

[rhubarbarin]

ShadowWalker,

I'm sorry you are going through this! It seems REALLY weird to me the extent and nature of the harassment you are getting. It must be a very, very conservative place. Around here, long hair on a man isn't considered a feminine trait unless a man is effeminate in manner. Not a single gay guy I know has hair longer than a couple inches! Long hair is common on sex symbols, rock musicians and bikers and yeah, women seem to like it a lot.

If I were you, this would be too much to take. It sounds like you are being firm and refusing to back down - and everyone's behavior is just escalating. I would either cut (which would be such a shame, your hair is lovely), or find a new job or even a whole new place to live, if possible.

I would love to see you press charges against your co-worker's and bosses for this - the hard hair-pulling in particular is just unbelievable - but you couldn't do so without losing your job or inspiring hatred, so I don't think that's really an option unless you are prepared to leave.

[wackyredtangles]

You look so great, very masculine and attractive with hair. I hope you don't cut it, but I understand that sometimes certain sacrifices have to be made to get along in this world we live in. =(

I'm not that sure how you should deal with this either. If you plan on keeping that job taking legal action may not be the best idea. I did that once with sexual harassment. I worked in a restaurant with nearly all men, and they would get very touchy/grabby. One day I snapped, told one of them to get his hands off of me (screaming, I had been regularly saying that for months) and if anyone else laid a hand on me I was calling a lawyer. It took care of the problem, but I constantly got crap for it.

[Magdalene]

I'm sorry you're going thru this, ShadowWalker.

But I'm from the Milwaukee area originally, and it's in general pretty long-hair-on-men friendly. (Hello, it's the home of Harley-Davidson) Many of my male cousins have longer hair. Heck, alot of them still have mullets. I think I agree with the other posters- you work with a bunch of bullies, and if you cut your hair they will find something else to harass you with. It's not about the hair.

As for your family, families always know how to push your buttons. They're the ones who put those buttons there in the first place.

You must be getting pretty close to updating your license if you've gone from crew-cut to waist, WI had just switched to 8-year licenses around the time I moved away...

[earthdancer]

I think the best all-around suggestion is to get a different job as soon as possible, in a different town that isn't so provincial. Having grown up in a tiny blue-collar town, I can say that you will probably never change the men you're working with now, plus they have a long habit of persecuting you that has a lot of momentum behind it. You need a fresh start somewhere else.

We live in a small university town, and my 30-year-old son has had waist-length hair for about 10 years. The only problem I know about was a state trooper that liked to make people's lives miserable, but he's long gone. So, it is possible to find a place where your long hair won't be a problem. In fact, my son is quite a babe magnet, so as soon as you land in a new town, charm the girls and make sure everyone sees the ladies falling all over themselves for you! Um, just make sure they are single, first.

[Canarygirl]

maybe that is the best advice....get a different job in a new place. Blending together those two pearls of wisdom:

The best revenge is living well
The best revenge is fabulous hair (Ivana Trump, allegedly)

Do both things! Once you make it through to the other side, you will be happy, working and living in a place where you are accepted for who you are, AND having fabulous hair! ;)

[MadPirateBippy]

Ok, here is my take on it.

Sell your stuff. Ask a relative to store it for you. MOVE.

Texas's economy is growing quite nicely and IIRC, you're a musician- Austin is the live music capitol of the world. There's jobs for people who are willing to work. Send out resumes on CraigsList. It's about $250 to come down on Greyhound, you can usually find cheaper rides on Craigslist, and you can find jobs and places to live there as well.

Where you live is a craphole, and inertia will try to keep you there forever. Pick a place you want to live, sell your stuff, and LEAVE.

Also, go talk to a lawyer about what's going on. You might be able to get some settlement cash to help you move, or the jackass frat boys might get fired, which would surely teach them a lesson in Not Being Dicks.

[Fencai]

Im so terribly sorry that you're going through this ShadowWalker!
*HUGGLES*
Firstly, like everyone else has said, please dont cut your hair to please them. You hrew it for YOU. Keep it for YOU.

As far as their comments, you are one of the most masculine looking men that I have seen with hair like yours. (and being a fellow Metal head, and my DH does production work for metal bands who are recording, Ive seen my share of long haired men (at varying lengths) up close and personal.

Those guys making comments are tools. And sadly, you can't beat the "Good Ole' Boys Club". Ive worked in places like that, and grew up in a small town (so small its considered a "village".).

They will win unless you seriously pursue legal action.

And if you do that, do you really want to be there anyway?
It will save a lot of aggravation and money to try and find a new job.

If you do landscaping have you ever thought about applying to the National State Park system? That was one of the best jobs I ever had!

Best of wishes Dear!

[RavennaNight]

Even better, how are things going with your band? Seriously, you need a tour. To get outta where you are, at least for a while, see other places and maybe find a place that sings to you (no pun intended). I know it's easier said than done, but you've got your material out there and you have played some big shows. It's worth a shot!

[Shadow Walker]

Thanks everyone for all your support. I am indeed looking for another job, but it looks like moving is out of the question at least for now. The past couple of days have been pretty quiet at work, most of the guys have come in too hungover to mess with me, so it's been a nice relief. My scalp is already starting to feel better from not having my hair yanked.

[Eryka]

Speaking from personal experience, the only thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation. As annoying as it is, people have the right to be idiots. That doesn't mean, however, that we have to subject ourselves to it.

