Another strangers touching hair without permission rant

[kwaniesiam]

Yesterday I was at a metal concert (Amon Amarth, and it was AWESOME btw :D ) and I had my hair in french pigtails to avoid it getting tangled and messy. I was there with DBF and a few friends. My one female friend K was being silly and gently tugging on them. I told her to stop and she did, or so I thought. Then later during the show I felt a hard yank on both of them :steam I turned around to tell her to stop, but I saw a guy smirking at me as he reached for my hair again. Annoyed and angry, I pointed to him and DBF ended up tossing the guy to the ground and giving him a good kick. We were near a mosh pit so no one thought anything of it. I wouldn't have resorted to violence myself, but at least it made him stop.

I ended up having to take them out because other people kept tugging on my hair from behind and I couldn't tell who was doing it at that point :wail: Why do people think it is okay to do this? Was it because it was at a concert and the rules of personal space do not apply? That is still no reason to do that :nono: I know it wasn't accidental, they had to reach out and grab my braids and it was usually both of them at once. I think I got 3 or 4 tugs after the incident before I unbraided.

Sorry, I just needed to vent a bit. My hair was fine, but I don't like it being tugged on, especially not by strangers! Such a shame, because it was a very protective style and it ended up getting really tangled from all the headbanging after I took them out :o

At least the show was good.

[nessthing]

Yeah concerts and pigtails tend to not mesh well. I usually just have my hair down in moshy situations (rare), but my friend once made the mistake of wearing yarn dreadfall things in her pigtails at a Marilyn Manson concert. They didn't last through the opening band. People just clawed them out.

[LHGypsyRose]

OMG!:mad: I would have been irate about this also! Thank goodness your DB was there to take up for you or who knows what would have ended up happening! I don't even want to think about what I would do if this ever happened to me! I think I would go off the deep end!

Even if the guy was playing and meant no harm, you just never can tell with people. My hair is a part of my body and I would feel violated.

[Flynn]

Argh! Hate! Why! Argh!

I find it as personal and as upsetting as a backside grope. Everyone else tells me to "stop being so [expletive] sensitive!" but I really find it that upsetting.

[kwaniesiam]

Ouch. Manson concerts are rough, I saw him with Slayer a while back. *sigh* It's such a shame people are right arseholes about it, I hate having to spend so long gently combing all the tangles out of my hair after the show :(

[Themyst]

:mad I feel for you, sorry you went through it. Hope you got some of your frustrations out in the pit at least ...

I used to work at a place and started to wear my hair in a single braid. There was a fellow employee who just couldn't keep his hand off of it - he'd grab and yank it, and when I'd turn around, he'd have this big grin on his face.

I got really angry with him and just told him to cut it out. I felt bad that it happened though because he did lean toward the simple side.

I think it just goes back to old movies, and how little boys liked to sit behind the little braided girls in class and yank. Some people probably think they're just being cute.

[kwaniesiam]

OMG!:mad: I would have been irate about this also! Thank goodness your DB was there to take up for you or who knows what would have ended up happening! I don't even want to think about what I would do if this ever happened to me! I think I would go off the deep end!

Even if the guy was playing and meant no harm, you just never can tell with people. My hair is a part of my body and I would feel violated.

:lol: I'm not such a nice person, I'd probably have kicked the shiat out of him if it kept up. DBF just made it easier for me and looks threatening, he's very large and in the national guard plus does professional wrestling so he's not someone to mess with :twisted:

[manderly]

Sorry this happened, but concerts are bad places where people can't keep their hands to themselves! Pigtails are too much of a temptation.

I don't recall ever being at a large mosh-like concert where I was not groped, touched, pushed, pulled, and generally molested.

