Unhappy with my hair

[florenonite]

I've been really unhappy with my hair lately. If I want to wear it down I have to do twin French rope braids the night before because I can't wear it loose to bed and normal braids leave funny waves in my hair. When I do this, though, it tends to get frizzy. It's healthy enough, but doesn't seem particularly so to me. I'm perpetually finding shed hairs everywhere, especially wash day and the day after, and I'm starting to find this really annoying.

I grew it out because I like how no-fuss long hair can be, but it's not turning out that way for me. This is, I think, for two reasons. Firstly, I cut a fringe because it looks better on me than no fringe, but that ruins the ease of long hair :rolleyes:. Now I'm stuck debating whether or not to grow it out, and looking at pictures of when I last grew it out to get an idea of how long it's going to take. ETA: I also only wear my fringe out about once a fortnight, so it seems to be more trouble than it's worth END ETA

Secondly, I can't comb my hair very often because it rips and breaks, so although I can get by with weekly washing, I can't wear it down past day 1 because it either (a) doesn't look smooth and/or (b) the sebum collects at the scalp. I think I could help the combing issue if I did an S&D, but I can never do that for more than a few minutes as it hurts my eyes (I think I need reading glasses but haven't bothered getting seen to yet).

Sorry, I just really needed to vent. I kind of want to cut it off, but I know I'd like that for about a week before missing it.

[Silver & Gold]

From your description it sounds as if you and my daughter have very similar hairtypes.

Her hair is so very fine and fragile that I will find hairs on the back of the chair she sits in from where her head rubbed.

However, she doesn't have an oily scalp at all.

The way I care for her hair is mostly a water only wash every other night unless the air is very dry, then I use conditioner without cones. To make her hair look nice in the morning I use a Tangle Teezer (http://www.tangleteezer.com/) brush to comb out the hair. (This is the gentlest thing I've found for her.) Then I lightly mist her hair all over with either plain distilled water or distilled water with a bit of aloe and jojoba oil added to the mix. I can't use much oil on her hair as it would be weighed down flat. The light misting provides some moisture and makes the hair flexible enough to style a bit.

I also have her sleeping on a satin pillowcase so that she doesn't rub all her hair off in her sleep.

Her hair is improving from this care and it's not a lot of work.

One other thing to note. Although she would have fairly fine hair anyway, I noticed her hair was much finer and shedding more after she started taking a drug for seizures. When I spoke to her doctor about it he checked her blood levels and found that she was low on selenium and zinc. (This is a common side-effect of the drug.) She started taking supplements a few months ago and I notice that her hair is shedding from the root less and that the hair on her scalp is less 'see through'. So perhaps after another year the new growth hair will be a bit stronger. However if you suspect your hair is breaking or you are shedding too much you could see your doctor and ask if you might need supplements.

Since you have a more oily scalp you could try a scalp only wash of soapnut liquid followed by some conditioning on the ends if it is needed or a light oiling on the ends before washing with the soapnut liquid.

Have courage! And if you find for one reason or another that you still wish to cut, don't feel bad about it. Sometimes hanging around this site can make you forget that shorter hair is a viable and attractive choice too.

[misstwist]

Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry it's getting you down. Silver & Gold has some excellent advice about misting fine hair.

As for a bed style for wearing it loose the next day, try making a loose beebutt bun at the top of your head and secure it with a scrunchie around the base after you have twisted it up. This should result in softer waves and less frizz. Also look for a satin pillowcase if you don't have one. ETA--do you need to consider a micro-trim rather than trying to s&d--END ETA

Also, are you stressed out about school right now? I find that if I'm somewhat stressed in other parts of my life then I start thinking my hair isn't behaving and looks icky. Just a displacement tendency of mine, but give it some thought.

Hope you find something that works better for you. :)

[melrose1985]

I dont really have anything to offer other then support. My hair isnt that long yet. I'm sure others will be a long with more help... Hang in there! : )

[Unofficial_Rose]

It's a bit of an LHC cliché, but maybe you could put it up and ignore it for a while?

Mine only looks good down on the day it is washed too. :rolleyes: And I also cut a stupid fringe that I'm now trying to grow out! But at least I don't have to wash it every day since I have enough to put in a ponytail or a French Twist. In fact, how about wearing it in a French Twist or bun plus ficcare/fakkare and ignore it until you find it less annoying?

[amaiaisabella]

Seems like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, no? You don't like short, but you don't like where you're at, either. Either you can grit your teeth, wear it up constantly, and try to get past this stage, or maybe you could do a 1/2 inch or 1 inch trim? That might freshen up your ends and help with the breakage.