About 10 million years ago, I was engaged to a guy who was from Janesville, WI. Talk about a small town. While he didn't have long hair, he was apart of the metal scene, (although the lighter version.) We had more than a few conversations about the small-mindedness of people there and also how everyone wanted to nose in on your personal life. Privacy is considered rude in a lot of small towns, and I think your place is no exception.

Your situation is not easy, but it is simple. You need to leave and live the life you want. Suffering doesn't make you special, it just makes you miserable. You deserve better than that. What you can do is find a town you want to be in and then call around to the gardening/landscaping places. Ask if they're hiring and fax them a resume. You may just have a job waiting for you when you move. If Wisconsin pisses you off in general, move to another state. Right now I am living in California but after I get done with school and pay off some debt, I'm picking up and moving to South Carolina to go to junior college and then to University to get my PhD. The world is a big place, you don't have to be locked up in one corner of it.

Seriously, my heart goes out to you. Looking at all of this is scary as hell and daunting at times. Take comfort in the fact that millions of people have done it and are doing it. Everything is hard before it is easy. You're worth having the best out of life. Go get it.

[BranwenWolf]

ShadowWalker- I have the irresistable urge to step through the computer monitor and run my fingers through your hair- it's amazing, don't cut it!

I do agree that some areas are more hard-set than others about who should have long hair. I think Boulder, Colorado would be more welcome to it, and Ft Collins and Denver aren't that bad either. That's a bummer that you can't move soon.

I got sexually harassed at a work place and I'm afraid I don't have much of a solution. People are just terrible sometimes. Trying to press charges is basically saying "Hey! Fire me because I'm thinking for myself!"

This may be completely unrelated but you hair makes me think of Leland Chapman, Dog the Bounty Hunter's son. I can count off at least 2 dozen women locally (and probably thousands more across the country) that have a raging crush on the guy, and I think the hair is definitely part of it.

[WavyGirl]

Shadow Walker, you've got loads of good advice on this thread already. I just thought you might be interested in a good article (http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=9778&cn=353) about assertiveness versus agression and some tips and advice on how to set boundaries.

I can't help feeling that your passivity might influence the girls you meet. GoddesJourney makes a good point about the role your attitude plays. Getting a bit more assertive might get you a few more dates.

One last question: do you ever get to socialize with people who are interested in the same scene as you? It sounds like you are spending a lot of your time with people who have very different opinions from yours. I was into metal and the goth look when I was in my teens and most of my friends and acquaintances were still into boy bands. I coped better knowing that every so often I'd be able to go and chat about music and fashion with people who liked what I liked. Do you ever get a chance to do that anywhere but on the net? (Okay, that was 2 questions, sorry.)

[bte]

What you have had to put up with is totally unacceptable, and there must be action you can take in law, or in making official complaints.

Be strong - that way you will win.

[kmoc123]

My fiance has the same problem..He has beautiful salt & pepper hair and hasn't had a cut in 2 years. He was wearing it just down to work and to coach baseball and I showed him how to put it into a pony tail...mostly because of the heat here. I really like it in a pony tail, but he gets razzed every day at work, at baseball, by his grown kids, etc. But someone recently told him that they wished they had at least some hair. Life is too short to not be happy about yourself...if you love your hair, grow it out, care for it, and let the others wish they could have hair as beautiful as yours. It takes effort to grow hair! It is easy to lop it all off, anyone can do that!!!

[Butterflylady]

Your hair is really nice. You are a strong person for doing what you want and not following the crowd. And I have gay friends and typically they don't have long hair, all the men I know with long hair are hetro. A person has to be really strong to stand-out and do his own thing, you can respect yourself for that.

[myotislucifugus]

For what it is worth, don't cut it. It is knee-weakeningly gorgeous, and I would be proud to know a man with hair like that. It is really glorious, and just because a bunch of folks (apologies to your sibling) are too foolish to see that doesn't mean you should sacrifice.

I don't mean to beat a dead horse here, but I personally find nothing more attractive than a man that appreciates the sensuality of well cared for, long hair, and to hell with those that don't.

I hope you don't do anything that would lead to regrets, like caving to the whims of fools.

[Schmoomunitions]

Lets all go up to his work and pummel his co-workers and then steal Shadow-Walker away. During lunch break! LETS GO!

[Themyst]

Lets all go up to his work and pummel his co-workers and then steal Shadow-Walker away. During lunch break! LETS GO!

Exactly what I was thinking ... although my DH might take issue with my participation! His coworkers might just rethink the whole long-haired guy issue if a posse of women like ourselves swarmed in there and took care of business.:cool:

On the other hand, some people were just born to be jerks forever.

[Alun]

Shadow Walker,

I'm sorry you're having to go through this crap. It sounds like they're going to act like asses regardless of anything you do to change your appearance. I don't have any good suggestions, having been teased and harrassed as a young teen--until I dated a guy with an intimate knowledge of homemade explosives, but that's neither here nor there--but do offer my sympathies.

ROTFLMAO!

You didn't date my old mate Graham, did you! When we had been out to the pub and had a few drinks he would set off small explosions in his back garden, mixing up chemicals in a foil tray! I bet his neighbours loved him (not)! He rode a chop and also drove an old black London taxi cab with an aircraft ejector seat in it (non-working, of course), so, all in all, he was quite a character even though he had short hair. Then a girlfriend persuaded him to sell the old cab and buy a normal car instead, heaven knows why?