I think in the future a high bun is the safest bet :)

[kwaniesiam]

I'd love to do a bun, but they just don't stay put plus I'm wary of any hairtoys getting broken or stabbing someone. Maybe next time I'll wear a bandana over my hair instead or something :shrug:

[manderly]

How about one held with baby claw clips and then a bandana. Heck, I always wore bandanas at concerts because they're usually outside here and you generally come out of any pit area covered in a layer of dirt (or mud). You blow your nose and it's all mud. :vomit:

When I was a teenager and cool enough to go to concerts, our standard wear was cammo pants, white tank tops, and good shoes or boots. Added bonus=bandana. Come to think of it, in retrospeck I suspect my friends and I had a militant lesbian look going on. :shrug: :lol:

[Flynn]

I'd love to do a bun, but they just don't stay put plus I'm wary of any hairtoys getting broken or stabbing someone. Maybe next time I'll wear a bandana over my hair instead or something :shrug:

Why not a plain bun with U-shaped hairpins? It holds for ballet, when you're jumping and "spotting" as you pirouette (which invloves a sharp head-snap)... I'm sure it'd hold up to head-banging XD

[kwaniesiam]

When I was a teenager and cool enough to go to concerts, our standard wear was cammo pants, white tank tops, and good shoes or boots. Added bonus=bandana. Come to think of it, in retrospeck I suspect my friends and I had a militant lesbian look going on. :shrug: :lol:

:spitting: That's pretty much what I always wear. Caro shorts, my trusty steel toe Dr. Martens and either the shirt I buy there or a tank top.

Ushaped pins might work, I'm just paranoid about them coming loose and getting stabbed. I've given wavelength pins a trial run, but they fly loose when windmilling :rolleyes:

Sidenote, it was a great show for some long hair sightings. The frontman of one of the opening bands Skeletonwitch had hip length hair and most of the other guys were APL or waist length +

[marialena]

So can someone tell me what am I going to do with my hair in the AC/DC concert that we are going to go next month?? kwaniesiam you just scared me with your post..

[kwaniesiam]

I'm sorry! I don't think ACDC will be quite as rough of a crowd as the show I attended which was death metal. A ponytail and a bandana is a good idea if you aren't up for wearing it loose, and depending on what you typically do at concerts (are you in to moshing, standing off to the side, pushing up front, etc) you may not have anything to worry about at all.

My post was based on a pretty rough crowd and me personally enjoying moshing.

[Flynn]

Ushaped pins might work, I'm just paranoid about them coming loose and getting stabbed. I've given wavelength pins a trial run, but they fly loose when windmilling :rolleyes:

Sidenote, it was a great show for some long hair sightings. The frontman of one of the opening bands Skeletonwitch had hip length hair and most of the other guys were APL or waist length +

The pins I mean are the ones that are the size of large-ish bobbypins... I don't know what the proper name is for them.

Hehehee, awesome. I love long-haired guys XD

[kwaniesiam]

Hm, I've never seen those. I'll have to look them up, thanks for the suggestion :)

[marialena]

I'm sorry! I don't think ACDC will be quite as rough of a crowd as the show I attended which was death metal. A ponytail and a bandana is a good idea if you aren't up for wearing it loose, and depending on what you typically do at concerts (are you in to moshing, standing off to the side, pushing up front, etc) you may not have anything to worry about at all.

My post was based on a pretty rough crowd and me personally enjoying moshing.

The concert is already sold out. 80.000 people and I have tickets for the arena. :cheese:I like the bandana idea. Perhaps I will use one..
Thanks for the advice. I guess this concert ( yours) must have been great..

[Heavenly Locks]

This is a weird question, so pardon me for asking :o Does anyone think that yanking braids/pigtails could be a f*tish thing?

That's the only reason I can really get my brain around that would make a grown person do that to another grown person?

[Flynn]

Ugh, I hope not.

I'm more tempted to think that a lot of "grown people" aren't mentally adults yet.

[manderly]

No, I think of it more of an old childhood temptation being placed in front of them, in a venue that "allows" them to do the naughty things they wanted to do as kids and get away with it :)

[zift]

I almost always wear my hair down to concerts and do whatever I want on those days except for attending the mosh pit. I watch and listen to the concert from the coolest and most silent place so that noone picks on my hair. And still I had a lot of incidents of people touching pulling my hair because it was too long and interesting. That doesn't happen anymore though because my hair's only waist now. But I agree pigtails have the thing with pulling hehe people boing curls and pull tails and they've done that for decades*lol*
It's a ritual to come back from concerts and detangle hair, I've a routine for that too. Laying hair in a mixture of oil and conditioner and detangling under running water. It always works ;)

[Flynn]

Hm, I've never seen those. I'll have to look them up, thanks for the suggestion :)


I just mean these:

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b106/maccallister/Hairpins.jpg

About a dozen would hold my bun for a class, and I probably used twice as many for a concert to be sure.