I have pretty much the same hairtype as you, and I have many issues with breakage. Right now, I am still rather short (APL), so I wear it up most of the time. The times I DO wear it down, I have problems with tangling and breakage, and it only looks nice on the first day when I can comb, or on the other days when I thoroughly brush it.

One thing I have found to be helpful when I'm wearing it down is to pull my top layer into a half-up. The top layer (for me, at least) has the most issues with tangles and breakage, and getting it out of the way still allows me to enjoy having my hair down, but the worst/most fragile part protected.

[goodluckcharm]

I totally hear you on the fringe. I have wavy hair too and when i had fringe it just stuck up all over the place and I had to style it constantly to wear it down. Now I'm growing it out simply because it's easier to deal with.

I don't have any great advice for you, but I hope you figure your hair out! I would wait for awhile before cutting it though.

I don't know much about breakage, but I'm wondering if maybe your hair has protein/moisture imbalances? Just a thought. Good luck!

[Alethia]

Sorry you're going through a bad hair time. I'm only speaking for myself here, but I rarely wear my hair down because it really doesn't look that great. It's thin and wispy and tangles readily. I still keep it long though because I'm too lazy to get cuts/styling done to it regularly. Some people have hair that looks like an advert when it's down and long, but by no means all. Remember that the majority of the shots you see on LHC will be of people when their hair is looking at its best - for most of us that is the first day after a wash.

You may be shedding more because of the time of year. I shed more in spring and am busy clearing out the drains and pickng hair up off the carpet several times a week. I obviously don't need my "winter coat" so much now. :) If your siggie pic is anything to go by I think your hair looks lovely.

[Tangles]

I hear you. Mine is too dry to wear down unless I do 20-minute conditioning treatments. I'm beginning to think long hair is higher maintenance than short for me, because I don't think it's worth it if it has to be up all the time. :/ Part of me just wants to chop to chin length to have all this dry hair out of my face.

[enfys]

Alice bands and gel. They'll be your best friends if you grow your fringe out. It's pretty much exactly a year since I last cut a fringe, and now it's just past chin I can nearly get through a day without them.

I don't think many of us wear our hair down all that often. Mine gets greasier quicker if i do, so I almost always wear it up.

For the tangles I reccomend the Tangle Teezer. It's a grower (that wasn't meant to be a pun) but when you get used to it it can do a lot to help smooth out your hair.

Besides, you'll never get to hip if you cut it!

[florenonite]

From your description it sounds as if you and my daughter have very similar hairtypes.

Her hair is so very fine and fragile that I will find hairs on the back of the chair she sits in from where her head rubbed.

However, she doesn't have an oily scalp at all.

The way I care for her hair is mostly a water only wash every other night unless the air is very dry, then I use conditioner without cones. To make her hair look nice in the morning I use a Tangle Teezer (http://www.tangleteezer.com/) brush to comb out the hair. (This is the gentlest thing I've found for her.) Then I lightly mist her hair all over with either plain distilled water or distilled water with a bit of aloe and jojoba oil added to the mix. I can't use much oil on her hair as it would be weighed down flat. The light misting provides some moisture and makes the hair flexible enough to style a bit.

I also have her sleeping on a satin pillowcase so that she doesn't rub all her hair off in her sleep.

Her hair is improving from this care and it's not a lot of work.

One other thing to note. Although she would have fairly fine hair anyway, I noticed her hair was much finer and shedding more after she started taking a drug for seizures. When I spoke to her doctor about it he checked her blood levels and found that she was low on selenium and zinc. (This is a common side-effect of the drug.) She started taking supplements a few months ago and I notice that her hair is shedding from the root less and that the hair on her scalp is less 'see through'. So perhaps after another year the new growth hair will be a bit stronger. However if you suspect your hair is breaking or you are shedding too much you could see your doctor and ask if you might need supplements.

Since you have a more oily scalp you could try a scalp only wash of soapnut liquid followed by some conditioning on the ends if it is needed or a light oiling on the ends before washing with the soapnut liquid.

Have courage! And if you find for one reason or another that you still wish to cut, don't feel bad about it. Sometimes hanging around this site can make you forget that shorter hair is a viable and attractive choice too.

Hmm, maybe I should get a Tangle Teezer. I was looking at them a while ago, but I can't get them locally and didn't have a credit card at the time so I forgot about it. I have a card now, so maybe I ought to buy one.

And I tend to try and mist in the mornings before I put my hair up but this happens about once a month because I forget :rolleyes:. I could put a post-it note on the mirror in the bathroom, but I think my flatmates think I'm weird enough already :p

As far as shedding goes, I've actually always shed a lot. I suspect this is because my hair is both fine and thick, and therefore I have an excessive number of follicles. I think it's just that since the hair's gotten longer I seem to be shedding more because the shed hairs are longer.


Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry it's getting you down. Silver & Gold has some excellent advice about misting fine hair.