I digress.

Shadow Walker, have you tried playing up to your image? Tell them how much you enjoy biting bats heads off, etc.? Just a thought. If they think you're enough of a psycho they may leave you alone. Might be too late, though. If they think they can get away with it they may never stop.

[Dachsdragon]

Its not you who needs to change. I hope you stay wonderfully YOU :blossom:

[jahof45]

Shadow Walker you have beautiful hair and I hope you don't give in to the negative pressure. My DH and I have tons of male friends with long hair. We are a part of the biker/hippy crowd but none the less some have gorgeous hair and wear it to their waist. I don't know if any are harassed but when they ride they wear a long leather wrap to keep the wind from tying it up in knots and this wrap is very masculine appearing in my opinion. I'll have to see if I can find a link to a site that carries them. It might get them off your back at work.

You should be able to find these in the Harley Davidson shops but this is what I'm talking about: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=250377481320&category=105541&refid=store

ETA: custom leather stores can make this too.

[jahof45]

Wow, thanks for all the replies everyone.

I do try to stand up for myself and shoot back retorts, but it really does no good. I'm not a violent guy but I think perhaps threatening to be so might be the only way of getting my point across to those I work with. Either way, I've been trying to find a new job for awhile now, but the city where I live (about 85,000 people) has the highest unemployment in the state and work is hard to come by. As for my family, if my sister makes another comment then I'll tell her I simply won't go to her wedding then.

I really wish I could just move, this is not a good place for someone like me to live. Unfortunately I don't have the means to pack up and hit the road or else I probably would have.

Anyways, thanks everyone for the advice and comments.

We lived in Racine for a couple years but are in an older age bracket then you. It can be a rough narrow-minded town. I have to agree with the come back; "the chicks dig it" cuz it is Sooooo true! I think a guy with long hair is HOT, HOT, HOT!

[Chrissy]

Thanks everyone for all your support. I am indeed looking for another job, but it looks like moving is out of the question at least for now. The past couple of days have been pretty quiet at work, most of the guys have come in too hungover to mess with me, so it's been a nice relief. My scalp is already starting to feel better from not having my hair yanked.



I wish you the best!!! Did you try the USAJobs.gov site? If that doesn't interest you it's fine. I do wish you the best and hope you find something soon. I'm glad you are getting a break from the jerks. :)

[RavennaNight]

This may be completely unrelated but you hair makes me think of Leland Chapman, Dog the Bounty Hunter's son. I can count off at least 2 dozen women locally (and probably thousands more across the country) that have a raging crush on the guy, and I think the hair is definitely part of it.

:o :laugh: :hmm: Oh yeah! Now I remember why I watched that show...

[akilina]

That's horrible of them to say that. Try not to let it get you down. I think it looks great. It also looks healthy and smooth. They're only words and we are all far bigger and better than some silly words of rudeness. Men with long hair are awesome :0

[Locke]

Not sure if this will help but when I started to have mine long, I had quite a lot of disparaging comments from my friends. And for the next two years, everytime they would bring the issue, I kept saying the same exact thing to them : "So what, I like it that way."

It took two years, but now they accept it, and as one said recently : At first we didn't like it at all, but we came to see that it's part of him.

[rockstarmommy]

Tell them the carpet matches the drapes and offer to prove it haha.

[JamieLeigh]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with such childish people. It sucks that even your own family is being annoying to you, but maybe now that you've snapped on one of them, they'll understand that it bugs you. And if they care, they'll cut it out.

And something else: I have never seen a gay man with hair as long as yours, and I have at least 5 gay male friends, so I'm not really sure where all the jokes are coming from? It just goes to show how immature and ignorant those people are, and further cements that you should pay no attention to them. I really think you should tell everyone to tone it down, and see if that helps. If not, it will prove exactly who is the adult in this situation, and probably tell you who your real friends are.

Your hair is amazing, and it's awesome that you're confident enough to pull off that look. It would be such a shame to cut it, because there are very very few men out there with hair as long as yours who actually take care of it. :flower:

[missmandy]

Awww!!!! I'm so sorry you have to deal with that!!! People can be so mean sometimes! I love your hair in your sig, so I don't want you to cut it, but if you're really unhappy, you have to do what you think is best. I hope people are nicer to you in the future!!! :(

[AnneAdeline]

I don't really have any new advice to offer (seeing as there's 20 pages already), just encouragement. I hope that it works out for you.

p.s. Your hair is so amazing. Seriously. :thud:

[chelssix]

Your hair is beautiful! I agree, this is harassment, and it needs to stop.
And maybe for your sister's wedding, you could wear a nape bun? That sounds very classy.
Don't chop off your hair because of some insecure nay-sayers!

[GoddesJourney]

Tell them the carpet matches the drapes and offer to prove it haha.

That's awesome!

[mtstorm]

Maybe you could try predator braids? When I see them on guys it always makes them look extremely masculine.

[Beldaran]

My husband had hair to mid shoulder blade while we were dating, and he got picked on some for it, but not as badly as you I'd bet. I don't think many pulled/tugged his pony tail, not more than once I'd bet.

