Hair advice?

[Fractalsofhair]

I'm having a family 16th birthday party in a few weeks. I have some nice non heat damaged hair growth, and my aunt freaks out if my hair isn't bone straight. I really don't want to blowdry my hair and deal with it getting all damaged again. At this point in time, I'm not ready to try to stand up to her comments so I just want to avoid trying to explain to her I like my hair and such. Plus, my hair looks shiny right now, not all fried and gross! Does anyone know any hairstyles that hide a very very very slight wave? I have maybe collarbone/shoulder length hair(tops of shoulders.), and I have 2 hairsticks and tons of scrunchies. Buns seem to work tolerable, but I need something with a little more style. Oh, I also have a weird sore thing on my scalp from dry skin(I've talked with a derm, she just said use conditioner...), that I usually get in the winter. Does anyone who's had those have any advice? Hot oil treatments work ok, but I have to do them frequently. Thanks!

[kam984420]

I'm having a family 16th birthday party in a few weeks. I have some nice non heat damaged hair growth, and my aunt freaks out if my hair isn't bone straight. I really don't want to blowdry my hair and deal with it getting all damaged again. At this point in time, I'm not ready to try to stand up to her comments so I just want to avoid trying to explain to her I like my hair and such. Plus, my hair looks shiny right now, not all fried and gross! Does anyone know any hairstyles that hide a very very very slight wave? I have maybe collarbone/shoulder length hair(tops of shoulders.), and I have 2 hairsticks and tons of scrunchies. Buns seem to work tolerable, but I need something with a little more style. Oh, I also have a weird sore thing on my scalp from dry skin(I've talked with a derm, she just said use conditioner...), that I usually get in the winter. Does anyone who's had those have any advice? Hot oil treatments work ok, but I have to do them frequently. Thanks!

I wouldn't worry about a slight wave. I wouldn't think that would be any big deal. If your aunt is hounding you about your hair, just stand up to her and tell her to leave you alone. Your hair isn't any worry of hers. You shouldn't have to explain anything to her.

[Flynn]

Fractals, meet Rach, and her guilt-free straightening method (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=22459&highlight=straighten+heat). She goes from fairly wavy to quite straight (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showpost.php?p=514997&postcount=17). Why not give this method a shot sometime before the party and see whether it can't take you to a degree of straightness acceptable to your aunt. ^__^

[Fractalsofhair]

I have a very slight wave and she continually gets me hair straighteners and blowdriers and has had me wet my hair in the sink so she can demonstrate them. It's a weird quirk of hers, and I love her dearly, but she has a very odd idea of curly hair. She herself naturally has very curly hair(Affectionately called by my uncle a "Jewfro" (We're all Jewish by descent, so it's not in an insulting way.)), and well, she fries it till it's bone straight and looks like she's balding! Even my mother, who has gorgeous curls, pulls her hair back wet to straighten it a bit to avoid this reaction. I love my aunt, she's a wonderful person, but this is just a weird quirk about her and that's why I'm curious as to if there are any styles that can minimize a very very very slight wave and still look dressy. It's not even so much naturally straight hair with a slight wave, but the bone straight look she likes. It's more it's my birthday party with my family and I don't want to spend it with her lecturing about how I need to straighten my hair. She just worries that I'll get made fun of for having odd looking hair or some such thing, and tries to help. She also thinks it makes one's hair healthier... I know otherwise, but this is a case where I know it's a lost cause to try to convince her otherwise.

[MotherConfessor]

Love you auntie, but I'm not here to decorate your world.

Or you could be good and just say that you like your hair this way.

If you're dead set on strait you could try wrapping it around your head... I know there's a method about that somewhere around here... also on youtube...

[Fractalsofhair]

Ah, thanks Flynn! I'll try it out.

[Flynn]

Ah, thanks Flynn! I'll try it out.

Hope it works for you! ^__^

[spidermom]

Can you do a french twist? I think there are instructions in our Articles section, and there are some tutorials on YouTube.

[MotherConfessor]

By the way, when you say freak out, do you actually mean freak out? Like yelling or something? Because really, anything more than "Darn, I think you look really nice when your hair is straight." Is really overstepping her boundaries.

Every family dynamic is different, and I certainly dont know the whole of what is going on, it just seems that you should not have to worry about a family member freaking out over your hair.