As for a bed style for wearing it loose the next day, try making a loose beebutt bun at the top of your head and secure it with a scrunchie around the base after you have twisted it up. This should result in softer waves and less frizz. Also look for a satin pillowcase if you don't have one. ETA--do you need to consider a micro-trim rather than trying to s&d--END ETA

Also, are you stressed out about school right now? I find that if I'm somewhat stressed in other parts of my life then I start thinking my hair isn't behaving and looks icky. Just a displacement tendency of mine, but give it some thought.

Hope you find something that works better for you. :)

I'm always stressed about school :p

I could try a micro-trim, if I can work up the courage to do so. Last time I did a self-trim I got paranoid about my ends being wonky, but I don't want to pay an extortionate amount to someone I don't know (and therefore trust) to take a "small" amount off the ends of my hair.

I could try a beebut bun if I can find any scrunchies anywhere. I don't think I should try and make them, though as the last time I was allowed near a needle I poked myself repeatedly and ended up with a rather wonkily-sewn button on my winter coat.


It's a bit of an LHC cliché, but maybe you could put it up and ignore it for a while?

Mine only looks good down on the day it is washed too. :rolleyes: And I also cut a stupid fringe that I'm now trying to grow out! But at least I don't have to wash it every day since I have enough to put in a ponytail or a French Twist. In fact, how about wearing it in a French Twist or bun plus ficcare/fakkare and ignore it until you find it less annoying?

I've been putting it up, but the problem is I know and can do (lengthwise) a grand total of two updos, plus French plaits, which is time-consuming so I tend to just resort to the cinnabun every day, which gets dull.


Seems like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, no? You don't like short, but you don't like where you're at, either. Either you can grit your teeth, wear it up constantly, and try to get past this stage, or maybe you could do a 1/2 inch or 1 inch trim? That might freshen up your ends and help with the breakage.

I have pretty much the same hairtype as you, and I have many issues with breakage. Right now, I am still rather short (APL), so I wear it up most of the time. The times I DO wear it down, I have problems with tangling and breakage, and it only looks nice on the first day when I can comb, or on the other days when I thoroughly brush it.

One thing I have found to be helpful when I'm wearing it down is to pull my top layer into a half-up. The top layer (for me, at least) has the most issues with tangles and breakage, and getting it out of the way still allows me to enjoy having my hair down, but the worst/most fragile part protected.

I don't really want to trim right now as I'm about two inches away from waist.

Half-ups sound good, though. I'm not sure which hair tangles the most, so I can try it and see how it works.


I totally hear you on the fringe. I have wavy hair too and when i had fringe it just stuck up all over the place and I had to style it constantly to wear it down. Now I'm growing it out simply because it's easier to deal with.

I don't have any great advice for you, but I hope you figure your hair out! I would wait for awhile before cutting it though.

I don't know much about breakage, but I'm wondering if maybe your hair has protein/moisture imbalances? Just a thought. Good luck!

Actually, now that you mention it, maybe my hair needs clarifying. I use cones on and off, and am currently "on" them, so maybe I ought to do a good clarifying wash and see if that helps any.


Sorry you're going through a bad hair time. I'm only speaking for myself here, but I rarely wear my hair down because it really doesn't look that great. It's thin and wispy and tangles readily. I still keep it long though because I'm too lazy to get cuts/styling done to it regularly. Some people have hair that looks like an advert when it's down and long, but by no means all. Remember that the majority of the shots you see on LHC will be of people when their hair is looking at its best - for most of us that is the first day after a wash.

You may be shedding more because of the time of year. I shed more in spring and am busy clearing out the drains and pickng hair up off the carpet several times a week. I obviously don't need my "winter coat" so much now. :) If your siggie pic is anything to go by I think your hair looks lovely.

Thank you :)

Yeah, it's possible I'm shedding even more right now than usual because of the time of year. And that's a good point about the pictures here. I've got so used to seeing these pictures of beautiful, clean hair that I start wanting my hair to look like that.


Alice bands and gel. They'll be your best friends if you grow your fringe out. It's pretty much exactly a year since I last cut a fringe, and now it's just past chin I can nearly get through a day without them.

I don't think many of us wear our hair down all that often. Mine gets greasier quicker if i do, so I almost always wear it up.

For the tangles I reccomend the Tangle Teezer. It's a grower (that wasn't meant to be a pun) but when you get used to it it can do a lot to help smooth out your hair.

Besides, you'll never get to hip if you cut it!

Yeah, my hair does get greasier when I wear it down, but I tend to go through phases, particularly in colder months, when I like wearing my hair down quite frequently. I'm also going to a ceilidh this weekend, and it has to be down for that, though fortunately it's Sunday, my wash day ^.^