He did get a lower grade in a college class and he picked up the vibe from the professor that it was because of the hair. He once turned in an assignment that had the same answers as a classmate and he got less points for it. (They didn't copy, they compared notes afterward).

So, I hear ya, it really sucks and there isn't much you can do. Really I've been thinking more and more about printing up business cards and carrying them around to hand to people who are obnoxious like that.

They'd say: Due to your recent outstanding display of the fact that you lack both tact and empathy you are cordially invited to BITE ME!

By the time they read through it all I'd be long gone. Feel free to use them. :twisted:

[bugeyedmonster2]

And I can't even go out to buy a case of beer without getting snide comments from the guy at the counter who checks my ID (I have a buzzcut in my driver's license picture). It seems to happen every time and the other night was no exception, I ended up barking at him to just shut up and ring up my beer.

I love long hair on guys. :thud: (But of course, that's just me.)

And the next time the counter guy makes any bad comment about your hair, maybe you should turn around and leave.

I've worked retail for years, and any of my managers would have had a FIT if any worker made bad comments about any part of a customer's look, dress, outfit, what have you. Because that customer might walk out, never come back and SPEND MONEY.

And you never know why someone might be untidy. (Maybe the kids were home sick all day? They've been sick?) Some folks will be wearing stuff that doesn't fit (they need the next size up.) Maybe they've had a recent size increase and not enough money to get new things. Or they wear colors that they like but do not look good on them. (I will say that I love George Lopez describing that chubby cousin of his who was darker than him, but liked her to dye her hair platinium blond and wear halter tops. In her mind, she looked FINE.)

I would say that it's really not their place to say anything unless they have something nice to say. (The retail workers I mean.) I certainly wouldn't have said anything negative.

I will say that if I see a someone with long hair, I will try to compliment them. Or the time I saw the lady with what looked like Longlocks hairsticks.

Oh, and the counter guy at the beer joint, I definitely would have called the place at a later time and mentioned it to the manager. Besides, if he's saying something negative to every customer that walks up to the counter, people are going to stay away and that will hurt the business. And the owner might not know why or what's going on.

(^_^)/
BEM

[bugeyedmonster2]

I also think you need to move. Landscape gardening is not such a specialized job that ties you to a certain area. Landscape gardeners are needed everywhere.

Especially down here in Dallas, TX! Highland Park, University Park, those are two wealthy areas where I'm pretty sure very few folks do their own lawns. I've heard from a neighbor (whose teenaged boy went into landscaping) that landscapers do pretty good here in Dallas, or at least better than in her small town.

(^_^)/
BEM

[bugeyedmonster2]

Lets all go up to his work and pummel his co-workers and then steal Shadow-Walker away. During lunch break! LETS GO!

I'll go!

(^_^)/
BEM

[kwaniesiam]

Just chiming in with more support, your hair is amazing and I hope you don't end up being driven to cut it. For working outdoors, would it be possible to put it in some form of braided bun and cover it with a bandanna?

[naomimcc]

That's terrible. I would eventually snap. As a previous poster said "clear and unpleasant" words do need to be said.

BTW...:thud: to your hair!

[Saisaisayonara]

Your hair is amazing! Don't cut it because of them!

I love long hair on men, its very...hot :)

Viva la resistance!

[NickalNack]

I felt so enraged while reading your post... it reminds me of when my boyfriend was growing out his hair long for a year. It was something that he and I decided on together just for fun to see what it would look like. But, everyone in his family was always picking on him for it, EVEN though he received countless compliments on his hair at school from girls (including me). He eventually cut it, supposedly because he didn't like it anymore, but I think it was because the comments got to him. It didn't look bad I guess, but it definitely looked better at the length it was before... if my hair grew as fast as his it'd be down to my mid back by now. :/

[Kiraela]

I'm sorry you're getting so much trouble. I don't know what to say except that you know what you like, and why you do the things you do - Don't let others make judgements for you.

[drquartz1970]

I personally don't know any gays with long hair all the ones I know have VERY SHORT hair.
Your more of a real man for having the guts to be what you want to be then they ever will be. Your work "mates" are probably poorly educated, and drown their brains with too much alcohol in their boring leisure time.
Ever thought about relocating away from Hicksville?
These ignorant idiots are still carrying on repeating the same old comments like a worn and cracked scratch LP record.
If it were me I'd keep working in the same job until I had another guaranteed one lined up somewhere else a LOT MORE TOLERANT AND LONG HAIR FRIENDLY.
Or else threaten some legal action on the harassment and NOT give in. I know it's difficult to leave a place where you may have lived most of your life, (if that is the case) or you live in your own home and not renting.
PLEASE DO NOT GIVE THEM THE SATISFACTION of caving in to peer pressure.
I am amazed by the sheer pettiness of how conservative some sections of US society is. Just don't hear anything like this happening in Australia. People here are a lot more laid back and tolerant.

[Aunteater]

I'll third the leather-ponytail-wrap suggestion. It's at least less tempting to pull on, and looks tidy if you do as the first person suggested and braid your hair, fold it over, and then snap/tie the wrap over it.

As others have already said: Your hair is not the problem, it's just the current focus. And cutting it off won't solve the problem. Sounds like a nasty workplace environment. Best of luck with the job search!

For the record: long, well-maintained hair + facial hair, on guys = very attractive. I have always associated long hair on men with warrior cultures (eg Vikings, ancient Chinese, Native American plains tribes...).