[MotherConfessor]

Hey thats a good idea. She cant complain if its in an updo, right?

[Flynn]

By the way, when you say freak out, do you actually mean freak out? Like yelling or something? Because really, anything more than "Darn, I think you look really nice when your hair is straight." Is really overstepping her boundaries.

Every family dynamic is different, and I certainly dont know the whole of what is going on, it just seems that you should not have to worry about a family member freaking out over your hair.


Well, Fractals did say the auntie has made her wet her hair in the sink so the auntie can straighten it for her, so I think this is definitley a case of serious boundary overstepping, but she also said she doesn't want to confront her at this stage, so hey.

[MotherConfessor]

Ahh, now I see. Well, I hope the hair straightening method works for you!

[Flynn]

And/or the french twist, like Spidermom suggested! They can look really smooth and straight, and very classy!

[Fractalsofhair]

Mother_confessor, I've tried to convince her many times of all the possible reasons I don't like to straighten my hair all that often. I love her a lot, and it's just it doesn't work. I like having pleasant visits with relatives, and I don't want to wreak my hair to do so. Though I would if it is the only option available, and I have in the past. I have hair that nearly anyone would call straight, but it's a very odd thing about her. I think it's part of her trying to care for me, since she views me almost as a daughter. I'm going to try the wrapping method, if not I'm going to try to look for a style that hides waves along with that. I've gotten better and ignore most comments about not flatironing my hair, but since it is a birthday celebration and not just an informal get together, I just want it to be an enjoyable time!

My family is very close, and she has spend probably 500 dollars on various hot items for my hair over the last few years, without my asking, and my requesting for her to not get any more, so it's tricky to say no if she wants to try out the latest $100 iron.

I have tried confrontation, and it just doesn't work. She is a very stubborn woman, which is a wonderful trait, it's just annoying in this situation. She tends to think I'm insulting her and her hair if I say well, it thins my hair. I think she knows it's really bad for her hair, but just hates to admit it. My uncle tells her a lot about how bad for the hair it is, and how he likes her hair when she doesn't straighten it, so she isn't happy about that bit. I just enjoy having nice visits with family, and well, for special occasions I just don't like them to turn into arguements about hair! I doubt she'll complain if it's in an updo that hides the waves. If it's in an updo that shows the waves, then she would probably complain.

Upon occasion she has freaked out and started crying, usually she just insists I straighten my hair and we take out a blowdry or flat iron to make her happy. I know she sounds like a crazy biotch, but she's really not. She's a wonderful person, just this is the one area where she's a little... odd to say the least! She really is a wonderful, kind and caring aunt, just this is the one issue where she gets rude/pushy/annoying.

Cool, I will try the french twist!

[Flynn]

I really admire your patience. In the face of that, I would have screamed something along the lines of "what on earth is wrong with you" and left. (I've done that before... when I was about 14 one of my uncles was going through this arse-pinching thing. After dad wouldn't talk to him and get him to stop, I screamed at him, called him a filthy pervert among other things, and walked to a friend's house in the next suburb. We still get on fine.)

[Fractalsofhair]

Oh goodness! That's awkward to say the least! I love my family, and we all have our own odd quirks. It's possibly the only annoying thing about my aunt, who is a very kind and dear person. I'm certain we all have traits that people find annoying, and that we try to discourage our family from doing. I mean, if a family member didn't brush their teeth at all, I could see why someone might get them a toothbrush. It's a similar type thing for her I think. A lot of people in our family have confronted her about it, but since we don't see her on a daily or usually weekly basis even, most of us just try to make her happy. With most people, I don't really care what they think,but if it's a simple fix to prevent us from having family discord, with relatives I don't see all that often lately, I'll do it.

[MotherConfessor]

I must say I feel rather bad for your aunt. It must be frustrating for her. You were right (yep, this is why you never make snap judgements), there is no reason to upset her unnecessarily. I say go for the updo. Best of both worlds.

[Roseate]

I've been really enjoying this new updo (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=25145), which looks a little fancy, is easy to do and could be done with your length. If you put your hair up while it is still damp you probably won't be able to see any waves at all while it is up.

Happy Birthday!

[Heavenly Locks]

If you decide to blow dry/iron straight once in a while is ok :) ;)

I am all for finding a pretty up do and making sure your loving auntie knows how much healthy hair is important to you.