[Madame J]

I never found "personal space" to be a known concept at metal shows, especially towards the front. One guy almost broke my arm trying to shove me away from the front at an In Flames concert so he could take my spot, so I corrected him. The next show I went to, some guy said "Dude, you're that chick who got in a fight!"

[spidermom]

Polite rules of society don't apply in a mosh pit.

[Alia]

I never found "personal space" to be a known concept at metal shows, especially towards the front. One guy almost broke my arm trying to shove me away from the front at an In Flames concert so he could take my spot, so I corrected him. The next show I went to, some guy said "Dude, you're that chick who got in a fight!"

:spitting:You corrected him?

[pointydog]

Corrected. Yup, I've done that too. :-)
DH will drop anyone who's deliberately rough with me. My 'corrections' will usually allow that person to still see the rest of the show...

I do french braids down the sides and join them into one at the nape. The braid goes inside my shirt, around the front and under a sports bra. I use that for motocross racing too. Helps that there's room down the center front for the braid to pass through. ANyone well endowed might not be able to do that.

The braid can go under the back of the bra too, if that isn't too annoying. French braiding takes up a lot of the length, otherwise the end would be in my pants.

Bandanna over the whole thing keeps anyone's rings or other stuff catching on the frenched parts. It's always funny at a race when it's all over and a few of us sit down to a little grilled dinner. We're stripped out of our gear and boots, and I usually let my sweaty hair down to dry off some.....there will always be someone who never saw me before and can't figure out where the hair came from!

[RavennaNight]

Hahaha I had a hair-yanker at a Dream Theater show once. Some big drunk bald guy started yanking my hair to the music. And Dream Theater is tame:laugh: compared to Inflames or Amon Amarth.

[Kiraela]

Hurrah for your DBF standing up for you! Luckily, most of what I go to are Goth shows, which are quite a bit tamer than metal, so I don't have to worry much and can wear braids or buns. Although I have been caught on other people's jewelry from 2 feet away with my hair in a braid, so... IDK. Maybe not that much safer, haha.

[Madame J]

Hahaha I had a hair-yanker at a Dream Theater show once. Some big drunk bald guy started yanking my hair to the music. And Dream Theater is tame:laugh: compared to Inflames or Amon Amarth.

I've heard Pantera is the worst. And, yes, Alia, some people just need strict discipline.

[hennaphile]

After a pretty rowdy metal show, I learned to keep the hair in a braid-bun :).

And yeah, what a jerk.

[Flynn]

After a pretty rowdy metal show, I learned to keep the hair in a braid-bun :).

And yeah, what a jerk.

... Pun intended, or not?

[Kiraela]

Haha! I hadn't even caught that one.

[flapjack]

That's nuts. People suck.


I go to metal and thrash shows every now and then and they're actually one of the few places where I feel like no one will ever touch or mess with my hair... because, male or female, they all have long hair, too. It's rare to see anyone at a metal show with hair above their shoulder blades. My hair always feels kind of... at home. And normal... compared to the times I'm out on the street.


When I do wander my way into the standing crowd, I braid my hair and then wrap it around my bra strap underneath my shirt and then let it hang down my side under the shirt. That keeps anything from getting caught on other people or tangled up. I learned this, ehhh, "technique" after losing some hair in an amp. No good! Haha.

[JamieLeigh]

Glad the show was great, and I hope that incident didn't prevent you from having a good time! I don't know why people think they can just reach out and touch parts of your body and that you'll think it's ok! Some people think, "oh well it's just hair - it's not like I'm grabbing her butt" but really, it's still your personal space!! I'm sorry that had to happen.