[Gilly]

I am amazed by the sheer pettiness of how conservative some sections of US society is. Just don't hear anything like this happening in Australia. People here are a lot more laid back and tolerant.

There you go Shadow, problem solved!!
Just move to Australia!!!!:cheese:
Seriously though, don't let them get to you, it's your hair and you can damn well do what you want with it!

[30isthenewblack]

There you go Shadow, problem solved!!
Just move to Australia!!!!:cheese:
Seriously though, don't let them get to you, it's your hair and you can damn well do what you want with it!

Yep, just come to Australia hehe. Seriously though, at 25 years of age, I think you're still at an age where other people's comments bother you. In your 30s, you will be able to shake off those comments a lot easier. Seriously, who cares what other people think? It's your hair. I could care less what people thought about my naturally curly hair and if they say anything, I put them in their place pretty quickly. They say these things because it obviously bothers you.

[hellkitty]

Unless your hair is unsanitary or dangerous, it's really none of their business. I mean, if you worked in a sandwich shop and refused to wear a hairnet, that would be a problem. But in landscaping? A couple of the guys who do my yard (no one mows their own lawn out here) have long hair--not as long as yours, but still, long enough to ponytail--and not only do they not get any guff from anyone else, when the weather's hot and they take off their shirts, the young lady population of my neighborhood somehow discovers it needs to take a long slow walk by my yard.

Whenever people have said outrageous things to me, I've found that the two most useful things I can say are: "I can't believe you just said such a (sexist, racist, ignorant, homophobic, unloving, etc) thing!" And "Who, exactly, is getting hurt by this?" Your decision to have long hair hurts NO ONE. It's not like you're doing drugs or beating your dog or drunk-driving.

My mom gave me a lot of nonsense about how I dressed in college. It never really got better--she insisted that *she* was hurt by my choice to dress semi-goth. Right. But after a loooong time of just refusing to engage with her nitpicking--"Mom, we are not having this same discussion we've already had a thousand times *AGAIN*", she eventually stopped bringing it up. She still complains to her friends about various things, but she learned after a while that she was not going to get my goat, so there was nothing in it for her. The trick is NOT to get upset about it--or at least, not to SHOW that you're upset.

Some people will pick on any difference between them and anyone else. Sometimes they have a terror of any sort of nonconformity, but sometimes, some people just like to make other people upset. The last thing you should do--for your own sake--is to give their bad energy any power over you. I know it's easier to say than to do, but if you're dealing with people who just seem to like making you upset, you're never going to 'convince' them, because they're not doing it to convince you (to cut your hair) they're doing it to a) see if they can control you to do what THEY want and b) enjoy watching you be upset.

We're all here for you!

HK

[paintedmuse]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
It's a shame that people like that even exist. I mean, please. Aren't there much more important things to worry about than someone's hair? It's pathetic.
And so mean. You shouldn't even waste your time with people like that. It really made me angry to read how they treat you. You deserve better. Please move somewhere else. You can. Maybe not right now, but soon.
If you stay there, you will take damage. Like you said in your first post, it's making you an angry person, which you aren't- and if this goes on, you will end up beeing unhappy and resentful. Don't do this to yourself. Try to be happy somewhere else. Life really is too short for something like this. You're young and you can do anything. It's up to you to decide what sort of life it is you have ahead of you.
Your family isn't behaving the right way either. Try to tell them how annoying and hurtful their behaviour is. The should accept and love you the way you are.
As to your hair, it is very beautiful. I've got hair envy ;)
And as far as I can tell, you look both great and interesting. I'd bet you attract plenty of women.

[Cherry_Sprinkle]

They're jealous; chicks dig long hair.

Agreed!! You have beautiful hair, don't let someone else pressure you into what they feel is 'the norm'!

[Babyfine]

Hi! I haven't had time to read through all the posts-
Just wanted to say I'm sorry you're getting such grief.
I personally love long hair on guys-when I was in high school long hair on
guys was much more common.
My younger brother had beautiful long 3a hair to the middle of his back when he was young-he played in a rock band nights so no one gave him any trouble. guess he was in a non-tradional job so no one commented.
Plus He's 6'5 and 250 lbs. Sadly, he's cut it short now as he's thinning quite a bit-
Your hair is awesome so grow it and flaunt it!

[MuzicalH3rb]

I say don't give in and stick it out. While most guys are dealing with baldness, you are lucky enough to have a BEAUTIFUL head of hair. As for the tugging on it, I would definitely say something along the lines of "Don't touch me...." after all, that is invading your space and is inappropriate at work. I can't imagine what it's like to be in your shoes, but what I will say is I, totally dig your hair. If you like it keep it for you. (This is a classic example of people who are too worried about someone elses life. Apparently, they can't worry about themselves.) I really hope things ease up for you! *Sending good positive vibes your way*

[abritta3]

Your hair is gorgeous, really. Do NOT cut your hair. You have taken such great care of that hair and you deserve to keep it. Just blow those people off...whether they're jealous or just being cruel it doesn't matter, it's your hair!
The main objective you should have, however, is to be happy. If you feel you would be happier with shorter hair then cut it. Just think about it for a while ;) No rash decisions!
Also, you have better hair than most girls I know. I bet the guys are jealous because girls dig long hair ;)

[NamedForTheMoon]

Hey Shadow Walker. :)

I know what it's like to live in a small town full of narrow-minded people. When I went to school I was one of the social outcasts, and was harassed by the dumb jock guys, too. And I'm a girl! I wasn't harrassed about my hair, though. I was harassed because I have pale skin and very hairy arms and body hair. I was constantly called a gorilla or sasquatch and it always bothered me, and I never knew how to respond to the taunts, other than to try and ignore it. Now I'm grown up and I don't give a damn what other people think of how I look, I do what pleases me, and if that means shaving or running around with furry legs, then so be it.