[brok3nwings]

I would try the straightening method or an updo. If you have to have it completly straight...i would choose the blowdrier instead of a flatiron ... because of the heat temperature. I can also say that what you are doing is such a love demonstration for your aunt, really, but she has to stop, one day. But i agree that this is your birthday comemoration so make all you can to have fun! :)
But i have to say, i personally dont have pacience at all with this kind of situation. The other day a friend told me to change my hair style. Didnt like it. My family is half traditional/non tradicional (my mother is an artist) so i have her protection. She just loooveeeess all the non conventional things i might do like growing my hair LONG :)

[Longlocks3]

Maybe she(auntie) had some really hurtful teasing when she was younger and just wants to spare you from that? It sounds like she really cares about you. That being said, eventually she may take it too far. What if she tried to chemical relax/straighten your hair? Would you let her just to make her happy? Hopfully the answer is no, because it wouldn't make you happy. Not to start an argument about feminist thought but there have been sociologically studies done about how young girls are taught to make others happy by forgoing their own happiness. I'd say if you'll be happy with an updo at the party, put it up. But one day you probably will have to confront her about this and then you need to tell her what way you want your hair to look. I know it's just hair and it seems like a minor issue but we would all be mad if it was that she didn't want you to weigh more than a certain amount, but it's essentially the same thing. Sometimes love is misguided.

[Fractalsofhair]

Mother_Confessor, thanks! Yeah, the updo is looking like the best option. I love my aunt, but seeing her upset isn't fun. I also like keeping my hair as damage free as possible, since I am trying to grow out damage and get long healthy hair!

Thanks Roseate, I'll be trying out the updo styles over the next few days!

Heavenly locks, I have very very very fine easily damaged hair. Basically my hair is breaking off in chunks due to "occasional" blow drying and one very mild bleaching. For most people, you are correct, but my hair is well... delicate! My aunt seems to think heat styling is good for the hair, but I think she knows deep down it's not.

Barbara, if none of the updos work, it's good to know the blowdrier is less damaging! My family is very non conventional, mostly earth loving hippie type people. That being said, we all have weird quirks, and well... That's my aunt's! I was actually raised Wiccan to some degree(Wiccan/Buddhist, but my family is Jewish. Complicated! Oh and my family was neighbors with evangelical Christians, and my greatgrand parents on my mum's mum's side were atheist. In the mid 1800s to late 1800s!), and my family is very liberal and accepting. My friends are much the same way, but I don't really care if they don't like something natural about me. In general, I ignore rude comments about my apperance, and I'm lucky to have a supportive family!

Long locks, I'm not sure if she was teased. She's very accepting of most other choices, and she is a staunch feminist. She just has this weird quirk about hair on people's heads. In general, I ignore what other people think, and normally I can deal with her freaking out, it's just I don't want to damage my hair or have to deal with her trying to "fix" my hair at a party. It's one thing when we go to resturants or shopping, then it's just a constant lecture, but it's not pleasant to deal with at my house. I wouldn't let her chemically straighten my hair, luckily she is againist that, but I do try to not upset my relatives too much. If there's something I can do once in a while and that doesn't change my body for a long amount of time, that's not harmful to my hair to keep my family happy, I'd love to do that! I'd rather damage my hair than have only horrid memories of my wonderful aunt, due to her weird quirk. Her family is also very accepting, natural and caring. I'm not sure why she's this way.

My family is very accepting and caring in general, but my aunt is weird in that manner. My grandfather(Unrelated to my aunt) is weird about my uncles not wearing cologne, and does the same thing with getting them it and encouraging them to wear it. It's not so much a gender thing as what people are conditioned to think is best/healthy. She acts the same way to male relatives!(Including my uncle, her husband. He doesn't mind it too much, except he does miss having longer hair.) Overall, my aunt is a very wonderful supportive kind accepting person. We've tried confrontation many times, and it doesn't work. I hate seeing her upset, and so does the rest of the family. My family is very accepting of my personal choices, such as to not shave and such, including my aunt. She worries about me in a maternal way, and she just is weird about this one. I'm sure most people who don't shave have relatives that freak out and always offer to pay for waxing or some such thing, and as a result most people don't wear camis around those relatives! She really is a wonderful person, she's just very weird and rude about this one thing, and this one thing only.