The part about your DBF throwing the guy down and kicking him was great!! :D

[Darkhorse1]

Not to defend these people, but at a metal concert, I'd assume people are...um...not 100% there in regards to using illegal substances.

Secondly, for whatever reason, if you have a braid, people will tug. Whenever I'm at the barn, everyone always tugs my braid. I don't mind, because I know these people and it's in good spirit. I want to play an evil practical joke and get a fake braid that will fall out when pulled, but I haven't figure out how to do that yet ;) :D

[SheWolf]

When I became an adult I promised myself I would never put up with or endure unwanted touch ever again. I go postal, if anyone touches me without my permission.
I'm very playful and cuddly with Mr. Wolf, but anyone else will lose teeth if they try to put their grubby fingers on me.

[angelic]

Annoyed and angry, I pointed to him and DBF ended up tossing the guy to the ground and giving him a good kick. We were near a mosh pit so no one thought anything of it. I wouldn't have resorted to violence myself, but at least it made him stop.


:lol: I'm not such a nice person, I'd probably have kicked the shiat out of him if it kept up. DBF just made it easier for me and looks threatening, he's very large and in the national guard plus does professional wrestling so he's not someone to mess with :twisted:

Your two quotes (my bolds) are a bit of a contradiction...

You always have the option of tucking your braids into your shirt, or pulling them over your shoulder so that they are in front of you.

[manderly]

LOL, you know, it just occurred to me that I tug the braids of the preschoolers I work with to get their attention when they ignore me! :oops:

Braids are seriously just inviting little things to tug on.

I also rub the head of any little boy with a buzzcut that comes within my reach! Muwhahahaha!

[Kiraela]

Maybe she meant that she wouldn't have resorted to violence at that particular moment, but if it continued, she would have had to take a different tactic? IDK.

[*Rose Red*]

I hate people reaching for my hair without permission, too. One of my workmates really likes it. He´s eating some chocolate or porky things, and reaches for my hair :wail:
My hair are something intimate for me, I don´t want anyone to touch them.

[practikalmagik]

Not to defend these people, but at a metal concert, I'd assume people are...um...not 100% there in regards to using illegal substances.

Alcohol probably but I have to admit most of the metal-heads I know and hang out with (and go to gigs with) tend to get drunk and that's about it. Maybe weed but that's just gonna chill a person out (though I can totally see someone pulling a braid because "oh my god look it moooves!" when high). I dunno, might just be the people I'm mates with *shrug*

[Flynn]

Alcohol probably but I have to admit most of the metal-heads I know and hang out with (and go to gigs with) tend to get drunk and that's about it. Maybe weed but that's just gonna chill a person out (though I can totally see someone pulling a braid because "oh my god look it moooves!" when high). I dunno, might just be the people I'm mates with *shrug*

Yeah, that was my feeling too... Good to know it's not just me being optimistic.

-- Flynn, the Metal Ballerina >_o

[neon-dream]

This happened to me once, too. I had my hair in the same style as you and one lad just would not leave them alone. I asked him to stop and he refused so it ended in a huge argument and he moved away from me.
It's really annoying! :(

[morguebabe]

Try a high briaded bun with these pins
They hold VERy good. (http://www.sallybeauty.com/Magic-Grip-Hairpins/GOODHR1,default,pd.html) It only takes 3 to hold my past butt length hair very securely.

[Drynwhyl]

Oh gosh, that can be annoying. I normally don't resort to violence, but I was in similar situations and have reacted in the manner you did. Knee-pole twisting comes to mind.

And by the way, I will probably be seeing Amon Amarth this summer too, yay. :D

[enfys]

I noticed most of the people saying about hair pulling have been tugged at my men. Grr.

I don't know if it's just because I'm British but hair pulling or even toughing doesn't tend to happen to me at gigs of any sort. I never ever let my hair lose though.

My tactic is to stand infront of my fiance at all gigs, since 99% of the time we are together anyway. From behind no-one can even see me past him!

[vindo]

Last Amon Amarth Concert I had to detangle my hair with oild for 30 mins..:( I feel for you!
Nowadays I just wear it up..