I really don't think you should ignore your problem, however. You said that your supervisor is one of the guys who harrasses you at this family-owned business. Maybe he's the owner's son or brother, or whatever relation, but I bet that the owner of the business would be appalled if he knew how these other men (supervisor included) were treating you. I would definitely write down the dates and things that were happening and make a case, and go to the owner and tell him what's going on. And like someone else, document his reaction, because if it follows suit, you could have a harrassment lawsuit in your favor.

As far as the guy at the convenience store is concerned, you definitely need to talk to his manager face to face, and let him know that you're not happy with how his employee has behaved. Something like, "Do you know that this is how your clerk is treating people? Do you condone that sort of behavior? I like your store, but you're about to lose my business" will probably be enough to get the clerk into trouble or maybe even fired.

For your family, I would talk to the ones who matter most to you. Let them know that if they're not going to accept you the way you are, then you don't need to be around them! (If you can manage to do that... I know it's hard to just leave family behind.) The same thing goes with your sister and her wedding. Suggest to her that if your hair isn't welcome at her wedding, you won't be there, either, because you're quite attached to your hair.

Please, please, don't cut your hair because other people are pressuring you to do so. Most of the time they're just jealous (maybe your hair is prettier than your sister's) and are scared of anything that appears different.

Also, you shouldn't have to change your blunt haircut to a V, or shave off your facial hair, or part your hair differently, or wear side braids or whatever. You wear your hair the way that makes YOU happiest, not because others think it might make you more attractive to others. Since when have LHCers conformed even in the slightest to fit society's standards? Remember the phrase "I am not here to decorate your world."

[Pixna]

Now I'm grown up and I don't give a damn what other people think of how I look, I do what pleases me, and if that means shaving or running around with furry legs, then so be it.

That cracked me up ("furry legs")! :laugh:

[BittSweetCherry]

That cracked me up ("furry legs")! :laugh:
I have furry legs, and I'm quite proud of them (and yes, I call them that!) So long as you're not wearing hotpants all the time, nobody really notices.

It's just another thing that society holds preconceived ideas about; I'm yet to hear an objector come up with one good reason for why I should shave/wax.

[Pixna]

I have furry legs, and I'm quite proud of them (and yes, I call them that!) So long as you're not wearing hotpants all the time, nobody really notices.

It's just another thing that society holds preconceived ideas about; I'm yet to hear an objector come up with one good reason for why I should shave/wax.

I haven't shaved my legs for the past 35 years or so -- so I guess you could say I'm one of the furry ones, too. My leg hair is fairly light in color, so it's not really noticeable unless I'm standing in direct light and someone is inspecting my shins (luckily, this combination doesn't happen too frequently!). I have occasionally thought about shaving them -- not for any societal reasons but simply because I do miss that sleek, just-after-shaving smoothness. But then I'd have to deal with stubble as it grows out again, or continue shaving, neither of which is very appealing. :brains:

[irreverent]

First of all, let me say :eyebrows: a guy with beautiful long hair that's into metal?! Right on, where do i sign up? (Well maybe a few years and a husband ago... :D )
Second, If they don't respond to the Tesla song like Chrissy posted...well there's always:

She asks me why
I'm just a hairy guy
I'm hairy noon and night
Hair that's a fright
I'm hairy high and low
Don't ask me why
Don't know
It's not for lack of bread
Like the Grateful Dead
Darling

Gimme head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen

Give me down to there hair
Shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There ain't no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder
Of my...

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy
Shining, gleaming, streaming
Flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted
Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!

Oh say can you see
My eyes if you can
Then my hair's too short

Down to here
Down to there
Down to where
It stops by itself

They'll be ga ga at the go go
When they see me in my toga
My toga made of blond
Brilliantined
Biblical hair

My hair like Jesus wore it
Hallelujah I adore it
Hallelujah Mary loved her son
Why don't my mother love me?

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

:cheese::cheese::cheese:

[swanns]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, it's really none of their business is it? And this seems particularly weird to me seeming as where I come from I would say at least 5th of the men you see on the streets have hair past their chin.

Also I never quite figured out why long hair = gay. Don't like 99% of gay guys have short hair? :confused:

[Áine]

Everyone has already said it, but your workplace is quite a hostile environment, and you don't deserve to be subjected to it. Pity that you have to be on constant alert for it every single day. I'm glad you are starting to stand up to your family. And as always, developing a strong character is a work in progress. Do not alter yourself to suit somebody else. Ever. It never works out the way it was intended.

I must say, every time you update your signature picture, I continue to be dazzled by your healthy locks. The VAST majority of people in the general population do not have hair that looks half that good.

[Naava]

Also I never quite figured out why long hair = gay. Don't like 99% of gay guys have short hair? :confused:

That's what I just talked about with my DH. We both know a fair amount of gay men, but none of them have long hair...

[Arriens]

I know this is a very big bump, but Shadow Walker. How are things now?
I am curious to your solution to this and I think I am not the only one.

So tell us.

[IStand4u]

They're jealous; chicks dig long hair.
I agree with that too!
I used to work at a gas station (well Subway on the other side of it) and one of the gas station workers was a First Nations (trying to be politically correct) and he has waist length hair! He gets teased about it alot and was going to cut it until I was like "hey, (his name) I've never seen you're hair braided! You going to braid it for me anytime soon?" Well the next time I worked he left his hat at home and braided his hair, came to work with a smile on his face and we exchanged numbers. He's one of my best guy friends and if we need hair advice we ask each other. I'm really sorry you are going through this, please don't cut you're long hair! It's beautiful!

The people you work with want a reaction from you, a bad one at that, so try not to give them one. Braid you're hair and pull out that it's apart of you're background, do some research if you have to to use that excuse.

Best of luck! And please don't give into their childish remarks, if they knew what maturity was then this wouldn't be happening, but unfortunately some people just don't mature... :shrug: you are more of an adult if you do what you believe will make you happy... if you want long hair keep it! File a harassment report, talk to you're family saying that it is really annoying and hurts that they bug you so much... just explain yourself and if they don't believe you get a little firmer about it. Be happy, what goes around comes around (for them), so they will get what's coming... :)

[maxzeen]

hmm..well I must say that they are the one's being childish. I would not give in so easily like that. I know it can be frustrating. I would also file a harassment claim of some sort, especially if they are yanking your hair. They should learn to keep their hands to themselves. But honestly, don't let it show that its getting to you because that will just influence them more to do it. Hey and if you can, say something witty back at them, maybe that will make them shut it :D

[Medievalmaniac]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! It really sucks. But there are a few things you can do to help make it a little easier on yourself.

First - the work situation. If you have asked people to stop harrassing you, and they continue to do so, then you have grounds for a formal complaint. If they are making comments about your sexuality and you have asked them to stop - guess what? Gay or not, you have grounds for a sexual harrassment lawsuit if you have specifically told them not to tease you about it and they continue so to do. Document every occasion on which this is said to you and your reaction. Take it to your boss and demand (nicely) that it be addressed - and make sure someone else is in the room with you as a witness!!!!!! VERY IMPORTANT - you do not want a "he said-he said" situation at this point). This can be anyone you trust. If your boss then makes any sort of derogatory comment ("Well, what do you expect if you wearyour hair long" etc. etc. etc. - inform him that you expect him to cease such comments immediately and to insist your coworkers respect your rights, or you will file a lawsuit. If he says anything else after that point other than, "I will handle this, thank you for bringing it to my attention" or some other variation of that, then go to a lawyer and make good on your promise. Your boss does NOT want or need a sexual harrassment lawsuit on his hands right now, and I'm betting he doesn't think you have a case - but thankfully, at this point whether you are gay or not is irrelevant, they are making snide comments about your sexuality and harassing you with it and whether you are or are not gay, you do have a legal right not to be sexually harrassed no matter where you are now.

In terms of people grabbing your hair - this is physical assault, especially if you have specifically told them not to touch your hair. Wear it in a ponytail/braid/bunned at work, and if anyone touches it without your permission tell him/her you do not want your hair touched, it is not in their way, their touching it is therefore not an accident, and you will report them for physical harrassment. If the behavior continues - report it. Your boss has a legal obligation to do something about it. If he doesn't - go to a lawyer.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO WORK IN A SAFE ENVIRONMENT, and all of the behaviors you are speaking of are making it unsafe for you. You have a legal right to wear your hair as you see fit and to not have your colleagues harrass you physically or emotionally in this fashion. Don't put up with it!! Read the harrassment charts that MUST, by law, be posted in every workplace in America, and make sure they are being followed.

The beauty of all of this is, if you follow procedure and document everything, they can't legally fire you for it, and- get a lawyer. Many good lawyers will take a case like this - with excellent documentation - and not charge you unless you win the case. If it's as blatant as you say, and you take the appropriate steps to handle it, and your boss and colleagues continue to treat you this way, then you definitely have a very winnable case.

I hope this helps you feel a little empowered, if nothing else. Sorry for your hurt. :o(

[Jezerellica]

You hair in sig pic is so beautiful/handsome and VERY well kept. I am thinking the jealous thing is playing into it. I can offer nothing but sympathy. People are just mean sometimes. I'm sorry they have chosen you! I admire your strength to be who you want to be regardless of the accepted norm.

You are in my birthplace for petes sake!! People should have a little respect. Good luck with this issue.

[GlassEyes]

That's what I just talked about with my DH. We both know a fair amount of gay men, but none of them have long hair...
*grumble* Pretty much, yeah.

I know one other gay guy who has long hair, and I didn't know he was gay until about a week ago. :p So he's the only other exception I know of (besides me, of course).

[Shadow Walker]

I know this is a very big bump, but Shadow Walker. How are things now?
I am curious to your solution to this and I think I am not the only one.

So tell us.

Things have been going really well, there haven't been any incidents for quite some time now, so I'm really happy. :)
Work gets done for the year next week (I work seasonal), so even if there was still drama I wouldn't have to put up with it for long. I wonder what everyone is going to say next spring when I come walking in with almost tailbone length hair! :p

[LittleOrca]

Things have been going really well, there haven't been any incidents for quite some time now, so I'm really happy. :)
Work gets done for the year next week (I work seasonal), so even if there was still drama I wouldn't have to put up with it for long. I wonder what everyone is going to say next spring when I come walking in with almost tailbone length hair! :p

They had better be jealous. :D

[Little_Bird]

Look here my friend: you've got amazing hair, to die for. I can feel so many jealousy in the people that harras you for your hair.
Please always have this in mind: if you cut your hair, you will be just agreeing to what they have been done to you, making them win and give them what they want. This to me, would be horrible, because they are the one's who are wrong. You have the right to wear your hair in pigtails if you want, just as a women has the right to wear trousers. We're just many steps ahead of all the guys who still have such a tiny vision of what masculinity can be.

Just be true to yourself. You say in your stats you want terminal lenght hair. Your terminal lenght is so far away still... and your hair is really wonderfull. Anyways, it's not just the hair.

I can think of all the rude things you can reply to these horrid people, I mean, if a barman treats you badly, just don't go there anymore, it's their loss of a client. You seem to have a lot of bad formed people in your life, I really suggest trying to talk them down or simply cut relationships. If they are not willing to take you for who you are, which is so much more than your hair, they are just not worth it...

Stupid rotten society... makes me so embarrased to be in it...

Please don't cut your hair. What I feel is pure jealousy of your perfect hair...

I wish you luck and strenght, you CAN fight this back

I hate people :poot:

[halo_tightens]

I can't help myself, I gotta say it---

You have one of the sexiest heads of hair I've ever seen in my life. It suits you so perfectly. I genuinely can't wrap my mind around anyone thinking badly of you for it in any possible way.

There will always be idiots, I guess... But dude. Your hair. Wow. Swoon-worthy.

[RancheroTheBee]

Things have been going really well, there haven't been any incidents for quite some time now, so I'm really happy. :)
Work gets done for the year next week (I work seasonal), so even if there was still drama I wouldn't have to put up with it for long. I wonder what everyone is going to say next spring when I come walking in with almost tailbone length hair! :p

Well, I know we're all going to die of jealousy. Your hair is nice enough! Lend some to me. :eek:

[Chrissy]

Things have been going really well, there haven't been any incidents for quite some time now, so I'm really happy. :)
Work gets done for the year next week (I work seasonal), so even if there was still drama I wouldn't have to put up with it for long. I wonder what everyone is going to say next spring when I come walking in with almost tailbone length hair! :p



I was surprised to see this thread resurrected but I am glad things are good for you. It will be fun to see people's reactions when you come back. Hopefully they will be so used to it they won't even blink. Enjoy your time off/away.

[friskybiznus]

I'm slowly learning that you can't change other people, you can only change how you react to them. Sometimes that's easier said than done.

This is soooo true. It would be a shame to see you cut your hair. It is amazing. And by cutting it, who wins?

[kmangus]

Shadow Walker please dont cut your hair! It is amazing! Who cares what those people think. IMHO, if you cut your hair you will be giving them what they want, which is retarded because you werent put here on this earth to be a slave to other peoples wishes. I cant begin to understand how you feel because i am not a male with long hair, but just know that i am here to support you. :) Please cheer up?

[Shadow Walker]

Shadow Walker please dont cut your hair! It is amazing! Who cares what those people think. IMHO, if you cut your hair you will be giving them what they want, which is retarded because you werent put here on this earth to be a slave to other peoples wishes. I cant begin to understand how you feel because i am not a male with long hair, but just know that i am here to support you. :) Please cheer up?

Everything is fine now, this thread is from a few months ago. :)

[Elenna]

Glad to read your last post Shadow Walker.

Your hair is awesome.

[RavennaNight]

:lol:

:brains: As we approach Halloween at LHC, threads rise from the dead :brains:

[Vijikanth]

Hi, I have shoulder length hair. My co workers and friends used to press me on having a haircut and they insisted that short hair suited me well. My coworkers even said they would collect money and donate for my haircut. That was for fun. But i had to face a lot of harassment from my friends too. But I clearly & politely told them how important my hair was to me and i knew what I'm up to. One thing is, growing long hair gave me more patience and humbleness. It taught me to be more confident.

[LittleOrca]

:brains: As we approach Halloween at LHC, threads rise from the dead :brains:

:rollin:

Strange how they just pop up again, no?

[Heidi_234]

Shadow Walker, I think you should edit your first post and write in bold that it's been months ago since it was actual, and things changed now, and thank you for your concern.

[bjt]

Everything is fine now, this thread is from a few months ago. :)
but its nice to see this thread pop back up just to have another excuse to look at your beautiful hair!

[GlassEyes]

Shadow Walker, I think you should edit your first post and write in bold that it's been months ago since it was actual, and things changed now, and thank you for your concern.
Well, he could, though it isn't his fault this thread came back from the dead. Maybe a mod could close it, or something. Or we could, in opposition to my posting, let it die. XD; And, you know, stop necro'ing it. xD;

[RavennaNight]

Well, he could, though it isn't his fault this thread came back from the dead. Maybe a mod could close it, or something. Or we could, in opposition to my posting, let it die. XD; And, you know, stop necro'ing it. xD;

:rollin: And I am not helping the situation by quoting you.